1x11 Just Turn The Wheel And The Future Changes
We are here. WE ARE FINALLY HERE. I know we still have a long way to go, but…this is the episode in which Kalagang has their first kiss! However, it’s not just about the kiss. It’s the depth of emotions both Kala and Wolfgang show in this episode that really made their relationship beautiful. Heartbreaking, but beautiful.
Rajan: I want you to marry me, not to be for or against anyone else, because I love you, I trust you…and I can imagine no better life than growing old with you. All I need to know is…after everything that has happened, do you still want to marry me?
To be honest, I love and hate that Rajan is actually a nice guy. If he were just a typical asshole who’s always forcing Kala to marry him, it’d have been too obvious, you know. Not to mention she would never marry that kind of guy. But at the same time, because he truly loves and cares about Kala, it’s frustrating to see Kala having a hard time to simply say ‘no’ to him.
I wish I had a GIF for this scene, but anyhow, when Rajan asks her if she still wants to marry him, Kala’s eyes literally get bigger as if she had this thought – more likely a person crossing her mind. Wolfgang.
Kala is now facing a crossroad – whether she will follow her head, or follow her heart. For all her life, Kala has depended on her faith to guide her life. This time, however, the choice is in her hands. It’s Kala herself who must make a decision.
Wolfgang: You will take good care of him, you understand? If anyone comes looking for a man matching his description, you say nothing, you do nothing, you call me.
Meanwhile, Wolfgang moves Felix to different hospital where he can be safe. Wolfgang is about to walk into his uncle’s mansion alone which is completely suicidal. But he is more concerned about Felix than himself. Wolfgang protects those he loves with his own life…and yet he still thinks he doesn’t deserve love from anyone.
When Wolfgang stops his car near by the front gate of Sergei’s mansion and opens his eyes, he already knows that he might die today. Wolfgang’s life has been always surrounded by fights, blood, and deaths. He is used to death – as I mentioned in first episode. But no matter how much he hates his life, despises himself, or feels numb about violence, he is still human. And every human, even the bravest ones, fears death.
Wolfgang is afraid, and that leads him to think of one person. Kala.
Kala: This is a bad place. You should not be here.
In 1x05 during Kala’s wedding, Wolfgang was her inner voice. This time, it’s switched. Kala is now Wolfgang’s inner voice. He knows he should not be here. She feels Wolfgang’s fear, so vividly, more than ever. You can see it from her eyes.
Kala: You don’t have to do this. You could just…turn around. It is so simple a thing, just…just turn the wheel, and the future changes.
Every word she says is killing him. Not just because part of him thinks the same, but because it is Kala who is telling him that. Wolfgang can also feel Kala’s fear – of losing him – and it’s making him harder to go to the mansion. She is making him weak and vulnerable.
This may be another reason why Wolfgang has suppressed his emotions – because feelings make him weak. He cannot be weak in order to survive in his world of chaos and darkness.
So Wolfgang closes his eyes tightly, trying to control his feelings. He tries his best to not change his mind. He doesn’t want to be swayed by Kala, and yet, he can’t get her out of his mind – because he doesn’t want her to leave. As much as he doesn’t want this to be their last time, Wolfgang fears it might be the last time he’ll ever see Kala again.
Wolfgang: You stopped your wedding, but it’s still going to happen. [You don’t know that] Some things in our lives are inevitable.
Wolfgang knows that Kala is very logic-driven person. He understands she will always choose to do the right thing, even if that may cost her own happiness. He believes Kala marrying Rajan is as inevitable as himself living a life as a monster.
Kala, after she hears from Wolfgang, seems a bit angry. She is mad at herself for she knows Wolfgang is right – that she’ll eventually choose to do the right thing, like always. And they both know ‘the right thing’ may not be ‘choosing Wolfgang’. But she’s also mad at Wolfgang because deep inside there’s a part of her that wants him to say ‘I need you’, ‘I want you’, or ‘I love you’. Kala can’t no longer ignore the desire in her heart. A fire that makes her feel alive. The attraction similar to force of gravity. Emotion that has consumed her.
Kala: Don’t do this. They will kill you. [There are worse things than dying] Wolfgang, please!
Original post [x] @stevenrogered
Yes, Kala is a logical person. Even when she decided to marry Rajan, her reasons were based on logic. To Kala, logic has always come first. But not when she’s with Wolfgang. Possibly for the first time, Kala lets her emotions drive her. Feelings take control of her body and mind.
All this time, when she was with Wolfgang, Kala has tried to control herself – her desire. Now, she calls his name for the first time in desperation…clutches his hand that reached for the gun, and begging him to not go there. Emotion overwhelms logic. Kala is trying to stop him not because what he’s trying to do is immoral and wrong; but only because she cares about him. Because she’s not ready to lose him.
Wolfgang: There are things I will never be able to understand about your world, just as there are things you will never understand about mine.
Wolfgang tries to push Kala away. He suppresses feelings, once again, pretending he doesn’t feel anything – like he doesn’t care. But no matter how he tries Wolfgang can’t hide his feelings from Kala, just as she can’t hide hers from him.
Kala: I understand how I feel about you. And somehow, I know that you feel the same way about me.
There may be more important matters which Kala needs to make a choice. But right now, at this very moment, she chooses to be true to her heart. When we’re true to our hearts and expresses them, we may get hurt, become vulnerable, helpless, and even selfish sometimes – but that’s what makes us human. That’s what makes us beautiful in that raw moment.
At that moment, when Kala finally opens up and tells Wolfgang how she feels about him…she was more beautiful than ever.
Wolfgang: This is why I’m here…After what I did…
Kala’s confession lets his guard down. Wolfgang’s facial expression softens. He carefully reaches for her face and gently touches it. He seems a bit scared when he touches Kala – showing he truly cares about her, but at the same time he doesn’t think he deserves her…because she’s too good for him.
Wolfgang: As long as that man is alive…no one I care about will ever be safe.
Both determination and hesitation are in Wolfgang’s eyes. He must do this in order to protect those he cares, but deep down he is scared of the thought that he won’t be able to see, touch, and feel Kala anymore.
Also, see how the word choice for his feelings towards Kala has changed again. In the beginning it was ‘craving’, then it changed to ‘want’, and now he refers Kala as someone he ‘cares’ – ‘feel concern or interest; attach importance to something’ or ‘feel affection or liking’. Wolfgang now understands that what he feels for Kala is more than just a desire.
Kala knows she can’t stop Wolfgang, even though she also feels his hesitation as well as his affection towards her. Kala lets him touch her this time.
(she kinda rejected last time at the cafe)
While I was searching for GIF of their first kiss, I read this post describing – that hesitation and enthusiasm were seen in both characters as they get closer to each other, before the kiss.
I think that’s a perfect analysis for this moment…although I can’t find the original post that has that description. I’ll keep looking up.
I just like how Kala strokes Wolfgang’s jaw, and he is slightly touching her hair.
Even after they kiss, Wolfgang hesitates to touch Kala’s face. I’m sure most of you were hoping that this won’t be Kalagang’s first-and-last kiss when you first watched this scene. #SaveWolfieSeason1
What’s so sad about this kiss is that it’s Wolfgang who pulls away first and Kala seems like her heart literally dropped as soon as he did that. She didn’t want to stop. What’s more heartbreaking is – so did Wolfgang. We can see pain on his face right after he pulls away. But Wolfgang had to, because he knew – if he hadn’t stopped that kiss, he would’ve turn the wheel.
Right after Kala disappears (more like he lets her out of his mind), Wolfgang is back to being no-emotion-Wolfie. This just highlights, again, how much Kala’s presence affects him.
Kala cries for him. She cries because of him…feeling helpless.
Sun: Crying won’t help him. I can feel what you’re feeling. This is what life is. Fear, rage, desire…love. To stop feeling emotions, to stop wanting to feel them…is to feel death. [What do you suggest I do?] I take everything I am feeling…everything that matters to me…I push all of it…into my fist…and I fight for it.
Then, Sun appears. She gives her the guidance. She also teaches Kala a lesson – that crying won’t help; if she wants to protect the ones she cares, Kala must fight for them. And we will see Kala fighting for her loved ones in next episode. The season finale.