– So the Manfriend, tolerant little cinnamon roll that he is, agreed to come with me to this show. This doesn’t sound like a bit deal until you consider that the show is 300 miles away, on the other side of Pennsylvania. And he has to work the next day.
– 11:30 PM, the night before sees me struggling to construct a nun’s whimple out of the weirdest goddamn fabric ever. It looks amazing, like matte ‘pleather’ but it’s soft and thick and drapey and perfect. Because if you’re going to do something like wear a nun hat you’d better do it well, otherwise you will look like a giant toolbag. In any case, it’s too thick to stitch and no glue will stick it together. I make do with hot glue and prayer (hear our Satan praaaaay-yerrrrr).
– 12 PM, day of the show. We tearfully bid goodbye to our children (cats) and start off. I’m driving. I play Infestissumam/Con Clavi Con Dio as we leave the city. Manfriend’s face: 🙄
– 12pm-6pm, we drive and contemplate just how fucking empty the middle of PA is. Like, not even cows and soybean fields, but like actually NOTHING. Forests full of sad, naked trees and power lines and mountains and clouds, occasionally punctuated by tiny towns with names like Ohr and Graniteville. Yes, really.
We stop to pee in a little town which seems to consist only of houses and a Kohl’s. Being a Tattooed Weirdo with a Non-White Guy is a little worrying at moments like this. In the past, when asked by residents what in the fuck I’m doing in their town, my answer has been that I’m in a touring band. I don’t know why, but it diffuses weird situations. I suggest that we, in this case, claim to actually be IN Ghost if anybody asks. (Chatter from central PA: “One of the dudes from Ghost is a chick! My friend met them in Kohl’s.”) Manfriend: 🙄
– 6pm, I’m driving again and we have located Stroudsburg. It is WEENSIE. What is Ghost doing here? I comment that if The Guys are out walking around we will almost certainly see them, because the town seems to have one main drag and they would NOT blend in. He says they’re probably on the bus. He is not good at playing along with my dumb fantasy scenarios.
–6pm-7pm, We check into the Budget Inn where the front desk girl is very confused by what we’re doing in Stroudsburg. The hotel’s nearest cross-street is Forge Rd. I find this hilarious. Poor Manfriend is still confused. We get prettied up and start out for the venue.
–8pm, it’s taken us 45 minutes to find a goddamn parking space, because the town has been invaded by weirdos like ourselves. The line at the venue is so big it can probably be seen from space. We finally park quite a ways away. My nun hat is popular, especially with one dudebro who declares loudly, “We HAVE a nun”, in much the same way as NASA types say “We HAVE a problem” or “The Eagle HAS landed.”
–9pm, opener (The Shrine) is ok, but I’m sad they’re not Dead Soul. Not that they can help that. Sorry, The Shrine. Manfriend is usually a complete wizard at unobtrusively getting right up to the barrier, but no luck today. We’re at stage left, maybe 12 feet out. Still not so bad.
–9:15ish, when Ghost’s Eyes Wide Shut music starts the crowd does this crazy surge toward the stage that, by the time it reaches us, is totally not intentional anymore. I end up climbing the dude in front of me like a tree. In a skirt and a nun’s whimple. It’s ok, though, because he is large and teddybear-ish and soft and cozy. He comments, “It’s ok, I’ve got your back. Uh, or your front, I guess.” Thank you teddybear man. Metal audiences are seriously the best. Adorable.
The band comes out, sans Papa, launching into Spirit. Somehow Papa manages to emerge from the center of the stage rather than the wings. I can’t see well enough to decipher how he’s done this. So I’m going with magic Satan stuff. Also, I discover that the internet has ruined me because my first thought is, “A wild Papa appears!”.
We are on the Alpha side and dude is seriously impressive. Especially when you consider that he probably can’t see in that fucking mask. I don’t understand how guitarists can play without seeing their hands, because I’m primarily a violinist and we’re allowed to see our hands.
The audience is seriously SHOUTING every lyric, which is a nice display of enthusiasm but I can barely hear the band. This becomes funny when the Latin parts happen and everybody just starts mumble-screaming lines like, “Saaah con clavi, con dio, Saaah uhh mah mah EEEEH-uh scurooooo”.
Eventually the sound guy/girl compensates. Thanks to my time in the music business 900 years ago I was aware that they had their work cut out for them the minute I saw the place. Those historic old theatres are AMAZING but they were not designed for this sorta thing. Minimal sound baffling on the walls, concrete floor. Ouch. The band seems to be struggling with their in-ear monitors a little at first as well. They’re killing it, regardless.
Papa starts out in the Pope Suit and I love it. A minute later he brings out the incense censer. For a weird moment I’m transported back to fucking four hour long Good Friday masses watching bored Catholics pretend to care about the stations of the cross. I’m happy, because I’m a big girl now and nobody can strongarm me into church. I think this sensation is about 50% of why I love Ghost so much.
The band is delightfully hammy. They know how fabulous they look and how AMAZING their lighting director is, and maximize the photo ops. The four mobile members even do some fun synchronized stuff a lá Purple Rain. I love that shit.
Papa MAYBE looks at me a few times but it’s hard to say because I’m on his left, aka the raptor eyeball side. I’m going to say we made eye-contact and he thought I was a babe. Because.
Poor Air’s keys are always either lost in the wash of sound or alternately, cutting through me like a fucking knife. Again, this is understandable. I’m not picking on you, sound engineer! They’re probably tough to mix in general, what with the backing tracks and whatnot.
Papa comments that he isn’t grabbing (scratching?) his own ass, he is adjusting his pants.
He also gets rambly about American food, mostly potatoes. Because I’m a dork, I know that this is because he loves carbs and can’t have any. I love this strange man. Just eat the carbs, Papa, we’ll love you anyway.
He also blows multiple kisses to a kid in the balcony who has Papa face-paint on. This is also adorable. Curse you and your squishy maternal instincts, Papa. You’re making half the audience ovulate in unison.
He also gives kudos to the band. A LOT. I like that. When a stage tech takes his mic stand away he directs the audience to applaud him. Nobody ever applauded me when I took mic stands off the stage. Can I work for you, Ghost?
Sadly, I don’t see much of Omega, as he’s mostly stage-right. Water bops around quite a bit, though. That guy is my hero. He does the little floaty thing where he puts his arms out and sways around. I squee. I’m easily amused.
Papa gives a speech extolling the joys of the female orgasm. For like five minutes. Somewhere, Dr Ruth is crying tears of joy.
-11pm, the show lets out. I buy a stupid quantity of merch from the two very busy merch people. Everyone else is also buying merch, which is good to see. The band makes real, actual money from merch sales! Unlike album sales, for the most part.
All in all, a lovely night. I’m thrilled I got to see these guys, even if it meant traversing the state. I’m also glad I got to experience Papa III before the new album drops and he shuffles off to the Retired Papas’ Home.
Q Mag: Then you apparently called Carl a ‘racist’.
Peter: Oh shit! OK, I was lairy…and Carl didn’t deserve me bringing up…why did I get kicked out of the band again? It never gets discussed, y'see? Aw I shouldn’t have said it! I love him so much. It’s all coming back to me now. I offered him out as well! 'Toe to toe on the cobbles’ was my expression. I took my jacket off! Jesus Christ.
Q Mag: What’s worse is how gracious Barat was.
Peter: I’ve never seen him like that before, never; he was elegant and charming and didn’t get battered.
Q Mag: Barat bundled him into the toilet and announced some 'massive’ secret news.
Peter: He’s been nest-egging. All our advances. Cos he knows I always just spunk mine. He’s got this gaff now, on the seafront, I won’t say where, and we’re gonna open a Libertines Hotel. With a studio, nightclub, a bar. He’s dead set on it. Open to…anyone who’ll pay the bills!
swung open and people shuffled down the aisle looking for seats while you gazed
out the window counting in your head how many stops were left before
seat taken?” You removed an earbud and turned to face a tall boy with sandy blonde
hair poking out from underneath his black beanie and a guitar case hanging off
his broad shoulder.
all yours.” You responded cheerfully moving your backpack and he pulled the
guitar case off pulling his red flannel slightly to reveal his collarbone. He
pulled it back up and sat down positioning the case between his legs. He smiled
and your eyes focused on the black lip ring that poked out when he did so.
you listening to?” You stared at him for a moment, not used to people trying to
make small talk with you on the bus.
might not know them.” You clicked the button on your phone lighting up the
screen and before you could say anything the boy’s face lit up as well.
“I love All
Time Low!” He shouted.
part of the reason I got into playing the guitar.” A big grin appeared on his
face and he gripped the guitar case that was straddled between his legs. “I’ve
met them you know.” You looked at him with disbelief plastered all over your
“Oh okay.” You
swear!” He reached in his pocket pulling out his phone and slide it open. He
searched through his camera roll and turned his phone screen towards you when
he found what he was searching for. Your jaw dropped in amazement as you looked
at a picture of the boy standing with Alex Gaskarth.
stand corrected, that’s awesome.” He looked quite proud of himself as he put
his phone back in his pocket.
are you headed?” He asked.
“What are you
studying?” He shifted in his seat to face you and you furrowed your brow wondering
why a complete stranger was so interested in your life.
sure. I think I want to be a nurse or a teacher, I’d love to work with
children. What about you, do you go to the university as well?”
“Oh no, I
finished high school but nothing past that, I wanted to focus on my music.”
“Are you in a band?”
“Yeah for a
few years now.”
“I’d love to
check it out, I mean you must be good since you have such good taste in bands.”
He laughed a little and you admired the deep dimple that formed on his right
“I have some
burned CDs, I can bring you some?”
awesome, I don’t know how often you ride the bus but I’m here this time every-“
Thursday I know.” His face turned a little red and he looked down at his feet.
“I pass you on my way to the back every Tuesday and Thursday and I’ve always
been too afraid to say hi.” Your eyes widened and you felt your cheeks turn a
deep shade of red to match his flannel. The bus stopped and you looked out the
window to see that it was your stop.
“I have to
go, but since you know where to find me I’ll be waiting for those CDs.” You smiled
and got up squeezing past him and his guitar. “I’m (Y/N) by the way.”
you Thursday Luke.” You waved getting off the bus and Luke sat smiling and
quietly whispered to himself,
stopped and you looked at the door waiting for Luke. A few people got on and
the driver started to shut the doors. You frowned, thinking he probably had
something better to do than bring CDs to a girl on the bus.
the doors!” You looked out the window again and saw Luke running for the slowly
closing doors. You started to laugh as you watched him struggle to keep his
guitar case from falling off his shoulder. The bus driver groaned, mumbling
something to Luke as he got on and scanned the seats for you, a wide smile
growing on his face when he spotted you.
you had forgotten about me.” You said and Luke chuckled a bit and sat down next
“Trust me, I
couldn’t forget about you if I tried.” He reached into the pocket of his guitar
case and pulled out two CDs. Luke handed them to you and you ran your finger
over the black permanent marker that read For
I’ll listening to these when I get home.”
hope you like them and if you don’t I’m sorry, we suck.” You laughed and
slipped them into your bag.
you guys don’t suck. So how many people are in your band?”
drummer, bassist, another guitarist, and me. We all sing too but I guess I’m
kind of the lead singer.”
play the guitar and you sing, that’s awesome.”
cute, I’m like a triple threat.” You laughed agreeing and Luke looked very
pleased. The two of you talked for a while until the bus finally reached your
“So I guess
I’ll see you on Tuesday?”
don’t have class today, it was cancelled this morning.”
are you on the bus?”
“I told you
I’d be here, I had to get my CDs.”
all you cared about? The CDs?” Luke tried to look sad but he was awful at
hiding his childlike grin.
I’m only talking to you for free music.”
you talk to me for coffee instead? There’s a really good café a few stops
have somewhere to be?”
“No, it can
wait. So what do you say? My treat.”
sounds great.” You zipped up your bag making sure the CDs were tucked safely
asked, what’s the name of your band?”
Luke looked down at his feet and mumbled his answer.
my-really? That’s why you look familiar, I figured I’d just seen you around
before, you’re Luke Hemmings!” You smiled at your realization but Luke didn’t
seem to share your excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It was nice
having someone not know who I am. I miss it. I miss being able to walk down the
streets without getting mobbed and not having to wonder if the people I meet
like me for me or my fame. With you I was just another kid on the bus and you
would have never given me a second look if I hadn’t taken a chance. With you I
wasn’t Luke Hemmings, I was just Luke.” You weren’t mad at Luke for keeping
that from you, in fact it only made you like him more instead of using his fame
to get you to like him he was himself.
“I’m sorry I
didn’t tell you. I was going to, I just wanted to wait. I get it if you don’t
want to have coffee anymore.” The bus came to a stop and he stood up, slinging
his guitar over his broad shoulder. You stood up grabbing his hand and he
turned around looking surprised.
love to have coffee with just Luke.” He smiled and squeezed your hand tighter
as the two of you walked off the bus.
*niall and Harry doing an interview since they are the only “single men” in the band*
I: Okay moving on to the usual questions.. How about your love life Harry?
H: I’m very happy and I um.. I’m actually dating someone really special..
I: Oooh who’s the lucky gir-
I: Oh wow! Who is it?!
H: He.. It’s..
*room goes quiet*
H: *brings up his left hand that has been in Niall’s all along* this special someone is right next to me..
H: *nods then takes his hand away and resting it on the table before continuing to stare adoringly at niall*
N: *smiles softly back at harry*
I: oh well this is adorable!!!
H: I just love him.. I love you Ni angel…
N: I love you too Harry..
Anonymous asked you:can you do a preference based on the song Demons- Imagine dragons <3
yo enjoy, ashton’s fucked me up so yeah
Michael:“When you feel my heat Look into my eyes It’s where my demons hide”
With your boyfriend Michael lately, all it’s been is fight upon head-splitting fight. It started with you yelling at him for getting home so late every night then Michael would yell at your for yelling at him all the time. It never ends. The only time there was bliss between you and him is the few hours after a fight, like the calm that follows a storm. You would both be out of breath, voices strained from shouting and running out of things to be mad about. All that would be left is the raw emotion, coating the room like wallpaper. It’s one night after a particular rough fight, sadly just about doing the dishes, that leaves you and Michael glaring at each other. “I hate when you make me feel like the villain, like I never make time for you anymore,” he says. “I hate when you call me names for getting mad about the little things, even though it’s because you’re missing them.” Michael watches your chest rise and fall quickly with your heavy angry breaths. “I hate that I still love you after all this shit.” You don’t even get a chance to speak, because Michael’s closed the distance between you in a rush of passion, clutching your jaw tight as his lips work yours. Minutes later, he’s plunging deep in you, the heat in the room only rising as you and him let out harmonious moans. Michael’s mouth is angrily on yours, and you pull away to gasp, “I’m there. I’m there.” “Look at me. Look right into my eyes. Don’t look away,” he orders and as you climax, all that you know is how good it feels to be looked at like that, like you’re the only thing he sees. And just for a second, all that fighting is worth it.
Calum:“Will come calling out At the mess you made”
“I can’t believe you did this!!” You flinch as your husband takes a swing at the lamp and sends it crashing to the floor, the sound continuing to ring in your head. “We have a kid together! And that still wasn’t enough for you!!” You’ve never heard Calum’s voice this loud. “I’m sorry! You’d been away with the band and you haven’t touched me in weeks!” You both stand in the living room, only the couch acting as a barrier between the back-and-forth onslaught. “You were asleep every fucking time I came home! And that does not give you the right to go and fuck someone else! Especially my trainer!!” You can’t take this. This is not what you want. You slump into the nearest armchair and hide your tear-stained face in your hands. “Don’t sit there and cry and feel sorry for yourself!” Calum continues to yell. You can tell he’s gotten closer without looking up by how his voice sounds and the creak of the hardwood floor beneath the carpet, barely noticeable over his booming voice. “Fine!” You explode, rising from the chair in one swift movement. “Go ahead and have yourself a pity party, rather than talking to me rationally and working this out! All you do is yell and yell and yell at me and nothing ever gets fixed! This is madness!” You two almost mirror each other, with your arms flailing and hair falling in your eyes. “No, you know what’s madness?!?” You can’t wait to hear what comes from his mouth next–how much of a whore you are, how crazy you are for wanting to be loved by your husband, how it’s madness that you get upset when he’s away all the time, but you could never guess what he’d say next. “What’s madness is the day I put this on my finger!” He pulls his wedding band off his finger, and makes a big show of chucking it across the room, where you hear the gold metal clink on the kitchen floor. “Well that’s it then,” you say at a normal volume. And never did you know that two simple words could bring your whole world crashing down on you like a tidal wave, at least not until he says, “About time.”
Luke:“Don’t wanna let you down But I am hell bound”
You’ve got a few hours of peace while your boyfriend is away at band practice. Being the shit human being you are, you spend it swallowing a handful of Percocets leftover in your bathroom cabinet. The round white pills are scattered on the counter. You hate yourself every time they go down your throat, but drugs have always provided that shoulder you’ve needed during your darkest days. Not to mention, you’d know how much this would hurt Luke if he knew. So you never took them when he was home, never let the side effects seep into that part of your life. Luke is the last person you ever want to disappoint. When you finally feel the haze of the drugs setting in, you crawl back into bed. What seems like days later to you, you hear the distant sound of the front door slamming and a “hey (y/n)!” You begin to panic knowing that the effects of the Oxycodone is just now fully taking hold, but it’s nearly impossible when all you can comprehend is the blissful wave of depression masked as euphoria pulling you away from shore, and the sheets become the welcoming arms of the ocean. “(y/n)? (y/n)!” luke’s voice barely reaches you though he stands at the bedside table. You prop yourself up, and watch as he shakes the bottle of Percocet at you. “Have you taken theses?” You don’t have to reply for him to know your answer. It’s like watching from the sidelines as he shouts at you. “What are you doing?! So stupid!” You watch as the pills fly loose from the bottle, falling to the bed and floor like miniature exposives, blowing bits of my life across the walls like shrapnel laced with blood. Luke finally stops shouting and just slides into bed next to you, wrapping his arms around you. “I wish I knew why.” You’ve sobered up enough to whisper, “Me too.”
Ashton:“At the curtain’s call It’s the last of all”
“We can never thank you guys enough for all the support you’ve given us over the years. You were our family at the start, and you’ll be our family even though the instruments will get a bit dusty. We’ve got one last song to play you before you say goodbye. This is Wherever You Are.” You sit backstage with your four restless kids, the sounds of the song echoing back to you and the familiar thump of the bass in your heart for the last time for a while. They get through the song, the four teenage Aussie punk rock wannabees who have become life-long friends, especially one that you professed your friendship to at an alter in a white dress and veil. The song finally ends, and you can feel the sadness and nostalgia that radiates from the crowd–after all, you used to be in that crowd. You’re snapped out of your teenage reveries when Ashton, Calum, Luke and Michael jog backstage, dripping sweat more profusely now that they’re a bit older. Ashton immediately comes over to you, and picks up your smallest child before greeting you with a smooch. “Great job as always,” you smile and pat him bum for good measures. He returns your smile then wipes then sweat away from his eyes, along with his damp curls. “You have no idea how glad I’ve got you waiting for me when I come off that stage.” The smile is still on his lips, but you can read the sincerity in his honey eyes. “I’ll be here for you now more than ever.” He leans in again to share another kiss, though it’s slower and more passionate, because it contains the feelings from years of being by his side through dozens of interviews, scandals, and shows. “You haven’t seen the last of these sticks,” Ashton grins when he breaks away from you, waving his drum sticks. “I’ve still got four little rockers to teach.” And as you leave the stadium with your family, you just think of how glad you are that you picked the right band.
WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS FUCKING FANDOM THINKING? Do really so many fans have their head stuck in their ass? Then they should better pull them out and start using their (probably absolutely useless) brains!
This whole Rescue Me/Rette Mich shit is so ridiculous! For the first time it could be considered funny, but every joke stops being funny if repeated. I don’t care if you like Rescue Me or know the lyrics (I don’t care what you think at all to be completely honest), but for Ludo’s sake find the decency and respect in you to fucking make peace with their choice of setlist! It’s so bloody annoying!
I feel seriously sorry for Bill and thus the whole band. They can work their ass off to bring the best show they can and you are ruining it like this? Not just for them, but for the other respectful fans as well. How they are suppose to feel if you don’t respect their decisions? You don’t have to love it, just respect it - that’s all it takes. Handful of respect.
“But Bill is smiling…” Of course he is! What is he supposed to do? Throw a tantrum? He’s a bloody professional, he has to handle himself. But I honestly would love him to just drop the mic and march of the stage. He, all of them for this matter, is too nice to say or do anything, they all are. You should cherrish it but in the mean while you are literally shitting on their heads and at the same time call yourself a “fan”. Haha good joke!
“But I paid 80€!” Yes, we all did, but it doesn’t mean a bloody thing! It doesn’t give you the right to demand things, it doesn’t give the right to be a fucking prick! And for this matter, even if you bought the VIP package that also doesn’t give you the right to demand hugs or kiss them without their permission. Like what the hell is wrong with this fandom? You pay to see the show (and eventually meet them), you don’t pay to force your will upon them in any extend.
Bill asked if you could sing in German, you said “no” and he sassed you off - this is one thing, it’s still disrespectful, but be it. BUT BLOODY BOOING AT THE SINGER OF YOUR FAVORITE BAND FOR THAT? Are you bloody insane?!
I don’t understand why it is such a problem in a first place. They played mostly English setlist during some Humanoid shows and it didn’t cross anyone’s mind “oh let’s act like a complete idiot and sing in completely different language!” Just why? And argument that “german band should sing in German in Germany” is absolutely invalid, let me stop you before you even start with that. They can even yoodle if they want to, they can whatever the fuck their want with their show! And why? BECAUSE IT’S THEIR SHOW!
So get your shit together - sign in the chosen language or shut the fuck up for one song - or don’t even go there in the first place…
Ashton had kicked all the other boys out of their shared apartment so that he could prepare for your first date. He made all the boys clean up their things throughout the entire place. When he went to the store he made sure to pick up a few extra things to set the mood just right. About 2 hours later he had finished almost everything and was just waiting on the dinner to be ready when the doorbell rang. He opened the door to find you wearing a black and white striped dress, a leather jacket, and red heels. You walked in to see candles of all different sizes all over the place and you could hear She is Love by Parachute playing softly in the background. You smiled softly to yourself because he had told you this song reminded him of you. He asked if you wanted anything to drink and you settled on the wine he insisted was the best wine you would ever taste. The two of you had just been talking and laughing for the last 20 minutes or so when you started to smell a faint burning smell. Ashton didn’t seem to notice but it was quickly becoming stronger. “Um.. Ashton?” you spoke up sheepishly. “What is it, love?” he said with a questioning look. “Is something burning?” “SHIT! I FORGET TO SET A TIMER!!” he screamed as he ran into the kitchen for the first time since you got there. You followed after, quickly, you had known Ash for a few months now and you had never heard him say so many curse words- not that it bothered you- but usually he was yelling at the other boys not to curse. The whole ordeal was quite comical to you. He pulled a pan out that you think was supposed to be lasagna but it was hidden by the fact that it was nearly all black. “Shit, I’m so sorry, darling. I wanted tonight to be perfect and now I’ve just ruined it.” He said shaking his head at himself. You grabbed his shoulders and turned him to face you, “Ash, this night was going to be perfect regardless of what we did. I just wanted to spend it with you, I don’t care what we do.” “So… Pizza?” “Music to my ears.” You nodded at the curly haired boy who was ordering you pizza for a wonderful night in.
Calum had been texting you all morning about how excited he was to take you out tonight for your first official date. You showered and walked into your closet to pick something to wear when you realized, you weren’t really sure what he had planned for the two of you. You grabbed your phone and called him. “Hello, gorgeous.” You smiled at the nickname he had chosen to call you today. “Calum, I have a serious problem with today.” “What is it, babe, is everything okay??” You giggled as you replied, “Cal, everything is fine, I just don’t know how to dress. Like, are we going to be inside or outside? If we’re going to be outside is it cold outside?? You gotta give me something!” He sighed in relief, “We will be outside, and it’ll be a little chilly so dress warm.” “Okay, see you in an hour.” “Can’t wait,” he said and you could hear the smile in his voice. It took you a few outfits to figure out what you were going to wear but you decided on a long sleeve flowing grey shirt with a plaid scarf and skinny jeans. You were a lot shorter than Cal so you decided on a small-heeled ankle boot to go along with your outfit. Just as you were finishing your makeup there was a knock at your door. You take one last look in the mirror and walked to open the door. Calum was in his signature black skinnies and a long sleeve black sweater. “You look beautiful,” he said smiling from ear to ear as he pulled you in for a hug. He took your hand in his and led you out to his car. The car ride was quick but made you realize that tonight was going to be more fun than you had had in a while. Cal pulled the car into a grassy lot with a huge carnival set up in the lot next to it. He parked and the two of you started walking towards the entrance, hands intertwined. “I love carnivals!” you beamed with excitement. “I know that’s why I brought you here.” He said smiling back at you. The afternoon was filled with lots of laughter, sketchy carnival rides, him winning a giant teddy bear for you (after many, many tries at the silly ring toss), a lot of fried food, and cotton candy. The only thing you hadn’t done yet was the Ferris wheel. It was just about sunset and you couldn’t think of a better time to go on it. You were in the cart and Cal thought it would be funny to rock it a little bit, which made you cling tightly to his chest. “Calum, don’t do that!!” “Ah, yes but you see my plan worked.” He took your face in his hands and kissed you. “This might be the best first date I’ve ever been on.” He said smiling down at you.
You and Luke had been friends for a while before he admitted his feelings for you. You were going on your first date together tonight and you were a little nervous, which was weird because you knew him so well. He told you to dress warm so you were wearing black skinny jeans and a red and black flannel you had found in the back of your closet. He wasn’t coming to pick you up until 9:00 at night, which you thought was kind of weird but you were up for an adventure. The day dragged on forever but finally you heard a faint knock at your door. You open the door and he pulls you in and spins you around. He has the most child-like grin on his face like he’s giddy with excitement. “Someone’s excited?” You question. “Someone’s wearing my shirt.” He replied with a cheeky grin. “Ah, yes, I was wondering where this came from.” “It’s alright, keep it. It looks better on you, anyway.” His hands were still wrapped around your waist, but you didn’t mind. “Ready to go?” “Will you tell me where we’re going?” “No, you’ll just have to wait and see.” He said dragging you out to the car. The car ride was filled with Luke ‘dancing’ and you both singing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs. After an hour or so of driving he pulled into a random field. “Have you brought me here to kill me?” You asked skeptically. “No!! Just trust me.” You walked for about 10 minutes until you came across a lake where you saw pillows and blankets and a picnic basket set up. You sat down and he pulled out chocolate covered strawberries from the picnic basket along with champagne. “I remember you loved champagne because of the line in The Fault in Our Stars about tasting the stars. So I thought, what better than to look at the stars all night while tasting the stars.” You smiled in awe that he had remembered such a small detail about you. The two of you lay there for hours talking and eating and drinking in pure bliss.
Michael and you had first met at a party in LA. He became smitten with you immediately and your relationship was passionate but purely physical. Whenever he was in town you hooked up and spent all your free time together, completely shut off from the rest of the world. This on-and-off relationship has been going on for about a year and a half. You haven’t seen him in a month because he has been on tour and you don’t expect to see him for three more months but Michael surprises you by taking a week off and coming to LA to spend time with you. The week starts off the same as usual, spending all your time together cooped up in your little apartment, but Michael catches you off guard by getting the two of you Arctic Monkey tickets. “I know I’ve never wanted to take you out in public before, but I think I might be falling in love with you and I’m ready for a serious relationship.” He explained. You were absolutely giddy over the fact that he wanted to take you out on a real date. You stressed over what to wear before finally settling on black leather leggings, a white peplum top, and red heels the same shade as Michael’s hair. He picked you up early and took you backstage so you could meet the band. When the concert started the two of you went out to the front in the middle of the mosh pit and jumped along with the rest of the crowd. Your favorite song Do I Wanna Know came on and Michael stops jumping to pull you into him. The look in his eyes is so intense it makes you catch your breath. He wraps his arms all the way around you and brings you close enough to hear each other. “You remember how I said I think I was falling in love with you earlier?” He half yells in your ear. “Yeah?” “Yeah well scratch that. I love you.” Everyone else at the concert slowly starts to fade away. You and Michael are the only ones who matter, standing there in the middle of the room. He smiles at you and you kiss him softly.
“EW ASHTON DON’T” I screamed in protest as he brought the wiggley worm up to his mouth.
“Watch me!” he laughs teasingly.
“MUUUUUUM!” I yell, looking him straight in the eyes. She comes outside with a worried look. “Ashton is gonna eat a wooooorm!”
“Oh Ashton, don’t do that.” she kneels down and takes the insect out of his hands and tosses it into the bushes. “Guys, no eating bugs or anything you’re not supposed to, okay?”
We both nod in unison and giggle when she walks away.
“Tag!” he shouts and runs off.
“You’re my boyfriend now.” I say mater-of-factly.
“Oh. Okay.” he shrugs and we we hug. We were walking to school and told everyone we knew that we were boyfriend-girlfriend. And as far as our 4th grade class new, we were the most popular people ever.
“Oh my God!!” I screamed at him. “I hate you. Get out of my house!!”
“Baby, listen!” he begs again.
“No. Ashton. I’m breaking up with you.”
“Y/N don’t do this."
"Ashton, I can’t and don’t want to see you anymore. Please leave.”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” He sighs with tears in his eyes.
“I know. We have had a great life together and-”
“You’re not dying.” he chuckles and wipes his eyes.
“But we did. I’m really going to miss you.”
“Ashton, I’m going to miss you too! But this won’t keep our friendship down, right?”
“I don’t know, Y/N, but we will definitely keep in touch and see each other during the summer. You will be back right?”
“Or course!” I gasped. Tears were starting to fill my eyes. “Ashton, I am really going to miss you, but if I wait any longer I will miss my flight.”
“I know.. Okay.” he breathes out, relaxing his emotions. “Can I at least get a kiss good bye?”
I smiled at him and shook my head no, “that would be torture.”
“You’re right.” he shuffled his feet and we hugged. A long, meaningful hug. I was really going to miss him. We had a weird friendship but that doesn’t defeat the fact that we were and are best friends.
I get into the car and wave to him while my mom drove me away. I was going to LA to study fashion merchandise and live there. Hopefully get a job and be a success. It’s what everyone wants isn’t it?
*NOW: AGE 20*
My apartment wasn’t the biggest thing around, but it was nice. It was expensive and worth it all. I spent all my money on my job and being a success. I was an intern then my boss saw my potential and hired me full time.
I made some spaghetti and turned on the news. Another band was getting big and they were Australian. I lifted my head and peak around the corner to see if I could recognize them or something.
My phone started ringing, bring my attention away from the television.
“Hey Matt.” I said. My phone resting between my ear and shoulder. It’s my cousin who moved to LA a couple months ago. We were super close growing up. He was Ashton’s best friend.
“Hey Y/N, what are you doing in a couple weeks?”
“Working.” I smiled. I loved what I was doing. “Why what’s up?”
“Well I know how much you like music. Wanna go to a couple concerts with me?”
“Course. Who is it?”
“They’re a new and rising band called 5 Seconds of Summer. I know you’ve heard of them.”
“Maybe. I think they’re on my TV right now. They sound pretty good.”
The thing is, after I had moved to America and started a new life, everything changed. My number changed. I dressed differently. I didn’t really have any social media so I never stayed up to date with what was going on back home. My mom would call me but never said anything about Ashton who I had almost totally gotten over. Almost. I guess nobody ever forgets their first love.
“Have you seen a picture of them?”
“No? Aren’t they like 17”
“No.” he chuckles. “The youngest is 18. I know you know one of them, just look.” I sighed and looked up from the hamburger I was cooking and seen it. I seen his face. His long curly hair. Those dimples. His smile.
Ashton has always had a love for music and expressed his ability to keep a beat and drum, but he never said anything about a band or even knowing anyone who was in a band. Maybe I was just oblivious to some things.
“Oh my God.” I gasp. “Why didn’t you tell me!?”
“I just did!” he laughs at me. “They’re going to be here in Los Angeles in a few days, we should all meet up.”
“Matt.” I sigh. “I don’t know. I doubt he even remembers me.”
“He’s be an idiot for not knowing who is best friend is..”
“We broke up when I moved here. We haven’t talk to each other years. I don’t want to make things weird.”
“Y/N just come to my place in a couple days okay. I’ll text you with the details.”
“Fine Matthew. I will. I have to go though. My hamburger is burning.”
He laughed and said a goodbye. I didn’t exactly want to see Ashton. I mean part of me did, but the part that didn’t was my heart. I feel like that’s the most important part of this.
My noodles were done and my sauce just needed to be heated up and mixed with my hamburger. I was a decent chef.
But a lonely chef.
Matt had told me where to meet him because he didn’t want to have to clean up. We were at one of the cafe’s that were near the hotel those boys were staying at.
“Listen, you need to relax, Y/N.”
“Matthew!” I snapped at him. “I cannot relax. I am stressed out over work and having to finish an outfit and now this pressure of looking good for Ashton. I can’t relax.”
“You need to just breathe. I promise everything will be okay.”
“I hate you for convincing me that this was a good idea. I changed my outfit like 5 times and you know me. I am always so confident in what I wear.” I felt my hands getting clammy. I don’t know why I was so nervous, but I was. I had seen and even kissed Ashton before. We have known each other for years. Literally my whole childhood was watching him go from an awkward blond boy into a handsome man. Yes, puberty did some things to me. I finally got boobs when I turned 16 and my acne cleared up. I lost my kid fat and slimmed out. I was attractive, or so I thought I was. And I’m guessing Ashton thought I was at least because we dated for most of our friendship on and off.
“I can’t do this.” I said and stood up, grabbing my jacket.
“Y/N, please just relax. If you guys don’t rekindle anything I won’t make you see each other again.”
“Rekindle? You want us back together? He lives in Australia and I live her in LA. Bad idea.”
“This summer they’re renting out a house for a few months, 6 or 7 I think. They’re going to record stuff for an album. Please just humor me and go with me?”
“Where?” I asked. I sat back down and relaxed a little. He just grinned at me.
*** I stood behind the car in a random parking garage that was somewhere I didn’t recognize. Maybe for a secret meeting or something.
“I’m not going to do a drug deal, you can relax.” He chuckled and lit a cigarette.
“You know those kill.” I said quietly. I crossed my ankles and leaned against the car. My arms were tucked deep into the pockets of my jeans.
“I know.” He sighs and flicks the ashes off the end. “I only have 2 a day. I’m quitting, but slowly.”
“Good for you, bud.” I grin at him. Then a pair of headlights came around the corner and parked.
“Remember to relax. He’s your best friend.”
“Was.” I sighed and kept my composure. The doors all slammed shut and someone burped. I chuckled and looked down at my shoes, almost second guessing my casual look. I had dark blue and white converse on and a pair of loose boyfriend jeans rolled up with a white fitted v-neck t-shirt with a leather jacket. It was cute but maybe too casual.
My heart started to beat really hard when I heard someone say my name. I swallowed really hard and looked up. Ashton was walking towards me quickly and like he was on a mission. I stood up straight and opened my mouth to say something but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do. He was kissing me. I didn’t see it coming. I was ambushed. But it ended and he hugged me.
“You never called.” his voice was hurt. It had gotten so deep since I left him in his voice cracking days.
“My number changed…” I whispered and wiped away a tear I didn’t even realize was there until I touched it.
“Mine never did.” he ran his hand through his hair. “I-”
“Ash.” One of his friends came up to him and rested his arm on his shoulder. He was tall. Taller than Ashton and had a lip ring. God, they were all really tall and I had just realized how much tall they were compared to me.
“Y/N, this is Calum, Luke and Michael. Guys this is my best friend, Y/N.”
“Ya know he’s talked about you a lot especially when he found out that you were both going to be in LA.” Calum, the tanned skin, Asian looking one spoke up. I smiled at the words he said.
“It’s nice to meet you boys. And congrats on all of your success. I hope you go very far in life.”
“Walk with me.” Ashton stated. No question, and I had no time to protest. He was taking me by the hand around the corner and up the stairs.
We walked up all the stairs to the very top of the roof. A few cars were up here, but not many. It was nice and airy.
“What are we-”
“You never called. You never wrote. I kept in touch with your mom and she told me that you would call. Y/N you never did. I was so broken after you left.” his back was to me. He was looking over the railing.
“I got a new life Ashton. I couldn’t just drop everything to make a long distance phone call.”
He sarcastically laughed and looked at me, but keeping everything still. “A new life. Oh. So everything in your past wasn’t good enough to be in your new life?”
“You don’t get it. I didn’t want to call you and miss you even more. I didn’t want to get so homesick that I needed to leave my life I have worked so hard at and go crawling back to you. We broke up when I left.”
“But our friendship didn’t.”
“No. Y/N you broke my heart when you left and then you not calling me just shattered it completely. You were my first real love and really the only girlfriend I had ever had. Until I met my band mates, you and Matt were my only friends. You were my world.” he turned to face me. His whole body facing me. “My world turned grey the day you left in your mums car.”
“I don’t know what to say, Ashton. I needed to not call you because I knew that once I heard your voice I would be taken back to all the wonderful times and-” I stopped because I was crying again. “I didn’t want to feel hope that I would wake up the next morning and see you at school or at the bus stop or at the ice cream shop. I missed you so much. You can’t feel like this move wasn’t painful on just you. I left my whole life. My parents, my siblings, my horses, the only boy I had ever loved.”
We stood there and looked at each other for what seemed like forever. He started to smile, making me weak all over again. I cracked a small smile then bit my bottom lip to keep from grinning like a fool.
“You have really grown up and you’re really beautiful.” He sighs, taking my right hand in his left.
“Please I can’t do this..”
“Why? You can’t accept a compliment?”
“No. Thank you. I just… I can’t hear those words and fall for you again. I can’t go through such great times and then have it torn away because you leave for a year long tour or something.”
“It won’t be like that. We will have matured and I know for a fact that if I don’t kiss you again I will end up having a terrible night of hating myself, wishing I had!”
I swallowed hard and then smiled at him, “then do it. Kiss me. I have missed you so much.” he smiled down at me and took his right hand, wrapped it around my neck and leaned down. His lips met mine in, at first, a small chaste kiss then just having that I needed more. I stepped on my tippy-toes and wrapped my hands around his neck. It was getting deeper and it was something I had needed for so long.
As soon as it started, it ended. We were getting whistled at. I didn’t think anyone could be any more immature than Ashton. I guess he’s met his match…. and I wasn’t talking me.
“Guys!” Ashton grunted and rested his forehead on mine. I giggled and gave him a short kiss.
“Thanks dicks.” I joked at them.
“Ow” Michael laughed. “Anyways, we didn’t come up here to give Ash blue balls. We came to tell him that we have a signing later.”
“Shit. Oh yeah.” Ashton cursed. He grabbed my hand and we walked down to the where the cars were parked.
“Okay, so call me whenever you’re free okay?” Ashton asked.
I looked down at his number in my phone. “I will. I promise.” We kissed again and he ran off to his buddies to go do famous people stuff.
“So.” Matt huffed from the drivers seat.
“Shut up.” I blushed and locked my phone. “I mean… thank you.