i lost my shit when i saw this book

Jamie Benn - Heartbreak Hotel

anon request: Hi love, please can you do a Jamie Benn one based off “Heartbreak Hotel” by Elvis. Thank you x

okay so i tried my best with this and the italic writings are flashbacks but i did have fun writing this i just don’t know if i wrote it how you wanted it. but i hope you enjoy this!!

requests are open!!

Originally posted by tsegs91

jamie. the only name i could think of right now. the only thing i could think of. he left me, it happened earlier today and now i sit in my apartment all alone thinking about what i could have done to stop him from walking out that door.

“y/n can i talk to you” jamie spoke quietly. i nodded and we took a seat on the couch. “what’s up babe?” i asked. we celebrated our year anniversary about a week ago. he opened his mouth to speak but no words came.

“this has to end” is all that came out of his mouth. “what has to end?” i asked straightening my posture, sitting up more. “us” is all he said. he got up and began walking but i grabbed his hand.

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Originally posted by tayeong




 (18+) CONTAINS: sex scene, blowjob

  This story talks about Taeyong’s scandal. I’m really sorry for him, since he apologized millions of times. He did mistakes in the past, like every single human in this world. No one is perfect, even idols. Change exist, and he already show it to us, he was really sorry when he was apologizing. FIGHTING TAEYONG!💖

 ❗️This story contains sexual references❗️

 "I’m okay babe..“ He whispered without even looking at me. It’s been months since people discovered Taeyong’s past scandal. And it’s been a while since he started acting like that.

 He was surrounded  of energy and positivity, but now, everything has changed. He debuted just few months ago, and he’s getting already all this hate. We are together for almost 3 years. I was there in his difficult trainee days, and supported him all this time.

 He puts lots of effort in everything that he does, but people only notice his mistakes. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t eat, he’s always sad, and he’s drinking soju all days.

 I tried everything to make him feel better, but nothing. And I feel so useless for him.

 "Can you buy me some soju?” He asked me.

 "You.. you’re drinking like crazy these days!” I yelled at him.

 “Babe.. I need it.” He said looking at me with those deep eyes.

  "I won’t let you hurt your self. You have work tomorrow, so you better-“ He interrupts me.

 ”Not now. I’m tired y/n, and I’m not in the mood to hear you yelling at me, please.. babe..“ He said.

 "If you’re tired, then rest. It’s almost 1am, and you have to get up early tomorrow!” I said. I hate when I do the part of the ‘old mama’ that yells at his son to teach him discipline. 

 “I said not now!” He stands up with eyes full of anger. Maybe I shouldn’t talk with him like this, but if he continues like that, he will feel worse.

 “It’s for you Taeyong!” I yelled. I hate when we argue. 

 “SHUT UP!” He said yelling louder throwing all the books on the table.

 My ears are breaking, I’m scared. Who’s that person in front of me..? I’ve never saw him like that. Where are his words of wisdom? Where is all that positivity that he used to have..?! I fell in the soft carpet of our small apartment. 

 He seems worried now: “Babe I’m sorry.. I didn’t meant to..” 

 "No.. don’t..“ I said, still scared. He wasn’t him. All those hate changed him.

 He sat in the sofa again, cooling down: ”Everyone hates me now. Why did I do all these trainee years?! For this?! No. I know that I made that mistake. But everyone make  mistakes… I’m a human..“ His tears started to fall from his eyes. 

 He’s right. He was not conscious at that age.. And he spent almost half of his life training to become an idol, and all that he’s getting now is hateful comments on sns and people that are insulting him. 

 As I stand up, I sat near him, patting his shoulder gently. 

 ”It’s going to be alright babe.. They will forget this. Like they forgot every single rumor of any Kpop idol..“ I said before kissing him in the forehead, I can see him right now, he’s destroyed.

 "I was so immature back then.. I was like.. 13..” He looked at me again with those teary eyes.

 “Look at me” I said standing in front of him.

 “It’s going to be alright. I promise. You didn’t train all these year for nothing. You have talent, you have many fans that loves you. And, you have me, always.”I said stroking him gently.

 "I can’t promise you anything.. Sometimes words hurts more than action, and they’re destroying me, slowly..“ He said.

 ”You can’t give up after all the effort you put into it. Your members trust you, I trust you. You’re the leader, you can’t leave them like that.“ I said.

 He suddenly kiss me, a quick kiss, but full of meaning for me.

 "Let’s go to sleep” He said closing his eyes.

  “We’re on the sofa babe, let’s go to the bedroom” I said. Too late. He was already sleeping. 

He falls asleep fast. I lay next to him, putting my head on his shoulders, trying to fall asleep too. I hope that his situation will got better. He’s not him anymore, those hate comments destroyed and changed him. 

 I silently kiss his cheeks before falling asleep in his arms. 

 8:30 am

I yawned like there’s no tomorrow and looked around.

 Taeyong is not here anymore, he was supposed to woke up at 5am for his busy schedules.

 Sm are overworking him so much. I just want all of this shit to get resolved and go to a trip, just me and him. He left a post-it in the fridge: “Goodmorning. Here’s some pancakes for you” I looked around and saw a plate full of pancakes dipped with Nutella and strawberries on the top. 

 He’s sweet. But when he lost control and get angry, he’s a little bit aggressive, he has lots of mood changes. I don’t have to exit to go to my work. I’m working on a famous fashion site online, and that’s pretty good, because I’m lazy. 

 Our house is a really mess. Books everywhere on the floor, our kitchen table is full of empty soju bottles, and plus, Taeyong dirty clothes are on the floor along with the books. That boy seriously.

 I started to clean out messy apartment, and do the laundry before starting with work. 

 "Fiu..“ I sighed. Finally I’m done with all that cleaning thing.

 I turned on my computer, to get started. I opened my browser page, and.. Taeyong’s scandal news are everywhere, along with hate comments. Without any hesitation, I take a look.

 "What an asshole" 

"Why is he even an idol right now? he doesn’t deserve it!”


 "Sm accepts anyone these days, seriously.” 

 There are lots of hate comments, but his fans are defending him too. 

 “Y'all don’t know what is going on. You don’t know anything about him, so why judging him like that? He changed, everyone can do that. Everyone do mistakes, because we’re all humans, and he’s a human too. A human who makes mistakes and get hurt if you continue to insult him like that. He was immature back then, for you, a 13 year old boy can think about the consequences? no. Leave him alone.” I commented replaying at those hateful comments.

 After that, I went to my site and started to do my things.

 7:30 pm 


  "…What..?“ I said as I opened my eyes. Ugh, I fell asleep, and my phone is ringing like crazy.

 "Yes..?” I answered still asleep.

 “Babe!” It’s Taeyong.

 "Hey babe.. are you okay?“ I said.

 "Yeah, I guess. We will be at home at 8.30 pm with Ten. So, how about cooking a dinner for three?” He asked. 

 "Sure thing babe" I said smiling. 

 "You seem happier now" I added. 

 "Yes, I’m little bit happier than before. I talked with my members and they supported and cheered me. They need me, and I can’t be a bad example for them, especially for the younger ones, I have to be mature. It’s thanks to them, but mostly thanks to you that I feel better. The words that you said yesterday made me think about the whole situation. You were right, as always. That’s why I’m lucky to have you" He said. 

 I don’t know how to react. He’s good with words and leave me speechless every time.

 “I didn’t want you to feel bad, I did it because i love you, and you’re important to me”  I answered.

 "I love you too babe. Just wait for me.“ He said coughing after the sentence. He hangs out.

 I get off the bed and started to cook some easy dishes. The last time I cooked I almost burned the house.

 While cooking, I hear the  sound of the keys locking the door, it’s Taeyong, for sure.

 "Hey!” I said as the two entered the apartment.

 “Hey y/n!” Ten said.

 Taeyong is smiling.. I love the way he smiles. And I missed that smile so much, it’s been awhile. 

“Tae, mind if I get some sleep? I’m tired right now” Ten said. 

 "But the dinner it’s almost ready" Taeyong answered. 

 "I will eat later. I’m just too tired right now" Ten said.

 "Okay, bro" Ten entered in our bedroom.

 "So.. babe, I wanted to thank you again" Taeyong said approaching me. 

 “For what babe? That was nothing. I just wanted you to be yourself again" I said smiling.

 He gets closer to me, by hugging me from the back.

 "Taeyong-ah! I’m cooking” I said. 

 "I will give you a rewind for making me happy, again.“ He whispered with his deep voice. 

 ”Not now, Ten is..“ 

 "Shh” He interrupted me. 

 "Babe.. what are doing..?“ I said as I feel his hands grabbing my ass cheek.

 "It’s been awhile since the last time we did it, huh?” he whispered again. 

 Now, his hands are touching my sensible womanhood. “Oh..” I moaned softly as he found my clit.

 "Already wet babe?“ He said smirking.

 He stopped, and turned me around, to make me look at him. He started to kiss me, while unbuttoning my blouse.

 ”Here..?“ I asked with a low voice.

 ”Yes, here“ He said as he pushed me on the wood table.

 ”.. Taeyong, why on the table.. we have to to eat here" I said nervously.

 “You have to relax babe, you did that for me, and now it’s time for me to thank you for what you’ve done.” He said looking at my eyes. He throw off my bra, and started to kiss me again, while playing with my nipples.

 "Taeyong-ah.. I’ve missed you too..“ I said. 

 ”You missed this?“ He said pressing his member to my womanhood.

 My hands are moving alone, and started to grab his hard crotch. I have a pervert side too.

 "You want it so bad huh..?” He said with a sexy voice. I started to unbutton his skinny jeans, I can feel his erection already.

 "You are so excited to fuck me babe" I said teasing him. I threw away his pants, and he kept pressing his dick on my vagina.

 "Let’s see how you taste today“ He said after he stops to kiss me.

 I still have pants on, so, he threw them away, leaving me only with panties. "You don’t need them” he said before throwing away my panties too.

 As his tongue touches my wet womanhood, all my bad thoughts and stress disappear. It’s only me and him now. He sucks my sensible clit while fingering me with his long finger.

 "Ahh.. Taeyong-ah..“ I moaned. 

 "Shh” He said biting his lips. God, I forgot that Ten can hear. 

 I’m trying to resist, I can’t moan anymore. So I have to enjoy this pleasure quietly. He inserts another finger, surprising me: “Ah!” I yelled. I couldn’t help myself.

 "I love how you are trying to moan silently..“ He said as he started to play with his member.

 He gets up, and took off his boxer, finally. I’m biting my lips without even realizing.

 "Eat it.” He said. I obey him, and started to lick the top of his bulge. After awhile, I put my hand around it and started to do a blowjob for my boyfriend.

 He’s trying hard too to contain himself.

 I stopped, and he pushed me on the table again, making me lay down on the hard wood. He suddenly put his crotch inside of me, moving it slowly.

 We are both trying hard. We shouldn’t be noisy. He’s enjoying this moment silently, with soft and low moans. He’s moving faster and faster, every time deeper.

 "I’m coming..“ He said whispering in my ears.

"Me too babe” I said exhausted. 

 We came together, and released loud moans, without knowing it. The pleasure was too much.

 "I loved the my rewind, boss“ I said.

 He smiled: 

 SHIT. That’s Ten’s voice. God. Taeyong raises his head slowly, seeing his friend.

 "Ten..” Taeyong said embarrased.

 “Okay! I will act like I didn’t see anything!” He said as he closed the door, he must be shocked, because he hasn’t got any experience with love. 

 "Babe.. we should clean it well before eating on it again“ Taeyong said laughing with embarrassement.



WHAT TIME IS IT IT’S UPDATED BOOK REC LIST TIME FUCK YEAH! Alright so I’ve recced quite a few of these before, primarily here and here, but I’m just gonna relist all the stuff I’ve read and found worthwhile here anyway, because updated lists are great. This is three goddamn pages in Word, so I’m gonna put it under a cut to spare your dashes because I’m nice like that you are all welcome. Under the cut: over a dozen book recs with rambly occasionally-capslocky reviews for most of them. All book titles link to the book’s Amazon page. Buy them. Be scholarly. You don’t need food. Updated 07-21-15; “buy or borrow” notes added!

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So This Thing Happened 🙃

Notes: This post took fecking ages because 1) my brother decided that midnight was the best time to finish his assignments and took over the PC. 2) the safari webpage crashed twice and I lost 2 paragraphs every fecking time. 3) I’m not writing things in order and keep adding to paragraphs Also the italics is me being weird and awkward. 

Sooo, I very fortunately, had booked the day off on the Monday and Tuesday when i saw a tweet from Amazon about an Outlander thing in London, I basically didn’t get off twitter or my emails till I saw the reply (I don’t really tweet apart from political stuff like petitions to point out to the government they need to get their shit together but I digress).

Anyway, I managed to get a seat right at the front  (I know right?! How’d that happen?)

The x in the background was where Caits chair was and Sams was just where the girl in the background’s coat/bag was so they were both so close !

When the trailer came on, yeah it was the same old trailer everyone has watched a bazillion times but seeing it on a big screen made me want to watch very episode in a cinema screen ; SO EPIC. (if only they did special episode screenings like they do for DW and Sherlock sigh)

The Q and A 

(I should say that when they came in after the trailer I was super giddy and starstruck that i kinda forgot i had a pen and notebook in my hand to take notes whoops!🙊)

OK so the questions were kinda same; except that Sam and Cait talked a bit more about spoilery aspects like Faith. And talked about how they deal with such serious storyline. I think some others have talked about what Sam and Cait said about next season (maybe). One thing I noticed was when Sam was telling us things he probably shouldn’t say Cait would just give him a look and Sam would drift off and be all ‘OK I’m gonna stop talking now’ which was just too cute ^-^

Photos and Signings 

So queueing up i made a friend in the line who was very shy and nervous just like me and she had never met them before though I think she tried to at SDCC. so we both chatted a little about the books and the show and as we got close to the front, we were both getting more and more nervous (OMG 😱 OMG). I was basically awestruck about how tall Cait looked and how amazingly beautiful she is. (I made small Snapchat Video in the queue but my PC is being an asshat so soz about that) 

When I was in the queue with my LineBuddy. I saw that Sam had just finished talking to a fan and Cait was still signing a pile of photos still and book [i actually think it might have been Roma?] Sam looked over at Cait and was jokingly telling Cait to hurry up and rolling his eyes at her ^~^ 

So when it was my turn i was (Still?! 😏 shh Aish pls ! ) going on about how tall she is and FYI I’m roughly 5ft so I was pretty overwhelmed.

Cait & Sam

She was so friendly and she asked me questions like where I was travelling from (I live in Charlton which is near the O2 arena in London) i think she was trying to put me at ease because she could tell i was so nervous. I managed to ask her about her day and whether any of her interviews involved coming on British television but alas there were none ☹️. Just as I was about to leave I realised I had to give the cupcakes I had bought earlier (Irish cupcake for Cait because I adhere to stereotype when I meet famous people 😏and red velvet for Sam). She was really pleased and said thank you. She jokingly said she’d better hide these from Sam then showed him the cupcakes anyways. He said thanks and included it in my autograph ☺️  The cupcakes should have been a good Segway into conversation with Sam but coherent sentences failed me. I may have said cupcakes a few times (🙄Great job Aish) I got my photo taken again so star struck and just stood there like a dead fish. (I’d like to go die now)

jonathan spoilers & mr uncomfortable revelations
  • My favorite character was Childermass’s hat. I think it can sing and prophesy the future, and that he fished it out of whatever they had instead of a garbage dump in the early 19th century (“the street”?). I’ve named it George, and I’m waiting anxiously to see what it will do next.
  • Watching Gilbert Norrell slide out of a party to climb a long, winding staircase and smell a book was literally the highlight of my entire life.
  • I suspected that I would have an inexcusable amount of sympathy for television!Norrell when I saw him in the trailers, because actors, but I was unprepared for my extreme levels of attachment to him in the show. I was really mad at Childermass for letting him go into that party alone. Shave yourself and pretend to be his long-lost brother or something, you ice-cold bitch! He can’t handle that shit by himself!!! HE IS SO SMALL, CAN’T YOU SEE HOW SMALL HE IS. SO SMALL. SO PRECIOUS. PROTECT HIM, HE IS TOO STUPID TO PROTECT HIMSELF.
  • Speaking of which: I don’t want to love you, Jonathan Strange, you are an arrogant pig. Please stop being handsome and emotionally pathetic (a deadly combination) on my television screen, and please also contrive to remain clothed at all times. There are some things I don’t want to know about myself.
  • The struggle not to accidentally call Bertie Carvel “Bertie Wooster.”
  • Serious Talk That Is Serious: Peter Harness juggled the two characters’ biographies around so that their personalities could be seen as reactions to their circumstances, just like people, which makes their forthcoming terrible behavior an expression of human failure as much as it is a comment on the generalized badness of their culture of origin. Just like people. What are you doing, Peter Harness. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. I JUST WANTED TO LOOK AT THE RAVEN KING, NOT REEVALUATE MY LIFE.
  • Unexpected levels of BAMF from Paul Kaye as Vinculus, whose madness is transitory and manipulative, and whose appearance correlates pretty specifically with The Fool of the tarot. Which is absolutely amazing. (Perhaps he knows something about the cards himself?)
  • I was surprised by Drawlight, who wore a frilly pink thing and was clearly intended to be “gay,” and by Lascelles, who had unexpectedly beautiful dark eyes and a bad case of resting bitchface. I like them, but they’re very different from the book, and they reminded me heavily of Dickens rather than Clarke. (It’s okay, though – I really do think they’re great as stand-alone characters, and I think they’re well-fitted for the tasks that await them.)
  • I did not care for the portion of the Gentleman that was served in Sunday’s episode. While the character certainly brought with him an almost palpable air of cold wind blown through a door that opens upon another world, his appearance suggested no hint of the malicious delight for which Clarke’s fairies are famous. Also his green suit looked goofy. I’ve nothing against the actor, who did a very good job & is certainly very beautiful, but I didn’t like that part at all. I also didn’t like the way he was brought in – as though he’d been hiding in the closet all afternoon and was only pretending to be a fairy for Norrell’s benefit. (That sentence looks terrible, but you know what I mean.) Perhaps it will all coalesce into something more materially uncomfortable in the next episode?
  • Stephen Black projected the specific air of calmness and competence that I remember from the novel. He had like two lines to do it in, though.
  • Childermass was just Childermass; I didn’t even react to him as if he were a character. I thought the actor who played him was way too young and pretty when he was first cast, but I didn’t want to be a jerk about it. But it turns out that Enzo Cilenti has some quiddity of Childermassness about himself – or he is such a talented actor that he wears the character closer than a suit of clothes – and it is impossible to interrogate his identity. He’s just Childermass. Hi, Childermass! Sorry I called you an ice-cold bitch! 
  • The ability of all the actors to communicate a great deal of emotional context with almost no room to maneuver is amazing. I am so, so happy the series didn’t come out of Hollywood, you have no idea.
  • It was perhaps the most gorgeous show I’ve ever watched. The shot of the York Minster in the snowy darkness was beyond breathtaking.
  • The sequence of the Stones of York was both larger and smaller than it had been in my imagination. I think it was done very well, but it was much more “scary" than I’d thought it would be. And dark. And scary.
  • It was so beautifully-written, you have no idea. And more even than the competent poetry of the plot itself, I thought the show emphasized everything that was most important while painting just enough detail into the background to give the story depth, rather than obscure its action. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell is without question the best adaptation of any novel to film that I have ever seen. At first, I was congratulating myself very egoistically on being a great reader who picked up on all the important stuff – but I think it’s really just that Clarke is such a talented writer that the important stuff is available to anybody who cares to look for it. And Peter Harness is a really talented screenwriter, good job sir.
  • It is possibly worthwhile to point out that the first few episodes will cover the most mundane parts of the book – the frame and the glass – and they were fantastic. Imagine what it will be like when Strange is enveloped in darkness, or when the nameless slave finally becomes king in a strange land, or even seeing the endless dreary parties of Lost-hope. I can’t do it! The show is beating my imagination.
  • The credits said “based on the book by Susanna Clarke,” as though it may or may not have been a novel. ♥︎
  • I am delighted that my decade-long monomaniacal obsession with the Raven King is going to pay off, and I’m sorry for doubting everyone.
  • Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, Episode 1: The Friends of English Magic: A