i look stupid as hell in this

anonymous asked:

welcome to villainous hell (real talk im super excited more cool ppl like u are getting into this show because im stupid excited abt the fact it may become a Real Thing like !!!!!!!!!! it looks so cool and the 2012 shorts are funny too)

I’M NOT READY

LIKE THERES A WHOLE OVERWATCH EVENT TOMORROW I DOMT HAVE TIME TO BE SUCKED INTO ANOTHER VOID

What’s Between Us

Summary: Requested by @fantastic-fantasy-fanfics:  For your fluff week, could you please write a Steve x reader fic where the reader breaks her arm or something during a mission so she has to stay in the tower to heal. After a while she gets really bored and glum so Steve takes her out to cheer her up? Maybe by taking her duck feeding or to the zoo or something.

Word Count: 3,254

Warnings: None.

A/N: One of my favorites ever. I hope you all enjoy <3 

Originally posted by imagine-that-marvel


Stepping into the common room, Steve couldn’t help the affectionate smile that bloomed on his lips. You were sprawled on the couch, looking every part the most miserable person, groaning at the roof, head pulled back on the armrest. Your broken arm was in a cast, resting on your chest, the TV’s remote thrown on the floor right next to the arm you had hanging off the sofa. The television was still on, but you weren’t paying attention to it, and Steve suspected it was because you were bored.

He walked forward and cleared his throat, letting you know he was there. That sound made you sit up and you spun your head around until your eyes met. Steve grinned.

“Are you doing okay?”

You glowered. “No. I’m bored as all hell and there’s nothing to do in this stupid place that doesn’t require both of my hands.”

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kiyumiarashi  asked:

Tell us about the parrots and the zipline? That sounds like the worst thing to happen ever.

Oh boy ok brace yourself cause this entire debacle was just a mess. Imma tell the story of this entire day cause it was just absolute bs 

So I’m in Mexico with my family, yknow, having a nice vacation. My dad doesn’t do heat, so it was just my grandparents, my mom, and me. Keep in mind, I was like, 16 at the time, so this was a few years ago now. 

So, i fully admit, I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie. Always have been, always will be. So when they said we could go to a massive park that was 90% underground, and the rest was like 300ft in the air, i jumped at the opprotunity.

so we get there and I immediatly beeline for the ziplines. Now, you can’t just do one of these suckers. Once you do one, there’s no going back until you’ve conquered all 12 (or something like that, there was a lot.) It took the better part of two exhausting hours to get through them all. 

So before the parrot issue there was some other bs first. We brought my best friend with me that year, but because we were both too light, we had to go tandum for a lot of the lines, or else we wouldn’t make it across. We’d just get stuck in the middle of the line dangling like a pinata, and no body wants that.

so the first bs comes along. I’m singing the batman theme song to keep my friend calm, because she is not a fan of heights. Like, we are screaming NANANANANANANA BATMAAAAAN at the top of our lungs. And we look ahead and see this massive gap in the trees. Now, we’d gone over a couple cinotes already where we could see the people doing the under ground activities. We figued, hey, let’s laugh at the people doing the river swim that’ll make us feel better. SO we get up on it and my friend starts freak tf out. It wasn’t a cinote.

it was a snake pit.

A massive round, man made snake pit will with hundreds of writhing snakes. They were climbing the walls, even the trees that were like 3ft from our toes. So we’re freaking out like “I don’t wanna be indiana jones i’m too young!!” But we pass it with no problem. We keep going another few second or so, and we see another break in the trees. We’re bracing like cause we assume it was another snake pit. It wasn’t.

It was a crocodile pit.

cue freak out number two.

but we pass it and all is well. Then we come onto the landing strip. We were just starting out so this one was pretty low to the ground. And then i see a weird shape on the grass landing pad.

There was a crocodile on the lawn

we freaked OUT like you wouldn’t believe.

so we’re soaring at this thing and there’s no stopping. We’re waving at the guys who are supposed to catch us with a net like “yo guys u got a coc problem.” and they don’t seem bothered in the slightest. We pass over this thing and it doesn’t move, but i’m 99% sure i tried to kick it. Now we’re free we’re safe and we should be slowing down…why aren’t we slowing down.

we slam into the safety net full force and bounce back a couple feet. When we manage to unhook ourselves we find the two duded pissing themselves laughing.

it was a fake crocodile. i tried to kick a concrete lawn ornament.


onto the parrots.


for this next one my friend was freaking out, as we were over 300ft up. I wanted to go asap so i went attached to my mom instead. At this point, i am alrady 5′8″, and my mom is like 5′5″. so you have this massive beanpole of a child strapped to her tiny mother. So we take off and our combined weight has us absolutely flying down the line. It’s all idealyic and serene, and i’m enjoying my crocodile free cruise. I look down and through a break in the trees i spot the amphibian vehicles going in and out of the cave systems. All good. Right beside them is a pack of leopards sunning themselves on a rock, which is also directly below us. and im thinking “wow, this would a crappy time to fall” immediatly i hear

thunkthunkthunkthunkthunk

my legs hurt all of a sudden. I glance down and see blood dripping down my leg. Mom is screaming/laughing.

we hit a flock of parents mid flight

and they were pissed.

So im screaming and swatting at them, they’re screeching like little feathered demons and pecking t us, some were dangling off my shoe laces, shriekingly like hellions. I still have scars from those suckers. They eventually fly off starnig us down like “dont ever come to our terf again” 

we finished the ziplines without incident after that.

but my day isnt over yet.

we have a wonderful lunch, i get my legs cleaned up, and we make the trek to the amphibian vehicles i saw earlier. We hop in and we’re going through the motions. Up and down, into caves and out. Super cool. Loved it.Then we come to where i saw the leopards.

all the cars in front of us pass without incident.

the second we roll up the leopards perk up and start running after us

cue freakout number 4654783

now, my grandpa is driving and i’m sitting there, with nothing but a mesh door between me and a pack of leopards

“grandpa go faster, we gotta goooo” and he just looks at me all calm like

“i know why they’re here.”

“THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW WHY THEY’RE HERE GO FASTER”

He just calmly, oh so casually, pulls out a hot dog from lunch.I just kinda stare at him like GRANDPA

Obviously i do the smart thing

i grab that stupid hot dog at chuck at the nearest leopard

i hit it in the face

they all fall on each other trying to get a taste of that mustardy goodness and we take that moment to make our escape


and that was my” wth is going on in mexico extravaganza”

and that day didn’t even include the sting ray incident

OKAY FOR REAL CAN WE TALK ABOUT SHARENA’S ARMOUR IN HEROES

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE

IS IT TITS?

I SURE AS HELL DON’T THINK SO BECAUSE THERE’S NO STUPID TIT HOLES IN THAT SHIT (LOOKIN AT YOU CAMILLA W/ YOUR TIDDY STRAP)

THIS IS ACTUALLY THE MOST PRACTICAL ARMOUR A FEMALE UNIT HAS HAD SINCE KJELLE AND HER MASSIVE SUIT OF BADASSERY

IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT FUCKIN COME AT ME I WILL FIGHT YOU ABOUT THIS IT IS AMAZING AND I WILL PROTECT IT

edit: okay kjelle wasn’t the best example and there is the whole corrin-y thigh-hole thing bUT SSH

LET ME ENJOY THE SLIGHTLY-MORE-PRACTICAL-THAN-NORMAL ARMOUR

Magic Kaito Chapter 36 [English Translation]

Happy KaiAo day!

  • The danger divides two destinies
  • And Thief’s choice is…


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BTS memes pt.2

I am kinda addicted now to the pause botton…

Rapmon looks cute tho

I spot AgustD

Dayum

When you need to pee but you’re in the middle of filmin a dance practice so you gotta hold it in..

When it’s finally fridayyy

Turning up with the squad pt.2

When you see the bitch you hate at school

Kyut!

A rare picture of J-hope wearing a weave

J-hope is judging you

Monie looks a little too excited

Monie doesn’t know gravity 

When you see your friend do stupid shit in public and embarrass the hell out of you

When someone insults you and your squad

This is how Kookie and Jimin will look like in 40 years

Click here for pt.1 

Here We Go Again

Okay I feel the need to clear some things up again for stupid Karamel shippers so here we go. So let’s go down the bullshit and address each one.

  • Mon-El Is Confirmed For Season 3

No he isn’t. There is absolutely zero confirmation that he is in a third season. His series regular status also doesn’t mean he has a permanent place on the show. Stop spreading this nonsense like you know what you’re talking about.

  • Mon-El Is A Series Regular

I already addressed this but Karamel shippers seem to think they know what they’re talking about so I feel the need to make it clear again. Being a series regular does NOT mean you’re there for the entire series. Series regulars leave shows ALL OF THE TIME, especially after only a single season. Being a series regular does not mean what you think it means! I can’t stress this enough! Being a series regular only means that he can return at any time for however much time the writers need him. If they don’t need him, he won’t return.

  • The Article

The Karamel belief that Mon-El is confirmed for season 3 is based on ONE interview in a magazine where it was very briefly mentioned he would have further character development in season 3. This interview was done before Karamel even happened, and before the extreme backlash towards his character.

So what does that mean exactly? The writers may have told Chris they were thinking of bringing him back for the third season, then changed their minds later. Which considering his reduced role and screen time in the final three or four episodes, they were probably already doing.

One magazine article that was extremely vague and written before the backlash does not a season 3 confirmation make. Stop referring to it as evidence when it has most likely been changed based on how the fans reacted to him.

  • Mon-El Will Return

It was hinted that Mon-El could return in the future. For some very odd reason, Karamel shippers decided this meant he was confirmed for season 3 and he wasn’t going to be gone long. The person who hinted he may come back was making a guess, and not exactly a crazy one.

I also believe this isn’t the last we’ll see of him. HOWEVER, I do not think he’ll come back as a permanent fixture on the show. I think he will come back to settle his story with Kara for good before leaving on a more permanent basis. This could be for an episode or two at most, not an entire season like many of you are thinking.

The problem with the Karamel fandom is that they look at vague guesses as established facts that prove their wild ideas when they do nothing of the sort.

  • Star-Crossed

An episode that was literally called Star-Crossed and romeo and juliet references. Star-Crossed refers to relationships that are ultimately doomed, and romeo and juliet are two of the most famous star-crossed lovers in literature. Star-Crossed lovers have an intense but short lived relationship before either going their separate ways or dying. That’s the point of the relationship, to be intense but short before ending permanently.

But don’t worry Karamel shippers, I’m certain that the show’s multiple references to it when highlighting Kara and Mon-El’s relationship were absolutely unintentional.

  • Conclusion

Please for the love of God stop spreading false information! Stop looking at “maybes” and “what ifs” and calling them facts. You Karamel shippers keep pointing at things that aren’t evidence and calling them evidence. You’re seeing what you want to see.

Besides the fact that Mon-El can’t even survive on Earth anymore, there’s no way in hell the writers are going to risk that much negativity by bringing him back permanently. Maybe for an episode here and there sure, but I doubt they’re going to have a character that is almost universally hated be on the show full time. It’s an epically stupid business decision.

bad | 06

he was the cliché bad boy. he was the guy you couldn’t stand. he was the handsome, hot kid who made girls go weak in the knees. he was a brat. you had never liked him one bit, but you had also never gotten involved with anything concerning him. until one day, when you were in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Originally posted by jjks

TITLE: bad | 06

MEMBER: jeon jungkook x reader (ft. kim taehyung)

GENRE: future smut, romance, fluff, angst(?), badboy!au

WORDS: 5 125

WARNINGS: mature themes, language

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07coming soon ↠ 

A/N: here IT IS! for all you children who are waiting for smut, do not worry, I know. just be patient ;) remember, everything happens for a reason. don’t kill me for this.

masterlist

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Slight Changes || Park Jimin

Originally posted by lonastic

Word Count: 1.9k

Genre: Angst/Fluff


“You can’t be serious Y/N, it wasn’t even my fault.” You ignored Jimin’s voice as you stormed away from him and walked into the kitchen. The only thing you wanted to do right now was get away from him, but it seemed that no matter how far you got from him he would just appear right behind you again.

“Yes, Jimin, I am serious. What would make you think otherwise?” Your tone was bitter, anger flooding through you and exiting in the form of words. There was no other way for you to release it so you just had to deal with trying your best to stay calm and not completely flip out on your boyfriend. Jimin sighed loudly before speaking again, causing you to turn around and look at him.

“She was just a fan, fan’s get close. It’s not my fault.” He argued. You rolled your eyes, feeling more anger rise at the fact that he was trying to defend himself over this. The picture had been all over twitter and it seemed that ARMY’s were going crazy over it. They had been tweeting it at you, waiting for some kind of reaction, but you held back until the moment he got home and you could confront him about it.

“It’s your fault that you didn’t try to ask her to move, and it’s your fault that you didn’t mention me, you know, your girlfriend.” You said.

“God you always get like this.” Jimin’s tone surprised you, and you couldn’t help but feel a little taken aback by his words. There wasn’t anything about it that was very different, just a slight undertone of frustration that you weren’t used to. Jimin was always calm with you, even now while you were practically yelling at you he was keeping his normal tone.

“What do you mean I always get like this?” You asked.

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anonymous asked:

Opinion on Parker?

the bitsy spider is like… a mildly terrifying combo of steve and tony. he has all of steve’s moral uprightness and willingness to do what he believes is right, regardless of consequences, and all of tony’s i-will-do-science-and-thereby-solve-my-problems method of dealing with life. he’s good people though, despite an unfortunate tendency to eat pizza while sitting on the ceiling and drip hot cheese into my hair. not cool, peterbird.

what makes him kinda terrifying is that he physically looks like steve did pre-superjuice, plus a few inches and a few pounds, but he’s crazy strong. the only avengers who can beat him in sheer strength are hulk and thor. and neither of them really have a calculable upper limit on their strength, so.

but being able to kick both stevie and i across the room doesnt stop him from looking like he needs to be bundled in blankets and tucked in a corner where nobody can bully him. lemmie tell you, it plays merry hell on my nerves when somebody throws a bus at him and he catches it and throws it back

Yuri on Ice from Yakov’s perspective

Banquet:

 Yuri don’t let yourself get baited into a dance batt- I SAID DON’T GET BAITED INTO A DANCE BATTLE! GODDAMNIT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MEETING SPONSERS!

Victor! Mila! Stop encouraging them! AND STOP TAKING PICTURES

Victor you’re not even drunk! STOP DANCING WITH THE SLOPPY DRUNK

Why is there a stripper pole in here? Why is this allowed to get out of hand? WHERE THE HELL ARE CHRIS AND THIS DRUNK’S COACHES?!?

Victor! DON’T LET DRUNKS HUMP YOU IN FRONT OF SPONSERS! NO, YOU CAN’T TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS ROOM! I DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK YOU’RE IN LOVE HE’S DRUNK AND YOU’RE AN IDIOT! I’LL TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS ROOM BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY MORE BAD DECISIONS.

- *sends Celestino a strongly worded email about keeping an eye on his pupils in the future the next morning*

Episode One

- Victor stop. Stop pining. You aren’t in love. No I don’t believe in love at first sight and I certainly don’t believe in love at first drunken humping. You’re right I’m not taking this seriously. He hasn’t contacted you because he was DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND! Did you see how much booze he downed? It’s a wonder he didn’t die of alcohol poisoning. Just stfu and skate.

- Victor no. It’s not a message. Victor no! Don’t give up your career for an ill-advised booty call! UGH if I can’t stop you just make sure our Yuri doesn’t find out where you went.

Episode Two

- WHY ARE YOU IN JAPAN TOO YURI! I COULDN’T STOP VICTOR MAKING AN ILL-ADVISED BOOTY CALL BUT YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE ATTEMPTING THAT! YEAH SURE YOU’RE NOT THERE FOR THAT I’VE SEEN YOUR ROOM! …NO ONE HAS 30 POSTERS OF SOMEONE IN THEIR ROOM BECAUSE THEY ‘HATE THEM JUST SO MUCH’ YOU’RE FOOLING NO ONE KID!

Episode Three

- OMFG did you really give him a program about the night he got sloppy drunk and you turned into even a bigger moron? You’re going to put me into an early grave.

Episode Four

- MILA! STOP POKING THE SMOL ANGRY CHILD! HIS SCREECHING HURTS MY EARS!

- Wait, why the hell do I have to go live with my ex-wife and the angsty teen? I don’t want to have to listen to a list of my failures or a catalogue of all the ways Drunk Yuri is the worst especially as it tends to devolve into ‘stupid pig, how dare he be so good looking’.

Episode Five

- Victor stop trying to pretend this isn’t an elaborate booty call. This is not how coaching works.

Episode Six

- I have the living legend who gave it all up to be a pretend coach in order to get with a sloppy drunk, a sadist of a female skater who stirs up trouble on purpose, an angsty teen who can’t tell the difference between having a crush and hating someone and an emo skater who is far too old to be as emo as he is. Kill me now.

Episode Seven

- Maybe I was giving Victor a disservice. His student is actually doing quite well and maybe they are taking it seriously and HOLY FUCK NEVERMIND JUST KISS YOUR STUDENT IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD VICTOR YOU ASSHAT

Episode Eight

- Yuri has calmed down and I’m just going to ignore Victor. Yep that’ll work OMFG did you HAVE TO KISS HIS FUCKING SKATE?!? THIS IS WHY YOU WEREN’T ALLOWED TO TAKE HIM BACK TO THE HOTEL ROOM! YOU HAVE NO CHILL!

You want me to what? Be his coach? Well…only because I like Maccachin.

Episode Nine

- You’re alright actually, I hereby allow you the name Japanese Yuri instead of Drunk Yuri. You may be the only sane person I know surprisingly. I still am going to tell you off for fucking up though.

- ….I take it all back. WTF was up with all the hugging.

Episode Ten

- …They got engaged. Victor really is going to marry him….I’m not even surprised at this point. Fine. Keep him Japanese Yuri. He’s a pain in the ass anyway.

Episode Eleven

-  YES! I AM A PROUD DAD/COACH! HAPPIEST I’VE BEEN THIS WHOLE YEAR

Episode Twelve

- WTF? You’re coming back now? Idek what’s going on anymore.

- Well done Yuri! I’m so proud of you for winning gold!

- …They are doing a super romantic pairs skate because of course they are.

- Okay so Victor is coming back to Russia to train cool….wait what do you mean you’re still going to coach Japanese Yuri? WTF? HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK? WTF NO.

Post Episode Twelve

- STOP FLIRTING IN THE RINK! WHY GOD WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED?

- STOP GROPING HIM VICTOR THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT

-  YURI P STOP THROWING THINGS EVERY TIME THEY FLIRT

-  I HATE ALL OF MY CHILDREN SO MUCH.

- YOU’RE ALL THE REASON I HAVE NO HAIR

Pray for Yakov

RIVERDALE MEME.
episodes 1-4 / ( change pronouns as needed. )

CHAPTER 1: THE RIVER’S EDGE

  • “i’ve been thinking about us.”
  • “i’m asking you now if you love me.”
  • “of course i love you, ____. but i can’t give you the answer you want.”
  • “one summer can change everything.”
  • “it’s about following your heart, right?”
  • “as long as you don’t give up your passion.”
  • “eventually, there will be a reckoning.”
  • “that entitlement you wear on your head like a crown? it won’t last.”
  • “are you scared, ____?”
  • “don’t freak out. just trust me.”
  • “i’m breakfast at tiffany’s, but this place is strictly in cold blood.”
  • “he was looking for the girl next door. instead, he found me.”
  • “you wanted fire? sorry, _________. my specialty’s ice.”
  • “just… talk to her. it could go a long way. would have gone a long way with me.” 
  • “you are so perfect. i’ll never deserve you.”

CHAPTER 2: A TOUCH OF EVIL

  • “romeo and juliet are the exception, not the rule.”
  • “once again, fate throws us together.”
  • "sardonic humour is just my way of relating to the world.”
  • “what? what are you going to do?”
  • “i’m not. i want to be. i thought i could be. but it’s too much, too fast.”
  • “what do you know about it, _____? or about me, even?”
  • “he wasn’t perfect. but he always tried to do the right thing.”
  • “sometimes a friend is better than a boyfriend.”
  • “why don’t we both just do that bro thing where we nod like douches & mutually suppress our emotions?”
  • “is there something you want to tell me, pal?”
  • “did you & _______ kill him together?”
  • “i’m alone.”
  • “we’re not gonna hug in front of the entire town.”
  • “it’s like there was a train that was going to the rest of my life. & i just… missed it.”
  • “it is not my fault he doesn’t like you.”

CHAPTER 3: BODY DOUBLE

  • "spoken like a true good girl who always follows the rules.”
  • “i don’t follow rules, i make them. & when necessary, i break them.”
  • “nothing this bad was ever supposed to happen here.”
  • “you don’t want to slow down, do you?”
  • “they have zero remorse for the lives they destroy.”
  • “does he not know who i am?”
  • “i’d love to stay. but i gotta shake down an evil adventure scout.”
  • “not bad.”
  • “maybe i don’t know _______.”
  • “you came through for me. in a way no one else ever has before.”
  • “i would’ve done anything to protect _____.”
  • “i saw the way you looked at me. … you’re hiding something.”
  • “maybe we should slow it down a little.”
  • "she’s right.”
  • “would i have complete freedom?”

CHAPTER 4: THE LAST PICTURE SHOW

  • “where did you find all of this?”
  • “oh, i’m already there!”
  • “you’re right. i’m selfish, & i’m stupid.”
  • “make some room, outcasts.”
  • “what’s next, selling her hair extensions?”
  • “it’s off-brand & sends a false message about acceptance.”
  • “shut the hell up, or you’ll find out!”
  • “i just hate when people disrespect my cinematic experience.”
  • "i’ll figure it out. i always do.”
  • “you are not the things you said.” 
  • “you’re not stupid. this wasn’t your fault.”
  • “i have a strong inkling.”
  • “threatened, much?”
  • “i learned that from the nancy drew detective handbook.”
  • “if you really are my friend, you’ll drop this.”
some ladynoir stuff
  • chat noir will drape himself over ladybug’s lap during the downtime on their nightly patrols and moan about how awful plagg is just for some head scratches from ladybug (let’s be honest, plagg taught the kitty well; complain and receive cheese/ladybug)
  • they once spent an afternoon atop the notre dame after an akuma attack critiquing civilian’s fashion choices. both learned that their partner has excellent taste in fashion.
    • ladybug: “oh my god is that a man bun? those things should be burned.”
    • chat noir: “who the hell wears crocs anymore? they look like shit, and they make your feel smell. god, shoes have three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and being ugly. it’s quite a feat for one shoe to suck this much. i will judge anyone who wears crocs.”
  • ladybug uses chat noir as a mannequin to measure some of her designs during their downtime. 
  • there are frequent arguments over akuma names because some are too stupid to say aloud. ladybug believes in creativity and free will and vows to let the akumas keep the names they declare themselves with. chat noir files petitions to change many of them because he absolutely refuses to admit he nearly got beat by a Mr. Pigeon.
  • if ladybug and chat noir are literally anywhere together outside in public without an akuma, someone’ll always ask, “are you two together? are you on a date?”. chat has to hold ladybug back from clobbering them.
  • during their stakeouts, chat noir sings “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” and has gotten to 1 before, even though it usually ends up with him getting pitched off a roof.
  • one early morning, there was an akuma battle, and chat noir learned that ladybug has bad bed head. he makes sure to keep a comb in his pocket now at all times for whenever there’s an early battle, and ladybug doesn’t have time to fix her hair before going to school. she doesn’t say it, but she’s really thankful. (also really jealous because tikki, pockets, give me pockets, god fucking damn it)
  •  one time there was a mermaid akuma in the seine and chat noir fell in the water and revealed he couldn’t swim. ladybug saved him and made him take swimming lessons. nothing beats coming to sunday morning swimming lessons and finding one of paris’s famous superheros with floaties and a kick board.
    • you can bet your ass that ladybug constantly makes “a cat to water” jokes every second she can.
  • ladybug keeps a tally of how many puns chat noir makes. his gets to 162 in one night before she sets a limit of 10 puns per day. he breaks it all the time and has to wear the Collar of Shame™ for the rest of the day, which is black collar with a huge pink bow. (ladybug thinks he secretly likes it).
  • chat noir actually hates ladybug’s puns and buys her the “Punning for Dummies” book for Christmas.
    • she gets him “31 Ways Not To Be A Douchebag”.
  •  ladybug doesn’t actually know how to use a real yo-yo. chat noir laughs for two weeks.
  •  ladybug and chat noir regularly attend movies as themselves because no one really knows why the superheroes are going to the movies, but it probably means there’s an akuma or something equally bad so let’s just not go. it just means they get the best seats every time.
  • sometimes when they’re really tired and stressed out, and ladybug is being bossy and chat noir is fed up with hearing it, he’ll say, “okay, deborah” which causes her to pitch him off the eiffel tower.
  • chat noir can never get into a hammock. he always flips over every time he tries to get on one.
  • one time ladybug flubbed a back handspring, and the news stations got it live. chat noir plays it on repeat for a week.
evidence that david wymack is the best character in this entire series, part i

The Foxhole Court

  • “I want my subs at the wall cheering them on, but if you trip up a referee, I will cut you.”
  • “Watch me beam with pride. It’s not your job to take care of yourself anymore.”
  • Wymack sliced a hand across his throat and jerked his thumb over his shoulder. Neil hoped he was right in translating it as “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
  • “Do you have any idea how much I hate coming home and finding you in my apartment?”
  • Wymack only recruited athletes from broken homes. His decision to turn the Foxhole Court into a halfway house of sorts was nice in theory, but it meant his players were fractured isolationists who couldn’t get along long enough to get through a game.
  • “Are you done wasting my oxygen yet?”
  • “Kevin, wake that dingbat without getting punched in the face.”
  • “You have five seconds to get your retarded psycho ass to my apartment! You even think about telling me no and I swear to god I’ll throw Kevin’s contract down the garbage disposal.”
  • “Your opinion has been noted and dismissed,” Wymack said. “Anything else, or are you going to start signing stuff?”
  • “I am going to drop you off at the dorm and spend the rest of the day drinking. Damage control can wait until tomorrow.”
  • “Kevin, you’re out if your hand so much as itches. Don’t be stupid tonight.”
  • “Coach Wymack was the only one I could think of turning to, and he didn’t disappoint me.”
  • Wymack snapped his fingers in front of Andrew’s face, trying to get Andrew to look at him instead of Neil.
  • “Damn it all to hell. Hemmick! You were supposed to wake them up ten miles ago.”
  • “Did you think I made the team the way it is because I thought it would be a good publicity stunt? It’s about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than anyone else wanted to give you.”
  • “We saw their files,” Wymack said. “We chose you.”
  • “Breaking news: I don’t care.”
  • Neil wasn’t quite ready to face Andrew yet and he didn’t want to deal with this teammate’s curiosity over his prolonged absence, so he went to Wymack’s apartment instead.
  • “When I said Abby and I would look out for you, I didn’t mean you should pick a fight with Riko on national television,” Wymack said. “Should I have spelled that out beforehand?”

and my personal favorite for last

  • “God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can’t have nice things.”
Beating major d*ck.

Some people just like to use their power to bash people and degrade people publicly. Whenever I encounter these people I like to grasp the situation firmly in hand and beat them down. In this case I give you special piece of crap we shall call D*ck. D*ck is a older guy who has worked for a branch of state law enforcement for many years. He was very vocal about being three years away from full state retirement and about his rank in state gov.

I was working as a contractor doing some I.T. work. We had a large group to move the department forward at least 10 years technology wise. It was all hands on deck to prep computers for the incoming new computers and of course setting up the new ones. In my case as a coder/network grunt I was being ‘borrowed’ and more than happy to help.

D*ck was the only jerk out of at least 300 people I had enjoyably encountered. He complained about anything he could figure to complain about and would go over the departments managers heads to complain. Part of what I was asked to do was inventory their software used, directories mapped, and to copy files to their new network folders. Keep in mind we did a copy of the data and not a move. When new computers arrived the network copy served as a way to making sure the data was backed up before it was cloned over to the new system. D*ck was livid that someone touched his computer and swore we deleted a file we could not find.

I was marched up to his office with my management team and the department’s senior. I promptly found his file on his new system (and on the network). I happened to notice that he had newly installed a newsreader but did not say anything about it. I knew if I called him out on it I would get canned and they would not look into it. Instead I opened the reader while D*ck was bashing me in the hallway to his audience and changed his preferences. Now the files would not delete when they were read or deleted. Keeping in mind this was in the late 90’s and the internet was still a new thing for many. A lot of people would download their porn from newsgroups (usenet) by using a newsreader to download everything new dumped in the selected group (think like a folder). Groups would follow a theme or where supposed to. The reader would put all the pieces together so you could see the images or video and copy them to folders. I was made to apologize  in front of him and marched off in shame. D*ck was really throbbing with all of his smugness.

I was passed off from that project to just doing a rework of some DOS based software. I told my suck up manager that a lot of people were downloading and installing software on their own. My manager clicked that it was work we could be tasked with doing to create billable hours and that he could score suckup points with. This in turn created various email distributions and policy updates. I also point out that we need something about appropriate usage - great! The policy also now highlights that any private use on government equipment is subject to the same rules as fraud - perfect. This helps later because there is NO wiggle room for offenders. In turn my manager was more than pleased with me and treated me golden - hell he even bought me lunch.

I quickly forgot all about D*ck and found myself expanding the list of software that needed to be rewritten by me. This kept me busy and extended my contract. My boss was happy, my agency was happy, and my clients were very happy.

Fast forward few months later. I get back to the office and the bosses are there looking for a coworker. They asked me if I knew anything about d*cks new system and I told them HELL no. They walk off and told me if I saw the coworker to send him over.

When my coworker (who was an employee and not a contractor) returned I told him about the managers, my encounter with Major D*ck and tipped him off about the newsreader. My coworkers eyes lit up and he stood straight like a huge weight had been lifted. It turns out that D*ck once again had senior staff watch the 'stupid idiot’ fix the computer that the “tech broke being incompetent’. Surprise - It turns out it was out of disk space and would not re-start. The tech had to boot from a disk and delete temp files just to boot. In front of everyone the tech points out that one directory was filling the drive with images. Once he had everyone’s attention he then popped open some images. Porn immediately filled the screen including some very sketchy stuff from what I hear.

The tech was ushered out and D*ck lost his job. Instead of putting D*ck into jail they covered asses and terminated him. No job, no power, and pension for you D*CK.

iiithisismyusernameiii  asked:

I know this isn't your norm but can we have some kind of SuperCorp Bridal Style something? Because you know they are obviously dating now... right?

“Oh come on, Alex, she totally knows.”

Alex pffts and looks away and looks back and looks away and looks back.

“Noooo.”

“Alex. Yes. She does.”

Alex squints and leans across the bar to get a better look at Lena, at the way she’s fawning over Kara, at the way Kara’s leaning into her, the way Kara’s arm looks like it’s just twitching to toss itself over Lena’s shoulders.

“I’m not saying she doesn’t like Kara for Kara – hell, she seems even more in love with Kara than she’s enamored with Supergirl – but I’m saying, Danvers. She’s not stupid. And we’ve already agreed that the glasses really…”

“Are ridiculous, yeah,” Alex murmurs distractedly, staring all the harder at her sister and her sister’s maybe-not-really-what-are-you-talking-about-Alex-we’re-just-friends-come-on-I-mean-sure-I-like-her-what’s-not-to-like okay-I’m-gonna-stop-you-right-there-Little-Danvers-because-what’s-not-to-like-is-literally-the-phrase-your-sister-used-about-me-right-before-she-became-my-girlfriend girlfriend.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Lena asks Kara on the other side of the bar when she catches Alex and Maggie both staring.

Kara has to try – hard – not to tell her exactly what Alex and Maggie are talking about, because in a bar this crowded, this loud, there would be no other way to explain her knowledge except superhearing. And she’s going to tell Lena – really, she is – but not yet, because she’s terrified, because Lena likes Kara for Kara, which is unbelievable and amazing but what if when she realizes that Kara is also Supergirl, she doesn’t like her for… her… anymore?

But she can’t say all that, not yet, not yet, so she splutters and she adjusts her glasses and she tries very hard not to spill her club soda all over her baby blue collared shirt that Lena had commented earlier brought out her eyes beautifully.

“Oh, um… probably… girlfriend stuff. Definitely girlfriend stuff.” She adds an authoritative nod for good measure, and Lena’s laughter sounds like faerie wings, and Kara’s heart leaps because she’s laughing, but she’s not laughing at Kara, and that… she… is perfect.

“Girlfriend stuff,” Lena deadpans, her voice rich and low and full of barely contained amusement.

Kara adjusts her glasses again. “Yeah. Like uh… what… hey, what do girlfriends talk about, anyway?”

Lena takes a long sip of her wine, and Kara tries – and fails – not to look at her lips.

“The same things we do, probably,” Lena answers after a thoughtful swallow, and Kara’s stomach flips because sometimes she thinks she knows Lena so well, but when they go anywhere near… this territory… she just can’t figure out what her feelings are… if she’s just happy to have a friend, or if these dates they’ve been going on are actually… you know…. dates.

She should ask Alex. Or Maggie. Or both. But not now. Not now, because now, Lena is draining her wine and standing up and Kara’s ex-boyfriend – not the amazing one – naturally chooses that moment to cross behind her, causing Lena to overbalance, to stumble, to start to fall.

Kara doesn’t think and she doesn’t calculate. She just sweeps one arm under Lena’s thighs and the other, strong around her back, scooping her up bridal style so she doesn’t fall, so she doesn’t roll her ankle, so she doesn’t…

But oh. Oh. Oh no.

Because now Lena’s breath is hitched and Alex and Maggie’s jaws are both on the bar and Lena’s pupils are dilating and her breath smells of wine and nothing has ever smelled so perfect and Kara can hear her heartbeat, feel it, and she hasn’t had anything but club soda but Rao does she suddenly feel drunk, and Rao is Lena’s body warm, and Lena’s arms are wrapped around her neck and Lena is speaking, softly, speaking, low, speaking, intimate.

“Well, these arms certainly do feel familiar,” Lena’s practically whispering, and it doesn’t matter that the bar is crowded, and it doesn’t matter that the bar is loud, and it doesn’t even matter that Kara has superhearing: the words penetrate her every cell with subtle, heated precision.

“I… I didn’t want you to… fall,” Kara splutters, and neither woman says anything about the fact that Kara still hasn’t put her down.

“Oh, Kara Danvers,” Lena husks softly, “I told you. You are my hero. I know you’d never let me fall” She brings her lips to Kara’s ear easily, protective of her secrets, of her safety, of her comfort and of her happiness. “Whether you’re in or out of that suit and cape.”

Heat sears throughout Kara’s entire body, and she has no words because she barely has breath, and she pulls back so she can look Lena in the eyes, and Rao she can’t help the way she glances down at her lips once, twice, three times, until Lena breathes, until Lena wets them, until Kara can’t take it anymore and closes the gap, because she can’t process anything except Lena, Lena, Lena.

They startle apart at a loud whoop from across the bar, and Kara sets Lena down gently, carefully, though they stay entangled in each other’s arms, entangled in each other’s breath.

“Boom! You owe me that flash grenade, Danvers!” 

“I never said the glasses aren’t ridiculous!”

“Flash grenade!”

“Do we want to know why your sister’s girlfriend wants a flash grenade to begin with?” Lena grins into Kara’s ear.

“Not even a little bit,” Kara grins, and finishes what she started, and Rao, are Lena’s lips soft, and perfect, and smiling into their kiss, and Rao, Rao, Rao, she likes me for me, for me, for me.

A Hunter’s Guide to Effective Pick Up Lines, as Organized by Guardian Type

Titans:

  • How many corpses did you leave in your wake when you shoulder-charged your way out of heaven?
  • You’ve skated directly into my heart.
  • Did you just polish that plate? Because I can see myself in your armor.
  • Is that a towel on your butt, or are you just wearing a towel on your butt?
  • Want to share my cloak? Naked?

Warlocks

  • Hey, want to make like a couple of particles and smash into each other a bunch, but in a sexy way?
  • Guess who’s got two thumbs and is a paracausal, undead killing machine with a respectable sex drive and several centuries worth of experience?
  • Your robes would look way less dumb on my bedroom floor.
  • I didn’t understand any of the words you just used.
  • What the hell is a quark?

Hunters

  • That cloak looks like it’s big enough for two.
  • Want to go get drunk and do something stupid?
  • Nice cloak. Mine’s nicer.
  • Bet I can undress before you can.
  • I expect you to keep me up all night long. Otherwise, I might have a nightmare and kill you in my sleep.

- A Hunter’s Guide to Survival // Anonymous