i love baking shit

5
2

cause that’s just ridiculously odd

iwaoi headcanons bc i have too many saved and it’s getting to the point where i am concerned about myself 

  • oikawa loves sweet things but cannot bake for shit so he pesters iwaizumi to bake for him a lot (iwa sometimes does it just bc and it has oikawa smiling for days)
  • oikawa excessively uses snapchat filters esp the dog one
  • speaking of snapchats, oikawa is that one person all his friends hate bc his snapchat stories are like 100 seconds long?? most of them are just updates on iwaizumi (going out to eat w/ iwa-chan!!, iwa-chan bought me ice cream 💞) 
  • oikawa and iwaizumi are always casually touching?? like sometimes they don’t even talk and they just have an arm draped around the other or legs on the others lap w/o thinking?? (“do u guys always have to do this” “???”)
  • oikawa is such a meme™ but iwaizumi uses old memes and it makes makki and mattsun cry
  • whenever oikawa feels overwhelmed, he just climbs over to iwa’s room and falls asleep on his bed (iwa hasn’t locked his window since he was five) 
  • also yeah their houses are next to each other and their windows right across, a tree separating them (their names are scratched on that tree) 
  • oikawa is constantly borrowing iwaizumi’s sweaters. he doesn’t know why they’re 100% comfier than his when they have some of the exact same sweaters???
  • they’re that couple™ who works out together and go on adventures together while showing off how great they are via Instagram (they have a bucket list of things to do. rescue sea turtles in costa rica, soak in the blue lagoon in iceland, dive in the great barrier reef in australia, etc.)
  • they love trying out new sports together bc while volleyball is their #1, it doesn’t mean they don’t like to explore ok 
  • other sport teams desperately try to recruit iwaizumi for their team even going as far as to bribe him 
  • iwaizumi likes to switch sports during volleyball’s off season but his only condition is that it can’t get in the way of volleyball
  • oikawa reads his horoscope every month (iwaizumi’s too, even checks their compatibility. acts accordingly to it until iwaizumi gets annoyed and tells him to knock it off bc “are you really ignoring me bc some magazine said we weren’t compatible what the fuck oikawa”)
  • when oikawa got injured, he couldn’t look at iwaizumi for days and when he finally did, he broke down crying repeating “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” all over again 
  • iwaizumi wasn’t even angry at oikawa, he was just angry at himself for not catching oikawa before he fell 
  • kunimi unironically calls iwa ‘mom’. the first time, it was an accident but he’s too embarrassed to admit it so he acts as if he called iwa mom on purpose and it’s too late to stop now (oikawa has been desperately trying to make kunimi call him dad) 
  • the others have slipped up and called iwa mom and oikawa dad before. (the first time kindaichi called iwa mom, he became beet red and apologized 100x)
  • iwaizumi doesn’t really care??? he admires his mom so he thinks it’s a compliment 
  • they have an unintentional cliche family picture of iwa, oikawa, kindaichi and kunimi  
  • thats all i think
ok just listen

so in iron man the first (it sounds so dramatic that way i love it) rhodey gets hammered on a plane and while the air stewardesses are dancing provocatively he’s just like “Tony is a good man. Did u see that boy? What a good boy.” and now all i can imagine is the avengers frantically getting rhodey drunk so they can hear the entire story behind tony, not just the He Was Doing a Thing and It Turned Out Hilarious story. 

Rhodey will wax poetic on Tony’s facial hair. He’ll cry as he tells you the story of the time Tony went grocery shopping and bought six bouquets of flowers because he could. (”His mom liked roses, but fuck roses man,” Rhodey would say. “Daisies were cool as shit.” “Oh my god, stop,” Tony would moan and groan. The Avengers cracked up.) 

Or they get Rhodey to tell them the story of Dum-E, which was sadder than anticipated. “Don’t cry,” Rhodey tells Steve, trying to pat his shoulder and missing entirely, instead patting his abs. “Dum-E still doesn’t know how to spell the word ‘crayon.’ I think Tony coded something wrong, but I’m too lazy to fix it.” this is how they learn that Rhodey???? he’s on par. He can follow along with Tony, but most of the time he’s just too lazy to. If he really wanted to, Rhodey could build an Iron Man suit. He just doesn’t want to, and complains that it would take too much effort. 

Tony turns bright red when Rhodey mentions that Tony will blush at any genuine flirtation or compliment. This leads to many positive statements, and Tony nearly cries when Sam Wilson shows up and learns this, because Sam Wilson is the Suavest Man Alive. (True story.) 

Rhodey tells them a lot of things, most of them being true. (”Guys, I didn’t steal a dinosaur bone from the Natural History museum,” Tony argues. “I swear to god I would’ve just bought it. Rhodey tends to think he’s funny when he’s drunk off his ass.” “To be fair, he tried to tell Bucky that he looked like an angry seagull and ended up just saying ‘angery gullsea,’” Sam says. “Best moment ever.”) Bucky is not pleased with this, because he doesn’t look like an angry seagull. 

“Yeah, you look more like an angry badger,” Sharon teases. 

“Sharon, you look like a naked mole rat.” 

“Oh shut up. Rhodey, tell them the story about Tony’s rollerskates idea.” 

So then, they get to hear about how Tony went through this phase where he went to the roller rink every Saturday of junior year in college. At first, Rhodey thought it was because of one of the employees. (”Like, I don’t swing towards his type of dude, but man that dude was cute,” Rhodey says with a sigh. “Boom! That’s how he looked like.” Everyone refrains from laughing.) 

“No, but that wasn’t it,” Rhodey continues. “It wasn’t because of Cute Roller Dude. Honestly, he was pretty irrelevant.” 

“Rhodey, shut up,” Tony groans. “They don’t wanna hear this.” 

“I have pictures,” Sharon says. “Aunt Peggy and Jarvis wrote letters back and forth.” 

“What the fuck?” Tony responds. “WHy do you keep them?” 

“Blackmail purposes,” Sharon answers with a shrug. “I was planning on blackmailing you into girl scout cookies if you didn’t buy them.” 

“Okay, so glad I didn’t hang out with you until Peggy introduced us, next. Rhodey, don’t.” 

“Tony, man, I love you. Guys, Tony is great!” Rhodey cheers. (He frequently says that Tony is great A Lot. Like, so many times. At least thirteen times an hour when he’s drunk.) “But Imma tell the story about the time you made roller skate rocket boots.” 

The Avengers hear about the story. Tony shows them the prototype. “For a while, they were gonna go on a suit,” Tony admits. 

“Why do you trust yourself to have fashion taste?” Clint whispers. 

“Because I don’t wear deep v-neck purple t-shirts,” Tony retorts. “Come sugarbear, off to bed before you tell anymore stories.” 

“They haven’t heard about how you almost married me!” Rhodey protests. “Guys, guys, guys. This great man, i love you Tony, this great man almost married me. He had to take this improvisational theater class, and he nearly married me because the priest was legit. I’m so glad he didn’t. Now I get to brag about my best friend, because bragging about your husband isn’t as cool.” 

“Is that the only reason you haven’t considered, you know, dating Tony?” Sam asks. 

“Nah,” Rhodey says. “Goodnight.” Tony grins. 

“He fell in love with this awesome pilot he knew in the service. Her name was Carol, and he’s a nerd about her. She doesn’t visit often. She’s in space or something right now.” 

“No fair,” Rhodey pouts. “Now I get to tell them about your cookie fiasco!” 

“NO!” Tony yells, frantically dragging Rhodey to the elevator. 

“So, Tony–i love my friend so much–Tony can’t bake for shit–” 

“We’re LEAVING!” Tony yells, the elevator door closing. They hear a muffled scream and a thud. 

anonymous asked:

I know you've getting a lot of headcanon requests about the boys, but do you have any about the imprints???

YES I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS OK I’M EXCLUDING RENESMEE BC I HAVE NO HEADCANONS FOR HER SORRY LOL

- let’s first get real here for a minute the wolf girls are always sorta portrayed as this group of lovely, sweet, well-rounded women and while this is very true, every woman has her bat-shit crazy moments and quirky habits, so let’s DIVE RIGHT IN
- Kim is a naturally sweet and incredibly kind girl. She’s one of those people that are so nice that they’re a borderline pushover sometimes, but when Kim gets angry– Good Lord of Earth and Heaven she gets angry.
- Kim will kinda just burst (like a werewolf) in anger and she turns into this TERRIFYING tiny demon spawn that even Jared runs away from sometimes. Everyone kinda just backs away from her (both in respect and fear that she’ll permanently maim them) to let her vent her lashing anger.
- Emily, at first, was actually proper SHIT at baking because she rarely ever tasted her words due to her diabetes– like, Sam at first was ofc supportive and was all like “Yeha Emily!!1!1™!!1!!1!” but in his head he’s like “I Can’t Believe The Woman Screwed Up Pancakes It’s Like I’m Eating Tar I Love U Emily But U Can’t Bake For Shit”. By the time Paul and Jared phase, she’s gotten a bit better, but she’s still kinda trash tbh lbr here and Paul and Jared know that but Sam forces them to “enjoy” her “muffins” at the table and needs to alpha order them not to barf on one occasion. By the time Embry rolls around, Emily’s baking has improved existentially– so much so that Embry, even after years of phasing, refuses to believe Paul, Jared, and Sam that her muffins used to be as hard as hockey pucks. After years, Emily never finds out. Sam swears on his life that she’ll only find out when he’s on his deathbed.
- Rachel has a strange snorty and gaspy laugh, and as a kid, she was SUUUUUPER self-conscious about it, so she got into the habit of pinching her nose to make herself stop laughing so hard. Paul obviously finds her laugh incredibly amusing, but at the end of the day, he’s just happy to know that she’s happy enough to laugh her weird laugh. (this is based off of Tanaya Beatty’s ((the actress who played Rachel in the movie)) actual habit of apparently sometimes pinching her nose while she laughs.)
- ALL the imprints have to strongly discourage their partners from dropping hints of being a werewolf to their class-mates and teachers just so they can “see if they catch on”
- “NO JARED U CANNOT BOOK ANOTHER DAY OFF WORK DURING THE FULL MOON OK EVEN UR DENSE WHITE CO-WORKERS ARE STARTING TO GET SUSPICIOUS STOP”
- Claire actually grows up and is very conflicted as to what her sexual orientation is. Quil’s sorta suspected all this time that she wouldn’t just be straight. (Rmbr these are my personal headcanons ok lmao) Claire decides eventually that she’s bi! :-)) yay claire
- Everyone tends to think that Emily is more of the control freak when it comes to her home, but SAM is actually the one who goes out of his way to clean the house in a specific way. (It’s probably him subconsciously projecting his alpha-ness onto other things in life.) He keeps all his shirts in a certain order, puts them back on the exact same hanger, arranges the tv remotes a certain way, etc etc. Emily is more of a “I’ll clean when it gets messy” type of person when it comes to pretty much anything but the dishes. The one thing she cannot stand though is having her pillows sat on by bare boy butts and shedding hair. It took a good chunk of time, and a few paasing arguments here and there, but they manage now.
- Idk the exact timeline of Paul imprinting on Rachel, but in my head, he imprints on her maybe 2 months before the big Salty Volturi v Cullen and Friends: Dawn of Justice premiere. At this point, Rachel knows of the imprint but wants to take it day by day, much to Paul’s disappointment lmao. ANYWAYS, right before the pack leaves to stand alongside the Cullens, Rachel and Paul are stood awkwardly unknowing of what to do as the rest of the imprints kiss and embrace and corny shit. They settle for an awkward, yet tight hug, and Paul just phases when Rachel suddenly calls out his name in a strangled voice and comes sprinting (concerningly quickly) to his furry ass. Rachel just sorta leaps onto his wolfy neck and honestly probably chokes the poor boy. Her hair is in his mouth and nose and he’s allergic to her perfume (which is another headcanon i have hollup) and Brady and Collin are awwing and teasing him but he doesn’t give a shit becase all he hears is Rachel’s shaky voice asking him to “please come back to me”. It’s that moment that Paul swears to all the Quileute spirits and ancestors he knows of that he’ll always come back to her.
- CONTINUING ON WITH RACHEL AND PAUL CUTENESS,, Rachel has a VERY distinct and demure perfume that Paul has a “hilarious” as dubbed by Jared allergic reaction to. Rachel knows that Paul’s highly sensitive mongrel nose tends to get incredibly itchy and sneezy when she’s around, but she can’t bear to not wear it because it’s the closest she’s got to her late mother’s own perfume. Sarah Black’s perfume bottle, which Rachel found underneath her parents’ bed when she was 14, sits on her windowsill sadly. Rachel often stares at it when she’s thinking of her mum, and when Paul notices, he starts putting Rachel’s favorite flowers in the little perfume bottle. (Yes that’s right kids Paul is a romantic and sincere little shit). He tries his very best to make sure the little bottle has fresh flowers everyday because he caught Rachel tearing up at wilted ones once. Rachel and Paul never really talk about it– it’s just something he does and he knows she’s endlessly grateful for it.
- Kim’s bedroom window overlooks the north side of the rez forest. That area is convienently where Paul and Jared are usually assigned to patrol. Kim (being Kim) catches on to the patrol schedule pretty quickly and has a small calendar tacked up right next to her window of who’s patrolling her side of the border and when. She actually gets so good at picking up the patrol schedules that when the pack asks what the schedule is for that week Kim will without really thinking immediately rattle off the hours and territories and routes before Sam can even open his mouth to take a breath. The first time it happens the pack is stunned, but after a while, the wolves stop asking Sam and end up just asking Kim. Sam even mentions to her when random changes are made and talks to her about which wolf would be best and where.
- ANYWAYS CONTINUING ON MY ACTUAL POINT,, Jared (inconveniently) is often given the graveyard shift. Kim likes to keep her window open for fresh air and natural noise, and likes to keep an eye out for a familiar brown or gray wolf. She tends to sleep less without Jared anyways, so she just sketches or watches a movie on her phone posted by the window to see if she can get a flash of Paul or Jared out in the trees. Her sleep schedule gets shifted so drastically that she (much to both Paul and Jared’s constant horror) falls asleep with a limb or her HEAD dangling out the window.
- Everytime this happens, Jared or Paul, (whoever finds her in that position) phase out and climb the tree to her window and fix her back into bed, and at first it’s a serious job but now they’re both like: “Fuckin hell Jared ur girlfriend’s head is hanging out of her window like she was just murdered AGAIN” “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT PAUL CAN U JUST PLEASE GET HER BACK IN2 BED PLS BEFORE SHE SENDS UP FALLING TO THE GROUND THNX”
- Claire at one point growing up goes through a phase where she really dislikes being around the pack. (She’s at that “I’m twelve/thirteen I’m grown up” phase at that point) And the pack just continues to treat her like a young child because they all seem to forget she’s not the overly enthusiastic two year old she used to be. Claire just fumes at the dinner table sometimes at the age jokes and in her head just thinks “Uncle Jake has used that dumb “when u grow up” line at least 7 times at dinner today one day I’m gonna poison his kibble and Quil won’t stop me just watch”
- Claire eventually grows out of that phase when she grows into her prank phase and throws a bit of peanut butter (which Jake is STILL allergic to) in Jacob’s sandwiches and watches his face do, by her words, “the thing”. Quil is not surprisingly her faithful partner in crime.
- SEX WITH THE BOYS REQUIRES A BACHELOR’S DEGREE IN SCIENCE AND CHEMISTRY BECAUSE LBR HERE THEY’RE 108/42 DEGREES AND PROBABLY HAVE HUUUUUUUUUUUGE DONGS SOME WARNING IS NEEDED HERE
- When Emily practically faints her second time boning with Sam because the room + Sam’s body heat + La Push summer + sex = might as well be in a sauna, she decides to create, in her head (bc Sam strongly discouraged Emily from actually typing this out onto paper) a crash-course on: “ Wolf-Girls 1100: An Introduction on How to Bone Your Overly Affectionate Mongrel Safely”.
- Rules such as: “do it in winter with all the windows open!” have some complications as sound seems to travel as fast as vampires around La Push, but the rule “NEVER DO THE DO UNDER THE SHEETS OR U WILL DIE” is foolproof and stands the test of lengthy time.
- Kim is horrified and blushes deeply at Professor Emily Young’s lengthy lecture, Rachel just raises an eyebrow and takes mental notes, Renesmee takes all the advice with grace and thanks Emily profusely for her knowledge, and Claire is just surprised Emily didn’t go as far as to publish and distribute a full text-book on this course.

Ahhhhh how I love my wolf-girls ❤❤.

fractured-boxofstars  asked:

if i were dating you we would bake a shit ton of pastries caus i love pastries and we would eat them watching netflix and we would have pillow fights and drink hot chocolate and YOU WOULD GO TO BED WHEN I TELL YOU

Well I mean if I was waking up to an amazing person and not my family then yes, I would absolutely go to bed. If I had a good reason to get up in the morning I would go to sleep.

anonymous asked:

Could you tell us a little bit about you? nothing you don't want to, but I'm interested in like where you're from, your age, your hobbies, fav music. just curious, because your blog is so interesting!

Hey !!! This is so sweet of you omg !! I’m glad you like my blog !!!
My name’s Gray, I just turned 16 and I’m from a shitty small town in southern us.
I’m pretty into sewing and embroidery! I draw, but not very often anymore !! I collect a lot of dead shit ! + I love to bake !!
My favorite band is AJJ !! I love all sorts of music but generally i have some rock/punk/ambient/folk tendencies ???

Thank you so much !!! Totally open to follow up questions !! ✨✨💗

Alright, pissfuckers, it's time to get fucking serious.

As a mountain man, you may not think I would be an artisan when it comes to anything that isn’t jacking off. WRONG. I fucking love scones. I bake that shit all the damn time. But today? My dong was tangled and I still haven’t recovered.

So there I was, about to add peaches to this grand ol’ scone mixture- but then the treacherous, ass fucking, son of a bitch bag of peaches was full of MOLD. Fuck that shit. Fuck it right in half.
God DAMN IT.

Well, guess what, dongfucks? I slid even further down the Slip n’ Schlong and twisted my dick. I thought, ‘Hey, I could fuck an apple and cinnamon scone recipe in half, sounds good.’ THE APPLES WERE FUCKING BAD TOO. Why the FUCK am I so bad at handling fruit? Fuck me.

I ended up making some plain ass scones and I am ready to just get fisted. I’m ready to get fucked in half since the universe has decided that that is my fate. Fuck fruit. Fuck scones. Fuck everything.

Also, NEVER BAKE IN A TOGA.

God fucking damn it.

mowortysmith  asked:

OOHG CAN I GET A IASIP SHIP,,,, im 5'0 and chubby, and i have like, medium length orange hair. im agender and i use they/them pronouns ! i like film and movies, and i'd actually like to direct movies when im older ! i like music a lot, and i play the ukulele and the keyboard ! i need attention 24/7 and lots of affection. im really needy abkfjs i also love to bake !!! lots of cakes and cookies and shit like that. im sleepy like 24/7 so i take lots of naps, and i love to cuddle !! thank u ! <3

Is this even a question? You x rat boi is already canon
I ship you with Charlie!!
- you direct short films together
- and preform together at Paddy’s to get more business
- he loves your baking and the gang is always jealous because he has cookies and they don’t
- he needs that Physical Affection so you get your fill of hugs and cuddles
- he calls you his rat king/queen (I don’t know a gender neutral term for it ;-;)

anonymous asked:

Can we talk about the fact that Baekhyun was literally born to have black hair? Express how you feel about his black hair because damn he looks fine with it (not that he didn't before)

I like how people now just send me questions that are like “discuss this pls” like some sort of essay prompt HAHAAHHA 

but well, i dO have a lot of emotions that I wish to express about fukcing BYUN BAEKHYUN’s BBLACK HAIR SO—- 

oka AY first of all wh WHAT 

SECOND OF ALL  WHAT ?!?!?!??!??! 

oh my fucking god okay we need to pause for asecond and break this the fuck down because three pictures in and my stomach already huRTS like a im getting some next level period cramps this is fuCKING RIDICULOUS.  

also baekhyun is the only boy i think looks fucking greAT in circle lenses lmfao IT GOES SO WELL WITH HIS HAIR IM 

I don’t get how someone could look so good with black hair like i jsut don’t get it, all of asia has black hair fucking byun baekhyun and you still look better than all of them combined holy shit what the fuck is this heresy ??? ?? ? ???  

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS WHITE AND BLACK BLAZER FOR A MOMENT BECAUSE IM SO FUCKING OFFENDED HOW THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHO THE FUCK WHY THE FLYING FRICKITY FUCK WOULD YOU PUT BYUN FUCKING BAEKHYUN IN A SUIT LIKE THAT ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE WHOS EVER REMOTELY LIKED HIM I AM REALLY REALLY HURT ABOUT THIS 

lets not even TALK about his fuKCING TONGUE HERE LETS. JUST. NOT. 

i have honestly never been so turned on by an asian boy with black hair. never. and that’s the god honest truth. 

-loud muffled wailing-

-mourning walrus noises-

-morally pained whale kreening- 

THE WAY HIS HAIR FALLS OVER HIS EYES go fuck yourself byun baekhyun and take your perfect fucking bangs and black hair with you before i strangle you with that roPE AROUND YOUR NECK 

every single part. on his black hair. looks. good. 

h o w 

but my favorite is his smooth bowl cut becAUSE WHEN HE GETS SWEATY IT STICKS TO HIS FACE AND I CRY MANY MANY TEARS OF BLOOD 

im physically heaving control your fucKIN EYEBROWS 

and yOUR WHOLE FACE PLEASE THANKS 

also just lokk at the way his dark hair falls over his beautiful skin and like it just frAMES his face so well?? ?? ? ?? and like accentuates how nice his skin is and his skin tone and the rest of his bEING ?!?!??!?! 

black hair baek is great in both BLACK AND WHITE and eVERY OTHER COLOR OF THE FUCKING RAINBOW 

there are too many things in this picture that i want to discuss and not enough time left in my life or the universe’s existence ho lY SHIT 

sweet sweet sweET BABY JESUS PLEASE HAVE MERCY IM JUST GONNA END IT BEFORE I END MY OWN LIFE