Being an INFP.
It’s hard to make friends.
So, i don’t know if i’m the only one to experience this. i may be, but i’ve heard it’s an INFP things.
it’s really hard to make friends. No, i don’t mean school or work friends, who you talk to about the weather or who did what. i mean soul friends, the ones you can say anything to and can truly be yourself. i’m not even sure if i have a friend like that. My best friend is my soul sister, but i often feel as if my best friend is myself.
So, why is it so hard to find another human being who you can just Be around? i think it’s the INFP’s disdain for shallow topics. i don’t want to talk about what that girl wore today. i want to talk about how animals dream, if a baby can believe in god, about space and the stars and if fictional characters are real. but no one ever seems to understand what i mean by this. no one but myself, that is.
I have a total of four friends. By friend, I mean someone i go out of my way to spend time with. i have lots of friends at school and at work, but i don’t consider those to be true friends. and of my four friends, i don’t think a single one understands me on the level that i wished they did. my best friend, my soul sister, comes close, but not even she understands why i think the way i do most times.
and this is a really lonely feeling. i just want someone, a friend or a lover, who can not only understand the wavelength i’m on, but respond and have the conversations that i want to have. maybe it’s because i’m an introvert and it’s hard for me to make new friends? but i think i just struggle to connect to people. i can not connect with anyone, and i get upset and frustrated when i realize that no one understands me. it’s very lonely.
i want to meet more infp’s and see is this is a common occurrence. i’m not sure. my mind is so far up in the clouds, and it’s very frustrating to be told to come back to reality. reality is boring! reality is upsetting and unsettling. i want to live in my magical world, where everyone is kind and is motivated by the desire of a happy world. i want to live where money doesn’t matter, nature is free to grow as it pleases, and humans don’t kill each other. reality is stifling compared to this, and i don’t think i’m being naive to wish for this.
gah. i feel alone and misunderstood. :(
i can tell when others are superficial and plastic, and i’m seen as rude for not wanting to be like these people. why do others care so much about popularity and “success”? it’s frustrating when everyone else around you craves these things you find insignificant, and it creates a barrier when you talk to people. you become afraid to speak about your thoughts, and everyone is so wrapped up in social media and texting to listen anyways. even if i tried to initiate conversation with friends, they’re all so glued to instagram and snapchat that they barely here me, let alone respond. it’s so isolating.
i crave connection so deeply sometimes i feel as if life is meaningless without it.
i crave connection but i can never find it.