i love how grumpy he is this entire episode

hilary’s smartass guide to the episode: 5x01

oKAY CHILLENS PREPARE THYSELF FOR A LOT OF FEELINGS

the highlights:

  • why would you start off with bby emma going to the movies by herself when she’s what, 6. why would you do that. and merlin u shady, shady man, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
  • EMMA IN GENERAL AND HER STRUGGLE AGAINST THE DARKNESS KILLED ME. also rumple, fuck you directly up satan’s asshole, but that is not exactly news. jmo is definitely going to slay this dark swan storyline and MY PRINCESS. HELP.
  • LANCELOT. sir kay gets evaporated and he’s like to arthur “your turn”
  • REGINA. she was everything to me this episode. EVERYTHING. from not being bad enough to wield the wand anymore, to listening to snow when she ordered everyone to set aside their squabbles for emma, for being determined to guide them to emma, to of course “MORON!!!” when killian b. jones presented her with one of killian b. jones’ award-winning ideas, she was everything. her reluctance to take on the dagger when she once would have done anything to destroy emma, but knowing she owes emma and she’s been ordered to do everything she can. mommy regina with henry and roland in the diner, regina not losing her snark but being softer and more empathetic and anyway i could probably write a novel about my regina feels but my queeeeeeeeeeen
  • “TWISTER!!!!” really grumpy. really. do you think so. i cannot imagine how anyone else could have possibly noticed that.
  • CAPTAIN SWAN OBVIOUSLY, but we’ll get to that in a second.
  • i loved captain cobra shenanigans but killian, my fran, your captain poopoohead rating was off the charts this episode and really, did you really think it was a great idea to get henry involved in this…?i mean, you could have been stupid entirely on your own without this. at least you didn’t actually bring henry into zelena’s cell. to quote regina mills again, MORON. (though obviously he got there in the nick of time, so good thing, i suppose).
  • however i understand that this was to establish them as a dynamic duo and emma’s boys doing the most to save her so yes good
  • we definitely saw killian’s dark and rough side coming out to play this episode – he was prepared to take zelena’s heart (of course, in the same episode emma nearly did the same thing to merida). boyfriend is not doing well without her and really will stop at nothing. so yes, we are definitely going to see him struggle with the temptation.
  • HENRY AND ROLAND
  • MERIDA WAS PRETTY AWESOME (though her accent had its …moments…, i mean not peter dinklage in GOT bad but still)

the lowlights

  • why are we still stuck with zelena’s crazy ass. why. i mean she’s more psychotic than ever and can she just go over the rainbow and into the oz psychiatric facility to get her sorely needed professional help and we don’t have anything to do with her ever again.
  • i muted the belle/rumple/blue fairy scene because i literally could not give a single damn, but i take it the rose is a sort of death clock so belle can rush to dear old rump’s side if he bites it (rolls eyes out of head) anyway, please keep that to a minimum thanks
  • really. another “they lost their memories” twist (which i admittedly knew about due to being weak and reading the THR article when it appeared?) YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE WORLD OF MAGIC AND YOU CAN’T TELL YOUR STORY WITHOUT EVERYONE HAVING AMNESIA AGAIN FOR HALF A SEASON? FOR THE LOVE OF STONE SNEEZY GET A NEW PLOT DEVICE. SHEESH.
  • however, the last time they were brought back to storybrooke with no memories, guess what fixed it
  • LALALALLALAA
  • merida’s accent was pretty… uneven but then i’d probably notice this more than most people, it wasn’t terrible

captain swan (!!!!!)

  • when rumple was like “what are you waiting for???” trying to get emma to kill merida, i was like, “for hook to show up.” which was literally what happened. can we talk about how they had that entire scene of killian talking emma down, showing that his influence on her is stronger than the darkness. she shoved merida’s heart back and basically fell into his arms, also:
  • nota bene: when emma was in killian’s arms, she looked at the place where rumple had been standing and he was not there. now, obviously keeping the “everyone saves emma” bit in mind, that was a very deliberate camera shot. when killian loves emma and vice versa, the darkness does not exist.
  • ALSO KILLIAN’S INSISTENCE THAT TAKING OR REJECTING THE DARKNESS HAD TO BE EMMA’S CHOICE (AKA WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG AS TO HOW SHE WILL END UP SAVING HERSELF PROBABLY VIA HIM)
  • THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMM.
  • and then they’re holding hands and smiling at each other and walking arm in arm and everything seems to be okay
  • waaaaaah
  • also next week was when we had the pictures of dark swan holding tight to her man by the bug. so i want to know if she’s angry with him as well (probably for some reason, because there has to be drama) or mainly the others. i’m guessing they didn’t listen to her thinking arthur was shady (he clearly wants the dark one’s dagger, which is part of excalibur, aka what he needs to have the entire sword) and that pushed her over the edge somehow. but she still loves killian obviously so my thinking is that she’s trying to get him (and henry) to desert the rest of the family and come with her, and he won’t let her do that. as i’ve said, i expect to see a moment when he has to forcibly separate himself from her to get her attention. not now, but by midseason. i also think her judgment is probably off, as we will see, because obviously nobody hurt her on purpose.
  • i also expect a lot of camelot romantic moments for them next week as 5.02 has been teased to be super romantic and there’s the ball.
  • awesome premiere, i want the whole season right now