i like how they just don't even care about it anymore

So yeah maybe I ran out of questions but you ran out of answers.
where the fuck were you when i was half drowned in a bottle of whiskey just asking for a text back?
where the fuck were you when life crawled under my skin and tore itself out from the inside?
where the fuck were you when I was going through it last November and you said looking at pain this close made you uncomfortable?
where do you get off with telling me I shouldn’t talk to him and that he’s bad and he only cares about one thing when the only goddamn time you were interested in me is when my clothes were off and yours were too
look at this game we played because it never was that to me but you only just now put your cards down so you could hold her fucking hand and
i can’t be mad about it I can’t feel it in my chest like a jolt of electricity i can’t beg for you to come back when you were never even here so
yeah
maybe i ran out of questions
but only when you stopped fucking answering them.
—  so block me again we’re not even friends– lily rain
Imagine a Mom discussion between Jinyoung and Jin though like
  • Jin : Yah, look at how they treat us now.
  • Jinyoung : We don't matter anymore, they're all grown up, they forget us.
  • Jin : Do you see how Kookie acts with me now? I raised him and this is how he thanks me?
  • Jinyoung : Bambam doesn't even peck me on the cheek anymore! I took care of him during all these years but now he's ashamed of me...
  • Jin : And it's not like we could count on our husbands' support, I mean look at them.
  • Jinyoung : It is hard to be a mom of 5 kids huh? Jaebum doesn't understand. He's just their dad ya know, what does he know about my struggle seriously
  • Jin : I feel you, Namjoon's my husband remember?
  • Jinyoung : Bro that must be hard.
  • Jin : *sigh* yep.
  • Jinyoung : ...
  • Jin : ...
  • Jinyoung : ...
  • Jinyoung : wanna get wasted?
  • Jin : Hell yes.

Don’t tell me you know what it’s like
Unless you’ve repeatedly slammed your head into a wall just to make the noise stop.
Until you’ve convinced yourself a million times that there is not one person who gives a shit about you.
Until you’ve taken a blade to your flesh and you can’t even see the seriousness of it because who gives a shit right?
Until you’ve spent months alone because you’ve been rejected by everyone you know.
Until you’ve destroyed yourself time and time again because you’ve decided that you don’t care anymore.
Until you’ve failed in everything you’ve tried because the plethora of symptoms that comes with mental illness has held you back at every turn.
Until you wake up everyday wondering who you will be today.
Until you’re so prepared to be hurt that you don’t even get hurt anymore.
Until you’ve seen the look of horror on people’s faces when you’ve blurted about your illness because you forgot people don’t wanna hear that shit.
Until you’ve latched on to someone you’ve known for two minutes because you’re so desperate for some kind of attention, affection, love.
Until you’ve pushed away people you love because your mind wouldn’t let you believe you could be loved,
Because you convinced them they didn’t love you,
Because your constant questioning stopped being cute and became overbearing.
Until you’ve tried to convince people that you’re amazing whilst simultaneously self-deprecating in an attempt to force them to realise what a fucking mess you are so they can leave you now before you’re too attached.

Don’t stand there and tell me you know what it feels like.
Don’t tell me everyone has those days
Because you don’t fucking having these days!

—  Those Days, CC (the coffee table book)

other people have made better posts about this, but i just……..god, i don’t even know how to put it. but carrie fisher’s unrepentant discussion of coping with addiction and bipolar disorder and doing the shit she needed to if she wanted to take care of herself and her family has been so so so important to me. it’s not easy, it fucked her over again and again, and she got back up every single time and that’s a level of strength that so many people seem completely oblivious to and it just breaks my heart that she’s gone. i will miss her. i will really, really miss her, and everything she gave to the world.

but i like to picture her showing up at the stereotypical pearly gates and just being like “you know who i am” and strides right in to exist happily ever after forever and ever without having to fight her brain anymore.

4

I re-draw it so many times! I tried again and again and again! 
I swear I don’t even like how it looks like!
I just wanted to show Victor in a date, probably he’s probably a romantic one.

Of course he gives you the strawberry, not even thinking about giving you the rest of the cake.
He is a romantic but evil one.

I now noticed many errors in his hands, but, still, I tried my best.
Next time I’ll do better!

I wanted to open a project in which I draw various date with YOI’s character, even with followers’ request, but I changed my mind.
I’m not ready yet, and nobody would care or ask me.
I’ll see you in my next draw! <3 
Victor is such a sinnamon roll.

I don’t normally listen to secular music but Lorde has released two new songs recently and I was absolutely obsessed with her my first year of university, so I checked them out. And not surprisingly, I’m absolutely obsessed again. Especially her song Liability which like…I completely relate to and don’t even have to explain here because if you’d listen to the lyrics you’d know why since it’s so self-evident.

And it makes me think of dating and relationships. Not only because of the lyrics but like I said, I was absolutely obsessed with Lorde in my first year of university. And during that year, there was a guy I had a crush on for pretty much the entire year. It never went anywhere and I remember after I came home from an event he’d invited me to, disappointed nothing came of it, I was crying in my dorm with all my girl friends. It wasn’t so much even about the guy himself but the fact that I was 18 and never had a real boyfriend or anything like that. And I kept saying how all throughout high school people told me I was too intimidating and too strong of a personality for boys my age, and how I felt being in university and liking an older guy would make that go away but it didn’t. One of my friends had an idea to go to the guy who lived next door in res to us and ask what he thinks, because I was pretty good friends with him. So she asked if he thought I was too intimidating or such a strong personality that it was off-putting to guys and he said yes, sometimes. Clearly that wasn’t the answer she was expecting but it’s what she got. And it just made me even more upset because I thought, you know, this is just who I am. But apparently it’s intrinsically not attractive to men.

Then fast forward to the summer when I’m involved in the frum community. And I’m learning about tefillah with my rabbi and we get on the topic of tznius and he tells me it’s more than just clothes but a middah too. Which I agree with, but then he tells me he notices I have a habit of putting myself in conversations I don’t belong in or dominating the space I’m in and it’s not so tznius. And I wonder if that means I’m not aidel enough for frumkeit so I keep his words around my neck like a locket; a reminder to be quiet and gentle. I even buy a journal that has the quote “leave something to the imagination” written on it in calligraphy because I need it as a reminder that it’s not just my body that needs to kept under wraps but apparently my thoughts too. So I begin writing all my thoughts inside this journal instead of speaking them until suddenly I have journals lining my bedroom walls and my tongue burning with bite marks from holding it back.

And I think sometimes that’s why I’ve taken such a shtark approach to the clothing aspect of tznius. I reached a point where I only wore 60 den stockings and safety pinned the necks of all my shirts inches above my collarbone and I cut my hair and I tried to do everything I could to make up for the fact that I wasn’t tznius as a person, that my personality was too brash. I would cross the street if men were on the same side as me and I wouldn’t sit next to them in cars. Anything I could do to be tznius.

Because for a long time I felt I wasn’t. No guy wanted anything to do with me because I was too much. Too loud, too opinionated, too much energy, just too much. I tried to make myself smaller in more ways than one. I was exhausting; fun for a time but not forever. Too much.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m happy with who I am even if others think it’s a bit over the top. I think there is a lot of truth in what my rabbi was trying to teach me about tznius. I think I was at a weird stage in my life where I was desperately trying to fit in with the frum community that I read too much into what he was saying to me. But I took it too far, which I guess is ironic because that’s what people say about me when they claim I’m “too much”, which to me, translated as not aidel enough.

But I’m happy with my strong personality. I used to worry even as a fifteen year old I’d never have a boyfriend because I was too much. It seemed to be proven to me that’d be the case when I was eighteen. I worried about that for a long time. Now I’m twenty-one and I don’t think it’s such an issue anymore. Maybe it’s because I realize I also need a strong personality. I used to always say I need to date someone who is timid and reserved and quiet to balance me out, tone me down. But I don’t need that. I don’t want that. Even though that’s what I always said, even as a fifteen year old, and even when I started shidduchim. But it’s not what I want or need. I need someone just as loud and domineering and “too much” and whatever other words people label me as.

har-maguedon  asked:

Yo,, weird question but do you have any good gay ff fics? Specifically promptis but I'm not too picky,, thank u,,,

To be honest I don’t read FFXV fanfics that much because
1) people erase the character’s personalities and make them into something they’re not. They aren’t even the boys anymore and it’s like I’m just reading someone’s gross mlm fetish fanfic or someone who thinks “they’re fictional characters so I can do what I want” bs explanation. Smh
2) abusive relationships or rape stories
3) a lot of them are written by disgusting fujoshis or people who fetishize mlm.
4) Them having sex is nice since they’re ships and people usually but not always have sex in a relationship, but it’s not the main thing that people should be thinking about constantly when making a fanfic (that’s how you know they’re fujoshis or nasty people who fetishize mlm). I just want them all to be happy and in good relationships that actually make sense. Like I hate reading stuff that’s all about sex. It’s gross and boring. What’s the point of the relationship then if there’s nothing else or any development? What’s the point of hypersexualizing these ships?
5) gross “mommy” “daddy” stuff with Ignis and Gladio. I’m really sick of it like please stop. It was a harmless nonsexual joke at first and now it’s ruined.
6) I honestly don’t like the fandom that much anymore because of ship wars, racism, whitewashing, and some other things. The only reason I’m still in it is to keep up with updates on stuff about the game because I really love the game and the characters (also all the gifs, good fanart, theories, and good little stories people make. Lol)
7) You’ll probably never or sometimes see nsfw fanart of the boys on my blog because when I see it, I’m just like ehhhh it’s cute and I’ll maybe like it but I mostly likely won’t reblog it unless it’s really good and has some type of good little story plot or something.
8) I just stay away from FFXV fanfics most of them time because a lot them are gross and I feel uncomfortable reading them unless a friend sends me a good one but I never save the link so…sorry.

Sorry I went on a rant but yeah…those are the reasons.

Earth-1 Barry x Earth-2 Len

Barry knows something is off about his Earth-2 doppelganger, and he swears it’s not only because of the embarrassment of the guy having gushed to Harry. When the others come in to his rescue from Zoom, he still doesn’t expect his double to betray them. To turn around and smile cruelly as he grabs his wife’s arm and pulls her back with him.

“All yours, dad.”

Dad. Barry still can’t get over that, that Zoom is his father. Or well…not HIS father, but still, Earth-2 Henry Allen, who might love his own son, but could care less about any other version from some other earth.

Barry’s still not sure how they made it out, leaving Zoom and the other Barry behind. They likely managed easier because Iris chose them, chose good over her husband, and that shouldn’t hurt so much, even though Barry’s glad she did the right thing. It’s just hard to see her look at him with something akin to hatred, even if he’s not the one her hatred is aimed at.

They have Jesse. Barry’s winded but he got them out. They’re safe - for now, in the city, where Barry just needs to catch his breath before they head back to STAR Labs and HOME. Iris thanks them, for what it’s worth, and dashes off. Caitlin–Killer Frost is already gone.

Harry has his arm around Jesse, looks around realizing they might need a cab to get back sooner if Barry can’t flash them the rest of the way.

Then a limo pulls up, surprising them, and a deep voice from inside yells at them to get in when the door opens. Barry thinks he recognizes the voice. Harry must, because he doesn’t hesitate. It isn’t until he, Cisco, Harry, and Jesse are all inside that Barry realizes Leonard Snart is on his left, beside him, looking right at home in a tailored suit befitting of Earth-2 fashion.

“Thank you, Mr. Mayor,” Harry says, and Barry can’t help gaping.

Mayor Snart. Of course.

“Still, Harry? How long have we known each other?” Snart shoots back, a slight smile on his face. Then his navy eyes are on Barry. “Where have you been, kid? Heard about that rotten father-in-law of yours, then you were gone, all this chaos around you at Jitterbug. What happened?”

And Barry knows Snart is asking Earth-2 Barry these questions, not him, they must know each other, but before Barry can answer, Snart’s warm hand reaches for his face, pulls him in, and…wow - his mouth is warm too.

“Dude,” Cisco sputters.

Barry’s brain shuts down too much to do anything but accept the press of lips.

“That’s not the Barry Allen you know, Leonard,” Harry drones. “Still chasing headlines with your heart on your sleeve, I see. Mr. Rory, take us to STAR Labs!” he calls ahead at the driver.

The limo brings them to the labs, and they explain, as best they can, that Barry and Cisco aren’t from here, from this earth. They’ve explained it enough times now, it’s almost easy, but the slow slide of Snart’s hand from Barry’s face when he first registers what Harry said, the way his body stiffens through the explanation, makes Barry feel as nauseous as he had with Iris.

Barry doesn’t know what’s worse. That his double knowingly helps his evil father, lies to Iris, cheats on her with Snart, the mayor, of all people, or that Iris and Snart alike both seem to love the bastard despite it all.

Snart goes with them into the labs, the back way, fewer people, where Harry can get his daughter cleaned up, something to eat, have some time alone with her. Barry and Cisco prepare to head home, knowing a battle with Zoom is still likely, and they can’t…can’t leave and close the breach like they planned. They’ll have to leave it open, find some other way to defeat Zoom. Rescuing Jesse isn’t enough.

And Snart’s there through it all, until Barry finally stops and forces himself to look the man in the eyes. “I’m sorry. He’s okay, you know. He’s not hurt. He’s just…with Zoom. He’ll show up eventually. Though Iris might arrest him when he does. He’s just, you know…an asshole, apparently.”

“That’s nothing new,” Snart shrugs with a wry smile.

Barry’s glad Cisco is across the room. He has to ask. “Then why? He’s married, and a jerk, and a coward, and I just…why are you with him? Why do you even…like him?“

“We don’t choose who we fall for, kid.”

“No, I know, but…”

“He’s not all bad. I didn’t know he was married when it started. Didn’t know what I was doing at all, just knew I wanted him the moment I saw him. There are moments…real moments, where he shows he can be more, is more, has the potential to be better. To be something…” Snart’s eyes linger on Barry with such longing it stings. “…well, something good. And I’m sure that makes me sound right pathetic, like some typical politician chasing tail that’s bad for him ‘cause he can’t control himself, and maybe that’s all I am. But I know it won’t change. I love the idiot.”

Barry doesn’t know what to say, so he just says, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too. Don’t suppose…”

“Hm?”

Snart glances at Cisco, who’s busy finalizing what they need to open the breech. Then he moves into Barry’s body. “Don’t suppose I could have just…one more kiss?”

Barry’s stomach flips. He glances at Cisco too. He should say no. He should step back. But he feels drawn in instead. Snart’s lips are just as warm as they were the first time, gentle, but desperate.

He whispers against Barry’s lips. “Wouldn’t it have been something…if I’d gotten to have you instead?”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Barry says, backing up before Cisco notices their proximity.

“I won’t. He’s the one I fell in love with. He’s the one I’ll wait for.”

Barry can’t help asking, “Why?”

Snart shrugs helplessly. “Because. I have to believe there’s good in him.”

10

@ anons - i’m really sorry for tms being so eternally absent rn, honestly if i had known all this shit was going to go down i would have made sure i uploaded a chapter just before

i haven’t abandoned it though, but i also can’t stomach writing another word of the fic right now. i wish i could, i wish i could force myself (and tbh i’ve tried to and it just… well it was awful frankly) but the truth is i just can’t face thinking about robron or tms so for the time being there won’t be anymore updates

i won’t leave it unfinished, i wouldn’t do that. i’m also really hoping that i don’t have to cut it down just so it gets a resolution, but i won’t rule out that possibility. i’ll keep you all updated though if or when i get back to writing <3

when will my family (not taking about my parents, I mean grandparents, aunts, uncles etc) stop being boring and start being happy for me to travel and actually engage with me and ask me about how i’m doing instead of just uttering one consecutive sigh everything I do something exciting

like, i just want a “that sounds interesting, how was it?” instead of a “oh girl…. be careful and remember where home is!!” every once in a while

like i can feel them thinking i’m low-key crazy for not living their life-style that involves yearly trips to the baltic sea as only form of traveling but i don’t ever want to be like that

i guess i’d just like them to be proud of me for being independent and exploring the world but that would involve them reflecting on how their so very stable and so very proper life is actually so very not perfect and there’s so much they’re missing out

one thing i need everyone to understand is that when i say that i love bucky barnes i don’t mean it like “oh he’s a really interesting and great character that i like very much” no i mean it like “i literally love him with all of my goddamn heart and i think about him literally every day and all i want is for him to be safe and happy and i would legit sell my soul for that to happen and it’s pretty much gotten to a point where he’s almost like a real person in my life and i know how ridiculous that is but i don’t even care anymore i just love him so much”

My fave boys:)

Someone can say: “ot5 is dead”, “Zayn doesn’t talk to boys anymore”, “he hates everything about his past 1D life, can’t you see it?”. And you know what? People can think whatever they want. If that’s what they like to believe in, if they like to create drama… then I can’t help it.

I strongly believe that Zaynie is still best friends with his boys. I’m sure that they’re close as ever. Naive? Oh no. You can’t forget 5 years of such strong friendship just like that. They were in hell together. They’re btothers, they love each other.

And ZIAM. I believe they’re couple. They’re inseparable. These boys share everything even if they’re miles away from each other. We know that Liam’s so supportive! He always praises his boy, always tells him how talented and beautiful he is. We saw it million times. I’m sure he helped Zaynie with his album even if we haven’t seen it. 

And I can’t wait. I want to hear their solo projects sooo much. For me Zaynie and Liam are the most talented lads in the band. I’m sure they’ll give us something wonderful:) (Still hoping for Ziam Duo <3).

When you see a post about how IH fans are “annoying” and “are intolerable of other opinions” and “always try to shove IH into people’s faces” and “never leave the IR fans alone”:

Originally posted by quandtaspasdeviesociale

Originally posted by realitytvgifs

Originally posted by lifetimetv

Originally posted by bookish

Originally posted by notmydate

Originally posted by samisoffthewall

Originally posted by myselfishlonelykingdom

Originally posted by itstessagreen