i loathe myself too


Originally posted by lovershub

*not my gif

pairings: klaus mikaelson x reader; kol mikaelson x reader.

warnings: fingering, oral sex (female receiving), sex, teasing, swearing; NSFW +18.

A/N: writing this challenged me a lot, so the feedback is really really important. i want to know if y’all enjoyed this. :)

word count: 3664

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Imagine being the first and only girl in the Penetrator Russ bus.

Author’s note: GUESS WHO! HAHAHA so i know y’all have been hella patient with me and this fucking story, so i decided to take my saturday to try to write about it. i have read that like 648 times and every time i found a new error and i am pretty sure that if i read it again i’ll find more so please just ignore them and enjoy the part 8. WARNING THERE’S SMUT AND FLUFF and i have NEVER written about smut before, i felt like i was sinning the whole fucking time so give me a break, i’ll get better with time. also don’t ask me about part 9 because it’ll take time since i’ll be able to focus on my stories only in december. but honesly, you guys are the best and thanks for understand. love y’all (btw feedback is great so i can be sure you guys don’t hate me hahahah)

Part 1.

Part 7.

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I’m 16 and I don’t hate myself anymore. I spent too much time loathing all that I was and that’s tiring. It hasn’t been easy; high school hits you like a cold splash of water in your face. One day you wake up and one of your closest friends hates you with zero explanation and they’re over dosing on acid and ecstasy and coming to school drunk as shit because they hate themselves more than they could ever hate you. One day you wake up in a full blown panic attack for 4 straight months because one of your best friends turned out to be a manipulative sociopath who isolated you from everyone and suddenly you were lost in the middle of an ocean. One day you wake up and wear a dress to school to impress that boy in your 7th period English class only to find out that girl you were friends with in middle school hung herself that morning. And by the time English rolls around, you’ve cried all your makeup off and you’re wearing a t-shirt and shorts and all you can think about was what on earth do you do when you find your daughter hanging from a rope in her closet. One day you wake up and you think you finally found a boy who could love you and fill the emptiness in your heart just because he’s a senior who drives a pretty red jeep. And when he tells you that he missed you, you believe him. And when he say “goodnight pretty girl” you think he actually cares. But one day you wake up and realize he’s gone without telling you why, but you know. You know why. You exposed who you were and let your guard down, but he didn’t care because all he saw was that your physical guard was down. And he doesn’t care that you cried for a week after and didn’t ask if you were okay with everything. All he saw was that you said no to having sex even when you were a little drunk and that’s all he cared about. And one day you wake up and he stops responding to your texts and he leaves. I’m 16 and I kind of like who I am. I’m 16 and sometimes it’s hard to find a reason to breathe when I wake up. But sometimes I wake up and I feel like the world is mine and I can conquer anything because I am who I am and I am 16. I am 16 and there is a fire burning inside of me. And sometimes that fire burns me to ashes and sometimes it burns brighter than anything that could ever hurt me. And I am 16, and I’ll be okay.
—  16

A Shakespearean Drama by Lev Novak

(The sequel to Watch the Throne can be found here .)

Act I, Scene I

Kanye is sitting upon the throne of rap. His trusty lieutenant, Pusha T, stands beside him. On the other side is Kim Kardashian.

My liege,
As Jay-Z hath ascended
Past this mortal realm
The throne has become watched by those that would seek it for themselves
The guilds of rap grow restless, my Lord.
MMG of the north waits patient,
and YMCMB rake their coals in darkness
Even the fiefdoms seek their claim;
A$APs require attention, Asap,
Taylor Gang and TDE watch us from afar, 
And, though I hate to report it,
There is a whispering of evil within the very halls of G.O.O.D.

(J.Cole enters, triumphant)

I have long said the same, 
Oh Pusha.


Jermaine? Ah!
So good to see you!

(The two embrace as Pusha watches)

Have you found success?

Indeed, Yeezy. 
As befitting my princely status, 
I have completed my first quest: 
I have solidified our treaty with Kendrick of the West.

The West, slumbering
May threaten West
Nevermore, without Kendrick’s flow.
But aligned,
The two might prosper.
You have done well Jermaine.

Thank you, Yeezy. 
But I have taken a name unto myself: J.Cole

Christened by Yeezus, I approve your nameship.
May pressure make you a diamond.
Like the Roc-a-fella’s before us.

(They look skyward)

Praised be J-Hova.

Praised be he.

And yet…

Yet what, Cole? 

It was odd;
As I left the palace gates,
I found myself without reinforcement.
Guest verses undelivered,
My album was assailed by critics.
I survived, and persevered but this;

(shows a scar on his face)
Is damage from Pitchfork.

The young Don Glover
Found his head upon one.
‘Tis but a scratch.

You shroud your meaning, Pusha,
And speak of my scratch
As though it were not upon my flesh,
But rather a mark upon your records,
And thus fully inconsequential. 

Though you say “Cole World”
You would be wise to be wary of heat;
heated words, of course.
Forgive the entendre.

You are modest in your estimation.
I fear no weapon.
But am wary of he who wields them.

(J.Cole leaves, an eye to Pusha.)

This is heavy news to ponder. 
Pusha, I require my jester.


(Pusha T summons 2 Chainz enters in his jester gear.)

Two Chainz,
my head is weary, as though two chains, 
each heavy, 
hung around my neck.
Tell me, oh Jester, 
Is ruling yet a fool’s errand?

If it were, your majesty, 
you’d have sent me in your stead.

Ha! For a fool, 2 Chainz, your wit speaks loud. 
Send in my first guest!

(Ludacris enters, in all his finery.)

Hear, oh wise Ludacris, 
That you are welcome in my presence. 
Oh, wise Luda, hear how Jay-Z hath ascended
And left me to follow in his wake.
It is I, now, who must watch the throne 
From King Richard the Ross and of Weezy F. Baby, 
The occult swamp-man who threatens to devour us all.

Ay, and you have asked for my partnership. 
A wise decision, Kanye.
For indeed, my clan of DTP is mighty
In the southern realms of this land, 
And together, 
We can rule this land as brothers. 
Though shrouded in irony, we may keep the peace.

Nay, Ludacris; 
I cannot split my rule of this kingdom. 
I ask not for your partnership, but for your service.

A knee? 
Wise Luda, you have called me, 
Yet you play me for the fool.
I serve standing, never hunched like your jester. 
He used to be a rapper, a man amongst us, 
Though he ran from my service only to find your favor?
An outrage! 
He hath 2 Chainz, oh Yeezy,
But no honor.

Aye, take me for a fool? 
Perhaps, and that path be quite oft taken to my benefit. 
They laugh, oh Luda, but I do so to the bank.
Why, for me to be forgotten or broke,
Why, that would be Ludacris.


(Ludacris draws his sword)

There shall be no violence in this halls. 

Hear, Yeezy, how I work alone. 
But for respect to you, I swear an oath of separation. 
I will not be disturbing the peace.
Keep your clan-mates with you, but be wary, O Yeezy, 
Some watch the throne
When they should watch their court.

(Ludacris exits.)

Oh, my trusted advisor! 
How might I handle a foe, oh Pusha?

My liege?

A foe. 
In glorious battle, with the colors of banners 
And the roar of my warriors, the clashing of weapons and diss-tracks-
What a spectacle! 
But tell me, Pusha, who radiates a glory near mine?

None, my lord.

Indeed, Pusha, and this worries me greatly.
Jigga, the king before me, 
rests amongst the greats 
Having defeated countless foes. 
But who may I face?
Who can match my luster?

One may exist.

You are kind, Pusha 
But I doubt that.
Still, as I pursue greatness.
Can I trust you,
To do what is necessary?

By Biggie’s Ghost,
I pledge my loyalty, now and forever, 
To the ‘Ye. 

I sense in you the truth.
I retire gladly, Pusha. 
I leave to examine leather skirts.

(Kanye exits)

For truth, I am loyal to the ‘Ye.
The yeyo, cocaine, sweet white. 
Hard white, they call you, 
though you be soft in my embrace. 
Kilo’s, soft as pillows, 
how I long for you in my bed. 
Caine, oh Caine!
It is for you, my love, 
that I will ascend the throne myself. 
Forgive me, Pac! Forgive me, Biggie!
I betray for love, of the game and of the game.
As Cain killed Abel, I too am able for ‘Caine.
See how I have come to loath the man Yeezy
For now the throne is watched
Observed by paparazzi
Bloggers and more
Nerds, hovering over us
Casting a shadow over rhymes
This doth provoke in me a malice
And such as Malice is my brother
I find it inseparable from my motivation.
That I may avenge Clipse with clips
And take the throne I have earned.

(Offstage he hears the click of heels)

Yea, for the strumpet approaches
I must keep my plans disguised.
Yuch, I say, Yuch,
For the Kardashian comes quick.

Oh Pusha, 
hath thou seen my husband?

Kris Humphries is out,

Rouge! My husband, my love, 
the famed and talented-

Ray J?

Yeezy. Oh Pusha, push me not. 
My plans move beyond you,
With rapid steps measured in weeks and years. 
My wealth exceeds yours, as does my wit. 
You pushed cocaine? 
I too sold poison-
Loved, loathed and consumed 
By every fiend across this country. 
Do not doubt me, Pusha.
Keeping up with the Kardashians is a fools errand.

Such that your viewers are
I am inclined to agree. 

You are an ass, Pusha
And one that rivals even my own.

(Kim moves beyond Pusha to the kingly chamber, her eyes at the mirror behind the throne)

Oh, my sweet fair Kanye!
I envy you,
For the vision you have.
How good it is to be seen.
And how good it is to see me.

Oh, my sweet fair Yeezy indeed! 
To see you is to see me, reflected, ad infenium. 
Your beauty is my own, in blogs and magazines, 
radiating in this kingdom and beyond. 
Ah, sweet Kim, she that may join me in blessed union, 
My true equal.  
love thee, Kim, for in you I see myself.

(The two embrace, each holding a mirror over the other’s shoulders)

How goes the realm?

Difficult, my wife.
Tensions abound in all corners.
The youth, Drake Drizzy,
Rallies troops
And our alliances have frayed.

What need have you for alliance?
You are a ruler, my love.
Why allow them to share your light?
Come, Yeezy,
And take what is yours.
From every corner of the world, let them see you-
Let them hate us,
Or love us,
So long as we are noticed.

Your words to tempt,
But Jay-Z was a noble king,
Who survived the wrath of the old Gods
To usher in my realm.
Surely, some fealty-

You are a God, Kanye.
As surely as I am a Goddess.

My…my ego sees true.
I understand your logic.
Our beauty is too transcendent for the mortal realm.

So too shall you leave it.


Nothing, my love.
I said,
So too you will believe it-
And make them believe as well.
A kingdom, united, 
With us as Gods.

Gods, you say?
The aesthetic appeals,
I cannot lie.
A crown is garish,
Gold, outplayed.
But divinity?
Such a concept would turn a head.

Aye, Yeezy, and the eyes would follow.
Let us conquer these kingdoms more fully.
Let them make statues of us, 
Temples in our likeness. 
May all kingdoms praise Yeezus in their worship.

Such an act would be grandiose. I love it.

(Big Sean comes running)

Send word to Weezy of the swamps, 
that we seek his tribute.
Or else a war upon him.
Alliance is bland,
Peace boring.
Let loose war,
In all its shades and hues!
And Pusha!

…my liege?

It is time to prepare my successor. 
As Jigga hath ascended 
To the Booklyn in the heavens
He had tapped me as his number #2
For so justly- I was the shit.
But now, as the ascendant
It is time the next be groomed.

Aye, I am prepared.

Go and fetch J.Cole.
He is the next prince of rap
And the heir to the Roc.


Did you hear me?

I did, oh Yeezy.
And I assure you.
The heir to the rock shall have his throne.

Very good, Pusha.
See to it that he does.

(Kanye leaves, and Pusha seethes on stage)

Ay, for I spoke true;
The heir to the rock shall succeed;
Crack rock, that is,
Myself, then
And not the child Jermaine.
Jermaine? Who That?
He shall not Work Out, 
Me thinks.

(Shakes head)
I have waited too long for Greatness, 
What good then is G.O.O.D?
Ye, I shall take what’s mine.
And the heir to the Ye’ shall be the heir to the ‘Ye
The prince of the Rock shall be prince of the Roc’
And I shall do as needed to take what’s mine.