i look awful and exhausted


Warnings: I don’t think there is… I guess season 9 & 10 spoilers? (character deaths)
Characters: Sam & Dean Winchester, Sister Winchester Reader, Castiel
Summary: You’re tired of everyone and everything
Reader’s Age: High school
Word Count: 1553

Y/N: Your Name

A/N: This is kinda for a fren of mine who is/went through some of this so I mainly wrote it for her and based off her situation(s) so yeah. Enjoy!

These past few weeks have not been the easiest. You’ve been getting really tired of everyone and everything. It seems everyone ignores you or uses you for their own gain. It’s always Sam and Dean Winchester, never Sam, Dean, and Y/N Winchester. It’s always “The Brothers” it’s always about them. Everyone just seems to forget about you until you show up.

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Nine. [Hinanami Week 2017 Day One]

Haha suckers, it’s still the ninth on the west coast. So this isn’t even late.

And even if it was, I’m the mod of hinanami week, who the hell’s gonna stop me.

Anyways, I’ve been playing too much Zero Escape, so here’s a DR Zero Escape AU for hinanami week.


Hajime Hinata woke up with his head throbbing. He groaned, and then proceeded to hit his head on the ceiling as he sat up.

After taking a moment to wake up, the first thing Hajime noticed was that he was in a bunkbed.

The second was that he had no idea where he was.

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I’ve been exprimenting with autodesk and my new $1 stylus. Probably need to fork out for decent stuff if I actually want to go far with digital art but I thought I’d see what I can do with cheap stuff


Gruvia fluff. What else needs to be said?


The day had started off normally, like any other day would. Juvia had woken up, taken a shower, eaten breakfast, and went to the guild. She hung around her friends and eyed the jobs available. She ate and drank, smiled and talked, but she spent the majority of her time trying to scout out where the famous ice mage was. She hadn’t seen him at all, which was the one detail throwing off her entire day.

Soon it was eleven at night, and the blunette was dead tired. She probably would have been able to hold out longer if it weren’t for Erza’s “girls night” that happened the day before. They had stayed up until three or four AM, and Juvia was the kind of person who needed sleep.

Juvia stood from her usual booth and yawned, waving goodbye to everyone as she did so. The expected whines for her to stay out longer were ignored. Levy even bribed her to stay by offering to buy her a drink. Still, the water mage’s answer was no. She was actually excited to go home and get full night’s sleep for once. She was so excited that her heart broke the second her plans changed when Mira called out to her from behind the bar:

“Juvia, I know it’s late, but I was wondering if you could drop off this job flyer at Gray’s apartment on your way home.”

Despite her wish to be lazy, Juvia couldn’t resist helping Gray out. So she made her way towards the bar quickly and leaned up against it, eager to hear what she had to do.

“Of course, Juvia is happy to help.” She smiled weakly, “Do you know why Gray Sama isn’t here today?”

“Actually no,” Mira looked disappointed that she wasn’t caught up with the latest gossip, “But yesterday he practically begged me to hold onto this for him, and the deadline for it to be turned in is tomorrow morning.”

Juvia nodded and took the thin piece of paper from her. It was a surprisingly simple job, but the reward was pretty extreme. All that Gray would need to do was make sculptures for an upcoming art event.

Gray Sama would be great at that, Juvia thought to herself, he’s a wonderful artist.

“Okay, Juvia will definitely get this to him. Where does he live?”

If Juvia had to choose the most inconvenient, furthest away place from the guild for Gray to live, Ebony Apartments would be her first guess. And guess where he lived? Ebony Apartments.

It wasn’t a horrible walk when you weren’t thinking about how long it took to complete it, which was a solid thirty minutes at least, but Juvia was exhausted to the point of crying or having a mental break down—both of which had a good possibility of happening if she kept stumbling over random rocks and roots covering the road. Finally, when she was just about ready to explode, she approached the doors of the small building.

“Hello,” She huffed, out of breath, to the man at the front desk. “Juvia has something that needs to be delivered to one of the people living here.”

“Does that person have a name?” The man asked rather sarcastically, not showing any sort of respect towards the girl.

“Yes,” Juvia remained calm, “Gray Fullbuster.”

“Third floor, room eight.”

“Thank you.”

Juvia cried tears of joy when she realized that this apartment building had an elevator, and sighed with relief as she stepped inside of it. No more walking! The smooth buttons lit up as she pressed them, and her stomach flipped a little as the box she was standing in rose up off of the floor and traveled to her exact destination. The doors slid open and she gracefully stepped outside, peering down the hallway to see which direction room eight was on.

Clutching the job flyer tightly in her right hand, she began walking down the left hallway. Her tall black boots clicked down on the floor with each step she took, and she was embarrassed by how loud they were. When she gazed down at her feet, she realized how frazzled she looked. Her tight dress was wrinkled and her hat was lopsided on her head. Her jacket was even jumbled up.

“Ugh,” She sighed, fiddling around with her outfit so she’d look more presentable. In the end, she decided to take her hat off completely and let her hair be free to flow in front of her shoulders. When she finally felt satisfied with herself, she confidently stepped up to his door and knocked three times.

There was no noise on the other side of the door, and she suddenly felt very out of place. This was Gray’s home, and who was she to intrude? What if he was with someone? What if—

Her train of thought halted as soon as she heard footsteps drawing near the door, and her heart started beating five times as fast.

“Oi, Marco, I thought I told you that I paid my rent already, there’s no need to—oh! Juvia?”

The door swung open to reveal a half-naked Gray, wearing nothing but low cut sweat pants and his usual necklace. His hair was disheveled and he looked very tired, like he had just woken up from a nap. This, Juvia noted, was not the case based on the bandages tied around both of his knuckles and the thin layer of sweat coating his skin. He had probably just finished training. The raw sight of him made Juvia’s mouth water.

“G-Gray Sama,” She smiled to the best of her ability and promptly shoved the job flyer at him without hesitation. “Mira San wanted me to deliver this…”

Gray quickly scanned the flyer and his eyes lit up as he remembered what it was.

“Ah! Thank you so much, I really needed this.” He grinned. His arm muscles flexed as he reached behind him to put it down, and Juvia almost fainted. Instead, she yawned.

“You are welcome,” She blushed. He took a minute to look her over and then leaned his head against the doorframe, unconsciously making a very cute expression, or so Juvia thought.

“You look exhausted, and I feel awful about you having to walk all the way here.” He paused and bit his lip, his dark eyes piercing into hers.

“Would you like to come in?”

If Juvia wasn’t so tired, she was sure she would have literally started melting. Instead, she nodded her head like a child would, and she was sure she looked like an idiot. In response, Gray chuckled a little and opened the door wider, motioning for her to come inside.

Shivers ran down the blunette’s spine as soon as she entered the freezing apartment. It must have been negative a million degrees, but based on what Gray was wearing (or what he wasn’t wearing), it was obvious he couldn’t care less.

“Juvia doesn’t want to intrude,” She spoke softly, a blush still on her face. Gray shrugged and closed the door behind her.

“It’s just me here, and I was only training. Trust me, this is a lot better.” He said. Suppressing a squeal of excitement, Juvia just smiled at him and took a few more steps forward. The apartment was bigger than it looked, with a small kitchen and a generous living room. There were two doors that probably led to Gray’s bedroom and bathroom, but Juvia didn’t know for sure. The walls were all a dark gray color, and blended perfectly with the white kitchen cabinets and tables. There was also a black couch in the living room. The entire place was spotless except for the left side of the living room, which was covered in pieces of ice and training equipment.

“This is a nice place,” Juvia commented as she looked around more. “Is there a place where Juvia can put her hat?”

Gray nodded and took it from her, walking to one of the closed doors. He opened it and walked inside. Juvia decided it would be best if she made herself scarce, since she didn’t want to make things awkward. So, she just stood by the front entrance and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. When Gray did come back, he was wearing a tight white tank top. He must have realized that he was half naked when he was alone.

“So,” He motioned to the kitchen, “would you like a drink? I was going to have one after I was done training, but I’ll just have one now.”

Juvia nodded.

“Sure,” She agreed, “whatever you have is fine.”

Gray’s face lit up with his gorgeous grin again and he walked to the fridge. Juvia moved to the small kitchen island and sat down on one of the stools.

“Hmm,” She eyed the contents of the fridge, “you must cook all of the time.”

Gray stood up, holding two beers. Once he heard her little joke, he blushed and quickly shut the fridge. There wasn’t much in there other than drinks and some eggs. He had some bread on the counter.

“Well I normally eat at the guild, so I don’t need to cook much at home.” He tossed her the drink, which she expertly caught.

“That’s a good idea,” She said. “So why weren’t you at the guild today? Everyone missed you.”

He laughed and took a swig of his drink, taking the seat next to her.

“I just took a day off,” A smile was still on his face, but his voice grew dull. It was if he didn’t want to talk more about it, and since Juvia would do anything to keep him comfortable, she backed off.

“Ah,” She ended up saying before taking a sip of her drink, “that’s good.”

Gray shifted on the stool as he tried to distract himself from her question. Whenever people brought up awkward topics, the silence that came after was nearly unbearable. That’s why it was nice to talk with Juvia, because their conversations seemed to write themselves.

“So how did you end up living here?” She asked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He shrugged and took another swig.

“When I was old enough to buy a place, this was the cheapest one available. It’s sort of been my home ever since.” He answered, “Marco, the guy you probably saw at the front desk, collects my rent. When you knocked earlier I thought it was him.”

Juvia crinkled her nose a bit when the bitter man was brought up.

“He didn’t like Juvia.” She murmured, taking sip after sip. Soon her bottle would be empty.

“You get used to him,” Gray said lightly, “I mean, I’ve lived here for years and he still treats me the same way.”

“How do you stand the long walk?”

“At first it was a big annoyance, but after a while it seemed like part of my training. Sometimes I even run back and forth from the guild if I feel like it.” He took one last big gulp of the drink and then he pushed the empty bottle across the kitchen island and into the trash. When he noticed Juvia’s was also empty, he stood and walked to the fridge.

“Want another?” He asked. She nodded and handed him her bottle in exchange for a full one. When he sat down again, he started the questions up again.

“So you’ve been part of this guild for a pretty long time, and I still don’t know some basic things about you.” He sighed, popping open the drink with one hand. “Do you mind if I ask you some stuff?”

Juvia just smiled, overjoyed at the chance for him to get to know her better.

“No, Juvia doesn’t mind.”

“Good,” Gray smirked, “what is your favorite color?”

“Blue,” She answered almost instantly, “because it is the color of the sky.”

“Favorite food?”

“Um… Caramel apples.”

“Caramel apples? Why?”

She paused to drink and then said,

“She once had one at a carnival and it was delicious, better than anything she’d ever tasted.”

Gray raised his eyebrows and copied her by drinking again.

“What’s your favorite book?”

“Juvia can’t choose a favorite, she’ll read anything.”

“Favorite drink?”

“Tea. Hot or cold.”

“Favorite season?”

“Um… um… W-winter, probably. No, summer. Juvia can’t decide!”

“Favorite battle out of every battle you’ve ever had?”

She stared at him with big innocent eyes and set her half empty drink on the countertop.

“That’s obvious,” She stated, surprised that he didn’t know. He raised his eyebrows again and fiddled with his necklace.

“How so?”

Juvia shifted herself so that she was facing him, and then crossed one leg over the other. Her expression turned nostalgic, and he could’ve sworn he saw a blush flash over her cheeks.

“It’s the one Juvia fought with you Gray Sama. The first time we met, do you remember?”

He felt embarrassed that he couldn’t guess it, and based on her now smiling face he could tell that it was very important to her.

“Of course I remember,” He whispered, “How could I forget?”

Four or five drinks later, when the two of them had decided to move themselves to the more comfortable couch in Gray’s living room (taking a few extra bottles with them, of course), the 20 questions game had ended. The reasons why were obvious, since Gray had asked her every question he could think of and Juvia was too drunk to answer.

Gray had seen Juvia drunk before, and that situation did not end well for either of them—with Juvia melting and Gray drowning. But this time it was different. She was quiet, dizzy and flushed, and had to lean against the couch in order to remain upright.  Her voice was slightly slurred when she spoke but it was still understandable. Gray was pretty sure from her delayed responses that he was speaking clearly too; clearly enough for her drunk mind to understand, anyway.

“Why was Gray Sama not at the guild today?” Juvia asked again, “Juvia was lonely…”

Gray, now that he was far from sober, couldn’t control the words coming out of his mouth anymore. His mind only somewhat focused on the question being asked, and his usual tough exterior was eroding away rather quickly.

“I couldn’t come totheguild,” He started speaking quickly and more slurred, “Ijustcouldn’t.”

Juvia just rested her head on his shoulder and sighed, running her right hand down his arm to clasp his hand clumsily.

“Gray Sama can tell Juvia anything,” She suppressed a yawn, “Juvia… Juvia can listen.”

Gray looked at their intertwined fingers with a puzzled expression, and second guessed if he really wanted to tell her. Luckily for Juvia, he didn’t really have the self-control to make that decision for himself.

“Lyon visited me yesterday,” He whispered as Juvia began to close her eyes. She was still weary from her walk, but she was determined to stay awake at least until his story was over.

“Lyon Sama?”

She felt him nod and breathe in deeply.

“He s-said that he was going to visit Ur today,” He stuttered and gently put an arm around the small girl’s figure. “And he wanted me go too.”

“Did you?” Juvia asked in a whisper. Gray nodded again, this time it was slower and more hesitant.

“I went and we walked to the ocean. We sat. We tried to feel her presence. To remember her.” He stopped again and pulled Juvia closer. If she was close, he was calm—at least, that’s how he operated at the moment.

“That is why I wasn’t there.”

“That was kind of you.” Juvia stated simply.

“Yeah,” His head was pounding and he could barely see anything that wasn’t doubled from his twisted vision. But he could still feel Juvia there, and he was definitely not hallucinating about that.

“Mmm,” She hummed against his chest, “It’s okay, Gray Sama.”

Gray didn’t recall what happened next, because as soon as those words slipped out of Juvia’s mouth he lost his balance and fell sideways so he was sprawled on the couch. Juvia, since she was leaning against him, also toppled over. She ended up right in front of him. They both fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the cushions.

Gray woke up with a migraine. A bad migraine. He was curled up on one side, facing the back of the couch, and his shoulder was sore from the weight of his body crushing it. It wasn’t often that he woke up like this, but sometimes he dozed off on the couch, so he didn’t decide to take it too seriously until he rolled onto his other shoulder and became face to face with a sleeping woman.

Not just any sleeping woman—Juvia.

The memories of the night before came crashing down on him and made his migraine even worse. He either got crazy or gushy when he was drunk, and of course with Juvia he became the sobbing emotional mess he never wanted to be. He took a minute to calm down, and then very carefully he sat up, being extra cautious not to wake her.

He didn’t do a very good job.

As soon as he had proceeded to move his hand so he was sitting, he got very dizzy and fell on top of her, waking her up instantly. With a yelp the blunette was sitting and breathing heavily, recalling the events that had played out the night before.

“I’m so sorry!” Gray exclaimed, his head still pounding. “I am so sorry!”

“Oww…” Juvia moaned as she rubbed her aching head. “Juvia is… Juvia is…”

She paused to look around her surroundings and then let out a loud scream, making Gray’s brain rattle around in its skull.

“Juvia is in Gray Sama’s apartment! She is so sorry! She meant to just drop off the job and go straight home, but—“

“The job!” Gray smacked himself in the head and then winced, “I was supposed to head out today! Shit, this is wonderful.”

“Juvia is so sorry, she will leave right away.”

Gray immediately felt guilty and started shushing her, trying to reassure her that everything was okay.

“No, it’s fine, please don’t worry about it, I’ll just go some other time.”


Gray watched, in shock, as the woman shakily stood up and caught her balance.

“No?” He asked.

“You are going on that job. Juvia brought it to you and is the reason you’re late, and she will help you get ready to go.” She decided. “If we stop by the guild first, Wendy will make us feel better.”

Gray thought it over and came to the conclusion to trust her.



About two hours later, when the two had made it past the suspicious people eyeing them at the guild and the endless questions about “what had happened” from Mirajane, Gray and Juvia finally made it to the train station.

“We made it!” Juvia beamed happily. Gray grinned.

“Yeah,” He nodded, “look, thank you so much for helping me out.”

“It’s no trouble,” Juvia assured him. They stood there in silence for a solid ten minutes before Gray stopped biting his lip and got the guts to speak.

“Um, Juvia?” He wondered, gazing at the girl who was staring back at him.


“I know you’re busy and everything, but I was wondering if maybe… After I get back… you wanted to go out to lunch sometime?” He blushed and looked away, not noticing her practically explode with happiness.

“Of course!” She squealed, “Just tell Juvia when!”

Gray sighed with relief and smiled.


“Gray Sama?” She asked, trying very hard not to start hyperventilating.


“Good luck on your job.”

Then the train pulled up and collected the travelers, leaving Juvia alone to jump up and down with happiness. Who knew that delivering a simple job flyer would cause such amazing results?

This was written based on curtymac7 ’s request :) Sorry I rushed the ending a bit… 

Anyway, this was really fun to write! Please comment and request! :)

My experiences at Coriolanus

Alright I hadn’t really time to write my summary of Coriolanus and London until now because when I came back home there was Sherlock and you know … feelings and stuff. But now I finally have free time to talk about what happened at Donmar. Before the performance we visited St Barts again, I was sad there were no notes on the phone box anymore but I left a note in it anyway, I just did not glue it.

Yeah so my mother and I had Barclay Front Row tickets (don’t ask me how she managed to get them, it was close to a miracle for the both of us) for Friday the 3. of January so we picked them up around 6.30 pm, one hour before the play started. If I remember right there where already people waiting in front of the Donmar, some for Tom and some for finally getting inside because it was really cold. At least I was freezing as I only wore a thin blouse under my jacket.
Our hotel was pretty close to the Donmar but I think we wandered around a bit until it started. I don’t remember exactly anymore, but it’s not that important anyway. I missed London so much you wouldn’t believe. My city here in Germany is not really big or great I actually hate it and I’m glad I can study in a different place when I finished school.
But yeah back to topic. As we entered Donmar around half an hour later and I saw our seats I was kinda shocked. I knew the room was small as I saw a few pictures already and the seat plan of course, but we were directly sitting at the stage. Like … if you stretched your arm just a little you could actually touch the stage ground without any effort. A few people also positioned their feet on the stage and later got warned because of that, which I totally understand because it’s just disrespectful. We sat directly next to the entrance where the actors stepped on stage and my mother mentioned later she could hear them whisper behind the stage once.
Anyway it was really really close and I was a bit scared I would do something not good when Tom or Mark would enter the stage. Because just … Tom Hiddleston, my biggest inspiration and idol, amazing actor and human being would be a few steps away from where I sat and maybe he would notice me and look at me. God. Luckily a young man sat down on the seat besides me, which made me pretty nervous but I knew I could keep myself under control with him sitting there. I still wonder how he got Front Row tickets. He looked a bit nerdy (which I totally don’t mean in a bad way, I am a nerd too if you want so) and he was kinda cute BUT LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT HIM.
Of course I hoped to get an autograph from Tom or a picture maybe and I also brought him a little gift, which I really wanted him to get, because I’m pretty sure he would have liked it as it is a little more special. But as I looked up there where so many fangirls looking down at the stage and I knew they all would queue outside later. It would be a hard fight to get him to talk to me a little longer. I kinda knew I hadn’t a chance really, so I tried to concentrate on the play. I read it two times, one time in German and one time in English as I already knew I wouldn’t understand much if I didn’t knew what they were saying.

Also if you don’t want to get spoiled about a few things that happened in the play at all, do not read this part of my little story!

I think the play started with some music and little Martius (Coriolanus’ son) running on stage. My heart was beating so heavy because I was so nervous for everyone entering the stage and the start was magical already. I never visited an English theatre play except for The Lion King with my class, back in 2012. And Shakespeare is a pretty huge thing.
And as they finally came on stage and I saw Mark Gatiss my heart mostly dropped on the ground. I think my face looked like a stone, but I was screaming internally. Tom wasn’t on stage yet and I frantically looked around, as I thought I couldn’t recognise him or something. But as he came on stage a bit later I just looked at him like he was some angel that has just entered earth. He looked so handsome, tall and so REAL. He was real. I couldn’t believe it. I know this sounds pretty dull but it really is a huge difference than seeing him on pictures or in interviews. He looks vulnerable. I don’t mean he looks weak but he is just a human being. Like everyone else. He is not a perfect picture, he can break and he gets sad, happy or angry and he has feelings. This was the moment I realised that.
I looked at him during the speeches of the other actors a few times, but I mostly tried to concentrate on the person speaking. Because I also came to London for the play itself. Not just for Tom. They all deserved some respect and they all did great performances. Of course Tom was my favourite actor from all these people, but they all were so stunning. They all did such a great job, nobody did his performance half hearted or something it was just perfect to watch. I’ll just name of few names now, but yeah they all were great. Hadley Fraser did a great job as Aufidius, Deborah Findlay was also really amazing as Volumnia, because I think her role was really impressive and difficult. I also loved Elliot Levey and Helen Schlesinger as Brutus and Sicinia and I finally understand why they made Sicinius a woman. I also loved how Peter de Jersey really looked and spoke like some roman guy in his armor. Mark did such a great job as well, he just knows how to do acting. He is perfect. One thing I can’t really understand is that some people talked really bad about Birgitte Hjort Sørensen. She had a really difficult role to play, she needed to cry most of the time or at least she did cry most of the time which was so impressive and professional and she needed to show her feelings only through body language and actions, because she had very few words to say. And her kissing Caius Martius (aka Tom) was just cute and adorable I can’t understand how anyone would hate her for that. It’s just a role guys.
And last but not least there was Tom of course. He did such an amazing job I still can’t believe it. He was so fit, got thrown on the ground a few times, one time really hard I was close to looking away because that must have hurt really bad. He did not wear thick protections or something and of course it was actually him not a stunt double, like in some movies even if we know he likes to do his own stunts. He got hit by Aufidius really hard as well and he jumped around on stage like a frog … he was just really really fit. He also screamed most of the time and one time he faced the other side of the room really long while another person spoke, than turned around and he was crying. I was so shocked and just stared at him in panic. Maybe that was a bit too much for my heart. He also looked at my 3 times, 2 times quite short and one time really intense and long and I needed to catch my breathe for a few seconds. His eyes are so blue it’s impossible and guys he got the booty. He got it.

And at some point I suddenly heard his voice was hoarse. It actually was hoarse. At first I thought it was just his voice sounding a bit different in reality than in movies but after just concentrating on that you could totally tell he was sick. As he came on stage with all this blood on his head and body he touched his nose and eyes a few times, like trying to get the blood away. But that wasn’t the actual problem as I know now, because at some point there came like … this really long sort of … thing out of his nose. Yes it was snot and it ran out like water. He touched his nose really fast I just hope he thought it was blood, because it must be really embarrassing realising you just had a long sort of thing running out of your nose in front of all these people.
One time when he had a break standing faced to the wall he rubbed his eyes and his nose again and again and he looked so exhausted it was awful. I think nobody really realised this, as you couldn’t see it from the front but only from the seats at the corners and maybe from the corners up and it wasn’t his turn to speak or do anything so most of the people looked at the people at the centre of the stage. I felt and still feel so sorry for him which got much worse as I realised he got thrown on the ground and got hit so hard and jumped around and screamed so loud and god. At the end he also got hanged up on a chain upside down and he rotated around himself. It must have been pure torture for his poor ill head and totally exhausted body.
The people cheered really short for the actors in my eyes and Tom left the stage looking stressed and exhausted without smiling at anyone. But I totally understand him. At least Elliot smiled at me during the whole cheer he was just so cute.
As we left the theatre we queued up of course, but the bodyguard kinda looked unfriendly and he was pretty mean. Around this time I just hoped Tom would come out even if he was sick, which I know now was not really respectful, but most of the girls and people standing in the queue hadn’t even realised he wasn’t fit at all which made me more and more sad. We stand in the queue quite long, it was divided into two queues because there where so many people and we stand in the first one. Tom would have needed at least one hour for all these people. We waited really long, I was freezing and my mother walked to the door at some point, came back and said it was dark. Like nobody was in there, it was dark and locked. We waited a bit more but the message that it was dark in there made its way through the queue and around 11.45 pm we went back to our hotel. We were pretty angry that no one at least told us Tom wouldn’t come outside to sign. I was sad but also lucky because the play was great, then again exhausted and tired and hungry as I hadn’t eaten in a while (I wasn’t hungry before the play because yeah you know …) and I just ate something and we went to bed.

The next day we made a few things like visiting a museum but it was so full in there, so many tourists and it was just awful sadly. The things in there were interesting but I couldn’t stand all these people.

In the evening we just waited around Donmar because we hadn’t had something to do anyway, we mostly came to London for the play. During the evening I met another girl, we walked around Donmar and tried to catch the other actors as I was sure Tom would again not come out and my ticket wasn’t from that day anyway, so I would have needed to queue in the second queue, because the bodyguard told us that’s how it works. The people from that exact day get in the first queue and the other ones in the second. And really guys don’t queue up when you have not seen the play on that exact day. It does not make any sense at all. You will definitely don’t get an autograph. I chatted with the girl and she said that the Donmar staff told them Tom would not come outside the day before, she was the 5. person in the queue, the info just did not make its way through all the people. Which meant I could have gone to my hotel much earlier …

So in the end I met a few actors and got 6 autographs in total plus photos with 3 different actors (Peter, Elliot which I was really glad about and MARK. YES MARK SHERLOCK PRODUCER GATISS) and my mother took a few pictures from me and the other actors as they signed luckily. Elliot recognised me and I got to hold his coffee while he signed my program booklet. He had so warm hands and mine where so cold oh god. As I met him later once again I asked him for a photo and I actually got one. His eyes are half closed but HEY WHO CARES. And then there was Mark. He was so cute and he touched my arm on the photo it’s so adorable. I still can’t believe it.
It made much more sense for me to get to talk to the other actors rather than queuing for Tom, because I was sure he would not come out as he, of course, still would be sick. I really tried to tell every actor I could talk to how great the play was. They all were so happy and smiled as I told them, it was just amazing and I felt so happy for them. Mark also answered something in German as my mother told him we came from Germany to see the play, I think it was something like “Herzlich Willkommen” if I remember exactly, but I’m not sure. It was a huge stimulus satiation for me and I didn’t even realised his hand on my arm in that exact moment, sadly.

Later in the evening Tom came out to my surprise. My mother took a few photos, I wasn’t at that place during him giving autographs which I actually am glad about. He just signed like 10 autographs and then ran away, saying he won’t sign any more things as far as I know and he also did not make any pictures. I think he just needed his warm bed really bad and not standing outside and signing things.
Of course I was really sad and still am, as I had hoped to catch him somewhere to give him my present but what can I do. I just hope he had a calm day yesterday and just kept laying in his bed to cure his cold. I bet he also had a fever on stage. It’s just so sad. Poor Tom. The problem is he can’t just say he is sick, he needs to enter that stage, because most of the people came there for him and Donmar Warehouse would not allow him to cure his cold at home, I also think he would not allow himself to be at home while someone else does his part.
God I just feel so sorry for him.

Also if you will see Coriolanus/plan to see it and queue up beware of the bodyguard. He gets offended really fast, he was very rude to me and other people a few time even if we behaved like normal people and did not scream or push or anything but just watched. Also please please mute your phone during the play. One time someones phone made noises and Mark looked so disappointed it was just awful. And for god’s sake don’t drop it. That happened twice sadly.

But I don’t think Tom will do this whole autograph thing for another month. There were so many people it’s getting out of hand.

All in all I am so grateful I could experience this. Tom was so close to me and I had a lot of fun during the last days, even if I was so nervous most of the time. I still can’t believe I was able to talk to different people in English, which is like a miracle for me as I am shy plus not a native English speaker and only 16 years old. Wow. These last days were amazing.
I just hope I will not get any crazier about Tom but I think I did already. Seeing him so close just made it worse, because I don’t just see him as a pure perfect thing anymore, if you know what I mean.
Also I’m sorry, long text is a bit long.