i love everyone in this funeral home

Innocence And Sin ❉ Chapter 2

Member(s): G-Dragon x Reader
Type: Mafia!AU (Violence/Fluff/Angst/Eventual Smut)
Words: 1,666
Plot: What if you’re entire life turned out to be a pre-planned lie?

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

》 FAQ // Masterlist

Black. It felt like that was the only thing you could see. Not just in the form of the outfits that decorated your friends and family, but everything. It felt like a there was a dark tint that covered your eyes, making everything darker. It felt like a dream, you wished it was a dream.

There was a fine line in between make-believe and reality. A line which you wished never existed, because if it was a dream, your mother would still be alive. The line between life and death. The line between you and your mother.

You hadn’t been able to sleep for days. Long days that matched long nights, often calling Jiyong to come comfort you. It was surreal. Knowing that the one person you could count on more than anything, was gone. Finding her in a pool of her own blood. That wasn’t how you’d ever imagined your last time seeing her. Hell, if you’d known that morning that it was the last time you would ever see her, you would have hugged her. You would have told how much you loved her, how much she meant to you, but you never got that chance.

Keep reading

So quickly it happened… My dad has battled cancer since his diagnosis around Christmas last year and yesterday, cancer won. It was just in the past two weeks where he started a rapid decline. He went into the Hospital on Easter Sunday, they found out the cancer had spread to his lungs. He came home on hospice last Saturday and passed away yesterday afternoon. Thank you everyone who has made comments or been thinking and praying for my dad, me, and my family. I will always love my daddy, but now comes the hard part of planning for the funeral. It’s going to be a long, tough weekend.

Where colours meet

Summary: basically an au where only when you meet your soul mate you can see colour and when they die the world goes grey again.

Pairings: Zoethian and Rythna

Warnings: Character death

A/N : I have no clue what this is and it’s not the best thing I have ever written but what the hell lets post it anyway!

Where colours meet.

Colour. Many new nothing about it. A lucky few got to experience it. Those who saw colour were those who were in love. For the rest of us, the world was filled filled with a spectrum of grays. Not just metaphorically speaking. All I see is gray. When you meet your soul mate, you are able to see colour, and when they die the world returns to grey. Its as simple as that. You can have only one soul mate, so most people choose to make the most of the time they share in colour.

But I was different.

My name is Rythain. A perfectly ordinary teen living in a flat and working in a bookstore. I had a decent amount of friends and I went to a pretty good school. I had never really had an interest in girls and never really understood what the big deal was with colour. I honestly couldn’t have been more normal. Until I met her.

I was on lunch break and decided to go Barry’s, the little cafe across the road. I sat at my normal table and pulled out my notebook, as I normally do. Everything seemed fine. Then a girl came up to me and asked for my order. I asked for a coffee without even looking up. I could tell she was new. She stuttered slightly as she spoke and appeared to take a little longer to write my order than the older waitresses did.
Anyway, it was only when she came back did I look up at her. As she placed my cup clumsily down on the table I turned to thank her. But as I first caught sight of her I was completely lost for words. She was actually quite pretty. She had long hair that was quite a dark shade of grey. She wore the normal cafe uniform but she had a small mushroom pin on her apron. She was quite short, but not extraordinarily so. But what stood out most were her eyes. They were unusually bright and a beautiful shade of blue.

Wait, blue?

That’s where it all began. Her name was Zoey. She had fiery red hair and a slightly worrying obsession with mushrooms. After our meeting at the cafe we say and talked for almost 7 hours straight. (I completely forgot to go back to work.) Turned out she had just moved to the area with her parents and was trying to make money to buy her own place. By the end of the evening I knew her pretty much inside out. I was also mesmerized by the many vibrant shades colour. It would take a bit of getting used to, but I liked it.

Over the next few months we spent pretty much every waking moment with each other. Zoey was great fun to be around, and when I asked her if she wanted to come and live with me she was ecstatic. She was by far the best thing that had ever happened to me. Back then things were still pretty normal, minus the whole Zoey situation, which almost seemed too good to be true. Turned out it was.

I will never forget that phone call. Rain was pelting the pavements outside the apartment building and thunder was echoing in the distance. Zoey had gone to see her parents and should have been back home by now. I was pacing back and forth by the door when I heard the phone ring. I practically pounced on it, hoping it would be Zoey telling me she was safe and was going to stay at her parents for the night.

It wasn’t zoey.
She wasn’t safe.
She wasn’t at her parents house.

The next few minutes were a blur. I don’t really recall them very well. I vaguely remember them rushing her from the ambulance to accident and emergency. She was in a bad way. The first thing I really remember was sitting beside a hospital bed that contained a very pale and bandaged Zoey. I had my hand clasped tightly around hers, as if I was willing life into her. She had been unconscious for at least 2 hours by then and my world had been slipping in and out of colour since I had arrived at the hospital.

She had an argument with her mother. She had been upset and angry. She had stormed out and began to drive home. She hasn’t considered the wether. Her vision had been hindered by her tears. She hadn’t seen the taxi.


I glanced down to see zoey’s bright eyes looking up at me. She was awake. She was talking to me. She was ok. I felt my grip on her hand relax as I let out a sigh of relief.

“Rythian, did I crash the car?”

Her voice was delicate and it sounded so strained. I nodded, I didn’t trust my self to reply without bursting into tears.

“Rythain, why are you grey?”

I froze, then hurriedly glanced down at Zoey. I hadn’t noticed the grey creeping up on me but sure enough, as I glanced down at my hands I saw they were lacking colour. The colour was beginning to slowly fade from Zoey’s body now. Her breathing became strained and her eyes flickered open and closed. I was about to call for help when she clasped my hand tighter.

“I-it’s t-t-too late”

All that was left now were her eyes. They were still her eyes, the eyes I fell in love with. A tear fell from her eye onto her cheek as her eye colour began to flicker.

“I l-l-love y-you”

Her eyes faded to black.
She was gone.
I was alone.
The world was grey.

Her funeral was a few weeks later. I had always thought of funerals as being depressing. This was my first time attending one, and I was definitely right. Her parents were distraught. Everyone was crying, but me. I just felt numb. I couldn’t bring myself to cry. The best few months of my life were ruined and my time with colour was over.

It was late by the time I arrived back home. It was raining and I had decided to walk. Bad idea. I was soaked through by the time the building came into view. I stopped suddenly before I reached the door and realized I really didn’t want to go in. My apartment was filled with memories of Zoey, things I would rather now forget. That was when it all came crashing down. Only then did I break.

I sunk down the wall next to the door and buried my head in my hands as tears and rain streamed down my face. She was gone. Zoey was gone. I finally understood. I knew why people loved colour so much. It made thing seem so much happier, brighter. It was beautiful. Much better than the abyss of grey I had been flung back into.

I was sat there for what seemed like an eternity until I felt the rain stop. I looked up to see someone standing over me with an umbrella. He was a boy about my age with relatively long hair. He wore a plain t-shirt and jeans.

But what stood out were his eyes. They were bright, almost like Zoey’s. They were probably the most vibrant shade of gray possible. They were more like blue.

“I’m Lalna”

Wait, blue?

Their Reaction to your Death - Teen Wolf Preference

Their Reaction to your Death – TW Preference

Prompt: How the Teen Wolf characters react to your death.

A/N: GIFS AREN’T MINE, FOUND THEM ON GOOGLE. THEY’RE GREAT! Hope you guys like this one x

Scott McCall:

Your best friend cried when he found out that you were dead. He went to the hospital as soon as he could and when he saw your lifeless body he broke down. His tears wouldn’t stop running down his cheeks. His mom tried to calm him down, but all he wanted was to talk to you one more time and hold you in his arms. He regretted not coming to save you earlier, and blames himself for your death.

“I’m so sorry.”

Stiles Stilinski:

Stiles was lost without you here to help him with his decisions and problems. You were always his first priority and this one night he lost you forever. He cried, having countless, reckless nights while he bawled his eyes out until he fell asleep. He wished you were here to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but he knew it wasn’t.

“Please come back, Y/N.”

Isaac Lahey:

When Isaac heard you had passed away, he was upset and angry with himself at first. He punched walls until there were holes and took his anger out of other people. But after his rage all he wanted to do was cry and cry, hoping you could possibly come back somehow. He decided to move away from Beacon Hills as he couldn’t bare the reminder of you back in his home town anymore.

“I miss you so much.”

Derek Hale:

Derek wanted to seek revenge when he found out what someone had done to you. He was angry with everyone, more than usual. But more importantly, he was angry at himself for not being there to protect you at the time of the fight. No one saw him shed one tear at your funeral, but deep inside he was breaking apart – slowly.

“I lost the love of my life.”

Liam Dunbar:

Liam locked himself in his room and refused to talk to anyone when he heard about your death. He couldn’t help the tears that fought to run down his cheek, and found himself drowning in a pool of his own tears. He had pictures of you and him hung up on his bedroom walls and that reminded him of you every second he stayed in his room.

“Y/N, please don’t leave me.”

Jackson Whittemore:

Jackson was taking the news hard, he needed someone to be there with him during his toughest times and with the fact that you weren’t that someone anymore – he sobbed and cried for hours praying that he could undo time and spend every minute wasted with you. You were one of his only friends that would always listen to him whenever he needed to talk to someone.

“Where are you now when i need you the most?”

Theo Raeken:

No one understood Theo like you did. Everyone thought very lowly of him but you were always by his side to tell him that nothing was wrong with him. He had sleepless nights of him crying to sleep. When he found out you had died, he promised to himself that he would avenge you and kill the person who attacked you.

“Mark my words, i’ll do it for you.”

Mason Hewitt:

Mason felt weak knowing that your presence wasn’t going to be around anymore. He felt weak because he felt like he could have done something to prevent your death. With him being human and all, he blamed himself. You were his best friend and without you, he felt as if he had just lost his other half.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, Y/N.”

Allison Argent:

The news of your death shattered your best friend – your sister. She screamed and cried when the doctors had told her that you passed away. Her dad tried to calm her down and comfort her but you knew all she needed was a friend right now, and that friend wasn’t you anymore.

“Y/N, not now. Please.”

Malia Hale:

Malia flipped the tables and threw anything in sight across the room when Stiles had told her the news. She didn’t believe him, she couldn’t. She was still holding onto the hope that you were still alive, but she knew herself that, that was all she wanted to believe.

“Come back Y/N, you’re not gone yet.”

Lydia Martin:

Lydia sensed your near death and when it happened, she screamed for dear life and grasped a hold of anything closest to her to support her body weight. She couldn’t feel her legs anymore and everything felt numb. It felt as if her heart was literally ripped out of her heart and she couldn’t stop the pools of salty tears streaming down her face.

 “I don’t believe it. I can’t.”

Request: Mrs. Lowman

Request: Imagine being Happy’s old lady and being as crazy as he is. For example, finding places to bury bodies or help torturing someone with Happy. Nothing like the other old ladies.

Hello everyone,

I had so much fun writing this, I can totally see the Mr. and Mrs. Lowman being this crazy 😀

Enjoy! Love you!

Tig Trager Warns You, This Imagine Contains: violence, language, torture

Originally posted by oreilysamcro

Charming…That was a cute name for a town, though it wasn’t charming at all. That wasn’t a problem, you weren’t a princess either. Alone in the world since when you finished high school, you had traveled around the country for a while before ended there. The funeral home was hiring a secretary and you got the job.

You loved to tell people where you worked and see the shock in their faces. That wasn’t a job for a lady, they thought. However, that didn’t bother you. You could ride your own bike, carry a gun and shoot from a good distance, you had a couple of tattoos and wasn’t willing to take shit from nobody. Luckily, your boss, Skeeter, respected you and treated you as equal.

You were living in Charming for almost two months now, but you already had heard about the Sons of Anarchy MC and their business. Everybody told you to stay away from them, but every time a Harley passed on the street you found yourself staring. You also had discovered about their friendship with Skeeter and didn’t took long for you to meet them.


It was late at night at the morgue when two Sons, Jax and Happy, showed up. They introduced themselves and asked for Skeeter, who was picking up a body in an accident at the highway.

“I can help you”, you said. The blond one, Jax, smirked as the bald one, Happy, looked you up and down.

“No offense darling”, Jax said. “But we will talk with Skeeter later”

“No offense taken darling”, you said, making both raise their eyebrows. “I work here too and in case you didn’t notice this is a morgue, so I think I can handle whatever is the business you need to talk with Skeeter”

You and Jax stared each other for a moment before Happy break the silence. “Let her help boss”, he said, a raspy and sexy voice that caught your attention immediately. Jax nodded and you followed them to a black van. In the back of it there was a body, the head hanging from the neck.

“Jesus Christ!”, you raised your eyebrows. “Who did this awful job? Look the cut, it’s a mess. Shit! It destroyed the muscles. Not elegant at all. I would have…”

You started a speech about how to properly separate a head from a neck and soon Happy was agreeing with you, sharing his opinion about it. Jax watched you both, arms crossed and his amused expression slowly changing to a bored one.

“Can we do the job or not?”, he asked. “You guys can got out on a date or something to… Keep talking or whatever”

Happy stopped talking and nodded, carrying the body inside. You blushed and followed him, getting everything ready on the morgue. Jax thanked you as you followed them to the door. Happy slid a piece of paper inside your hand and mumbled “Call me” before they left.

A few days later you went out on a date with Happy and months later you became his old lady.


It was obvious that everybody at Samcro thought you two were the weirdest couple ever, but you didn’t care. You loved each other and Happy was a great husband. He was still at the clubhouse and you were waiting for him to come home, preparing dinner as listened to your favorite songs. Your gun was next to you, of course, danger was never far away from Samcro family. Your phone rang and you smiled seeing Happy’s name on the screen.

“Hi baby”, you smiled, turning the stove off. “Are you coming home?”

“Soon girl”, he said on the other side. “We need to find some bastard first and then I’m heading home”

“Good”, you giggled. “Go get him baby”

“Oh yes I will”, you could tell he was smirking. “And you stay…”

You never heard what he had to say, because someone burst the front door open. You let the phone fall on the floor with the surprise and Happy was there, hearing the noises through the phone.

“Y/n!”, he screamed. “Baby!…Fuck! Baby answer me!…Shit! Baby…”


The bikes crossed town as faster as they could and in seconds Happy was in front of your house, running to the open door with his gun in his hands. His brothers were behind him and all of them stopped at the kitchen, seeing you there. The floor was cover with a big plastic and a chair was in the middle of the room. A guy, who looked like a Mayan was tied up on it, a tape keeping his mouth shut.

“Hi guys”, you said. You had a knife in your hands and several other tools were over the dinner table. The Mayan had a deep cut in his cheek and blood was dripping from his lip.

“Jesus Christ!”, Bobby cursed behind Happy who walked towards you, checking for any wounds. “What did you do here girl?”

“Elvis…”, you rolled your eyes. “Someone tries to break into my house and kill me…What am I supposed to do?”

“Call the cops?”, Tig suggested, looking at the tools over the table.

“Are you okay?”, Happy asked, seeing the red marks on your arm. His eyes were so angry and you knew that guy wouldn’t live to see another day.

“Yes”, you said, smiling to him. “I had my gun and pointed at him, made him sit to talk, but he wasn’t speaking so…”

“That is my girl”, Happy said, kissing your forehead before punch the guy, making his mouth bleed even more. “Who sent you?”

The guy breathed deep and fast, looking at Happy with fury. He wouldn’t talk. You chose a pliers and yanked the nail from his thumb. The boys looked at each others, not believing that you were doing that.

“Tsc, tsc…”, you pursed you lips, disappointed. “Still not talking”

“Yeah”, Happy nodded and looked at you. “Hammer?”

You nodded and he took it, spinning it in his hands, choosing which body part he would hit first. The guy was getting nervous now, his pupils wide as he mumbled something.

“Enough…”, Jax said walking towards the Mayan and taking the tape off. “Come on man…Who sent you?”

The guy mumbled a ‘nobody’ before started to beg. You sighed and looked at Happy. He shrugged and waited for Jax’s decision.

“Christ! Finish this”, he said, turning his back to you, lighting a cigar as you handed Happy his favorite knife. He smiled and cut the guy’s neck, making the blood flow until the floor.

“Thank God I had this plastic”, you said cleaning the blood from your hands. “I would hate blood stains on my kitchen floor”

“You guys are so weird”, Tig said, looking at Chibs who was making sign of cross. “I mean, coming from ME…THAT IS saying something”

“We better find out what is happening”, Jax said and looked at Happy. “Can you two handle this? Get rid of the body?”

“Yeah, we can boss”, Happy nodded. “Chigger Woods is full…Damn it!”

“How about that wood close to Oswald’s new farm?”, you said making everybody look at you again. “What? We didn’t bury anyone there…Yet”

“Perfect baby”, Happy smiled. “Help me here”

Bobby and Jax looked at each other as you and your husband rolled the body over the plastic. Before they left you heard Bobby said “A match made in heaven”

Anderperry Week Day 2: Letters

This is so sad I’m so sorry. I could have written love letters but this was the first thing that popped into my head and then it sort of…happened. So here’s your daily dose of Anderperry angst and I promise tomorrow’s will be happy.

Dear Neil,

I won’t accept that you’re dead. I just won’t. You’re not allowed to be dead. Remember that one day in the cave? You promised you’d always be there for me. You swore on the dead poets. You’d never break Dead Poets Honor. You’re better than that. Just come back. Come home to me Neil.



Dear Neil,

I went to your funeral today. I still can’t believe you’re gone. You looked so cold. I can’t believe you’ll never laugh again. You’ll never kiss me again. I left the Dead Poets Society book by you when everyone left. I figured you’d like to have it to remember us by. I hope angels are real and that you are one so you can keep looking over me.



Dear Neil,

Things are bad, Neil. Charlie’s been expelled. They blamed Keating for what happened. We all know the truth, but we had to sign the papers or they’d send us away. I know I shouldn’t have signed. I didn’t want to, but everyone else did. My parents made me. Keating left today. The society stood on our desks to salute him. I got about a thousand demerits, but I don’t care. I cried a lot today. I needed you to be here to hold me. Your empty bed hurts me more than you could imagine.




I hate you, you know that? That was a really selfish thing for you to do. Did you consider for a second how what you did would hurt the people around you? Did you think for a moment about the society? Did you think about how this would affect us? Did you think about me? You told me you loved me that day. I remember like it was yesterday. I can still feel your fingertips on my cheek and your breath on my skin as you whispered an excited “I love you” before you left for the play. You were so beautiful in that play. You were perfect. You had found your calling. I can’t write anymore. Nothing I write sounds good. You were my muse, Neil. And now you’re gone. I can’t believe you broke your promise


Dear Neil,

I didn’t mean that in my last letter. I could never hate you for long. I never have been able to. You used to piss me off so much, you know? You would always try to get me to do things way out of my comfort zone, and a lot of times I just wanted you to leave me alone. I’m so glad you didn’t. Remember our first kiss? Keating had spent that lesson talking about how it only takes about five seconds of courage to change your life forever. So I used my five seconds to kiss you. I was so scared, Neil. I was terrified. But you smiled and kissed me back. Keating was right, my life will never be the same. I guess the point of this letter you’ll never read is to say I miss you. I miss you so much. Come home.



Dear Neil,

It’s been nearly six months now. I don’t know why I keep writing these letters. I do it mostly when I miss you. I mean, I miss you all the time. I’m in a constant state of missing you. But sometimes at night, I can still feel your arms around me and I forget you’re gone. I’ve tried to call you too many times for my own good. And then it hurts so much I could throw up, and writing to you makes me feel better. If I burn the letters, will the ashes get to heaven so you can read them? Or maybe you’re right by my side as I write them. I don’t know. I need to get to the point, because shockingly, there is a point to this letter.

This is going to be my last letter, Neil. It breaks my heart to write that, but I need to move on. I can’t sit here and cry over you every day anymore. That’s not healthy, you wouldn’t want that for me. You’d want me to be happy again, wouldn’t you? Writing these letters doesn’t make me happy. It’s like twisting the knife that was stabbed in my chest when you died. I need these wounds to heal. I can’t do that writing these letters.

I don’t know what the future will hold for me, Neil. I don’t know if I’ll be a writer or if I’ll work a boring desk job for my entire life. I don’t know if I’ll marry or have kids or what have you. But what I do know is this: I will always love you. In my heart you’ll always be seventeen and beautiful. You’ll always be my muse. I hope you are an angel and I hope you’re watching over me, because the idea of you rotting away in that cemetery kills me.

Just…if you can read these…know that I love you. I love you so much. You planted a garden in my lungs, but now I’m suffocating and I need to pick the flowers out. But I love you. Dead Poet’s Honor, I love you.

Love always,


You know what will happen if Stiles dies? You wanna know? I will tell you anyway..

Scott would lose his best friend… Scott would lose someone that was always there for him, threw thick and thin… He will never get over it… After loosing Allison, he would think he could start over… And just when he did, Stiles would die.. Scott would be broken.. He would lose his brother.. After the funereal, Scott would act like he’s fine, while inside every vein, every bone, every inch of his body would hurt… He would sit in his room, looking at the photo of him and Stiles, remembering how much fun they had when they were kids.. How much they enjoyed their teen years… And he would realize that Stiles is gone… That would be a moment he broke… He lost Allison, Kira left, and now he lost Stiles… A person that supported him threw everything… Scott McCall would be broken…

Lydia would lose a guy she’s in love with… Just when they started of nicely, with all their kisses, hugs, he would die.. She would feel such an amount of emotional pain.. Because she lost her anchor.. Her emotional tether.. She lost so many people, Allison, Aiden, Jackson moved away, her grandma, and now Stiles.. When the funeral would end, she would be the last one that stayed behind.. With tears in her eyes, she send a kiss to his grave, leaving a single flower.. She would whisper ‘I love you’ and leave… Once she got home, she would sit on her bed, still in her black dress, gazing into the space, memories of him flying threw her mind.. And when she would remember how he would say he loves her, she would release such a strong scream of pain, and sorrow.. Her sobs would start and her body would shake… She lost everyone… She was broken..Lydia Martin was broken..

Malia would lose her first real boyfriend… The guy that she deeply cared about, and that cared about her… That made her feel like a normal human being.. After their break up, she was okay, because she knew he would still be there for her… But after he died, she would lose her mind… After the funereal she would run somewhere into the woods.. She would sit there, thinking about their relationship, their friendship… She would just sit on the ground crying, letting out strong sobs out of her chest… Everything around her, everything she would feel would hurt, because she lost her first boyfriend… One of her friends.. She would be broken… Malia Tate would be broken..

Liam would lose one of his role models.. He and Stiles would bicker a lot, but Liam would kill for him.. He never thought he was going to lose him.. Stiles was like an older brother to him.. Someone he would look up to.. And he would be gone… After the funereal, Liam would act cold and strong, but tears would come out no matter what.. He would hold Hayden in his arms, while she cried… He would hold his sobs, huge amount of pain, stabbing his chest.. Once he was alone, he would cry.. He would just let out everything that he held that day… Thinking about Stiles, and the way he protected him… He would be broken… Liam Dunbar would be broken…

Sheriff would lose his son… After his wife passed away, it was only Stiles and himself… But now he would be all alone… Sheriff would lose a person that made him stay alive… After the funereal, he would thank everyone who came, Lydia would throw her hands around him sobbing… He would hold her, like she’s his own, because now he lost him… He would come home, go into Stiles’ room and just look at the stuff he left behind.. His dream was to go to college.. To have kids.. Be someone… Yet now he couldn’t… Sheriff would finally left tears come, holding Stiles’ picture in his hands… He would be broken… Sheriff Stilinski would be broken…

Melissa would lose someone that was like another son to her… When she would hear the news, her breath stopped… Tears would run down her cheeks, thinking that she would never hear his sarcastic jokes, and laugh again… After the funereal, she would hug Scott in her arms, holding him while he cried… Her tears would flow easily, while she would whisper to Scott that everything would be okay… While she knew it wouldn’t.. Stiles that was there for her, that called her mom, that was caring about her, was gone.. She would be broken… Melissa McCall would be broken…

After they would send news to everyone (Isaac, Jackson, Derek, Kira, etc. ), everyone would come to Beacon Hills.. Mourning, they would say their words, holding each other in their arms, hoping the pain would pass..

Nothing would be the same… Beacon Hills would be dark that day, and everyone who said that it would be okay, secretly knew it wouldn’t..

That’s what would happen if Stiles Stilinski died…

You now wish he would die? Yeah, me neither…

Cancer has become something so common in my family,
that we might as well start setting a plate for it at the dining table.
The word slips off our tongues as if we’re simply
asking about the weather when we ask
“is he gone?”
As if it’s less terrifying than it actually is.
My heart stops every time that the phone rings,
scared that we’re going to have another funeral to attend.
It seems like every week we’re getting familiar with
one more persons absence.
No one prepares you for what to do
when three fall ill in one month.
When one only had two weeks to fight.
When another is told he won’t make it to see Christmas.
No one prepares you for when
it seems like everyone you love is dying.
I fear one day I will be returning home to an empty house,
that it will keep taking people from me until there is no one left.
—  THE CANCER POEM, by stormie conn

anonymous asked:


Thank you so much for the ask, Anon! Sorry I was a bit late on the reply, but I hope that these answers will suffice!

11. What quest broke your heart/made you tear up?

Several story-line quests were especially heartbreaking for me.The one that hit the hardest though had to be Blood on the Battlefield when everyone at Kaer Morhen was at the funeral for Vesemir. Vesemir was a father figure for Geralt and an uncle figure Ciri and seeing how his death affected them was very emotional. Even I had really liked him since I first saw him in the original Witcher game so it was saddening to see a staple and kindly character be killed protecting those he cared for. It was only made worse when Eskel and Lambert revealed that they had no intention of staying at Kaer Morhen after the attack. I loved the place and to see everyone who had once called it home being there, but it was never the same after this quest. There was always a sense of loneliness and sadness every time I want back to Kaer Morhen afterwards. 

21. Which hair cut is Geralt wearing right now?
In my original playthough, I left the haircut as the original while keeping the beard as long as possible. Second time around and ever since, I started using the “shaved expect for a pony tail” look complete with a beard that I kept trimmed short whenever I was near a barber. The look really grew on me and is my favorite now. At the current moment though, I am trying out the “Long and loose” option which I actually quite like and looks fantastic with the wreath crown you can wear if you win the tourney in the Warble of a Smitten Knight quest in Blood and Wine. Just that crown in general is A+

35. Did you get the ending you wanted? Which one is it?
I got the best ending for the game and it is definitely the one I wanted. Seeing Geralt and Ciri together as Witchers is the best outcome I could hope for and was very satisfying knowing I managed to to make all the right options that lead up to that moment. I never had the heart to go back and get other endings on other playthroughs of the game because they would be so emotional and would involve hurting precious Ciri. 

She's Home...

In the earliest morning hours of this day, I lost my mommy.

My sadness is deep but there is so much relief in knowing that her suffering has ended. You can make plans and brace yourself for impact but despite your best efforts, this is nothing you can be prepared for. 

We will celebrate her life for the next few days and continue to cherish the time we have together as a family. I’m focusing my passion and professional skills towards the most significant personal event (because I don’t care for the word funeral) I’ve ever planned. 

Yes, the tears will be frequent but the amount of love and joy will be immeasurable. While it’s not the way I hoped for it to happen, most of the significant people in my life will gather together this weekend and I cannot wait to see everyone. We will rejoice…my mom is home with Jesus. 

Once again, thank you for your prayers and love. We are grateful. xoxo

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

anonymous asked:

Not fussed about ship. What about Immortal FAHC and there's a huge argument just before a heist where A gets killed. Which is fine: they're immortal. But they don't come home again and the others start to worry because they don't answer their phone no one has seen or heard of them they aren't at their apartment etc etc. They are starting to think Holy Shit maybe it's not unlimited lives, they're actually gone. Shit how many times has everyone died? Will anyone else not come back? (1/2)

Everyone feels absolutely awful especially whoever A had argued with(B). Then a while later A walks through the door and everyone is super shocked and half want to punch him half want to hug him because 2 weeks he was gone! 2 weeks! Once everyone’s got over the shock B asks why they didn’t come home and in a super small voice A says “I thought you might still be mad at me, we argued and then I messed up the heist and I just…” and B just stands up and hugs them until its okay again (2/2)

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Flat World - Μελπομένη

While writing Flat Dreams, there were a lot of scenes and snippes I had in mind that never made it into the fic. A few did as interludes, but most were scrapped. I figured it might be fun to post some as I write them anyway, so here you go. Click here to read all those written so far.
I’ll use Flat World as a title for bits set before Bill got his powers and took over his dimension; Flat Minds for anything set after that.

(Also, I am open to prompts and stuff because why the hell not. So, if you’ve got any, just drop me an ask!) 

Μελπομένη/Melpomene: the Muse of Tragedy.


Mr. Cipher died on a Monday.

It was unexpected, but not overly surprising. He was getting old - the fact he had been past the ideal breeding age when he had married had been considered the prime reason why his only biological child had come out as he had, a hopeless Irregular who had been terminated before the age of sixteen - and a his sides had grown frail; a nasty fall was all it took.

It had been quick, neighbours had reassured the grieving widow. She had seemed to take a little comfort in that; Cipher’s surviving son, Bill, clearly hadn’t needed any to begin with. He had acknowledged the condolences, arranged the funeral, and returned to the shop rather than attending.

“My old man wouldn’t want me to ignore the business anyway,” was all he had said. Such practical sense, had been the general consensus, was to be praised.

If his mother thought otherwise, as she stood alone throughout the funeral, she said nothing of it. She thanked those present, accepted the condolences, and returned home in silence.

She had raised two sons, but neither walked with her. One she had lost. The other was… busy.

Keep reading

[Mark] Teacher's Pet (Chapter 68)

All Chapters

The next two days pass in a complete blur, and I’m lost between Fanny’s death and Bea and Max’s situation. My dad’s aunt passed away on Friday night right after they came back home. They decided to stay here and just go back to San Diego for the funerals.

My dad is sad, but him and his aunt weren’t really close. I must have met her a handful of times when I was a kid. I still want to be there for him. The loss made him ultra ‘familial’, and I think he’s scared of losing someone who’s closer to him. He drops random ‘I love you’s to everyone, tells us we’re everything he has. He’s not depressed or anything, just really grateful I think.

Bea, on the other hand, is a mess. She’s told everything to Max, and as expected, he left her. She can’t stop crying, doesn’t want to get out of my bed, doesn’t want to eat, doesn’t want to shower, doesn’t want to see the sunlight, reminding me of me when Mark and I broke up. I feel bad for her.

Andy gives me news, calls me everyday. Despite my disapproval, he is still with Drew and didn’t tell him about what happened with Bea. He says he feels gayer than ever, that he found back his attraction to boys, especially Drew, but I keep telling him he’s just fooling himself. I can’t say he’s become straight, but I think he’s bisexual. He doesn’t even try to think about the possibility, but hey, it’s his life.

The TV says there will be the movie Clueless (a masterpiece) on Fox Wednesday night. The date rings a bell in my head. Wednesday. It’s getting closer and I haven’t started packing. I know I promised, and I hate disappointing Mark, but I can’t possibly leave my house when my family is in this state. It’s not even about how it would look in their eyes, it’s about how I feel. I want to be there for them.

Another reason why I’m not ready to move out is because I’ve thought a lot about Mark and I, and why I felt so weird after his explanation.

He said he jumped on the occasion when Ellie proposed to kiss him to see if he felt anything. That clearly shows he doesn’t think we’d survive external threats or greedy women. No matter how fucked up our relationship is, I’d never give any part of my body to anyone else in exchange of peace. He doesn’t trust us, and he doesn’t trust me either.

I know Andy was suggesting something had happened between us but I said no, and he should have believed me. I had a proof of him cheating on me, he didn’t have any.

I also hate how I felt when we had sex. I was hurt and angry, and then he brought me to heel. He made me vulnerable and weak enough to forgive him anything. I hate the fact that even if he had fucked her, I would have clung to him. I didn’t want to, but I knew I was going to give in. That means he can basically manipulate me with sex.

I’m afraid he knows what he does, that’s what scares me the most. If he sees I become weak and vulnerable when he fucks me, then he will maybe think he can cheat on me anytime he wants, and just fuck forgiveness out of me. He could make me lose all my dignity as a girl…or woman.

But I miss him. I need him with me, and I was us to be okay, I really do. I have all those bad thoughts in my head, but in the end I still end up wanting to call him, talk to him, hear his voice. I wonder what he’s doing. I know he’s hurting because of me. I wonder if he’s working in his surprise for me. I wonder if he has answers to my question. Maybe we can try to solve this together.

That will have to wait, because now is definitely not the right time.

I can’t possibly move out on Wednesday, leave when my dad is mourning and Bea is depressed. I just can’t. I need to tell Mark. I dread his reaction, but I find the courage to dial him.

“Abby.” He answers after the first ring, his voice soft. I haven’t heard it in two days, it’s crazy how much emotion it brings out.

“Hi.” I say.

“Hi.” He replies softly. I stay silent for a moment. Suddenly I wish we weren’t on a break. His voice itself makes me feel like home, and I feel stupid for depriving myself from it.

“I miss you.” He murmurs, breaking the silence. I inhale sharply, his words warming my heart.

“I miss you too.” I reply sincerely.

“Are you calling to tell me you take me back?” He asks hopefully.

“I already took you back, Mark.” I scold.

“What is it, then?”

“I’m not sure I can move out just yet.” I say wearily and cringe, expecting him to bark at me.

“What?” He breathes, very softly.

“I just want to push it back a little, maybe a week.” I explain. He says nothing for what feels like forever.

“But… But you said…” He stutters, and I can sense his agitation. He stops speaking, probably recomposing himself.

“You said you’d give me Wednesday.” He says more calmly.

“Mark, there’s so much going on, I swear. I’m not trying to bail out. It’s just not the right time.” I explain.

“What is going on exactly?” He asks. “Nothing you want to know. I just have to be here for everyone.” I reply, and he goes silent again. I wait. I wait for moments for him to say something.

“I want to see you.” He says. I want to see you too.


“You said you’d give me Wednesday, and you won’t. I want to see you instead.” He adds before I can argue.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“You don’t think it’s a good idea to see your boyfriend?” He asks.

“Not when I’m lost and he can make  me do whatever he wants me to do with sex.” I snap.

“What are you talking about? You know what? I want a date.” He says. “I want to come pick you up at your house, show you a good time, eat some good food with you, and then drop you home and kiss you goodnight on the step of your door.” He explains. He wants a date. A real date. Why does this idea look so new? We’ve never done anything like this before. The traditional way.

“No sex?” I ask, and I immediately want to slap myself, because this is a way to say yes. I couldn’t help it though. How long has it been since we’ve seen each other without having sex or without teasing each other in public? Maybe this is what I need. Maybe I need to find the man I love, not the one my body desperately needs.

“No sex.” He agrees immediately. Mark Tuan and no sex. I have no idea what it’s like. I’ve lost it. It would like returning to the beginning of our relationship. Endless conversations, no sex, just his charm.

“I think I’d like that too.” I say quietly.

“Then say yes.” He pleads.


“Thank you.” He sighs as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Wednesday?” He proposes. The day I was supposed to move in with him. I wince inwardly.

“Okay.” I agree, and then a question pops in my head. “Mark?”


“Did you sell her the car?” I ask. He stays silent, giving the answer away. I slump against the back of the couch.

“No.” He says finally. No? She doesn’t have my car?

“I want it back.” I say.


“I want my car back.” I repeat.

“You only want it because she could have had it.” I can almost hear his smug smile. I purse my lips.

“Yes, and also because it’s mine and I changed my mind about it.” I lie, and he chuckles softly. The sound warms my chest.

“Whatever. Alright, you’ll have it back.” He says.

“Thank you.” I reply. “See you on Wednesday.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you a time.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.” He says, and I wait for him to hang up.

“Why don’t you hang up?” He asks. I blush on my own, embarrassed by my behavior.

“You hang up.” I reply.

“No, I won’t. You hang up.” He retorts.

“Are we really playing that cheesy game?”

“Are we?” He throws back.

“No, we’re not. See ya.” I can’t bite back the grin on my face as I hang up. That was cheesy and lame, but cute. My dad sits down next to me right after I drop my phone on my lap.

“Aren’t you supposed to start packing?” He ask distractedly, throwing an arm over the back of the couch.

“The move is delayed.” I reply, and he turns his head to look at me, eyebrow raised.

“To when?” He asks, and I shrug, because I have no idea. When everything will be alright here, I’ll feel it. I’ll start packing then.

“Isn’t your tyrant upset?” He asks, effectively pissing me off.

“Dad you seriously need to stop this.” I snap. “It’s complicated enough, I don’t need you to be so mean to him. You’re an obstacle between you and me, and as much as it makes him mad, he doesn’t talk like that about you.” I grind out, and he only rolls his eyes, looking back at the TV.

“You should know that when you’re in love, when someone talks bad about your special one, you hurt too.” I add, and he ignores me, focused on the TV. I hate how he doesn’t listen to me. How he has his own opinion about Mark and I and doesn’t even try to hear me out.

“You can continue to hurt me, and be sure I don’t try to be considerate and move out tonight without saying goodbye, or you can shut up and be there in case it goes wrong.” I mutter, and manage to get his attention. He snaps his head towards me and glares.

“Excuse me?!” He barks. “I didn’t raise you to talk to me like this!” He utters. Well, he’s pushing me. I hate how inconsiderate he is. He doesn’t see it hurts me that he’s so negative about my relationship. He doesn’t see I don’t feel good about this situation.

“You’re pushing me towards a choice, dad. You’re pushing me out of the house every time you say something nasty about the man I love.” I retort. “For fuck’s sake, dad, I’m nineteen. I could leave and you’d have no way to get me back. Does it even matter to you?” I add a little bit more calmly.

“You’re my only daughter Abigail, of course it matters.” He says, lowering his tone a little. I sigh. If it matters, he’d do everything for us to have a sane relationship with no hard feelings.

“I don’t want hard feelings between us, princess.” He murmurs softly, taking my hand in his, when I look up at him, surprised by his change of tone, he looks appalled.

“I don’t want you to hate me, Abigail. It would break my heart.” He says, and I immediately feel better. My papa bear. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly.

“I’m sorry for lashing out like this.” I mumble over his shoulder.

“No, you’re right.” He gently pats my back.

“I want you to like him, dad. He’s not like you think he is. I’d never be with someone violent or abusive or who makes me do things against my will.” I explain to him.

“Yes, I know that.” He says, pulling away from me. When I look at him again, his expression has completely changed. He looks really tender, happy even.

“Start packing.” He orders softly.


“I said, start packing. You’re moving out on Wednesday.” He declares. Ha!

“No, I have to be there. For you and Bea.” I retort. What the hell is this? He’s kicking me out, now.

“Oh, come on. You didn’t even know Fanny, and what can you give me? A hug? If I want one I’ll just drive to your place.” He waves a dismissive hand in the air.

“Mommy, on the other hand, has the kind of hug I want. If you know what I mean.” He winks at me. A disgusted shiver runs down my spine.

“Ew, dad! You’re a gross…” I trail off, trying to find something to qualify this man in front of me. “Bear.”

He barks out a huge belly laugh, the one that really makes  him sound like a bear.

“Why are you pushing me out of the house suddenly?” I ask him.

“I think you’re making a mistake, but clearly you won’t listen to me, so I’d thought I’d let you fall over your face, and just new there to catch you when it happens.” He explains, his knuckles caressing my face.

“I appreciate it, dad. But Bea and Max have broken up, and there’s no way I can pack everything by Wednesday.” I explain.

“You don’t have to live here to be there for Bea. You have a key to her house, just swing by whenever you please. It would be more easy if you had a car though.” He retorts.

“Alright, I’m outta here.” I chant, getting up and going back to my room. My dad trying to kick me out of the house, how funny is that?

In front of the stairs, my phone starts to ring. It’s Max. It’s the first time he’s calling me since their breakup. He said he was done with her. Clearly it’s not the case. I can’t answer this upstairs, Bea is catching up on her sleep in my room. I decide to go in the backyard.

“Max?” I say as I take his call.

“Does that prick really live in Chicago?” He asks. Well, hello. I’m good and you? Thanks for asking.

“Don’t lie to me, Abigail. I spent more than a year chasing Bea, I don’t want her to play games with me.” He mutters bitterly. I remember how hard it was for him to get her. My heart swells for him a little. I understand how he feels, so I’m not going to bitch over how rude he’s being.

“Yes he does live in Chicago, and yes he’s gay. Or became gay again.” I reply, and I hear a long sigh on the other end of the line.

“Listen, that guy fucked her over. He’s kind, and he doesn’t mean to hurt her, but he does fuck with her brain.” I add.

“She wanted him, she thinks about him now. I bet she thinks about what they’ve done together. She said I’d be her first!” He grinds out, hurt, pain and anger almost palpable.

“First of all, you don’t bet, she does think about how they fucked, all the time. Do you know how she reacts? She throws up.” I retort.

“Every time she thinks about it, she runs to the toilet. Second of all, do you think she’d be feeling bad at all if she didn’t care who her first was supposed to be? She hurt herself too, Max.” I add, and once again, he stays silent.

“What if he lived in LA?” He asks more quietly. The change of tone hits me. He’s… He’s going to forgive her.

“They both probably would avoid each other, putting me in a delicate situation. She’d never try to see him, neither would Andy.” I explain. I don’t want to lie to him, because what Bea and Andy have done to their boyfriends is disgusting, but facts are facts.

“Look, you were there when Mark cheated on me. I forgave him. Not only because he had a reason, not really a good reason but yeah, but also because I know he loves me.” I say, but he doesn’t react to this.

“I’m not telling you to take her back, or to even think about forgiving her. I’m just telling you facts.” I add.

“Heartless assholes don’t feel bad when they cheat, maybe when they get caught. Bea get sick just thinking about what she’s done, she’s really hurting.” I murmur. He stays silent for a long, long moment, and I know he’s thinking.

“You know, whether she had been single or not, she would have had the same reaction. That boy fucks her over.” I add quietly.


“Yes. It’s complicated, and weird. But it’s the truth.”

“Alright, thanks for sharing.” He says on a sigh.

“You’re welcome, bye.” I reply before hanging up. If you can call that a twist. Maybe there’s something to save between them. Bea has done so much more than Mark, and still Max is not sure he’s done with her. Reeling, I walk up to y bedroom, which is empty. Frowning, I go out and close the door, and then I hear a puking sound coming from the bathroom. There she is. My poor girl.

“Max called.” I say through the door. She coughs a little.

“He did?” She asks, her voice hoarse. Her throat must feel like hell.

“I didn’t defend you. Just said things how they are.” I explain, and she answers by vomiting again.

“I wonder if you throw up in hell.” She says. Hell? Who’s going to hell?

“Shut up and brush your teeth.” I snap.


A couple hours later the doorbell rings while Bea and I are upstairs.

“Bea, Abigail, it’s for you!” My dad’s big voice booms from downstairs. A visit for the both of us? We look at each ocher quizzically.

“We waitin’ for someone?” She asks me, and I shrug, clueless. I’m curious to see who it is. We trot our way downstairs, and all we see is my dad’s back hiding our visitor in the doorway of the front door. Then he moves to the side and turns to us, letting us see Max standing here with his hands in his pocket.

Holy shit.

He looks uneasy and shifty, anger radiating from him. With a nod, I dismiss my dad and he leaves, and then I turn to Bea, who is petrified. Her big glassy green eyes are glued on him, and she doesn’t seem to be able to move. I turn to Max again, and he’s staring at her right back, his gaze intense. I feel like an intruder.

Slowly, Max drags his eyes to mine and jerks his chin.

“He’s not coming back, right?” He asks me. Checking the water one last time before the deep plunge? I admire him. This shows how much he loves her.

“I really don’t think so.” I reply sincerely. He nods, more to himself then to me, and then on a long and steadying sigh, he looks back. “Then let’s try to save this.” He declares, before grabbing the frozen girls hand and pulling her forward. She sends a surprised, panicked look, and then he drags her out of the house into the street, just like this. I stand here, dumfounded, as he drags her away. “Wow.” I say to whoever is with me. I soon realise I’m alone and no one is listening to me. I go back inside and close the door, catching a glimpse of mom and dad cuddling in front of the TV. I could go sit between them, but I don’t feel like it today.

I find myself alone.

It amazes me that Max is trying to forgive her. I’m surprised that despite his anger, he saw through her actions and saw she was feeling bad about it.

It wasn’t hard for me to see it, because I know Bea is a good person. And I kind of understand she didn’t want to sleep with Andy. This is all really fucked up, but now I’m seeing good people can be brought to cheating.

Bea really fucked up, and Max is trying to save their relationship. Mark has done so much less, and he regrets too. In front of that comparison, there should be no doubt. What happened with Ellie was nothing, and we totally blew this out of proportion. But as we did, many issues surfaced. I still miss him, hell I want to see him. We don’t need a break, because despite all the shit that can happen, despite all the issues I can count, there’s no way we’re breaking up.

Locking myself in my room, I lay down on my bed and call the man I love.

“Hey.” He says as he picks up, and I smile on my own.

“Hey.” I reply. “I was wondering if you’d like to reschedule our date.” I explain.

“Rescedule?” He asks.

“I want to see you tomorrow.” I declare.

“Really?” He sounds surprised.


“O-okay, then.” He stutters. Excitement brings butterflies in my belly.

“Cool.” I almost squeal. “What should I wear?” I ask.

“Something casual. I’ll pick you up at five.” He says. Five? So no dinner date. What is he planning?

“Okay.” I reply. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye.” We both stay on the line. “Hang up, Abby.” He scolds. Like he can talk! “Okay.” I pout, but obey.

So, tomorrow I’m seeing Mark. And I fully intend to make everything right.

rohrkatze  asked:

Would you mind to share some thoughts about persephone!Eggsy and hades!Harry again? I really love your stories about them and I think I read every one at least 12 times (and everytime I love them a bit more)... Have a nice day!

Originally posted by gif-database

Oh my god! That’s so extremely nice of you to say!! dkgjdajgs;g thank yoooouuu >W<

as for Hades!Harry and Persephone!Eggsy, I did have a fic in mind about them just a few days ago, but it was less “Actual Greek Gods” and more “a lonely funeral home director and the cute florist from down the street”

Basically, Harry owns a funeral home, and he’s often busy, as his clients like the amount of care of attention to detail he gives to everyone who passes through his doors. But, well, because he deals with death on a daily basis, most people find him gloomy, and he’s quite lonely as a result. He’s pretty much resigned himself to being alone for the rest of his life, which is when a florist moves into the empty shop down the street and opens for business.

Harry’s job, of course, uses quite a lot of flowers, and having a source so close to the funeral home would be beneficial to them both, so he goes over to the shop to introduce himself. That’s when he meets Gary “Call me Eggsy, bruv” Unwin, who is a literal ray of sunshine and probably the most beautiful creature Harry had ever seen walk the earth.

It only gets worse when Eggsy takes a liking to Harry and starts visiting him all the time, bringing him tea and snacks so they can have lunch together, and even decorating Harry’s office with a few spare flowers to “liven the place up a little”. Harry falls in love in no time at all.

But Harry doesn’t know how to handle ~feelings~ and so retreats from Eggsy, much to the younger man’s disappointment. It isn’t until Harry’s friends, James and Merlin, kick him in the ass and call him an idiot, that Harry decides to swallow his anxiety and go talk to Eggsy again.

Only the minute he walks into the florist’s shop, a meager bouquet of daffodils in hand, Eggsy spots him and marches up to him, clearly upset. He demands an explanation and Harry gives him one- he was terrified being so in love, because he was certain that someone as radiant and lovely as Eggsy would never return Harry’s feelings. So he tried running away. Harry apologizes for his behavior and offers Eggsy the bouquet.

Eggsy stares at it for a long while, so long that Harry starts to fidget nervously, and then he finally quirks a smile and looks up at Harry.

“Where’d you get these, then? Don’t tell me you’re seein’ another florist behind my back.”

To which Harry stutters of course not, only to be interrupted by a laugh from the younger man, who leans up and kisses Harry silent.

And then they lived, of course, happily ever after.



Imagine Newt and Thomas are the best of friends. Theyve know each other since thet were born. They do everything together. From playing video games to eating Mcdonalds to having parties. They do EVERYTHING together. One day Newt and Thomas are driving at night. There just laughing and having fun. Music is blaring out from the speakers. Newt is driving and Thomas is in shotgun. Then Newt says to Thomas “I really like you”. Thomas laughs and says “I like you too, man.” Newt looks over at Thomas “No Tommy. I really like you. Like more than just friends.” Thomas’ eyes meet with Newt’s. It was as if a zombie just ripped his voice box out. “Say something” Newt says. “Um, well,” Thomas started “I g-guess I l-like you too,” Thomas stutters. He takes out his hand from his pocket and places it on top of Newt"s. They smile at each other. They lean in and- CRASH! Darkness and Silence. Never a good combination. But then Thomas’ eyes flickered. A bright light. Was it the sun? Was this heaven? He didn’t know. “Thomas, can you hear me?” A voice called out. Thomas fully opened his eyes. Nope not heaven. Just a white room. A white hospital room to be precise. And a middle aged woman who was towering above him. “Hello Thomas. My name is Doctor Howe. You’re in (insert any hospital here) You’ve been in a coma for 1 week. What is the last thing you remember?” 1 week? Thomas sat up and thought. “Um I was in a car with my friend and we were driving and we were talking then um that’s it,” He left out the part about when they admitted liking each other. “Where’s my friend? Where’s Newt? NEWT!” Thomas called out. The door opened and there standing was…his mum. “Oh sweetie. Thank god you’re okay. I thought you were-” “Where’s Newt? I need to see him. Now!” Thomas yelled. His mother gulped. “Sit down Thomas. Please” His mother pleaded. Thomas sighed and sat down with her. “Honey the car crashed pretty badly. You bruised your entire leg and fell foward and hurt your head but you made it. But Newt, oh honey, I’m so sorry,” His mother sobbed. Thomas’ eyes widened and he stared at the ground. He was gone. His best friend. His brother. His other half. Life taken away from him like taking candy away from a baby. “When was the funeral?” “Yesterday. We didn’t know when you were going to wake up so we had to do it.” He missed his lovers funeral. “Can I go home now?” Thomas asked. “You’re free to go,” Doctor Howe said. Months had passed and Thomas was clearly depressed. His mother got him a therapist and tried to help him. But Thomas pushed her away. He felt it was his fault. He isolated himself from everyone and hardly ate. He would cry himself to sleep. But every night Thomas would look at the sky, hoping Newt was looking back at him and that he still loved him just the way he did. “I miss you”

i. She’s in a long black coat tonight

When I held you in my arms that night,
I knew it would be for the last time.
I begged you to stay with me.
I pressed myself against your skin,
I wanted to wrap myself around you,
And be your armor.

You touched me, pressed your lips
To my trembling skin, and swore
Into my flesh that you would come home.

We both knew you were lying.

ii. Waiting for me in the downpour outside

I stood on the wall, clutching Helen’s hand,
The war was raging below us, there were
Hundreds of crashing, writhing bodies,
And there was you.
And there was him.

Then your mother was screaming.
Your father was beating his fists against his chest
And my world was crumbling.

And you were gone.

iii. She’s singing “Baby, come home” in a melody of tears

I tore out my hair, I tore the roots
Out of my skull, I dragged my nails
Down my cheeks, ripped at the heart
Inside of me.
I screamed, until my throat ripped raw,
And I tasted blood.

I could not hold you again. I was robbed of you,
You were a prince, my prince,
And I watched your body desecrated.

I felt the loss of you in the fiber of my being.

iv. While the rhythm of the rain keeps time

Troy burned, Hector.
They murdered our son, I held him for the last time,
And then they dragged us from our bed,
And from the walls of our home, cast him out.
I was a princess, and then I was a slave.

Bought and sold by the son of your murderer,
I lay beneath him, and thought of you.
How I should have leapt into your funeral pyre.

Darling, what did we ever do to them?

—  Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy, a song for Andromache of Troy

i’ve avoided talking about it because it’s a little too close to home right now, but my heart hurts for oakland and all my friends who lost loved ones. send me any posts that need boosting about individual funeral/family funds or about any other DIY spaces that need funds to get up to code/emergency funds for people who have been evicted from their spaces. 

there’s talk in the seattle diy community about having some benefit shows to raise money to buy exit signs, smoke detectors, fire extinguishers etc for diy spaces, and i highly encourage everyone involved in spaces like this to find out what you need to do to bring your spaces up to code. it’s so hard to do this in already marginalized, usually not super wealthy communities. keep each other safe <3 

1. I never had the chance to see my parents in love. not with each other, not with anyone else. 
2. my dad parked his car and tried to kill himself. he said he thought of me. he drove home and got high instead.
3. we lived with my grandparents. my mom would come home early in the morning. her hair smelled like smoke and she would pour me a glass of apple juice. my dad wrote me letters.
4. a boy with hands I will never forget showed me naked bodies before he pinned mine to cold concrete. I didn’t ask for this. it wasn’t my fault. it wasn’t my fault.
5. in the parking lot of a funeral home with the weight of death thick on his tongue, my dad taught me to choose Jesus. I called my grandma. I told her I made the angels sing.
6. the minister asked me to give my consent as my mom remarried. I didn’t know that she was doing this for me. I’m sorry.
7. my dad cried when he found out that my mom was pregnant. I told him that she wasn’t the one for him. he told me that love was a choice. 
8. I corrected everyone who called him my half brother. he is my brother. just my brother. 
9. I found my swimsuit shoved inside a toilet at a pool party. I left it in the parking lot and ran the whole way home. the first time I felt alone. the first time I looked at my stomach with disdain. 
10. she didn’t mean to hit me. she cried right after. she told me I was difficult. I slept on the floor at the top of the stairs.
11. I don’t know how many drinks it took for my dad to forget to pick me up. I don’t know why he got in his truck or where he was going. I know that he spent twenty-one days in jail.
12. the boy I liked looked at me across the lunch table and called me fat. the tile floor of the bathroom left indents on my knees. I didn’t sit with him again.
13. I already ate. I’m just tired. I know how many days I can live on water alone. I know what I weigh every hour of the day. I know that I can purge a whole meal in thirty seconds flat.
14. I was bleeding. I don’t know how to explain it. it was silent but it was audible. He rescued me. I am not the same.
15. I didn’t tell my dad that we were dating. he was older but his voice still cracked and I wouldn’t let him hold my hand.
16. my mom sat next to me in the doctor’s office and I heard her cry when they asked if I had ever thought about ending my life. I had forgotten that she loved me until this moment. I’m sorry.
17. I thought I was in love. I wasn’t. he wasn’t. he let me pick the color of his bedroom anyway. I hope he painted over it.
18. I never saw my grandpa cry until I moved away. I still feel guilty. I still sleep in the same sheets.
19. I wasn’t ready. none of us were ready. we knew it was coming but there is no way to brace for losing someone so small. 
20. I stood on top of a mountain and realized I was in love. I sat on the edge of a bed while he told me why I couldn’t be. I wouldn’t change anything. we love each other, though differently than I once wanted. it is better. it is love.
21. I look at my hands and I look at my stomach and my knees and feel my teeth against my lips and I remember where I have been and I don’t know where I am going. my eyelids are heavy and my heart is heavy and I can feel the gravity of every day I’ve ever lived and I know that they have not calloused me but they have softened me. I am not steel. I am not stone. I am skin and I have much farther to go.
—  twenty-one years