Please? I Can’t.
Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader (x Pippa Soo ?)
Warning: Mentions of dead soulmate, but that’s about it.
Prompt: Soulmate AU - You have a tattoo of the first words they say to you. Here’s the catch, you met your soulmate while you’re still in a relationship with someone else.
Word Count: 2,352
Note: I made this back in February but I never posted it bc i’m not ?? good ?? at writing but anyway, here it is. Will post part 2 soon. Also! Reader here is bisexual, just a heads up. All comments are appreciated! Enjoy reading!
Third time you had to witnessed a girl meeting her soulmate today and all you can do is give out a loud audible sigh. Your eyes continued to linger on the couple as the brunette woman cried before cradling the other girl’s face with her hand. Your gaze shifted to their wrists, squinting to see the words etched on the brunette’s skin.
– I’ll have a large coffee and a cinnamon roll, please. –
You chuckle at the line as you tended to your own cup of coffee. A hand suddenly waved in front of your face, snapping you out of your trance.
“Were you listening to anything I said?” Renee asked, slightly irritated.
You look down. “You were saying something about crappy local government?”
“That was ten minutes ago, Y/N. Jeez, you can’t even spare me an hour for my political rant.”
You held up your hands in surrender, your gaze shifting towards the couple. “In my defense, I just got distracted. That’s all.”
Renee chortled, rolling her eyes. She grabbed your face, forcing you to stare at her.
“You are literally the most hopeless romantic I have ever met.”
You escaped from her grasp. “You can’t blame me! There are couples everywhere and it’s almost Valentine’s Day,”
“And thing aren’t going well, you know.” You mumbled at the end.
“What did I tell you, Y/N? You shouldn’t force these things. Your tattoo is romantic enough, don’t stress out too much.”
Right, the tattoo.
No one knows where it began or where exactly it came from but that’s how things came around today. You’ve heard about it from your parents, from your teachers back in elementary school, and even in the local library where Jasmine worked in.
It was all everyone could ever talk about nowadays. The days of chancing romance ended and the age of determined soulmates began.
You just have to remember one thing; the words etched on your skin are the first words your soulmate will ever say to you.
You glance at your own wrist, rereading the words you have never heard from anyone:
– Dainty fingers. I’m going to guess. Pianist? –
“It seems pretty damn beautiful if you ask me,” Renee said as you smiled down to your wrist. “Unlike my ever-so-wonderful tattoo.” She brought her wrist to your face and you laughed as you reread the words:
– This is the last roll of tissue paper and I am taking it. –
You rolled your eyes. “Beautiful, sure. Yet everyone found their soulmate but me. Heck, you found yours.”
“So? It doesn’t mean ‘he’ wouldn’t come soon.”
“Or she.” You say, giving her a cheeky grin.
She gasped with an amused smile on her face. “My, my, Y/N. I never suspected that.”
You chuckle. “Who knows? I am dating a girl right now.”
Renee’s eyes widened. “You’re what?”
You nodded nonchalantly. “Remember, Pippa? Phillipa Soo?”
“Yeah, I remember her. From the play we watched a month ago, right?”
“That’s her. I’m dating her now. What’s so shocking about that? You know I’m attracted to girls too.”
“That’s not the shocking part. It’s the fact that you’re dating someone who’s not your soulmate. What are you doing, Y/N?”
You took a sip from your coffee, shrugging your shoulders. “I got tired of waiting.”
You sighed as you placed your mug on the table. “Listen, I don’t even get why we have these pre-determined people we’re required to love. Why can’t I choose who to fall in love with?”
“Y/N..” You continued to talk.
“Why does it have to be based from some tattoo we’re born with? Can’t I be the one to make that decision?”
She looked down. “You know I can’t answer that for you. But, it’s still going to be different if you are with the person you are really meant to be with.”
“Renee, it’s not that-”
“Can you tell me right now that things are doing well between you and Pippa?” Her words shut you up.
“Things are just okay. That’s the problem, I guess. It’s just okay.”
“It is a problem. You can’t settle for just some shallow love. How do you think this is affecting her?”
“Her original soulmate died,” Another fact in this world – once your soulmate dies, you can’t replace them. You are left alone to look for someone else.
“To her, this is everything.”
“But to you, it isn’t. You can’t force her to be the one and she can’t force you to be her-”
“Can we just not talk about it?” You interrupt her, getting tired of all this talk.
She nodded, letting the silence fill between the two of you before speaking up again.
Renee dipped a biscuit into the coffee. “I still bet it’s going to be a ‘he’ for you.”
“Oh my god, Renee.”
“What? More than often, you fawn over guys more than you do with girls. Especially those into theater and arts.”
“And you told me yourself before that you’re more inclined to men. Remember when we watched Singing In The Rain?” She laughed at the memory.
“What can I say? Gene Kelly stole my heart.” You giggle, clutching your chest.
Laughter filled the space between you two. She faced you. “Be patient, Y/N. Your soulmate will come.”
Your smile faltered and you rubbed your face with your palm, reiterating what you said earlier. “I’m tired of waiting.”
“He or she might be just right around a corner.”
Before you could even reply to her, a loud bunch entered the cafe, laughing away.
One of them nudged his head towards the table beside yours, all five of them settling down on the seats.
Their loud laughter immediately started to irritate you. You stood up and just before you could ask Renee to move to another table, her phone rang.
“I have to take this. I’ll be back.” She spoke, quickly making her way out of the cafe.
You sighed as you plop back down to your seat. With no one to talk to, you couldn’t help but listen in to the conversation among the men beside you.
“With huge hands like that, playing the bass guitar wouldn’t be so hard.”
“Goddammit, Lac. You have to stop him. Seriously.”
The curly-haired man just chuckled, patting the other man’s back.
“I’m sorry, Daveed. I really do need a new bassist and well, Lin just wants to help.”
Daveed rolled his eyes, glaring at Lin.
“The one day we agreed on to have a reunion and you decided to bombard me with this. Just because you’ve got a new Lafayette and Jefferson.”
Lin laughed at his friend. “Technically, we aren’t complete yet. Leslie is on his way.”
Daveed sighed. “Man, I love you but please. Bother someone else.”
Lin raises his palms. “Your hangover must be so bad.”
“Very.” Daveed says, burying his face in his palms. Everyone in the group chuckled at him.
A tan boy with light brown hair stood up. “Okay, Lin. Since you’re so great, what can I play?” He said, squishing his palms towards Lin’s face.
“Calloused fingertips. Probably guitar. You seem like a guitar guy, Anthony.”
The boy, Anthony, let out a low whistle. “Pretty stereotypical but I’ll take it. How about Oak?”
A muscled man raises his palms. Lin stared closely. “With those palms, drums. Definitely drums.”
Lac looked at Lin, eyeing him up and down. “I’m still confused as to why you do this hobby of yours.”
Lin chuckled. “Come on, I can find musicians just by looking at their hands.” He says jokingly, leaning back into his seat.
Suddenly curious, your eyes shifted to your own hands. The man beside you cleared his throat.
You turn your head up, only to see Lin staring at you and your raised palms.
You quickly dropped your hands, wrapping your fingers around the mug of coffee set in front of you.
You face front, trying to ignore him as if you weren’t listening in to their conversation.
“Miss. Hey, miss.” You close your eyes as you silently wished for Renee to come back from her phone call.
The man from the other table wouldn’t stop grabbing your attention until one of his friends tapped your shoulder.
You faced him. “Hi, I’m Anthony,” He extended his hand for you to shake.
“And I’m Y/N.” You say slowly, still hearing the other man’s attempts in calling for you.
“Introduction’s out of the way, good. Now moving on. Lin, that man right there,” He spoke, pointing towards the man calling for you. “Will not stop until you talk to him.”
You sigh. “He wouldn’t?”
“Not a chance.”
You let another sigh as Anthony started pointing at the other man with his eyes. Slowly, you faced Lin. You gave him a short wave, with the mug still tight around your other hand.
Lin smiled at you as he quickly pointed to you then towards your palms. With a loud voice, he spoke.
“Dainty fingers. I’m going to guess. Pianist?”
You let out a gasp. Your hands covered your mouth, letting the mug fall to the ground in pieces. As tears flooded your vision, you take a quick glance to your wrist.
He said it. The words that have long been etched onto your skin, he spoke them. You’ve been waiting for so long to the point that you have given up on the idea of ever meeting your soulmate.
Your teary eyes watched as Lin jumped from his seat and made his way towards you.
He kneeled down to pick up the pieces of ceramic on the floor. “I’m sorry, Miss. I didn’t mean to scare you there. Was it something I said?”
You stared at the man by your feet as you mumbled something.
He looked up to you, watching as tears continue to well up your eyes. “What did you say? I didn’t catch that.” You let out a shaky breathe.
You watched as his own eyes widened, tears glossing over his brown orbs as he looked at his wrist. “It’s you,”
He stood up. “I’m Lin.” Words couldn’t explain how happy he was to hear the words that appeared on his skin since he was born, to find the one his heart has longed for.
“I’m Y/N.” You slowly extended your hand for him to shake.
You suddenly found yourself smiling at him with him reciprocating with a grin. He reached for your hand. With this, your mind snapped back to Pippa. As his hand brushed against your fingertips, you retracted your hand. His face contorted with confusion and the next thing you knew, you ran off.
At this point, everything was just happening all at once. Tears started falling from your face as you passed by Angelica, Lin running behind you, Angelica and Lin’s friends watching from the cafe.
It was when you reached an an empty alley when you stopped running, listening to your own sobs and the sound of the busy streets bouncing off the walls.
Why did you have to be with someone else? You were angry. You were angry at the fact that you didn’t wait longer, that you became impatient a bit too soon, that you felt goosebumps at the feel of his fingertips against your hand, that you felt a zap in your stomach, and that the zap you felt made you feel safe, that it made you feel at ease.
“Y/N! Please! Listen to me, where are you?” You heard him shout, the sound of speedy footsteps following suit.
You had nowhere to run to anymore, your back against the wall of the alley. You closed your eyes and prayed to the heavens that he wouldn’t find you. You didn’t want to complicate things. You prayed that soon, you can just be with Pippa and forget that you ever met Lin.
The footsteps started getting louder and all you could do was close your eyes.
In just a few seconds, he was in front of you with his hands on either side of your body.
“Y/N, I’m begging you. Please open your eyes and talk to me.” He spoke with a shaky breathe.
You slowly opened your eyes, your cheek facing him as you refused to face Lin.
“Fine, I’ll talk.” He sighed.
“I know this is scary. I’ve been waiting for a long time too and I have been on the brink of giving up, believe me. But, it’s okay now. I’m here. You’re here. We can stop waiting.”
“I gave up.”
“What?” He said, sadness looped around his voice.
You winced. “I-I thought I wouldn’t meet you. I gave up. I started dating someone else.”
“Is it not possible for you to just break-”
“I can’t just do that, Lin. What I have with this other person, it’s important to her. I can’t just drop her like that.” Tears started to form again.
You feel his fingers grabbing your chin, making you face him. His breathing turned shaky as his teeth captured his bottom lip in attempt to keep his tears from falling.
“I see.” You place your hand against his face, closing your eyes.
Your heart fell when he nuzzled his cheek against your palm. This felt like home. For once in your life, you finally knew how it felt to be with someone you’re meant to be with.
You tried to think about Pippa but quickly after that, your mind started to drift back to the man in front of you.
“I’m so sorry, Lin.”
“I’m not asking you to break up with her all of a sudden, I’m asking for you to give me a chance. I know this is scary but give me the opportunity to make you fall for me,”
“I will treat you well. We can drink coffee together, watch movies, read books, we can do anything that you want. Just please.”
You had to admit to yourself, that’s what you wanted. But still, you couldn’t just drop Pippa so suddenly. You promised her.
“I can’t.” You started to retract your hand from his face but Lin held placed his palm over yours, holding tightly onto your fingers.
“Why not?” He choked out.
“If I do,” You look up to meet his eyes.
“I know I’ll fall in love with you in an instant.”