I don't have any tru friends that I can talk to. It's 12:30am and I'm crying bc i can feel myself becoming disassociated and i don't know what to do. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to work on my art, I just want to disappear. I'm also gay as hell and I'll never be safe so no one will probably know. I hate everything, I hate myself. I know I shouldn't, but I hate everything. I just want to turn off a switch and stop thinking. I don't know what to do.
Oh love. I’m so, so sorry you’re dealing with so much stress right now. Sometimes there’s one too many concerns going on and it gets overwhelming and everything seems awful. I’m really sorry you’re going through that, and if you’d like to vent some more please feel free to send me another message?
For now, please remember: at this moment in time you’re alive. You may not feel okay right now, or even this week, but you will in time. I know that may be hard to believe, and I know that your brain may regularly set all systems to SOS, but I promise. you’re going to ive this. You, my love, are alive and that is half the battle. your heart is beating. your eyes are reading these words, and sending signals to your brain, and your brain is understanding all of it almost instantly. That’s pretty miraculous.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. It sucks. It’s painful and agonizing and depressing and something that no one should go through alone. I hope that, if given the chance, you get yourself to a comfortable place where you can sleep in comfy clothes, and listen to music, or a movie, or read a book, or do whatever will make you feel better. Wash your face, take a bath, go to bed and get some sleep, as much sleep as you can. Everything can feel hopeless after disassociating (also, it’s an exhausting process) and sleep can help, if only slightly, to make you feel a little better.
And please, please remember that you have survived every day of your life up this point with incredible strength, patience, kindness and endurance. you’re going to make it through today, and tomorrow night, and this week, and it’ll be okay. you’ll be okay. I promise ❤