i look like a pretzel

“We are so lucky we had @hallublin to educate us on the#philly #pretzel ! #nomnom #glenside

From the Night Vale Official Instagram.

Late Night || Baekhyun ||

“Oh my god!” I heard through the wall. Rolling my eyes, I put my pillow over my ears to block out the screams and moans coming from the room next to mine.

“Jesus Christ.” I groaned, getting up and throwing on a sweatshirt and sweats over my underwear. Grabbing my ice bucket, I left my room, walking by the room next to me. A girl was screaming her lungs out while the bed was creaking and banging against the wall. This has been going on for the past hour and a half.

“Someone is horny, damn.” Shuffling down the hall slowly, I turned the corner and saw someone useing the ice machine. I sighed and sat down against the wall.

“Hm? Oh sorry, I thought I was the only one up.” The guy said in a sweet voice. He turned around and it took all my might to keep my mouth shut. I was in complete awe at how perfect this man was. His jawline was razor sharp, his eyes were dark brown and his hair was a light red. I felt my heart almost jump out of my chest.

“N-No it’s fine. I’ll just wait here. It’s quieter out here than in my room.” I stated as the guy sat next to me.

“Yeah sorry about that. That’s my friend Sehun. He always brings in some chick when he thinks we performed well.” He explained as I stood up. I felt his eyes on me as I filled my ice bucket.

“So, how old are you? You seem a little young to be on your own in L.A.” He said quietly. I sighed and turned around.

“I’m 19. I’m here visiting family.” Turning back around, I tried to put a dollar in the vending machine but it got spit out.

“Oh? You’re very pretty for your age. Your boyfriend is lucky.” Huffing, I tried to put the dollar back in but it got spit out again.

“Don’t have one.” I replied. Trying one last time, it got spit out a third time. Glaring at the machine, I crossed my arms.

“Really? Why?” I heard the guy get up and come towards me.

“Simple. Guys my age don’t know how treat me.” I looked at the guy as he stepped in front of me and put a dollar in and it got accepted.

“Hmm, seems legit. Now what’s good in this thing?” He asked, looking at the various choices.

“Honsetly, I like the chocolate covered pretzels. But it’s up to you.” Sighing, I sat against the wall again. The guy pressed the buttons A and 2 and bought the chocolate covered pretzels. Sitting next to me, he looked at me and smiled.

“Hi. My name’s Baekhyun, nice to meet you.” My heart skipped a beat as this beautiful man smiled at me. Baekhyun held out the bag of pretzels towards me.

“Yeah. I’m Y/N.” I said quietly, taking a pretzel. We talked for a while, he explained his job and apologized for his friend, Sehun. Pretty soon we were out of pretzels and he had no more money and my dollar didn’t work.

“Well, it’s pretty late. We should probably head back to our rooms.” I stated, stretching up. That’s when I felt a hand on my arm. Turning my head, I felt a pair of lips on mine. My eyes widened but soon I kissed back, the kiss going from sweet to rough in seconds. Soon, Baekhyun had me on my feet, against the wall with his hand down my pants and his lips on mine.

“W-Wait….sh-shouldn’t we go to y-your room?” I moaned out, his lips traveling from my lips to my neck.

“Good idea.” Was all he siad as he picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. We went from wall to wall as he took us to his room, fumbling in his pocket for the key to his room. A few more moans left my mouth as I was soon against his door. Baekhyun opened it and he brought us in, closing it with his foot. Throwing me onto the bed, my sweartshirt and my sweats were ripped off my body, leaving me in just my underwear.

“No bra?” He teased, going to the hem of my underwear and licking from there up my stomach and to my neck, biting my earlobe. My breath hitched and my hands went to his shirt, ripping it off his body reavealing his slightly toned body. Baekhyun kissed my lips roughly with his knee rubbing on my throbbing womanhood. I wanted him and I wanted him now.

“Baekhyun~ Baekhyun please~” I moaned loudly, pushing myself down against his knee. He smiled and looked me in the eyes before giving my lips one more deep kiss before going down to my lower region and pulling down my underwear, leaving me fully naked on the bed. I closed my eyes, waiting for the contact and when it happened it felt amazing. It didn’t take long for me to realize he was eating me out. My hands went right to his red hair and I cried out in pleasure. Waves of pleasure ran though my body as his tongue went deeper and hit my g-spot.

“Fuck! Oh my god Baekhyun~” My grip tightened on his hair as I tugged a little at his hair. I felt him smirk against me while he took his thumb and rubbed it against my clit at a very fast pace.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Baekhyun groaned, getting up and taking off his pants and boxers. I whined at the loss of friction. Baekhyun came up and kissed me sweetly before slowly pushing himself inside me. Tears came to my eyes while I bit his bottom lip lightly, trying to push the pain away.

“You okay?” He mummered into the kiss, his hands on my waist. I nodded slightly and blinked away my tears, moving my hips in a slow, circular motion. Baekhyun groaned and moved to my neck, biting it.

“Move…” I said quietly and he didn’t hesitate to slam into me. I cried out and gripped his back, clawing down it. As my moans got louder, the faster Baekhyun went. The bed started to creak and soon the only sounds were our moans, skin slapping and the bed creaking. 

“I’m close Baekhyun…..” I whimpered, but then we heard a knock on his door. He didn’t stop but he put his hand over my mouth so I didn’t say anything or make any noise.

“Who is it?” He asked in a normal voice. I closed my eyes while Baekhyun went faster.

“Baekhyun hyung? It’s Kai. We’re all going to Chanyeol’s room! You wanna come along?” The voice outside asked. My hips bucked which gave him access to my g-spot and I almost lost it.

“UH, I’m in the shower! I’m gonna go to sleep afterwards! Not gonna make it!” He looked at me and smiled before kissing my quickly.

“OKay hyung. See you tomorrow I guess.” Once we thought he walked away, Baekhyun removed his hand and I started to moan again. Soon I hit my climax which set Baekhyun off. Baekhyun fell beside me and smiled at me.

“How was that?” I looked at him and kissed his lips deeply.

“That was amazing. Wait, how old are you?” I asked, considering he looked about my age.

“25. Why?” My eyes widened.

“You just……you look so young! I thought you were around my age.” I explained, wrapping my arms around his torso.

“So, will I see you in the morning?” He looked at me with pleading eyes as if I was going to leave in the middle of the night while he was sleeping.

“Of course you will. Maybe longer after that if you want.” I whispered to him, kissing him on the lips lightly before lying against him and falling asleep.
——-
a/n: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS WAS CRINGY AND SUPER BAD!

Originally posted by baekheeyeol

‘’aahahahaha I can’t! He looks like a pretzel!”

So dancinggrimm, here’s your prize C: and I’m oh so glad I managed to convert the autosave into an dmx and saved this piece

The prices was based on a scene of this fic they wrote. I recommend you to read it cause you will laugh like hell just like Demo and Spy B)


And if we’re at it. I also suggest you to read theyre contest entry (and grab a tissue while you’re at it :’) )

Hope you like it c:

Got a lil emotional about something and then went to get something to eat and found that my pretzel bites are missing and like, it was the exact level of irritating and distressing that I genuinely nearly broke into tears???

And like, fuck man, I was writing this to be like ‘just deal with the other thing ya nerd’ but no, I think it’s really just the pretzels. I bought them myself! I put them aside!!! I want to eat them!!!!! IT’S REALLY DISTRESSING!!!

Today, I fucked up... by pulling a prank on my family

My mom got me some chocolate covered pretzel bits for Christmas and they literally looked like shit. I told my parents and they said they look like pretzels and told me to stop being ungrateful. After everyone went to bed, I put a few of my chocolate pretzels outside of the cat litter box to make it look like the cat got poop everywhere. The next morning I come downstairs and my family is complaining about the cat poop, so I decide to be funny and pick one up and take a bite out of it and laugh at everybody because I was right about the pretzels looking like shit. I take a bite. It’s soft. It’s not a chocolate pretzel, it’s fucking shit. My family is howling with laughter as I run to the bathroom. They knew what I had done and replaced my pretzels with actual cat shit. I don’t think I can ever show my face around my family again. They keep telling me I can clean the litter box if I get hungry.

CuddlySpaceKittens

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

Today, I fucked up by pulling a prank on my family

My mom got me some chocolate covered pretzel bits for Christmas and they literally looked like shit. I told my parents and they said they look like pretzels and told me to stop being ungrateful. After everyone went to bed, I put a few of my chocolate pretzels outside of the cat litter box to make it look like the cat got shit everywhere. The next morning I come downstairs and my family is complaining about the cat shit, so I decide to be funny and pick one up and take a bite out of it and laugh at everybody because I was right about the pretzels looking like shit. I take a bite. It’s soft. It’s not a chocolate pretzel, it’s fucking shit. My family is howling with laughter as I run to the bathroom. They knew what I had done and replaced my pretzels with actual cat shit. I don’t think I can ever show my face around my family again. They keep telling me I can clean the litter box if I get hungry.

Annotation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-y-c0P87nk

Credit: CuddlySpaceKittens@Reddit

Today, I fucked up by pulling a prank on my family.

My mom got me some chocolate covered pretzel bits for Christmas and they literally looked like shit.

I told my parents and they said they look like pretzels and told me to stop being ungrateful. After everyone went to bed, I put a few of my chocolate pretzels outside of the cat litter box to make it look like the cat got shit everywhere. The next morning I come downstairs and my family is complaining about the cat shit, so I decide to be funny and pick one up and take a bite out of it and laugh at everybody because I was right about the pretzels looking like shit. I take a bite. It’s soft. It’s not a chocolate pretzel, it’s fucking shit.

My family is howling with laughter as I run to the bathroom. They knew what I had done and replaced my pretzels with actual cat shit. I don’t think I can ever show my face around my family again. They keep telling me I can clean the litter box if I get hungry.

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My lovely little sprite

SIMON

I’ve killed literal, actual dragons, I reminded myself. There’s no reason to be scared. No reason at all.

And yet, with Baz and I’s daughter blinking up at me, patiently waiting to be entertained before bed, I was about to throw up all over the princess duvet.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, love,” Baz had said this morning. Packing away ties and other useless articles of clothing for his conference, completely oblivious to me, melting. Dying, in fact.

“Bazzy,” I whined, “You’re the one that puts Natasha to sleep every night. I’m not qualified.”

He pinned me with a look I knew all too well. It spoke volumes. He didn’t even need to say, “You’re being a fucking idiot,” but he did anyway.

He was going away for three days. This was the first time I would be alone with our daughter, and I couldn’t believe he didn’t see the issue. We’d adopted her a while ago and we had a routine, the three of us. Not exactly rules, but certainly something. And he was going to go off and muck it all up.

Like, for instance, the only thing Natasha had teethed on was my tail. The only tea she would drink had to be made by Baz. The only scones she ate were cherry. She got up in the morning with me, and she went to bed with Baz.

The one she was closer to was Baz.

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Maybe it's too late

TITLE: Maybe it’s too late

CHAPTER NUMBER/ONE SHOT: one shot

AUTHOR : tomcuddlesfic

WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Actor Tom

GENRE:  romance / fluff /angst

FIC SUMMARY: Troubles hit paradise.

RATING: T

AUTHORS NOTES/WARNINGS: This was supposed to be short but it turned out pretty lengthy. Tell me what you think!

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