i like to play a game called 'how many people will think this is real'

Real advice

So a lot of you on here are teens and might be getting ready to be out on your own. Here are some things I learned the hard way or that are just good to know.

  • Never smoke or quit if you are currently. The cost of addictive smoking is more than half your groceries a month AND the bodily cost will surprise you.
  • Drink water. Yeah okay I know this one sucks but water is much much cheaper than soda, trust me. Your skin will thank you.
  • Send thank you cards. Don’t have any? Get the cheap ones and send those. It doesn’t matter how nice they are, the fact that you sent a thank you card matters. Send it for gifts, people calling you to check on you, those adults who helped you move, and even people who interview you.
  • Withhold 1. Okay so speaking of jobs, on your forms (US) where you are trying to figure out your tax withholding, put one. Yourself. It’s an easy way to make sure you don’t owe $2,000 in April and you still get a pretty decent check. 
  • No pets. If you don’t have a pet now, don’t get one. It’s super hard to get an apartment that will let you have a pet when you are first starting out. Wait until you are a bit older and can afford to rent more than a one bedroom apartment. 
  • Insurance. You’re young, so why do you need life insurance? Because that’s the best time to get it. Yeah, it’s a dumb expense to pay right now, but if you get it early, you can afford it. The longer you wait, the more expensive it is. Car insurance is going to be high for a few years, but it will drop around 22 and 25 years old. Health insurance usually comes through your job and please don’t ignore it. Renter’s insurance is usually pretty cheap and it covers you if there is a fire or natural disaster and you have to go back home to mom.
  • Off brand. This goes for food, clothing, makeup, and cleaning supplies and just about anything else you can think of. For food, Aldi’s is your best friend. I can go fill up a cart of just food and it will cost maybe $70. the same amount of food at Walmart is easily over $150. You can of course be picky, but try to get the majority of your food off brand. Hygiene products too. Goodwill is great for clothes, but plan a trip. Save like 60 bucks and drive near a big city where the rich people live. Go to the goodwill there. You can basically get an all new wardrobe for pennies on the dollar. Makeup is tricky. It can be really really expensive but you don’t really have to buy all of it name brand. Pick whats most important to you. I prefer eye shadows and lipsticks name brand and I deal with everything else from the drugstore. With he right techniques, you can make it look expensive. As for cleaning, I always use dollar tree stuff minus my laundry detergent because of allergies. Bleach, stain spray, and vinegar are gonna be your best friends,.
  • Car. Okay so yeah, that brand new car is nice and sure, maybe you can afford it. For now. Disaster will strike. Something will come up and bam, you’re stuck choosing if you want to walk everywhere or eat. Try getting a slightly used car, such as one of the ones they let people test drive a lot or a car that has previously been leased. Just as nice and much MUCH cheaper. And I have gotten THREE cars with no down payment so don’t let them tell you you can’t. But it is nice to put it down,even $100. 
  • Negotiate. Don’t be afraid to haggle with people. Yeah it’s intimidating but it’s 10 minutes of your life versus hundreds of dollars a year. What can you negotiate? Almost anything. Car payment. Rent. Insurance. Hospital bills. Even due dates for the bills you can’t negotiate on. Also, if something comes up where you have to skip a payment on something, call them. Give them like $25 and explain your situation. Ask if your payment date can be moved with the $25 as a goodwill promise to pay the rest later. It works. They would rather move your date than send you to collections. 
  • Collectors. Okay so this one is tricky. If you have fallen behind and owe a collector, don’t fret. I do too, even as I write this. Owing a collector means that the original service has been paid (health bills, credit card ect) and you are now paying the people who paid your bill. (I know it’s confusing) however, they will usually want the entirety of what they paid for you in 6 months. Meaning if they just paid a bill for you that was $3,000, they are gonna ask for $500 a month. That’s rent. That’s crazy. Tell them outright what you can afford and don’t lie about it either. If you can afford $100, tell them that. If you can afford $50, tell them that. If you can’t afford to pay them anything when they call you, let them know when you can. If you can’t afford it when you told them you could, don’t answer your phone to a number you don’t know. I know that sounds horrible but if you are renting an apartment, renting a car, and literally own nothing, they can’t do much to you. Just pay when you can and try to maybe pick up some extra shifts at work to make a payment. I have been dodging collectors for about three years. I owe I think three right now. I pay ONE of them a month, but it’s a large payment to keep them quiet for a while. I do not suggest this for you, I am just letting you know what I do.
  • Credit Cards. Okay, the big one. Many adults will tell you to never ever get a credit card and that’s just not feasible in this world. However, it can be addicting to be able to go to Walmart when you are negative in your bank account and get that $10 movie. I mean, it’s just 10 bucks right? WRONG. It will build up fast and soon the one credit card you have will be maxed. So you have to get another for emergencies. And another. And so on. So here’s my advice; Get a credit card through the same bank as your checking and tell them to put a limit on it and not let it raise. Then lock that sucker away and forget you have it until a real emergency comes up like a flat tire, short on money for groceries, or that collector that hasn’t been paid in 4 months. You can make it on one credit card if you are strict with your money, which I am sure you don’t have a lot of.
  • Budget. Speaking of money, write out a budget for yourself. Don’t know how? Here’s the easiest way. Most people get paid bi-weekly so here’s how to do it. Make two columns, Check 1 and Check 2. If you have a full time job you know about how much your checks are going to be so put the amount at the top of each column. Now that hard part - figure out what is due when. Is something due June 1st? Take it out of check 2 (end of May). Is something due May 14? Take it out of check 1 (beginning of May). That main thought process behind your budget is that you want to have the money for a bill set aside before it’s due. Paying a bill a few days early is a great way to make a good financial reputation for yourself and for some things even build credit. Now if you get paid bi-weekly, you will sometimes have a month where you get 3 checks. DON’T BLOW IT. Put it right back into your budget as Check 1 and keep the flow going. If you prepay bills, like your car or your rent or your credit card, and stay a month a head of those big ones, you may need that wiggle room later. If your car, for instance, is paid ahead 1 month, you can use the car money you would normally pay that month for maybe some extra groceries or some small emergency without using your credit card and you won’t even fall behind! You’ll just be back to owing every month instead of being ahead. It’s like a savings account without the temptation to blow the money. 
  • Simplicity. Enjoy simple things. A gym is expensive, go for a walk instead. Cable is expensive, pay for internet. Phones are expensive, get on a family plan (there is no shame in staying on your parent’s plan, just pay your share). Food is expensive, enjoy leftovers. Movies are expensive, go early and resist any snacks. Shopping is expensive, go to the mall and spend all day trying on cute clothes and taking selfes in the dressing room (makes you feel like a million bucks sometimes!). Time is expensive because you don’t have a lot of it so If you want to stay in bed all day on your day off, do it. If you want to binge on your day off, do it. If you want to just play board games with friends on a Saturday night with a few beers, do it. Simple fun is way better for your pocket and your anxiety.
  • Mental Health  - speaking of anxiety, make sure you take care of your brain. Go outside, even if it means sitting on your steps. Wake up early, even for just an hour. Don’t burn yourself out at work or school because you will suffer the consequences. Make a schedule. If you have trouble with timekeeping, ask for help. If you feel you do have a real mental disorder, see if your employer has what’s called and EAP program (employee assistance program). They usually help you find a mental health provider and give you a few visits for free. This will help you narrow down what exactly you have and after you’re free visits are up you can see who is in your health insurance network that can provide you the mental care you need. if you are prescribed drugs, always get generic. If there is no generic, ask for an alternative. I will not lie to you, mental health is the hardest thing to treat. It took me 8 years and a lot of money to figure out the right medication cocktail for me and my bipolar/ schizophrenia (yes I have both). Turns out I only need two pills, and if I were to refill both of them right now, I wouldn’t even pay $10 thanks to my health insurance (which sucks but at least it’s there) and because I got generics. Also, talk therapy can be pricey but sometimes only a few sessions can change your life. I have literally only been to talk therapy 11 times in my life and that was to deal with PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia, and suicidal tendencies. 11 sessions. That’s 11 hours. And yeah, I paid over $400 out of pocket for those collectively. But if I hadn’t I would probably be dead right now so it was worth it.
  • Connections. Calling your friends is awesome because sometimes, it’s free therapy. And okay, maybe you’re 19 and you still have a horrible relationship with your parents. It’s okay. I am 25 and I still have problems with my parents. My whole family actually. Social media is a kind of safety net for me because that’s where I can be myself. Find where you can be yourself, it will help you stay sane.
  • Clean. Sometimes when I feel crappy, I take a shower. I clean the living room. I do the dishes. I vacuum. I mop. I open the windows. I get the trash out of the house. Change into some clean clothes. Organize my desk. Clean out your closet and put all your unwanted clothes in bags to donate. Just a small amount of cleaning can make you feel like you accomplished something. 
  • Hobbies. This one is a little hard too. It depends on your personality, your budget, and how much free time you have. Drawing , singing, and writing are free. Exercising can be free if you run or walk in the park. But most hobbies do actually cost money. Video games, playing an instrument, painting, sewing, cooking/baking, making things - those all cost money. Some of them lots of money. But you have to have a hobby outside of social network, sleeping, and working. It’s another thing to keep you sane and it’s just a good idea.
  • Toxic people. Do not be afraid to cut people out of your life that do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself or insult your life. This could mean breaking up with your partner, unfriending a person from your social circle, cutting out a whole circle of people, or even not talking to a relative(s). It’s not easy for some people but if they do not build you up, they will only tear you down. 
  • Drink at home. Okay so this one might sound like a no brainer, but I’ll explain it anyway. Packs of beer and hard liquor bottles are cheaper than a pint and a shots at the bar. Bottles of wine are cheaper than a glass at a restaurant. It’s never okay to drive drunk or even after one bottle of beer. NEVER. Staying at home is cheaper all around and you can drink in your pajamas while watching Finding Nemo on loop. Or invite some friends over and create a drinking game out of a show, a game you already have, or just talk and drink. 
  • Sleep. This one is so important. You need a good bed and a quiet, dark place to sleep. If you are scared of the dark, get a night light. Can’t sleep in silence? Get a fan. I have both of these and they help. You’re brain will feel tired if you ‘slept’ for 12 hours but only got 1 hour of REM. REM can really only happen every night if you are in a calm and dim environment. Quality of sleep will effect your eating habits, your emotional state, your mental stability, and your ability to make rational decisions among other things. 

So these are obviously just a few things, but I feel they are important to share. Please feel free to add any and reblog it for those about to enter adulthood. 

Jealousy Games 01

Originally posted by jikookdetails

Description: You decide to play a game of push and pull with your ex Jungkook, bringing Jimin along for the ride. 

Pairing: JungkookxReaderxJimin

Genre: Smut (M)

Word Count: 8.4k

Warnings: breath play, dom!Jimin, lots and lots of filth.

A/N: This is chapter one of… well, I don’t know. @ellieljade and I just keep brainstorming more and more for this sucker. To the point of us joking about finishing this when we’re in our 90′s….. Anyway. I hope you enjoy. I’ll be working on part two for Room for Dessert and The Guest House soon.

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Being Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Daughter...
  • Lin would cry the day you were born but he would also brag a lot.
  • He’d shower you with gifts but he was also careful not to overdo it
  • Chances are, (depending on your age and whatever year you’d picture this for) you’d be friends with a lot of the Hamilton cast/ and or their kids
  • There’s no doubt about it you’d be a freestyling genius much like him and musically talented.
  • And Lin would be so proud of this
  • Lin’s heart would melt every time you called him ‘dad’
  • He is probably one of the most caring, sweetest, and involved father out there.
  • And if your mother wasn’t in the picture, Lin would be sure to work to fill in her shoes.
  • He would attend all your school events and extra curriculars too.
  • On mother’s day he would plan a brunch inviting his sister and mother over making sure you knew you weren’t alone when it came to the amount of females in your life.
  • Whenever he goes to Richard Rodgers Theatre or goes to work for whatever project he’s working on he is constantly pulling his phone out to show his fellow coworkers pictures of you
  • He can’t help it
  • But one thing is for sure, Lin would make sure you knew how strong of a woman you were. Being a strong activist for equal rights Lin knew how easy it was for girls in today’s society to feel weak and defeated by the powerful and he never wanted you to experience that. So he would make post-it notes and stick them in your lunchbox, on your mirror, and anywhere he could find with sayings such as…
  • “I am woman hear me roar!”
    “Though she be but little, she is fierce!”
    “A strong woman looks fear in the eye and gives it but a wink.”
    “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”
  • And because your father is one of the most encouraging and inspiring figures in the world, not only in tweets but reality as well, he excels at giving the best, most needed pep talks when you’re down in the dumps.
  • Lin had you speaking Spanish as soon as you said your first word
  • Lin would practically document your entire life. He liked taping you and taking pictures while you were doing casual activities such as coloring, singing, dancing, playing with your dolls, running around the house, etc.
  • Tobillo basically being your best friend
  • That dog follows you wherever you go
  • Lin has thousands of videos from when you were learning to walk, practically waddling around and Tobillo was right on your heel the entire time following you.
  • The whole Hamilton cast would be obsessed with you
  • Especially Phillipa
  • That girl loved you as if you were her own
  • And if you were old enough, you would join the Schuyler Sisters in their inbetween shows closet talk.
  • Sleep overs at Jasmine and Anthony’s while your dad is out of town
  • And they would absolutely LOVE having you over
  • You made them want to have kids that much more and Anthony loved taking you to the movies and Jasmine loved taking you out shopping
  • Speaking of shopping, Renee, Jasmine, and Phillipa are always spoiling you with the newest trends and what nots.
  • The Hamilton cast would be like another family to you
  • Always running around backstage with Groffsauce, who usually was assign babysitting duty.
  • The Schuyler sisters- as well as Leslie teaching you how to harmonize
  • Daveed loved helping you with your freestyling
  • You and him always got in heated battles- in good spirits of course
  • Playing childish games during intermission and between shows with Oak, Daveed, and Anthony.
  • Trying to braid your dad’s hair during his Hamilton days
  • Let’s be real, Lin would dedicate Dear Theodosia to you
  • And during Stay Alive (reprise) and It’s Quiet Uptown he had genuine tears pinching at his eyes as he fathomed the thought of losing you
  • But Lin would always run to you and spin you around every night after shows
  • The two of you would walk hand and hand together home and Lin would sing you to sleep every night
  • He’d love making you breakfast and basking in that domestic life
  • I could see him making some of the best pancakes in the world
  • And one morning when you were little, you convinced him to let you have a sip of his coffee
  • “Daddy, what’s that black stuff in there.”
    “It’s called coffee, bebé.”
    “Can I try some?”
    “Uh, I don’t think so, Y/n. You wouldn’t like it.”
    “Please, papi.”
    “Oh alright.”
  • Like he predicted, you hated it. The liquid burned your throat and young little you cried at the bitterness for at least a minute which broke Lin’s heart.
  • Lin would be the type of parent that would love to show you off to family and friends but when it came to posting pictures of you on social media, he usually made sure your face was covered, just to keep an element of privacy in his life.
  • But he does love tweeting stories about you or cute things that you do
  • Your childhood years would be a little hectic. Lin probably wouldn’t be around as much as he wants with filming, acting, composing and all but he would make an effort of a lifetime to be as involved as possible.
  • By your late teens you had already seen much of the world but that didn’t mean you were bored by any mean. Adventure was in your soul.
  • Lin would spend a lot of time with you during his time working with the film Moana. He liked to come to you to find inspiration.
  • Family trips to Disney World and Land
  • Lin is constantly trying to help you with his homework
  • “You know I was a teacher.”
  • Coming to him when you start learning about the American Revolution
  • “Well I mean you came to right person. I did write an entire musical about this stuff. Just use the album for a reference, it’s mostly accurate.”
  • Walking into your house one day after school infuriated as you set your pop quiz on the Schuyler Sisters in front of him, a large 9/10 circled with red pen.
  • “And I quote, I’m the oldest and the wittiest… My father has no sons… dad you cost me a perfect score! Why did you lie in the lyrics, I thought you said I could trust them!”
    “I’m sorry I forgot they had other siblings!”
  • Similar to your father, you swore like a sailor
  • Which also meant you were constantly getting scolded and death glares from your father who claims “He didn’t raise you to speak like that.” Even though you both know he did.
  • But honestly I could see Lin being into girl drama. Like when he picks you up from school and sees an annoyed look on your face he’d just shake his head and say,
  • “Spill the tea, honey. I’m ready!”
  • And on your bad days after dropping you off at home after school, Lin would drive to the nearest DQ and Chick-Fil-A and movie store returning home with gifts in toll.
  • He was one of the only people in the world you trusted enough to tell everything too
  • Dad jokes, so many dad jokes.
  • “Dad I’m thirsty. Do we have any-“
    “Hi thirsty nice to meet you I’m Lin-Manuel.”
  • Being very close with your grandparents
  • Your grandpa teaching you how to cook
  • Your grandma would spoil you tbh
  • Girl talk with your Aunt Luz
  • Your dad would be really big on making sure you knew and understood the importance of equality and treating others with respect. 
  • Weekly meals at their place where your grandpa is also telling tales
  • “You know pequeño, when your father was your age I couldn’t get him to shut up!”
    “Papi-“
    “He was always doing his rapping, talking fast and never making sense but he had passion just like yourself so don’t you ever give up on yourself carino. If your father did he would not be where he is today- and neither would you.”
    “Thank you abuelo.”
  • And when you finally do make it, doing whatever or being wherever that may be, you’ll have Lin’s as well as the rest of your families support because Lin knows exactly what it feels like to have millions of people doubt you and laugh at you for doing the unexpected so his support will never run out.
  • When Lin finds out you have a passion for writing and composing, he immediately takes you with him for a daddy daughter date to the studio.
  • He pretends to be out of ideas for a song and you play along knowing it would be a lot less painful to take the easy path.
  • “Well there are a few different projects I’ve been working on lately. They aren’t too good… pretty shitty-“
    “Y/n.”
    “Sorry… but uh, you can have a look I suppose.”
  • Becoming a co writer beside your dad on his next project
  • Going on walks and hikes together with Tobillo
  • But for real though Lin would be insanely protective over you
  • Like when it comes to you Lin always needs to know where you are and constantly has eyes on you
  • When you got your first boyfriend/girlfriend Lin would FLIP
  • You’d suddenly become a player in the game ’21 questions’ or more like 101 questions when it came to your dad
  • He demanded meeting your significant other and no matter the gender, he held his strong demeanor and hardly cracked a smile- well until he saw how happy you looked in their presence.
  • But eventually he’d come to term with it. Although he would always see you as his little girl, he knew you had to spread your wings and he was not about to hold you back from doing so.
  • And when you finally land a lead role on an upcoming Broadway show, Lin is ecstatic.
  • Every day he calls you to ask how rehearsals are going partly because he’s interested and excited for you but also because he remembers his restless days and nights where he’d come home so stressed he’d forget to eat for days. He didn’t want to see you go through the hardships he did.
  • Ironically enough the new production is held, opening night, in the same old theater you grew up in, Richard Rodgers. Home sweet home. 
  • And on opening night you can guarantee your father is sitting front row with four bouquets of various flowers surrounded by all your family and friends as well as a handful of the original and new Hamilton cast.
  • And he would cry. A lot.
  • But he would also be that dad that right before the show starts, as the lights are dimming, he stands up and shouts,
  • “Go Y/n!”
  • His proud dad tweets would be never ending that night
  • After the production he was sure to be the first backstage and the first to hug you.
  • “You did it, you did it! I’m so proud of you, mi ángel. Congratulations!”
  • You’d be lying to yourself if you said your dad didn’t have a surprise party planned for after the play because he did.
  • Not to be a downer but there would be days where Lin would cry himself to sleep thinking he hasn’t done enough, or given you the life you deserve. He worked himself far too hard to make sure you had everything you could ever need and knew you were loved, but sometimes he couldn’t help but fear the worst.
  • Although at times he can be overbearing, you wouldn’t want it anyway else.

This was so fun to write oh my lord, hope you enjoyed!

-Daizy xx

Yuri on Ice 2017/02/11 all night event report

I’m back from the event and I’ll write a report before going to sleep, mostly because I’m sure I will not be able to decipher my scribbles when I wake up… It’s not the full talk show since you can’t record it and also I couldn’t possibly write down everything, but I tried to take note of most things, especially stuff that has never been mentioned elsewhere. In the end it became quite long so I guess I was able to get most of the stuff down…

Needless to say it’s my notes, so other people might write about parts I omitted, etc. To be honest quite a few of the things they said especially in the beginning, like what the seiyuu think about their characters, is something I’ve read so many times in interviews that I could almost answer in their place, lol… I was a bit disappointed that one of the questions that was answered is the one about Chris’ mysterious acquaintance, because actually Kubo answered that in Pash already (it’s in the Q&A part I’ll be translating later), and I hoped they would feature questions about stuff that hasn’t been explained yet. Well I guess not everybody reads interviews, but still…

Due to the format of the report you can find my comments here and there, mostly in brackets.
Under the cut because it’s long.

I forgot to mention something important: the ones participating in the talk show were Mitsurou Kubo, Toshiyuki Toyonaga (Yuuri), Junichi Suwabe (Victor), Kouki Uchiyama (Yurio).

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characterization, filters, and characterization to be found in the lack of filters

Talking about Jane earlier got me thinking, you know, Jane is not at all the only character that uses this device to show off the less desirable traits lurking in the psyche of all these damaged teens. Like. So many characters have these lurking deep seated issues that stay hidden deep down because the characters are pretty good at projecting a less damaged and more together version of themselves. 

If that sounds familiar it’s because it’s a fucking outrageously relatable quality and part of what makes the Homestuck characters RESONATE so much. Why they feel like they have all this dimension and depth that makes us grab on to them and never want to let go. 

I’m just going to run through some examples here while I’m thinking about it. The first OBVIOUSLY since thinking about her is what got me going on this – Jane. Crockertier Jane removing the layers of self-imposed filter on Jane’s festering insecurity, entitlement issues, jealousy and so on. I’ve already talked enough about that today.

Grimbark Jade! You notice Jade says what she’s thinking WAY more easily while she’s mind controlled, and she still sounds like herself – she sounds kinda like she does when she’s owning Karkat repeatedly, doesn’t she? Because angry Jade has that same effect of pushing her nice girl filter aside and letting the angry witch (not a cutesy slur, her literal witch class) within fly free. Grimbark Jade tells us that behind that nice girl front Jade Harley actually thinks some pretty uncharitable thoughts sometimes, she just keeps a tight fucking lid on it because – well, don’t most people? Relatable as fuck. 

Jadesprite! Since we’re talking about Jade anyway. Jade likes to think she has everything together, that her visions from Skaia and her scientific prowess and the tools her Grandpa left her are more than enough to handle everything that comes her way, she’s independent, she’s capable, she’s certainly never LONELY oh no of course not certainly never CRUSHINGLY OVERWHELMED by the responsibility of her own existence nah those are weak feelings for weak girls who aren’t as awesome as Jade! And then – Jadesprite. Why do you think Jade got SO ANGRY at Jadesprite? Because she was being confronted with something she knew deep down was a reflection of weaknesses in herself (totally normal ones that her later arc reinforced were a mistake to pretend weren’t there – Loneliness and fear and regret are all tied in with Jade’s character progression and learning how to deal with those things is where I imagine her arc would have gone if Homstuck’s ending hadn’t been the literary equivalent of chopping off a limb and cauterizing the wound.) Jadesprite is Jade without the filter of implacable strength Jade imposes on herself to fuckin cope with living on a hell island with the stuffed corpse of her grandpa who she grew up thinking literally killed himself at BEST.  god damn

Davesprite. Dave Strider with a slow long agonizing depressing arc wherein he realizes his coolkid persona won’t make anyone think of him as their best friend anymore, and in the absence of the security that persona afforded him when he was The Real Dave he has no idea what to do with himself. He’s lost, he feels aimless, untethered, incapable of being happy – and yes, Davesprite is his own character, but you can still infer a lot from Dave’s character about him – for instance, how he completely ties his self worth up in how useful he is to his friends or how worthwhile they find him and has no idea how to even BEGIN the hard journey of looking within for worth instead of relying eternally on changeable external sources. Davesprite is Dave not WITHOUT a filter but certainly with a VERY DIFFERENT one.

Homestuck does this with almost every single damn character on its roster at some point. Shows a version of them with a different or lesser or completely missing filter to highlight flaws and issues and internal struggles of all kinds. 

Homestuck is a damn deep dive into an exercise about analyzing nature vs nurture and what we’re predisposed to do and what comes from within and what is put upon us by forces out of our control, and how that line is blurry and messy and everyone has the potential to be either the worst or best version of themselves. Even Caliborn was given a choice. Hussie-The-Character explained it to him at great painstaking length. 

There are so many other examples. Jasprose is Rose without a filter, and the way Jasprose goes around gleefully calling every hot girl she sees hot and delighting smugly in knowing more than just about anyone else and lording over the information and playing smarter-than-thou games – that tells us a LOT about Rose! A LOT about what sort of urges Rose tamps down on every day in an effort to just be fucking cool! 

I bet you have things like this with yourself, right? Doesn’t everyone?

Tricksters! Look at how they act. They’re not themselves but there is plenty to glean from them. Jane immediately goes for Jake, the object of her desire, to pursue an exaggerated version of her idealized future. Trickster Jake is a passive fucking ragdoll who immediately acquiesces to everything everyone demands of him because their happiness becomes his happiness – Jake hates confrontation, so Trickster Jake is just a fucking doormat. Roxy goes for Jake AND Dirk because divorced from the guilt she normally feels for harboring desire toward either one of them she knows exactly what she wants! ETC ETC. Of course they would never do any of this shit if they weren’t high as balls and incapable of understanding the meaning of the word “consequence.” That’s the point. Seeing what they do in this situation is an interesting window in!

Brain Ghost Dirk is a version of Jake (yes, of Jake, not Dirk) without a specific filter Jake runs his own personality through before he’s comfortable presenting it to others, and you’ll notice, it’s EXTREMELY biting and critical sometimes. Jake knows what he’s about. He just buries it most of the time because that’s easier than dealing with it. 

I could seriously keep going. 

Homestuck loves to show us what our favorites do and say and ARE when basic filters go out the window. Those filters that most of us employ to make other people believe we don’t all have intrusive thoughts or bad desires or just plain old weaknesses we’re ashamed of and want to keep hidding at costs – or that we occasionally think things or think about doing things we would never ever ever do in real life are demolished or changed or temporarily suspended. 

It’s brilliant tbh. It lets us see facets of characters that would normally never really get full spotlight reveals by their very nature, especially with protagonists. 

Vriska vs (Vriska) – (Vriska) is just Vriska with some more self awareness and more willingness to let down her self-imposed filter and actually examine the shit she wants and why because watching Aranea fuck the timeline over out of motivations eerily similar to her own hardcore shook her enough to develop in that direction. (which makes sense since HER original motivations are copying Mindfang who IS alt-aranea lmao I love Homestuck)  (Vriska) is still Vriska, it’s just a very very different lens through which to view her character. 

blah blah blah blah etc there are so many examples

anyway I love Homestuck and good character writing what up

OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?
TT: Will I just cease to exist?
TG: i dont know
TG: i mean your whole timeline will
TG: maybe
TT: Maybe?
TT: Is there a chance it’ll continue to exist, and I’ll just be here alone forever?
TT: I’m not sure which outcome is more unsettling.
TG: the thing with time travel is
TG: you cant overthink it
TG: just roll with it and see what happens
TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded
TT: What do you think I should do?
TG: try going to sleep
TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think
TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen
TT: Ok.
TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word “self” and still understand what we’re talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.)  Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending.  Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably

Lance again

-this bitch knows so many languages, I’m not kidding, he knows Gaelic, and he will whisper sexual things in Shiro’s ears, Korean (yes Keith he heard your moonwax poetry about Hunk’s muscles and his caramel eyes), Japanese (Shiro often mumbles under his breath about Lance’s beauty), and so many more.

-he listens to any music from the 20s-to modern and any genre, he doesn’t care what era or what country as long as he likes it.

-as stated earlier he plays the ukulele, I’m adding the guitar (acoustic and electric), and the shamisen (I desperately want to learn how to play this grandiose instrument) and the classical instruments.

-his fav color is grey, or black. He also likes the rain. It makes him feel clean.

-he wears booty shorts and crop tops when he feels like it, which is often.

-Shiro is internally crying and trying not to jump Lance

-lance paints his nails azure and he made his nail Polish himself, fuck space malls and their outdated fashion.

-who the fuck wears parachute pants anyway??

-Lance watches The Addams Family, The Munsters, ghost hunting shows and serial killer documentaries.

-when Haggar does that magic voodoo bullshit she gets the fuck out real fast and vows never again. bc fuck the blue paladin is fucking horrifying, why does he know how to cook and eat a human?? Why does he know eighty ways to kill a man in an empty room?? What the fuck??

-Lance has existential crises on the ship, Allura hears him talking outloud about the inevitably of death and the numbness of existing,, she is shook and has to sit for hours to recollect her will to live, she vows to solidify Lance’s place in the team and thier hearts

-Lotor freaks tf out,,, how is someone so damn beautiful hanging about his such riffraff,,, he tries to snatch lance away after lacing his drink,, Shiro shoots Lotor in the ass for even trying to steal his koi.

-When Lance goes swimming Hunk goes with him, lance doesn’t go alone after he decided to go surfing at night on veradero’s coast. He was taken down and nearly drowned

-lance has always wanted to be a waterbender, so when a druid hits blue with a quintessence blast ending with lance and blue melding their quintessence together he gains the ability to manipulate the states of water he fucks around with everyone, Keith’s pants suddenly get wet, Pidge’s water stays in the glass (even when she holds it upside down), Shiro’s shirts are always wet and they stick to him like a second skin. Ice covers Lance’s arms and he panics resulting in some queen elsa bulllshit

-if you piss Lance off be prepared for a fucking guilt trip,, he will wreck you and your bloodline.

-He will call Shiro out on his favoritism daily,,, bc you can’t favor two people out of a crew of seven, including yourself, self care Shiro. Self care.

-Lance can hold his liquor like the Irishmen of old. Challenging him to a drinking contest is asking for alcohol poisoning

-Lance is a romantic/angry drunk.
(“Shhhirrooo, dance wif meee”///“I will kick your ass, I’ll kick my own ass, I’ll kick the Sun’s ass”)

-Lance always wanted to be a surgeon, or a coroner. The human body has always interested him, this explains why he watches those documentaries

-Pidge snaps one day at Lance for no reason, lance don’t play that white people shit where the young ones rule the damn world, Pidge now understands La Chancla™ and the fear. She also gets a timeout and naptime.

-Lance will mother the shit out of anyone and anything.

-alien refugees? Boom! Mother lance at your service!

-he gives Lotor a strict talking too, it doesn’t work and lance is left with a bruise the size of a volleyball.

-Shiro nearly kills Lotor with his organic hand.

-Hunk and Lance cook and bake and talk about boys. Pidge is ace, Allura is asexual, and Coran is faithful to his deceased wife

-Hunk is also Lance’s sparring partner, neither of them ever hold back, one day Kieth walks in on them and thought they were trying to kill each other

-lance dislikes the quite, he fills it with his voice so he doesn’t go mad with depression and kill someone.

-he contemplates death so much. It’s worrying

-the mind meld thing? Yeah, everyone comes out mildy scared and mildly threatened.

-Shiro thinks its pretty hot when lance rambles about serial killers, Shiro supposes it kuro trying to break out.

-Lance loves having shaved legs and wearing cute dresses and skirts

-florals are his favorite pattern

-this boy is a leggy boi.

-he wears heels and slays the make-up game.

-Allura is jealous.

Talks Machina Summary (Episode 89)
  • Denise message: “I emerge from the loam to reclaim what is mine.”
  • Brian gives Laura and Liam roses a la Bachelor. Travis doesn’t get one and is v. sad.
  • Critrolestats: The last episode crushed the record for most DM facepalms.
  • Laura and Vex both thought they wouldn’t be able to get through to Vax and would thus have to deal directly with the Raven Queen
  • Laura asked Matt for a bunch of information about the Raven Queen after buying the book.
  • Grog was hesitant to get involved in Vax’s resurrection after his contribution wasn’t heard in Scanlan’s, but Travis couldn’t resist the callback to what happened in the workshop. In the past, he would’ve shaved Vax’s head or something, but the prank-war stuff seemed less appropriate now.
  • Travis after a discussion of which tooth Vax lost: “We haven’t yet addressed dental work in this land of Exandria.”
  • Laura mentions that it was really intimidating to have Liam on-set for the ritual. Brian proposes a Waiting-on-Resurrection cam, and Laura tests some lighting for it. Travis is terrified.
  • Laura didn’t realize Orcus is, you know, a god. She got a lot of tweets along the lines of “you done fucked up”. Travis recounts the story of the time Matt showed him a picture of Orcus and how terrifying he is. They all point out that Matt could very well deviate from the D&D canon in his interpretations of these characters, so they’re trying not to make too many assumptions.
  • Brian: “I went reddit-free like Travis, and I lost 15 lbs of emotional regret.”
  • Grog has been paying attention to all the good things Vax has done for the rest of the party and beyond, and so he’s been moving away from seeing him as just a target for pranks. Both Grog as a character and Travis as a player were really moved by Vax’s words in the workshop, to the point where he couldn’t come up with a response and chose to just leave it at that.
  • Laura is still appalled that Travis tried to steal her donuts.
  • Laura doesn’t think Vex would’ve become the champion if Vax hadn’t made it, and she wouldn’t have put on the armor. She didn’t make that pledge to the Raven Queen, but she wouldn’t have blamed her for what happened. If Matt hadn’t ended the last episode where he did, Vex would’ve blamed Keyleth–unreasonably, Laura hastens to add, but she would’ve lashed out irrationally. There wasn’t really any place to add that in, but she had a callback to that emotion in the apology to Keyleth later in the episode.
  • Everyone discusses how Keyleth made the right call in jumping out with the twins when she did.
  • Liam is choosing to interpret everyone’s successes in their various resurrection rituals from an in-game perspective as Vax deciding that this is a sign that they’re all being pushed along a certain path, and that they all have a purpose together in the Raven Queen’s eyes–he’s Fate-Touched, but they’re all tangled up with him.
  • Grog essentially assumes that the resurrection ritual is gonna work every time, because that’s what’s happened so far. He’d react pretty strongly if one of them permadied, because he’s not used to dealing with the death of people he actually gives a shit about.
  • Grog is mostly just relieved that Scanlan’s alive. He doesn’t have a very nuanced impression of why Scanlan left, but he assumes he’s gonna be back.
  • The twins bicker over whether Vex might technically be older than Vax now since he was dead longer.
  • Travis talks about developing a character with a weakness and playing to that weakness. Makes it much easier to improv a character if RP is an important part of the game.
  • Liam: The point of the game for this group is to make each other laugh and surprise each other.
  • For playing characters that are family in D&D, Liam and Laura recommend sitting down to hash out backstory together, so you can throw in references throughout to tie it together. It also helps that they already kinda treated each other like siblings to begin with.
  • Laura has really been noticing what a great job Marisha’s been doing of building Keyleth’s character, and Vex has been noticing it, too. “Keyleth’s been getting so freakin’ cool because Marisha’s so freakin’ cool,” and she can finally let that start to bleed through.
  • Grog didn’t entirely get what Percy did in terms of the Friends spell, but if he’d asked Grog to do something he didn’t want to do, things might have been different, but he didn’t give a shit either way.
  • Laura doesn’t think Keyleth’s mom is dead.
  • Someone points out that Vex is the only one who hasn’t called VM their family. Laura is startled and says she absolutely considers them her family, it just hasn’t come up explicitly.
  • Liam points out that Vax doesn’t know shit about being a paladin of the Raven Queen. Laura points out that Vex arguably knows more about the RQ than Vax.
  • Laura starts going through all the flavors of donut she had. Brian cuts the show there.

After Dark:

  • Vex would give up the broom to save Trinket, would not give up Trinket to save Grog, but would give up the broom to save Grog… and would probably not give up Trinket to save Grog.
  • When asked if Vax had any criteria that his friends could’ve failed the resurrection with, Liam refused to answer.
  • Laura ran into a Critical Role fan at Target once.
  • Ashley got recognized a lot in New York by Critical Role fans.
  • A fan asks Vax what it’s like to be controlled by a voice actor named Liam O’Brien. Liam, in-character: “Well, he’s a bit of a dad, isn’t he? He’s a doofus.”
  • Everyone is asked which item they’d want to have in real life. Travis: Whisper. Laura: Raven’s Slumber on the long-term, the broom on the short-term. Liam: Deathwalker’s Ward.
  • Laura saw fanart of Vax giving Vex the feathers when they were kids, and she loved the idea. Originally they were just part of Kit’s concept art.

A thing you probably don’t know about me is that sometimes I get in this mood where I don’t want to do anything but spend every spare moment binge-watching House, M.D. for several days at a time. I was on ep 2.15, “Clueless,” AKA that one where Wilson crashes at House’s place for a while, when inspiration struck and this Sterek drabble happened. Or… It’s almost 2k words, so maybe it’s a bit more than a drabble, BUT it’s still a drabble in spirit. (Rated T.)

It’s almost midnight when Derek finally shoulders on his coat, locks his office door, and steps out, only to spot Stiles crouched in front of the vending machine at the end of the hall, whacking the glass with the heel of his palm and muttering darkly.

Derek can’t just ignore him; he never can. (It’s a bit of a problem, and everyone in the hospital seems to know it, except for Stiles.) Before he knows it, he’s changed tracks and walked right over. “What are you still doing here?”

Stiles sits back on his heels to look up at him. “Bob ate my dollar and I’m feeling petty so I’m trying to get it back.”

“Bob?” Derek asks, a split second before he remembers that Stiles named the vending machine. It’s just this kind of thing that makes Derek feel guilty for sometimes looking at Stiles’ mouth a little too long, or pausing to let his eyes follow Stiles’ progress down the hall. Stiles isn’t a kid or anything, but he’s still only 26 to Derek’s 32, and he’s still got a year of residency to go. A lot of times, like when he’s jamming out to his iPod while he looks over lab work or doing stupid stuff like naming the vending machines, he seems to Derek more like a college kid than a grown man with a medical license and a house and a girlfriend.

Stiles goes back to hitting the vending machine, and Derek remembers why he originally came over here. “Didn’t your shift end at 7?”

Stiles smirks up at him, and Derek tries very, very hard not to imagine him making that same face in certain… other contexts. “What, you got my schedule memorized now, Dr. Hale? I’m flattered.”

It would make Derek’s life a lot easier if so much of what Stiles said didn’t come out sounding so flirtatious. Derek crosses his arms over his chest. “You’re deflecting.”

Keep reading

Extremely frank Reaper/Gabriel Reyes discussion and analysis follows:

I mean this in the politest yet bluntest way possible:

Gabriel Reyes/Reaper is hardcoded mlm.

I’m going to level with y’all

Gabriel/Reaper is legitimately one of the strongest mlm-coded characters in current media.

And before people go, “You’re biased, you’re pulling this out your ass,” Gabriel/Reaper is basically a “mlm character designed and written by straight men (mostly).”  I’m actually willing to believe that Blizzard has semi-decent intentions with him at this point, but from the outset, Gabriel/Reaper’s design is so blatantly “we aren’t entirely sure how to design/write a mlm character so we’re gonna kinda throw everything at the wall and see what sticks.”

I am not saying all mlm individuals in real life behave like this or do these things.

Rather, I am saying that these are mlm stereotypes perpetuated in the media that artists, designers, and writers at Blizzard have seemingly applied to Gabriel Reyes/Reaper.

Here’s the “we took every major mlm stereotype and built it into Gabriel Reyes/Reaper’s character” list:

  1. Talking with a slight lisp
  2. Incessantly sassy, sarcastic, and sardonic
  3. Wearing jewelry (Reaper canonically wears a silver bangle on one wrist, seemingly only for aesthetic purposes)
  4. being dedicated to “an aesthetic” - single major color palette, with “pop” accent colors like red and silver
  5. Dropping pop culture and music references nonstop
  6. wearing heels
  7. Wearing skintight clothing
  8. His entire “we’re vaguing this” relationship with Jack Morrison/Soldier: 76
  9. The fact that zero female characters in the game hit on him (as opposed to Soldier: 76 and Reinhardt, where Ana compliments the former and straight up flirts with the latter)
  10. Quoting Edgar Allan Poe
  11. frankly, literally dressing himself as the deadass “opposite” of Strike-Commander Morrison (while Soldier: 76 basically dresses “the opposite” of Commander Reyes).
  12. He makes his own Halloween costumes
  13. the implication that the only people allowed to call him by a nickname (Gabe) are Jack Morrison/Soldier: 76 and (rather reluctantly) Sombra
  14. Death Blossom - although the Ultimate title is a reference to The Last Starfighter, Chu has joked that it’s related to Gabriel/Reaper hurling roses at Jack/Soldier: 76.  When someone on twitter make a photoshop of Reaper attacking Soldier: 76 with a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day, Michael Chu joked, “Well, it is called Death Blossom.”
  15. Having a paired spray with another man (Jack Morrison/Soldier: 76) - the Commando “Contra references” sprays
  16. Continuing to call Soldier: 76 “Jack” despite 1) “hating him” (or so we are told), 2) Soldier: 76 trying to obscure his name, 3) Soldier: 76 technically having been “Strike-Commander Morrison” to Gabriel Reyes/Reaper for decades says a lot about Gabriel/Reaper’s attitude towards Jack/Soldier: 76.  Despite having a major fall out and literally fighting each other, Gabriel/Reaper persists in calling “John Morrison” by a personal nickname.
  17. If “This is my curse” is, in fact, a Killswitch reference - holy hell, y’all.  Holy. Hell.  “This is my curse/ The yearning/ This is my curse/ There is love/ Burning to find you/ Will you wait for me?/ Will you desire?/ Your silence haunts me/ But still I hunger for you.”

There is no “cute flirtatious banter” between him and any female/feminine character in the game.  By this, I mean interactions that are comparable to, say, the McCree-Hanzo “this is thirsty work” lines or the Pharah-Mercy “Let’s keep the skies clear” lines or even the Ana-Reinhardt “and you look as lovely as ever” lines.  In fact, arguably, the only lines where Gabriel/Reaper actually has “cute flirtatious banter” are with Jack/Soldier: 76.

Soldier: 76: Well. You sure take to this bad guy thing easily, don’t ya? (said with laughter)
Reaper: And you sure know how to play boy scout. (said in a teasing tone)

Soldier: 76: One of these days someone is gonna to put an end to you.
Reaper: I invite them to try.

The latter is seemingly the reason why Soldier: 76 will sometimes say “Well, someone had to do it.” when killing an enemy Reaper.

(Meanwhile, on Soldier’s end, he either is entirely oblivious to Ana’s compliment on him “looking pretty good,” or he straight up ignores it.)

Once again, I am not saying all mlm individuals in real life behave like this or do these things.

What I am saying is that these are, by and large, stereotypes of mlm individuals portrayed/perpetuated by media that Gabriel Reyes/Reaper exhibits.  And while I think many of them are more entertaining or better-portrayed than many other mlm characters in media, we should keep in mind that these all snowball into something much bigger.  Something that Blizzard has only seemed to fuel with the Uprising content.  Whether or not they ever actually act upon it in a direct or outright manner is debatable, but regardless, here is what is currently present in the game, comics, and animations.  Furthermore, Chu has recently retweeted “familial Strike team content” from a major fandom artist who has posted and continues to post Reaper76 content.  The official Overwatch twitter retweeted content from a different major fandom artist who posts Reaper76 content almost exclusively (though the retweet was of Blackwatch content).  Even if the content itself does not directly show Gabriel Reyes/Reaper engaging in romantic interactions with another man (Jack Morrison/Soldier: 76, in these cases), it DOES mean both Chu and someone on the Overwatch social media team are watching these artist accounts.

But yeah, sure.

It’s all “subtext.”

(that’s sarcasm, btw.  Because some readers will take that literally.)

Warframe personalities from how I see them, by my first glance at them.

Heads up, this is a long post. Enjoy~!

Ash: Aloof mofo with a stabbing habit. could rob you of all your money in texas hold ‘em. Too much damn side eye. Kills everyone is the room, then breaks for coffee like nothing happened. Ninja who steals the last slice of cake from the fridge.

Atlas: would kick your ass then be your best bro. is dead inside? somewhat likely but can’t tell anymore. makes shitty jokes. I get he’s a one punch man stone golem, but c’mon, the guy gives pretty good hugs.

Banshee: Resting bitch face, but is sound sensitive so she has a reason. Most likely up to god knows what hours listening to music enjoying synethesia sensations. Knows a thing or two about where to find the best obscure books. Caring protective friend.

Chroma: Moody guy who just wants some fucking peace and quiet. Hoards things like trophies from kills, bet this guy has so many hunting trophies? ffs, his ult is a dragon pelt, might as well be a dragon! Really good at pissing off people without even trying.

Ember: Sassy friend wants all the tea. Best booty to boot. You see that guy over there? He’s on fire. She fucking murdered him with sick comebacks. Don’t get me wrong though, she might like her bacon crispy but she’s a pretty loyal friend. Probably would come get your ass for a revive with intent to raze the fucking field with wildfire.

Equinox: Calm balanced friend??? Has two sides she shows to different people, everyone who talks to her might find something different about her. Likes keeping a lot of houseplants in her room in the dojo. Courteous and polite and gives the best backhanded compliments under a pleasant facade.

Excalibur: Average Joe. Good at a lot but not the best, really doesn’t give his best. Very athletic. rushes through missions impatiently. Might play too many hack’n’slash games in his spare time.

Frost: Stoic, quiet, probably has some thought going on at all times. Reads a lot of mythology from before the orokin era. Procrastinates and stalls for his buddies while holding down the fort. solid person to talk to if you need someone to listen.

Hydroid: The guy has enough mentions about tentacle porn, it’s safe to say he’s hoarding a hentai stash somewhere. or people assume. just a guy who loves the water, could talk for days about fish and where to find all the best seafood restaurants. has had enough people mentioning pirates around him. has a good, hearty laugh.

Inaros: Tired, always fucking tired. Sleep? I’ll sleep when I’m dead. if you can kill me, that is. Mmm. nom. Corpus tastes metallic. Grineer tastes like really bad slimy chicken. I’m not sharing what infested taste like. Shields? What the heck is that? Appreciates old architecture and hoards ayatan statues.

Ivara: Sneaky sneaky~ I got an arrow for just about any job. Just because i am a cyclops doesn’t mean i don’t have depth perception, dumbass. Carefree happy lady, fun to talk to. Makes lots of banter with teammates on missions.

Limbo: Trolls might love this guy, why doesn’t he have a fedora helmet yet? I’ve not seen enough Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure to know what those references mean. He’s a real gentleman, very inquisitive. He’s a scientist? Aw, cool. Prolly spacing out while carousing through the rift, thinking about his next project.

Loki: The Cheeseframe is what people call him. Knows where all the loot is, all the time. Giggling and pulling pranks 24/7. Can do shit effortlessly and stares at his team wondering why the fuck the had to trigger the damn alarm in a mission. Also, hammerhead shark. This guys likes playing card games too.

Mag: In a state of calm and panic at the same time. Doesn’t show much though. Magnetic personality? Could crush your heart in a minute. Has a good taste in interior design, rather good at art deco/ industrial. Has some walls to get through before befriending her, but melts like a marshmellow when ya do.

Mesa: 360 no scope!!! It’s high noon! okay, now that’s out of the way, let’s keep going. Keeps an orderly schedule, off doing solo missions all the time. Loves a good movie, could talk about her favorite film for hours. Deserts are dry? So is her humor. Would shoot you without even thinking.

Mirage: You thought Loki’s pranks were bad? At least her enemies get these night mare shows and not you. This chick loves horror films, special effects make up and disco. Pretty good at good at lighting up the room and your smile. She really just wants a good time, okay?

Nekros: Sick mofo who tells dead baby jokes. Has some interesting kinks. Rarely eats, if ever. Would look you dead in the eye and try to tell you bad puns seriously as possible. Has seen the dead walk again, thinks they’re best buddies. good guy to go to a graveyard with.

Nezha: Srsly good looking.. guy? girl? oh idc he can be genderfluid and i’d still think he’s attractive. Got serious hula skills. Never takes himself seriously and just loves going for long missions. Knows a thing or two about culture, rather classy guy but can be a bit childish. Never really grew up, but you don’t notice that behind the charm.

Nidus: This is the I-don’t-give-a damn guy. He wrecks everything he touches, spreads space aids, yet his personality is far from cancer. Very good with animals. A bit messy. Too many damn things talking in his head from the infested and ignores them like a champ. They bend to his will.

Nova: A Good Egg, if slightly cracked. Giggles at the mention of inane words. Everything explodes!!! ADHD in a frame. Good natured wholesome friend who loves everyone. Bad habit of breaking appliances and electronics. Geiger counters near her start playing Imagine Dragon’s Radioactive?

Nyx: Look at this frame. You took a good warframe and gave it anxiety, sheesh. Shy, kinda hard to deal with hearing everyone’s thoughts sometimes. ain’t got time for your drama. Loves talking about current events, but not much of a gossip out of respect for others. giant personal space bubble, do not touch!

Oberon: Royal pain in the ass, but a lovable doofus so you kinda just let it go. Very protective dad friend, complete with dad jokes. Probably would like to finish your sandwich if you’re not gonna eat it. Would open his home to you if you needed a couch to surf on.

Octavia: This girl loves all music, could help you find just the mix you were looking for. Got sick dance moves too. Might have been in band. Would happily binge watch any tv show with you and discuss everything about it. You don’t know what so charming about her, but you really like her so you always accept her invites. Had a bad habit of fidgeting.

Rhino: This guy could bench press a grineer ship in one hand and corpus ship in the other. you don’t move out of his way, he runs you over, simple as that. gym rat, for sure. somewhat impatient. watches way too many superhero blockbusters and devours the comics. Mows down the entire enemy wave just get your sorry bleeding ass back up and fighting again.

Saryn: Oh, good lotus, this chick has got good looks and a deadly touch. Cunning girl could outsmart anyone. Low key annoyed in general. Would back stab you without a thought, given a reason. Knows a lot about cooking. I mean, if you’re going to poison someone or at least know how to work in the biolab you should probably know how this type of chemistry works. dodges responsibility a lot tho.

Titania: flighty as fuck, gets startled easily. graceful; she has good fashion sense. you have no idea where she came from in the room. fairy tales are definitely her thing, but happy endings really aren’t true with that state of things right now in the solar system. too many butterflies, but is fine with it since they help her stay calm. Actually really good at flying archwings, I think?

Trinity: First one to rush into the fight, last one to leave until everyone is okay. Is the Mom friend. Likes to be helpful. Rather much a bitch to those she hates. She may have an open heart, but don’t walk all over this girl. Cross her once, shame on you. Cross her twice, she leaves you for dead on eris, end of story.

Valkyr: Look, she’s been through some shit, has ptsd, the very least you can do is give her a cat plushie and your support, okay? Gets angry easily and has meltdowns. She’s not a pushover. She knows what’s best, she can endure. semi serious, jokes fly over her head. it may take a bit for her to like you. literally a cat frame, you don’t know love until you’ve been loved by a cat.

Vauban: Forget Limbo being a troll. This is THE trollframe. Went to college for engineering, came back out a smart ass. Don’t loan money to him, he prolly won’t pay ya back. Pretty good drinking buddy tho. Reads a shit ton of shakespear to know what that sense of humor really is. Shit poster, meme hoarder extrordinaire. you can have a grenade! And you can have a grenade! YOU ALL CAN HAVE GRENADES!

Volt: Impeccable taste mixed with sharp commentary. Why does he have a helmet that’s a boob? maybe he has a high schooler’s sense of humor? would be honest with you and tell you straight up what needs to be done. This guy likes expensive suits. Has a tendency to be impulsive.

Wukong: Has loads of stories to tell. Good memory. Can comeback from just about any setback. determined and will happily grind with you in missions for hours. Also pretty damn stubborn and doesn’t listen well to others, kinda has to speak first.

Zephyr: Life’s a breeze here, right? Kinda goes with whatever and has a hard time deciding on things. Kinda clumsy too. Crashes raids and blows away the enemy. Usually minds her own business with her head in the clouds.

Sleepless nights

As I mentioned in my post for Nursey Week, I’m from New York City, and by that I mean Manhattan. But I go to school in the mountains, where the most noise we hear at night is the occasional truck passing by. What this all means is that I can barely sleep on breaks now, because it’s too noisy and there are always lights shining through the windows. If Nursey lives on the Upper East Side, he doesn’t have the lights problem, but I’m still going to project my exhaustion on him (with some NurseyDex because of course). Here’s to 4 hours of sleep a night.

It’s the first night of summer break and Nursey is in his childhood bed glaring at the ceiling wondering why his mind is refusing to let him sleep. Maybe it’s the incessant honking of taxis, maybe it’s the way the streetlamp shines directly through the slit in the curtains that can never be fully blocked. Maybe it’s the fact that the smell of cigarettes is filling his room from the assholes smoking on the stoop right below his window. Either way, Nursey’s done. He just wants to sleep, damn it. Heaving what he knows is an overly-dramatic sigh, he rolls onto his back and pulls the sheet over his head.

The phone’s light is harsh against Nursey’s eyes, but he squints at it anyway. 4:37 in the fucking morning. Nursey scowls and goes to Snapchat. If he can’t sleep, he might as well see how other people spent their first night of break. Ransom and Holster are unsurprisingly together, at a motel somewhere along the way to Ransom’s house. Bitty’s Snapstory shows a cute fully-stocked kitchen with a cobbler cooling on the counter; the timestamp says 1:12am. Farmer decided to practically livesnap her and Chowder’s trip to California, and the last photo is of Chowder passed out on the seat of a plane, captioned “we literally just boarded.” Shitty sent Nursey a series of videos at 12:43, smoking, ranting about a case he recently read, and telling Nursey to “get a night of some real sleep you fuckin’ beaut.” Nursey scoffs. Sleep. Right.

But then he gets to Dex’s Snapstory and is surprised to see a timestamp of 4:29am against a black background, captioned “it’s too early for this shit.” Nursey switches over to text and types with one eye open, hits send, and promptly drops his phone on his face.

Me: too early for what?

Nursey isn’t expecting Dex to respond, but a few seconds later his phone is buzzing against his nose from where he left it.

Dexyyy: tf are you doing awake Nurse

Me: idk man what are YOU doing awake

Dexyyy: You’re gonna chirp me and it’s too early to be chirped

Me: awww dexy you take away all my fun

Me: pinky promise i won’t

Dexyyy: Ugh fine. It’s the beginning of lobster season. Gotta start waking up before the spirits go to sleep.

Me: damnnn dex, cant catch a break can you

Dexyyyy: You promised

Me: that was hardly a chirp

Dexyyy: Whatever

Dexyyy: So what the fuck are you doing awake

Me: lol

Me: couldn’t sleep. Too many cars, too much light, too many thoughts

Dexyyy: City boy.

Me: is that supposed to be an insult?

Dexyyy: Don’t know. Maybe?

Me: gotta step up your game, poindexter

Dexyyy: Shut up Nurse

Dexyyy: I gotta go

Me: have fun killing innocent life forms

Dexyyy: Fuck off

Dexyyy: Just go the duck to sleep nursey

Dexyyy: *fuck. Ugh.

Me: lolll

Me: yessir

Me: gnight

Dexyyy: sleep well

Me: zzzzz

It’s 4:48 in the morning. Nursey is contemplating just getting up and starting his day. The pre-dawn light is starting to filter into his room through the curtain, casting a hazy rectangle onto the wall. Nursey gazes at it, thinking about how somewhere a few hundred miles away, Dex is preparing to get on his uncle’s boat and spend the morning hours on the water. Nursey wonders if the sun looks different from Dex’s amber eyes than it does from his own grey-green ones. He closes his eyes, thinking about how he and Dex went from nearly killing each other during the seniors’ graduation ceremony, to texting before the sun came up.

When Nursey opens his eyes, six hours have passed. He stumbles out of bed and stretches until his shoulder pops. Glancing at his phone, he sees three texts from Dex: the first two are sent at 6:26 in the morning, and the last at 11:39.

Dexyyy: Don’t tell Jack but I’d almost rather be doing suicides than fucking fishing for lobster. I smell like bait.

Dexyyy: Didn’t realize how used to cushy college life I’d gotten. I’m getting new blisters.

Dexyyy: Are you still asleep

Nursey realizes he’s smiling at his phone. And since it’s the first day of break and he has nothing to do all day, he’s pressing the call button before he can talk himself out of it. Dex picks up on the third ring.

“Dex!”

“Finally get your ass out of bed?”

“You realize that you have to text me every night now? So I can go to sleep? I only was able to sleep because you told me to.”

“Nursey, what the fuck.”

“C’mon man.”

“No.”

And then they’re off, Nursey asking about Dex’s morning and listening to Dex complain about ‘going soft’ during the year while Nursey rolls his eyes and gets dressed, then Dex grouching about how Nursey doesn’t have anything to do for the summer, and an hour later Nursey finds himself booking bus tickets up to Maine while talking about how they’re going to celebrate Chowder’s birthday that year. He pauses just before hitting the ‘book tickets’ button.

“Dex.”

“Yes?”

“Uh. You sure it’s cool if I come up? I mean, like, dude, this isn’t really…”

“What we do?”

“Yeah.”

“Well. I don’t know. Maybe we should try being friends without Chowder playing middleman.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s chill.”

“Ugh, if say ‘chill’ ONCE I will throw you off a pier.”

“You just want to see me wet.” (Nursey nearly smacks himself for that one.)

“Fuck off, Nurse. We literally see each other soaked in sweat like six days a week.”

“Okay, well, tickets are booked.”

“‘Swawesome. See you in a few days?”

“Yeah man, see you soon.”

And then Nursey is left in a New York City brownstone grinning madly in the middle of his room, thinking how much better this summer has suddenly become.

anonymous asked:

How would the rfa and Saeran react to MC being an irl princess of some foreign country? Like... honest to goodness royalty? Thanks!

A/N: I hope this was everything you wanted! I don’t really know much about royalty so I just kinda rolled with it.. If it’s not good I’m sorry! Anyway, if there are parts that don’t make sense i’M SO SORRY I HAVE A FEVER but i’m using this time to write requests because my bby followers deserve it. Sorry for being gone for so long! Thank you all for the support you give us, 404 and I are working hard on requests right now <3 ~ 626

*YOOSUNG

  • this poor boy had no idea, he doesn’t pay much attention to pop culture like that
  • one day you invite him over to play games at your house because you have a super huge tv and you knew he’d love that!
  • when he’s at the gates of your mansion house, he calls you because there’s no way this can be your house???
    • “MC, are you pranking me??? It was bad enough last time when you put toothpaste in my oreos!”
    • “Just come in, you dork”
  • when he hears the gate buzz, he finally realizes that you’re rich as hell
    • it all makes sense now??? You always take him out to super expensive restaurants and for Christmas you got him an amazing gaming computer???
  • he’s about to faint oh my god yOU’RE SO RICH
  • when he’s roaming around the hallways of your mansion looking for your room (he refused the butler’s help, he could do it himself), hE SEES A PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR PARENTS AND YOU’RE ALL WEARING CROWNS???
    • nah, no, there’s no way you’re royalty, you guys probably did a photo shoot, there’s no way this is possible
    • wait is that an entire row of pictures where your dad is meeting important people
    • is that Barack Obama? Is that the pRIME MINSTER OF SOUTH KOREA???
  • he faints
  • when he wakes up, he finds himself in a huge bed and you’re sitting next to him playing a game
    • “You’re finally awake! I’ve told you that you need to take care of yourself, did you even eat today?”
    • “MC ARE A YOU A QUEEN?”
    • “No, but I will be in the future”
    • Aaand he faints again
  • Once he finally gets used to the idea of you being a princess, it makes so much more sense to him!
  • You’ve always sounded really polite and elegant when you speak, and you handle the RFA fundraisers so easily, no matter what crisis comes???
  • He loves seeing you all dressed up, you’re so cute and beautiful!!! <3
    • You’re his Princess Zelda

*ZEN

  • He thought your name sounded familiar when you introduced yourself in the chat, but he didn’t really think about it
  • But when he finally gets to meet you, he’s in so much denial???
    • It can’t be, a princess fell in love with him
    • If you thought his ego was big before, it’s the size of the Titanic now
    • It’s even bigger when you tell him you watched his movies before you talked to him on the app
  • It never really hits him until you go shopping with him one day and you buy him a Louis Vuitton suitcase aS IF IT’S NOTHING???
    • wAIT YOU’RE BUYING LIKE 5 BAGS TOO???
    • Like yeah he makes decent money from acting, but holy hell you’re rich
  • He honestly loves this so much though
    • You two are an amazingly dressed power couple!
    • You’ll take over the political world and he’ll take over the pop culture world <3
  • You end up giving him “prince” lessons
    • You teach him how to deal with the pressure of the public and how to speak politely but firmly
    • You make him walk with books on his head and record him even though that’s something you never had to do
    • You get him to quit smoking by telling him a true prince would never do such a thing
    • He almost cries
  • HE LOVES DOING PHOTO SHOOTS WITH YOU, HE WILL USE AN EXCUSE TO BE IN A MAGAZINE WITH YOU
    • “it’s your half birthday”
    • “it’s national best friend’s day”
    • “it’s tHE ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY WE FIRST DID IT
    • zen pls no
  • He wears his future crown at home when no one is around
  • He’s really happy that you’re a public figure so he can flaunt you when you guys go out <3

*JAEHEE

  • She knew the second you introduced yourself in the chatroom!
  • She’s honestly dazzled, a real life princess??? What is this???
    • But she kept herself in check, she realized you probably have a lot of people who hound you on a regular basis, she didn’t wanna be one of them
  • But she honestly loves talking to about your country’s political system
  • With your leadership skills and Jaehee’s organizational skills, you both work together to implement programs for underprivileged children
    • You two are a power couple omg, literally unstoppable, you two even consider starting clean water projects in other countries???
    • Unstoppable
  • Jaehee considers opening a coffeeshop chain in your country
  • She loves seeing you dress up!!! You’re so adorable and beautiful in all the elegant clothing <3
    • She totally doesn’t take pictures of you when you aren’t looking, there’s no way she has an album of 300 pictures of you
  • She’s really afraid of how the world will react when they find out you two are actually together???
    • Dumbass tabloids think you two are “gal pals”
    • But you don’t care, even if you have to step down, you don’t care
    • “Listen Jaehee, I love you. You’re my best friend and I would not trade that for the world. If my country wants me to step down because I have a girlfriend, I will. I’ll find a life with you because I cannot imagine a life without you.”
    • tEARS SO MANY TEARS
  • Jaehee  highkey lowkey uses you to meet famous people (but she loves you, es okay)
    • You don’t really mind though, it makes her happy
    • So you take her to as many events as you can, you want to make her smile as much as you can
  • You love this precious little bean and you are going to give her the world

*JUMIN

  • Of course he knew who you were, he wasn’t an uneducated idiot
  • And while it was nice to know that you weren’t with him for the money
    • He was kinda disappointed???
  • You’re a princess, you have the entire world at your feet
    • He wanted to spoil you, but you??? Have??? Everything you want or need???
    • But with the help of Zen but with his brilliant mind, he was able to come up with stuff he knew you never got!
    • hE WILL MAKE SO MANY THINGS FOR U
  • He started making food for you <3
    • And yes it tastes terrible at first but it got better after awhile!
    • At the beginning he was the type to just put the entire egg with the shell in cake mix
    • hE’S SO CUTE IN AN APRON OMG
  • He takes knitting classes???
    • He knits you everything he possibly can, a sweater, scarf, gloves, beanies
    • He totally doesn’t knit a baby blanket and baby hat for your future kids
  • He supports your decision not become queen because you decided you wanted to do other than things than run a country
    • Like be his totally hot secretary
  • You eventually move into his place and he lowkey feels ashamed bc it’s so much smaller than what you’re used to
    • But you assure him that you prefer his place because smaller places feel so much more homey than mansions
  • You’re actually much busier than Jumin when it comes to work so he’s always home before you and he spoils you so much
    • When you come home, you can always expect a shoulder/back massage
    • There’s always a warm meal that he makes because he’s not letting someone else do something for you that he can
    • When you have really bad days at work, he runs a nice, hot bubble bath couple with candles and rose petals
    • He’s pretty much ur house spouse, who knew Jumin could take on such a domestic role???
  • But he’s still senpai in the sheets

*SAEYOUNG

  • Ofc he found out when he did a background search on you
  • And he’s so fascinated by you???
    • You help run a country??? You do so many good things
  • He’ll never understand though
    • How did someone as great as you fall for someone as terrible as him
  • Everything you do is so great and he’s stuck in a field of work that could get him killed
    • But with your power, you’re able to get him out of his job
    • And he’s so, so thankful to you
    • He doesn’t really let himself be vulnerable in front of you but when you told him you could help him, he cried for hours
  • What did he do to get someone as amazing you???
    • He doesn’t know it but you totally got someone to assassinate his dad
  • You actually help him get a job as an engineer <3
    • He hates using you for your connections but he knows he deserves the job, he’s not going to deny his talent and ability
    • He’s so thankful for you
  • And he becomes your right-hand man??? Anytime you need to make a difficult decision about your country, he’s there for you!!!
  • He gets a pet monkey so he can compare himself to Aladdin
    • “Listen children,,, you don’t know how hard life was for me,,, I was a beggar,,, always stealing food to survive,,,”
    • “Saeyoung, stop lying to the children and actually teach them, I wanted you to get the kids interested in computers”
    • “I was nothing but a boy with a monkey and a magic carpet,,,”
  • You two come up with a plan to get kids more interested in computers and he’s in charge <3
    • He loves teaching all the children! They’re all silly and goofy like him
  • He has no idea where he would be without you and he’s so glad he met you

*SAERAN

  • This boy has no idea, like none at all
  • Rika chose you to retrieve the phone, and he was just supposed to follow you
    • And he knows like nothing about pop culture “It’s useless information that’ll take up space in my brain” so he didn’t know who you were
  • He finds out one day when he sees an article about you helping open up a school in a third world country???
    • Like he thought you were amazing before
    • You were the one who helped him through his therapy, through all the nightmares that plagued his nights, through all the bad thoughts that overwhelmed him
    • In his head, you’d always been his queen
    • But it turns out you’re actually a princess?!?!
  • And you help so much around the world
    • He could deal with you being a princess if it weren’t for the fact that you were a huge philanthropist
    • You educated women in India about reproductive health??? You helped teach disabled children in China??? yOU DONATED 25 MILLION DOLLARS TO A HOSPITAL IN SEOUL???
  • He actually killed someone and you helped people live longer and better
  • He actually avoids you for a few weeks after he finds out
    • He’s just having a hard time coming to terms with it? You’re a goddess and he’s the devil, why are you with him?
  • But you weren’t having any of it, you literally kicked his door down, you gave him his space and now you were going to talk
    • He ends up crying in your lap
  • But you manage to talk it out with him and you make it very clear that you aren’t going anywhere
    • “I love you, okay? You don’t have to understand why I do, but you need to know that I do. I don’t care if you think I deserve better because I choose you, Saeran. I will always choose you.”
  • He eventually decides he wants to help people with you
    • Yes, he made a huge mistake in the past, one that he is so sorry for, and he will spend the rest of his life trying to make up for that
    • He’s no V, he’ll never be an angel, but he’s sure as hell gonna make the world a less crappy place
  • He comes up with so many great ideas!
    • Music programs for underprivileged children! Reading classes for uneducated adults! Programs that help teenagers get work experience!
  • He creates so many outreach programs and he’s so happy that you gave him the chance to do that
  • Started from the bottom now we’re here

*V

  • This boy is as clueless as Saeran
  • Between photography and Rika and being a dumbass, he doesn’t pay much attention to the world
  • ·      He ends up finding out through Jumin??
    • “Oh by the way MC’s father is going to be visiting my father, we’re going to talk about having MC model for one of our products”
    • “wHAT”
  • He’s honestly so happy though
    • You’re such a fantastic person who else could put up with him pining after Rika for so long and you deserve everything
    • You deserve all the praise and attention you get
  • He totally doesn’t fantasize about becoming a prince
    • And he so doesn’t go around singing Disney songs
    • “anD AT LAST I SEE THE LIGHT”
    • “what was that honey?”
    • “Thinking about the top 10 things a blind person will never say”
  • This boy is such a saint, you two implement a program to help disabled children
    • And not only does he help implement the program, but he actually participates in it???
    • Crying cause V deserves the world
  • He becomes your family’s official photographer!
    • This happens because he was lowkey salty when you hired someone else for an event
    • “Oh you need my help getting something from the high shelf??? Why don’t you ask that photographer?”
    • V pls shut up
  • But you do drag him to one of your photoshoots and after that he’s as addicted as Zen
    • You two make such a beautiful couple, how could he not be addicted???
    • He has pictures of you everywhere in his house
    • And he knows how much you love him, he can always feel it, but he absolutely adores the expression on your face when you’re looking at him and seeing it from an outside perspective makes him want to cry
  • He loves you so much, you’re his goddess <3
Experiment #2 - Request

Originally requested by @newts-fan-caseSo could you do a Sherlock x Reader were she is riding his face? (Lol I’m a sinner but I ain’t sorry) like for an experiment ‘cause Sherlock thinks a person can’t get aroused just by giving pleasure to someone else, but he is wrong and yeah ;)
& Anon:  Hi! Can I request a smut one shot with Sherlock where he wants to try have the reader sit on his face and eat her out and she’s shy & a bit self conscious with her body and he makes sure he makes her see Stars (with a little fkuff)? Thank you!
Requested by anon:  The “Experiment” was awesome! Can we have a part 2? Pleeeeeaaaaseeee
& a shit load of other people.

This is Sequel Friday first winner.

Pairing: Sherlock x reader.

Word count: 2,886

Warnings: Smut (unprotected), un-edited, secuel (yup, it’s a warning)

A/N: Amazing way to wrap an amazing week. Thank you to everyone who voted!

Enjoy!

|PART 1|

After Sherlock’s little “experiment”, his relationship with (Y/N) turned somewhat odd. They would continue to work together and act professional during the cases, but the tension between them was too much.

He had showed her a side that not a single human thought existed, or at least didn’t want to see. He had been patient with her, loving even, making sure to make her feel comfortable at all costs, complimenting her, being gentle and respecting her limits… Definitely thing a real gentleman does, but not the kind of traits one would expect from Sherlock Holmes.

Then there was also the fact that John was sensing some change of vibes in 221B. Of course, he figured it had something to do with Sherlock’s usual arse behaviour, but it was weird to see (Y/N) affected by it.

Sherlock was sitting on his seat, Watson was on his and (Y/N) was between them on the “victim’s chair”. Watson had a stern, determined look on his eyes and Sherlock was calm as usual, thinking that John was too dumb to have figured anything about him and (Y/N).

“What is going on?” John asked carefully.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hello! i don't think i've requested this before (please forgive me if i have!!), but could i request a sort of "friends to lovers" au with joshua from svt? thank you so much for your time!

find friends - to - lover!seungcheol (here)

  • you and joshua met at summer camp in middle school because you two were the only kids who actually read books on the bus ride to and from the camp ground
  • and literally all the other kids spent the time playing games or shouting but nope. you and joshua sat by each other, silently, reading
  • and you two,,,,,,just kinda naturally became a duo,,,,,,,like you were always partners for sporting events and helped each other during arts and crafts
  • and it was cute,,,,,,,,all the counselors thought you guys were adorable and the other kids would call you the shy couple but you and joshua,,,,like,,,,,,,you just became inseparable
  • and throughout the years you supported each other as friends until you know,,,,,,you guys started to come out of being shy and stuff and funnily enough you and joshua got into the habit of being like sorta competitive when it came to school
  • and you guys just got inside jokes about out-doing the other person,,,,but like all in good fun??? never seriously or in a mean way
  • you also gossip with each other like,,,,people see you and josh and are like woW such diligent, polite students but LOL you and him have your fair share of savageness
  • but it’s totally a bestfriend thing where you meet up to get coffee to study but in reality you spend time quizzing each other and complaining about shitty professors while also reminiscing about the past 
  • “joshua remember when you got 100 on our first chem quiz as freshmen.” 
  • “yeah, what about-”
  • “remember i got 103 because i did the extra credit (—:”
  • “,,,,,,are you really bringing that up? do i have to remind you of what else happened to us as freshmen? mainly what happened between you and that hoshi ki-”
  • “oK JOSHUA SH”
  • but as much as you’re jokingly being sarcastic with each other you truly care about each other and ,,,,,that’s why when joshua tells you he’s got extended family coming over,,,,and they’ve literally not let it go about him not being in a relationship and so,,,,,,,,if you could pleaSE just fake date him for this dinner,,,,,,,
  • you say yes,,,,because how can you say no???
  • only problem is the minute you show up the hongs are all like fiNALLY YOU Two ARE DAting,,,,,we always knew it would come to this!!!!
  • and joshua’s mom is nudging you because,,,,,,hey she’s been trying to get joshua to make a move since long before and joshua is like m OM
  • and you’re both sitting at the dinner table,,,,and yes it’s awkward but you’ve been to their house so many times that somehow??? it’s not
  • like it actually feels super,,,,,,nice and natural
  • because you know joshua and his family and even his extended family don’t seem hard to get along with at all
  • and for most of the dinner,,,,,,you forget that it’s fake
  • the smiles you and joshua share,,,,,the joking around with his parents,,,,,,,
  • it’s all something you’ve done before but ,,,, when joshua grabs your hand and brings it to his lips as a show for his family,,,,,,you can’t help but feel your heart race
  • and his lips are so warm on your skin
  • and before you know it you’re looking at joshua’s profile,,,,how pretty his eyes are,,,,,how he’s got such handsome features,,,,,, how he’s not the shy boy at camp but ,,,,,,,,, the drop dead gorgeous best friend of yours
  • who probably could date anyone,,,,,but,,,,,choose to have you by his side for this
  • and you’re like arguing with yourself because no,,,no he chose you because you’re his best friend,,,,he could trust you not to mess up in front of his family,,,,,,but then again joshua has other friends,,,,,to ask,,,,,,,,
  • and you can’t help the sinking feeling in your stomach when the dinner ends and joshua’s mom is encouraging him to walk you home
  • and you’re going along the sidewalk in silence and joshua is like “thank you for helping me tonight,,,,,,seriously they wouldn’t get off my back”
  • and you try to strain out a laugh because ahh yeah this was all a joke,,,,,,a lie,,,,,,
  • but as you get to your front door you’re like “joshua i-”
  • and he’s like “wait,,,,,,i just,,,,,,,i have a question,,,,”
  • and you’re like,,, what is it??? and he’s like “well i was thinking about how everyone was like,,,,,, talking about how they expected us to date,,,,,do you think that’s true?? that we,,,make a good couple,,,,,”
  • and joshua’s cheeks are pink,,,,eyes flicking around from you to the floor and you’re like,,,,,,,,,,,oh
  • but you’re like “i mean i guess we are - we fooled everyone in your fami-”
  • but he shakes his head and he’s like “i mean,,,,,do you think we,,,,,,we could be something more?” and you’re like “,,,,,,,if i say yes will you think that’s weird?”
  • but joshua looks up and breathes a sigh of relief and he’s like no,,, not at all,,,,,,i thought i was the weird one for thinking tonight was so,,,,natural,,,,
  • and you look at him,,,,,still dressed up a bit because his mom had made him put on a tie because of formal dinner attire or whatever,,,,and the way you’ve only seen joshua flustered when he was a shy kid ,,,,, and how cute it looks on him
  • the unsure,,,,stuttery joshua,,,,,,,you’ve missed him
  • and you take a step closer to him and joshua swallows and looks down at you and you take a hold of his wrist and lean in and he closes his eyes,,,,,,,,,,
  • but you kiss his cheek and you’re like “how about we go on a real date soon,,,,,,” and joshua is like sure,,,,where??? and you shrug and you’re like “surprise me,,,,whatever you choose will be fun. im sure.” and you give him a little wave as you go inside
  • and you almost fall over yourself when the door closes because oh my god your best friend,,,,,might be your boyfriend very v e r y soon
  • and joshua is still standing frozen on the spot, hand over the spot where you kissed him because,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh my god his best friend,,,,,might be,,,,,,,the One,,,,,
Evolution of an angry feminist

1) I am 5 years old.  Innocent.  Mostly happy.  When I think of my future, I imagine myself becoming a ballerina or an astronaut.  Maybe a dinosaur.

2) I am 7 years old.  I’ve started a “gang” on the playground.  We pretend to be cowboys and cowgirls and go on adventures.  I get in trouble (for getting my clothes dirty, for enjoying violent fantasies, for talking trash to other 2nd graders) and am told to stop.  My friends who are boys continue playing the game that I started and no one seems to care.  

3) I am 9 years old and have just been admitted to the Gifted Program at my school.  I am the only girl in there.  The other students bully me.  I end up having to change schools only a semester later.

4) I am 11 years old and eating an ice cream sandwich at a table alone in the cafeteria.  The next table over, the boys are watching me and laughing and yelling every time I take a lick; I have no idea why, so I try to ignore them.  One of the boys comes up to me and says “Brian really wishes he were an ice cream sandwich!” Flaming cheeks and tears in my eyes, I run away. I feel shame without even understanding why.

5) I am 13 years old.  I make an account for Go-Gaia.com, a fun looking cartoony website.  Within minutes of creating a female avatar, I am privately messaged by someone asking me for cybersex.  

6) I am 15 years old.  I go to the eye doctor because my vision keeps getting worse and worse.  Making conversation, I ask my doctor how people like me could have possibly survived in ancient times.  He cheerfully tells me I would probably have been a scholar rather than a hunter.  I get angry at him because I feel like he is patronizing me; we both know my options would pretty much be limited to housewife and mother.  Not til years later do I learn about all the women in history who have been scholars, artists, soldiers, rulers…

7) I am 17 years old.  I tell people “I’m not like other girls”.  I hate the color pink.  Despite having such low opinions about other girls, my opinions about boys aren’t much better; I’m honestly surprised when my first boyfriend doesn’t try to rape me.  

8) I am 19 years old.  I haven’t picked a major yet.  When I tell my grandpa I’m thinking of Psychology, he chides me because it’s “not a real science”.  

9) I am 21 years old.  I get married to the love of my life.  I am fully aware of how many people are judging us because he’s not the main provider in our relationship.

10) I am 23 years old.  I go to the gaming store to buy myself new dice.  A man starts trying to explain roleplaying games to me.  I tell him I’ve been playing since I was 12.  He isn’t even listening to me.  He keeps trying to hit on me; I casually mention that I have a husband.  He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.  Finally, I just walk away.  As I’m leaving the store, I hear him calling me a bitch.

11) I am 25 years old.  One of my closest guy friends tells me he doesn’t believe there is sexism anymore (at least not in the USA).  I ask him about the wage gap, about relative rates of sexual assault/rape, about GamerGate, about the Hobby Lobby case, about the under representation in STEM fields, popular culture and government.  He denies none of it, but concludes “I just don’t understand how those are considered big problems”

12) I am 27 years old.  I post about gaming online.  Sometimes I post about sexism.  Inevitably, men get upset.  I no longer care when their feelings are hurt when I talk about it.  I wish I was a dinosaur.  So I could step on them.

MY JIKOOK TIMELINE SERIES pt.1

So I can see many people are interested in my analysis of Jikook relationship. Since I have been fan from 2014 and also have been shipping Jikook from that time I will focus it mainly on my opinion about their relantionship from that year. I am also gonna put here my theory about their relationship from the time before I became a fan but it is not going to be as detailed. I think this is going to be really tiring post to read so I decided to split it into several parts because I have a lot to say. ( I might make this as series and talk about all the moments and future moments in the future)

DISCLAIMER: This post is supposed to be just for fun and shipping of Jikook. I am not claiming this is truth and I am not forcing anyone to believe this. These are just my observations throughout the years I have been into BTS and the time I have been into shipping jikook. I don’t want to cause any types of fanwars or stupid “shipwars” by this post and I don’t want other people to use this content for these kind of purposes. Also I am opened to hear about your other opinions. Just if you don’t like my opinion don’t be later on rude in my asks or something. As I said I am opened to listen but I AM NOT GONNA TOLERATE HATE OR PEOPLE BEING RUDE TO ME JUST BECAUSE I HAD FUN WITH THIS.

SO when everything is clear now let’s begin.

Pre-debut years + 2013

I have not much to say to this period of time. But from my observations I got Jikook was totally hyung/dongsaeng relationship. In my opinion Jungkook might have feel something more than just appreciation towards his hyung. You know when you are at that age and you have not much idea what is just adoring someone friendly and what are actually real feelings toward someone. I think Jungkook was really confused at that time because he was realizing that something might be going on but also the social stigma and sudden exposition to cameras and publicity were holding him back to sit down and think about it. From Jimin’s point of view Jungkook was his cute dongsaeng that reminded him of his younger brother. I think him missing his home and sudden change of environment resulted in Jimin really caring for Jungkookie naturally thanks to his personality and attitude towards Bangtan.

Late 2013+early 2014

In my opinion this was the period when Jungkook started to get really confused. He knew he cares for his hyung and he knew he likes him a lot. But I think that he had to feel something more from the beginning and that’s what was confusing him. Even though I think he was confused I still think he wasn’t putting too much mind into it. I think Jimin was just his favourite hyung at that time. This was also the period of so called “clingy Jimin” and “refusing maknae”. In my opinion Jungkook have never despised or hated Jimin. There is just no way of that happening in Bangtan and I think it is really stupid to even joke about it or bringing it up. Jungkook was just simple pubescent boy. The person he liked he teased.He knew how Jimin gets annoyed when people ignore him or how self-conscious he was about his height.

 Also a huge aspect in this played that Jungkook maybe showed his affection towards Jimin behind cameras but it was really hard for him to express himself in front of them. I think the whole jikook bickering might have started by one moment where Jungkook felt uncomfortable to express himself and showing skinship. But maknae acting that way towards his hyung was really hilarious and that’s why it continued. We also know that Jungkook always looks up to his hyungs and when they were teasing Jimin he probably thought it was also OK for him to tease Jimin. From Jimin’s point of view I think it was still the same as before. I don’t think feelings played role in his relationship with Jungkook from the beginning and I would dare to even say he was being kinda obvious to Jungkook for a really long time. To be honest I still like this period of their relationship even though many jikook shippers are trying to forget about it.  You ask me why? The reason is that I found really entertaining to watch fetus Jungkook trying to get attention of his hyung but also trying to act like he is his own boss and that he doesn’t need his hyung at all.  I also could kinda see his inner struggle most of the time. Or on the other hand when he was doing a lot of skinship unconsciously. 

What I also really like about this period was that Jungkook even though he acted like he didn’t care he still found a moments how to show he his appreciation for his hyung. Do you remember the moment during AHL when  Jimin was really pissed at that kid and Jungkook showed total concern with his hyung. That he understands how things like THESE piss Jimin off. This shows how close Jikook have been even though they used to play that “cat and mouse game”.(also shows that Jungkook wasn’t being disrespectful towards Jimin at all) Jungkook joking towards Jimin was ok even though he is younger but some young-blooded kid scolding Jimin was no way go. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF JIKOOK MOMENTS FROM THAT TIME:

NEXT PART IS GOING TO BE HOPEFULLY HELLA INTENSE AND CONFUSING BECAUSE I AM GETTING TO JIKOOK RELANTIONSHIP TIME WHEN ALL THE SHIT WENT DOWN LOL….

Game Day - Simon Minter

Originally posted by crazygall4ever

Pairing: Simon Minter/Miniminter & Y/N
Words: 3k+
Warning(s): a few innuendos and like 1 swear word
Summary/Request: an imagine we’re you’re at the sidemen match and it’s the first time you’ve made your relationship fully public with Simon and you were overwhelmed at people wanting pictures and shouting your ship name constantly and si plays really good and fans were saying it was all down to you how good he played and Simons all cute and stuff
Masterlist

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hmslusitania  asked:

If you're not too terribly busy, the world could always use more Holsom fluff :)

Holsom fluff, my favorite! I combined this with a secondary request from @zombizombi for some ref!Holster, which I could not resist, because Holster+bitching speaks to my soul. Also, team dentist!Ransom, because it amused me. (Warning: mention of teeth.)

(Now also on AO3.)


Ransom landed in his seat barely five minutes before the game was supposed to start. Lardo, feet propped up against the glass, sketchbook against her knees, fingertips just peeking out of the sleeves of yet another sweatshirt stolen from Shitty, spared him a glance and a “You’re late” before going back to sketching warm-ups.

“I know, I know. Kid broke off two of her teeth on the playground, right up to the nerve, so I had to do some composites.”

She grimaced. “Ugh.”

“Why do you ask me these things when you know I’m going to talk to you about teeth? I’m a dentist, for fuck’s sake. And we’re here to watch hockey.”

“I’m in it for the butts.”

He grinned as he took in the player stretching on the ice in front of her and then her sketchbook. “Think Shits will like that one?”

“I call it ‘Spread,’” she said loftily.

He choked and was suddenly glad he hadn’t had time to stop by concessions on his way in. “So, uh, where is Shits tonight anyway?”

She waved a hand vaguely, barely missing whacking him in the face with the end of the sleeve. “Up in the office. They needed some documents looked over.”

He recognized that tone. “How long have you guys been here?”

Hours.”

“Couldn’t get anyone to strip for you?”

“Shut up.” Then she turned to him and smiled slowly.

Ransom was immediately alarmed. “Oh god. What?”

“There is some news you’ll want.”

“Yeah?” he asked cautiously.

“New ref.”

Ransom’s eyebrows went up. “And I’m interested in this… because why? I mean, is he supposed to be good or biased or something else?”

“Tall. He’s supposed to be very tall. You’ll see.”

Keep reading

/roast em’

Originally posted by fyspringfield

(via Scorpio @ everyone else)

Aries: Boi, looking like a mad toddler who just lost their red power ranger. Boi, asking for an adult but but really what you need to do is read a motherfucking book. Boi, walking around here like you run shit but really you just stepped on some. Head ass lurking in the shadows just waiting for someone to lit yo wanna-be Goku ass up. Angry looking self. Looking like the next care bear head ass. “Call me Petty the Panda”, head ass. Claiming that you know everything but don’t even know how to spell ‘spaghetti’, head ass. Always wanting to turn little shit into a fucking competition, pumped like Sonic shit. Always doing shit you know you shouldn’t be doing in the first place, risk-taking-at-the-wrong-time fuck. Don’t know how to accept that your wrong sometimes, stubborn ass boy.

Taurus: Got em’. Always talking about ‘I told you so’ but you really should be saying ‘I didn’t know’ head ass. ‘Stubborn till the day I die’ looking self. Don’t know the answer but still front like you do, wise yeller ass fool. Telling others you pity the fool but really they pity you, head ass. Talking about “presh off the runway” but really, “phresh until Monday” there-is-always-a-sale looking self. Never lets go of petty shit, head ass. Has everything that anyone has ever done wrong to them on the back of a Baskin Robbins’s napkin their back pocket. Claiming somebody on the Internet who don’t even know yo under-a-rock head ass. Don’t even feel like moving to get the remote next to you, lazy ass self.

Gemini: Mother fucka’. You talk too much. Your breath has killed my eyebrows and eyelashes hair’s cells and got me looking like fucking Voldemort in this hoe. You need some breath mints and some holy water because that mouth need Jesus. Keep breathing through that nose, thirst trapping ass. Keep asking about someone’s life only to use that shit on them an hour later, nosy self. Talking about “fuck these hoes” but really it’s “nobody has to know” head ass. Type to not to want to upset someone but #FuckBoiiii appears to ruin it. Make up some shit and forget that you did a week later, trouble making self. Start drama on fucking Club Penguin, head ass. Make a sim called “Thotnatisha SuccGreen” and fuck everyone on the street, hoe self. #ThotNation Got two phones for weed selling and your so called hoes. But really it’s your Momma and she want her money by tonight or she kicking your no-rent-ass-paying out.

Cancer: OOOH, now I’m bout to get you. Always asking “what are we?” when you dead ass know the answer, insecure self. Moods be shifting faster than how many times can Spongebob cry you a sweater, emotional self. Playing bitches faster than Mario Kart, head ass. Is the glass half empty, or not, pessimistic self. Can’t even trust your own reflection, always on the look out fuck. Quit ridding on so many people’s dicks who don’t give two shits about your clingy self. Quick to play that innocent card when you get confronted on some shit, Barney the Dinosaur ass child. Crying to that one song you heard when you were dating that one girl from Build-A-Bear Workshop Online and you caught her in a bed with some other person, lonely self. Don’t even hit someone up on their funeral unless you know they really dead, stay on the suspect ass. Thinking you got mad haters but really its the same one bitch who be commenting “You ugly skank ass hoe” on your IMVU profile since 2008. 

Leo: Bout to light your fake circus looking wig on fire, bitch. Mad disrespectful when it comes to that big ass pride of yours. Not afraid to bite someone but more scared of what they got, drama starting ass.Telling mad lies about some bitch you don’t know of, but she apparently got beef so you gotta Chief Keef. Lips looser than an IKEA desk chair, mother fuck. Keep telling yourself that people will wait on you head and toe, watch how fast you lose followers on Twitter, you ‘but-i’m-almost-famous’ ignorant self. Demand all you want, that crown looking mighty rusty, fam. Rolling in the deep, but you actually rolling with the sheep, following trends like its the Barbie, sheep self. Skull thicker than a thick bitch doing squats at 24Hour Fitness, stubborn self. Don’t care if you don’t like this like that or them like the way they are. Fix your eyebrows before you come for me, hoe. Eyebrows looking like they lift pigeons, wanna be thug self. 

Virgo: Bro, oh my God- no body cares bruh. You stay getting on other people about fixing their lives but yo dumpster living ass has no fucking say! Keep assuming that bull shit and which your ass get mistaken for a real life Patrick the Starfish. How is that ego of yours? Still buried under all the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth, “i’m super-man!’ head ass. Keep judging other’s like you aren’t the type to throw it back on a bro on Saturday and praise the Lordt ™ on a Sunday. Bro, ain’t no body perfect so stop with the bull shit, and come down from those raggy ass stairs you sit your raggy ass ‘throne’ upon and come fuck with these hands if you wanna. Bro, The Starkeisha Cheer Team song, I”’m Petty”, was made just for your life fam. Stop getting mad when these hoes pull a ‘you’ on you’. Type to play mind games, but get made when you get CRISS CROSSED, meme looking self. Pull out game getting stronger and stronger even though you know damn well this girl setting your ass smooth the fuck up. YOU ARE THE FATHER.

Libra: Words itself, can not explain how fed up I am with you. You keep asking for advice knowing your ass isn’t gonna listen in the first place. Non-listening self. Like, do you mother fuckers comprehend the word “no”? Like is it in y’all vocabulary? NO, MEANS, NO NO NO. NO NO NO NO. Bro, that word can save you from all this little shit your dumb ass think there-could always-be-peace, dumb self. Choking on that dick of self-improvement, huh? Open your fucking eyes, and take off those damn rose sunglasses because shit is about to get real as fuck the minute you get out of high school. Acting like life is a anime- bitch, your grades won’t automatically improve with every time senpai looks at you!  Ain’t nobody care more about you then you do- all these little friends and squads you so called got will eventually leave your ass in the dust. Talking about “Oh, my bitches got me” hoe, your bitches are now  free while you still trying to get a ‘get-out-of-free-card’ they apparently got for you. It’s been 7 months, and your still in jail. Start making moves with your not-wanting-undesirable-traits head ass. Bitch you ain’t perfect. Wipe that fake smile off your fucking face. Wanna be ‘bad and boujee’ but really you ‘sad and lonely’, fake self. Flip a coin on your grades, careless self. And learn that just because you do one small thing for someone, doesn’t mean that they fucking owe you their loyalty.  Balance is the key, head ass. Wanna be Judge Judy, underdeveloped self. Can’t take a hint, in-denial self. 

Scorpio: (We have our regularly scheduled meeting at 2:00 AM. See your ass then.) 

Sagittarius: You literally are the reason why roasts were even properly termed and noted- fam, WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? You stay acting like your doing all this crazy and fun shit, but bitch. You just blow stories up to make your ass sound better. Wanna be ‘Wild and Out’ but really your barely on the same level of American Ninja.Your not even that fucking wild to begin with- you just say some wild and or stupid shit, at times. When your not being a little irresponsible fuck or being a cocky cunt because you got into some lame’s pants- your pretty dope to talk to. But see, see- you and that mouth again. You claim not to care but then your ass get mad when some hoe don’t call you back on Tuesdays after 11 PM. Always on stand by to fight, but never on stand by to get right, head ass. Keep fucking with those types that bring you down and anyone who doesn’t think like you do is apparently stupid. Keep up that same argument with yourself, and see how fast catch these hands, fam. Told your teacher that you want to be a brick wall when you grow up, head ass. Your problem not mine, tactless ass self. Tell a bitch what you want her to do, but won’t listen to what she want you to do, selfish self.  Say your single and your not dating, but claiming three hoes on campus, fuck boy in some cargo shorts during February dumb self. Also getting angry when things don’t go your way, toddler power self. They call you, ‘Closer to hell’ more then they call your actually name, always-hitting-my-arm-while-you-laugh violent self. Threaten me on the daily but won’t put on the chef hat to cook this beef. 

Capricorn: Bet your the type to cheat on Tic-Tac-Toe, mother fucker. Looking like someone fucked up your taxes last year and now you don’t even trust your own momma, head ass boy! Bet your ass was born with a checklist in hand, to see who the fuck woke you up, grumpy old man self. “Well I can do bad all by my self” bitch did anyone ask?! Stay being distant with your Dora the Explorer head ass, fam. Ain’t no body got the time to sit here and figure your shit out.  Only fuck with somebody if they got the goods or you just like being better then they ass, ego-self-boosting fucker. Claim you got the keys, but really all you got is this Wii wheel. Driving towards a better future head ass. Failure isn’t an option when really you live in denial,  controlling self. Be the type to plan out your unborn daughter’s whole life, don’t want any surprises self. Try to control the world, yet can’t even control they own life head ass. Stuck in the 90s head ass. Doesn’t even have beef, the fool got that unseasoned chicken breasts.

Aquarius: I’m lost for words, yo- you really are a reckless son of a bitch. Are you even fucking here right now? Bet your planning on your next escape from your momma’s house, huh? Calling up your home boy to come smoke you out at 3 AM, but get mad when he calls for a ride to Walmart to get some groceries, selfish ass. Talking about how you got the squad to back your ass up, but the minute the cops pull around they running faster than you can even sing y’all anthem. Minute you start getting roasted, they laughing with them.  Keep claiming that your rebellious and just so weird. Watch your ass be in the back alley of a club, throat deep on a guy name Ashley who is feeding you lies to boost that overconfident ass ego. Young, wild and free, head ass. But your really Dumb, broke, and over that show Glee. Yo, do you even know how to fucking not do something? Is your whole life a dare? Nah, its not wanna be edgy ass fool. Don’t know how to love but wants it, contradicting self. Unpredictable because you scared of real life, escapist chimpanzee. 

Pisces: I’m ready for your fake ass. YOU. ARE. NOT. INNOCENT. You’ve done some how do you say shady ass shit, fam. Don’t even act like your ass didn’t laugh when your friends or even family do something or have something terrible done to them. Two face looking rainbow monkey self. Cry over split milk, baby self. Cry over being angry, matter of fact. Using people but get mad about being used, sensitive self. Wanna be dark and emo but can barely say no to someone who wants money. Saying you don’t have a soul, but got upset over that old cat dying in front of your living room window, caring self. Claiming that nobody knows you yet posts mad shit about your life on the internet. Wanna be that cool dude in school so you backstab the fuck out of your close circle to fuck some prep or jock to just end back right where you were freshmen year. Stupid and alone. Learning life lessons from cartoons when you really should be fixing that resume. Claim you understand but really you don’t give a damn. Go smoke and try to explain life to a tree, dead ass boy. Fuck you and your bull shit.