i look like a dumb turtle

Why John Laurens Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Own a Turtle

Or, Alternatively Titled, Just How Wrong You Could Be

pairing: john laurens x reader fluff!

word count: 1400

warnings: some sassiness (i hope its not… too mean), i don’t think there’s any swears, but i could be wrong

prompt/request: “Can you do a fic of laurens x Reader and the reader is head strong and sassy and they get a pet chocolate lab and a turtle? Thank you if you get to this!” from @bluu-lane

a/n: this is such a cute request, i thought it would be really good to start off the week with! lil’ fluffy, and a lil’ silly <3 also, ‘Y/G/N’ stands for ‘your grandpas name’! just a helpful tidbit for you as you read along :) enjoy! <3


John,” you told him sternly. “We are not getting a turtle.”

John stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. “But have you seen them?” he asked, turning his phone towards you. “Look how cute they are, with their little faces and-”

“They look like my grandpa,” you told him. “Every. Single. One.”

A laugh escaped his mouth and he shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t want a turtle, do you?”

“I don’t want our pet to die because you neglect it,” you answered.

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mr right rp starters

❛ my name is _____, and i’m a t. rex! ❜  
❛ do my boobs look like a butt? ❜  
❛ yeah, this is super-fucked. ❜  
❛ i like your nail polish. ❜  
❛ don’t hurt my feelings, _____. ❜  
❛ nobody’s perfect. ❜  
❛ she takes direct eye contact as a sign of aggression. ❜  
❛ this is my whole zone! ❜  
❛ you stop judging me, ‘cause these are my favorite socks! and I have only been drinking for two days. ❜  
❛ and you smell weird! i’m sorry. you don’t. ❜  
❛ someone’s gotta return the van after he kills you all. ❜  
❛ who shoots cake? ❜  
 ❛ this would have been such a nice wedding. ❜  
❛ well, that was fun… ish. ❜  
❛ i wanna do something terrible. ❜  
❛ i’m the fucking man right now! ❜  
❛ you’re so good to me. ❜  
❛ am I just like suckball mcgee over here? ❜  
❛ why are you wearing cat ears? ❜  
❛ well, I feel beautiful. ❜  
❛ enough condoms here to choke a goat. ❜  
❛ i don’t know what i just said. ❜  
❛ is it creepy? sometimes i don’t know i’m being creepy. ❜  
❛ these guys wish they were as creepy as i am. ❜  
❛ was that cartoon character bothering you? 'cause I’ll kick his ass. ❜  
❛ i’m more fun than a barrel of kittens. ❜  
❛ that’s actually really fucking creepy. ❜  
❛ are you… what are you, the hot dog police? ❜  
❛ are you new to eating? ❜  
❛ no, this was a conscious decision. i’m completely fucking bananas. ❜  
❛ what is a dinosaur, other than a dragon? ❜  
❛ you’re just the corniest person I’ve ever met. ❜  
❛ i’m the crazy guy that _____ met at the supermarket. now I know where you live. ❜  
❛ yeah! hang out till infinity! ❜  
❛ if I’m being jumpy, i’m just a little nervous. i think i like you. ❜  
❛ when I was little, i had this fantasy i was dating lex luthor. ❜  
❛ can you fry whip cream? ❜  
❛ yeah, just stockholm syndrome me. ❜  
❛ hey, you wanna do, like, a role-play thing? ❜  
❛ hey, did you have to finish a book on tape? ❜  
❛ after killing that guy, you must be exhausted. ❜  
❛ i feel like i’ve been in a coma with you. ❜  
❛ i don’t remember what my life was like before three days ago. ❜  
❛ i… saw your, um… the scar on your back. ❜  
❛ are you upset 'cause I killed that guy? ❜  
❛ i’m just panic-rationalizing this to myself. ❜  
❛ i-i’m gonna shoot you in the armpit. ❜  
❛ how about if i shoot you in the eye? ❜  
❛ live in there now, in silence. ❜  
❛ oh, my god, stop talking. i’m totally into it. ❜  
❛ i can’t kill anybody. last time i killed somebody, you really freaked out. ❜  
❛ thank you for not taking me hostage. ❜  
❛ that’s what happens when you craigslist criminals. ❜  
❛ you used to be like the grim reaper. ❜  
❛ i lost track of my dumb decisions a long time ago. ❜  
❛ you’re so fucked. ❜  
❛ good luck, buddy. ❜  
❛ do you hate me? you wanna kill me? is that important to you? ❜  
❛ you know what? i like you more than those motherfuckers anyway, man. ❜  
❛ you just like me tied up. you pervert. ❜  
❛ i like turtles, you dick! ❜  
❛ i told you this would happen! ❜  
❛ i am a t. rex! i am invincible! ❜  
❛ i might not be the good guy or whatever, but it takes one to know one. ❜  
❛ you look like a fucking psychopath right now. ❜  
❛ who the fuck wants to be normal anyway? ❜  
❛ baby, your pupils are super-dilated. ❜  
❛ did you get shot in the face? ❜  
❛ i got shot in the face. ❜  
❛ that’s a clean sweep. you got all the main bad guys. ❜  
❛ i… i make shit happen. ❜  
❛ fucking t. rex. ❜  
❛ hey, listen. we gotta go to the hospital real bad. ❜  
❛ where do you wanna go first? ❜  
❛ don’t make me choose.  you know I’m bad at this. i’m so indecisive, it’s like torture. ❜  

4

this is The first time i’ve posted my face on here so Bear with my and the corner of my face and my dumb 8yr old brother,, ANyway here is my lock screen + home screen + selfie + last song i listened too!! i was tagged by @01kyla (ty jamie!!!) i tag @whereisyixing @irenesgf @1violet @1renes @lpharrys

5

In The Weight of Jade by @thelastpilot I kinda want Nino to rant to his best friend about all the new burdens he’s taking on. You know just to get it off his chest and destress a little. 

BUT on the other hand I want Alya to find out that Jade Turtle is basically training to be the human miraculous wiki. Which is probably going to stress him out even further, because Alya has hit an info jackpot. Who is also cute and she can hit on said jackpot- I mean what? Girl is not going to let this boy go now. Nope, sorry, Nino, you’re basically married now. Alya’s probably claimed that little turtle butt of yours.

Not pictured is Wayzz probably being reminded what it is like to have a teenaged chosen. Because wow look at all mental images springing up because Alya is all press up against him. “Nino, say something. Stop thinking about her boobs.” Wayzz probably to help, but Nino is probably just internally dying already.

*whispers* I butchered borrowed @tides-miraculous ‘s design because I’m not creative enough to design a turtle suit.

Submission: I'm a trust fund, baby, you can trust me!

“Hey Aaron!” Alex called out to Burr. Burr heard Alex. He goes to him dragging  along his toy cat, Theo. Alex whispered to Burr. “I got something to tell you!” Aaron listens carefully. “I think, Angelica LIKES you!” Alex lied. 

Aaron was shocked. He couldn’t say a word. Angelica Schuyler likes him? He looks at Theo. “If Angelica likes me, what about Theo?” He thinks to himself. 

Alexander sees Angelica in the distance, she was reading her new “Let’s think!” book, by Tom Payne. 

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My Doomsday

Batman vs. Superman, while certainly having more than its share of flaws, was an okay movie. As bloated and overstuffed as it was, I thought it was alright… except for one monstrous fatal flaw:

DOOMSDAY LOOKED FUCKIN DUMB. They took one of the coolest looking villains in DC Comics and turned him into a bland lump of crap. It’s like the cave troll from Lord of the Rings and the new ninja turtles spawned an ugly bastard child together. Look, I know it’s not the concept artist’s fault. The producers and director are the ones who ask for certain things and have the final call. Hindsight is 20/20, and it’s easy for anybody to say “I could do better.”

But, as Crow T. Robot once said, “I’m hurting, I’ve got to lash out, and we’re gonna see this through to the end.”

So what would I do?

Let me say first, I kinda liked the idea that he started off bland and fetal, and became bigger the more he got injured. Problem is, he never really got much cooler. Even his final form was bland and troll-like. So, during downtime at work, I sketched out my own version of his life cycle.

Stage 1: Straight out of the Kryptonian birth chamber. Lumpy, mutated, fetal. Almost pathetic, with an umbilical cord/like appendage sprouting from the back of his head (reminiscent of Doomsday’s weird ponytail from the comics). Though malformed and immature, he’s still huge and very powerful. His fight with Superman begins.

Stage 2: Doomsday begins to change. Blunt force trauma to the head has caused bony spines and ridges to sprout from his skin in response. He becomes tougher, stronger, and more aggressive. Batman enters the fight.

Stage 3: Doomsday lets loose his eye beams for the first time, blasting away more of his flesh and inducing more jagged spines to erupt. He acquires his signature “spike beard”. The umbilical cord withers away, and his musculature and armor increases exponentially. Wonder Woman enters the fight, and Doomsday’s strength is now nigh-unstoppable. Superman carries him into the low atmosphere, where the military nukes him.

Stage 4: All hope is gone. The nuclear blast provokes Doomsday into his ultimate form. Now a mass of impenetrable armor plating, every inch of his body is a deadly weapon. Even his eyes are protected by ribbed protrusions (again a nod to his original appearance in the comics). Superman’s only chance is to plunge Batman’s Kryptonite spear down Doomsday’s throat, an attack that will cost him his life.

Superman kills Doomsday, Superman dies, then doesn’t really die. Roll credits.

If I had my way, the movie wouldn’t have used Doomsday at all, and saved him as a more climactic villain later down the road. But hey, I don’t work for Warner Brothers, so what do I know? After all, the movie did sooo well and was sooo loved by critics and fans, surely they knew what they were doing.

Bitter? I’m not bitter YOU’RE BITTER

i love how wirt sometimes has these little moments where he shows how much he actually loves greg like

“isn’t it funny how all these turtles are in an abandoned house”

dumb nerd smiles for ONE SPLIT SECOND at his sweet little brother’s goofiness before going back to Serious Wirt but he DOES look at that face look at those brothers look at the love he always loved that little nugget child

A letter to the internet. Or to whom it may concern. Or just a letter.

Dear you.

I want to start with a little disclaimer. Opinions below are my own and in no way represent the opinions of other asexuals and people in general. Those are just my thoughts. Nothing more, nothing less.

To be honest, I don’t know why I’m writing this. I just am. I guess I just want to talk about who I am.

I’m asexual.  And, you know, I came a long way to this realization. It all started out with me in a biology class being told about puberty and sexual attraction. Young me thought: ”yeah cool whatever. I’m still a kid I don’t need none of your sexy stuff”.  Then I grew up into a preteen.  I think I was too preoccupied by ornithology and bird watching to think about anything else. Huzzah, I became a teenager. Nothing much changed, I was a bird-obsessed wannabe rebel. I got over ornithology by the time I was 15 and kinda hung around doing nothing (still a wannabe rebel though) when I noticed my peers. I guess I was too busy looking for European turtle doves to notice that others were deep in the dating game, guys bragging about how many “chicks they scored” and girls huddling up in gangs and discussing stuff I was never told about. I felt like l missed something! Why (and how) were everyone getting boyfriends/girlfriends and should I get one too? What does one do with a date? What the hell is going on?

Ok, maybe I am playing dumb just a tad. Of course I knew what that was all about. But what I didn’t get was why? Am I missing something? Plus I was a kind of hermit crab so I didn’t really spend much time with my peers.

I somehow managed to avoid the topic of sex until I was 16. I was a sweet, smol, innocent and naïve cinnamon roll. And I suppose I was a bit overly friendly with some people… who regarded my friendliness in a more of a romantic way. My friend asked me out and I was like: “oh yeah hang-out time with mah buuuud!” but yeah no, half way it all clicked. The next few months things got a bit weird between us… we drifted apart and I blame myself for everything up to this day. Anyway, I spent those months thinking about what’s wrong with me. Looking at the difference between me and my peers, I understood that the reason why intimacy creeped me out, why I didn’t understand dating was because I never experienced attraction. It all finally clicked! I never regarded anyone in a sexual way, I never understood why date if you’re friends and can just hang out and I never thought any other way. It was normal for me.

I was brought up by my mum. She and dad lived separately since I was 5 and she didn’t date anyone else.  So I suppose that’s why romantic/sexual relationships slipped out of my view. And that’s ok. I’m completely fine.  

Honestly, I don’t know how I stumbled over asexuality. But once I found out what it was, I understood that that’s who I am. That I’m not alone.  I’m not ill. Reading more, I discovered an amazing community of people just like me, who were happy and proud with who they are. it made such an impact on me, that I started to accept myself and find pride. I finally felt right.

The next step was to come out. The single thought of me coming out about something was very entertaining! First I talked to my friend (the one I mentioned earlier). I told about me being asexual and hoped to be met with understanding. And I was. My dear dear friend supported me completely and stands by my side to this day. Because of that I got the courage to come out to my sister. She was just as loving. In fact, she later then told me that identifies herself as aromatic! Mum was the tricky part, and I didn’t quite tell her. Not in fear of receiving hate towards my persona, no I’m sure she will understand too, I think she will regard my asexuality as “just a phase”. So I think I’ll wait a bit longer.

So that’s it. That’s the story of my realization.

Today I glanced at my black ring on my middle finger and smiled. It reminds me of who my am and the fact that I accept who I am every single day.

Sure, I still face different challenges when it comes to asexuality. I think all ace people do. Like I mentioned, I’m very friendly, maybe too friendly, and I tend to smile at strangers which results in awkward misunderstandings… or when people check me out on the street or wink at me in a weird way it’s a bit uncomfortable, but oh well…

Sometimes I think how sexualized our society is. Are people ok with that? Doesn’t it bother them that a simple taxi ad is topped off with a skimpy dressed winking woman? (honestly what’s up with sexy winks??) Or that in most shaving cream ads I see guys who are probably supposed to be naked but the camera doesn’t pan down enough to for me to check if that’s true or not.  That can’t be right.

I know sex is supposed to be this thing people enjoy, but not like this! This looks more like obsession. Yes, sex sells, but dang, it’s getting weird.  

And it’s not only the media, some people have a matching mindset! This one time I was talking about asexuality and was met with peculiar words: “don’t experience sexual attraction? Wow, are you even human? How does one live like that?!”. And that made me think – if that person regards sex as the sole purpose of life, how are you any different a rabbit of some sort? No, even rabbits have other interests. They at least like carrots and hopping around and whatever it is what rabbits like.

I guess I still didn’t fully grasp the mentality of our society, but I still have time to do that.

Anyway, I’m glad I wrote this letter. Maybe it doesn’t have a purpose and is all over the place, but I enjoyed getting it all out.

Love, X.

how 2 name australian animals

where is it (normally like a compass thingy idk what its called)

what is looks like (normally a defining feature)

what is it

examples

eastern blue tongue lizard, northern hairy nosed wombat, central bearded dragon, southern spotted quoll, eastern long neck turtle, southern cassowary (the defining feature is that they are a cassowary), eastern grey kangaroo, western grey kangaroo (some have very similar names with one different word)

Day 26: Favourite Starter

Squirtle was the only reason I got into Pokemon.

I wouldn’t have bothered otherwise! I used to see the ads for Red/Blue play in commercials and I didn’t pay much mind to it, if anything I found it annoying because of how often it played and also because they all looked kind of ugly to me. I dunno, I was a bit more “ehhh” about “japanese” stuff back in the day, like certain habits with the style like the triangle mouths and the sweatdrops and such. I remember watching an episode of Sailor Moon and disliking it because of some dumb point to prove as a self-proclaimed angry 10yo tomboy. I was very fickle with shows back in the day. But I digress, I basically just had no interest in Pokemon.

Until my brother mentioned Squirtle.

“Hey there’s a cartoon starting in a few days that has this really cute turtle, it has a squirrel tail I think? But it’s a turtle! I’m sure you’ll like it”

I was instantly interested.

I was obsessed with turtles back then. I would draw them, write about them, I even owned some turtles. They were my favourite animal and I was pretty obnoxious with letting everyone know that. I still remember having to write a paper about a “turtle man” in school, like I saw a documentary on TV about a man who was called the “turtle man” and I would subject one of my oldest friends to proofreading all my stupid turtle-related essays. My teacher noticed I always picked my one friend to proofread all my essays when students had to pair up. So she (or he? God I don’t remember) forced me to pair up with someone else and give them the essay. My friend was used to my crazy dumb obsession with Sonic and turtles, but nobody else was. I still remember the kid that was picked saying out loud “TURTLE MAN?” and people laughing at me and I was embarrassed and furious and IT SURE IS FUNNY HOW YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER THE WORST MOST TRIVIAL THINGS HUH

like how i can’t think about turtles for too long anymore without getting tear-filled upset because.. remember those turtles I mentioned that I owned? They starved to death in a box. Because I forgot to feed them. I assumed the turtles were hibernating because they refused to eat, and I guess I forgot to check on them once in a while and.. one day I remembered to take them out with my brother and they were rock-solid dead. OH BOY OH BOY HOW UPSET IT MAKES ME, so much guilt. I mean I even talked to a doctor about this and she even said that it’s weird for me to beat myself up about it, i was like nine or ten or something. I was a dumb kid who shoulda had supervision when it came to the turtles. My parents shoulda been paying attention as well. I felt it was up to just my brother and I to care for them. But it still makes me feel really freaken bad. And it kinda sucks that that ruined my entire adoration of turtles.

Man I still remember quite recently, like last year? We were watching Iron Chef and it was a special episode where he had his three favourite foods I believe? And one of them was turtle. And I literally cried like full-on crying for like an hour. Like heaving crying, and Souppy turned off the episode RIGHT when he showed the turtles, like we didn’t even see the whole episode! But I just flipped my shit at that.

ANYWAY POINT IS I REALLY REALLY LOVE(D) TURTLES

and so I watched the first episode of Pokemon because I REALLY WANTED TO SEE THIS TURTLE MY BROTHER WAS TALKING ABOUT. I saw it in the opening and I was freaken PUMPED. Like HOLY SHIT IT’S A CUTE TURTLE

LOOK AT THE CUTE TURTLE RUN UP TO ASH AND HAVE THEM MAKE THAT STUPID TRIANGLE-SMILING MOUTH THAT I HATED AS A KID. I DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THE TRIANGLE-SMILING MOUTH BECAUSE IT IS AN ADORABLE TURTLE RUNNING UP TO THEM I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL IT’S THE MAIN CHARACTER

MAN

MY BROTHER TOLD ME IT WAS GONNA BE THE MAIN CHARACTER

SO MUCH ANGER WHEN ASH OPENED THE SQUIRTLE POKEBALL AND IT WASN’T IN THERE

WHO TOOK MY SQUIRTLE

WHO FOUND MY SQUIRTLE

WHAT A RIP

Had to wait until SQUIRTLE SQUAD to see the entire reason I was watching the show. But by then I was hooked, and I got Pokemon Blue. And got Squirtle. And it was level 70 by like the eighth gym and everything else was level 30. Because I was a kid.

.. level 70 as a Blastoise of course. Souppy didn’t even evolve his Squirtle. Who doesn’t evolve his Squirtle?!?!??!?!? “Because it is cuter that way” GET OUT ASH

If it wasn’t for Squirtle, I wouldn’t be talking about pokemon. It is the toppest bro.

here comes the squirtle squad

TMNT 2012 April and Karai redesigns–Brittany Peer

I very much dislike Karai’s design in the new TMNT series (mostly the impossible armor) and April’s shorts and jersey have always bothered me so I thought to get back into the spirit of things, I’d do some redesigns!

First thing to go was Karai’s impractical outfit. Decided to go with a more modern less flashy look with most of the armor hidden rather than on display. No flipflops either. I kept the gauntlets and shin guards but got rid of the spikes on the guards and the weird metal piece that wrapped around her hand. Another thing that I didn’t care for was her odd eye make up. Redone with an understated touch instead.

April’s defining feature to me was her really horrible fashion tastes. Had to keep the uggboots. As much as I loved her dumb little leggings, they aren’t something I’d see a girl like April wearing with tiny little short shorts. Or a jersey-like shirt. I get the “5th turtle” thing but I doubt she’s into sports enough to buy a shirt like that. Skinny jeans and a loose “is this clean I’m going to say yes after sniffing it a little” shirt haphazardly tucked in in a hurry while running from aliens and school life. Messy up-do to complete the look and make her silhouette more interesting.

Kept them simple enough for animation but complex for just designs. This was lots of fun and I might do it again!

7

Leo Facial Appreciation Post

This is from when he’s trying to convince Splinter to let them go topside. I was screencapping through it and just DANG IT LEO YOUR FACE. YOU DUMB, STUPID, ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS AND ADORABLE FACE. Just… all the desperation to finally talk Splinter into letting them go, understanding that he only wants to protect them but they’ve waited so long for it and Leo just looks like he wants to talk him into it SOOOO bad. You can tell how he’s feeling by just watching him!

This show and facial expressions, ah!

Is it wrong that I’m looking more forward to Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie than the Ghostbusters reboot?

I mean the TMNT movie does look kinda dumb, but at least it looks like it knows that it’s dumb and goofy, and it’s just running with it. Plus, they’re throwing in stuff that most of the fans actually like, so at least it looks like it actually somewhat cares about the franchise they’re representing.

Also, Bay may not be that great of a director or producer, but at he’s not as big of a jerk as Paul Feig.

bts, yoonmin, ‘i got my arm stuck in a claw machine trying to get this stuffed animal for u’, drabble

“ok,” the security guard rubs the space in between his eyes as the other one just tries not to laugh behind him, “explain to me again how exactly you got your arm stuck up the claw machine.”

“your claw machine is evil and hates my guts,” jimin says with a heavy pout. 

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anonymous asked:

what are the people in team solo mid like? i just recently got into league and LCS and TSM is the team im rooting for. its like an irresistable pull

hahaha glad to hear that you like tsm! ok here goes

in general - i think they’re all good friends, their personalities work well together. they’re all funny and have the same sense of humor i think. homoerotic subtext is real lmfao

dyrus - he has a tumblr! not gonna @ him though, it’s here. hes v nice, interacts with fans a lot on here. he likes cute animals. i’d say he’s probably the most mature/serious out of everyone on tsm, due to seniority (aka longest time spent playing professionally).

santorin - newest member of the team. ohmygosh this kid is a cutie. he uses “:3” “:P” “:D” in everything haha. one of the only streamers whose music i like, if that means anything. idk i think the best description of him is the “good guy santorin” meme LOL

bjergsen - “leader” of the team. back when he was on copenhagen wolves i think he was kinda quiet and shy, but these days he’s SUPER charismatic, outgoing, and confident. the change is actually amazing lol. he seems to be pretty opinionated too, because tsm legends always shows him arguing with loco; it looks like he’s the only one who’s consistently outspoken in team discussion

wildturtle - *gross sobbing* ok im done. seems happy all the time, biggest troll on tsm. used to be known for doing dumb stuff like flashing into the enemy base. not serious about much, quieter than bjerg. likes turtles and cats apparently.

lustboy - meme king. he’s from korea so his english isn’t fluent yet (he’s improving every day tho), but people say that he talks a lot when he’s around his teammates. he has a tumblr too, but he doesn’t really interact with followers. his twitter is great, please go check it out. likes cats.