okay but like human au cats headcanons
hey india help me out, we went through a lot of these on snapchat
friends please reblog with your own headcanons since, obviously, mine wont be accurate for every character since i am shamelessly in love with like 3 cats and ignore all the others its terrible
mj and rumplet (RUMPLET WHAT A CUTE NAME) are street performers, they have an acrobatic and clown routine, they dont make enough money doing this to live by but thats okay theyre also really good cat burglars and pickpocketers. tea distracts the fat old rich guys with assets 1 and 2 while mj robs them for everything theyve got. what assholes.
skimbleshanks, obviously, works on a fancy private run train, he doesnt really have a title or an actual JOB but he keeps everyone in line, does security patrols, and then he takes care of the morning tea cart and is like a Train Butler. hes very good at everything he does, which is everything there is to be done. friendly with everyone at the stations they stop at, everyone loves him, how could they not.
bustopher jones is rich beyond belief, he is a world famous food critic, he has a sprawling estate. just. thats everything. hes rich and eats a lot. eats only at three star michelin restaurants, occasionally two if they show promise! hes notoriously An Asshole in his critiques and hes shut a lot of places down with scathing reviews. hes a dick.
jennyanydots runs his household. shes sort of like a maid except shes like, head housekeeper. mostly she checks the other housekeepers are doing things perfectly, and if not she gets in there and makes absolutely sure it is. she’s a perfectionist, a mother to all and her hot chocolates are things of legend. she adores mice and keeps about five, and she trains them to do lovely tricks and lavishes them with love, cleans their cage meticulously and is basically the Best Mouse Owner ever.
old deuteronomy is a catholic preacher and choir leader and his sermons are all about love and guidance and understanding your relationship with god and stuff like that. he does troubled youth counselling and stuff like that. a good person. he also volunteers at soup kitchen and stuff and rents out his spare room at rockbottom prices to people who would be homeless otherwise. this includes mj and rumple. their original plan was to rob him blind but he was TOO NICE so they just stayed for a couple months then moved on.
gus owns a small theatre/hall and teaches acting classes and does community shows and stuff. he lets old deut use it sometimes for his charity stuff. he used to be really very well known but hes faded away into obscurity. his daughter jellylorum and son asparagus jr have sort of taken over as he got old and sick. asparagus jr does the bookkeeping stuff, hes good with money, and jellylorum adores theatre as much as her father. shes so proud of him. shes too old to get famous now, she thinks, but shes an active part of the community and helps deuteronomy with church bake sales and stuff.
grizabella is an old homeless woman. she used to be sorta famous too, as a singer, but she got too much plastic surgery and tried to stay young and the world laughed at her then tossed her away. now she has literally nothing but her old fur coat, which is pretty much matted and in tatters. still, it’s warm. shows up regularly at the soup kitchen and other things old deut hosts. he actually used to be a huge fan of her music and almost recognises her, but shes prickly and silent and angry these days and he doesnt dare.
macavity calls himself a crimelord, but he’s not that influential really. still, hes involved in all kinds of crime- drugs, prostitution, theft, murder- and the jury is still out on whether he actually has a soul. mj and rumple did some work for him but managed to get their freedom after doing some truly morally shady shit for him in return for being debt free. hes a dick. everyone knows hes a dick. he knows it too. rumors about him having voodoo magic run wild, but surely theyre just tales. surely.
munkustrap is a policeman. he joined the force to make a change and he keeps to a pretty rigid set of morals. he does a lot of witness protection stuff, and he’s very, very good at his job. he has a stick up his ass though. his father is his idol and inspiration. he doesn’t understand how his brothers turned out the way they did.
alonzo used to be a policeman, where he met his Best Friend Munkustrap, but he found the job boring as hell and now he does private security details and like, cool undercover personal detective shit. brags about his job as much as he can. he also, in his spare time, is known to perform at certain clubs, wearing assless chaps usually. what can he say? he has a great ass. he knows it, everyone else knows it, why hide it? he’s the cause of a great deal of people questioning their sexualities.
tugger is a singer in cool hip clubs and also a male stripper. he’s the kind to draw big crowds. he secretly worships the likes of david bowie and elvis presley, and has a cult following. like, a big cult following. he’s also a pretentious asshole with a guitar collection (both electric and acoustic) that he treats like his baby. somewhere in the depths of youtube sits his wonderwall cover.
mistoffelees, nephew of fat cat bustopher jones, ran away from home (dropping his degree in culinary science) to become….. a stage magician. YEAH. he has plenty of money to support him, so he’s not too concerned about doing anything except following his dream. he’s trained in classical ballet like his sister, and aside from busking with his magic act, he spends a lot of time in the dear old community theatre performing in shows.
victoria, his sister, is fucking KILLER at ballet. like, i dont know if there are ballet comps but if there are she’d smash them all. she has steel discipline and a lot of sinewy muscle. if looks could kill, she’d be doing like ten life sentences. she has a resting bitch face but is actually quite nice once she warms up to you.
cassandra also does ballet, among other kinds of dance. she’s really good at modern dancing and interpretive stuff, you know? she’s sort of like victoria’s older dance sister. she’s tall as hell and scary and beautiful. she’s really, really in touch with her egyptian heritage and has a lot of tattoos. she loses a lot of work because of this, but she couldn’t care less.
im so tired lmao im sorry ill do the rest later i promise