i like to think that clement dresses like this in real life

Au Revoir, YouTube

If you’ve been watching my last couple of videos on YouTube, you might have guessed that this was coming. Then again, maybe you haven’t and I’m springing this on you like a surprise party - except in this case we’re the only guests, the punch is that really lame non-alcoholic kind, and it’s a farewell instead of a birthday.
Yes, over the last few weeks I’ve been inching closer and closer to a decision to stop making YouTube videos… For now. And considering how much YouTube and (more importantly) you guys have meant to me and what you’ve done for me, I knew I owed you a proper explanation:

I’ve recently started training in the career area of my dreams. I adore being creative and singing and acting and yes, even dancing, and I now get to do it every day, which still brings on the tears and warm fuzzies of happiness when I think about it. Unfortunately though, it’s changed my life in some unexpected ways:

There are things I do now that I’m literally not allowed to vlog - I’m not free to bring you along day-to-day, a restriction I was never expecting. I’m so busy that I’m barely holding together my real-world social life, let alone my virtual one. And I’m having to think about myself in an entirely new light - as a product. I know it’s nigh on impossible that I’ll achieve the dreams I have and get the roles I hope to one day play, but if I want to have a good shot, I have to make sure I’m bringing the best version of myself to the table. And the problem with YouTube videos is they’re only a snapshot of who I am. Of course, for you guys who’ve been watching me from the beginning, those snapshots have built up to form a complete picture, and I feel like you truly have seen me for me, and have accepted me for it. But for someone outside our little YouTube world, who has perhaps done an internet search to see what they can find about me and stumbles across an isolated video, I’ve been given advice that suggests that an isolated video can be what they form their judgement of me off. Which means that making or having videos of me before I believe I’m ready to be judged is going to, well, have an effect. 

After watching my old videos, I’ve had to face up to the fact that I’m no Carrie Hope Fletcher - I didn’t start making videos with my voice and skills and general self presentation already at a near-professional level, and I’m sure as hell still a long way off. I’m also not at the stage where YouTube is a job for me, so I don’t have that monetary element driving me to continue in the face of all this. Maybe things would be different if YouTube was paying me to make videos, but I’ve always made sure to not make YouTube videos for the potential crazy-internet-fame, or for money. I made them for me - and I wish I could say “make”, but the truth is, I’m not anymore. I’m making them for you guys - and because I care so much about you and am so grateful for everything you’ve given me, I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

So all of those reasons make this a situation that generally sucks, and I wish they weren’t so, and I wish I didn’t care… But what I really wish and hope for is your understanding. Regardless of me feeling that this decision is right, I wouldn’t take back a single video I’ve made for the entire world, because they’ve given me some of the craziest experiences I’ve ever had. I got to wake up to thousands of reblogs on my Dave Green video, and grasp the reality that Hank and John Green have seen me dressed up as them, rapping my little heart out. I got to hang out with all of you at the Hannah and Mamrie Hart gathering. I got to run around like a mad thing in a Gryffindor scarf, almost lighting my hair on fire and locking myself out of my house twice in the process of filming. I got to read a message from Ashley Clements saying how much she liked my Hey There Mr. Darcy song. I got to watch charlieissocoollike praise my P4A video. But most amazingly, I got to make videos that lead me closer to all of you. You guys are what gave me the faith and strength to believe I could actually make it as an entertainer. Your praise and criticism helped me grow as a person. Your support and friendship made me feel more worthy of love than I ever have. I love you all, honestly. If I ever make it, you guys will be the people I thank - after I thank my family and the cat I hope to inevitably have by then, of course.

It’s also what’s prompted me to slightly change my decision of privatising my videos, because your comments have made me realise that those videos are a piece of me I gave to you guys, and I shouldn’t take that back. You’ve all journeyed with me through this stage in my life, and I’m not going to throw the diary away just because I think it’s time to stop writing. So what I plan to do is make all my videos unlisted, and provide the links for every single one of them at the end of this post (that’s right, even the one where I’m wearing the fake paper beard). That way, if you still want to watch them - ANY of them - you can. Having them here on this post means only those of you who actually care will end up seeing them (at least, that’s the plan - do tell me if any of the links aren’t working, and I’ll re-do them). And if you don’t want to watch them ever again or don’t care, that’s fine too. I’m not your mum. OR AM I? (I’m not). 

Plus, if I want to make a video in the future that I want you guys to see but don’t want to publish publicly, I’ll make it unlisted and post the link either here or on my twitter, so I know the ones who want to see it will. Either way, I didn’t feel like it was right to take them all away and pretend they never happened (even if I am embarrassed by some of them), because the meaning and sentiment behind them is genuine and real and something I’ll always cherish.

And as the title of this post suggests, this is an au revoir, not a goodbye. I hope to return to YouTube one day, when I think I’m ready. Maybe that will be in a month, maybe a year, maybe three, who knows. I’m definitely not expecting you all to wait around while I figure it out. But I’m by no means departing social media - you can still follow me on twitter, ask me questions on Tumblr, chat to me on Facebook, yell at me in the street - or maybe just a nice hug will suffice.

I’ve got a (fingers crossed) amazing journey ahead of me that I definitely want to share with you all - I’m just doing what I think needs to be done to ensure that journey leads where I want it to.

But there’s one thing I know for absolute certain - I wouldn’t have even started this journey if not for you guys. And so, from the deepest, sappiest, mushiest bottom of my heart, I say thank you. My goodness, thank you. Thank you to all of you: my subscribers, my comrades… My friends.

xxxxxx


Linkaroos:

Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YXK9QqH-QQ

Hey There Mr. Darcy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8COCJtYVnM

Promises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25U9ceQhgu8

Homesick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u42NuTrl_B4

A Santa Theory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZf66ghZSGI

Something That I Know: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGjF8j3VtQQ

Hogwarts Letter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdOgS0pArg

The YouTube Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZ6vLkyi7qw

Changes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu8ZubDdsfg

Everything-Free Chocolate Mug Cake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1AHNwAISXs

Hogwarts Letter - The Outtakes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ToTDzcPr9s

Addicted To YouTube?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfT6auPtmro

Q&A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Yp5PzNN_1A

The Move (Part One): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8sAHIbGT6M

Lizzie Bennet DVD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEdn4_zM9tg

Mug Me - Not Apple-alling Apple Crumble: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hSjR-eLURM

15 Fails: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=risKv49QTXE

Customers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJaK4NF31Sc

My Mockingjay Rant/Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tm5gtcZb9l8

Space and Time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlV84CsTLS0

Radioactive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfepXtFrU8s

The Little Mermaid Is An Idiot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bkL4I2m6YQ

More Me #TMI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MTO7TDfkUI

Third Wheeling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM7Lm0WHxVY

How NOT To First Aid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1v6njY31dc

Getting To The Hart Of YouTube Gatherings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnAHf6jlDqc

Stupid Christmas Carols: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbx1W9ENVw4

Project4Awesome 2013 - A Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTZ2SAtZYYQ

Boxing Day Sales: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO08_JcyoqY

A Doctor Who Christmas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhPCbe2ErRw

YouTube Impressions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHEDlQqkEQo

Hands: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZucyg8RzMU

It’s Not Easy To Be Dave Green: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycemd6IYlNo

The Alphabet Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s4yqbkhDaA

REAL Midnight Memories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arcAt3Kf5t8

THE PERFECT VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMcUb0twDUU

Chasing Peter Davison In A TARDIS Onesie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEvJ47Y6bts

Why Can’t I Be British?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnjywO9zVT8

“Let It Go” Is EVIL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YN4etg8wvY

Consent For Going To Maccas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9ogWje9PT0

A Space Flight Into Space: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M75IXL-rj1w

The Journey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftwXFQYyq20

What To Expect When You’re Expecting (Cats): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU_XB1EiZW0

Adulthood and Dreamworld: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfFiEbIChfE

Disney Cups: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiSng6D-KIs

Do You Want To Sing A Duet?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNnvXUw9Xxo

Epic Rap Battle - Hank Green vs. John Green: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk0GvWQUoQg

The Video Makes Me Squee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqSMRn-07SE

To Infinity and Beyond: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjJgiXhS1ls

Silent Review - The Fault In Our Stars: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFHIbeks5wU

Gone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5aNA3pVGUs

A Little Bit Of Awesome: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfkAcjS05lY

LOOK AT MA FACE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_xG7TDvsX0

Happy Little Krill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd6QUjFYVsk

Something Happened: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hQ-gN094gI

Dear Sam Pepper: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR75RlABHE8

I Can Rap?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx4tmc0NJDw

People Change: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z9gVNHR-3g

EXCITING NEWS!!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsZIusOrc5w

Shake It Off - Dance Cover!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeVZSTUBywU

This Beat Is Sick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlWNWrHM_Iw

Things That Make Me Angry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhEoPtWJo_Y

Unmotivated - The Next Level: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IPs8JY9Buk

Project For Awesome 2014 - World Literacy Foundation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCvj6nnNooY

The Australian Christmas Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw9S-RBA3Fc

ELEPHANTS (New Year’s Goals): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KHplld9b14

Into The PENGWINGS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dWmJXZU2dk

What The French?!?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HFbbZ89Cs0

Lean On Me - Cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aplC7n2rik

A Pathological People Pleaser’s Guide to Poisonous People: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFzB1_yJtgo

Story Time - Bert and Ernie’s Magical Mix-Up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQKbTitdhq4

All For Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52qoxggj46g

Make You Feel My Love - Cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW4Ceafp46g

Q&A With Brown Bear Barney: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LX548hqtnM

Cookies and Feminism: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OBz4yaUW1I

The Hanging Tree: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTjQhzfijPk

A New Diary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wg_gS77Jlgs

Videos of Future Past: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFung_zUsHQ

See You Later: http://youtu.be/f4oDIsQh7p0