i literally hate models i am so done with them wow!!!!

Mr. Smartass [M]

What happens when you get partnered with know-it-all, Kim Namjoon, for a class project?

4k / smut / college!AU

“You will be partnered with…Namjoon Kim.”

Your professor’s words hung in the air, tension filling the large classroom.

Your fists clenched by your sides, trying your best to keep a neutral expression because you knew all eyes were on you, waiting for a reaction. Despite praying to be matched with your best friend, your professor’s “random” selection process had other plans. Just your luck, you had been partnered with the resident class know-it-all.

   Just perfect.

   Namjoon was an exchange student from South Korea that had come earlier in the semester, though you honestly wouldn’t have known he wasn’t born in the States because his accent was almost unnoticeable. There’s always been some palpable tension between the two of you, even dating back to the first day of class. Whenever you went to answer a question, he would refute it with some smartass comment. The two of you would go on for minutes, debating heatedly back and forth from across the classroom while everyone looked on like they were waiting for things to get violent (and it almost did, several times you had to stop yourself from throwing your textbook at his perfectly groomed head).

   You both were undoubtedly the best students in the class, though, if Namjoon’s grade was even a decimal point higher, you knew it was because he kissed the professor’s ass way more than necessary.

   Your professor continued reading the rest of the pairs from his list and you took a deep breath, thinking of ways to get out of this assignment.

   “I’m expecting great things from you all,” he said, looking between you and Namjoon with a smile before sending a wink in your direction. Your jaw dropped; this was definitely a setup, “Class is dismissed! Don’t forget to meet up with your partners before you leave and exchange emails and phone numbers!” he called over the sound of thank you’s and chairs scraping against the floor.
Putting your pride aside, you rose from your chair and walked to the other end of the room, rolling your eyes as you passed your best friend. She was gave you a pitiful smile as she spoke to her partner, a boy with a headful of greasy curls that covered half his face.

You finally made it over to him, and his eyes were trained on something he was reading on his phone.

“Namjoon,” you said cordially.

“Y/N,” he replied dryly, not even bothering to look up from the device.

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Essays in Existentialism: Arkers

modern clexa au: clarke griffin is the famous singer in the band “The Arkers” and lexa woods is a top model everybody adores. words gets out that they’re dating and the two have stated on multiple times that they’rejust friends. (spoiler alert: they’re totally not.)

The house was silent, was quiet, was void of all sounds and because of that it was a glorious slice of heaven in the middle of a maddening city. With no effort left, Clarke tossed the mail on the counter to be checked later, dropped her bag in the middle of the floor, opened her empty cabinets only to close it against disinterestedly before trudging down the hall and flopping face first and star-fished straight into her big, fluffy, wondrously perfect bed.

She wasn’t sure what time it was, and for a bit, without at least a little effort, she wasn’t positive which time zone she even inhabited at the moment, but none of that mattered. She had time, she had the day to herself, and she had glorious plans to suffocate in sheets and never move.

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Making a Moment (Part 2)

Summary: Dipper finds out he and Mabel might have FEELINGS for each other, so tries to set up a situation where a relationship could develop naturally. Problems arise.

[Part 1]

[AO3 Link]

Operation Mentor

Summary: One of them will ask the other to teach them something, and during the teaching process the instructor in question will assist the learner by taking their hands and demonstrating proper technique, and the contact combined with the sharing of an important passion will lead to a ‘Moment,’ finally.

Step 1: Figure out a skill to be taught

Dipper hadn’t always had the most confidence in himself and the things he’d defined himself by, and while he’d gotten better about it, code-breaking, physics problems, and biological anomalies weren’t skills you taught by sidling up behind someone and grabbing their hands. Even if they were, if Mabel had asked to know more about those things he’d likely start a full on lesson plan and forget the romance entirely.

So he had to learn from Mabel, and luckily most of Mabel’s proficiencies were craft related. He figured pottery was too on the nose, and she probably didn’t have a clay wheel in her dorm room anyway, but he had an in with his earlier agreement. Since he had promised to ‘help’ her with her clothing design, there was plenty opportunity to ask to learn some beginner knitting techniques. Frankly, it was a bit embarrassing that he was completely clueless about the practice when he had a sister who’d been making her own clothing since she was 8.

So, all he had to do was ask her how to knit, and then learn. Sounded simple enough.

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((Oh, you reeeeally shouldn’t have done this right now. I was willing to keep quiet while I finished my projects, and you decided to wait until I had more time to expose you for what you’re doing and have done.

SO I was at church this morning when one of the members of Studiotale decided to show me these screenshots.

I have been running myself ragged trying to get this project done AND still hold my WoW events, through sweat, cramps, and blood. I’ve been emotional, physically unstable because of new medication and YOU have the gall to try to claim I have the time to be sending anons to YOU? My fans matter MUCH more to me than you do.

Okay, let’s break this down.

BOY it’s sure funny that you basically tried to ignore the fact I existed on your blog for months. You never did like me the day I started calling you out everytime you tried to pull a manipulation tactic on me. You tried to pretend I didn’t exist and instead, always addressed me as Error. Never my real name.

I had been getting anons, as well as many others in the group, trying to gaslight us. Now, I see these as a joke.

So let’s take a look at these

Anon 1: Okay, one, first off, I AM the founding member of Studiotale. This isn’t me bragging or anything. I was literally the first person to create Studiotale. If I consider anyone else a founding member of Studiotale? It’s anyone who was apart of the Studiotale skype chat before we held the cruise. Because Studiotale had been securely established enough to hold events. That leaves me, Cymun, Voidmun, Yanmun, Inkmun, and Gmun.

Two, how would you know who was removed from Studiotale? This isn’t public knowledge.

Three. I removed them because whether they wanted to admit it or not, they were a danger to Studiotale. The moment they stared talking to Anna, the anonymous messages of harassment increased. When no one in Studiotale or the blog even knew about the contact until a week later. I removed them because by trying to be friends with someone who has caused so much pain to their family, they told us we deserved to feel the abuse and stress you have caused.

Four, The reason I don’t like you, let’s see, may be because you manipulated our members, forced them to do things they didn’t want, you made other friends feel outcasted, you not only stole from us but you stole from other people’s work, claiming you made gifts for us, but you also sexually harassed, gaslighted, and tried to trigger my son. And unlike my sister, I’m not so easy to forget.

Anon 2: BOY that sounds like something a person would say when they don’t want to be tracked even when I have blatant proof to you admitting ON YOUR BLOG of you sending an anon ask under the same IP, phone model, and location, as the other harassment messages we’ve gotten. Also, what did tractors ever do to you?

Now let’s go back to the supposed anon you claim I wrote:

- I neeeever say lmao. The abbreviation annoys me as much as rofl.

- The only time I use sweetheart is when I say “Oh, they’re a total sweetheart!” As if they’re a totally sweet person and I love them. You’re about as sweet as vinegar

- Okay, just because I live in Texas, doesn’t mean I say “ain’t”.

- I’ve never used staggering as an adjective moreso than a verb. Though the stupidity that you think this is how I type really is staggering.

- PUNCTUATION AND SHIFT BUTTON, OMFG. I ALWAYS hated how you typed, even when you were in Studiotale, I bet some members remember me subtly complaining it irritated me but I was nice and didn’t say anything.. I hated your neglect of punctuation and the shift button. CAPITALIZE YOUR LETTERS.

-Now that mention of rape is funny. Why would I suddenly mention it? I never got any anons talking about rape. But…G’s blog did

I wasn’t the one who wrote this anon, so I know I’m innocent in the eyes of God in that aspect. So that leaves you. So why would I mention rape? Because you mentioned rape but forgot you sent that message to G. There was no guarantee I would’ve seen that message. He never posted it up so no one else would. Except the person who wrote it and who wrote this message. But you KNEW there was a slight possibility I could’ve seen it. When only one person would know about it. And this is only days after I shut down anons on this page

You have the gall to say that no one cares about the rape you committed. But you know what you never had the balls to do? Come clean. You only ever admitted a message was yours when you were trying to be “cute and friendly” and like the others, I tracked it from the same phone. “Oh, but Statcounter isn’t right!” Yeah, that’s why this phone model has also appeared on the awareness blogs and your other victim’s blog for several months.

Surely you remember the FEW times I sent you an anon. I would let you know it was me by ending them with -C. I have NEVER hidden behind an anon mask. …Except for Magic Anons and love I sent to friends. (Spoilers: You’ve long stopped receiving those from me)

I am TIRED, I am BUSY. You are a literal waste of time at this moment and the lowest on my priority list which I finally got done. So I can go back to doing what I used to do and showing all the shit you keep doing.

Oh, by the way, I don’t know how much I have to say it: I didn’t know J when you were removed. When you were removed, it was because Studiotale got together and went “Oh, wow, I thought they were a shitty person to just me, I didn’t know they were doing bad things to everyone”.

You were removed because you were and still are a terrible person.

Here, why don’t you do me a favor? Do these all sound familiar to you?

Remember them? These are songs you claimed to have made for Studiotale. These are all royalty-free songs you tried to take credit for when you were with Studiotale, even posting them on youtube under your name.

Dubwoofer Subnautica by Omnitica - You claimed you composed this for @macabre-masquerade101 ​ as Cap’s theme

Zap Beat by Kevin MacLeod - You claimed you composed this as a theme for G

Vanishing Horizon by Audionautix - You claimed you composed this as a theme for Error

Barge by Gunnar Olsen - You claimed you composed this as a theme for @papercut-papyrus

Chase Pulse Faster by Kevin MacLeod - You claimed you composed this as a theme for Discord (Which btw, I have the exact .wav file of this audio you gave me months ago. I’ll happily give a screenshot of where you put ParadoxialGamer as the Artist)

Funny thing is I found these on the Youtube Audio Library when I was looking for themes for future projects. My fiance’s a youtuber, did you really think we wouldn’t find out eventually? Oh, and yes, I plan to use these in my future projects

Listen, “sweetheart”, I was happy to ignore you until you used my real name. I think you learned a long time ago that it’s dangerous when you pull me into your little game, because I’m nice, but I play dirty. So do us both a favor, and leave Studiotale out of this. Because I don’t have time for games, and while I’m busy, I have little patience for you. This is only a fraction of what I know about you. what you’ve done, and what you will do. Just quit while you’re ah-…Pffft, actually, just quit while you can))

Originally posted by utiligif

Happy Ever After

Written after a prompt of @shadesofblue17, thank you very much :)

It was lunch break and Baz was having the time of his life. As unobtrusively as possible (and after years of sneaking around for Aunt Fiona he was quite good at that) Baz looked out the window over the lawn to the little shack where the goats lived. He took a sip of his coffee and pretended in front of the other teachers to be reading the newspaper. Just plain boring stuff he already knew. The real interesting stuff was going on outside. (Though one might have argued that he knew the stuff outside even better, in detail, by heart)

Baz had never been this close to being happy. Except maybe twenty years ago when he had been five years old and had never heard the name “Simon Snow” before. Every day he followed the same routine after tuition. It was almost like a ritual. He sat at the very same table in the staff room every time, all on his own. He wasn’t one to make friends. There were some of his former teachers that he got along with quite well, but they usually left him alone when he was sitting there without questioning. He drank some drink like a pumpkin spiced latte, the newspaper in front of him with a stupid headline. From this point in the room he had the best view out of the window.

Every midday he secretly cast a spell (“All the juicy details”) that made it possible for him to enlarge images in great distance and enabled him to see better and more clearly onto the lawn.

And as every day, there was Simon Snow, goatherd of Watford, with golden hair glinting in the sun and the eyes ever so blue.

This was far from the future Baz had expected for himself back as a student – being a teacher at Watford, not dead, not a villain, not Simon Snow’s mortal enemy, both of them alive – it was like a miracle. Baz was living a charmed life now. There was not as much misery any more. He could see Simon everyday, even though Snow didn’t know about it (still disturbed – nothing changes).

And as everyday, Baz needed to find an excuse to go complain to Simon about something. But he had been doing this for quite some time now and settled down really well, so he had gotten very creative.

Baz finished his drink in all calmness, then he made his way smoothly down the stairs and walked straight across the field, making himself look superior and unapproachable, just to prove to Simon what he was missing out on. Which, to be fair, was from Simon’s point of view not much.

“Snow,” Baz called out and Simon lifted his head. He was wearing a stupid hat. It looked adorable.

“Baz!” Simon shouted surprised and stumbled a few steps in Baz’ direction. “I- you-”
Simon stared at Baz legs and for a moment of self-consciousness Baz wondered whether something was wrong with his trousers.

“T-those are some nice jeans, Baz,” Simon murmured distractedly.

“You know, Snow, sarcasm really doesn’t suit you.”

“I wasn’t being sarcastic.”
“Then what were you doing?”

“Ehrm… I- I was… complimenting you?”
Baz sneered.

“Why? Do you have some kind of ‘positivity day’ and feel forced to make friends with your enemies?”
“You’re not my enemy.”
That’s sweet, darling, Baz thought. But I really think I am.

“Baz,” Simon smiled and he said it like that name was the most beautiful word in the world. “We should go out. On a date.”

Simon grabbed Baz’ arm and started walking in the direction of the gate. Quickly Baz drew back.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” Simon giggled. “Everything?”

“Yes, I think so too.”

Baz heart was beating to his throat. What was going on? This was unexpected. He didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t in control any more. Simon hating him, that was something he could hold on too. This was just confusing. He needed his control. Without it, he was just going to fall apart.

“Is this some sort of spell?”

“What are you talking about? I mean, earlier, there were Oliver and his friends near the goats, but when I wanted to ask them what they wanted, they laughed and ran away. I wonder what they were doing here…”

“Dammit, Snow, are you really this blind? They must’ve pulled some stupid prank on you. You know how students are. I’m going to get back at them for this, these bloody…”

Baz shook his head.

“I recognize this sort of spell. It’s probably mild and will wear of after a few hours…”
“What kind of spell?”
Baz muffled something inaudible.

“I said 'a love spell.'”

“Oh,” Simon chuckled. “Will you still go out with me?”

Baz just stared at him for a few seconds, then back at Watford, contemplating his whole life in just an instant. Then he sighed and thought, to hell with it, I literally have nothing to lose. Who am I even kidding? My whole life is pathetic. I can’t keep pining after him forever, can I?
Even as Baz was asking himself these questions, he knew that without a doubt the answer was that he would. Compared to Simon Snow, nobody else stood a chance.

“Yes,” Baz said. “Let’s go out.”

The next few hours turned out to be really bizarre. Simon dragged him through the streets of the shopping area. They weren’t fighting or arguing or throwing things at each other. Simon was actually smiling at him. And then Baz decided that he could drop the facade for once and smile with him. After this was over, Baz would pretend it was all just an act, never letting on that this was actually him dropping the act.

At this very moment, Simon held a piece of clothing in front of his face and said: “I bet you would even look good in this.

Baz started laughing at the sight of a purple jeans covered in rhinestones.

“That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen,” he murmured. “No way am I putting this on.”

And even as he said it, he knew that he would.

Baz stepped out of the changing room and posed exaggerating like a male model.

“How do I look?” he asked, grinning.

Just as Simon was about to answer 'fabulous’, one of the shop assistants interrupted them by saying: “Those jeans look really great on you.” and winking at Baz flirting.

Baz shot the guy a short glance. He actually wasn’t bad looking. Still, Baz was about to tell him that thank you very much, but I already have a boyfriend. Well, not actually, but see that cute guy next to me? I’m dating him in my mind.

“Back off, he’s mine.”
That was Simon’s voice. Baz was too shocked to react for a moment. The shop assistant raised an eyebrow, said 'sorry’ in an offended tone and left. Simon looked after him angrily. Baz coughed.

“What did that guy think he was doing?”
“Honestly? He- he can’t just… can he?”
“Simon. We are not together.”

“What? Are- are you saying you wanted to give this guy your number?”
“He didn’t ask for my number.”

“But he was going to, I saw it in his eyes!”

“Wow, you really are cute when you are jealous.”

This silenced them both. They stared at each other. Baz would’ve done anything to take it back. So Simon is under a stupid love spell, but you are not, Baz, you damn idiot. Get your ass out of here before you making things worse.

“Sorry,” Baz whispered hoarsely and turned around, leaving as quickly as possible.

Three days had passed. That meant that the stupid spell had passed by now for sure. And that meant that when Simon showed up at Baz’ door step, that wasn’t a good sign.

“What are you doing here?” Baz snapped.

Simon looked really lost out there, but Baz was not going to ask him in.

“I want to talk.”

“Well, talk.”

“Come on, Baz, I just… I want to know why you called me cute.”
Baz closed his eyes in humiliation. The world wouldn’t end if Simon knew. Only the shiny little cocoon Baz had built for himself.

“Why? So you can make fun of me?” he spat.

“So it’s true,” Simon concluded silently.

“Stupid love spell,” Baz whispered.

“Stupid shop assistant,” Simon whispered back.

Baz smiled a little at the memory. “It really would’ve been nice if you really had been my cute jealous boyfriend.”
“Well, today’s your lucky day!”
“What are you saying?”
“Hm… Just… Just… Like… This spell made me realize that… it doesn’t need a spell for me to want to go on a date with you.”
“Unbelievable,” Baz breathed and he couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening. “Just when I was thinking life couldn’t get any better… you come along.”
“I guess I’ve got a lot on my plate.”

Baz laughed.

“You’re so stupid.”
Simon laughed too.

“But you love it.”
And so he did.

anonymous asked:

STEREK AU / model! Stiles & photographer! Derek - LOVE & LUST AT FIRST SIGHT <3

Derek’s job is literally looking at beautiful people all day.

Which is to say that he’s a photographer, a real one (not one of those ones who run around and hide in the bushes, because that’s not art, that’s glorified stalking, but he digresses), and a good one, too.

The kind that rich people, and famous people, and beautiful people, and the stars that are that heady mixture of all three, literally fly exotic places and feed five-star meals and put up in fancy hotels, all so that they can pout into his lens and allow their shiny, stick-thin bodies to be slapped across the covers of glossy magazines to give the normal people in the world a chance, just for one moment, to live out their fantasies of also being scary-thin and air-brushed beautiful.

Not that he doesn’t love his job. But also not that he’d thought he’d end up here, taking pictures for Fantasy Magazine, when he’d graduated with a photography degree and aspirations of being a wildlife photographer. He’s more National Geographic than Fantasy, himself, but a guy’s got to eat, which is why he’d taken his first invitation for a glamour shoot five years ago. And hell, now he’s getting enough saved up that soon he can fuck off and go live with the wolves, like he’s always wanted.

The point is, Tyra Banks has him on speed-dial. He’s a close personal friend of Heidi Klum.

So there is absolutely no reason that this… this… boy should be making him feel this way.

Stiles Stilinski is one of the lucky few blessed with not only charisma and talent, but also with a face distinctive and yet beautiful enough that not a few boys and girls spend their nights sighing dreamily over one of the Teen Bop or Seventeen rip-out posters of him they have pinned to their walls.

He stars in the kind of movies named Our Last Summer, or It Was Always You, those kinds, with the posters of a too-pretty couple staring deep into each other’s eyes with a tagline of “Love Always Wins.”

He’s not really Derek’s usual clientele, nor is Derek his. Derek usually sticks to the supermodels and international icons, and Stiles Stilinski usually sticks to teeny-bopper publications.

Unfortunately, when Lydia Martin, who, though pretty enough to go in front of Derek’s lens, prefers to work behind it as his agent, says crisply, “Your shoot with Mr. Stilinski is next Thursday at 10 am sharp,” Derek already knows exactly who he is. Usually, when Lydia books him a less serious client, somebody who isn’t high fashion at all, but is just aiming for promotion and glamour and is famous enough to make it happen despite being wildly out of Fantasy’s normal range of talent, Derek has to google them so he doesn’t look like a complete idiot.

But Derek has a sister, who has a twelve year old daughter, who tells him at least once a week that she’s going to marry Stiles someday. Derek had actually gone to Stiles’ last movie with her—it was a trite fluff piece, but Stiles himself has a surprising amount of talent.

And beauty.

And he’s only five years younger than Derek—twenty-three—which made Derek feel a little less guilty about his clandestine jerk-off session featuring him once he had dropped Selene off back at home, because the costume department had done its best to make Stiles appear as the seventeen-year-old jock that he had played in the movie.

So besides the fact that Lydia is not going to let him back out of this one, and besides the fact that Selene, and thus, Laura, would absolutely have his hide if Derek did not meet and obtain an autograph from his niece’s idol… Well, Derek doesn’t hate the idea of this one, either.

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anonymous asked:

Sadly I've never seen any virgin!babysitter!Derek (actually I can't even think of any babysitter!Derek at all) but I can write you a little jock/nerd Sterek in your ask box! Because think of Derek being the nerd of his entire FAMILY, his sisters are both athletic- Laura is a jock (soccer star or something) and Cora is a cheerleader or a dancer or whatever, his parents were both big in sports in college and coach highschool sports now, his uncle is a pro baseball coach, but Derek just (1/?)

he just doesn’t GET sports, he doesn’t LIKE them, he was alright with them when he was younger but now that his body has changed so much sports are just harder, he’s bigger and bulkier and awkward and .. he just prefers to sit inside and read, is that SO wrong? Funny enough (in that horrible “I hate my life” sort of way) his highschool crush likes to read too, yes, STILES, the BHHS lacrosse STAR Stiles, the Stiles who is now FIRST LINE of their college team, he even asked Derek for Greek mythology recs once- and Derek being the awkward dork he is just stuttered and felt bad about it for two months after.

He’s been crushing on Stiles since sophmore year in highschool and when he went to BHU he thought ok a year away from him (because Stiles is a year younger) and a world of adult experiences so SURELY he can get over his crush… and then Stiles is right there a year later and Derek has done nothing but suffer thinking about him all this time, it’s actually PAINING HIM how can he even focus on becoming an animal behaviourist when he knows Stiles is only going to be here for a year or two before heading on to an actual tech college to finish his degree, he knows there are really only two choices here, either he pines over Stiles for the unforeseeable future and never sees him again after a year or two… or he does something about it.

Derek doesn’t do anything about it but that’s ok because Stiles does it for him, because Derek may be really into reading and super smart but that doesn’t mean he keeps up with new electronics, they’re all just a fad that will be replaced in a year by the new model so he sticks with the same model of whatever device he has until it breaks down beyond reasonable repair and he just moves to the next model up, he’s money savy that way, Stiles doesn’t quite see things like that though and one day when he sees Derek’s laptop (he’s pretty sure it’s a 2012 model- for SHAME Derek) he just cringes, he hears Derek grumbling about not being able to unstick the capslock and naturally being a tech major he saunters over and finds out that oh- it isn’t a technical problem, the key is LITERALLY stuck, “I am never letting Erica use my laptop again I swear” Derek mutters and Stiles just smiles softly and grabs a letter opener and starts screwing around with it and Derek is terrified he’s going to just rip the thing off but oh wow it unstuck, and Derek looks up to thank him and Stiles notices his Hufflepuff jacket “Ah dude I’m a Slytherin! We’d be total besties!” and they talk for a LONG TIME before it starts getting really late and Stiles offers to take Derek to dinner and Derek is just so extremely stunned by this and realizes- half way to the place- that he’s still just in the overly casual clothes he wore to the library earlier that day and wow that’s embarrassing but Stiles doesn’t care, Stiles thinks it’s adorable, Stiles thinks HE’S adorable and half-way through dinner that this isn’t just a freindly dinner, this is a DATE, , Stiles Stilinski asked HIM on a DATE and is being a TOTAL gentleman, insisting that he pay, asking if Derek wants to share a dessert, driving him home, and then much to his surprise Stiles doesn’t leave, he follows Derek in! 

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anonymous asked:

can we please get a riarkle head cannon for them raising their daughter

  • mmkay so with Penny they start college when she’s, like, 8 months old
  • So there’s a lot of carefully planned out juggling of responsibilities there
  • Well on Riley’s end anyway lmao she always makes up detailed game plans and Farkle just always forgets something it makes her so mad
  • He always messes up what time he’s supposed to pick her up from daycare or he forgets to buy the right brand of diapers, he may have accidentally taken his daughter to class a few times
  • Riley’s just exasperated every time because jfc Farkle I made a color coded list and schedule of everything you need to do this week it’s so simple do you need me to fucking alphabetize it or something
  • But for the most part, for the first couple months they’re fine. They manage to keep the kid alive, well fed and in good health so they’re like ‘ayyyyye we aren’t awful at this parenting while in school thing’
  • But then she like, starts walking and talking and stuff
  • And they’re like….shit. This is a person. We have to like. Teach her stuff
  • So now they’re like fUCK WE AREN’T ADULTS WHAT and Farkle’s taking out a bunch of parenting books even though he probably already read them when Riley was pregnant
  • And Riley’s freaking out and researching every single teenage parent statistic ever recorded so they know what they need to avoid because she will not be a statistic God damn it
  • Penny’s official first word was ‘Maya’ (can you guess which God parent coached her into that?). Riley found it hilarious but Farkle called Maya at like 3 in the morning yelling “THIS IS SO RUDE”
  • Once she starts walking-walking, not like toddling walking, they take her to the playground every free moment they have
  • By 'every free moment’ I mean they’ll be on the playground with her and a textbook for whatever class they need to study
  • They both read out loud when they’re hyper focused on studying so Penny’s always parroting random equations or science-y terms or political terms and they just think it’s the cutest thing
  • “Oh our kid can eat solid food now we better take gourmet cooking classes to make sure she always eats healthy”
  • Of course when they’re all out together they usually get at least one judge-y look from Older Parents
  • It really bothers Riley but she doesn’t want Penny to pick up on that so she bottles it up
  • Farkle’s just ready to fight everyone tbh he’s like “today after 12 hours of work I managed to bathe and feed my daughter while doing complicated math problems at the SAME TIME and then I HEALED her stomach bug through SHEER WILL POWER so do you really wanna shoot me that look, bitchy mom on the playground??? Where tf’s your husband??? I AM SUPER DAD HEAR ME FUCKING ROAR”
  • Like listen Farkle’s so aggressive about this subject it’s hilarious
  • Riley signs her up for any and all community actives/sports teams she can to help her be more social
  • Penny’s just as super-genius smart as Farkle so she starts school like a year early
  • And holy shit when she starts school
  • Like Riley would go to pick her up and all the judging moms would be shooting her looks and condescendingly bringing up her age if she tried to talk to them
  • And while it still bothers her now she’s just fucking pissed
  • So she becomes like. The most aggressive PTA mom ever 
  • Highkey that woman who makes sure she’s in charge of organizing everything and if someone steps out of line she’ll roast them into oblivion
  • The mom’s all hate her but the Teacher thinks she’s a saint and even the bitches gotta admit they’d probably get very little done without her
  • Makes sure she has dirt on all the other parents so if someone pisses her off she can just be like “It’s okay you’re acting like such a bitch right now, Sharon, I’d be upset too if my husband was fucking our dentist”
  • “Deborah, we all know your baking skills have gone down hill since Craig ran off with your brother, that’s why I offered to bake the muffins in the first place, honey!”
  • “Barbra, maybe if you stopped hitting the happy juice once in a while you’d know when the meeting started!”
  • Like holy shit she’s so passive aggressive about everything, but simultaneously so actually aggressive, and every time she gets worked up like that Farkle’s like “wtf who even are you” but he knows it just her way of blowing off steam from having to deal with all the young parents stigma
  • Either way she rules the PTA and all other parent related committees with an Iron Fist while simultaneously finishing up her masters degree so like “fuck off Susan my brownies are better and we both know Penny can and will kick Braelynn’s ass in the spelling bee”
  • Farkle Minkus still not understanding or caring about sports but showing up to all of Penny’s soccer games with a homemade flag
  • Whenever they help Penny through a particularly hard problem, like fighting with friends or something like that, they’re super proud of themselves and high five afterwards lmao
  • They firmly believe in letting her dress however the fuck she wants unless they’re going to an explicitly formal event, so more often than not Penny’s running around in galaxy leggings and rainbow tutus paired with long cardigans omfg she’s so cute
  • Farkle tries so hard to figure out how to do girls hair and it’s always horrible omfg
  • Penny will ask him to do a simple ponytail and he’ll spend 20 horrific minutes trying his best before he gives up and asks Riley for help and she’ll literally have Penny in a French braid in the time it takes him to blink lmao
  • Penny loves cuddling up to Riley when she’s trying to type out something for class/work and reading along with whatever she’s working on so this kid knows a lot more about astrophysics than most lol
  • 'Farkle’s shoulders’ are her fav form of transportation awwwww
  • They’ve got a scale model of the solar system hanging on her ceiling
  • They just like. refuse to let their kid have any self esteem issues omg they go above and beyond to build her up and make sure she’s aware of how great she is but also stress you can love yourself without being stuck up like they’re on top of that issue
  • They do get the occasional date nights but a lot of nights on the town they have Penny with them
  • And some people are like “Omg hire a babysitter don’t you get tired???? Why do you always have your daughter with you?”
  • And Riley and Farkle are like???? Because we like her????
  • like they definitely aren’t the type of parents that talk down to the kids you feel me
  • Occasionally vetos and approves their fashion choices if they’re dressing up for some event lmao
  • “Yeah we could listen to the Wiggles CD for this entire 3 hour care ride or I could put on an Alt Rock station and teach her about real music!”
  • Penny helped Farkle plan his proposal to Riley it was super cute
  • They’re both always so torn between “wow our kid is awesome” and “what the FUCK STOP GROWING UP SO FAST GO TO YOUR ROOM YOU’RE GROUNDED UNTIL YOU STOP AGING”
  • riarkle ahhhh kill me

Warning: Huge rant ahead I am so sorry

I honestly can’t articulate how hurt I am when people complain that people “always make things about race” when they’re not a minority and will never know what it’s like to be one in America in particular-
I only use my fb for activism and keep it in my more ‘private’ life with people who I can trust will understand because people will literally say things like this and brush off any complaints about racism or minorities feeling uncomfortable as 'complaining’ when that is absolutely not the case.
I try so hard not to make a damn thing about my race, but I don’t get that privilege at all. Every day, at least four people minimum will be sure to remind me that I’m black whether intentionally or not. Growing up, there would always be kids who would make comments about my hair, features and skin color as if I were some sort of alien-
“Wow. you’re like my favorite black girl haha!”
“Black girl hair is so weird. Is this real? You’re black so probably not?” (I had dread locks down to my ass until I was 14)
“You act so white!” (as if 'white’ is a synonym for well behaved or articulate and black people aren’t ever expected to be)

I couldn’t turn on the TV and see more than two people who look like me. I spent literally my entire childhood trying to figure out how to not be such an outsider soley because of my race. I straightened my hair because everyone kept touching it and asking me what it was like to have black hair and teasing me for it, I hated my nose, wore concealer over my lips, bought cool clothes from brands like Holister and Abercombie who didn’t have one colored model on their display but *god damnit I am already a step behind the popular girls because I’m not white*
All of my white friends could dress up as disney princesses for halloween-Snow White, Cindarella, Aurora, etc. but every brown girl had to be pocahontas if they didn’t want to be “black Belle”
I would talk shit about other women of color to remove myself as “one of them” and to show everyone that I wasn’t actually a black girl because I was so ashamed. I would lie that I was half white because I felt so shitty and secluded about being black that I felt the need to- nobody could just say that I was pretty, I was always “pretty for a black girl” and assumed to be mixed anyway because there is NO WAY that black girls actually come in several skin tones, features, hair textures and personalities. I had to have magical caucasion blood to justify my attractiveness always.

I would absolutely love to 'forget’ that I’m black and see everyone as one big happy human race, but I promise you that nobody would let me even if I tried. I will always be aware of how black I am every time someone acts impressed by my intelligence, attractiveness, or personality just because black people are 'supposed’ to be ghetto, loud baby mamas without articulate english or social skills.
It took me so long to realize that I can surround myself with the abundance of educated, stylish and sweet black and latin women to realize that even though It’s rare for me to drive by a billboard, turn on a TV or go into a 'nice’ area and see people who look like me, I’m not a complete outsider as I was led to believe growing up because I don’t have a tiny nose, naturally straight thin hair or find my color of foundation in the drugstore easily. To this very day I have people treat my white friends like royalty in public at a restaurant but act so coldly towards me (because I’m assumed to be poor or impolite) no matter how polite I am to the point that even *they* notice and vent about how they “didn’t know that this stuff still happened”

This is why I will always compliment a young girl that I see with natural hair in public-
I told a girl who looked about 6 years old yesterday in goodwill that her hair was beautiful and she looked so surprised, as if nobody had ever done anything but oggle and talk about how strange or unattractive it was. I had never heard sucha heartfelt “THANK YOU MISS!” In my damn life, and that’s pathetic. I remember what it was like waiting in the line to have school photos taken and all of the girls with white, straight or curled hair get passed combs by the photographers to make sure that they looked their best. I can’t ever forget how the photography assistants grimaced at my hair and complimented the hair of the girl behind me with a smile while brushing it for her.

I finally feel okay with myself and implying that racial issues are nonexistant enough to pass off calling out racism that I spent so many years ignoring “complaining” is hurtful to so many minorities and you need to re-evaluate exactly how 'post racial’ this country really is.

anonymous asked:

Imagine Natasha can't stand Christmas but knows her friends love it so she just uses it as an excuse to be extra sweet to them (I know I'm a grinch but Christmas my style sucks and I need someone who agrees)

(This is sooo late, and I’m very sorry. Have a blast of Christmas in…March. >.>)

While every Who down in Whoville may like Christmas a lot,

But Natasha who grew up in the Red Room did not!

Natasha hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season!

Now, please don’t ask why. We all know the reason.

Upon growing up, trained only to fight,

Natasha was never given time for Christmas, it was seen as a blight.

Now this reason is likely to appall,

But brave reader, please try not to bawl.

But however good the reason, Natasha did not want to be this way,

And stand here on Christmas Eve hating the day

Staring out at her friends with a thoughtful frown,

Wondering at the warm lights and smiles gracing them like a crown

And even though she had to grit her teeth,

Natasha stood up and helped Bruce put up a wreath.

Finally all the Avengers were dreaming sweet dreams without care,

And Natasha snuck back to the little display in the hall, and stood on a chair.

There wasn’t much time, indeed she was rather pinched,

But if Santa could do it, so could the redheaded Grinch. 

Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most pleasant,

Around the whole room, and distributed specialty presents!

And she slunk to the icebox, and pulled out the Christmas feast,

Made sure every last delicacy was preped and greased.

She cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, afterwards, Natasha even threw out the trash!

It was a quarter of dawn, all her friends still a-bed,

All the Avengers still dreaming on, when she pulled out her freshly made bread.

She surveyed what she had done in the night,

Checking to make sure everything was done up right.

Strewn about the room was their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings,

The tags, and the tinsel, the trimmings, the trappings!

She smiled to herself and whispered a dare,

Welcome Christmas, bring at least my friends their share.

Neon Lights Tour (2/13/14) - Anaheim, CA

Okay, not that anyone is gonna read this but I wanted to get this on my blog while it’s fresh in my mind.

First of all, I didn’t have VIP so that sucked, but I’m so happy to everyone that did.  I knew exactly where they were and what room they were in and all that.  I wish I could have climbed into the fucking window and met them, but maybe next time.

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