i live for me

anonymous asked:

OMG!!!!! Today's post was incredible!!! PLEASE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!! I'm so heartbroken I need to know more about Claire in the future. We never get to see these moments in the books because it flashes to that stupid time 20yrs later. Please continue it. Claire needs happiness.

Part 1.

————

Claire jolted awake, the force of the dream knocking her sideways as she clutched her chest and gulped in a much needed breath. She’d fallen asleep in the uncomfortable leather chair again. She’d tisked when Frank bought the damn thing, hating the very sight of it from the off. She pushed herself up, clicking the joints in her spine as she went, eager to be free of her dreams.

They’d landed in Boston three months earlier, Frank had found them a suitable house and had furnished it all within days. She’d had no say in the matter, not that she was present enough these days to make any objections. Claire had found herself an OBGYN who’d immediately put her on bed-rest after she’d told her of her issues with Faith. Now she simply sat in the house, slept, ate and merely existed. She was lost and more than a little lonely.

She’d attested her discomfort to that alone, assuming the large amount of time she spent by herself was slowly affecting her sleep. The visions had started just as she’d begun to show, the little bursts within her now growing more powerful as the baby grew. Now, at a little over five months, she’d finally started to feel actual movement. A great chasm opened in her heart as she rubbed her belly, remembering the first time Jamie had felt Faith kick, remembering the words he’d spoken to her. Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to hold them back.

It was no use, seeing him in her dreams had dredged up the memory of him and his loss burned within her, a searing hole that seemed to gape and grow no matter what she did. It was days like these when she’d find her way into the study, riffle through the overfilled desk and pull out the ‘wanted’ poster she’d taken from Reverend Wakefield’s spare room. Sitting on the floor she’d stroke the rough lines, wishing more than anything that he was here with her or that she were back at Lallybroch with him.

The baby chose that moment to kick, a strong pulse within her, almost as if she could sense Claire’s distress. She sighed and wrapped her arms around her belly, rubbing her fingers over and over her sensitive skin.

“I’ve promised that I won’t talk about him to you, that Frank would be your daddy, but I hate it. I hate that I can’t tell you who he was. I know it’s for the best, at least I thought it was before. But now I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. He’s haunting me – Christ, I’m going mad!” She pushed herself up, dusting bits of fluff from her dressing gown before pacing the small room.

The last vestiges of daylight were filtering through the small slits in the blinds, making the dust motes almost sparkle as they fluttered in front of her eyes. She should be grateful of the safety the twentieth century afforded her, but she wasn’t.

Finally she locked the pictures away once more, slamming the draw and locking it, determined to shake it off. She’d promised after all.

Days turned into weeks and the inner-peace Claire was seeking never came, she often found herself sitting by the locked draw, aching to open it but not allowing herself to do so. The idea of a whole new start hadn’t worked, they’d travelled far away from Scotland and its memories, but they’d followed her. She couldn’t sleep without seeing him. She’d promised she wasn’t going to live with a ghost of a man, but every night she revelled in it. She stopped fighting it and longed for the night when he would show himself to her once more.

Frank had left a few days earlier, off on another one of his lecture tours. He’d invited her to tag along but she’d been so relieved that she’d get some time alone that she had rejected him, stating that it wouldn’t be good for the baby. He’d had to agree, and had made her promise that she’d rest. That wouldn’t be an issue, she’d thought grimly, all she did these days was rest.

The moment she’d had the bed to herself she’d begun to dream more deeply, she’d become almost immersed in her dream-world. On intense days she’d wake in other rooms of the house, occasionally surrounded by Frank’s books as if she’d been searching for Jamie in her sleep. She couldn’t shake it.

-*-*-

She’d been walking through the open Scottish fields, small fires were lit all over the place, Lallybroch stood strong in the background. The smell of death and destruction surrounded her. He was there, as he always was, stood on the brow of a nearby hill, sorrow in his eyes as he surveyed what had become of his lands. Claire’s hands shook, she wanted so badly to kiss away the pain she saw etched into the harsh lines of his face, but she couldn’t get her legs to work.

Calling out she tried to get his attention, but her cries went unanswered, almost as if he couldn’t hear her. Finally his eyes caught hers, she could see the hope light behind the bright blue iris’, she was sure her gaze mirrored his. He smiled, a small thing that eased some of the lines around his eyes. His lips moved, but no sound came. She watched, intent on his mouth, hoping to decipher his words.

“Find…me…” He said, clearly this time, as if he were stood right next to her. She cried out, her vision of him fading before her eyes as she called back, “…always…”

-*-*-

Keep reading

Mine Pt.1

Vampire Yoongi AU 

Destiny is planned by the soul long before the bodies meet.

A/N : I’m finally reposting this after changing the format. Hope you enjooy 

Originally posted by lets-fly-away-bts

You were heading home after a long, draining day at your boring office job. You had to sit with a fake smile plastered on your face all day and just thinking about it made your mouth hurt. You answered complaints, that you couldn’t care less about. Some people would curse you out over nothing, throw all their anger at you, while other would be straight up perverts. Each phone call was more upsetting than the last.

The sun disappeared slowly for the sky to be greeted with light darkness. It was getting late and cold. You rubbed your hands together to create friction for the much needed heat then brought them up to your reddened cheeks sighing at the warm contact. You stopped in front of your apartment building, the thought of having a warm cup of coffee while watching the evening shows was very tempting but you still didn’t want to be alone. At least, out here, there were always people coming and going, so you never felt alone. You didn’t know any of them but their mere presence was comforting. Having had the worst day at work, ever since you started out there, going back to an empty apartment wasn’t exactly the first thing you fantasized about.

You, eventually, decided to take a stroll around the neighborhood. A decision you should have avoided at all cost … Maybe – You be the judge of that -.

You adjusted your coat, burying your face into the large scarf covering your neck and started walking again. The winter breeze still, somehow, making its way through the heavy clothing and sent chills down your spine. You shivered in place as a strong wind went by messing up your hair and sending it flying everywhere. “Ugh ..” you whispered in frustration trying to tidy yourself up when another one hit you harder. Your scarf flew right off your shoulders landing a few feets away from you, you sighed again kicking the ground at your luck and finally deciding this was a bad idea. You turned to grab the piece of clothing when a pale hand beat you to it. You had no idea where he came from as there was almost no one there just a second ago. You looked up at the man, a sadistic wide grin on his face as he stared down at you hunched where the scarf once was.

You have encountered a great deal of scary, even terrifying things in your life but his smile was, by far, the scariest of them all. You eyes traveled to meet his only to fall back from shock. “ What … are you?” you stuttered causing his to shrug. His eyes were as red as blood the black iris swimming in a sea of crimson, his pupil dilated at the sight of, a very frightened, you. You crawled back just enough to make distance between the two of you then swiftly picking yourself off the ground in one motion. You stumbled back, your first instinct was to get away, as fast as you could but for a split second you hesitated. That short instance was more than enough for him to get closer, at a non-human speed, entangling his long, slim fingers in your hair while his face leaned towards yours. His stare was so captivating, so mesmerizing you froze in place. Your heart was beating at a rate you thought would make it explode, you were sure that from this close distance he could hear it and by the dark smirk stealthily curling up on the corner of his mouth, he could definitely sense it. He breathed against your exposed neck, sending shivers down your body from the vibrations of his voice more than the actual sound.

“Run.” He whispered, his smirk widening into an amused smile as he stepped back his hands behind him “As fast as you can. I’ll give you a 10 seconds start.” It was more of an order than a simple statement and you didn’t need anymore to get moving.

You sprung back towards the building cursing yourself internally, your hands looking through your bag randomly for your phone, the keys, anything that would be of help right now but your trembling limbs failing to grab hold of anything. You could hear him from behind counting, his voice getting louder and louder as you stepped further. You were running the fastest you had ever run in your life, but the road only seemed to be getting longer, and you slower.

“Seven … Eight ….” He kept counting, like it was some sick game, you weren’t going to stick around to see the end. “Nine …” His smiled disappeared and was replaced by a cold frown as you reached the front door the the apartment building. “Fuck.” you cursed as you heard him reach ten, pressing the elevator’s buttons frantically. He stood in place even after having said ten, as if he was giving you more time or just enjoying the chase. “You shouldn’t play with your food.” he mumbled before taking a slow first step.

Just when you thought your heart couldn’t beat any faster, it surprised you. It was as if it lurched out of your chest and now becoming a lump in your throat, stopping all air from going in or out of your lungs.

The doors opened and you jumped in not wasting one second.

You pressed your floor’s number like your life depended on it … well … it did. Soon after, you found yourself in front of your apartment door, keys in hand but unable to unlock the door. You stopped, taking in a deep breath to calm your nerves, obviously it didn’t help, so you just tried again this time successfully finding the keyhole.

However, it was too late, you saw something dark moving in the corner of your eye and you hurriedly unlocked the door going in and closing the door behind you and locking it. Remembering when your mom complained about the lack of security and you becoming annoyed at her for being so naggy.

A loud knock on the iron door sent you back in fear towards the kitchen to grab the first knife you could reach. “No, baby girl, that’s not a very good idea.” The rough voice spoke again echoing in your mind, again so captivating you froze.

“W-why are you doing this to me?” You stuttered turning back to face whoever, or whatever, it was.

“Hm … Why ? That’s a good question.” He stepped closer and you stepped back, this continued until your back was left flat against the counter unable to go any further. You met his eyes again, they seemed to have gotten darker not like the vivid bloody look they had to them earlier, they became more of a winey color glistening against the faint kitchen light. You were waiting for an answer, an excuse, a miracle but he just kept moving towards you, his eyes scanning you like a predator.

“It’s sweet how you actually thought you stood a chance, or even had the choice. Sweet … just like that smell of yours.” He ran a finger behind your ear and down your neck only stopping at your collarbone pushing the fabric from your cold skin.

Your put your hands on his chest pushing him back but he was stronger, much stronger than you, and didn’t budge so you settled for a scream.  It was barely audible and your voice cracked in the middle leaving you breathless. You tried taking another breath to try screaming a second time but his eyes snapped back at you.

“Don’t you dare make a sound.” his words piercing your ears like a blade. You couldn’t help but submit to his order as you muffled back the scream. You looked up at him, finally making out some of his features under the light. He had dark green hair.

The chaos in your mind grew even noisier some memories of items of the same color making their way into it, your prom date’s tie, that summer dress your mom made you wear, for a moment you forgot his present almost entirely, until his hands found you again. One gently on your waist while the other tightening around the back of your neck brushing your hair away from your shoulder and gripping it.

“Focus on me, who cares about my hair.” He whispers in your ear and your eyes shot open How did he know? Your mind went silent except for that one question repeating itself. He brushed his lips gently against the soft skin of your earlobe making you flinch.

“That’s better, it was getting annoying… all those memories.” He continued as if he knew the impact his voice had on you.

“Please … Please.” You pleaded not knowing what else to do at this point as he had you trapped with his body.

“Shhsh … don’t ruin the moment.” His calmness was making you even more scared, the nonchalant tone in his voice adding to his psychotic aura. He brought a hand to your mouth covering it gently, surprising you as you thought he would be a lot rougher. He lowered his head to your shoulder leaving pecks as he trailed his way to the middle of your neck. You tightened your jaw turning away from him and squirming around desperate to break free.

A sharp pain shot through your body and your eyes came to a close as you grunted against his hand. Your groan muffled by it. He had dug his fangs deep into your neck and you could feel the blood leaving your body in a slow steady movement. A warm excess of the liquid escaping his mouth and trailing down your clothes and you found yourself trying to concentrate on it to forget the piercing pain he was making you feel. An audible moan left his mouth as he deepened the bite sucking harder and more passionately, his hand tightening around your mouth.

“S-Stop … Please” You managed to let out a soundless plead reaching his ears, you knew he heard you as his eyebrows furrowed in dispute. You didn’t last long enough to see what his decision was as you blacked out collapsing against him.

                        ❝  Jackie … if you’re trying to get pity from me, I’ll let you in on a little secret first: I don’t have any.  For you, especially.  ❞     ( // @selfloviing )

oh my gods what is with Oliver today

he’s been SO MUCH more talkative and just keeps meowing. 
I got up to finally change out of shorts and into pajama pants cause I was cold and the entire time I was in the bathroom and he couldn’t see me, he just kept meowing his whiny little meow. 

Ollie is like, twice the size of his sister, but he’s still the biggest baby of all four of these cats, and probably even of his brother and sister that live at my grandma’s house. 

times like the cipher hunt are when i wish i could teleport

My life is this game of how long can I pretend to be happy, do normal everyday people things & act like everything is okay before someone notices the truth.

tfw ur gender euphoric but u havent felt it in a long time and ur not sure if its bc of how u been presenting recently or if uve been faking all this time