i love me some maxwell he just does it for me

523.8, (part one)

fandom: wolf 359
notes: T, domestic/library au, fluff, pairings are still undecided
characters: all of the main 8, with cameos from minor characters

summary: Scenes from Goddard Inc’s takeover of the Hephaestus; an independent, space-themed public library. Plus; Hilbert’s catnip, drunk trivia nights, Dewey Decimal spot-checks, Hera’s demon mom, Stampy the Roomba, and the continuing mystery of Jacobi’s actual job title.

“There are only three things you need to know about this place,” Lovelace announced as she sat down for her review. “Firstly: Eiffel is not allowed to ride the book train.”

also available on ao3

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voice actors needed !!

hi ! this is my first time trying to do something like this, but theres a first time for everythin, i guess. this podcast is about a crewship of several humans gone off to space, exploring whatever they can in search for other sentient lifeforms. if you’d be interested in voice acting or even editing, go ahead and send me a message on my main, @itzy-bitzy-world. voice acting parts below the cut

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That ending tho {TVD 8x13 Review}

Hey guys! You know the drill, I write everything in real time which means if I make a mistake in the beginning it may be fixed by the end. In this review there will be anti-Damon, anti-Delena, anti-Bamon, anti-Steroline sentiments, probable mentions of misogynoir, anti-blackness and racism, possible mentions of other TV shows, if you do not like it do not read. I did this on my phone so bear with me. OK ready? Let’s go!

1. Seriously, Cade seems like a really petty devil though. “Kill 100 people or your brother’s girl” like … why? Don’t you have some world domination plans going on or…? Like why the interest in Stefan and Damon, what about either of them are particularly special to the devil? It doesn’t make sense to me. At least with Supernatural, everything from season 1 was leading up to Dean and Sam being vessels for Michael and Lucifer, like every season, every plot point fed into that so it made sense, this is just fucking random.

2. I’m legit taking this opportunity to tell people to watch Goblin because it is so much more intriguing than whatever the hell TVD has become. You can watch it on: Drama Fever, Box Asian, Drama 4 U Viki, like so many sites, guys. I mean, I’m just saying, if you want a show that’ll make you cry and keep you in suspense and make you fall in love with characters then that’s it.

3. Yeah Bonnie’s scream of pain totally could’ve been better.
Why do I care about Matt again? His family made a bell that could kill sirens? Or witches? And that somehow makes him important?

4. Everyone is having like such lowkey reactions to things. Damon’s reaction to Bonnie telling him that Stefan is human is like “Oh. Damn. OK.” LIKE? Bonnie crying over Enzo is like … I mean I guess. I remember when she cried over Jeremy, that shit looked painful.

5. “Stefan, thank God” sound even less enthused, Caroline.

6. Seriously Candice has NO conviction in her voice.

7. Why are there never any cars on the roads they drive on?

8. Alaric and Matt, the two characters I care about the least in one room.

9. “I don’t think this is just colonial bling” did they seriously make Dorian say that? UGH. Also who says bling anymore? Are we in the early 00s?

10. Why are we acting like this history wouldn’t include the enslaved or First Nations populations?

11. Why is Damon acting like he didn’t kill Tyler? I find this actually unbelievably fascinating. He can stand there and lecture Caroline about how Bonnie wouldn’t answer her calls when he killed Tyler who was supposed to be Caroline’s first love and her childhood friend? LIKE THIS WRITING.
I don’t understand this, Stefan is human so he can’t be immortal anymore and therefore is out of the contract so Cade will kill him? Can’t he just make Stefan an immortal human? Like why does he have to be a vampire? He can kill people without biting them, there’s always good old fashioned weaponry. Like what powers does Cade actually have?

12. Cade, why can’t you just get the book yourself? You’re supposed to be the freaking devil.

13. So the cops knew all of these people Stefan killed over two months and we’re just now seeing their presence?

14. How did Abby get to where Bonnie is so quickly?

15. “But don’t worry, Damon’s on it” yeah that isn’t a sentence that inspires confidence, Caroline. Shit.


17. Damon’s hair is stupid.

18. Seriously Damon, it was that easy for Alaric to kill you? Why are you terrible at everything?

19. I’m sorry this “funeral” for Enzo is kind of ridiculous.

20. Like there are no side effects to turning human? You’re just human and that’s it. You don’t feel slower, weaker, you can just operate normally?

21. Damon is ANNOYING. Like I’m sorry but his “zingy” one liners just make me want to punch him. SHUT UP.

22. I also don’t get a sense of urgency at all. Everything is moving so slowly.

23. These costumes are TERRIBLE. We’re flashing back to the Maxwell and Bennett ancestors, Zach is playing his ancestor and this black woman is playing the Bonnie’s ancestor and the acting is just done so poorly.

24. Sybil does look good in period clothing though. Even if the period clothing is awful.

25. Lol Caroline and Stefan are so bad at being together.

26. I can’t believe I’m only 20 minutes.

27. “You know him by another name, the devil.” Guys, if people knew him as “the” devil, then they would know him also as Satan and Lucifer or any other religious name for the devil, you can’t just pretend like religion isn’t a factor.

28. Why would Sybil tell Ethan what the bell would do?

29. So Bonnie opened the door to hell with her scream, yeah this is Supernatural.

30. Wait, why does the cure make a human reject vampire blood? How does that work?

31. “Sirened to ring the bell” it’s just compulsion.

32. These flashbacks are actually so fucking awful.

33. Matt just die of a heart attack.

34. How can vampire blood cure a heart attack but not cancer?

35. Caroline’s “you’re going to live” speech is SO WEAK.

36. All they had to do was photocopy the fucking book to know how to kill Cade.

37. Seriously Caroline and Stefan just feel like really close roommates.

38. OH SHUT UP ABOUT HOW BONNIE IS BEING SO STRONG, let her CRY, let her GRIEVE, let her just fucking FEEL.

39. Matt kissing Bonnie on the forehead looks really weird.

40. And seriously he’s not even going to STAY with her? The supposed love of her life died and no one is going to just BE with her? Remember when I said she would grieve alone?

41. “Thank you for saving my life.” “Oh that, I do that because it’s Tuesday.” LMFAO OK, DAMON.

42. KAI KAI KAI KAI OMG IT’S KAI KAIAKAIAIoisno oaf oafn oang og osg ! And he shows up like a BOSS.

Yeah this episode wasn’t the worst episode of the season but it was still entirely boring. I wish we could’ve seen Stefan’s apology to Bonnie and also where are the twins, who would Alaric entrust to keep them safe when the last person he trusted was a siren who kidnapped them? Does Caroline know Alaric is back? Does she get regular updates on her kids? But whatever because KAI IS BACK AND I’M SUPER FUCKING EXCITED DESPITE MY BETTER JUDGEMENT.

This Woman’s Work (Roman Reigns x Reader)

Context: Reader and Roman have a secret and it’s beginning to rip a hole in their hearts. Will they ever act on it?

**A/N: ** This is the sequel to “Mercy”. Different song choice used for this one though: “This Woman’s Work” by Maxwell. It’s a cover of the original 1988 song from Kate Bush but I like this one a lot better.

**SB: ** Trilogy? I don’t know. I’ll see how this part does first. As always, feedback is welcomed!

Read Part 1 here: Mercy 

This fic is on the longer side than Part 1 but I hope it’s worth it. 

Originally posted by prowrestlingnow

**Tags: ** @the-geekgoddes ; @m-a-t-91; @womderland-fandom ; @lavitabella87 ; @thiickreigns ; @kellbell431 ; @harleymoxley@caramara3 ; @adorkabley-yours

“…..Of all the things I should’ve said,

That I never said.

All the things we should’ve done,

Though we never did.

All the things I should’ve given,

But I didn't…..”

            3 months later: It was half past eight, a time that was usually too early for me to be awake, but I was. I sat down at a dining room table in my eight floor apartment. The beige curtains were drawn open enough to let the small cracks of sunlight peek through over the Manhattan skyline. The notebook laid out in front of me had the design ideas and the color scheme I had set for my wedding. But the man that I was marrying was never around to help.

           “Oh, you can do the decorations yourself for now. I count on you, babe. If you need help, just call your friends.” He said, sounding hurried and surprised to hear my voice on our last call. 

           “I have another business trip in Chicago on Thursday, then I’m flying out to France to meet with investors. I’ll chat with you about the wedding plans tonight.”

            Most of the time, we only communicated through video chats or text messages; all of which occurred during the early hours of the morning or in the late hours of the nights. I sighed. I was set to get married the following summer.

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Request - Could you do at Game of Thrones imagine where the reader is married to Robb and they’re deeply in love but when he goes to war he cheats on her with Talisa and Jon is there when she finds out 

Pairing - Robb Stark X Reader

Wordcount - 3000

Warnings - Strong Language, mature themes, violence 

Multi-shot - Yes 

Author’s Note - I might have gone too overboard with this request but I couldn’t stop writing it. - (Y/F/S/N) - Your first son’s name. (Y/S/S/N) - Your second son’s name. 



Before the war everything was so different, Robb and (Y/N) were deeply in love. After the birth of their first son, (Y/F/S/N) the strength of their marriage and their love for each other only seemed to blossom further. Robb was an great husband and an incredible Father. He would bring (Y/N) flowers and made sure she had everything she desired, even when she repeatedly told him that she had everything she could possibly want. (Y/N) and Robb were the perfect family unit and nothing would ever separate them or so she thought.

The death of her Father in-law, Ned Stark caused choas and corruption. Ned was loved among the people of Winterfell, his wrongful imprisonment had put people on edge but his death was what had caused the people  to want to go to war. The matter only seemed to worsen when the Lannisters refused to let Sansa and Arya go. The war truly broke out between the Lannisters and the North. Robb at first would occasionally return to Winterfell to visit (Y/N) and (Y/F/S/N) but soon it became un-practical. That final night, (Y/N) had begged Robb not to leave even know she felt selfish for doing so, she understood why Robb had to stay out at war permanently but she only longed for him to keep her warm at night and have knowledge her husband was safe. So that night before he left they made indescribable love where she conceived her second child, a boy who would be born nine moons later, her son wouldn’t see his father when his eyes first opened. His Father would only be given word of his sons arrival. He would probably not see him for several name sakes.

However there would be one man in their lives who became (Y/N) greatest asset to her. Whether he was consorting what to do with the people of Winterfell and the vital issues to helping raise the two boys. Jon Snow became a life saver and a great support system. While Robb was away Jon became the man (Y/N) relied on. (Y/N) sat in her chamber rocking (Y/S/S/N) back to sleep. It was late, he had been fed and changed but (Y/S/S/N) was not having any of it tonight.  

“Sh now. Your wake (Y/F/S/N) and Uncle Jon. Mummy loves you and so does Daddy. He’s off fighting a veracious Lion who has taken Aunt Sansa and Aunt Arya. One day he is going to come riding home, the Stark banner riding high in the sky. Everyone will be cheering and celebrating, when the King of the North returns with your Aunt’s and on that day we will be a family again” (Y/N) expressed as (Y/S/S/N) wriggled around her arms. He had not stopped crying, (Y/N) didn’t know what else to do. When there was a sharp brisk knock on the wooden door, the baby who was creeping up to witnessing his sixth moon only to began to cry louder. She pulled the door open to reveal Jon standing there looking tired and weary. 

“(Y/N), I thought you might need some assistance. Rest assured (Y/F/S/N) is still deep in slumber” (Y/N) smiled before stepping aside to let Jon into her room, that she had once shared with Robb. 

“Sorry I didn’t intend for you to wake. He just won’t settle. Nights like this I wish Robb was here” (Y/N) sighed as Jon extended his arms (Y/N) gave her over her screaming son, he immediately settled down, moving closer to Jon’s body heat. (Y/S/S/N) since birth had been closer to Jon and whether he would admit it or not he rather enjoyed spending time with all of you. You accepted him as the person he was not as the bastard son of Ned Stark. 

“There one little Prince fast asleep. Mind if I lay with him for a while. You know just in case he wakes up again” (Y/N) melted at the sight of Jon and (Y/S/S/N). He was so content when he was with Jon. 

“Sure as long as you can get Sapphire off the bed” (Y/N) replied looking at the Direwolf that was sprawled out over her large bed. Sapphire had been found beside Ghost, she had white and grey fur with pointed ears. She was also (Y/N) engagement present, she couldn’t ask for a better companion or loyal protector. 

“Sapphire move” (Y/N) instructed but the Direwolf simply opened her eyes before closing them again. As much as she loved Sapphire to pieces but she could be stubborn when she wanted to be. Jon did nothing more than pull the blankets back, removing the robe he had been wearing, leaving him in a pair of comfortable looking trousers as he laid (Y/S/S/N) on his bare chest, tapping the vacant spot beside him. 

“You look exhausted. Come here and lay down. Rest while he’s asleep. I promise not to try anything”  So (Y/N) took the place beside Jon in her night wear before covering herself with the thick warm furs before drifting off to sleep knowing her sons were safe and sound.  

The following morning morning, (Y/N) stretched her arms out to find the space next to her empty. Jon and (Y/S/S/N) were gone. She hurriedly moved out of bed rushing to put on her dress for the day, preparing her (Y/C/H) in a tidy manor before finally slipping on her shoe and tying them. She ran out of her room when she bumped into her messenger, Maxwell. He had been so loyal to her in the times that they had been facing being a war with the Lannisters. 

“Maxwell have you seen Jon and (Y/S/S/N) He’s going to be need to be fed” (Y/N) asked cheerfully as she was every morning. Maxwell didn’t want to give the news that he had heard and eventually witnessed for himself. Before he came to (Y/N) he always made sure he had sustainable evidence of the news that he had to give her. Yet he couldn’t seem to tell her before she broke her fast.

“There in the meeting room, breaking their fasts. Both children were with Jon. I will need to speak with you later my Queen” (Y/N) smiled at her most loyal servant he had been away for sometime. She was eager to know what he had found  But the frown apparent in his face was concerning. 

“Maxwell breaking my fast can wait. If it ‘s bothering you we can go and discuss this now” Seeing concern in (Y/N)’s face, he knew that there would be no easy way to break the news to her. But at the same time he understood how important it was for a women nursing a child to maintain their meals. 

“My Queen, break your fast and attend to your children. I can wait while you do so” So (Y/N) went down and joined everyone to break her fast. But the whole time she worried about the news that Maxwell had for her. As she nursed (Y/S/S/N) she didn’t even hear Jon knocking on her bedroom door. 

“(Y/N), you were distracted earlier, I thought you might want to talk about it” Jon kept a respectful distance away from  (Y/N) as she sat with her back to him keeping her eyes fixated on her youngest son. 

“Maxwell comes with news and by the look on his face it’s bad news” (Y/N) cleaned herself and (Y/S/S/N) as he clearly had enough. She placed small kisses on his forehead as she turned to look at Jon. 

“Would you come with me to see what news Maxwell has for me?” (Y/N) asked in reality Jon didn’t need to be asked, he was going to attend the meeting no matter what. After (Y/N) had given her youngest son to Marie ( the children’s Nanny) to meet with Maxwell, she gathered thoughts before stepping into the room noticing Maxwell pacing back and fourth in front of the fire. 

“Maxwell it’s not like you to be phased by news. Is Robb okay?” (Y/N) asked concerned for Robb’s welfare. Maxwell collapsed onto his knees, looking ashamed of himself. 

“My Queen, please don’t hate me for what I am about to tell you. The King has been having an affair with a young women called Talisa” Affair? Talisa. Robb. No! He would never have an affair! She thought to herself. 

“Did you see them together?” (Y/N) asked quietly, Jon could see her heart breaking at the thought of Robb with someone else, he took her in his arms as her knees buckled beneath her. 

“My Queen,I have, I would never come with word of such betrayal without actual evidence. Her name is Talisa Haegyr, a noblewomen from the free city Volantis, she gained medical training relocated to Westeros when she could no longer stand slavery, the King found her sometime ago” The news devastated (Y/N), what more did Robb want from her? She bared him two beautiful sons she ran and maintained Winterfell with Jon’s aid. Yet while she was in Winterfell with their children, he was fucking some noble whore. There was no denying the pain that she felt. But seeing Maxwell so intimidated and afraid, it didn’t make her feel any easier. 

“Maxwell, it’s not your fault. I could never hate you. You are the most loyal of messengers. I consider you a loyal friend, a protector of my sons I only have one question, do you know where Robb is? She asked as she took Maxwell hands in hers.

“Of course, my Queen” (Y/N) smiled before looking up at Jon. She gave him a look that he had never seen off her before 

“Tell Marie to prepare the boys for travel. Pack your bags or travel. Gather food, water and blankets for the journey. Get twenty of our best men, make sure their prepared. Maxwell,will you take us to Robb” Maxwell and Jon were surprised at how calm she was. But in  reality her heart was breaking and she desired nothing more to run to their shared room and cry. But she was Queen of the North and mother of two.

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The times are quite glorious



Prompt: Walking home together.

From @bandicoot88

Hope you will all enjoy. ^^ _______________________________________________________

The stars are brilliant at this time of night as we wander these streets like a ritual I don’t dare to break, for darling, the times are quite glorious.

Roth often thinks that the night is much more alive and richly colored than the day. For London’s city lights burn ever so brighty and enlivens a warm glow throughout the darkened allyways.

Allyways where lovers meet and each kiss a secret, between the shadow and the soul. How flippantly we all treat a secret love, like a joke, something cute, as if it’s just a sweet little thing to pat. But when we are the secret lover, we hold our breath with each word they speak, we long so desperately for their touch, even just brief, we could almost bleed as we long for it so.

Jacob Frye.

Nature had squandered an unreasonable quantity of male beauty on this undeserving creature. Roth was taken with him even before the moment he walked in the door, and Roth knew the first moment he saw the young man that it was going to be raw, it was going to be ugly, and he was going to enjoy every damn minute of it.

“Well, that was fun.” Jacob playfully smiles and nudges on Roth’s shoulder, looking up at his face in excitement, still living off the adrenaline.

“Darling, fun does not even begin to cover it.” Roth corrects, with a fond chuckle. They where making their way home after a rather lively night of sabotaging Starrick’s shipments, by lightning them on fire and making it seem like the Theems was a sea of red. Roth had laughed and opened his arms warm and widely at the boy’s endevours of the day.

Apart from that, Maxwell seems to have created a soft spot for the boy, who seems to feel just as much or even more drawn in by the older man as well. Maxwell has not failed to notice that the young man is less guarded around his company than before, lets himself relax around the him and often looks for his guidance and perhaps even his approval.

The older man is allured by him, allured by his piercing eyes and knowing smirk. He’s bewitched by his vigour and playfulness but he’s even more fascinated by the swiftness of his feet, the bloodlust of his fist and the freedom of his ways. With a quick lip and a fierce tongue, the sort of tongue that draws you in with charm and drives you utterly insane at times, but even the mere thought of him keeps the templar up at night.

The storm they caused that night was long past, the night sky was beset with stars.

“Look there.” Roth pointed toward the northern sky. “Polaris.” Jacob looked up with an amused grin on his face. “The constant north star, one of man’s most dependable guides.” “Polaris will be waiting for us there when we are old and have experienced a lifetime of joys and regrets,” The man continued, a wistful note in his voice.

“Don’t go soft on me now, sly devil.” Jacob snickers softly, shaking his head in further amusement. Never the one for sentimental discussions in the deep night, unless it was with himself.

Meanwhile, Roth’s eyebrows leap upwards and his eyes sparkle bright with interest. He allows himself to walk closer next to the young man, gaze dropping to his amused features.

“Jacob, dear. I figured you thought higher of me than that.” Roth says, and Jacob finally looks over to him and immediately his eyes seem to visibly lighten up, and the amused scorn on his face is quickly replaced with a boyish smile.

“Hi,” the boy grins up at him.

“Hello dear,” He replies, with another affectionate chuckle. The assassin’s eyes explore his in curiosity only a younger man is allowed to have and Roth can feel his grin widening. “My dear, wasn’t your stop a few blocks back?”

“What?” Jacob looks up in surprise and looks over his shoulder, back to the road they have been strolling on for quite some time now. “Well, I’m used to the rooftops. You cannot fault me for that.” He continues, a flustered chuckle escapes him as he corrects the little cap on his head. “I suppose I should head back then? Right?” He smirks, but his expression was less sure and it wavered for a moment when Roth met his gaze.

Silence descended upon them, interrupted only by the sound of meaningless chatter amplified by a pub’s music nearby. Jacob had cast his eyes elsewhere already, and Maxwell’s thought process shudders to an abrupt halt when the other withdraws slightly, but he doesn’t want Jacob to.

“You do not have to.” Roth says unquestionably, and it catches the other by surprise. His voice is like liquid sin and his authority over his urges are completely vanished into thin air.

“Why don’t you stay, Jacob?”


Jacob wishes the man wouldn’t look at him the way he does – following his every move like a lion watches a gazelle. He shuts his eyes to avoid looking at the naked hungry in the templar’s eyes, he doesn’t want to acknowledge that hunger, those raw emotions. He wants to stay in his self-made utopia where he doesn’t have to deal with these unholy feelings, he wasn’t sure what was happening, but his heart was beating faster and his body felt alight with nerves

The thing is, Jacob has never felt an attraction to men. He had always enjoyed and adored women, loved their curves and soft bodies. Roth on the other hand, is rough and has lots of sharp edges. Tall like a goddamn tree and his body is hard and cold like a goddamn rock. You see, he’s not at all like the ladies Jacob has ever been with ever considered attractive.

So, Jacob’s fucked. He realizes he’s all sorts of fucked. His unhealthy, unnatural obsession with this man is getting out of control, and makes him feel like some kind of unholy pervert. This templar had taken over his dreams, his thoughts, and occupied every corner of his mind as he keeps coming back for more.

He needs to stop getting these filthy thoughts inside of his head but, he does not know how. There are too many questions and too many answers he isn’t ready to hear.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Roth…” He whispers, sounding as unnerved and vulnerable as he feels.

He want to devour me. Yet I yearn to trace the outlines of his features - he wish to consume me. And the more I take steps back, the more he strides forward, and it makes me want him more.

But he is water and I am forbidden to drink.

Roth simply holds his gaze and then steps forward, Jacob doesn’t move; just watches with hesitancy in his eyes.

“That has never held you back before, my dear.” The man insists with that sly smirk of his before he kicks Jacob’s legs apart, and Roth makes his move by pulling him in such a dark allyway and pressing him gently against the nearest wall.


The man presses his own legs between his, and now he’s so close that their chests are touching, and his fingers are sliding into Jacob’s hair, to the back of his head, his little cap forgotten on the ground. He’s locking in his prey but, his hands are surprisingly gentle. God, those fingers. Jacob doesn’t know how it’s possible for a person to feel all the things at once that he’s feeling right now. There’s astonishment, awe and eagerness but also worry, uneasiness and slight terror. His whole body is in a state of great turmoil as he trembles at the feel of Roth’s caress.

The older man doesn’t say anything, but his features soften just a bit, tracing the assassin’s cheek and coaxing him further up against the wall. Jacob doesn’t want to let out that gasp but there’s no stopping it and it brings a chuckle from Roth, who’s in the process looking at Jacob like he’s the most dreamy thing on the planet, followed up by him stroking his cheek with his thumb.

Double bollocks.


He’s never seen Roth like this before, cocksure, yes, but overbearing and doting was something new entirely. Jacob reaches out to his face, checking for the man’s permission carefully, but the man just smiles amused and meets him halfway, Jacob’s hand now gently exploring his jawline. He seems to relish at the feel of Jacob’s hand, like he’s been touch starved for ages, and perhaps he has. Roth gently takes it with his own, bring it to his lips and kisses the younger man’s knuckles softly, his eyes never leaving Jacob’s. So seductive and so sensual, it makes the Jacob’s nerves of steel tremble at the sight. Jacob’s heart is slamming frantically in his chest, and it’s too much. He feels his resolve crumbling, while Roth overwhelms him, leaning forward to cover the small distance between them.

He coaxes Jacob further up against the wall, grabbing his face in his hands and crushing their lips together. The boy’s eyes immediately close and his hands fly up to clutch the man’s wrists, as if to shove him away. But Roth is using his taller frame to press against the man in front of him and all Jacob is able to do is to clutch his face and hold on. Roth is dominating the kiss and Jacob can only blindly follow. The kisses are open-mouthed but chaste, desperate. It deepens, and Jacob groans shakily when the strong arms tighten around his body.

“Give in to me, my dear…” The older man pants between their heated kisses, their rough breathing is the only sound that fills the small alley as the man’s hips grind against him, stealing Jacob’s breath away while his own uncontrollable body bucks at the contact. “Roth…” He is air and I am not allowed to breathe.

“I-I should go!” He mumbles in haste and quickly releases himself from the man’s firm grip on his arms.

“”M sorry.” He hears himself say as he places his long abandoned cap back on his tousled hair, catching the slight frustration evident on the man’s face. Jacob pushes down his cap to hide his features and more imporantly, his feelings away from this man.

“Don’t leave it like this,” he hears the man whisper and Jacob wishes it didn’t pull at his heartstring the way it did.

“Goodnight, Roth. ” Jacob murmurs, and he heard the faintest of tremors beneath his voice. He can feel Roth’s eyes burning on his face but before the man can stop him- Jacob’s gone.

Jacob makes it easier for people to let him go by making them hate him a little.


Hope you enjoyed, much love <333

This time, I’ll be reviewing Switch #3 by Stjepan Sejic. Sorry for how long it’s been since my last review. But here I am!

Before I get to anything else, I’d like to draw attention to the cover (seen above).  Here, we have a wide variety of the wielders who our heroine, Mary Parker, draws from. I’ll identify them clockwise, starting with the bottom left. First, we have Una, who we’ve been introduced to before. A cavewoman, she was the first wielder of the Witchblade, unless others wielded it before it came to Earth. She’s not exactly one for words, befitting her time period, and seems to be more in line with using the Witchblade as a blunt instrument than as a tool for more complex strategems. Next we have Imani, an African woman who first shows up in this issue and seems to favor a bow. More on her below. Then, at the top, is Hilde, from the times of Norse mythology, with a hammer. The wielder in the Stetson hat with the overall Wild West appearance and the handgun as her primary weapon is unknown to me, but the closest I can think of for her would likely be Enola from the prime Top Cow continuity, from the one-shot “Witchblade: Day of the Outlaws.” Minato comes next, hailing from what appears to be an Asian country (which one I am uncertain, but most likely before the widespread use of firearms) and uses some form of sword from her country of origin. Lastly is a redheaded spear-wielder from what I assume is Medieval Europe, based upon her attire and, according to preview images on Mr. Sejic’s DeviantART page, a less-than-healthy obsession with killing dragons with it. This small sampling is likely not all of the wielders. In fact, I am certain of it, as Zala the Twilight Empress is not shown. However, the many conflicting opinions are very amusing and give a good feel for how the comic goes, mixing action with bickering in a satisfactory way.

Now then, on to the issue within. Much like the previous issue, this one does not dive directly into the fray. Instead, we look at Sara Pezzini’s love of coffee, not to mention a brief mention of her sister, Julie. In the prior continuity, Julie entered into a relationship with Jake McCarthy, Detective Pezzini’s partner, but he appears to not even know about said sister in this one, judging from how Sara has to identify her by name. Given that this comic focuses heavily on the adventures (and misadventures) of Mary, her friends, and her enemies both known and unknown, I am unsure if the relationship will come up again. Joe Siry, the captain in charge of Sara’s precinct, also appears, but it is unknown if he will have an important role either, especially considering he seems to be more angry with what has happened regarding the Irons City Grid, whereas he had a connection to Kenneth Irons in the prior continuity. On a related note, I love the use of word bubbles in this scene. While there have been dashes on the outside of said bubbles before to show anger or other high emotion in voices, the heart-shaped bubble that showed when Dectective Pezzini took a sip of her long-awaited coffee showed far more emotion than some other authors would, when they would perhaps place a tilde (~) at the end of a phrase to indicate playfulness or lengthen words, increasing their size or repeating certain letters in a word.

When we last left our heroine, she was about to face off against General Celestine of the Angelus Warriors. I have to feel bad for the guy whose car is utterly smashed (along with Mary’s rib) in the part of the fight we enter upon. Still, it was very amusing. When we come back to Una, I was very pleased to see that Mr. Sejic is taking into account that while Mary is channeling the super strength of Una, she is still a “scrawny teenager” and so cannot perform the same feats.

That’s what we have Imani for, who takes up the role of channeled power. I enjoy the look at the different sides of the different bearers. While Una is filled with primal anger and courage, Imani instead projects wisdom and determination. While Una moves with Mary, practically possessing her, Imani instead guides her as a teacher, only taking complete control when absolutely needed. Una’s unbridled ferocity worked for some situations, but not all, as there is no real attempt at defensive measures. By contrast, the first thing Imani does is show Mary how to defend against the holy fire that Celestine projects, then how to create a bow. That bow in particular was something that I greatly enjoyed. I have always been a fan of using powers in unique ways, and the way in which Mary is taught to not only disassemble the threads that make up the three arrows she simultaneously loosed, but also entangle her opponent and even banish her to the plane from which she came without needing to use anything more than vocal commands really shows more of what mystical effects the Witchblade is capable of.

This isn’t to say that Una is useless. As soon as the fight against this more powerful foe is over, she helps to guide Mary in climbing a building away from the police. All that this means is that Una is more attuned to less refined forms of defense, such as running when needed and not in direct combat.

Sonatine’s aggravation never ceases to amuse me. He seems like a man who feels as though he is completely surrounded by imbeciles who cannot accomplish anything of import. Still, he also seems rather kind, for what he can do. He is relatively nice to Tony, his charge, though harsh when he feels he has to be in order to protect him. On the other hand, I found it rather odd that Tony immediately knew Mary is the same person with whom he was once very friendly. Still, this is somewhat ameliorated by the fact that he asks for her last name. Most other fiction would completely ignore that half and assume that there is only one person per first name, even if this is not the case. In fact, this happens sometimes for people I know in my own life, where it is no less silly in my opinion.

The return to Sara and Jake at the scene of the battle had another refreshing addition. While all of the data of the fight was digitally removed from all mobile devices of the people who saw said fight, Sara is rather astute, immediately becoming suspicious of Kenneth Irons, who would have access to the data, and whose city protection grid has failed twice in recent times, both times at these “angel” sightings. Of course, this raises questions about why Irons does not manufacture more issues with his grid at other times to cover his tracks, but that can be chocked up to his apparent egotism.

Following Irons himself discussing how he is in need of adapting his plans to changing circumstances and how he may be visited by one of the Angelus’ agents, Mary finds herself in “the Crossing,” which could be deemed a kind of waiting room for the fallen of the Witchblade, where they come across one another. Here, Mary learns of the past of the Witchblade, including the Darkness and the Angelus, along with meeting with Una and Imani in person.

Imani’s description of the purpose for the Witchblade is very potent, not to mention one I enjoy as a synopsis. “A whisper of SHADOW to offer shelter from endless light – if ANGELUS was to claim victory… a SPARK of light to keep the universe anchored if DARKNESS was to prevail.”

Also interesting, not to mention hilarious, is Mary’s even more succinct description of its nature. “Light and darkness HATE each other except this one time when they LIKED each other very very much, made a BABY, and that baby is now this thing on my hand, right?” Hard to deny that’s pretty much exactly what it is, so Imani doesn’t even try.

Speaking of Zala from earlier, it is in this issue that Mary finally meets her. The double page spread that introduces her in full is absolutely gorgeous, with the sharp lines in many of the pages completely smoothed out to show off the character designs as if they were stand-alone paintings, rather than pieces of a larger comic book. Zala looks intimidating, not unlike Maleficent of Sleeping Beauty fame, and the gray eyes of Mary as she looks upon her are just as breathtaking. I do not know if Stjepan or Linda Sejic made these pages, but thank you for them, for showing just how beautiful the art of Top Cow can be.

Even with how intimidating she is, Zala is not without sources of amusement. She seems to forget that the fact that her name has been hidden from history, as she herself admits, means that a later bearer such as Mary would be extremely unlikely to have any idea who she is, to her chagrin. I am reminded of Maxwell Lord IV’s anger during the Brightest Day regarding loss of memory of Wonder Woman by the general populace. But I digress.

The talk with Zala shows me something else: apparently Mary’s ability to channel the power of other Witchblade users is unique to her. Is that her special skill set, like those of the others? If so, what was Zala’s? Magic only?

After some issues with getting Mary to accept her role as the new bearer, I was actually laughing out loud at her reasoning that led her to accept. She doesn’t care about cosmic balance, light versus dark, or any of that. She’s a teenager, and seemingly a geek besides. Why does she agree? Because she has an actual alien weapon! That’s the kind of thing many a science fiction fan would love to say, even if not to use it. That display of humanity and normality had me laughing for a large part of the day.

While I feel sorry for Mr. Stjepan Sejic’s injury that led to the delay of this issue, I wish him the best. I can’t wait until next issue!

Sometimes It Just Happens

Set directly after the last scene in Alex’s apartment 2X6. Kara plays wingman and finds herself a girlfriend in the process.

@kevlarknight94 requested some Sanvers and this is what happened

My first attempt at Supergirl, so let me know what you think!

She held Alex until the tears finally stopped coming.

Her shirt was soaked, and Alex’s face was red and splotchy, but she had stopped crying, and her breathing was even enough that Kara no longer had to worry about how much oxygen she was getting. She placed a kiss to Alex’s forehead and pulled away, wincing as she heard Alex’s joints pop and crack. She glanced at the clock. She had barged into Alex’s apartment over two hours ago, no wonder her stomach felt like it was eating itself.

“How do you feel?” It was a stupid question, but she had to ask. Had to know that she was helping somehow. She wasn’t used to the role of comforter, that was usually Alex’s job. She had every intention of helping Alex through this, even if she wasn’t exactly sure how.


Kara nodded and Alex’s smile was sad.

“Like shit.” Alex swiped a hand under her nose. “But it feels good to cry it out.”

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Super SuperCat Fic Recs

This post won’t be updated anymore. Instead, go to the Super SuperCat Fic Rec Page.

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List of Don’t Starve Fanfiction Recommendations

Nimble speaking. I thought I’d compile a list of some of my favourite Don’t Starve fanfics that I think everyone should read.

I want to apologize to all of the writers on this list because I really don’t comment on fics as often as I should to express how much I love them…Just know that I am very picky when it comes to fanfic quality and if you’re on this list that means i love you!

I encourage my fellow Don’t Starve fiction lovers to add to this list so we can all share the best of the best DS fics!

Note 1: I know someone’s going to say this, so I’m just gonna clarify—I’m not adding any fic that I wrote on this list because (a) My ego isn’t THAT inflated and (b) I absolutely DO NOT deserve to be on the same list as some of these amazing authors, seeing as I would sell my soul and worship the ground they walk on to learn their secrets!

Note 2: I know some of these writers have tumblrs but I don’t remember where they are! If you see your name on this list or you know where their tumblrs are, give me a buzz so I can link them directly. Thank you!

“The Infinite Obituary of Wilson P. Higgsbury”
by HideousBlob

An AMAZING oneshot series about various characters in the Don’t Starve world. It contains great character analyses and plenty of exploration into their personal relationships with each other—which is always great. I’m personally always up for platonic bonding! Contains some Willowson and maybe some other pairings that I forget.

 “Looks Like You’re Having Some Trouble”
by Asidian

Most of Asidian’s stuff is worth checking out in general, but I have a particular fondness for this one, which is an exploration of the characters’ lives prior to the events of Don’t Starve. He/She/They/Other has some pretty interesting takes on their backstories, some elements of which I’ve adopted into my personal head canon. The writing’s solid and reflects the sombre tone of DS well.

“Shadows and Spotlights”
by Percival T. Honeybee

I feel this one hasn’t gotten as much attention as it deserves because it truly is a marvellous take on how William Carter became Maxwell. It explores Maxwell and Charlie’s relationship prior to DS. The writing’s fairly solid too, but I’m not a huge fan of first person perspective.

Untitled Willowson Fic
by @ka-star

I’m a sucker for Willowson so naturally I’m adding this gem. Contains beautiful character interaction and plenty of feels!

“You Will Not Fall”
by Asidian

Okay yeah, I’m gonna cave and add another one of Asidian’s to this list. This oneshot focuses on Wolfgang and Wes, and their relationship prior to the events of DS. I love the friendship between these two so this is one oneshot gives me warm feelings inside.

by WhimsicalPasquinade

I guess I have a fondness for prequels because here’s another one. This one centres on Willow. <3

“Nightmare Radio”
by ThatRandomGuy

This one, I feel, is one of the more interesting entries on this list simply because it revolves around a character from DS lore: Robert Wagstaff.

by angel1876

A solid fic that does great justice to Wendy’s personality. Contains Webber as well, which is great because I love the idea that Wendy and Webber are best friends.

That’s honestly all I can think of at the moment…I’m basically just adding fics that I’ve bookmarked. I’ll probably add more as I think of them, but like I said, if my fellow DS fandomers want to expand this list, please go right ahead!

In Mourning

(Based on a post I saw here on tumblr, I can’t find it again though so I can’t credit the author sorry >.< if you find it tell me so I can credit them)

Magnus Bane always wore black. It was his ‘signature look’ some people called it. Some people, like his close friends, knew better, but most thought the look very mysterious and sexy. Catarina watched her friend as he ambled toward her, weaving through the bodies of the party-goers, a deep scowl on his face. If anyone had told her that one day Magnus would loathe going to parties, she would have called them crazy.

“Cat, why do you keep dragging me to these things?” he muttered angrily as he sat beside her at the bar. “If I have to escape another handsy vampire I’m going to scream.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so desirable Magnus,” Catarina shrugged. “And you should get out more, have some fun.”

“Trust me, this is the least I’ve ever had.” Magnus mumbled.

Catarina sighed. It was always like this. She felt kind of bad for dragging Magnus with her whenever she discovered a new club or was invited to a party, but he never denied her invitations. Sure he grumbled, but he always went with her. Out of friendship or concern for her safety, or simply because he knew arguing with her was pointless, Cat didn’t know. She didn’t go to many parties really, but when she did it caused a stir, because everyone knew Magnus Bane would be beside her. There were whispers that they were lovers, but the two just rolled their eyes at that, not even bothering to try and stem that rumour. Cat herself was a beautiful woman, but it was Magnus that most eyes landed on. Magnus Bane was an elusive warlock, not many people had the privilege of laying eyes on his magnificent form these days, he was very private and didn’t go out in public much. So to have Magnus at your party was not only an honour, but it was a source of fame.

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[trans] Harper’s Bazaar Jonghyun Interview (June 2016)

※ Do not re-translate into another language

Your actual atmosphere is very different from the sides we see you on TV. You are very energetic on stage but you actually have a small voice and talk slow in real life.

J: That’s right. The image shown on TV and how I am in real life is very different. I feel anxious in front of a camera. (Bazaar: Even though you’re a singer of 9 years since debut?) Even though no one believes it, I still am. Stage cameras are okay but I get very tensed up when I’m on reality or on variety shows. So, maybe that’s why people say I feel much younger on TV. It’s not like that at all when you meet me in real life right?

You seemed to show a buoyant spirit on TV but I feel like you are introverted and calm in real life. You also looked at your smartphone in silence when there was free time in between shooting.

J: I am searching up videos on Youtube. I watch it to keep me awake when I have schedules or feel sleepy. I rarely get any sleep if I have schedules starting from early morning. I started sleeping late out of habit ever since I dropped out of high school as I didn’t have a specific time to go to school. I actually slept only about 2 hours each day until 2 years ago. I felt fine back then but I started to feel a chronic fatigue since last year… I am naturally a sensitive person and I think I’m more sensitive since it’s just before my album release. I am the type of personality who dives into something very fiercely until I finish it. I think about the things I need to revise all day.

You picked dropping out of high school as your first turning point in life. What is your reason?

J: It was a choice that allowed me to escape from puberty. I only realized this by now but I actually just notified my mum (about dropping out) rather than asking her consent. Of course, I asked her permission saying that I have set up this plan, but from my mum’s perspective I think it must have sounded like “I’m going to drop out no matter what”. I think I was able to grow more mentally because my mum respected my choice. My environment had changed in one day and as much as I felt my mum’s trust in me I felt stronger responsibility. It felt like my mind had stretched out as if someone was holding my head and toes and stretched me. So it might have left stretchmarks or scars but it’s a wound of glory.

In one web magazine, they called SHINee as ‘delicate artist’ when picking out the 5 charms of each SHINee members. Do you agree?

J: Naturally I thought differently because I am walking on a path that not an average person would pick since young. It is correct that I don’t fit into being ordinary (t/n: he is referring to his career as an idol). However, I personally feel that being artistic is a phrase that’s been glossed over prettily. People say it’s ‘artistic’ to describe things like ‘it’s peculiar’, ‘it’s not understandable’, ‘it’s progressive’ or ‘his/her opinion is distinct’ in a positive way. I should say its real meaning is a little different from its meaning used in social context. Art is same as well. Isn’t art something about interpreting and expressing something in your own language? It’s not something only beautiful or heavy but the meaning of art in society includes an element of fantasy. In that context, I think idols can be artists too. Art isn’t something very grandiose.

It is right that you don’t fit into the type of an ordinary idol. Even by looking at your music, you fill your whole album only with self-composed songs or you work as a producer and a songwriter for musicians of other agencies such as Lee Hi, Kim Yerim, IU, etc.

J: My dream was becoming a song writer originally. I picked singer as a way to achieve that dream more easily. It wasn’t planned, it happened to be like that as the timing was right but I don’t regret it even thinking about it now. It turned out to be a good fortune. I think idols are artists who are at a very advantageous position. Musicians need to be conceptual and idols are great in terms of exciting one’s imagination. Also people call idols that make music as ‘above expectation’ due to stereotypes even though making music isn’t really particularly something that special. It’s an inherent flaw and a strength that idols have.

You don’t say you love or thank them unconditionally when interacting with fans too. I thought it was very realistic when you said “The relationship between artist and fans is not simply only something just beautiful. We expect, disappoint, impress, get angry with each other… It’s a relationship of a person to person that goes through these emotions several times.”

J: I hear from a lot of people asking “Can idols say such things like that?”. Especially during interviews like this (laugh). But I think it’s the right thing to do to speak honestly to fans and people who know me well. Of course, there will be people who might be upset. But on the opposite, I think it could also hurt people when I hide myself or show something fake. I would rather show my real side, I am not a person who can hurt people by lying. So I always tell my fans that “I’m just a person who show up on TV. We will continuously be good friends.” Fans will know very well about what I mean.

So you’re the type of person who says clearly about your thoughts. In your solo mini album <BASE> that was released last year, I was impressed by the distinct sense of identity that wasn’t collapsed by SM’s planning ability.

J: I think it’s not meaningful if solo albums weren’t like that. My music can be divided largely into two; work that I do for personal interest and work with a purpose of wanting to create a certain image to the general public. Both are meaningful but for solo I think it’s only correct to show focusing on the former. I didn’t want to create another view of SHINee. So while planning for <BASE>, I suggested the company of making a unit or a collaboration album if they wanted to lead the album into the direction that they wanted. I had confidence that my solo album will come out some day even if it didn’t get released last year. The important thing was not when the album would be released, it was a problem about what kind of thoughts I would put into so I didn’t push them impatiently. Then two days later I received a call “Then do what you want to do”. When thinking of SM, people usually have this image of high suppression or no exchange of opinions but it’s not really like that. Since the company has high standard within itself, it might be hard to overcome that wall. But to say my personal opinion… you just need to do well. Then you’ll be able to do what you want.

Did you express freely about what you kept in your mind in your new full album which will be released sometime in May?

J: I wanted to create a sexual album. An album that had an overall sexy nuance not only with the title song and something that would inspire imagination rather than something blindly provocative. But there’s a difference as a producer to start its work saying “I want to create this kind of album” and to reveal “I have worked thinking something like this” after completing it. There were a lot of ‘tackles’ that came in asking me to relax or hold back a little when I proceeded my work letting people already know that it’ll have a ‘sexual’ code. They would interpret lyrics into something that was sexy while it was really nothing…(laugh) It was fun too as whether they were informed about it or not influenced so much on interpreting the music. As a result, I am satisfied because I was able to do things that I like as much I can. Of course, it’s fun and thankful if the album does well but even if it doesn’t I have already accomplished the intended goal.

A sexual nuance that stirs imagination, it naturally makes me think of Maxwell or D'Angelo.

J: Of course, I have neo-soul genre that I sing in a falsetto style too. Apart from that, there’s a diverse genre mixed in the album such as PB R&B and new jazz. Hip hop was so in style for a while so I naturally listened to a lot of hip hop beats. I was able to ease my curiosity on beats that I have recently become interested into such as future bass or trap. In general, it’s a story of ‘having a romantic something between two’ or ‘falling in love’ so there are no break-up songs, not even one ballad.

It’s a concept that makes me anticipate on its presentation, just like how you changed your voice in each track of <BASE> as if you were acting a character. For that reason, you received a review that it was a theatrical album.

J: It’s a part that I consider extremely important. To express emotions comfortably and accurately, you need to use your breaths rather than the tone or depth of your voice. The breaths are all different when you cry, laugh, or be surprised so when you use that appropriately you can show expressions just through your voice. For writing lyrics too, I tend to start work after constructing the personality of the character accurately first. Of course, the idea grows by substituting myself so a lot of my personality is seeped into the character. The most important thing is the situation that the narrator of the song and the listener is in. If I don’t set the general frame, I cannot get ideas on not only about the lyrics but the melodies too.

What kind of person is the narrator of this album?

J: He’s very unctuous but it doesn’t mean he’s flaky. He’s the type of person who makes jokes often and says cheesy things without hesitation. That kind of man that girls scold him saying he’s cheesy but you end up liking him secretly.

I heard you really enjoy writing including lyrics too. You have a habit of making memos of every little inspiration because you aim to become a writer.

J: My dream was to become a novelist or a Korean language teacher during middle school. But after taking my first mid-term exam I thought ‘Ah, I can never be a teacher’ because my grades were so bad. So I joined in the school’s band and changed my career path as making music and writing lyrics. Even when I go see fortune tellers, they say that I have an ability to deliver thoughts and persuade people. The fortune teller said “Your fate is to become a teacher but since you haven’t studied at all you’re a con man!”. (laugh) People who are eloquent or have a literary talent is so attractive as an artist or as an opposite sex. I want to start writing in earnest whether it is poems or novels when I’m over 30.

Your novel <Diphylleia Grayi: Things that have been released and set free>could be considered as a small start then. Why did you write a love story when you said you never read romance novels or watch romantic movies?

J: That’s the irony in life. I thought who the readers would be when I wrote the book just like when I write lyrics. The majority of the readers will be female so I thought what kind of stories from me would they listen and be swayed by the most. And that was a love story. But I thought I could never write more than 2 pages about lovey dovey romantic relationship so I wrote a story about break-up and times after the break-up. I was in great happiness all throughout the writing process because I was able to look back to myself in a different way than writing diaries or lyrics. There are 4 characters in the book. The male protagonist, the female protagonist, singer and a junior colleague of the male protagonist. All four of them are sides of me. Encountering with a character that were given each side of myself, that work was so fun. People usually would think the male protagonist is me but that man is the attitude that I have when doing music and the woman shows the attitude that I have when treating people that I work with. The singer is me from other people’s eyes, and the junior colleague is the side of myself that I show when I’m in love.

That junior colleague had a role of offering condolence silently at a distance.

J: To speak honestly… It’s when I’m in a one-sided love. When I fall in love, I tend to continue that emotion blindly so much that I haven’t loved that many people since I was born until now. It’s difficult and takes a long time until the moment I’m in love. Maybe it’s because of that, I had an abstract plan of making a family before but now I don’t even want to date or get married. I am satisfied with the way I am in life and I’m having fun in making other plans than a romantic relationship so I’m really into that.

I was actually surprised that you found the word ‘Diphylleia Grayi (Skeleton Flower)’. It’s a rare flower that becomes clear when it gets wet, it’s not a word we use commonly.

J: It’s such a pretty flower. I really like finding words like that. If I have a word that I like, I search to know its dictionary definition and think about what kind of social meaning it has. It’s like doing a lot of addition and subtraction with a word. Sentences and words tend to stay in my memory a lot.

Is there any phrase or word that crosses your mind lately?

J: There’s a text message that someone sent me and it remained in my memory for a long time. “Let’s meet for sure before the spring comes.” That sentence was so pretty and it was fun because that person doesn’t use honorifics to me but said something like that. It felt warm too, I wondered why that person said it in a way setting an abstract time limit rather than saying March or April. I felt a little moved by it. I wrote a story and also made a song called ‘Us, before spring comes’ because of that. He’s a close hyung who’s currently abroad and spring has already passed before we got to meet. But I think it will still remain before I release ‘Us, before the spring comes’.

Like all of your lyrics or novels, you are actually a person with a romantic side. Do you think you’re a romanticist yourself?

J: Yes and I’m also a dreamer too. Dreamers are people who dream hopeless dreams. I believe there should be lots of dreamers. Even though it’s a hopeless dream, a change can be induced by having more people who try to reach that dream. What’s funny is that once that dream is realized, they are no longer dreamers. But I hope they stay as dreamers by finding another dream again. It is correct that I am a person who’s objective and realistic at the same time too. What that means is that I know very well that people don’t understand me. I carry out what I want to do saying “I know people will find me strange when I talk like this but I’m still going to do how I want”. It could be a rebellious spirit or a way to attack the unexpected. Things that seem so useless in the eyes of others or things that people would think why would he give such a deep meaning to that extent, things that I can’t even understand; I really like those things.

What other ‘useless’ thoughts do you have for instance?

J: The true meaning of existence? For example, like Santa Claus. Everyone knows that it doesn’t exist in the world but when you do something good due to your faith that Santa Claus exists, in another words I believe it exists regardless of whether its existence is real or not when it influences me in a way. Like that, the boundary of ‘it exists’ and ‘it doesn’t exist’ collapses.

It’s an ‘artistic’ thought.

J: Yes. Artists are people who make the most unpractical things in the world. But I think that’s the difference between creatures and human. Ah, I am into the word ‘creature’ lately. It has a more sophisticated nuance compared to beast but it still has its raw feeling without sounding like it’s a swear word. I think my intention isn’t delivered correctly when I say ‘the difference between a beast and a human’. I think about such things too. What the difference between beast and creature is, how different is its depth. When I talk about something like this people usually say “Yeah. It is philosophical. Humans need to think about such things and look deeper. But do you must…?” or “So, have you watched <Zootopia>?”.

Thank you, Becky Cooper

Rating: T

Pairing: WestAllen

Summary: High school AU. Barry is being bothered by the absolute nightmare that is Becky Cooper… Iris decides to help out her best friend and that plan may involve… fake-dating? ;) Based on a prompt I got at ff.net

Iris was just at her locker to put the books of her first two periods away, when a dull *clang* next to her startled her out of her thoughts. She turned around to see her best friend standing at his locker (that was only two doors down from hers), his forehead resting against its cool metal, eyes closed in exasperation.
Iris scrunched up her nose in confusion. She knew that Barry’s last lesson must have been chemistry, one of his favorite subjects he just wouldn’t stop shutting up about… normally. Definitely no reason to look so glum.
“Something wrong, Bear?” Iris asked worriedly.
“Hrnngh” Barry replied growling, while opening his locker with unnecessary much force and subsequently shoving his books into it indignantly, “you’ll just say ‘I told you so’…” he stuffed his history book into his backpack in a manner that made Iris wonder if that book had ever personally offended him and slammed his locker door shut.
The two teenagers made their way towards their next class, history.
Iris was pretty sure she knew what Barry was referring to: “Ooooh, let me guess the source of your misery – is it… THE Nightmare, also known as Becky Cooper?” Her face distorted with disgust like she was talking about a particularly gross animal… something like a slug or a very hairy spider. Unfortunately Becky Cooper was neither the one nor the other but a real nasty human being.
Barry just nodded affirmatively, a big frown on his face.
Iris shook her head, “See? I told…” she cut herself off, not wanting to rub salt into Barry’s wounds. Instead, Iris decided to ask one simple question: “What did she do?”
Barry sighed, irritatedly running a hand through his hair. “I was almost late for chemistry and everyone was already partnered up for today’s lesson – except for Becky, of course. We made it through the lesson quite okay – I was focussing on conducting the experiment and she talked… a lot. But then, towards the end of class, she – well – let’s say she asked me to come to her house at 5 and help her with her homework-”
“You mean she commanded you to do that, right?” Iris interrupted. Everyone knew that Becky Cooper did not ask anyone for anything. Also, ’help’ was not a word in Becky’s vocabulary.
Barry just shrugged, not wanting to give Iris the satisfaction of another 'I told you so’, “Anyway. I said that I had other plans and had no intention to change them. She got angry and made it clear that otherwise our first date last Saturday would also be our last date if I did not do as she ’asked’,” Barry’s voice turned bitter at that last word.
They entered the classroom and seated themselves in the last row, other students pooled inside the room as well, sitting down chattily.
“And?” Iris pressed on. Their class was going to start in a minute or so and Mr. Maxwell did not tolerate any kind of conversation besides his own boring monologues.
“And I told her that I wasn’t interested in showing up at her house or in another date with her.”
“Bravo, Bear!” Iris complimented her friend, grinning proudly. Usually Becky Cooper’s victims took weeks until they finally freed themselves from her evil clutches. And by then, they were in alarming conditions… or at least their self-confidence was.
“Yeah…” Barry murmured deflated, by far not as triumphant as Iris was expecting him to be.
“And she kindly told me that she has been the only one to bestow her mercy upon me and go on a date with me for a good reason… Oh, and that I should go on and start adopting cats to get used to my eternal loneliness that will follow up me breaking up with her,” Barry rattled off hastily, on the one hand because he was embarrassed of himself for being bothered by Becky’s remark and on the other hand because Mr. Maxwell had asked the last student coming in to close the door, so he could begin monologuing.
Iris felt her jaw drop. That despicable monster had the audacity…! Oh, she definitely had a bone to pick with that Becky Cooper… Her eyes flitted to her best friend who was sitting there with slumped shoulders, pretending to be eagerly writing down whatever their history teacher was babbling about (Iris knew for a fact that Barry normally made use of their history lessons by napping through them…. she frequently had to explain him what old Maxwell had talked about later on at home).
Seeing Barry so low-spirited made Iris despise Becky Cooper even more.

She remembered warning Barry of Becky after he had sheepishly, but happily announced that he had a date with that certain… person. Iris had heard from some of her female friends how Becky Cooper collected broken nerd hearts like philatelists post stamps. But Barry had laughed her concerns off, reminding Iris that gossip was not necessarily a trustworthy source and he was old enough to take care of himself… yeah, apparently not

'You know that any girl would be happy to be your gf, right?’ Iris scribbled down on a slip of paper, then discreetly slid it to Barry.
She watched her best friend read her message with a strange look on his face, giving her a short and grateful smile (that was somewhat sad around the edges, Iris noticed). That faint reaction as well as Becky Cooper’s disgustingly smug face Iris caught a glimpse of when that nightmare had been passing by Barry during lunchtime, was enough to have Iris spend the rest of her day concocting a devious plan for revenge.

“Let’s teach that Becky Cooper a lesson.” Iris announced decisively the next day, when she and Barry boarded the bus that would take them to school.
“Mhm, yeah sure,” Barry replied apathetically, looking out of the window.
“No, I’m serious, Barry. That horrible person hurt you and I –  as your best friend – demand that we’re gonna wage war against her! And what better way to do that than to throw her stupid words back into her dumb face?!”
Realizing that she really was serious about it, Barry focused his glance on Iris: “What are you talking about?”
Iris grinned, glad to finally have gotten her best friend’s attention: “She said you would end up a crazy, lonely cat-person, right? So what if you turned up with an awesome new girlfriend instead?”
She earned herself a blank stare from Barry.
“Come on, Bear… I’m not that bad of a catch, am I?” Iris joked, nudging Barry’s shoulder playfully, “I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend and hopefully Becky will choke on her cruel, untruthful words and leave you be!”
Barry turned bright red at Iris’s proposal, “I couldn’t ask you to do this for me, Iris…”
“That’s why I’m offering, you big goof,” Iris laughed, winking, “So, what do you say?”

Barry and Iris entered the school building holding hands, just talking like usual. Iris noticed that Barry’s hands were a bit clammy, but she knew that he wasn’t a good liar and just gave him a reassuring squeeze. She had no idea that Barry was nearly fainting because here he was, in public, holding hands with the one girl he’s always loved – even if it was only pretend.
Funnily enough they didn’t have to do a lot differently than usual to assure their cover, Iris noted. A bit more physical contact, sure, but aside from that, no real difference. Besides, this kind of physical contact maybe was a bit unfamiliar for the two of them, but it actually was kind of… nice, Iris mused, while she and Barry were walking down the hallway towards their lockers, with Iris comfortably nestled up against Barry’s body, one of his arms casually draped around her shoulders (okay, maybe not that casually – after all, Iris had to instruct Barry to put his arm around her… but he was getting better at it, slowly but surely reacting to her body instinctively).
She was starting to wonder why nobody of their fellow students reacted to their obvious couple-yness (Iris could have sworn that both Kelly and Alice had winked at her and given her a thumbs up! What was going on with everyone?), when Becky Cooper herself was strutting towards them, giving them both a death glare. Iris could feel Barry turn rigid.
“I know what this is,” Becky hissed, staring daggers at Barry, then Iris.
“An amazing person finding someone to appreciate them for the way they are? Unlike others?” Iris challenged her best friend’s tantalizer, grabbing Barry’s hand to emphasize her point and calm down Barry (and herself).
“Pleease… don’t get the impression that your playing pretend does fool anyone,” Becky sneered, eyes flickering between Barry and Iris.
Barry started to shuffle his feet self-consciously beside her, tentatively tugging on Iris’s hand, trying to pull her away from Becky, who was inching towards the two friends.
Iris felt anger bubbling up inside her – who was that girl to bully Iris’s best friend that way? Someone who had been put through enough misery already without the help of tyrants like Tony Woodward or Becky Cooper… someone who had suffered through so much at an early age and had preserved his gentleness, his goodness, his light?!
“Well, then don’t let this fool you,” Iris growled dangerously, then swiveled around to grab Barry by the collar of his button-down shirt and kiss him hotly on the mouth.
Iris could feel Barry stiffen at first, completely taken aback by her action, but then relaxing again, responding to her lips instinctively. A soothing warmth spread throughout Iris’s entire body, quenching the blazing fire of her previous rage, putting her at ease. She felt Barry’s arms encircling her waist, pulling her closer to him. And strangely enough, It didn’t feel weird at all… It felt right.
In desperate need for air, Barry and Iris broke away from one another, completely dazed by what had just happened.
An unfazed “you owe me ten bucks” coming from one student passing them (apparently directed at his bespectacled friend who promptly was digging some money out of his pocket), brought Barry and Iris back to reality.
Both blushing furiously, Barry and Iris turned around to where Becky Cooper had been standing, only to find out that she was already storming away, not even bothering tossing another glance into their direction. Iris only now became aware of Barry’s hands still resting on her hips comfortably.
“Phew,” she laughed nervously, gnawing her lips, her glance involuntarily wandering back to Barry’s, which were now slightly glittery thanks to her lip gloss, “I never thought I’d say this, but… thank you Becky Cooper?”
Barry laughed huskily, licking off the strawberry lip gloss of his lips.
“Thank you Becky Cooper,” he repeated, grinning goofily at Iris, who rolled her eyes at Barry’s silliness before poking him in the stomach playfully.
“I think you missed a spot.” And with that, Iris planted a big smooch on Barry’s cheek, smearing the rest of her lip gloss all over his face.

Music of 2016, half-time report

Usually I only make one of these each year, but
I’ve been stepping up my music game a bit the last few months. Been bolder and gotten better at dealing with my (pretty deep-seated) apprehension of trying out new things. I absorb things quicker. Kept better track of it all (thanks, Spotify). Started to trust my own opinions more and yeah.
Generally just improved a bit, I guess.

Which is all well and good and it’s (mostly) been a very rewarding experience, but it does also mean that I’ve already managed to collect an AOTY list that’s twice the size of last years. Which is a lot to keep score of. When New Years does come around I’m going to have to be really cruel with my final choices or end up with something preposterously long, but I’ll deal with that hurdle when I get to it. As for now I just want to tally it up and make a mark of how much music I’ve already managed to experience in 2016, how far I’ve come.

Because I’m a little bit proud of the progress I’ve made, to be honest. Flash back to 2011, where I’d struggle to get my addled brain through maybe ten albums overall. And now I’m here.

And yes, I know we’re way over the 2016 halfway mark at this point but, yeah.
Initially I was going to hold out until I got my laptop back, but apparently that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
So ye. I got sick of it, and instead of sitting around waiting for my Photoshop to come back I got creative with my iPad and some low-rent Instagram apps.
So, here we go, the current mid-year longlist of my favourite albums of 2016:

* = Particularly excellent
** = Top 20 contender

The Field / The Follower | Daniel Wohl / Holographic | **Arca / Entrañas
Marissa Nadler / Strangers | HÆLOS / Full Circle | Olga Bell / Tempo
*Michael Kiwanuka / Love & Hate | *Broods / Conscious | Mourn / Ha, Ha, He.

*Björk / Vulnicura Live | Ash Koosha / I AKA I | **Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith / EARS
M83 / Junk | Mogwai / Atomic | Shearwater / Jet Plane and Oxbows
Moderat / III | *Little Scream / Cult Following | *Kaytranada / 99%

Daughter / Not to Disappear | **Laura Mvula / The Dreaming Room | Lone / Levitate
Wild Nothing / Life of Pause / Rihanna / ANTI | **Brian Eno / The Ship
Andrew Bird / Are You Serious | Pantha Du Prince / The Triad | *Cate Le Bon / Crab Day

Deakin / Sleep Cycles | The Range / Potential | Fennesz & O'Rourke / It’s Hard For Me To Say I’m Sorry
*Tweet / Charlene | ***Hiromi / Spark | *Hana / HANA
*Maxwell / blackSUMMERS'night | *Chinah / Once The Lights Are On | *Tegan & Sara / Love You To Death

*Tim Hecker / Love Streams | **dvsn / Sept. 5th | **Chance The Rapper / Coloring Book
*Chairlift / Moth | School of Seven Bells / SVIIB | Santigold / 99c
*Deftones / Gore | Flume / Skin | The Body | No One Deserves To Be Happy

White Lung / Paradise | KING / We Are King | Beth Orton / Kidsticks
*Anderson .Paak / Malibu / Snoh Aleagra / Don’t Explain | The Avalanches / Wildflower
Kanye West / The Life of Pablo | *Massive Attack / Ritual Spirit/The Spoils | Yeasayer / Amen & Goodbye

*Jessy Lanza / Oh No | **case/lang/veirs / case/lang/veirs | Tortoise / The Catastrophist
DJ Shadow / The Mountain Will Fall | Shura / Nothing’s Real | **Róisín Murphy | Take Her Up To Monto
**Beyoncé / Lemonade | *Future of the Left / The Peace and Truce of | Disclosure / Moog for Love

*Betsy / Fair | Lou Rhodes / theyesandeye | *Gold Panda / Good Luck and Do Your Best
**Mitski / Puberty 2 / Kendrick Lamar / untitled unmastered | **Kelsey Lu / Church
*Ólafur Arnalds / Island Songs | **James Blake / The Colour in Anything | Bat For Lashes / The Bride

**The Gloaming / 2 | *Esperanza Spalding / Emily’s D+Evolution | Blood Orange / Freetown Sound
Lindstrøm / Windings / Swans / The Glowing Man | *Susanna / Triangle

Yumi Zouma / Yoncalla | **Ian William Craig / Centres | Death Grips / Bottomless Pit
u-Ziq / Aberystwydth Marine | **Xenia Rubinos / Black Terry Cat | Niki & The Dove / Everybody’s Heart Is Broken Now
Matmos / Ultimate Care II | Kayo Dot / Plastic House On Base Of Sky | Explosions In The Sky / The Wilderness

Clare Maguire / Stranger Things Have Happened | Julianna Barwick / Will | *Underworld / Barbara Barbara, We Face A Shining Future
*Radiohead / A Moon Shaped Pool | *Andy Stott / Too Many Voices | **Anohni / Hopelessness
**Ital Tek / Hollowed | Kiiara / Low Kii Savage | LUH / Spiritual Songs For Lovers To Sing

Porches / Pool | PJ Harvey / The Hope Six Demolition Project | **Anna Meredith  / Varmints
Clark / The Last Panthers | Classixx / Faraway Reach | *Fear of Men / Fall Forever
Clams Casino / 32 Levels | *Nils Frahm & Ólafur Arnalds / Trance Frendz | **Kristin Kontrol / X-Communicate
*Ulver / ATGCLVLSSCAP | *David Bowie / Blackstar | **Autechre / elsec

Yet To Listen To
Animalia, Cat’s Eyes, Corinne Bailey Rae, Chloe x Halle, Darkstar, Dawn Richard, Drake, Gallant, Glass Mountains, Honne, K. Michele, Kvelertak, Leo Abrahams, Masayoshi Fujita, Me And My Drummer, Minor Victories, NAO, Olympia, Ray Lamontagne, Rufus Wainwright, SBTRKT, Woodkid, Zayn

Honorable Mentions
Animal Collective, Aphex Twin, Ariana Grande, Aurora, Betsy, Bibio, Birdy, Brooke Fraser, Chelsea Wolfe, DIIV, Eliot Sumner, Elliphant, Emika, Garbage, Gazelle Twin, Gundelach, Highasakite, Ida Maria, The Invisible, Katy B, Ladyhawke, Last Shadow Puppet, Lion Babe, Låpsley, Miike Snow, Mt. Wolf, Nisennenmondai, Nosaj Thing, Pet Shop Boys, Polica, Prince Rama, Ra Ra Riot, Savages, Tricky, Wild Belle

Looking Forward To
Agnes Obel, Alicia Keys, AlunaGeorge, Angel Olsen, Banks, Brooke Fraser, Crystal Castles, Dawn Richard, Danny L Harle, FKA twigs, Frank Ocean, Glass Animals, Gothic Tropic, How To Dress Well, Ingrid Michaelson, Jem, Jenny Hval, Jóhann Jóhannsson, King Creosote, KT Tunstall, Mabel, Massive Attack, M.I.A., Missy Elliott, Miynt, MØ, Norah Jones, Ólafur Arnalds, Phantogram, Pixx, Preoccupations, Rachael Yamagata, Rainbow Chan, Regina Spektor, Rostam, Russian Circles, serpentwithfeet, Sigur Rós, Sky Ferreira, Sleigh Bells, Tove Lo, Trentemøller, Woodkid, Zomby, Warpaint, Wild Beasts

There’s a Spotify/YouTube link to an album highlight on each one if you’re curious. And here’s a (regularly updated) playlist over pretty much everything + loads more if you want to browse. Or put on shuffle, if you’re feeling extra spicy.

Tubalcain: The following is a fan based parody, puta. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Vá lamber o cu da sua mãe. It means go suck your mother’s cu-

[Scene changes to show Integra talking on the phone with Alucard]

Alucard: Say it!

Integra: Fuck you.

Alucard: After you say it!

Integra: You’re really going to force me on this?

Alucard: I’m at half mast! I need to hear this!

Integra: FINE! YOU WERE RIGHT!!!!!!!

[Alucard makes a groan of extreme pleasure]

Integra: JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [slams down the phone]

[Scene change to Alucard in the safehouse]

Alucard: Ahhhhh! Houston, we have no problems.

[Anderson kicks in the door. Pip and Seras gasp.]

Alucard: Okay, dude, I just- I just finished, I'mma need like five minutes over here to recharge.

[Anderson punches Alucard in the face]

Alucard: Never mind, we’re back in business!

[Alucard draws his guns and Anderson draws his bayonets. Seras swings the Harkonnen at Anderson.]

Seras: I’ve got him!

[Anderson throws a bayonet and pins an official notice to the wall right next to Seras’ head, causing her to become jittery and slump to the ground]

Seras: OH!

Alucard: Oh great, and now she’s triggered. Could be all day with it.

[Seras mumbles incomprehensibly]

Anderson: The good Lord has handed down a blessing to you filthy heathens as a sign of good will. A small private Vatican jet. [picks his broken glasses up off the floor] Now, if you would be so very Christian-like to ship your sorry pale ass out?! And take your trigger happy harlot with ya! [Seras is still traumatized on the ground] And the woman!

Pip: Don quoi?

Alucard: Man, I don’t know what I find funnier, the Catholic Church strong-arming you into helping us, or the fact that you obviously haven’t seen what I did to the statue of Big J!

[Scene change to show the private jet flying past the statue of Christ the Redeemer, which now has a banner tied across it which reads “420YOLOSWAG4JESUS”]


[Intro plays]

[Scene change to show the city of London, then a meeting between the Hellsing Organization and Iscariot in the Queen’s palace]

[Enrico and Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan (Who is also Italian) are examining photographs]

Father: The banner won’t-a come-a down. I think it’s a constrictor knot.

[We hear Alucard’s muffled voice outside the door to the room]

Alucard: What- What do you mean you forgot the song? Okay, screw, screw it, no screw it, screw it! Just- Just take my phone and hit random. No, just hit random. Okay, three, two…

[Door bursts open, and Alucard makes a dynamic entrance with the chorus to the song “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks. Everyone in the meeting looks shocked or appalled]

Alucard: Yeah, okay, turn it off, turn it off. It didn’t work. It did not work.

Integra: Following your example.

Alucard: Ooh, catty. [sees the Queen] Oh, shit, is that Betty?

[Two guards try to block him from reaching her]

Guard: Excuse me sir, you’re going to have to- [gets tossed aside by Alucard]

Alucard: Get out of my way!

Queen: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Allie.

[Alucard kneels in front of her. She grasps his face in her hands]

Queen: Your skin is still as smooth as the day I felt it on my own.

Alucard: You know it. Reminds me of when I’d keep your bed warm during the blitz.

Queen: Those were better days. I was younger, beautiful…

Alucard: Oh shut up you old hag, I’d still wreck you like Diana.

Queen: Hahahahaha! Oh you know exactly what to say to moisten me up.

Penwood: (Offscreen) Rah, I can never have sex again!

Integra: Alucard, if you please.

[Alucard stands up and faces the meeting]

Alucard: You’re right. Enough focusing on the past. Instead, let’s focus on the past! [We see flashbacks to his and Walter’s battles with the Nazis] Back in World War II, Walter and I were part of a top-secret government operation called “Operation: Kraut Control”. Walter was fifteen, and I’m pretty sure if I’m remembering correctly, that I was a girl.

Reggie: Wait a second, but that implies that the Queen-

Alucard: INTERRUPT MY STORY AGAIN, REGGIE! SEE WHAT HAPPENS! [More flashbacks] But yeah, we were under orders to stick it sideways to a group of Nazi scientist whackjobs interested in creating a vampire army. And did we!

Integra: Seems you missed a spot.

Alucard: Are you- are you gonna do this right now? In front of everybody?

Integra: The point is, enough members have survived and are planning on finishing their mission. They’ve established a base in Brazil and are using the name-

Schrodinger: Millennium.

[Integra and Enrico gasp. Heinkel and Pip pull their guns out.]

Schrodinger: Warten Sie! How you say, “do not shoot ze messenger.”

Alucard: Ah, the return of the why boner. With a vengeance.

Integra: How did he get in here?

Walter: We had over a dozen guards.

Alucard: Those were ours? I mean- Oh my God, how did he get through the guards?!

[Schrodinger sets up a portable TV]

Schrodinger: My commanding officer, ze Major, would like to personally introduce himself, along with our vonderful organization.

[Schrodinger presses a button on the remote, but the TV doesn’t come on.]

Schrodinger: What?! Uh- Ah-

The Major: Schrodinger?

Schrodinger: It’s not working Major!

The Major: Did you click “TV” zen “Power”?

Schrodinger: Oh wait, I’m on Video 2.

The Major: Nein, Video 1.

Schrodinger: Got it!

[TV finally comes on showing the Major]

The Major: Hello!

Alucard: Hahahahahaha, Ahahahahahaha! He’s still so fucking fat! He’s like a Nazi Louis C.K.! Wait wait no no, Jim Gaffigan! Jim Gaffigan!

The Major: Ah, if it isn’t ze memorable Alucard. His provider, Sir Integra, ze bean counters, und of course, very interesting to see by the way, the Vatican. How does it feel to vork with your sworn enemies, Father Maxwell?

Enrico: Not as painful as your obnoxious voice.

The Major: Ah, come on, we used to be friends with ze Vatican! Remember how you aided us in our escape from Germany?

[People at the meeting gasp, and Enrico looks mortified.]

The Major: Oh oh, I guess vhey weren’t supposed to know that.

Integra: So, that’s how you knew about them.

Enrico: (Sigh) Yes.

The Major: I’m sure you’re chomping at the bit to find out vhat ve have in store for you, nein?

Integra: Nazi army.

The Major: …wow, just, kill all the fun! Put the fun in camps, vhy don’t you?!

Alucard: Yeah, you Fun-Nazi.


The Major: Remind me if it seems a little too American for you, but at some time, some place, something vill attack you. Maybe. Probably. (singsong) Could be happening right noooooooooowwwwwwwwww!

Alucard: Fingers crossed!

The Major: But rest assured this is no simple incursion…

[Focus shifts to Schrodinger and Seras as the Major keeps talking in the background. Schrodinger takes note of Seras.]

Schrodinger: Fraulein! Fraulein! Fraulein! HEY FRAULEIN!

Seras: Oi.

Schrodinger: Ve would make beautiful children. [Seras is shocked/creeped out]

[Alucard blows Schrodinger’s head off]

Alucard: Was that boy/girl bugging you?

The Major: Und like that, the war begins!

Alucard: Whoops! Did I just accidentally a war?!

Integra: Police Girl!

[Seras blows up the TV showing the Major]

Seras: (Thinking to herself) Huh. They would’ve looked rather nice actually.

Integra: Alright now, Alucard, clean that u- (sees that Schrodinger’s body and all the blood has completely vanished) uh- oh.

Alucard: Oh wow! Looks like he was self-cleaning. And/or magical.

Queen: Integra? Alucard?

Alucard: Yes, sugarlips?

Queen: When you find him, and when you kill him, I want you to record it, so I can fall asleep to it every night.


Enrico: (Offended) HEY!

Alucard: Oh shut up.

[Scene change to The Major, The Doctor, and The Captain walking down a hallway aboard the Zeppelin]

The Doctor: Well, Major, I think that went vell.

The Major: You think it went vell?! Herr Doctor, I was there, und much like our former boss- [we briefly see a clip of the old SS colonel being torn apart by the Major’s vampire soldiers] -I killed it.

[They arrive at the bridge, where Schrodinger is sitting in the Major’s command chair.]

Schrodinger: Let us hope ze Major does not end up ze same! We do not have the freezer space to store all ze incidental leftovers!

The Major: Ah, Doctor, usually it is a faux pas to give a pet as ze gift, but I love him!

The Doctor: Major, I am so sorry for his disrespectful disposition!

The Major: Ah, don’t vorry. I much enjoy some playful cattiness in my staff. Nonetheless, it is time for phase two of our operation. Our fraulein’s excursion to ze English Channel.

[Scene change to show a Nazi helicopter moving to land on the deck of an English aircraft carrier. We see the ship’s control room.]

Radar Operator: Sir, there’s an inbound helicopter trying to land.

Ship’s Captain: That seems odd. Commander Violet, do you know-

[Commander Violet is shown to be a vampire]

Ship’s Captain: OH GOD, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE PURPLE!!!!

[Crew gets killed.]

[The helicopter lands, and Rip Van Winkle steps out.]

Rip: This is my favorite kind of ship: Running with blood und semen.

Violet: What?!

Rip: It’s the Game!

Violet: What game?!

Rip: You lose! LOL, I’m so random!

Violet: Uh, so, the ship is now under your command, Miss Rip Van Winkle.

Rip: Ah, danke schoen, Captain! Tell me, how did it feel slaughtering your kinsmen, turning them into Ghouls, betraying your family und country, all for the selfish desire to become an immortal vampire?

Violet: Wow, uh, when you put it like that I feel like kind of a cunt.

Rip: Oh, but you know what might make you feel better, Captain?

Violet: Uh, what’s that?

[Rip levels her musket at the sailors, who gasp.]

Rip: Checking your privilege. [Opens fire]

[Scene change to the Hellsing mansion]

Alucard: Walter, if I may confide in you…

Walter: I temper my sense of decency in expectation.

Alucard: I am positively throbbing over these guys returning.

Walter: Well, if it lasts for more than four hours…

Alucard: Walter, do you know what my top three favorite things I’ve killed are? Third is the Turks. Second is Nazis. Can you guess the first?

Walter: Your father?

Alucard: (Claps) Nailed it!

[Scene change to Anderson talking with Enrico on the phone while confronting a group of Millennium soldiers.]

Anderson: I see! Now it’s open season for these heathen swine!

Enrico: Alexander, while I mirror your fervor to lay steel upon the soulless jowls of the English Church, we have a much bigger foe knocking at our door.

Anderson: They knock at the door of Hellsing, and as the wolf huffs and puffs, we shall skewer these pigs ourselves.

Enrico: I do not know the metaphor on which you draw, but regardless, we must set aside the quarrels of our houses and unite under the banner of God.

Anderson: Ah, I see! So this… is a CRUSADE!

Enrico: No, nonononono! We don’t say that anymore, we’re calling it… ah, damn, what do the American cows say?

Anderson: Peacekeeping?

Enrico: Right! Now, shall we… keep the peace?

Millennium Soldiers: FOR MILLENNIUM!

[They open fire on Anderson, who quickly dispatches them.]

Anderson: Only until it’s time to slide in the knife!

[Scene change to a meeting between Integra and Sir Penwood in the London war room]

Penwood: We lost communication with the vessel eighteen hours ago. Currently, it’s resting in the Atlantic 300 kilometers of the coast of Corning.

Integra: Have you acquired visual via satellite?

Aide: Yes, and they’ve left a rather cryptic message that we’ve yet to make any sense of.

[We see Integra looking at a photograph of the ship’s deck with the phrase “THE CAKE IS A LIE” scrawled on the deck in blood.]

Integra: I- I don’t get this. I don’t get it.

Penwood: None of us know what it means either.

Integra: Is it a reference or something?

Aide: Of course, there was one other shot we had—

[We see a photograph of a yellow umbrella in the middle of the phrase on the deck.]

Aide: —which looks to be someone sitting in the middle with a yellow parasol. Seems a tad random if you ask me.

[Quick cut to Rip on the deck holding a yellow parasol and her musket]

Rip: Rainbow, tacos, Doctor Who, Homestuck!

[Cut back to the war meeting.]

Integra: This person looks like they’re begging for attention.

Penwood: And they’re about to get it! The Special Air Service has deployed two platoons via helicopter. They’ll have visual any moment now.

[There is a long pause.]

Walter: Ma'am?

Integra: Wait for it…

[Another brief pause.]

Radar Operator: We’ve lost both helis! [The assembled officers gasp] And that was Portal, by the way. That’s Portal. That’s… what it’s from.

[Sir Penwood is visibly shaking by now]

Penwood: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Integra: Well, this has been fun. Always nice playing audience to this menagerie you call a military. Since it seems like you’ve got this one on lockdown, I’ll leave you to it.

[Integra gets up and turns to leave.]

Penwood: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Based on new information that has been presented to us, uh, we’ve decided we require the Hellsing Organization and their services.

Integra: You know, it’s amazing how much time and people we could save if you’d just ask us in the first place. [She turns to leave] Walter?

[Walter chuckles and follows her out.]

[Scene change to a hallway with Walter and Integra walking down it.]

Walter: We’re talking a hefty game, Sir Integra. Three hundred kilometers into the Atlantic and they seem to be able to annihilate anything we send at them.

Integra: Well, we can’t send a submarine, it could be a depth charge showcase down there.

Walter: Can’t go at it from the sides, can’t go at it from below.

Integra: So our only option is to hit that son of a bitch from above.

Walter: Well, we do have one option. However, it was decommissioned in 1998.

[Alucard enters the scene.]

Alucard: The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird. An advanced long-range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of Mach 3 and an altitude of 85,000 feet.

Integra: You sure do seem to know a lot about it.


[Scene change to show Rip Van Winkle dancing and singing the song “Never Gonna Give You Up” (aka the Rick Roll) by Rick Astley.]

Rip: A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of. You would’t get this from any other guy.

[Cut to the bridge.]

Nazi Officer 1: The hell is she singing now?

Nazi Officer 2: I have no idea, I think it was popular a couple years back.

Nazi Officer 3: At least she is no longer on about the ponies, and the friendship, and the wrapping up of winter.

[During this, Rip sings the lines I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling, Gotta make you understand in the background.]

[Cut back to Rip singing.]

Rip: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

[She suddenly collapses and trembles in fear.]


[The bridge officers are unaware of what is actually happening.]

Nazi Officer 2: Uh, mein fraulein Van Winkle, the- the song was nice, so you don’t need to-


[We see Alucard flying in with the SR-71 Blackbird as “Shoot to Thrill” by AC/DC starts to play.]

Nazi Officer 2: Focus your fire! We are going to tear that aircraft apart!

[Alucard grins in expectation. The Nazi gunners open fire, but cannot stop the Blackbird. Rip takes aim at it.]

Rip: Vhey say no man can kill you Alucard, that’s because you don’t use a man to do a woman’s job!

[Rip fires and destroys the Blackbird, but Alucard releases his Level One restraint and continues to dive towards the deck.]

Rip: WHAT?!

[Alucard and the Blackbird’s wreckage impact on the ship’s deck, setting it ablaze. We see one Nazi set on fire screaming and subsequently crushed by debris. We then see Alucard rising from the wreckage completely unharmed.]

[Rip is terrified at this point.]

Alucard: So… nice ship you got here.

[Rip pulls herself together and levels her musket at Alucard. A remix of “In the Hall of the Mountain King” from “The Social Network” soundtrack starts to play.]

Rip: I am Rip Van Winkle, und I command your respect!

Alucard: No, you demand my attention.

[Rip fires on Alucard.]

Alucard: Ow! Ooh!

Rip: I don’t have to take this from you! You racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic pig! [Rip then gasps as Alucard catches a bullet with his teeth and crushes it.]

Alucard: The funny thing is, in any other circumstance, you might have had a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the 40s, I hate everyone equally, and there’s no one alive who can comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Miss Van Winkle- (punches Rip in the face) -CH-CH-CH-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!

[Alucard grabs Rip’s musket and begins shoving it through her chest.]

Rip: Vait- Vhat are you-?!

Alucard: Oh? Haven’t you heard the new sensation sweeping the nation? Bitches love cannons.

[Rip screams as Alucard fully impales her on her musket, killing her.]

[Scene change to the Major addressing the troops on board the zeppelin.]

The Major: Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Winkle is a rezounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little… “Surprise”. However, before ve begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var. I. LOVE. VAR. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in ze morning, you get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down ze street in his Porsche. “Class Var.” You make it to vork, und you find out that ze annual drug test is today. Und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife’s awful parents. “Drug Var.” But vhen, you find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. “Race Var.” Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat’s right und what’s wrong. “Flame Var.” You finally get home, und you decide to relax by vatching a program about: “Who gets ze box?” “What’s in ze box?” “How much is vhat’s in ze box worth?” “Storage Vars.” (chuckles) What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one zhousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over ze years, ve are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I vant a simple var. No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, and certainly, no Cold Vars! Blueballed for forty years. Vhat I vant is a var zhat only ve can bring. A true var! A German var! The sequel you’ve all been vaiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!

[The Millennium Soldiers begin cheering.]

Millennium Soldiers: Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!

[We then see several characters including Anderson, Enrico, Seras, and Pip staring at the moon, which has turned blood red, an ominous sign of what is to come that night.]

[Then, we see Alucard on the ship. At the sight of the moon, he begins laughing maniacally.]

Alucard: I’d better not miss a damn thing.


—  Hellsing Ultimate Abridged 4
AI and Personhood within the Wolf 359 Universe

I love the use of AI as characters, and I love dissecting what’s considered human and what’s not.  I wrote an 18-page paper on it for a senior paper, and it’s going to be a huge part in my 40-page thesis thing for my master’s degree, so of course I would apply this to my favorite podcast.

So.  Is Hera a person?

I mean, this is a stupid question.  To us, of course she is.  She plays a huge role in the story, she has her own arc, her own flaws.  “Whoa Roni, you’re talking crazy,” you say.  “Of course she’s a person.”  And I feel you.  Hera’s as much a person as I am.  

But really.  In the universe in which Wolf 359 exists, is Hera considered a person?  

Keep reading

The Doctors Pt. 1

Originally posted by starworth

Request: Anon-Modern AU where the reader and Kylo are doctors. The reader walks by a hospital room with a patient holding a baby and the reader is slightly jealous? Then they try to make a baby (Doesn’t have to be smut). Baby shower, Kylo feeling the baby kick for the 1st time, etc.? Srry if it’s too much. P.S. I can’t wait for your other fics. I also miss you!

A/N: I miss you too! The next three weeks are going to be busy af. Captain America, Graduation, party, prom, etc. I’ll try to squeeze in some writing this week! Love all of you!

This fic is going to be in parts. Lol, I don’t think I’ll squeeze them all in one night. I also apologize if I get things wrong. I’m not too smart about the medical field.  

Warning: Smut towards the end.

Keep reading

Supergirl:  Winn and Kara reflection

Okay, I don’t usually do one of the “immediately after the episode” reactions, because I like to see how things play out over a few episodes. But since I have a feeling there are going to be some really negative reactions, I’m going to say my piece briefly and leave it at that.

Winn this week went through his own personal hell. He had to face his father, his personal demons regarding his father, nearly had to kill a man in front of a crowd of children. Kara was there for him, they had an intimate moment, and he just… acted. He wanted comfort, he needed comfort. Him bottling his feelings up until now lead to him expressing them at the worst possible time.

But he says he’s sorry - that he shouldn’t have acted the way he did. And he doesn’t blame Kara for not reciprocating. It may seem like that considering how upset he was, but he wasn’t upset with Kara. He was only upset that he couldn’t just let this go. His feelings are just too strong for him to pretend nothing happened. And that’s not his fault.

And it’s not Kara’s fault either. Winn knows that, but Kara is Kara. She feels personally responsible for the happiness of everyone around her! When someone near her is upset, she takes it upon herself to try to make things better. But she can’t this time, and that makes her feel like it’s her fault, even when it’s not. And she wishes she could feel differently, but she can’t and that kills her.

It’s an unfortunate situation. But it’s no one’s fault. As painful is it is for them, and for us to watch, I believe this is something Kara and Winn have to work through. And I have faith they will. I honestly think Winn handled himself maturely considering the nature of his feelings. He was honest, but not accusatory. But they both need time - time that, considering whatever the heck Maxwell Lord is doing, may be in short supply for a bit.

It’s not always romantic feelings that can alter a friendship. I’ve had situations where a friend or a family member revealed something to me, something uncomfortable, something which I, unwittingly, played a part in. And it hurt. It hurt that I’d caused someone I loved pain, even if it wasn’t really my fault. It sometimes felt like everything was ruined, and certainly I sometimes miss the way things were. But in the end I’m glad they spoke up. I’m glad the other person gave me a chance to help make things better, for us both to process our feelings and actions, try to figure out a better way to be.

So, here’s hoping the writers show this healing process in a real, but hopeful way, one that doesn’t put the blame on either party for feeling how they feel.  

EDIT: For the record, though, someone does need to tell Kara, straight out, this is not on her. Whether she believes the person or not, idk, but someone needs to say it. 

Probably Cat. It’s always Cat.

kickasswondergirl  asked:

Your post about All Butts is so incredibly racially insensitive. You've usually been pretty good about toeing the line between comedy and just plain ignorance, but that picture taps into a whole discourse of stereotypes.

Hi new friend! I clicked through to your tumblr and saw that you’ve previously liked and  reblogged a bunch of Cracked stuff and I appreciate your support so much. I’m sorry that these are the circumstances under which we are meeting.

To provide total context for everyone, here is the video where Oops! All Butts, first appeared. It’s an episode of a show I wrote called “Rom(dot)Com.” A lot of people were upset about that poster as well as the fact that, in that same episode, we have a white character in power calling a black character “boy.” We had a few comments both on Cracked and on YouTube about these racially insensitive moments. Below, please find my response, originally posted as a YouTube comment (gross!), which is not an official statement from Cracked and instead is just me representing myself as writer of this show.

“To begin with, we apologize to anyone we’ve offended. Also, I’m not going to say anything as a way of saying "You are wrong, I’m not racist (or insensitive, or stupid, or shitty, or fill-in-the-blank).” I know full-well that people can be unconsciously offensive and that we need to stay hyper aware to unlearn our problematic programming. All that said, here are some things to read!

“Boy:” The script was written before we cast Rush (the character was written without race in mind), so right at the writing stage I missed any potential flags because I wasn’t thinking about “how would this line sound when delivered to or by a black character,” I was just writing the vague idea of the character of “Rush.” Calling someone “Boy” is just consistent with Elise’s character; she called Drew “boy” in the second episode (intentionally done with almost the exact same language both times [“You, you there, you- boy”]). I just decided at some point that Elise does weird name stuff (she alternately calls Max Maxwell, Maxine and Maximillion and calls Josie Josephine and Joeseppe).
When Damian came on board to play Rush, he ad libbed in “Yeah, that’s not racist at all” and it got a huge laugh in the room and also a moment of horror from me, because I hadn’t considered the implications. We almost threw in his sarcastic ad lib, but ultimately decided to stick with the way it was written because symmetry/callbacks are important to me and, after a discussion, we all agreed that the comment was more about the kind of person Elise is than anything else. Again, “But Damian said it’s FINE,” is not a defense. I’m not arguing that I can’t be racist because I found one black person who agrees with me. I’m showing why and how things happened and acknowledging that I will STILL get things wrong from time to time.

“Oops All Butts Mascot:” I’m sorry it was offensive and I completely see what people are saying. This was a production with a deadline and a ton of moving parts and things like this will slip through. I will say that the process behind the poster was that the script I wrote called for a poster for a restaurant called Oops All Butts. The director and I decided it needed a mascot and that it should be a monkey because, as established in episode 2, Elise loves and knows a lot about monkeys and the restaurant was her idea, born out of her scheme. So, we said “The restaurant is like Hooters except butt-themed and it has a mascot that is a monkey,” and we handed that sentence to our designer who, not sure if it matters or not, is a black woman. The poster came back and I said “That is so dumb and so funny and I sure hope everyone likes our show.” And then I stopped thinking about the poster, because if you’re programmed not to notice things like that, then you won’t notice them.

None of this counts as an excuse; I am responsible for the work that I release and part of that responsibility needs to include the good sense to know when I need someone else’s eyes (the eyes of someone who isn’t a straight, white man) to keep me in check and let me know if something is problematic. I don’t know what the solution is, beyond trying harder in the future and keeping my eyes open.

Thanks to anyone who read aaaaalll of these words and thanks again for watching my show, even though I can be an ass sometimes.”