i lose alot

@shatteredfang |  

    |     ♪    She hadn’t been expecting the smile nor the gratitude but if she could somehow ease the weight on someone’s shoulder, if she could make them smile, even if only for a moment then that had been all she truly needed. 

    Pleased with the outcome of her little approach, the pianist could only smile back for a moment before her gaze shifted to the crashing waves once again. ❝ The world directs enough pain at us on its own already, don’t you think? ❞ she would speak in her usual singsong voice. ❝ It would be a shame if we ended up directing it at ourselves as well. 

    Words, she realized were easier spoken than achieved as she too understood what it meant to carry the weight of the world on one’s shoulders but she also wished to lift it off other people.

    She was curious of his words, displaying evident intrigue as he noted of the good and terrible things life throws their way — it seemed perhaps, she had it all wrong and he had an even better understanding of the way things worked than she, herself did. Maybe, she was the one in need of his help, than the other way round.

    ❝ No.. I’m the one that should thank you — I’m going to keep those words in mind.. ❞ pausing to consider for a moment, the seriousness of the conversation would seem to shift as he mentioned his encounters with ‘weirdos’, soft giggles bubbling through her lips. ❝ I think we’re all a little weird on the inside.

Im just saying this now.

I might lose alot of things tomorrow. Such as tumblr. I just want everyone to know that I love you all. And if I do lose tumblr, I regret nothing because I helped save a life. I’ll try to tell everyone my fate, but don’t scared if I don’t get on tomorrow. This isn’t anyone’s fault (If it’s anyone’s its my dad’s).
Love you all. This isn’t a suicide note btw, my dad’s just really strict.

Once again!!!!! Another Goth picture!!! I actually drew one with pen but…….I feel like posting this one first…..and I lost that one. Welp, I lose alot of stuff Soooooo.

Welp, I hope ya enjoy!! And hasn’t this been like….my…3rd style change for Goth? I’m pretty sure it is hehe!!!!! Also, I think this’ll be my style for Goth for now on because it’s so cute!!! And I almost lost this today because when I had finished my friend stole it from me and said she was gonna keep it!!! And nope! She’ll never steal this precious art!!!

Goth by: @nekophy

All i want right now is for gamzee to be shown. Hes been in that fridge for so  long and he hasnt spoken ever since he snapped out of his mind control. im so tired of this

I hate how everyone is jumping into conclusions right away. Its obvious that louis is unhealthy at the moment. But immediately spreading things like he’s on drugs or cuts himself makes me mad. We dont know wether something serious is the reason why louis is so skinny or if he just doesnt notices it. Sometimes i lose or gain alot of weight too without being sad or on drugs, I simply do not notice it. All we know for sure is that his body isnt healthy at the moment, but is it really so hard for some people to just wish for louis to be healthy again instead of making a hashtag trending worldwide saying he needs to stop drinking??

My life as a transexual, Pt. 7


Continuation of my life story:

I now had a place where I could take of the mask that I constantly had to wear and someone who actually accepted what I had been living with in shame for all these years. So far the reactions I’ve had were split 50/50 so I still wasn’t sure if I should come out to more people and how they would react.
So I just kept going like that for quite some time, life still was alot easier and part of my burden were taken away.
But I still was worried that no one else would ever accept me and that the whole truth would’ve been to much. As I’ve said, all she knew was that I liked crossdressing, not that I was in fact transsexual. Since I was afraid of losing her I kept this to myself.
When I opened up to her about all this it was because I felt like I had nothing to lose. but this time it could’ve crushed my hopes of being accepted again if I were to be rejected.

In the end the uncertainty became to much for me, I had to know if this really was so disgusting and wrong as I had been taught that it was.
I felt like I had alot to lose if the next person were to find it reject it, but not knowing was way worse.
Luckily enough the next person I told also gave me positive respons and I now had one more place where I could actually be a bit more like myself and where I had someone to talk to.
Still, no one knew the whole truth, but atleast now the majority of the people that I had told that I enjoyed crossdressing had been positive.

Now the question was whether or not I had just been lucky with the people that I had told about this. But the feeling that I would be disgusting and all that was not as strong anymore.
So I told a few more people that weren’t as close to me, since I wouldn’t be as devestated if the left, and something that I never would’ve hoped for happened.
ALL the people that I told it about were accepting and supporting me.

It was alot to take in. The image that I had made up about all this and that I had thought was proven true the first time I told someone all of a sudden seemed to in fact be false.
It would seem that the majority of the people around me had no problem what so ever with it. My whole world was turned up side down, for the better. I was now thinking about whether or not I should tell someone the whole truth. From my point of view I felt like being transsexual was a bigger thing than being an transvestite.
What I see nowadays is that it seems to be more accepted being transsexual than being an transvestite for some reason though, but I didn’t know about any of that back then.

Anyway, I kept telling people until I had told almost everyone and no one reacted negatively again, most even though that it was kind of cool.
Then the day came when I actually told someone the whole truth for the first time.
I was drunk, depressed and for some reason I felt that I just had to tell someone. I had to know if the people that were okay with me crossdressing actually could accept the fact that I didn’t just want to dress like a girl, but that I wanted to be / was one. She accepted it, no questions asked. She told me that I should’ve told her sooner and I could tell that she was feeling bad for me.
So, I got confirmed that this wasn’t ‘worse’ than what people already knew, I finally had someone that I could talk to about all this and I got more support than I ever could’ve imagined.
She helped me to actually start being myself and to not care about what anyone were to say about it.

This led to me telling everyone that knew that I enjoyed crossdressing the whole truth, and got about the same reaction from everyone.
This proved that there never were anything wrong with me, that I never were disgusting. I got alot of support and I could finally leave all my shame behind.
I was now open about being transsexual and everyone except my parents knew about it, since I knew that atleast they would not approve of it.

That’s it for now!