Hi, tumblr. some of you know me as nook, some of you know me as @sesshcmaru or @forzia. So it’s time for me to reveal a dark secret, one that I need help for before I become so desperate that even stupid solutions seem desirable. I am a victim of emotional and mental abuse at the hands of my parents. People who were meant to raise me who instead kept me and still keep me prisoner in my own home. My mother is a narcissist, gas-lighting and lying constantly in order to keep her need for power and control well-fed. She steals from me, threatens me with suicide if i say ‘no’ to her, tells me that if i ever leave she’ll just ‘die’, and then turns around and tells neighbors and friends how worthless i am, how much she wishes i would just leave. she never let me learn how to drive because she knew that i would leave. even now, she makes up excuses for why i can’t learn. she can’t drive me. she can’t drive me to work because she doesn’t feel like it. lately, I’ve taken up requests for theme backgrounds and icons and the like– and even now i find myself unable to finish several of them. because the strain from the amount of stress i’m under makes it impossible for me to function. Many of you have read and responded to the things that my mother has done to me. I post about it rarely, but sometimes in detail on the dash. This time she’s stolen something precious to me, something I needed for my degree in anthropology as a symbol of what I wanted to do with my life. Something she doesn’t approve of. This is only a week after Bo, a service animal, nearly died.
Rp has always been a hobby to escape. To become someone else. To put my feelings aside and my life aside and live, for a moment, as someone who has their shit together. It is sad and lonely, but it is the truth. Two of my sisters ran away from her abuse about seven years ago. I have dreamed of nothing more than doing the exact same thing. I haven’t heard from them since.
But there is a glimmer of hope. A close friend has offered me a place to stay in the state of Arizona. She has offered to rent a uhaul truck, break her lease and help me and my three dogs find a place to live. That person is Brooklyn, @shouxryuuxha, who i have known in the rp community for several years. The thing is, I need money to help pay for gas and also to help us get an apartment. What I make working isn’t enough to cover it when most of my check goes toward keeping my mother at bay. So, at the request of several of my friends and at the sake of my pride ( i hate asking for help. it feels dirty. it means i have to open myself up to people for them to see the parts of my life that are dark and narrow and frightening.) i have come to ask you all for help. please, donate what you can. I can try to pay you back someway, someday. But I need a safe place. I need respite. I need to live.
Please donate anything you can to my paypal at email@example.com. Include your url in the note and I will personally come and thank you, and try to do anything i can to repay the favor.