i love joan so much help

the imitation game (PSA)

this is alan turing. he saved over 14 million lives and stopped WWII 2 years before it would have stopped without him. he designed one of the earliest computers and had a brilliant mind.

alan was an insane human being and a gift to this world because without him, people like you and me might not be here, and we definitely wouldn’t be reading this because we have tumblr, or even computers. this man not only had an incredible mind, but he had a beautiful heart too. he had a friend named christopher, and another one several years later named joan. he didn’t have a lot of people in his life, but the ones that he did have, he loved and helped and supported.

the reason that I’m on an alan turing rant because this movie hurts me so much to watch. (but i honestly love this movie) alan turing was a victim of bullying, harassment, blackmail, and homophobia. he was bullied in school and throughout his whole life. a soviet spy blackmailed him into staying quiet by threatening to expose his sexuality. after the war, he was exposed as a homosexual and was sentenced to 2 years in prison, or hormone therapy. he chose the hormone therapy.

a short while later, the man who saved millions of lives and billions of future lives, took his own. alan turing committed suicide on june 7th, 1954. that is why i’m writing this. alan was alone. he was bullied, he was tired of fighting, but worst of all, he had no one. he had been treated like nothing his whole life even though he did beyond amazing things. people didn’t like him because he was different. this led him to suicide, so in other words, he killed himself because he was hated for being different.

this is alan when he was surrounded by people who knew him for his differences and accepted that those differences made him amazing.

this is alan when they were investigating him for indecency.

this is alan on the hormones. he is weak, broken, afraid, and in this picture looking at his last friend and the first person to accept him for being gay. he was dead a short time ofter she left him. she was his last smile and last flash of life behind his eyes.

so, please don’t bully people. no one deserves that. no one deserves to feel like they are wrong because they’re different.

don’t judge people without knowing their whole story. they will surprise you.

don’t be ashamed of yourself for any reason, be proud to be how you are, because you are beautiful however you are.

stand up for people, help people, and never make anyone feel alone. help people who sit by themselves or don’t get talked to.

stay alive, because its worth it. you are important and you can do a lot. you are not alone, because if you’re reading this, then you have me. message me if you need to, ill try to help you. if you can’t stay alive for yourself, stay alive for me.

and as cliche as this is, please just love yourself. i know it can be hard sometimes, but you deserve a second chance, and there is hope.

ok my slightly random love yourself PSA is over, and I’m sobbing, but yeah sorry i felt the need to do that.

Wentworth 5x01/2 recap


I still think Bea is alive/hiding away somewhere… I mean she escaped 2 times…

“I had to see her, I love her”

Bridget “ I risked everything for you why couldn’t you trust me ?! “ Bridget loves Franky so much omg , pls don’t break up!

As soon as Joan mentioned Bridget Franky lost her sh*t

Joan’s fighting skills XD

Joan is like

I like Franky and Allie as friends… nothing more tho.

Am I the only one that doesn’t ship Vera and Jake.. like.. I don’t see the chemistry.

So… Jake is a junkie and a drug smuggler?

Joan threatening Jake like

I like Vera and Bridget’s friendship :3

Joan’s puns and the “ HA “ xD Also, believe it or not she doesn’t seem like it was her agenda to get Franky back?

So… Will believes in justice but not the system? I hope he helps Franky and uncovers Jake’s involvement.

“She loved you so much” :(((((( BALLIE

Everyone wants to take down Fergurson… I hope Franky doesn’t fall back in that track… kind-of ruins her character development.


I still think Bea is alive and will kill Joan.

So… Joan now wants to destroy Vera? She knows Vera and Jake are together so she’ll continue manipulating Jake/Vera. She can only Hurt Franky if smth happens to Bridget? I hope we see Franky’s sister ? Can Shane just show up and clear the story for Franky. LOL plot twist, Bea killed the guy for Franky xD Jk was probably Jake?

From Arrested Development to Liberated Soul: Dionne Farris

Dionne Farris’s debut solo album, Wild Seed-Wild Flower, is bound to become a classic for those of us who know that the slogan “It’s a black thang, you wouldn’t understand” has more to do with variety and complexity than with some secret, unified code dictated by melanin. This one’s for the cool in all of us who understand the mix: living in the ‘hood and summering in the Hamptons, rocking both the bob and the baldy, and growing up on steady diets of Aretha, the Eagles, the Police, and the Chi-Lites.

For those of you who still insist on viewing black music (and by extension, the black community) in tired, myopic terms, well, Dionne’s got something fo’ yo’ asses. Wild Seed-Wild Flower is an unprecedented melange of funkabilly (think Thelma & Louise black-girl style), blues, gospel, rock, Sweet Honey in the Rock-inspired a cappellas, a li'l lite FM, and a whole lotta soul. 

If her voice sounds familiar, it’s probably because we’re still experiencing flashbacks from the sweet aural caress Dionne blew on Arrested Development’s 1992 chart-busting single “Tennessee.” Her powerful, haunting vocals helped bring the group from underground sensation to worldwide multiplatinumdom, 

Dionne, engaged at the time to AD drummer Rasa Don, broke ties with the group just as its success was looming. More than a few friends told her she was crazy and that she should apologize and beg her way back, but Dionne felt she had to listen to her heart. She decided that her dream of a solo career was more important than being an “extended family member” of her fiance’s group—or even than being married. 

She second-guessed herself more than once. “Back then I thought that breaking up with Don was the worst thing in the world,” Dionne says with a chuckle and a knowing smile. “But when I look at it now, I have to thank him. I was about to jump into that whole marriage/baby thing without really knowing who I was." 

Now, with Wild Seed-Wild Flower, Dionne’s confidence is unshakable, though she’s a little annoyed by black radio’s tendency to dismiss music (like Me'Shell’s and Joi’s, for example) that can’t be easily classified. "It’s scary that black radio is so narrow,” she says. “I’m black. My mama’s black. So for anyone to tell me that I don’t do black music is bullshit. I do music for black people and anyone else who wants to listen.”

With the help of David Harris, her co-writer and producer, Dionne just wants to sing her songs. “Music is really music.” she says. “Why do people have to label it? Are they so afraid that we’ll ail just go free and there’ll be too much love in the world?”

France and Joan

I was re-watching Beautiful World ep15 where France meets Lisa (Joan of Arcs reincarnation) and couldn’t help but think about how sad that must of been for France. Personally I think that France loved Joan, just look at him with Lisa.

Him having loved her is why he reacts the way he does: blushing (with a hint of worry) first for his surprise, flamboyant next to hide his pain, then serious when the memories begin to resurface. He probably disappeared because being around her was too much.

I think that part of the reason France is so carefree with sex and relationships is because the last person he got seriously attached to was killed and he couldn’t do anything. Anything sexual is close to a joke for him while actual love is something he takes very seriously, like in BWH ep5 when he’s looking at the people in Paris who love each other.

He’s so serious and looks both happy and sad, like he’s remembering something. And the speech that the soldier’s fiance was giving about how living long enough to watch your loved ones die was in this episode and then 10 episodes later we get France and Joan can’t be coincidence; especially because he’s the one who brings Joan of Arc up instead of the Narrator. It’s like he’s willing her to remember her past life.

Granted he brought up the Church first, but he didn’t have to bring up Joan. He was also talking about how he had wished that those “tossed” by history would be reborn and live a happy life before he disappeared but after he held Lisa/Joan’s hand.

He also says his wish had come true before he leaves, which to me means that he had wanted to be with her again in a happier time. But since his wish has already come true by the fact that she’s alive, he decides to leave her to a happiness without him.

France lost his love once and choose not to lose her again, by leaving. He didn’t want to go through the pain of watching her die by age, and didn’t want her to be pained by watching him stay the same. It was like what the fiance had said about France’s existence being sad when he had to watch people he cared about die when he couldn’t. France loved Joan so much that he closed his heart off and chose to live without her so that they both wouldn’t be hurt. How strong must he be to do that?

On a side note, England was the country that burned Joan. This might be part of the reason (not the whole of course) why France and England always fight because even though France has mostly forgiven England, France hasn’t completely. Not that England was the one to do it, but it was his people. And if I remember correctly France is usually the one to initiate their fights, like he always has a bone to pick with England.

Re-watching this episode has made me realize that France is a good guy who’s been through a horrible experience, and that he’s not a pervert. France is one of my favorite characters due to this episode because it showcases him being caring, eccentric, in love and also in pain. it shows that even though he is a country, he is more human than we give him credit for.

I can never get what’s in my mind onto paper, but that’s okay because sometimes I end up with something totally different, but an equally cool idea. This started off just as a sketch of @thatsthat24 , but somehow went through many phases until it ended up as transboy!Logic. Slightly annoyed with the messiness of it and the fact that after this much practice, I still can’t draw hands- but overall happy with the outcome.

Also I love Thomas Sanders so much. He inspires me in so many ways and helps me to never give up on anything, whether it be my art, theatre, school, or anything. He’s helped me through so much. He and Joan are the reason I accept my gender identity. I could say a lot more, but I think I’ll just leave it here for now. Thomas, thank you for being you!

Wentworth season 5 episode 6!!!!!

Ok well this was a very great episode.

Boomer welding and Sonia making her feel important besides helping her with the wheelchair. I personally have torn my ACL so i understand her pain.
Liz well hun i know you worried and all but now you can actually relax. Sadly the blame will be put on you.
Juice on all honestly i knew Joan was going to get back at you.
Joan well omg. You cutting of juices tongue. Using jake to get at Vera. Omg you do know when to act. I love that you know how to use the women to your advantage on how it is run. From season 4 we pretty much had a glance that you be trying to become top dog.
Vera my lovely. Sorry you didnt get real birthdays than just a normal kind of day. With Jake i know you feel special and all that but why him. He fucked the nurse like everyone figured with Joan knowing of course. Which we all know she a fucking twat. Its going to suck seeing you spiraling down the path Joan and Jake seem to be taking you.
That newbie is cute just saying. I wonder if we get to see a small story or involvement for a bit.
Allie if you think using drugs towards Joan if i think you trying to do. I know Joan is smart enough to see through that. If you will be using agian you will be a random character on the show.
Kaz my no violence friend. Im glad you sticking to your grounds, sadly its going to drag you down. I like Sonia advice to you on bashing Juice or not. Vera talk really felt unneeded.

Anyways i know ive got more to write about but after Joan and Juice scene with the dentist part got me all forgetful of the rest.

I just cant wait for the next episode.

Also i had a shitty day and this just made it much better.


So I managed to finish my Elementary video before Season 3 started!  Consider it a little reminder of the wonderful of an arc Joan got in the first season, and a gift of tribute to the gods in the hopes that she gets another.

I actually started out wanting to do a Sheriarty vid (mostly because I had the perfect song in mind), and then I started to realize how fucked up it is to focus on a character who’s honestly only been in two episodes, even as I often complain myself about how little attention and love Joan gets.  Heck, even the best fanvids out there are almost always equal parts Joan and someone else.

So this one is completely Joan-centric, with everybody else (Sherlock included) as supporting players; if there’s any pairing to be found here, it’s Joan/discovering her new career.  The video is mostly Season 1 clips because the story is based in the first season, but there are a few helping bits from Season 2 as well.  And while I’m not 100% happy with all of the editing, I’m hoping that’s just the perfectionist in me.

Much thanks and appreciation to beanarie, whose Elementary commentary continues to be spot-on, this perfect post by cleoselene, aseriesoffortunatemasterposts for the videos, Vienna Teng for her gorgeous music and the lyrics that spoke to me, and of course Lucy Liu, Robert Doherty, and all the writers at Elementary for Joan.

ways they could have made this episode less of an egregious and horrifying wallbanger

let mycroft show interest in joan’s welfare - the ending of paint it black should have included mycroft cutting joan free and saying “ARE YOU ALL RIGHT” before moving on to referencing all the things he needs to explain. mycroft could have been hanging out in the background while she was getting checked out by the medic, stuck in some shadow where we could see him but sherlock couldn’t. as rubberglue has been saying, it’s hard to buy that he gives a genuine crap.

let joan and mycroft have even ONE conversation that didn’t revolve around sherlock - he’s what brings them together, he’s what keeps them apart, it’s all so fucking poetic. WHAT IS THERE TO THEM BEYOND THEIR TORTURED JERK GENIUS? shit, i used to say i wanted to see what led to the quickie in step nine, but now i’m sure it would have looked a lot like this, talking about sherlock and how he’s a pain but they love him anyway, and suddenly mashing their damn faces together.

let someone take care of joan - gregson and bell apparently never even found out she was taken, ms. hudson was cut from the episode, and there wasn’t a single mention of joan’s family or friends. sherlock tried to commiserate, a little. how is that even close to enough?

let joan be transparently driven by what just happened to her - anyone would be confused, upset, and overwhelmed in her shoes. it’s understandable that she’d want affection, orgasms, confirmation that she’s still alive. but instead she stood there and listened to mycroft’s sob story BOOM–MAKEOUTS AND SEX and then everything is shiny. couldn’t she have been conflicted, vulnerable? as much as i love lucy’s smile, it was just another really jarring thing about that whole nightmarish sequence.

or at least, at the very LEAST

let joan say something about how she was feeling before that kiss - she’s lonely, she’s not sleeping well in a room that never felt fully hers, she’s built her life around someone who’s complicated, reckless, and has trouble articulating his emotions. and it helps, it really helps to know that someone understands that last part.

why couldn’t they have given us any of those things?

anonymous asked:

For the blind!Laura AU, what about Laura meeting Carmilla's family for the first time and Will and her mother are terrible. And then Laura doesn't really know how she feels about mattie and is kind of disheartened by the whole night but then like carmilla or maybe mattie reassures her that Carm is serious about her.

Been awhile since I wrote a prompt. Welcome back, blind!Laura AU.

The mood is different than when you introduced Carmilla to your dad. It was nervous, but also excited. Now you can just feel the fear radiating off Carmilla as she tapped the steering wheel.

“Carm, baby, you are a nervous wreck. What’s wrong?”

“How can you tell?”

“You know–”

“I tap my fingers when I’m nervous, yeah, yeah, I get it.” Carmilla snaps. You fold your hands in your lap.


You feel a hand running through your scalp. “…Babe, I’m sorry. It’s just–I mean, you know how much I hate my family.”

“You like your sister, though.”

“I know, and if this party wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be going.”

You take Carmilla’s hand from your hand, holding it in your lap. “If they’re your family, I’m sure I’ll find something to like.”

“Don’t speak too soon, Cupcake.” The car comes to a stop. “Okay, we’re here. I should probably tell you one more thing?”

“Sure. What?”

“I kind of…neglected to mention that I was dating you until yesterday.”

You smile. “Hey, as long as they aren’t surprised to see me, right?”

“About that…” She trails off. You tilt your head.

“Carm, they know I’m blind, right?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Carmilla you didn’t tell them?”

Well, might as well get it over with! Let’s go!” Carmilla gets out of the car and you follow her, grabbing your cane.

“Carmilla, answer my question!”

“Let me worry about it, Laura.”

“Oh my God, so help me I will break up with you right–”

“And you must be Laura!”

Hiiiii Miss Karnstein! Or Mattie. I’m sorry, but I can’t tell which. Because I’m blind. You know, I can’t see? Since I’m blind. Not sure if Carm told you that. But, nice to meet you.”

You hold out a hand until Carm presses lightly on your back.

“Cool it, Cupcake,” she whispers in your ear, “And that was my mom.”

“How’d she look?” You ask as you walk in.

“…Let me worry about that, Laura.”

Oh, wonderful.

Will, Mattie, my girlfriend Laura. Mother, I know you just met her.”

You really wish you could see their reactions to you right now.

“Dude, you’re seriously dating a blind girl–OW!”

“Leave it alone, William.”

Carmilla, that is no way to treat your little brother!”

“Or a guest, unappealing as you may find her. To be fair to Millie.” An unfamiliar says. Mattie, you guess.

“Look…guys, yes. She is blind. Can we please let it drop?”

“Let it drop? Carmilla, you neglect to tell me you are dating this woman for two years. And when you finally tell me, you decide to neglect to tell me this?”

You’re starting to feel like a puppy Carm is trying to convince her parents to keep.

“Mother, I will date whoever I want. I don’t need your preapproval. Ever think that this reaction was why I didn’t want to say anything?”

“You can’t blame us for being a bit shocked when she walked in with that.”

The cane, you guess. Okay. You’ve had enough of just standing there.

“I don’t need the cane,” you answer.


“No, I really don’t. See? I can get around as well as all of you. Really. Let’s just pretend I’m not blind, okay? Carm’s sister is celebrating her birthday today. Let’s focus on that.”

You take two steps.

“Laura, wait–”

And then fall flat on your face.

“…There’s a step there, babe.”

You get up. “I’m fine.” You reach a hand out and feel someone’s face.

Why are you such a mess today?

“Uh, you know this is my face, right?”

“Sorry, Will, right?” You retract your hand and blush. 

“Well, Millie, you really got yourself a keeper there,” Mattie says dryly. You hear the scrape of a chair as, you guess, she sits down. “Clearly such an independent woman.”

You grit your teeth. “Who do you think–”

Okay, let’s not let this ruin my oldest’s birthday.” Miss Karnstein said in a sing song voice, pulling another chair out. “You. Sit down. The chair is–”

“I heard it, thank you.”

You sit down and feel an arm snake around your waist.

“I’m sorry,” Carmilla whispers. She presses your cane into your hand underneath the table, “But don’t get yourself hurt over it, please?”

You squeeze her hand and smile. “Thanks,” you mouth. She’s right. It’s best to just enjoy the dinner. Your hands hover over the table in front of you, the tips of your fingers brushing over the plates and utensils so that you know where everything is.

“…So, Carmilla, how did you and Laura meet?”

“A blind date.” Carmilla answers.

You hear a snicker.

“Will, you little punk, shut up.”

You definitely don’t like Will.

“Carmilla, that is no way to talk to your brother.”

And you also don’t like Carmilla’s Mom.

“In all fairness, I am sure they’re getting rather tired of that particular bit of irony.”

You aren’t sure if you hate Mattie. She’s unpleasant, at the very least.

“Oh, come on, it’s funny,” Will answers.

You keep your head down. For Carm’s sake you’ll stay quiet. Plus, he’s just some snotty sixteen year old kid.

“Hey, sis, I have a question,” Will continues, “What convinced you to go on a date with a blind girl you don’t even know?”

“For your information, I didn’t even know she–” Carmilla stops.

“And you didn’t even dump her once you found out?”

Your palms slam on the table.

“I. Am. Standing. Right. Here.” You snap.


“I am blind, not deaf.”

“Hey, I’m just wondering. Not like she doesn’t have a ton of options. You may not notice, but Carmilla could date anyone she–” 

You swing your cane. It’s a lucky hit; you could only hear Will but you got him right on the head. You hear a clatter and you realize the cane broke.

Will!” Miss Karnstein exclaimed.

Relax, the cane is really flimsy. She didn’t hit him that hard!” Carmilla said.

Fuck, sugar-puss, your girlfriend is crazy!”

You’re sure any attempt at getting in her family’s good graces won’t work now.

“Carm, where’s your room?”


“Carmilla, don’t even…I need to get out of here. Please tell me where your room is.”

You hear Carmilla sigh. “Up the stairs, go straight.”

You stumble awkwardly through the house, keeping a hand on the wall. You feel so lost without the cane. You hate strangers’ houses. You hate this one especially. No wonder it took you so long to meet Carmilla’s family. As you grope your way up the stairs and then hit the door, you grasp the doorknob and turn. It opens and you once again feel around and find a bed. You fall into it and cry.

Your eyes don’t do tears, but you make all the customary noises and shuddering breathes. At least you can pretend you were never crying. That’s the last thing you need.

The doorknob turns again and you sit up. “C-Carmilla?”

“No, but it’s nice to see you.”


“Yes, it is. Now,” you feel Mattie’s weight shifting the mattress. She’s next to you. “That was some stunt you pulled.”

“Look, I know you hate me, and now you’re not even irrational for hating me ‘cause I attacked your brother, so please just leave me–”

Mattie starts laughing. “Darling, he may be my brother, but do you know how many times I’ve wanted to hit him over the head? Besides, the only thing you’ve hurt is his ego. Here,” Mattie presses a glass in your hand, “Water.”

You take a cautious sip. “…Where is Carm?”

“Having a very heated argument with Mother and William. Using lots of words like ‘ableism’ and ‘privilege’ and whatnot. It’s rather impressive. I’ve never seen Millie this passionate about anything in here life.”

“Except maybe Joan Jett,” you mutter, and Mattie laughs again.

“Yes, except maybe that. The point is, you may not be the brightest girl, but you’re certainly not fragile. In the future, however, you may want to bring an extra cane in case Will gets annoying again.”

You can’t help it; you laugh. “Thank you. I can see why Carmilla loves you so much.” 

“Well, she’s the only member of the family I find tolerable, so.”

You sit with Mattie in companionable silence as you listen to the sounds of Carmilla and her Mother screaming at each other downstairs.

Joan says
                                                                      I love you
too much
because she feels like she needs to
so that people won’t leave,
which is not the same as staying.

Joan says
                                                                        fuck you
like a caress on the cheek
when it’s midnight
and a car alarm is going off
in the distance.

Joan says
and it’s
a punch in the gut / poison
in the cup / that stale taste in your
mouth after you kiss her / death
AKA missing her AKA losing her.

Joan says
                                                                   HELP ME I am so scared
                                                                   / I do not know how to be
                                                                   a l o n e / or how to love
                                                                   someone   w  i  t  h  o  u  t
                                                                   givingallofmyselfaway /
                                                                   howdoI f i x that / FIX ME /
                                                                   how do I learn to stop feeling?

but never out loud.
She hurts quietly.
She feels the way a ghost would
if it were less alive.

Joan doesn’t know how to say sorry.
She apologizes like she’s talking about love.
She doesn’t want to do that anymore;
she doesn’t want to be that anymore.
Joan falls at the door of her soul, begs it to be let out.

—  MEET JOAN. / TASK X ( s.b.l. )