i live vicariously through tv shows

A Place to Call Home

A/N: So I had this idea and then I had a dream of this idea so I decided to go with it. I thought about make it a series but I’m not sure yet. We’ll see how it goes. I had no idea it would come out as long as it did, the words just kept come. Anyways, let me know what you think! BE HONEST. And if you want this to maybe be a series let me know that as well! :) Also I suck a titles I’m sorry.

Warnings: Drinking. Language. Smut. Unprotected Sex.

Word Count: 8,956 (SORRY)

Pairing: Dylan O’Brien x Reader

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“Fool Me Once” (Bad Boy!Jooheon Fluff)

Originally posted by jhopejung

Title: Fool Me Once

Featuring: Jooheon (Monsta x) x Reader

POV: First person

Rating: PG-13. Alcohol, bars, making out.

Summary: Jooheon seems like a typical bad boy who hangs around the wrong crowd, but after a chance meeting, he might be ready to change his ways.

Requested by @dyo-the-dinosaur!


When it came to the neighborhood I grew up in and the people I knew, you’d never guess what a square I was. You’d think I’d fall into line with everyone else, but I’d gone the opposite; studious, always trying to keep to the straight and narrow and follow all the rules, to the point where even the thought of going against the grain made me itch.

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People often ask me why I like to rewatch episodes of tv shows, I tell them that its comforting and it even helps with my anxiety. Being able to drift away from real life for 45 minutes and live vicariously through my favorite characters makes living in such a cruel world that little bit better.

Tagged in this gif game by the utterly charming @bakingsherlycakes

Relationship Status: Single AF, currently living vicariously through the romantic escapades of a fictional consulting detective and his army doctor soulmate 

Originally posted by welcometoyouredoom

Favorite Color: Bright Pink

Originally posted by freshchemicals

Pets: My family has a golden retriever (unfortunately, she lives with my parents, but I see her often)

Originally posted by dogmos

Last Song I Listened To: “Telephone Wire” from the musical Fun Home…I get chills every time 

Originally posted by albechdels

Favorite TV Show: Probably Seinfeld

Originally posted by yahooentertainment

1st Fandom: Harry Potter 

Originally posted by agizasikmalicikolata

Hobbies: I listen to lots of podcasts?

Originally posted by lqueenll

Book I’m Currently Reading: I just started Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders (there’s no gif of it, but it’s the new novel from the author of the short story collection Tenth of December). I really like his writing. 

Originally posted by nprbooks

My goal is to finish it by this weekend because I haven’t read an actual physical BOOK in months…but I’ve read a lot of great fan fiction!

Originally posted by mysharona1987

Fave Book: Oh god, how does anyone answer this? The two books that I’ve probably re-read the most in my adult life David Foster Wallace’s essay collections A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again and Consider the Lobster. I like his nonfiction better than his fiction, and the brilliant essays in these books make me laugh and think and feel stuff. (gif is from the movie The End of the Tour, in which Jason Segel plays DFW)

Originally posted by harmolipi

*sigh* I’m pretentious. *sad trombone*

Worst Thing I’ve Ever Eaten/Tasted: I vaguely remember trying sea urchin once and thinking it was pretty gross

Originally posted by moviefoodbloggg

Favorite Place: I love the city where I live – Chicago

Originally posted by cshimala

If they’re interested/bored, I tag @justshadethings, @vitruvianwatson, @blimeyhermione, @patiencegrenade @eleanor7lupus @folkyfaery @princess-of-fireflies…and anyone else who wants to do it…I am just too lazy to tag you all! But I like learning about people. I will read yours if you @ me. I will heart it. I will even comment. I will validate your existence

the algorithms responsible for my digital footprint are so great – tumblr knows I follow art history and booklrs, Spotify learned my music taste is stuck in the 1600s, ig knows I use it to share/find drawings, amazon knows all my usual groceries, youtube finds medical documentaries and cute lesbian couples I can vicariously live through, Hulu knows I watch supernatural tv shows… I love that my websites know Who I am. BUT if I click one little thing out of curiosity it’s factored into my suggestions for weeks until I remove it and this needs to be fixed

The importance of tv shows and fandoms

I enjoy tv shows for the fact that they exist. My friends think I’m borderline obsessive with the shows I like but it’s because I live vicariously through them for the hour or so that they are on. I lose myself in this world that the characters and the show writers have beautifully created so for those who have grown up with parents like mine who continually undermine the importance of tv. That’s why I love the idea of fandoms and how there is (generally a supportive community of people avaliable to talk to about things.

I was tagged by @qiaolianmelindamay. And in response to your first thing about relationship status - I too 100% live vicariously through Philinda for any romance I need XD

Relationship status: Single and I don’t like pringles

Favorite color: Red

Lipstick or chapstick: Lipstick

The last song I listened to: I actually was listening to The Mob Song from the new BATB movie when I froze and got a gifset idea and went into a creative flurry.

Last film I watched: UMM… Hahaha I think it was the new BATB movie? I saw it again this weekend. 

Top 3 TV shows: Agents of SHIELD, Firefly, 13 Reasons Why

Top 3 characters: Melinda May, Phil Coulson, Tess Harding

Top 3 ships: Philinda, Hayffie, Nick/Tess

Books I’m currently reading: I’ve been meaning to reread 13 Reasons Why, but nothing lately.

Tagging: @marcuskaen, @studiocapsicum, @tonksiefea, @trust-goes-both-ways, and @jewishfitz

What If: Arrow 5x08 Review (Invasion!)

“’What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if? What if? What if?“ (Letters To Juliet)

Have you ever played "What if?” I have. There are simply moments in life where you know, with absolute certainty, the trajectory of your life changed. You went right instead of left. You lost someone you love. You met someone you love. Whatever the moment, whatever the circumstance, you feel the power it has as it pushes against the inertia of your life. You begin to wonder… what if? What if I turned left? What if I never found you? What if I never lost you? What would my life look like? Who would I be?

It’s a game I play frequently with my mother. We’ve done it for years and years. I think it’s because she needs it sometimes. My mother lost her mother when she was 19 years old. My grandmother died on Christmas Eve, so don’t ever let anyone tell you bad things can’t happen on Christmas because it’s a load of crap. It was a traumatic death and I know with absolute certainty it’s a moment that permanently changed the trajectory of my mother’s life. It changed who she was. It made her into someone else. Sometimes, when it’s just the two of us, she wonders to me, “What if my mother never died? What would my life be like?”

Our conclusions come rapidly. My grandfather would have accepted a promotion and they would have moved out of state, which means my mother probably would have gone to a different college. Which means… she never would have met my father. Which means… I would have never been born. Or my two sisters. The life my mother leads wouldn’t even be a memory. It wouldn’t have existed.

Sometimes “What if?” games can haunt you, but sometimes it can be cathartic. Of course, my mother and I can’t know this is what would have happened, but it feels like the logical conclusion. It feels like the natural cause and effect. Knowing that maybe, just maybe, losing her mother is what lead her to my father gives my mom a sense of peace. It doesn’t take the pain away. Her pain has simply become a part of who she is, but I think it helps her live with it. I think it helps her sort out what she has to hold on to and what she has to let go of.

It’s a game I’ve played to understand my own losses and choices as I’ve grown older. Life is about choices and when you make one a door swings open as one swings closed. The frustrating part of “What if?” is we never really get to know for sure what’s behind the other door.

That’s the wonder of stories. We can live vicariously through fictional characters and watch them experience “What if?” in a way we never can. When I first read the Legends of SuperFlarrow crossover would be about aliens, I recalled the Supergirl episode where Kara lives in a dream world. Krypton survived and her parents are alive. I immediately yelled at the TVLine article, “DO IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE!!!” To my absolute joy, the Arrow writers heard my plea. I can be really loud when I need to be.

I love the “It’s A Wonderful Life” trope. I’ve watched it done on a bunch of different television shows and I never get tired of it. Maybe it’s because “It’s A Wonderful Life” is such a damn good movie. It stands the test of time because we all wonder about the value of our life, our place in our loved ones’ lives and the world. Inevitably, we wonder if our life, our choices, made their lives better or worse. Inevitably, we all wonder, “What if?”

George Bailey speaks for all of us when he becomes overwhelmed with the challenges of life and comes to the conclusion that everyone would be better off without him. That is… until God steps in with the assistance of two angels to show him exactly what that life would look like. George Bailey gets to see “What if?” and it changes his perspective on life. It makes him appreciate the here and now. It helps him let go of what is lost and hold on to what is gained. It makes him reach for what is real. It gives him hope.

Oliver Queen is George Bailey tonight and, happily, Arrow put their own spin on the “It’s A Wonderful Life” trope so there are plenty of surprises. The goal in all of this is to show Oliver what he has to hold on to and what he has to let go of. There’s a reason why “It’s A Wonderful Life” is a holiday movie. This glimpse is a gift.

Let’s dig in… (Buckle up. It’s a long one even for me.)

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My Existential Crisis - Request Sunday #9

~The Fanfic for today´s Request Sunday is based on the following Request~


Warm sunlight falls through your window, illuminating tiny particles of dust dancing though the air. You draw your blinds to keep the sunlight out, which is annoyingly reflecting on your laptop screen. With a pleased sigh you wrap your blanket back around you and start the next episode Supernatural. You´ve been binge watching the first three seasons in the past days and are now in the middle of season four. You haven´t been outside since your vacation started two weeks ago, except for grocery shopping. You binge watched different animes, some Doctor Who episodes and now you were stuck inside the Supernatural world. You’re snuggled up inside your cosiest jumper, completely immersed into the episode, when you phone violently buzzes. You take a swift look at the screen and see Dan´s name appearing on the screen. You decide that he can wait until the end of the episode and ignore his call. You continue watching when no longer than five minutes later your phone buzzes again. This time Dan texted you, asking if you´re ok. You quickly pause the episode with a heavy sigh and send him a short text back, saying you´re ok before getting back to your episode. You´ve been kind of neglecting him lately, but to be fair, he was pretty busy planning and preparing a Radio Show special and a BBC Documentary.

Twenty minutes later your door bell rings, interrupting your binge watching again. You open the door, expecting the mail, to find Dan. “Holy – fuck.” He gasps as he enters your apartment. “What the hell have you been doing?” he adds with widened eyes. “Nothing, I´ve been watching Supernatural.” You say in a defensive tone. Dan takes a big step towards you and fondles your hair. “You have a nacho stuck in your hair.” He says, actually pulling out a nacho from your hair. A little confused you take the nacho from him, quietly murmuring “I might have lost it at some point.” Dan chuckles at your confession and pulls you into hug. “Oh, have you?” he giggles sarcastically. “Come on, you´ve been there too.” You retort sounding defensive again, crossing your arms. Dan´s expression softens and he pulls you into his arms again. “Are you having an existential crisis?” he asks in a soft tone, gently caressing you back.

“Maybe – I mean – what am I doing with my life? I´m attending Uni, going to have a job, plop out some children and that´s it. Why can´t I have a real purpose in life, like defending demons, travelling through time to save the world or defeat Voldemort?” you whine, enjoying the comfort of his warm touch. “Why can´t I just spend the rest of time living vicariously through these fictional universes?” you add, knowing that it would be impossible for several reasons. Dan tenderly breaks away from the hug and takes your hand, guiding you over to the sofa. You sit down next to each other and he places his hand on your cheek, looking deep into your eyes. “Ok, listen –“he says in his melodic voice “I know exactly how you feel. I hit free fall so many times, spending day’s binge watching TV shows and daydreaming about me being part of this universe. But that was before I met you. Now I don´t want to have three tiny baby dragons or defend London from giant humanoid titans, because my real life is just as exciting, maybe even more exciting. Yes, I´m going to be dead someday and nobody is going to fucking remember me hundred years from now, but that doesn´t matter to me anymore. The only thing that matters to me in this infinite universe - is you and that we are together. I love you and I don´t want to spend my life with you sitting at home watching two bleeding brothers. I want to go on as many adventures with you as possible. I want to go on a safari, stroking lions, and see the aurora borealis in real life illuminating the sky above and I want to a croissant while looking at the Eiffel tower and even if this might not include hunting down nightmare creatures, it is going to be exciting and fulfilling, because I´m going to do it with you. If our grandkids will ask us what we did when we were young, I want to tell them all these badass stories about us travelling the real world and not a fictional one.”

Your eyes tear up during his little speech and you can´t stop smiling. You pull him into a hug and softly kiss his cheek. “I think I´m going to take a shower and maybe after that we could go on our first adventure.” You murmur into his sweater. He agrees with a beautiful deep smile and you quickly go into the bath to take a shower. You wash off all the crumps and the dirt from the past days and along with it most of your negative existential thoughts. When you come back into your lounge, Dan cleaned most of the mess you left the past days, including empty bags of chips and a lot of crumps. You take a deep breath and give Dan a bright smile. “I´m ready for our adventure.” You say and he takes your hand into his, holding it tightly and pulling you close to his side and leads you through your front door onto the street, giving you a meaningful and happy smile as you take the very first step of your adventure.

For the rest of your life you will remember this day and every time you and Dan start a new adventure he will take your hand the same way he did that day and he will give you the same happy and meaningful glance as you take the first step on the awfully big adventure that is life itself.

I always found it absolutely ridiculous when people in movies/TV shows would ask someone else to eat something in front of them, so they could live vicariously through watching it happen… However, I would seriously like it if someone could get a french vanilla latte and come sit with me right about now. I’m going to have to sniff it before you take a drink, but lord, I am dragging ass so hard right now.

The greatest act of cruelty-pretending to be our friend

I’m in my 40s so I’m “Older than the average Tumblr lesbian” and was addicted to The 100. I know that I too often get overly invested in fictional lesbians, and because my life is not quite what I had hoped it would be, I pretty much attempt to live vicariously through fictional lesbians trying to find love and a happy ending. I hadn’t even realized how deeply invested in Lexa I was until she was gone.

 I feel so much empathy for the queer teens watching the show because I remember my own suicide attempts at 15 and 16, when there was no LGBT representation on TV and I was just despairing over the homophobia from my parents and friends. To have a TV show dangle representation in front of me, make all sorts of promises and guarantees that I would represented and respected, and then have it destroyed in such a cruel fashion, would have ruined me.

I wasn’t expecting to be so distraught over Lexa’s death but I’ve been devastated by it. I have been weeping every day for two weeks and just feel so incredibly hopeless. I don’t know when I will escape this sorrow because it feels like we have been set back by 15 years, and returned to Xena’s death and the murder of Tara. I feel like it reinforces the feeling that made me suicidal as a teen: that straight people absolutely hate us. That they want us dead and never will allow us to have a happy ending if they have anything to do with it.

Ever since 3X07 aired I’ve been overwhelmed by a barrage of memories of the homophobia I’ve faced in life. I think because Titus was coded as a father figure that I’ve been feeling something like homophobia PTSD & having flashbacks to the time when I first came out to my parents. They’re conservative Christians so they didn’t handle it at all well. My dad sent me to a shrink and once chased my girlfriend out of the house shouting threats at her when they found her in my room after returning home early from a vacation, and then they kicked me out of the house. It’s been over 25 years and isn’t something I usually think about, but since “Thirteen” the memories came flooding back, even though my father and I get along now. I’ve watched a lot of gay film & TV, things where gay characters are explicitly gay bashed or rejected by their family, and I’ve never had this sense of trauma from it. I don’t know if it’s because in The 100 they were treating homophobia metaphorically, and I got my MA in English Lit so that appeals to me much more strongly than an explicit message, or if it’s because I know that if I’m watching a gay coming out story that there’s likely to be homophobia in it, and I have my guard up against it. Maybe that’s the greatest act of cruelty that you committed, was that you got us to drop our guard. I trusted that you would keep your promises and I let Clarke and Lexa into my heart, with no walls up. I wasn’t expecting to be betrayed and was open and so vulnerable when Lexa died. And now that seems to be the most homophobic experience I’ve ever had, because everyone else was pretty clear and up front about their homophobia. You pretended to be my ally and friend.

I have also been reliving all the homophobia I had thought I had forgotten from my late teens and early 20s: threats of violence from strangers when I kissed my girlfriend in public. I spent years of activism with Queer Nation and the Lesbian Avengers (very much inspired by the Riot Grrl movement) in the 90s and then with Mass Equality fighting for Gay Marriage rights in the 2000s, and all the vitriol and hate that I’ve heard shouted at me seems to be subtly expressed in the Dead Lesbian Trope.

Lexa was killed so cruelly and carelessly, stripped of agency as an insult to her power as Heda, and punished for her love for Clarke. No matter what the writers say about their intent, it is impossible as a lesbian fan, who spent 6 years studying the subtext in Xena, to not be able to read the subtextual message they are sending queer audiences in Lexa’s death.

I just wish you and The CW knew how deeply you have hurt people, how much you’ve taken from us.  Jason, I followed you on twitter since season 2 and read all the articles related to the show, especially regarding Lexa or the Clexa relationship. You directly addressed the LGBTQ community and knew our fears over Lexa’s death. You lied to us. You didn’t have to reassure us that we could trust you, that you knew about the Bury Your Gays Trope, and that we didn’t have to worry. Most of us still would have watched anyway, because Clarke and Lexa are beautiful characters. But we would have watched it the usual way that queer women watch TV, with our walls up protecting us from the inevitable queer death.

I am also inspired by what the young queer fans have done in inventing Elyza Lex, and in all the Twitter campaigns and the amazing fundraising for the Trevor Project. (I don’t know why you and the CW haven’t donated to the fund or brought it up in your interview or open letter.)

I’ve tried to do my share to be involved in this Queervolution, and believe it may be the start of something new in LGBT representation. But it still hasn’t brought me peace. I can’t believe all of this sorrow is really from the death of a fictional character. I don’t know when I will stop grieving or how I will find hope again. I’ve been so deeply depressed and thinking about suicide again. Because if nothing has changed in 15 years, if Tara’s death can just be repeated on TV over and over, what’s the point? Will we ever be accepted? Will we ever be happy? When the message from the media is mirrored by anti-gay laws being passed across the country, then I don’t know when we’ll ever be equal.

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"Looking" After Orlando: Jonathan Groff and His Co-stars on the Final Chapter's New Meaning
Jonathan Groff, Frankie J. Alvarez and Murray Bartlett say goodbye to the HBO series.

After two short seasons and a not-all-that-surprising cancellation, Looking is tying up loose ends and giving fans a sense of closure with a 90-minute film, Looking: The Movie, premiering on HBO on Saturday, July 23. It’s the final chapter in creator Michael Lannan’s story about three gay men – Patrick (Jonathan Groff), Agustin (Frankie J. Alvarez) and Dom (Murray Bartlett) – living in San Francisco, looking for love, lust and meaning in their daily lives.

In the wake of the shooting at a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida on June 12 that resulted in the death of 49 people, Looking: The Movie has taken on a new meaning, as it proudly showcases the club scene that has become a safe haven for LGBT expression.

“It’s heartbreaking, but it makes you want to be louder, makes you want to be prouder, and makes you want to wave your flag more,” Groff tells ET, before adding: “It just makes everything feel so much more important.”

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