i looked like an idiot taking pictures of these outside on my ipad

[Mark] Racing Hearts (Chapter 1)

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Reno, Nevada’s third biggest city. Yet it’s still so small to me. It’s a sunny as Telavi, but far safer, and it feels more like home to me. Which is strange because I don’t recognize any of the landscape I’m passing through. I realize just how long I’ve been away. Ten years and I feel like being in another city; It’s home but it’s not. Everything has changed, nothing to remind me of what I left here. That’s perfect. It’s another new start; it’ll help me, for sure.

The racing track has changed too. Became all fancy and stuff. I’m not even sure uncle Kameron still works here, haven’t talked to him in years. I’ve been away and cut all ties with my old life for a while. Not that I became bitter or anything, uncle Kam knows I love him. I just needed a pause, a really long one, and they all gave it to me.

The race track looks like the ones you’d find in bigger cities, in France or England. It makes me forget it’s in a 250 000 citizen city. It looks like it was custom-made for a race car superstar. Wow.

“Look at her!” Uncle beams at me, his eyes getting smaller, his face wrinkly and old and beautiful. He’s dressed in his usual black, dirty overalls and a white T-shirt. He lost weight. A lot of it. I preferred him chubby, he was like a big teddy bear. He looks so much older now; I can’t believe I missed out so much.

I smile back at him, spreading my arms wide open for him. He takes me in his arms as the old crew closes in. He’s warp and he smells like cars. I missed him. We hug for a long moment before he lets me go.

“What a tan. Vacations do you good, Siv.” He says proudly, his big hands cupping my face effortlessly. Vacations, he says. Vacations.

“Thank you, Kam.” I reply, taking his hand and kissing the back of it. His eyes are all smiley; he looks happy; my heart is all warm.

“How are you doing, my darling?” He asks softly. The others are listening as well.

“Good.” I reply, honestly. He smiles but says nothing. “Really, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” He says before kissing my cheek. When he retreats, Xavier takes a step forward and squeezes me in his big arms. He’s got older too, but gained weight. He, who I used to call slender man, is in fact a teddy bear.

“Xav.” I say happily, returning his hug. He pulls back and pats my head with both hands in an adoring manner, but his face isn’t smiling.

“If you’re not sure, you can still cancel everything. I’ll talk to Isaac, he’ll take me back, we can wait another season.” He says, and he’s almost pleading. Does he think I’ve left my home of ten years, traveled all these miles just to decide not to do anything?

“Xav, you left your foal for me. I’m not letting you down now.” I declare, putting a hand on his shoulder. He gives me a stern look.

“You were always my foal, Sivan. But don’t do this for me, do it for you.” He murmurs.

“I’ll be fine, Xav.” I moan, not needing to hear the rant he’s been serving me for a week ever since I called to say I was coming back. Closing the subject, I go and hug the other crew members, Elijah, Ronny and Sam. They’ve all aged nicely.

“I’ll go change myself.” I say when we’re done with the hugging and kissing. They all wave at me as I turn on my heels towards the lockers, refraining my trembling legs from running. In my locker, I find a brand new suit. The leather smells like fresh start. It’s white and red, and fits like a glove. I had forgotten just how empowering a racing suit was.  Everything has become unfamiliar. I pick up my helmet. It’s really light, surprisingly. I don’t want something that light protecting my brain. Unsure, I bang it on the floor, and it doesn’t break.

Things sure have changed in ten years.

 I tie my hair in a ponytail, tuck mu super light yet super solid helmet under my arm and walk out towards the track. Outside, I’m welcomed by the crew under a rain of confetti, clapping and happy whistles. A crowd on fire.

“You guys are the worst.” I laugh, but secretly love it. Uncle Kam snaps a picture, holding up his IPhone 7 I’m sure he doesn’t know how to use.

“You look good, Siv.” He tells me while blinding me with flash. In bright daylight. Xav comes up to me, smiling, and zips me up completely.

“How does it feel?” He asks, putting his hands on his hips. I stretch the fabric a little.

“Warm.” I shrug. My heart is eating fast. I can’t believe I’m doing this. “Where’s my car?” I ask impatiently.

“Eli!” Kameron shouts, and I hear the loud roar of an angry engine. I look to the left and see, slowly pulling up at my level, A dark blue Kyosho TS020. It was repainted, I can see that, and there are a few bumps here and there, but it makes the same noise as a purring Lion.

“It’s…” I say, almost choking on my own words, my mouth hanging open in disbelief.

“It took us a while but we managed to put it back together.” Kam says proudly while Elijah gets out of the car.

“And we kept it, waiting for you to come back.” He beams at me. My heart warms and cools at the same time. I’m so happy they rebuilt it, but at the same time I hate it. Rings back too much memories I’ve tried to forget.

“Of course, we changed everything that wasn’t within the standards. It’s a brand new car in the body of the old one.” Elijah ads, leaning against the old jewel. Wow.

“I don’t want it.” I snap, because there is no way this could take me anywhere.  “I don’t want to drive this junk heap. Give me your best car.”

“This is our-“

“No, this is bullshit!” I raise my voice. Everything goes silent around me. Everyone has these wide, surprised eyes, expect Kameron; His eyes are disappointed. It’s like he wasn’t even hoping at the first place.

“I’m here to move on, for fuck’s sake!” I remind them. When my eyes start to feel cold, I turn away from them, realizing there are tears in my eyes. There is no fucking way I’m crying on my first day. If I can’t make it today, then I won’t be able to make it at all, and they are trying to ruin it.

“Sivan-“

“I’m fine.” I snap, letting my tears dry. “Don’t try to make me a wimp, Kameron.” I mutter, turning back around. Uncle looks sad.

“I’m not a crybaby.” I tell everyone.

“No, but you’re human.” Kameron says quietly. I’m not human, I’m a driver.

He sighs and gets in the car, bringing it back to the garage, and comes back a few moments later, driving a crystal clear diamond.

“Bugatti Veyron.” I say to myself, watching the soft beast slowly making its way to me. This is definitely something. I put my helmet on.

The interior is as comfortable as a freaking cloud. Everything is soft and squishy. Wow.

I start the engine and go for a parade lap, zig zagging to heat the tires and test their adhesion. The acceleration is so smoot, I can’t explain it.

“Nice.” I say to myself.

“Don’t try to get crazy just yet.” Xav’s voice rings inside the car. They must have taken place in the booth on the top floor. “Get used to her.”

“Got it.” I reply.

I can’t help but tell myself that if everything feels so new to me, it’s because I’ve left tracks years ago, because my passion stole my happiness. Because, I’m scared to drive again.

“How is it going, Sivan?” This time, it’s Elijah speaking.  “Sivan?”

“She’s easy.” I reply, continuing to zig zag, and the ride gets smoother and smoother. I pick up a little bit of speed. I don’t know if I love speed anymore. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.

I hear a noise. The sharp noise of a car coming from afar, another beast roaring behind me.

“Woah, woah, woah, Sivan!” Someone shouts in the mic. I swing the while to the right to close in on the fence while the other car barely misses me. When I realize I’m going to collide with the fence, I swing to the left and push on the brakes, and my car drifts and spins for a moment before coming to a stop.

I open my eyes, breathless and shocked, but not hurt. I’m alive. And I can’t believe this happened on my first day back on the tracks. Fuck! My heart is racing. Who’s the idiot who wen 200 mph while I was at 40? I unbuckle my seat and open the door, my legs feeling wooly. I push myself out of the car and take my helmet off to try and find the fucker who almost killed me.

“Who the fuck did this?!” I yell, throwing my helmet to the floor. I look around and find the car in question parked on the side of the road. There is a man in a dark blue racing suit who is taking his helmet off.

“Hey!” I call. The guy is some young Asian guy with dark brown hair and an arrogant face.

“You almost killed me, you bag of shit!” I shout at him. He hands his helmet over to some tall brunette without looking at her.

“The track is mine during this schedule. You’re not supposed to be here.” His tone is condescending, arrogant, disregarding and irritating. His eyes travel up and down my figure as I stomp towards him.

“Whoever you are.” He mutters when I’m in front of him. I actually can’t believe my fucking ears.

“Yours?” I repeat, snorting. The guy ignores me. He ignores me. He nods towards the submissive brunette how show him an IPad without a words. I snatch in from her hands, forcing them both to actually notice me.

“You try that one more time, and I swear to god, I’ll run you over any chance I get.” I threaten him, seriously. I could kill him if he ever pulled another stunt like that. He blinks at me two times and turns to his brunette.

“Who the fuck is she?” He asks her. The tablet collides with his jaw before I proceed what has happened.

“Sivan!” I hear people calling from behind me. I’ve just punched him with an I pad. The device comes crashing onto the floor, breaking in three, and he stumbles to the side. I watch him, huffing and puffing, my heart still racing furiously from the adrenaline rush.

“My god!” The brunette cries with a-high-pitched voice. The guy straightens up, holding the side of his mouth where he now has a bleeding cut. He takes a look at his bloody fingers and glares up at me. Now the bastard knows me. With a motion of his bloody hand, he summons his slave and she hands him a towel while everyone closes in around us.

“This is the last fucking time you set a foot in here, you hear me?” He declares, surprisingly calmly, while taking a few face towards me so were nose to nose. Well, more like nose to chin. He’s trying to intimidate me; be I am on conquered land. This is my place, my moment, and I’m not fucking with him.

“I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you’re over.” He says to me. His confidence is overwhelmingly funny.  He really thinks he’s somebody.

“Yeah, you’ll get my own uncle to ban me from this place.” I mock, crossing my arms over my chest. The guy smirks and wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth.

“Kameron can’t ban you from this place.” He concurs. “It’s not his anymore.” He frowns, tilting his head to the side. My face falls as I turn around to look at my uncle for confirmation. At that moment, he lowers his head and looks at the ground, fidgeting with his rug. I turn back to Mr. asshole.

“You just punched the director.” He declares. I should have known his confidence came from somewhere. To a certain degree, he is somebody. And he stole my uncle’s race car school! He took my home from me. My blood starts to boil.

My fist collides with his cheek in a quick, mindful and I hope hard punch. Everyone gasps around me as the guy stumbles back. Hands grab my shoulders and pull me back as I try to come back at him and kick him in the balls.

“Bitch!” He curses, as two gorillas in a white T-shirt and black pants appear.

“Get her out of here!” He orders. The guy has security? What a freaking snob! If he thinks anyone is going to keep me away from my track, gorillas or not, he’s holding his breath and shoving his foot in his own ass.

-

“Who is he?” I grumble as Kameron places a bag of ice on my knuckles. We sit on the sidewalk in front of the school like two hobos. I’m still in my racing suit. He really did kick me out.

“Mark Tuan. US Champion twice in a row. He’s aiming for worlds this season.” Elijah says, emerging from inside with my bag swung over his shoulder.

“Don’t know him.” I mutter.

“You don’t know anything past 2007.” Uncle Kam snaps. Humph.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I declare, rising and grabbing my bag from Eli’s hand, the bag of eyes falling down to the ground. I swing it over my shoulders and walk back to my car.  Mark Tuna whatever… fucking douchebag.

“Where?!” Kameron calls after me. “You’re banned from here.”

I turn around to face him. Never in my life have I been so sure of the words that come of my mouth.

“This place is more mine than his. He’s never taking that away from me.”

anonymous asked:

Oh hello I'd love to hear about your weirdest dream and what you think it meant. Also, do you have Imposter Syndrome regarding Adulting? Because I do. Please send help.

This is a two part question I see!!

DREAM: To your question about dreams – I’ve had a lot of weird ones, and most of them are either game ideas, movie ideas, or comic ideas. One particularly fun one was a dream about waking up in my old childhood home. I walked around and looked at photos of myself as a youth, old toys I had, and the familiar surroundings (mind, it wasn’t actually me, and the home was somewhere I’d never been, but you know, dreams). 

It was your typical white-walled suburban home, rough piled beige carpet, those crappy stucco-like styrofoam bumps on the ceiling panels. The photo leaning on a tiny stand above the barely-used fireplace was of me at age 5, sandwiched into the frame by my two smiling parents’ faces.

I walked out to the wooden front porch, with its faded white paint and my parents were there, in rocking chairs on either side of the door. “Did you sleep well?” they asked. “Not bad,” I said. I leaned on one of the porch’s pillars for a moment, breathing in the fresh air, and watching the scant cars go by beyond the lawns of this suburban neighborhood.

Then I felt something – I looked up to the left. The sun should’ve been there, but there was this curious spot of red. The spot got bigger. And bigger. The red seemed to take everything that wasn’t red away, leaving only itself. It subsumed everything, even the sound. It all happened so fast, I had no time to do anything. But look briefly at my parents, who hadn’t noticed a thing, before we were consumed in red.

Then, blankness for time. Slowly though, I woke up. I was in my old childhood home. The photos were above the mantle. My parents were outside on the porch. It was 5 minutes before I had gone out onto the porch, moments ago. I knew something was going to happen. 5 minutes later, the red consumed everything again, but this time I noticed a bus leaving town, full of identically-dressed people. I noticed the gridlocked highway in the distance. The red consumed it all.

I woke up again. This time I rushed to the porch to tell my parents, “get up! That thing is coming! How are you sitting here?” “What are you talking about?” they said. “Did you sleep okay?”

I went out into the street to try to get someone to listen – but I was the only one who knew it was coming.

When the red reset the world again, or maybe it was me who was resetting, I decided I had to do something. I set straight out to find an exit. To figure out if something was up with that bus. I rushed out into the completely gridlocked highway to see how far I could run on foot before it arrived. Moments before the red was about to arrive, a woman got out of her car. She looked me in the eyes and said “I want to kiss someone before I die again. I guess you’ll do.” She knew what was coming too — 

For the rest of the story, well, I dreamed that much, and I’ll write the rest. I just haven’t yet! I’d like to some day! So when you ask what I think it means, I think it means I want to write more cool stuff.

IMPOSTER: I do not have imposter syndrome for anything! I know you asked about adulting, and frankly there are times when I don’t do so hot, but so long as you continue to be alive without being mean to other people, you’re doing great.

But I want to talk a little bit more about imposter syndrome in general, because people talk about it a lot. I really don’t believe in it, because every single human being is a human being. Think about it! Every famous person, every homeless person, every attractive person you’re scared to go on a date with, they’re all regular human idiots just like you.

Consider Notch, the creator of the game Minecraft. He became a millionaire in a very short time, and he was a kind of isolated nerd in sweden before that happened. Suddenly he couldn’t tell whether people wanted to hang out with him because they thought he was a cool guy, or because he had money, or because he’s a little bit famous, or because they want something. That would be so alienating! 

It’s like… if you had a really cool way of wearing your socks. And you started to get some notice for it because hey, you can do a thing with your socks that other people can’t. But then word gets around a bit, and then you’re just having a conversation with someone your friend introduced you to and they keep caaaaasually glancing down at your ankles.

So yeah, Notch is a prime example of someone who is “just a dude,” and around whom nobody should feel imposter syndrome, and yet they do!

Here’s another example. Once I was at a press event and met Jake Gyllenhaal. I’m just some jackoff who writes about video games, but Gyllenhaal had nobody to talk to, so I went up and started a conversation. We talked for a half hour, during which he asked me questions about my life and what I do. Aside from being briefly confused about my sexuality, I also realized that Gyllenhaal doesn’t get to talk to normal jackoffs who write about video games every day. My life is as foreign to him as his is to me. 

(Here’s a picture of us being best bros forever – this photo was taken right before his publicist said, “Hey, can we PLEASE get a photo of Jake with the iPad that you’re *not* in?” and I said “ha ha, never!!” realizing immediately that it was not funny that I had said that and that she was really mad at me.)

And hey, I realize that side anecdote adds to the thing. That lady wanted me to have imposter syndrome. She wanted me to be a gurgling fan she could embarrass for monopolizing his time. But what she didn’t realize is real human beings can have conversations with any other real human being, so long as they’re both present.

So all I’m saying is, you’re a real human being, and so is everybody else. Nobody has the right to say they’re better than you, and you don’t have the right to tell others you’re worse than they are. Everyone’s a human, just be nice and you’ll be cool.

-Brandon

aweekofsaturdays  asked:

I wish you would write a fic where.. AU Sciles just gets to love each other, I feel like they could use a happy moment rn :D Maybe a lil kissing too.

All right! This is a teacher!Scott, ITdude!Stiles AU, because I love the idea of Scott as a teacher. I suspect I am vastly overestimating an American High School’s IT budget, capabilities and endeavors. 

Key to Friendship (Scott/Stiles, G)

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I have 422 friends, yet I am lonely.
I speak to all of them everyday, yet none of them really know me.

The problem I have sits in the spaces between,
looking into their eyes, or at a name on a screen.

I took a step back, and opened my eyes,
I looked around, and then realised
that this media we call social, is anything but
when we open our computers, and it’s our doors we shut.

All this technology we have, it’s just an illusion,
of community, companionship, a sense of inclusion
yet when you step away from this device of delusion,
you awaken to see, a world of confusion.
A world where we’re slaves to the technology we mastered,
where our information gets sold by some rich greedy bastard.
A world of self-interest, self-image, self-promotion,
where we share all our best bits, but leave out the emotion.

We are at our most happy with an experience we share,
but is it the same if no one is there.
Be there for you friends, and they’ll be there too,
but no one will be, if a group message will do.

We edit and exaggerate, we crave adulation,
we pretend we don’t notice the social isolation.
We put our words into order, until our lives are glistening,
we don’t even know if anyone is listening.

Being alone isn’t the problem, let me just emphasize,
that if you read a book, paint a picture, or do some exercise,
you are being productive, and present, not reserved or recluse,
you’re being awake and attentive, and putting your time to good use.

So when you’re in public, and you start to feel alone,
put your hands behind your head, and step away from the phone.
You don’t need to stare at your menu, or at your contact list,
just talk to one another, and learn to co-exist.

I can’t stand to hear the silence, of a busy commuter train,
when no one wants to talk through the fear of looking insane.
We’re becoming unsocial, it no longer satisfies
to engage with one another, and look into someone’s eyes.

We’re surrounded by children, who since they were born,
watch us living like robots, and think it’s the norm.
It’s not very likely you will make world’s greatest dad,
if you cant entertain a child without a using an iPad.

When I was a child, I would never be home,
I’d be out with my friends, on our bikes we would roam.
We’d ware holes in our trainers, and graze up our knees;
we’d build our own clubhouse, high up in the trees.

Now the parks are so quiet, it gives me a chill
to see no children outside and the swings hanging still.
There’s no skipping or hopscotch, no church and no steeple,
we’re a generation of idiots, smart phones and dumb people.

So look up from your phone, shut down that display,
take in your surroundings, and make the most of today.
Just one real connection is all it can take,
to show you the difference that being there can make.
Be there in the moment, when she gives you the look,
that you remember forever, as when love overtook.
The time you first hold her hand, or first kiss her lips,
the time you first disagree, but still love her to bits.

The time you don’t need to tell hundreds, about what you’ve just done,
because you want to share the moment, with just this one.
The time you sell your computer, so you can buy a ring,
for the girl of your dreams, who is now the real thing.
The time you want to start a family, and the moment when,
you first hold your baby girl, and get to fall in love again.
The time she keeps you up at night, and all you want is rest,
and the time you wipe away the tears, as your baby flees the nest.

The time your little girl returns, with a boy for you to hold,
and the day he calls you granddad, and makes you feel real old
The time you take in all you’ve made, just by giving life attention,
and how your glad you didn’t waste it, by looking down at some invention.

The time you hold your wife’s hand, and sit down beside her bed
you tell her that you love her, and lay a kiss upon her head.
She then whispers to you quietly, as her heart gives a final beat,
that she’s lucky she got stopped, by that lost boy in the street.
But none of these times ever happened, you never had any of this,
When you’re too busy looking down, you don’t see the chances you miss.

So look up from your phone, shut down those displays,
we have a finite existence, a set number of days.
Why waste all our time getting caught in the net,
as when the end comes, nothing’s worse than regret.

I am guilty too, of being part of this machine,
this digital world, where we are heard but not seen.
Where we type and don’t talk, where we read as we chat,
where we spend hours together, without making eye contact.

Don’t give in to a life where you follow the hype,
give people your love, don’t give them your like.
Disconnect from the need to be heard and defined
Go out into the world, leave distractions behind.
Look up from your phone, shut down that display,
stop watching this video, live life the real way.

—  Gary Turk
The Media Speculates

Harry: “Here, let me take your rings today while I’m thinking about it,” Harry mentions, gathering his things off the kitchen counter to drop them in the bag of things he’s taking into the studio that day. Thinking nothing of it, you slip off the blush colored engagement ring and the matching wedding band and hand them over to your husband. The rings are a little too loose for your ring finger after loosing the baby weight and Harry has been meaning to take them to be resized for almost a month. You watch as he carefully drops them into the little baggie in his hand before he slips it into his wallet for safe keeping. “I’ll take them in on my way to the studio,” Harry assures you, grinning down at his two month old son before lifting the alert baby into his arms to cuddle him before leaving. “You be good for mommy, yeah? Daddy will miss you,” Harry coos, pressing several kisses to the baby’s forehead before he passes him back to you. “Have a good day babe, I’ll see you in a few hours,” you tell Harry, standing in the doorway to the garage as Harry sets his things in his brand new Audi. “Love you,” Harry says softly, lips pressed to yours and with a longing glance at you and his son he slides into his car and pulls out of the garage. When you leave the house just a few hours later, it never dons on you on how the image of you without your weddings would play out in the media circus that surrounds you and Harry. “Are Harry and Y/N splitting up? Sources say the couple, married only two short years, are on the verge of divorce. This comes just two months after Y/N gave birth to the couples first child, a baby boy,” the article your best friend sent you once you’d walked back into your house after returning from the grocery store. “Have you heard the news? Apparently we’re getting divorced,” Harry announces, dropping his bag onto the couch before checking on his son sleeping soundly in the bassinet a few feet from you. “I heard, all because I was spotted without my rings,” you respond, glancing up from the veggies you’d be chopping up for dinner. Harry snorts, leaning back against the center island while gazing down at his sleeping child. “Clearly, we’re through. I’m moving out to live with my top secret mistress I have no time to have or see,” Harry teases and you roll your eyes but smile. “What was that for?” You question, looking up from the stew you’d been stirring once Harry had pressed his lips to yours. “Just because, I love you,” Harry reminded you, as if you could ever forget.

Liam: “I feel super fat today,” you whine, turning every which way in front of the large mirror leaning against the bedroom wall. Liam looks up from the magazine in his lap and looks you over. “You don’t look any different to me,” he comments, looking back down to the motorcycle article he’d been reading. “Oi, what the fuck?” He shouts after one of your plush accent pillows smacks him in the face. “It doesn’t matter if I don’t look any different, I feel fatter,” you complain, glaring at his reflection in the mirror. “Why do you feel fat?” Liam questions, setting the magazine aside to give you his full attention while leaning back against the tuffed headboard you’d insisted (demanded) he purchase for your bedroom. “It’s the first day of my period, I feel extra bloated and fat,” you say off-hand, tugging the shirt you had on off in order to switch it out with a baggier top. “I thought you didn’t start for another two weeks?” Liam wondered aloud, counting the dates in his head from your last period. Liam was pretty good and remembering your cycle, and by pretty good you mean he knew it better than you. “Yeah well, shark week came early,” you groan, tugging a baggy sweater over your head and Liam chuckles. “Guarantee, the media will think I’m pregnant in this outfit,” you say, poised in the doorway of the bedroom ready to leave and Liam shrugs. “They’re usually always wrong, they’ll figure it out in a few months when you haven’t given birth yet,” he comments, already engrossed in his magazine again and you roll your eyes while leaving for your lunch date with your mom. As suspected, they’re are a few photographers surrounding the place when you and your mom are leaving the restaurant. You keep your head down and don’t fail to miss several of them shouting at you “when’s the baby due?” “I see you were correct,” Liam comments once the garage door shuts and you enter the living room. He’s on watching E!News which is reporting your suspected pregnancy. “Can’t I just be fat without being pregnant?” You groan, flopping down on the couch next to your boyfriend and Liam shakes your head. “That’s not allowed. You’re either a) too skinny B) too fat or c) pregnant,” he ticks off, dodging the pillow you try to hit him with and instead presses his lips to you. “The only baby you got in there is a baby great white,” Liam teases, hand covering your bloated stomach and this time he isn’t quick enough to dodge a flying pillow.

Niall: “Did you get all your chargers?” You question, zipping your suitcase shut to turn and watch Niall gather the rest of his things. “Yeah, I did that first… since those are the only things I ever leave behind,” Niall assures you, stuffing dirty shirts in his luggage before smushing them down so the thing will zip. “How you’ve made it this far without me, I’ll never know,” you comment, already imagining all the laundry you’ll have to do simply because all his clothes (clean or dirty) are wrinkled beyond repair. “I was lost without you baby,” Niall teases, wrapping his tanned arms around your waist to pull you in for a long kiss. A harsh knock on the hotel door pulls you both apart and Niall takes a deep breathe before gathering your suitcases. “You ready?” He questions, watching as Paul slams the door shut to the van and you raise your eyebrows. “I mean, if Harry could trip or Liam act like an idiot, that’d be great but seeing as that’s not likely to happen… I’ll be fine,” you say, wringing your fingers together and Niall gives you a soft smile. “Just, try and hide the rings,” Paul reminds you, turning to look over his shoulder as the driver pulls up to the unloading zone at JFK International Airport. Trying to do as instructed, you shove your hands into the pockets of your hoodie in an attempt to hide the recent sparkly additions to your left ring fingers. Once you make it to security, you assume you’re home free and aren’t as strict with Paul’s earlier instructions. “Here, try this,” Niall says, eyes wide which indicates whatever he’s eating is something he loves. He shoves the spoon full of ice cream towards you, forcing you to reach out with your left hand to halt the attack. “I just saw @nialloffical at JFK w/ @YTN and she’s sporting some serious bling on her ring finger,” the first tweet reads and by the time your flight lands in London, there’s a circus of people waiting around outside to catch a glimpse of your wedding rings. You glare at Niall who only shrugs and grab your right hand, allowing you to hide your left one but this leaves his left hand exposed. Niall doesn’t seem to mind the attention or the shouted questions aimed at the two of you, especially since he’s showing off his wedding ring proudly.

Louis: “Lou… this looks pretty suspicious,” you comment from the floor boards of his Land Rover. The boy in questions glances down at you and shrugs, checking to his left before making the turn. “No one will notice you down there and once we get to mom and Dan’s, I’ll have the whole family come out to block your entrance into the house,” Louis comments, checking the rear view mirror to ensure he hasn’t been followed home to Doncaster. “This sounds like a horrible idea Louis, they already speculate we’re dating… why not come out as  couple?” You question, shifting around until you’re on your knees and more comfortable. “Because, the minute it’s confirmed we’re a couple is the minute your private life is over and I’m just not ready for you to make that sacrifice yet,” Louis states again, the same argument he’s been giving you for the past several months. “You’re in college, just let me give you your college days before the media knows for sure and ruins it for you,” Louis would tell you, always looking out for your best interest to ensure you got the college experience he was clearly missing. “And that’s very sweet of you but, newsflash, my private life is already less private than it was before you my love,” you remind him, setting your hand on his knee and he sighs. “I’m trying,” he comments, making the right turn into his moms new place and you roll your eyes but wait for him to open your door. “Come along love,” Dan teases, helping you from the car and blocking you with his body when he spots a few photographers several feet down the street. The pace at which Lottie drags you into the home is astonishing and you’re out of breathe by the time you reach Louis’ designated room. “Very smooth Bond,” you complain, cracking your sore back and neck as Louis reads through the links Harry and the rest of the guys had sent him via email. They all, of course, refer to your less than stealthy arrival to the home of Jo and Dan and the articles all contain pictures of you entering the house with Louis on your heels. “I tried?” Louis questions, shrugging with a chuckle when you smack his chest.

Zayn: “Apparently, you’re cheating?” Zayn’s mother starts with as soon as you down to join her for lunch. “I’m sorry, what?” You stutter, almost toppling back in your seat from shock. “According to the DailyMail, you’re cheating on Zayn,” Trisha repeats, leaning back in her seat while sipping her coffee. “I, most certainly am not cheating on Zayn,” you assure her, gulping down your glass of water as your waiter brings your coffee. “The article is very convincing,” Trisha comments, passing your her ipad with said article already pulled up for you to read. “This is bullshit,” you state bluntly, reading through the article with the supposed story of how you cheated on Zayn while he was away on tour. “I wasn’t even in London when this supposedly happened, I was in Australia with Zayn,” you comment again, reading further down the page. “And this is Zayn in this picture of me and ‘the other dude’,” you tell her, using air quotations before passing her back the ipad you and Zayn had purchased for her for Christmas the previous year. “That’s what Zayn said,” Trisha says, setting her cup down and waving the waiter away when he tries to interrupt you to take your order. “Then why ask me about it?” You question aloud, wondering why Trisha would even believe a cheating allegation about you in the first place; you’ve been with Zayn for three years. “I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t trying to protect you if you’d really hurt him,” she says, staring you straight in the eyes and you nod. “I understand, but Trisha… please believe me when I say, I would never do that to Zayn, I love him,” you assure her, leaning forward to take her hand and she finally gives you a smile. “I do know that, it’s just… sometimes, these articles are so convincing every once in a while,” she admits, squeezing your fingers with a motherly smile. You feel much better once you arrive home and park Zayn’s Bentley in the driveway. You enter the house through the front door and toss your purse into the living room to make your way towards where Zayn is seated at the kitchen counter. “Things settled then?” Zayn questions from the kitchen counter, leaning against the counter top while eating his Greek Yogurt and you turn to glare at him. “You knew I was going into the lions den, didn’t you?” You demand and he shrugs with a knowing grin. “The mother lioness was worried, that’s all,” he assures you, wrapping you in his arms to pepper your face with kisses. “So, are my two favorite girls all right now?” He questions again and you roll your eyes at him. “We’re fine… we’d be fine as long as the media stays out of our business but seeing as that will never happen, we’ll have to live with going into the jungle every once in a while,” you tell him, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips and he chuckles as you stalk out of the kitchen like the lioness of your own pride.

I have 422 friends, yet I am lonely. 
I speak to all of them everyday, yet none of them really know me.

The problem I have sits in the spaces between, 
Looking into their eyes, or at a name on a screen.

I took a step back, and opened my eyes, 
I looked around, and then realised that this media we call social, is anything but-
When we open our computers, and it’s our doors we shut.

All this technology we have, it’s just an illusion, of community, companionship, a sense of inclusion yet when you step away from this device of delusion, 
You awaken to see, a world of confusion. 
A world where we’re slaves to the technology we mastered, where our information gets sold by some rich greedy bastard. 
A world of self-interest, self-image, self-promotion, where we share all our best bits, but leave out the emotion.

We are at our most happy with an experience we share, but is it the same if no one is there. 
Be there for you friends, and they’ll be there too, but no one will be, if a group message will do.

We edit and exaggerate, we crave adulation, we pretend we don’t notice the social isolation. 
We put our words into order, until our lives are glistening, we don’t even know if anyone is listening.

Being alone isn’t the problem, let me just emphasize, that if you read a book, paint a picture, or do some exercise, 
You are being productive, and present, not reserved or recluse, you’re being awake and attentive, and putting your time to good use.

So when you’re in public, and you start to feel alone, put your hands behind your head, and step away from the phone. 
You don’t need to stare at your menu, or at your contact list, just talk to one another, and learn to co-exist.

I can’t stand to hear the silence, of a busy commuter train, when no one wants to talk through the fear of looking insane. 
We’re becoming unsocial, it no longer satisfies to engage with one another, and look into someone’s eyes.

We’re surrounded by children, who since they were born, watch us living like robots, and think it’s the norm. 
It’s not very likely you will make world’s greatest dad, if you cant entertain a child without a using an iPad.

When I was a child, I would never be home, I’d be out with my friends, on our bikes we would roam. 
We’d ware holes in our trainers, and graze up our knees; we’d build our own clubhouse, high up in the trees.

Now the parks are so quiet, it gives me a chill to see no children outside and the swings hanging still. 
There’s no skipping or hopscotch, no church and no steeple, we’re a generation of idiots, smart phones and dumb people.

So look up from your phone, shut down that display, take in your surroundings, and make the most of today. 
Just one real connection is all it can take, to show you the difference that being there can make. 
Be there in the moment, when she gives you the look, that you remember forever, as when love overtook. 
The time you first hold her hand, or first kiss her lips, the time you first disagree, but still love her to bits.

The time you don’t need to tell hundreds, about what you’ve just done, because you want to share the moment, with just this one. 
The time you sell your computer, so you can buy a ring, for the girl of your dreams, who is now the real thing. 
The time you want to start a family, and the moment when, you first hold your baby girl, and get to fall in love again. 
The time she keeps you up at night, and all you want is rest, and the time you wipe away the tears, as your baby flees the nest.

The time your little girl returns, with a boy for you to hold, and the day he calls you granddad, and makes you feel real old 
The time you take in all you’ve made, just by giving life attention, and how your glad you didn’t waste it, by looking down at some invention. 

The time you hold your wife’s hand, and sit down beside her bed you tell her that you love her, and lay a kiss upon her head. 
She then whispers to you quietly, as her heart gives a final beat, that she’s lucky she got stopped, by that lost boy in the street. 
But none of these times ever happened, you never had any of this, 
When you’re too busy looking down, you don’t see the chances you miss.

So look up from your phone, shut down those displays, we have a finite existence, a set number of days. 
Why waste all our time getting caught in the net, as when the end comes, nothing’s worse than regret.

I am guilty too, of being part of this machine, this digital world, where we are heard but not seen. 
Where we type and don’t talk, where we read as we chat, where we spend hours together, without making eye contact.

Don’t give in to a life where you follow the hype, give people your love, don’t give them your like. 
Disconnect from the need to be heard and defined.
Go out into the world, leave distractions behind. 
Look up from your phone, shut down that display, stop watching this video, live life the real way. 

- Gary Turk, Look Up

Alright, I’ve been bearing this story on my shoulders not talking to anyone about it, and boy, it weighs me down. I’ll keep it as concise as possible because all these events will all take place in a span of a year.

It all began when there was a new exchange student in our class, she was from Germany and seemed kind of awkward at first glance, but not that bad. We’ll call her H. Now H has the tendency to laugh loudly and abruptly without any reason and talk about her fanfics a lot, and that of course leaves people weirded out, I know I felt weirded out by that and I really try to not think negatively about people. Me and the people I hang out with didn’t get the greatest first impression from her but we still tried to reach out to her since she was a new exchange student.

Me and my group saw H sitting alone at lunch and so we decided to get to know her more so we joined her table. Now keep in mind that we were around 16-17 and she was like 15 but looked a bit older than us. She has red hair, shes like 5'7 or so, pale (some acne) and a bit chubby (just painting a picture).
We’re from Sweden and she knew absolutely no swedish (nothing wrong with that) but she tried really hard to talk to us in the broken, rusty swedish she knew. None of us knew wtf she was saying so we awkwardly tried to speak to her in English.
“Where are you from?” “Do you like it here?” “Why Sweden?”
We asked her a lot of generic questions to let her know that, hey, we’re chill and we’d like to know you since she was new and all.
Big mistake.
She immediately started telling us about how she disliked us because we either “looked” mean or had the same name as her middleschool bullies or someshit like that. After that incident many of us didn’t talk that much to her and if we did we kept it short and cold.

Fast forward to P.E class. We were 10 minutes into the lesson and our teacher was somewhere else looking for some keys so H saw this as the perfect oppurtunity to impress us. She started doing some backflips and some basic acrobatic tricks, when she was done with the whole spiel she made a split infront of us and grinned widely looking us all in the eyes. It didn’t look pretty since her clothes were too tight on her and her muffintop got exposed. We had a great view of everything part of her body that could jiggle. We tried to avoid her more at this point.

Outside our school there are two bus stations and both of them are facing each other. Me and a friend take the same bus home and H took the bus going the other direction, so she’s standing infront of us. While me and my friend were waiting for our bus, H suddenly started dancing with her whole body. People gave her weird looks but she was in a different world, she was doing some weird shit.
It looked awkward. It looked really weird. We were dying of secondhand embarrassment. We promised each other to not talk to her.

I broke that promise a week later. We were outside of our biology class and our teacher took 2-3 people in to test them. H and I were the only ones standing outside after our biology teacher took everyone else in. She was typing away on her Ipad and curiosity got the best of me so I looked over my shoulder to see what she was typing.
A Harry Potter fanfic.
I’m not that into Harry Potter but I have seen the movies, so I’m kind of familiar with the characters
I started a conversation with her and after a while we talked about her interests. I mentioned that I often saw her writing alone in a corner and she explained that she had a huge interest in writing fanfics, which is fine tbh. I asked her about the story she was writing right then.
“It’s Harry Potter’s daughter that’s popular, really pretty and really smart. She can see into the future because she was born with a curse. She’s basically the most powerful witch in her school but she wants to be a muggle.”
Fuck. Me.

Back then I used to play games a lot, and so did she, so sometimes we’d talk about that. I felt a bit bad for her because all my friends didn’t like her and she often sat alone. I’d start some smalltalk with her or just talk about games with her now and then. She’s awkward, but not a bad person.
At the end of the year she had us write in her notebook so she could keep it as her “memories of Sweden”, whatever that meant. She didn’t interact with many people so we wondered what she meant by “memories”. We signed her notebook nonetheless with messages like

“we will miss you! Have fun in Germany and visit us in Sweden soon! :) <3”

shit like that yknow because we felt bad if we said no. She didn’t talk with a lot of people here, she mostly just skyped with her german friends in a corner.

Anyways, at the end of our schoolyear she told me she’d buy me some gifts, specifically some games. I told her that she didn’t have to (I felt too guilty because I also, disliked her a little bit), but she insisted. I then went out and bhought her a Hogwarts scarf (since she talked about Harry Potter a lot) as a return gift so that I wouldn’t feel too guilty about it.
Our class had a small ceremony since our schoolyear ended and we sat in a fucking circle and ate some cookies. H then put her gifts out and proceeded to give them to me while I (embarrassed) gave her my gift. It most likely looked weird as fuck because we were the only ones that bhought each other gifts so we looked gay as shit. People thought we were buddybuddies and H thought we had become friends.

What have I done.

Me and my friends planned to have a barbecue party after school as a way to celebrate another schoolyear, and H decided to tag along.
“Where are you guys going?”
“Oh hahah, we’re just having a barbecue party”
“Sounds like fun”
“Yeah it will be”
I talked to her as if she wouldn’t be at the barbecue party, and the reason H talked to me was to get an invitation from me. I didn’t invite her.
“I’m… I’m also coming. X invited me.”
“Oh”

I felt like such an asshole.

After she left our school for good and was back in Germany we added each other on skype. I don’t know why I gave her my skype or why I thought skyping with her would be a good idea but I did it anyways. I’m a bit of an idiot.
While skyping I felt incredibly awkward, H has this habit of laughing loudly out of nowhere without any reason whatsoever and I naturally got more and more annoyed. She played Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood and made me watch her TV screen while she played. I couldn’t even take 1 minute of it

“Hey H, I need to go :) I have some things to take care of, ok? Bye!”

Since then I’ve avoided her on all social platforms. There are more awkward incidents with her but I just picked the ones I remembered. All these events took place like 3 years ago.

Kids, when you feel like someone is weird do not proceed to talk to them. They might think of you as their friend and you’ll get stuck.

Sorry it got so long!

long stories aren’t chores to read, they’re epic poems

Morning rain. CTH short story.

  I feel the plushness and softness of a queen sized and the warmth of a giant blanket, I’m sleeping on one side while the sun shines brightly into the window. It’s a cloudy day, rain is supposed to come but that’s okay I like the rain. Birds are still chirping, the grass is green, the room is covered in clothes and other accessories on the floor, not from sex but just sheer laziness to put them away. The closest is a slide mirror closet. And the bedroom door is opened already when I slowly wake up, it’s quite too quiet.

One eye opens as it usually does if I’m still really tired, and looks around my room, it’s a nice master bedroom not too big not too small. I stretch and rub my eyes with my fingers and look over to the other side and smile, my eyes open to see the spot beside me is folded over in a messy manner and the sheets under it look crumpled. ‘He’s out of bed early?’ I would think. It wasn’t until I start to notice the little details in my surrounding that it wasn’t quite at all. In fact, the living room TV was playing re-runs of an old show, I heard the impact of a frying pan meeting a stove, the heater is on since its cold in the room. And the bathroom light is on.  

I would take the covers off of me and sit on the edge of my bed, I’d be wearing a shirt and some shorts like I always would to bed, looking at the pictures on my nightstand filled with pay per view memories. A radio and my phone, An Ipad and the lamps were on it. I stretch some more and make sure to get every bone and muscle in my body, I then proceed to stand and slowly walk to the door. I make my way through the hallway and spot more pictures, they all had pay per view memories so I don’t waste my time to look. When I reach the stairs the light is on and the surrounding of warm toned brown walls take me in, in the living room two mini blankets are neatly put on the back of the couch, two different colored pillows on each side, a nice coffee table with bills, papers, books, my pink notebook, movies, and a TV controller. Everything was exactly how I left it and it made me smile.  

I turn to see the kitchen light is on and judging by the noises earlier I could tell who was in there. I smile at the thought of them, my hands sweaty, heart beating fast, my mind becomes a mess all over again and I stand in the living room smiling like an idiot. So I walk towards the entrance of the kitchen, there Calum is working away on the stove, checking things of what I could only guess was the 15th time, I don’t mind though because I’m just as worse.

While he is in deep concentration I decided to be a little trickster. So I lightly walk behind them making sure to make no noise what’s so ever, grabbing the Nutella from the dining table and slowly opening the jar, once that’s done I’m standing behind him as he still cooks. I dip a finger in the Nutella and I wait for the right moment, when Calum turns his head to look at the right side of the counter I take my moment to strike and smear the Novella all over the cheek, he gets startled, turns around and see me trying to suppress a laugh and he raise an eyebrow asking “is that funny to you?”. I would nod and finally let out a laugh, but I stop to see a mischievous gleam in his eyes. I know what’s to come 

Calum would grab a handful of flour and throw it at me and laugh. And so the food war began, with the stove off of course. At the end, we are on the floor laughing and holding each other and I stop laughing to just look at him, how even when flower, chocolate, leftover pancake batter, and eggs cover him he still look like the most beautiful human I’ve ever seen. And I’m so lucky to have him. And I’m happy too because I’m safe from my past, I’m loved by many still, I don’t go waste my sanity in school anymore, I’m living with someone who loves me for me. And everything is perfect, even the rain that pours outside but that’s a benefit to a perfect day.

Calum look at me the same way I look at him and move some hair covering my eyes, Calum would whisper how happy I made him and how much he loves me, and then we would kiss, not a short peck on the lips, but an intense, loving, and passionate kiss. That’s how they’ve always been and I wouldn’t change that. I wouldn’t change anything about that morning, not ever not now.

A/N: this was rushed and not proof read so I’m sorry if it’s poor writing but this is how I imagine a morning with Calum would be like.

A blessing in disguise ~ chapter 65

Hey I don’t remember if I posted this or not hopefully I didn’t.
—-

A blessing in disguise ~ chapter 65

I sit on the bed feeling upset, while my Mother is forty she’s having a child, it is upsetting because I’m a lot younger and I’m not allowed too, and apparently not able too. “Why are you so quiet?” Harry questions as he is on his iPad doing something. “I’m thinking.”
“Oh god what about?” He asks, not looking away from the screen of the iPad. “Nothing that concerns you.” I reply
“What’s wrong?” He sighs, automatically knowing something is processing in my head.
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying.”
“No I am not.” I shake my head,
“You’re lying.”
“Okay fine, it’s unfair how my mother is forty and I am so much younger and can’t have a child, that’s so messed up. She has a child, why have more?”
“You have a lot of time left.”
“It isn’t fair.”
“Why are you so upset over this? It isn’t a big deal.” Harry sighs as he places his iPad in his lap.
“It is a big deal.” I defend unhappily,
“Hayley, you’re nineteen, think about the things you’ll miss out on.”
“I’m already missing out.”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am.”
“Oh for crying out loud, just stop okay. Stop doing this, I know you want what you want but just let it go for now. You’re too young.”
“Why do you get to decide that I am too young?” I cross my arms and he rolls his eyes. “Hayley stop this.”
“No.”
“Fine, you want a child fine, we will just poke holes in the protection.” Harry comments as he gets off the bed. “Actually no, why bother doing that and wasting time? Let’s just completely forget about protection.” He shakes his head as he gets on the bed and pushes me down on the bed.
“What are you doing?” I ask him,
“Giving you what you want so you’ll stop being so damn upset and jealous of your mother.” He mutters,
“You’re crazy.” I push him away from me,
“I’m crazy? I’m fucking crazy? You’re the one who wants this.” He comments,
“No, we aren’t doing this.” I shake my head, sitting up.
“What? Now that I give you what you want you don’t want it.”
“I don’t know what I want anymore.” I mumble, suddenly feeling like this isn’t the right thing.
“I’m done with this conversation, there is to be no more talk about kids. You have your dance studio that you can not run with a child, I have my career that doesn’t need a child, think rationally.” Harry slightly raises his voice at me, and I sigh knowing that he is right. The two careers of ours can’t have a child. “Now that it’s out in the open I’m going to the bar, and I don’t want to hear another word about any of this.” He firmly states, laying down the Law before walking out, leaving me in the hotel. I sigh walking out to the balcony and sitting out in the cold, looking out into the darkened sky that’s lit up slightly by city lights. There’s a knock to the joining room before I get up and get the door. “Hi, want to go watch a movie?” My Mum asks me but I shake my head, walking back to sit outside. “Where’s Harry? Is he working?”
“No he is at the bar.” I reply,
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” I trail off, bringing my legs to to my chest.
“Why don’t you want to go see a movie with me?”
“I don’t feel like it.” I shrug,
“What’s wrong Hayley?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Oh come on I can tell there’s something wrong.”
“It’s nothing, we just had a little argument I guess. Well it wasn’t really an argument” I answer softly,
“What happened?”
“Uh I rather not talk about it, it’s between me and him.”
“Oh, well I respect that.”
“I think he’s mad at me though and I don’t know what to do.” I reply,
“He’ll come back in here soon enough.”
“Yeah but it shouldn’t always be like that. I don’t think I should just wait for him to come to me.”
“Well go to him then.”
“But I don’t know what to say.”
“I can’t tell you what to say sweetie, you have to work that out on your own.” My mum explains and I sigh.
“That helps.”
“Well was it a big argument?”
“No, yes, no, he wasn’t too mad.” I reply, unsure on if it was big or not. Every argument or disagreement is big in its own way. “I’ll be back.” I sigh, getting up and walking out of the room, I walk downstairs and find my way to the bar where Harry is sitting. I sit beside him and he turns to look at me.
“You’re right.” I mumble as he places his drink down.
“I am?” He questions softly and more tranquil.
“Yes, you’re right, and I am sorry, will you forgive me?” I ask him and he chuckles,
“Yes, I forgive you.” Harry nods, picking up his drink and downing it. “Are we going to drop all this now?” He asks me, I take a deep breath and nod.
“It won’t be brought up again with you.” I nod,
“Are we going to stay here?” I question as he looks at the empty glass.
“Well the hotel room is on my nerves.”
“Me too.” I nod,
“Want a drink?”
“No thank you.” I decline his offer.


***

I suddenly wake up as Harrys phone goes off multiple times. Harry groans and lets his phone continue to go off consecutively. “You’re popular this morning.” I mumble, moving closer to him. “I must be.” He agrees, moving to his side so he can face me.
“Well good morning.” He whispers, pecking my lips.
“Good morning, you’ve still got a bit of a croak.” I bring to his attention and he just sighs.
“Some tea will fix it.” He comments getting out of bed. I cuddle up to the covers before my phone starts going off. I lean over and see I have twitter notifications. I click the app and squint my eyes as the bright screen blinds me. I scroll down my timeline before quickly checking my newsfeed. “Harry?”
“Yes?”
“Why is there a hashtag saying Harry don’t lick anything?” I question,
“I don’t know, are you sure it is for me?” He asks me just as I click the hashtag and see posts from different people. “Oh my goodness, you didn’t.” I gasp, coming across a certain picture.
“What?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I laugh, unable to do anything but laugh.
“You are an idiot and you’re gross, I can’t believe you liked that.”
“Liked what?”
“No wonder you never get off your phone, now I know what you get up too.” I chuckle, and Harry grabs his phone as the water boils for his tea.
“Shit.” Harry’s eyes widen and I continue to laugh. “You’re in trouble.” I chime, finding this quite amusing.
“I didn’t do that.”
“Mhm sure you didn’t.”
“No, no I swear I didn’t.”
“Alright, I confess it was me.” I joke and he bites his lip nervously.
“Busted.” I giggle and he glares at me but I give him a smile.
“You should know that nothing is safe on twitter.” I remind Harry and he groans.
“I didn’t like it.” He mumbles, typing on his phone.
I open up his ‘like’ list and see he has unliked the picture and has liked pictures of Cats.
“Really Harry? You want to talk about the weather? I think it’s raining cats and dogs.” I smirk
“Shut up.” He mumbles but I giggle even more.
“Do you think liking cat pictures will make people forget?” I ask him,
“It is worth a shot.” He replies and I take a breath of air. “Okay, have fun with your management.”
“They won’t say anything.”
“Okay.” I nod,
“Hey get off twitter.” Harry instructs and I sigh,
“Why?”
“You know how I feel about you being on twitter.” He states firmly and I sigh as I get off of twitter as told.
“What other pictures have you liked on twitter?” I tease Harry and he rolls his eyes.
“I’m innocent.”
“Mhm, yeah sure.” I wink, getting out of bed and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “What are we doing today Hayley?”
“Maybe liking some more pictures.”
“Don’t, give me a break.” Harry whines as I twist the cap on the water bottle.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” I sigh, still giggling to myself.
“Are you going to come up with something to do?” Harry asks me and I shrug,
“I need to have a shower, so you should think of something.”
“I need one too, let’s save water and take one together.” He cheekily comments but I shake my head.
“No.”
“Come on.” He encourages, sipping his tea.
“No.”
“You’re no fun.” Harry groans and I shrug, walking into the bathroom.

I step out of the bathroom in a pair of leggings and a sweater, I quickly check my phone on the bed before making myself a cup of tea. “How’s your throat?”
“It is okay, so do you know what you want to do?” Harry asks me and I shake my head, clueless to what we can do before his concert. “I don’t know, you think of something.” I comment, sitting on the bed and turning the television on. “We could go eat?” Harry suggests,
“Can we do something different? It’s always the same, wake up, eat, stay at the hotel, go to the arena, come back.” I complain as I click through the different channels. “Hayley, what do you want to do then?”
“Spend time with you away from this bloody hotel room.” I huff,
“Hayley tell me what you specifically want to do.” Harry groans getting just as equally frustrated as me.
“I don’t know! I don’t know what there is to do here.” I grumble and Harry huffs deeply. “I don’t either.”
“Well it’d be nice if you made an effort to do something with me.”
“This is fucking annoying, I’m not getting into this with you. Nope, I’m not giving in. I’ll find something to bloody do.” Harry mutters, starting to look at his phone. “Are you mad?” I ask Harry,
“No I am fucking as happy as can be. You’re very frustrating Hayley.” Harry replies,
“So are you.”
“Not as bad as you.”
“Whatever Harry.” I mutter, looking at the television. I happen to flick to the Nickelodeon channel, I go to change it but something stops me. “Oh my goodness, it’s you.” I exclaim, seizing Harry’s attention and pointing to the screen. “Aww look at younger you trying to act. Poor baby has Jungle worms.” I chuckle as Harry groans,
“No, this is just not my day. First twitter, now this. Change it.”
“I haven’t seen this episode of iCarly though.” I pout, unable to stop my small giggles. “We don’t need to see this episode of my acting skills.”
“But you look so cute.”
“No.”
“Look at you all cuddled up in the bed, wanting Carly.”
“No” Harry shakes his head,
“Aw you were so cute, what happened to you?” I joke and he rolls his eyes.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I smirk, before a Harry takes me by surprise as he takes the remote off me and gently pins me down on the bed. “I was being sarcastic.” Harry comments, hovering over me.
“I know you were, but in all honesty, you were pretty cute back then.” I smile,
“And what, now I’m not?”
“No, you’re not cute anymore, you’re past the stage of cute.” I answer him,
“Thank you for boosting my self esteem for the day.” Harry sighs,
“Hey, can you let go of my wrists for a second?” I ask him and he lets them go.
I move my hands to cup his face before gazing into his bright eyes. “You’re not cute, you’re handsome, you don’t have the cute young baby face.” I reply, reaching up a little, meeting his lips with mine.


I sit down on a chair, leaning over to put my skates on. Harry had a brilliant idea to go Ice-skating. We have a whole rink to ourselves, just for the two of us to skate around and fall without others watching. “This is a bad idea, you know that right?” I ask Harry as I slip my shoe into the skate.
“I’m sure it is.” He nods, placing his phone on the seat as he puts his own skates on. I stand up and make my way closer to the ice rink, holding onto the sides as I slide on. Harry comes over and joins me, holding onto the side as well. “If you can dance you should be able to ice skate.” Harry comments as he lets go of the sides.
“I dance on flooring, not ice.” I remind him, watching as he begins to skate a little. “Come on.” He holds his hand out but I shake my head. “Don’t you not trust me?” He questions,
“No I trust you, I have never skated before.” I mumble, and he smiles,
“Come on, I’ll show you.” He encourages, making me take his hand. He pulls me closer to him, my skates sliding without me trying. “Just push one foot out and then the other.” He instructs,
“Great help.” I mumble,
“Don’t be so stiff, loosen up Hayley.” Harry instructs as he holds me from behind. “No I’ll fall.”
“You won’t.”
“Yes I will.” I shake my head, getting nervous as I look down at the ice.
“Hold your arms out to the side and balance.” Harry instructs, placing his hands on my waists. I hold my arms out and take in a deep breath as he lets go of my waists and allows me to balance. “There, now try push your feet out and try skate.” He instructs,
“I don’t know.” I sigh, scared of falling.
“Come on, it’ll be okay.” He encourages sweetly, I sigh and glide my left foot out, then my right before losing my balance, and ending up doing the splits while Harry quickly grabs my waists, to stop me from completely splitting. He helps me up and gives me a kiss to the cheek. “Come on, I know you can do better.” He comments, helping me keep going.

I find my center of balance and learn how to stop myself from falling so easily. “Do you want to try skate without holding me?”
“Okay.” I nod, feeling him let go of me, I start to skate on my own, Harry right beside me, “so this is quite different.” Harry comments and I nod.
“It beats sitting in the hotel watching you sleep.”
“You watch me sleep?” He asks,
“In a non creepy way.”
“Creepy.” Harry chuckles,
“Ike you don’t do the same.” I roll my eyes,
“I watch you sleep sometimes, you do weird things in your sleep.” Harry comments and I turn to look at him.
“Such as?” I question,
“Your lips move and sometimes your nose twitches.”
“Really? Your nose twitches too, and you move a lot in your sleep.” I reply, losing my concentration and falling onto the cold ice. I let out a small gasp before giggling. “You alright?” Harry asks me and I nod as so giggle.
“Just a bit clumsy I guess.” I reply, trying to get up but ending up in the splits position. “Do you want to help me here?” I groan as I press my hands down on the ice.
“No I have a good look at your ass from this angle.” Harry comments,
“You’re so charming, stop looking and help me up you ass.” I mumble, and he helps me up. “Next time help me, and don’t look at my ass you perv.” I mumble and he frowns. “Sorry.” He kisses my lips quickly, while holding me up.
“Are you ready to stop skating?” He asks me,
“Just a few more minutes.” I shake my head, slowly skating away from him, “you’re going to fall if you stray too far.” Harry comments as he watches me wobble a little. “Hayley be careful.” He warns and I turn around just to see him fall. “Oh look who fell.” I chuckle as he laughs, “of course I had to fall.” He comments getting back up coming to me. “That wasn’t too good for my back, or my shoulder.” Harry mutters and I give him a sympathetic look. “Aw I’m sorry.” I coo, leaning up and kissing him sweetly, “it isn’t your fault.” He pulls away, taking my hand and guiding me to the exit of the rink. We step off and I sit down, taking my skates off. “Did you have fun?” Harry asks me kindly and I nod,
“I did, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Harry nods as I slip my feet into my shoes.
“It feels weird now since it’s a different feeling being on the ice.” I comment, and Harry nods rubbing his shoulder.
“Hurt yourself huh?” I ask him and he shrugs, “it’s been bothering me since two nights ago. I knew doing a human period wasn’t a good idea.” Harry mumbles,
“Well I remember looking it up that you’ll be bothered by it for a while. Apparently from time to time it hurts and stuff once you dislocate it.” I explain and he looks at me.
“You googled it?”
“No, well maybe.” I innocently comment and he laughs. He takes his skates off before pulling me into his lap.

Harry’s pov

I lean against the wall while I talk to one of my representatives. “So you know how you and Hayley are in the same room?” He asks me as he looks at his phone.
“Yes?”
“Well, your management team don’t really like the fact that you guys are sharing a room. They don’t like it for any of you, and they want to put a stop to it.” He explains and I just laugh at him.
“Oh yeah, because it is so bad if we stay in the same hotel room.”
“They just don’t like it.”
“I don’t like them sometimes.” I cross my arms not really in the mood to deal with whatever shit is arising.
“Yeah we all know that.”
“It isn’t like having my girlfriend in my room is giving the band a bad reputation, the media have finally stopped their womanizing articles.” I comment, getting a bit annoyed with this problem.
“I don’t know Harry.” My representative shrugs,
“So, I’m not 'allowed’ to have my girlfriend in my room. It feels like being fifteen again.” I roll my eyes,
“Actually, they don’t want you on the same floor.”
“Ha, that’s not happening, she’s not going to stay on a different floor. What’s next a new hotel? They might as well tell me to send her back home.” I scoff, completely disagreeing with the rules. “With a few days left, they aren’t going to send her back, they don’t mind she’s with you.”
“Clearly they do. Evidentially enough they want to make things difficult.” I mutter, attempting to keep my voice down, “it isn’t my fault, I am just letting you know.”
“Yes I know but this is fucking annoying, there’s a few days left and they want to start shit and make things harder. Like I need more problems.” I groan, getting frustrated even more.


“Harry, can I go to the Hotel?” Hayley asks me as she gets off the couch. “No.” I mutter, biting my lip as my blood still boils after my conversation with my representative. “Why?”
“Because I said so.” I breathe out, closing my eyes and clenching my teeth.
“Can I talk to you?” Hayley softly asks me and I take in a deep breath, turning to face her. “Somewhere more private?” She asks me but I shake my head.
“Just say what you need to say.” I huff, shoving my phone forcefully into my pocket. “I need to go back home.”
“Why?”
“Things are happening and I need to be there. I have a studio that I need to get back too.” Hayley explains and I look at her with furious eyes.
“So you’re telling me that after everything, you want to leave right now? That you can’t wait a few more fucking days?”
“Harry please stay quiet before you cause a scene.” Hayley hushes me quietly.
“No, this is fucking stupid, you can’t wait it out for just a few more bloody days. Just a few. I am not asking for a few months, just a few days but you can’t even do that.” I raise my voice, disregarding the crew members that are looking at me.
“Harry stop.” Hayley mumbles, looking down trying to ignore the prying eyes.
“No, I’m not going to stop. I’m sick of this, I’m sick of the fact that you’re throwing it in my face you want to leave. That’s all you have done the past three days.”
“Harry-”
“No, I’m not fucking done.” I shake my head, cutting her off.
“Harry-” she goes to speak but I cut her off again.
“No I am talking, it is my turn. I just spent the last fifteen minutes talking to my representative, trying to come to an agreement on why you don’t have to sleep on a different floor in the hotel. But you’re too busy wanting to leave then anything else. I sit here and I damn well fight to keep you here and to keep you happy and all you bloody do is throw shit at me.” I yell at Hayley as the colour drains from her face as the words leave my lips.
“Harry.” Liam goes to talk as I notice him and everyone else watching.
“I don’t need your input, butt out of my conversation.” I hiss and the boys all glare at me.
“Are you done?” Hayley softly asks me,
“No I am not fucking done, do you think that for one second we can maybe, just maybe not argue over you wanting to leave, or some shit?”
“Can you quieten down? You know I have commitments too, you’re not the only one.” Hayley mumbles, trying to be discreet, but I am far past being discreet. I don’t give a fuck who eavesdrops in on the argument.
“I don’t need to quieten down. You knew about the commitments when you agreed to come.” I bark at her and she sighs. “I’m done Harry.”
“I’m not.” I cross my arms,
“You’re causing a scene.”
“I don’t care, they’ve seen me argue before.” I defend, not lowering my voce. “Harry-”
“No, don’t Harry me.”
“Please-”
“No, I’m not going to stop, this needs to be said and I am fucking saying it, I am sick of this, I’m sick of everything.” I snap, unable to control it.
“Harry-” Hayley sighs, looking down at the floor as Niall walks over.
“Hey, maybe quieten down a bit.” Niall comments,
“Why the fuck should I?” I snap on Niall and he sighs,
“Because you’re better than this.”
“I don’t care.” I shrug,
“Harry-” Hayley starts to say, I go to allow her to speak, looking at her as she collapses, Nialls arms grabbing her before mine can. “Hayley!” I shout out of worry, “Hayley.” I gasp as Niall lowers her down, seeming a bit confused and scared himself. I hear feet rushing towards us before everyone’s huddled around us, “back up, everyone just give us space.” I huff, Liam helping keep the crew members distant. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Luke asks me as he and Liam push Niall out of the way as he looks at Hayley stunned. “Don’t start on me.” I warn him, already wanting to take my anger out on something, he’d be a pretty good target if he doesn’t keep his mouth shut. I’m ready to pounce on anyone and he’s the perfect and easiest target. “No he’s right, what is wrong with you?” Louis asks me as I stare at Hayley. “Stop it.” I hiss,
“Like you stopped when she asked you too? If she leaves you don’t come complaining to us. You’re an idiot who doesn’t know how to be decent.” Louis snaps on me and I go to fire back at him but I stop myself. I try to get closer to Hayley but nobody lets me. “Back away from her.” Liam shakes his head,
“Well how about we all stare at her and not check to see if she’s fucking breathing?” I snap, feeling myself get worried as she doesn’t open her eyes.
“She’s breathing.” Louis rolls his eyes,
“So we are just going to fucking stand here?” I angrily question,
“We at least we aren’t yelling at her like a damn maniac.” Liam contributes and I stare him down.
“It was in the heat of the bloody moment okay!” I raise my voice and Liam shakes his head.
“Good luck wiggling your way out of this one.” Liam mutters as I see Luke rub Hayleys arm like I would. My eyes narrow down on him and I feel my muscles tense, and my jaw clamp shut. My eyes move away from Luke, seeing Hayleys eyes slowly open. She tries to sit up but neither Louis, Liam or Luke lets her. “Look who decided to join us again.” Liam chimes, and Hayley gives him a small smile.
“Why am I on the floor?” Hayley asks slowly,
“Do you not remember?” I instantly ask but she ignores me.
“I think she remembers lad.” Niall comments and I huff. I’m so screwed.
“Oh God.” Hayley sighs as she rubs her eyes. “Did someone call for help? She has to go get checked out.” I ask,
“Yes one of the crew members did.” Louis answers me as Hayley glares at me.
“I don’t want to go alone.” She mumbles,
“I’ll go.” I instantly say,
“No.” Hayley bluntly rejects me, not even giving me a second glance. “Hayley”
“No” Hayley cuts me off and I sigh, looking at her with regretful eyes.
“Who do you want to go with you?” Liam asks,
“Me.” I comment,
“Harry, I don’t think she wants you to go with her.” Liam reminds me,
“I’m going.”
“No.” Hayley cuts in firmly, completely rejecting me, making me feel like nothing. “Niall.” Hayley mumbles,
“Uh sorry darlin’ I have a show to do and I am not good with these situations.” Niall stutters,
“She’s my fucking girlfriend, I am going.” I angrily comment, pissed off that I am being ignored and rejected. “You have a show.” Louis states,
“I don’t give a flying fuck.” I shrug, disregarding the show as Hayley is more important. “Luke?” Hayley mumbles,
“Hm what?” He asks,
“Will you come?” She asks him and my eyes fill with fury, and my blood boils even more. “No fucking way, no, I’d rather Niall take her than Luke.” I shake my head,
“Shut up.” Hayley mutters as she tries to sit up again but everyone scolds her. She huffs before we are told there five minutes until stage time. “He’s not going with her.” I shake my head, pointing to Luke. “You’ve done enough, she’ll be fine with him.” Louis comments as he stands up.
“I don’t care, no.”
“You don’t get to say, she made her decision, you fucked up. Now get to the stage.” Louis instructs but I cross my arms, refusing to move.
“I’m going with her.”
“No, she has said no. Respect that, take some advice, don’t make things worse.” Louis lowers his voice.
“Harry don’t make things worse, she’ll be okay with him.” Louis sighs and I look at him saddened.
“She’ll be okay.” He soothes and I look towards her.
“If he makes one move I’m going to kick his ass. She’s my girlfriend.” I mumble,
“It isn’t about him, it’s about her.” Louis comments, trying to push me closer to the stage. I move around him and kneel down by Hayley, “Harry.” Louis warns me,
“Let him go, you’d be the same.” Zayn interrupts, and I look at Hayley,
“An apology won’t do anything right now, I deserve the silent treatment, I’ll see you after, okay?” I sigh, and she just looks at me. “You hate me right now but I love you.” I whisper just for us to hear before I lean down and kiss her lips. I get up and Louis pushes me towards the stage. “I’m fucked aren’t I?” I turn to Zayn and he nods.
“I’m afraid so pal, hopefully she forgives you. You were harsh, too harsh.” He adds making me feel guilty. “I’m sorry won’t fix it will it?” I question, Zayn bites his lip before shaking his head. “I want to go with her.” I mumble, my voice calm,
“You can’t mate, you have a show and she doesn’t want you.”
“She wants Luke.” I mutter, not feeling angry anymore, mainly feeling upset.
“She’s not interested in him.” Zayn comments,
“But she wants him over me.”
“Harry, mate, you yelled at her, you were really mean, you don’t yell at a girl like that, especially in public.” Zayn enlightens me.
“But I didn’t mean it.”
“It doesn’t matter, you need to learn a lesson from it. You can’t just lash out.”
“I didn’t lash out.” I defend,
“Don’t try make excuses, you overstepped your boundary. You were wrong.” Zayn states firmly.
“What do I do?” I ask pathetically,
“I can’t tell you what to do. You don’t listen anyway.”
“I’ll listen I promise.”
“No! You won’t listen, you never do. You’re thick headed.” Zayn shakes his head,
“I don’t want to lose her.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, I thought you would have learnt your lesson about going off on people.”
“Look I’m not trying to make excuses but I couldn’t help it.”
“Don’t tell me excuses, get on stage."Zayn rolls his eyes,
"No, I want to go with my girlfriend.”
“She doesn’t want you.” Zayn bluntly states before literally pushing me on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans. “Fuck.” I mutter to myself before I’m handed a microphone from Louis and the first few beats of our opening song sounds. The boys smile and jump around despite their tiredness but I just can’t manage to even pretend to be happy. Niall nudges me and takes his microphone from his lips. “At least try have fun.” He shouts in my ear as fans scream and sing. I look at him and shrug, not really caring about having fun.

My pov

I sit up in the hospital bed, on my phone while nurses come in and out and do their routine procedures. I struggle to keep myself awake not wanting to go to sleep. I pull up some game on my phone before placing my phone down on the bed, letting out a deep huff. “What’s wrong?” Luke asks me after an hour of being silent and just watching as nurses come in and out. “I’m bored and tired.”
“Oh.” He sighs,
“You don’t have to stay.”
“No it’s okay.” He shakes his head, playing with his lip ring.
A nurse comes in holding a tray and a clipboard, I look at her and no instantly what she’s wanting. “Please no.” I instantly beg, and Luke looks at me oddly. “It will only be a little pinch.” She tries to lie to me,
“It isn’t just a pinch.” I sigh already looking away from her. “I’m sorry sweetie.” She sighs seeming caring, I tilt my head to the side, looking at Luke.
“Are you scared of needles?” He asks me as he stands up.
“I don’t like them.” I reply as the nurse places a band around my arm.
“You know when I had to get needles I would have to hold my Mums’ hand.” Luke chuckles making me giggle lightly.
“Usually I would hold Harrys but he isn’t available.” I trail off, already feeling like I shouldn’t be mentioning his name after his outburst. “Here, I’ll let you borrow mine.” Luke smiles, taking my hand.
“Well go on squeeze it, show me just how strong you are.” He jokes and I roll my eyes as I feel the needle prick me. “Thank you.” I breathe out, grateful Luke is being a great friend and staying with me. “You’re welcome, you’d do the same for me.” Luke comments, just as I let go of his hand and relax. The nurse walks out and I see Harry standing in the doorway. “It wasn’t what you think.” Luke automatically explains,
“It’s okay.” Harry shakes his head, his voice soft and calm, something I didn’t expect. “Wait, what?” Luke questions,
“Can you just give us a minute?” Harry asks Luke nicely, and Luke nods walking out. “I uh, I know that an apology won’t help, nothing I say will really help.” Harry stutters, struggling to find the words to say. “You’re mad at me, and I don’t blame you.” He adds, looking down at his feet before looking at me. “I don’t know what to say, I’m disappointed within myself quite honestly. I’ve messed up again, and I don’t know how to fix things.” Harry mumbles, trying to get his emotions out. “I’m sorry, it won’t make a difference but I am. I’m going to go because you don’t want me here but I thought you deserved an apology.” Harry croaks as squeezes his hand shut and turns around to walk out. “Harry.” I sigh, not wanting him to leave. He stops and turns around, “I’m upset with you, but I-”
“It’s okay.” He shakes his head, “you don’t need to say anything.” He coughs,
“I’m upset but I get to leave soon and I don’t think it’ll do any justice for you to leave.”
“But you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.” I shake my head, knowing I should be a bit harsh on him like he was with me, but a relationship isn’t about playing games and getting back at each other. “The boys said you do.”
“I don’t hate you, they’re trying to teach you a lesson.”
“I think I’ve learnt my lesson.” Harry mumbles,
“Go get Luke.” I instruct and he listens to my command which is very odd. Luke walks in quietly and I look at him. “Thank-you for staying with me, you can go to the hotel if you like or stay, it is up to you.” I smile,
“Uh, is Harry staying?” Luke asks me and I look towards Harry.
“I am.” He nods with a croaky voice.
“I’ll get going, I think you two need time alone. I’ll check up on you tomorrow.” Luke smiles and I open my arms for him. He looks towards Harry and Harry nods, gesturing for him to fulfill my wish for a hug. Luke walks to Harry, “bye Mate.”
“Bye Luke, hey uh, thanks for looking after her for me.” Harry nicely says to Luke,
“It’s okay.” Luke smiles, walking out.

“You were nice to Luke, why?” I instantly ask,
“Hayley, I don’t want to talk about it. Can we talk about it later?” Harry softly asks and I nod as we both grow quiet.
“I’m sorry.” Harry randomly says just as I felt like I was close to being asleep.
“Let’s talk later.” I drowsily mumble, just as my phone rings.
“Oh no it’s my Mum.” I exhale, looking at the ID.
“Answer it?”
“She will know something is up. She can’t know I am here.” I exclaim,
“Do you want me to answer?” Harry offers, and I nod.
“What do I say?” He asks me,
“Uhm, we are on our way and I’m asleep.” I instruct and he answers the phone for me, covering for me.

A nurse comes in and tells me I’m allowed to leave, and I can’t help but be thankful. I really don’t like how boring hospitals are. Harry comes over to help me but I shake my head. “No, you’re not off the hook still.” I mumble as I stand to my feet on my own, not needing his help. He goes to comment but shuts his mouth quickly. I walk out a little wobbly, feeling Harrys eyes burning into me. I stand at the desk and sign the papers I need to sign. Harry tries to take my hand but I shake my head, “no.” I take my hand away from his and start to walk off. Harry walks quietly beside me, watching me intently. “Did they say anything? Is there anything wrong?” Harry asks me,
“Yes, my boyfriend is sometimes insensitive and too harsh.”
“Hayley-”
“I just want to go.”
“Home?” Harry gulps and I stop walking.
“Is that where you want me?” I ask him, and he shakes his head,
“Well we are going where you want me.” I state, continuing to walk.
“I want you to be happy.”
“I’m really not in the state to discuss this.” I sigh, not wanting to say anything to blow things up again.
“Okay.” Harry breathes, walking beside me and keeping quiet.