i like the colour scheme though

quick draw of a fluffy russian ice pal

the only title sequence i will never skip is brooklyn nine nine

whenever netflix suggests it i gasp and look like an offended forty year old suburban mum who was just told that her child’s painted easter egg didnt win the school-wide competition, and instead the prize went to alana, even though her egg used a much simpler colour scheme and was not presented in as much detail as my child’s, but i’m not really surprised because alana’s mother is on the pta and therefore had a say in the voting process and obviously rigged it to favour her own daughter’s clearly sub standard egg

3

march, 2017

i’m still very proud of this spread even though that lettering on the quote is terrible! nevertheless i still love the colour scheme, the doodles and of course the freaks and geeks picture! (loved that scene)

sam: you look a little bit like my grandpa
bill: oh is your grandpa super cool?

Bookmarks: DIY

A simple tutorial on how to make your very own bookmarks.

Materials:

  • Photoshop
  • Laser Printer Paper (preferably 28lb, but 24lb is also fine)
  • Pretty Poster Board or Scrapbooking Paper
  • Glue Stick
  • Scissors & Paper Trimmer
  • Laminator (if you don’t have one, you can buy one at WalMart for $20. They’re SUPER useful to have, especially if you make artsy stuff a lot.)
  • Bookmark Tassels (Optional)
  • 1/8 Inch Hole Punch (Optional)

Step One

First, determine the size of bookmarks you want to make. (Mine are typically 2″ x 6.5″.) When you’ve decided on a size that you like, create a new canvas in Photoshop with those dimensions, and make sure it is set to AT LEAST 300 DPI.

Step Two

Draw your bookmark design! Make sure all of your important stuff doesn’t get too close to your edges because you want to leave a tiiiiiny bit of room for error just in case you mess up when you cut them out.

Step Three

After your bookmark design(s) is done, create another new Photoshop canvas that is 8.5″ x 11″ and set to the same DPI as your bookmarks.

Drag and drop as many of your book mark designs as you can onto your new 8.5 x 11 canvas. Don’t put them very close together, though, as you want to leave enough room to comfortably cut them out later.

Step Four

Assuming you don’t have a laser printer, we’re gonna take a little trip to Staples/Office Depot/Office Max!

Save that canvas with all your bookmarks on it as a JPEG and put it on a flash drive. Grab a small stack of your own paper and put it in a folder (make sure you have a way to show the printer what type of paper it is. You may just wanna bring the whole pack with you, because I know some stores want to make sure you’re giving them laser printer paper to print on, as other paper types will mess up their machines)

Note: I’m not sure about Office Depot/Office Max, but I KNOW Staples will only charge around $0.50 per page to print your image out if you bring your own paper! ♥

Take the flash drive and your paper with you to your nearest office supply store.

Ask the printer there to print out however many copies you want. If you’re very particular about the size of the bookmarks, make sure to tell them to not have it set to “Fit to Size” and instead let it print at 100%.

Step Five

Once your bookmark copies are printed, it’s time to cut them out!

The best way to do this is to use a paper trimmer. You can get a cheap one from WalMart or Michaels for about $5. They’re SUPER useful to have and make cutting straight edges a million times easier.

The reason you want to cut them out before you glue them your poster board/decorative paper is because you want to be able to fit as many bookmarks as you can onto the posters so that you don’t waste any.

Step Six

Time to glue them to your poster(s)/scrap book paper!

I try to buy really unique posterboard that catches the eye and matches the colour schemes of my bookmarks. I usually end up getting metallic colours or holographic poster/paper because that’s what I personally like. I would advise staying away from anything that has textures, though, since you’re going to laminate these later.

Make sure you’re gluing your bookmarks to the BACK of the poster board.

Also, make sure you coat all edges and corners, as you don’t want anything to curl up. A good tip I find is lining any of your bookmark edges up to the edges of the poster board. That way it’s just one or two less edge(s) you have to cut off.


Step Seven

Time to cut out the bookmarks again!

Get as close to the bookmark’s edge as you can so you don’t leave any white poster board backing hanging off the edge. If you have to, it’s totally fine to cut off a millimeter of your bookmark design just to make sure you have a clean trim.


Step Eight

Laminate! Since I already have some Mettaton bookmarks laminated, I’ll use them for this example.

Make sure that when you slip your bookmarks into the lamination sheet, they have a decent amount of space between them. If they get too close, the lamination might not seal all of the way around each bookmark.

Step Nine

Once you get all of your bookmarks laminated, we once again have to cut them out.

It’s very important to leave about a third of a centimeter of lamination on the edge of your bookmarks. If you cut right along the edge of the bookmark, the lamination will eventually peal off, and we don’t want that. We want to keep it nice and sealed.

Be sure to trim the corners a little bit, since they can be kinda sharp and poke you pretty bad.

Step Ten

This part is completely optional, but I love to take an 1/8 inch hole punch and punch a little hole in the top of the bookmark and add a little tassel decoration.

You can find these tassels online from China on Ebay or Aliexpress for pretty cheap. The prices are all about the same no matter who you buy from, so I can’t really give a specific vendor who has the best prices. (Note: pretty obvious, but if you buy them within the US, you’re gonna pay a lot more.)

Bonus Info:

If none of my instructions have made any sense, this video does a wonderful job of explaining the process of bookmark making for artist alleys and whatnot.

official ranking of every crocodile emoji on emojipedia

brought to you by “i will never stop making these posts”

a REALLY strong start. just a biologically perfect crocodile. love him 10/10

aww! a friend!!! slightly disproportionate head but i really love this boy 9/10

:V he scream at own ass.. w 5/10

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHH 1/10

a good effort but… he looks a little slimy for my taste. okay 6/10

what would have been an EXTREMELY effective minimalist emoji ruined by an oddly creepy lack of eyes 5/10

aesthetically AMAZING. love the slightly rogue teal colour scheme. i would give this 10/10 but im scared that if you look at this crocodile for too long he will turn you into a scalie 9/10

a decent effort. good but unremarkable. 7/10

why’s he so smug??? he looks more like a generic dinosaur than a crocodile and he also looks like he’s in with the mean popular crocodiles at crocodile school. still aesthetically pleasing though 6/10

rejected dumb ways to die character 4/10

not sure what’s going on on his back but otherwise he’s ok i guess 7.5/10

i don’t know why or how but somehow even this is less horrifying than the samsung crocodile. 2/10

emoji ranking of the cat face

this cat has a very shiny forehead…looks a bit like a plastic toy. also the eyes look deep but empty….4/10

very simple and cute!! i appreciate how its making the :3 face 10/10

microsoft why are ur lines always so thick…anyways i appreciate this cat! he looks old and wise…..althought can be silly at times with the blep. 7/10

nice colour scheme!! very simple, only like 3 colours (5 if u count black and white). although, it looks a bit dead inside. 6/10 for effort

this cat is probably the youngest of the group. she’s just trying to make it in the world and be positive, though it is hard with how rough the world is. however, she’s good at acting so u cant tell the difference between her real and fake smile. 4/10….shes sneaky

simple cat!! though he does have an oddly shaped head? is he okay? 2/10

i can see some detail was put into this cat…..but maybe too much detail. this is like the cat version of :) (passive aggressive smiley) 1/10 would not use

i appreciate and love any cat that is fat and looks like my cat. 10/10

this looks more like a lion cub than a regular pet cat…..0/10

this cat is very excited and happy!1!! very simple and cute. 9/10

this is like the cat version of that girl in your math class that you judge because she likes starbucks and wears makeup but ur forced to be partners with her one day and u learn she’s actually rlly cool and every friday night you hang out with her friends and go on rlly wild adventures and wake up on the ceiling fan in her great grandmother’s house. aka 10/10

very timid cat….she’s getting used to people but she usually scares them off with her wide eye stare :(……5/10 i like the colours

Looking over some screencaps from the TV Movie the other day, I started asking myself how the initial confusion over the colour of the Doctor’s coat ever came about. I mean, look; it’s green (though not bottle green as it’s usually described; to me it looks more like a very dark olive green) in almost every light:

Then I remember that this was pre-DVDs and high-res and the costume being on display and that it looks brown

in

almost

every

frickin’

photograph

(There are a handful in which it looks green but those weren’t really seen back then)

It’s fascinating (to me, anyway) how one fabric can change colour so dramatically.

may 10th, 2017 // #vivs1.5k

yikesss the banner lmao thank you all so much for getting me to 1.5k followers!! i kinda wanted to do something for 1.25k but i never got around to doing it so here’s a big celebration!!

keep in mind ive been in a v bad place mentally and are in the middle of exams and still have gymnastics so this will probably happen slowly!

rules:

  • mbf ya girl
  • reblog this post
  • send an ask with what you want + (optional, but nice!) your favorite blog(s) for me to tag and add a nice note to!!
  • you can pick as many as you want! but those who choose more may have to wait a while. 
  •  ✨ + your name // v short name aesthetic
  •  🌟 // detailed blog rate
  •  🍋 // a meme i associate with your blog
  •  🌸 // blog compliment  
  •  🌊 // blog advice/ comment
  •  🌼  // join my fandom fam!!

format below!

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Doodles from today for @obi-kenobi-wan and @anibun-skywalker

AUS
Mothers and sons

(Ideas exploded and I felt like drawing Ahsoka’s son again. He ended up looking identical to her as he ages, though his colour scheme I’m still working on so… Maybe just pattern wise they share the genetics idk. Also gave Barriss a son in this AU (he’s an albino Mirialan). And gave him a Space!Pikachu doll.)

(And mini sketch of hypothetical daughter for Ahsoka or a baby Shaak idek it’s just a baby Togruta.

And a random doodle of dragon!Anakin because I’m bored).

aelin-firebreathingbitchqueen  asked:

WOW, I was not expecting Ros's hair to be pink, NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE IT, I LOVE IT ACTUALLY , I just thought it would be brown or something like that. That's what I like about your art though it unique and unexpected and just colorful and amazing and just purely you 💙

Ros hair is actually blood orange haha tho I changed the colour scheme a little bit so it fit in that last doodle so it may look like pink ❤️ somewhere in my oc tag there’s my re-done reference for him, I should use it more often 😭 tho his clothes always suck ass lmao, as much as blay has only one outfit ros has, like, 5 already 😂👏🏻🙌🏻

digikate813  asked:

Have you seen the MLP Movie teaser? Because some people seem to be split on the new animation style.

YES I’VE SEEN IT AND I’M SO HAPPY!!!

I haven’t been able to go through any comment sections today (my mum’s 50th), so I don’t know what people are saying, but I know there was some sort of error in how they encoded it or something. Like, the colours and shadows apparently were screwed up and the art director felt so bad.

To be honest with you even if I kinda noticed the colours were over-saturated and weirdly shaded, I WAS DYING OF HAPPINESS TO HEAR A CINEMATIC TRAILER VOICE ALONGSIDE THE VOICES I’M SO FAMILIAR WITH! And I can totally tell I’m going to LOVE the animation style (even with the colours and what have you, I’m so in love with it).

I wonder how it looks on the big screen, whether the teaser itself is screwed up like this or whether it’s just the translation to the video size.

No matter what, I bet they’re going to fix it soon enough, if the art director herself feels that bad about it. In the meantime, I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND.

Also, there’s that big ol’ poster:

And all of this is super cute and just makes me overly excited for something that’s 6 months away.

If people are upset with the animation itself, I guess there’s no accounting for taste. Could also be that old cliche that people just don’t like change, but growing up, most (if not all) of my favourite cartoons that got a theatrical release had at least something different to their design in the movie (whether it was colour scheme, or just slightly cleaner style, etc.). 

The First Pokemon movie had heavier shadows, did it not? If not that, there was certainly something more… for lack of a better word theatrical looking to the style.

Same with Sponebob (though that was cleaner and more digial looking), same with Simpsons, same with Rugrats, same with… any number of cartoons that got theatrical releases.

So I was expecting a different feel to the animation, but I can tell I REALLY like what they went with. And taking a look at what we’ve seen of the background style so far, it looks like the characters will pop really nicely off of the painterly style they’re going for:

To me, it looks like they’re emulating a more hand-drawn style with the backgrounds. Very pretty. And the character animation there looks nice and fluid, so from what I can tell, I’m… probably never going to stop geeking out about it.

But, different strokes for different folks, am I right? What do you think?

Top Ten in my recent Beaconship



Got bored so thought I’d fill out a new beaconship (havent done so in a while) 

So for fun I’ll post my top ten and give thoughts on what got them there  (•‿-)   (warning long post)


#10 

Nora Valkyrie 

Originally posted by flipomatic


No surprise, she’s probably in many people’s top ten. When I first saw her in vol 1 I assumed she would be an annoying character but boy was I proved wrong. To me she is crazy, funny and adorable - very entertaining. Plus her past and relationship with Ren has to be one of the most tragic yet sweetest  thing ever. 

So next..



#9

Raven Branwen 


Originally posted by rosebird

I’m quite surprised here too. Little is explained about Raven in the show but I think that’s what can make her very very intriguing. Her character and background can be completely malleable so the audience can paint many different opinions about her. She also looks like a genuine bad-ass who would most likely annihilate you in a fight. Her colour scheme is provoking and she may or may not turn face in the future of the show…that’s if she proves herself not to be worst mom of the year..

Originally posted by rwbymemes

Onwards then..


#8

Ruby Rose

Originally posted by weissrose

To my credit, she was going to be higher but I pulled a last minute decider over number 7 over her. I like Ruby a lot but she may end up being one of those characters who are always out shined by the other cast for what ever reason. I do like her flaws though; inexperienced, naive and childish at times but she has the desire and motivation to push everyone around to strive better. She just needs some solid development right now. 




#7 

Velvet Scarlatina 


Originally posted by weissrose

 ^   Velvet: “Sorry to steal the spotlight from you Ruby..” 

I’m not sure about most fans but I adore this girl. I really felt sorry for her after being bullied by Cardin. She is so sweet and pure it makes my sugar levels rise. Plus she has what might be the most powerful semblence/weapon/box/??? of all time. She went from zero to badass in one episode. I know she may not be in many top ten but I would like to put her there for that reason. 



#6 

Emerald Sustrai

Originally posted by starcrests

The queen of mixed signals. I really like Emerald. She’s definitely not a black&white character at all. Her motivations seem to be fuelled by her need for Cinder’s approval (maybe more?) but I can sense a heroic yet troubled arc stemming from her in future. I love her colour schemes, her weapons and her eyes. Also her semblance is broken af. 

Ok top 5..


#5

Winter Schnee

Originally posted by weissrose

There’s something about authoritative, stern and assertive characters that appeal to me. Her cold essence that sees her live up to her name and I just love how she is in the show. Her relationship with Weiss is going to be great to see more screen time of and she fights like a genuine bad-ass: her semblance, her weapons and graceful fighting style, her voice and tonality, her looks, all of it - is the reason she is my top 5. 


#4

Coco Adel

Originally posted by rwbyrwby

One of the best looking/stylish characters in the show. She is too cool. One of my favourite things about her is her nonchalant way of dealing with grim as if they were nothing. I also love how laid back she is and very confident with herself and her team. She would be great to hang out/party with. I hope to god we see more of her and velvet in RWBY because she is too good to keep off screen - more laid back one liners, more bullets, more coffee, more Coco Adel please. ♥‿♥



#3 

Weiss Schnee

Originally posted by flipomatic

Weiss Schnee is number three. I fell in love with her character during vol 2 after she showed how great of a team mate she can be. In vol 3 she improved and became even better to her team mates. Vol 4 and is a legitimate sweetheart and I root for her even more now. As a character, she is quite possible the best developed thus far and it shows just how far she has come in her journey. From a cold hearted, stuck up rich heiress to a warmer, team oriented best friend to team RWBY who will do whatever she can to be a great team mate. Best character of vol 4 imo. 

Also I love her 1v1 type duel fighting style with her Myrtenaster fencing sword. Her ability to summon is also great and i can’t wait to see Winter’s face when she summons the knight to help her fight. 



It shouldn’t come as a shock who #2 and 1 are so I’ll summarise it with this.

Originally posted by asami-snazz

They both procure spots 1 and 2 simultaneously because they both are my favourite characters.

Let’s be honest Yang may be the most popular character in the show.

Originally posted by jaunearcinadress

I loved Yang from the get go. Her style, her nature, her confident and slightly cocky attitude. Loved it all. Her fighting style is also bad-ass and my favourite in the whole show. Then when vol 2 hit and the scene above happened, I was legitimately as close to loving a fictional character as a real person as I could get. She is the most adorable thing ever. Her semblance is also strong and helpful too and definitely a good learning curve if she expects to beat Adam in another fight. 


Originally posted by weissrose

Blake also became my favourite slowly, over time. She is definitely a deep and tragic character. Her past is one big ghost, always coming to haunt her. So as a result she keeps others away from getting close and she is always running away. However I can see deep down in the abyss is just an amazing, headstrong, motivated young woman who wants to genuinely rid the world of discrimination and hate. Her story is by far the most realistic with parallels to racism and self-destructive tendencies. It surprises me when the writers say she’s the hardest to write for. I actually believe she is quite easy as long as you make her consistent. We’ve just seen the tip of the iceberg of her so far. There’s more good and bad to come. 


Oh yeah and they complete each other in so many different ways it’s ridiculous.

Bonus: With Yang and Blake both being my favourite it was only a matter of time before I saw the potential in a relationship between the two..then this happened..


Originally posted by deltrans

and I was trauma welded to this ship for life. 


There we have it. 


If anyone has any of their own they’d love to share then go ahead I’d love to read them! Who are your top ten?

Another ichiruki fic because I’m literal trash

Title: Roses by another name
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: T+
Characters: [Ichigo K. Rukia K]
Summary: “You’re something.” A boy, a girl and a stab wound. There are better love stories, but this is theirs.
Link

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Rat Queens “Tutorial”

This is a piece of fan art I recently completed for Kurtis Wiebe’s Rat Queens comic. It was turning into a bit of a monster so I decided to start chronicling the process so I could share it with my students.

Steps have been skipped here but this is the point where I started making WIPS so I’ll give you a run down of the process to this point. I had the idea that it would be a straight on shot of the Queens after raiding a throne room. I think the most prevalent image in my mind was that of Betty sat on the throne with a huge smile on her face. That idea propelled the rest of the piece but the more I drew of the other Queens the less i liked how the image looked. Violet turned out okay but Hanna and Dee looked TERRIBLE. Betty was the only character that I felt embodied the spirit of the comic. You can see some red-line stuff where I tried adding in corpses and weapons stuck in the walls but man it just wasn’t looking anything like I wanted. Looking at Hannah in this annoys me, the pose looks like she’s thrown her back out!

I decided I needed the Queens to be more active within the image allowing a bit of playfulness in there. Through some iterations I though it would be fun if they were enjoying the spoils of their mischief. I was digging the new poses and could see how I wanted this to turn out when I realised that the tone of the image was a little off. At the this point the Queens would be in a fairly normal looking throne room celebrating the fact that they’d killed a bunch of possibly innocent people. This didn’t sit well with me as though they are a violent bunch their violence usually has a good reason behind it.

I decided that this would be the throne room of a necromancer or lych king. I designed the artifacts with that in mind and then proceeded to design the throne.

Here I added in the lych body. I wanted it to look like each Queen had a hand in his demise hence the knife, axe and head on fire.

At this point I had penciled out all the important details and was ready for inking. I added in the logo at the top to see how it would look.

Part way through inking the Queens, I knew I wanted spot blacks through out this image as it’s something I want to practice more. Also the design of the necklace in Hannah’s hands changed to resemble the crown and sword more.

 Here the inks are done and I’m happy with them. There was just one more thing I wanted to do though-

It’s subtle but I like adding colours or gradients to lines, I think it helps them sit with the colours rather than against them. Here I was thinking of a blue and red colour scheme. Blue for the environment and lych and red for the Queens. I had a deep red to deep blue gradient emanating from the flames and coloured the lines for the flames orange as a place holder.

Base colours for the clipping masks.

And here are the flat colours. These went through a number of iterations particularly with Dee’s purples. The colour scheme was shifting more towards purple and green with red for the Queens. Dee’s purple stumped me a bit until my buddy Gemma told me to warm them up. They’re more pink now but it still reads well.

These are the generic shadows. I took out the oclour so I could judge the lighting better and used black on an opaque multiply for this initial stage.

Here I have put a gradient on the shadows. I believe I placed the warmer colours further away from the flames thinking that close the the flames the shadows would be deeper and they would get more shallow and take on more of the glow of the flames the further away they got.

Here’s all the colours and shading done. And I HATED it. IT just didn’t look right to me. At this stage I tried adding in some edge lighting from the fire but it looked terrible.

I made a tactical decision to make the flames green and spooky and much preferred it.

Here I added in green edge lighting for areas facing the flames and purple edge lighting for bits that faced away from the flames. I’ve started doing this recently simply because I like how it looks!

I added in a glow over the flames to make it more intense and then added an inkwash texture over the whole thing to grime it up a little.

Et voila! The finished image with text and everything!

hatefilledpoptarts  asked:

I really like your use of colors and I'm a bit curious about how you know what would look good in the end. Is that something you have a natural feel for or have you had to test a lot before making a certain image look pleasing for the final product? Or do use use a program to pick the right palettes you want to use? Your art always looks so wonderful coloured and I just really love the schemes you choose for bright lighter colors or soft darker tones (^ω^)

Thanks!! Hmm, I just naturally have a feel for it! I don’t really use those palette programs since I’m really nit-picky with colors. Um, the reason that I’m able to utilize such colors is for the fact that I’ve done many experiments in the past (like doing observation studies), so now I’m just able to use them however I please. Don’t get me wrong though; I’m still an amateur at using colors and I’m still learning how to use them! A lot of the colors I use is based on my gut feeling rather than color theory if that makes sense? But yeah– Thank you so much once again!

Grooming Tips for All My Niggas

Alright, y’all

You’re nasty. Not tryna start nothing, but y’all are, it’s just a fact of nature, niggas is nasty. We smell, look, taste and feel nasty in our natural states. And ain’t nobody tyna get hollered on by a nasty ass nigga. But it’s all good, ya boy got you, we gonna get you looking smelling and feeling fresh as hell so you can go hit the club, or hit the bed. Let’s hit it.

To get started, you gonna need some tunes. I prefer something that’s gonna get you thinking about that one you tryna talk to, like some Badu or Sade, but my homeboy be swearing by Drake, so choose what you gonna wanna kick it with for an hour or two.

Alright, let’s hit it.

1.      We gonna take care of your face first, ‘cause this is gonna take some good time. Y’all know that shaving ain’t no punk for a nigga. We naturally got thick and wavy/curly facial hair, which has trouble growing up through the skin. Any nigga who shaves knows the hell that is your face bumping up, especially under your chin. So go hit the store. Walgreens is gonna have a majority of what you need. Wherever you go though, hit it up and get you some witch hazel and some aloe vera. Less than then bones for the both. Also, get you a double edge safety razor. It’s about $25 for one, and it’ll last you forever. If you a stingy/broke nigga, grab a bag of the single blade Bic disposables, but trust me, save up for the safety razor. It’s hella good for that Black skin and hair, and a nigga don’t wanna be bumpy (and red, for my lightskin niggas) tryna step. For shaving cream, you either need to get that professional shit with a brush, or else get you some olive oil (yo momma/sister/girl got some for her hair, I’m sure). Also, a bar of black soap is made for Black skin and’ll leave you feeling fresh and clean. Ask the Black Muslims, the guys at your barbershop, or hit up AfricaImports.com for some at a reasonable price, because it’s cheap. Go on and lather your face up real good with the soap, and wash with a washcloth in your sink. The soap lathers brown, so you’ll need to wipe down the sink area when you’re done, ain’t nobody wanna find some brown mess all over your sink. Rinse your face off and get your shaving cream or the olive oil, and slather it on your beard. Because there’s only one blade on your razor, you’ll have an easy ass time getting straight sideburns and smooth designs if you want them, but also there won’t be a lot of pull on your beard that leads to bumping. Just be careful with the safety razor, cause a nigga slip once and you got a nice gash to go show off at the spot. Rinse whatever remainders off of your face. The olive oil will have your face feeling smooth. That’s what you looking for. Ain’t nobody wanna lay up with a rough face-having nigga all up on them (PROTIP though, always but a barrier between your face and someone else when you laying up together. Beard stubble is rougher than a mug on someone else’s skin). PROTIP FOR THE BALDING NIGGAS! Shave it off. Niggas look good bald, but not with patchy ass hair.

2.      Hit the showers. You need to wash it all, my dude. Get you washcloth and clean that shit up. Be real thorough especially in your private areas. Ain’t nobody wanna experience yo dick cheese or smell your ass, so especially if your expecting company in that area, clean it out thoroughly. Especially pay some attention to your ass. Get all around, in the hair if you got some, and even rinse out the first little bit of your butt hole. Ain’t no shame in being clean, my dude. Bring a pair of scissors in the shower with you: I prefer the tiny ones with rounded points that they sell for elementary school kids at target or whatever, so you don’t have to worry about stabbing yourself. You don’t need to take everything off, but if you think something’s a little uneven or out of control, trim it up. Your dick looking like Shorty from Scary Movie 2, but you want Scary Movie 1, dude. If your armpits or ass looking thick as the jungle, consider that too, but it’s not as necessary. Rinse off well though, you don’t want no random stray pubes drifting about. Also, scrub your feet down, including between your toes. Wash your hair: hair naturally keeps odour, so if you ain’t washed it in a while you finna be musty, so get it right.

3.      Pat dry, and PUT ON SOME GODDAMN LOTION. For real, ain’t nobody wanna touch up on a dry ass nigga all day (or all night).

4.      Let’s talk about your feet. They’re nasty. Here’s how you can fix that. You have two options. Number one, go get you a pedicure. Ain’t no shame, hell I got some play today sitting in the chair while my girl Nancy lotioned me up, buffed me out and gave me a clear coat for $20. You need a recommendation in Colorado, I got you. Otherwise, go get you some high-quality nail clippers and a nail file. Clip yourself down neat and even, use the file if need be. Now, slather your feet in lotion, I mean slather, and put on some socks until your ready to go. Once you’re ready to walk out the door, change your socks and wipe off the extra lotion. This should keep you mostly moist and smooth down there for a bit. Then your feet won’t be knicking and getting all up on your sheets and your partners legs. If you’re extra crusty, I recommend Crisco instead of lotion on your feet.

5.      Let’s work on your scent. Now you can keep all of those cans of Axe laying around in case you need something fast or you’re not looking to impress on the daily, but anytime you’re looking to smell fresh and sexy, I’mma recommend you get yourself a professional fragrance. Best way to do this is to first learn about notes, what you like, what you don’t like, and what smells good on you. Hit up Fragrantica.com and browse around a little bit, or go over to the department store in the mall and find the little men’s fragrance area. Smell a couple, first sprayed in the air, then on yourself (don’t mix). If you find something online your not sure about, order a decant (they’re small bottles that you can spend less than ten dollars on). Find a fragrance that both you and your target audience will think is fire. Give yourself three sprays: neck/chest area, back of neck, wrists.

6.      If you really wanna be a fly ass nigga, get yo colours right. Know what colours go good together. Look at some models at note the colours. Look at some ladies and note the colours (a lot of them have got this on point better than us, but some don’t, so take a grain of salt with that shit). Here’s a tip: opposites are good. Go find a colour wheel and look at the opposites. Red and green, blue and orange, yellow and purple, etc. Don’t be that nigga who only got one colour scheme either, or that nigga who only wanna wear black, grey and blue. Think about which colours look good with your skin, and make sure your jewellery matches too. For example, I don’t like my skin in gold jewellery or bright orange. I be killing ‘em in silver and turquoise though. Guess what I be stocking up on. You got it.

7.      Brush your teeth. BRUSH YOUR TONGUE YOU MUSTY NIGGA. That shit’s uncomfortable, but it’ll have you smelling right for hours.

8.      Hit the club/date/party/bedroom/whatever. Talk right. Treat people right. Smell fresh. Taste fresh. Feel fresh. Look fresh.