i like how they just don't even care about it anymore

I’ve been contemplating for several days something, and I’ve been trying to distill it into meaning, and put nice little bullet points on how this relates to things that have been bugging me about some common Discourses I’ve been seeing, but at the end, I only really have a story. So here, have a story.

About ten years ago, sometime in the eventful 2006-2007 George W. Bush-ruled hellscape of my identity development, I was just starting to figure out how I felt about my conservative upbringing (not great) and whether I was some brand of queer (probably, but too scared to think about what brand for too long). I was working as a server at a popular Italian-inspired sit-down restaurant that was the closest thing my tiny South Carolinian town had to “fancy” at the time but isn’t really fancy at all.

The host brought a party of four men to one of my tables. It was hard to tell their ages, but my guess is they were teenagers or in their early 20s in the 1980s. Mid-40s, at the time. It was standard to ask if anyone at the table was celebrating anything, so I did. They said they were business partners celebrating a great business deal and would like a bottle of wine.

It was a fairly busy night so I didn’t have a LOT of time to spend at their table, but they were nice guys. They were polite and friendly to me, they didn’t hit on me (as most men were prone to do – sometimes even in front of their girlfriends, a story I’ll tell later if anyone wants me to), and they were racking up a hell of a tab that was going to make my managers happy, so I checked on them as often as I could.

Toward the end of their second bottle of wine, as they were finishing their entrees, I stopped at the table and asked if they wanted any more drinks or dessert or coffee. They were well and truly tipsy by now, giggling, leaning back in their chairs – but so, so careful not to touch each other when anyone was near the table.

They’re all on the fence about dessert, so being a good server, I offered to bring out the dessert menu so they could glance it over and make a decision, “Since you’re celebrating.”

“She’s right!” one of the men said, far too emphatically for a conversation on dessert. “It’s your anniversary! You should get dessert!”

It was like a movie. The whole table went absolutely silent. The clank of silverware at the next table sounded supernaturally loud. Dean Martin warbled “That’s Amore” in some distorted alternate universe where the rest of the restaurant went on acting like this one tipsy man hadn’t just shattered their carefully crafted cover story and blurted out in the middle of a tiny, South Carolina town, surrounded by conservatives and rednecks, that they were gay men celebrating a relationship milestone. 

And I didn’t know what I was yet, but I knew I wasn’t an asshole, and I knew these men were family, and I felt their panic like a monster breathing down all our necks. It’s impossible to emphasize how palpably terrified they were, and how justified their terror was, and how much I wanted them to be happy.

So I did the only thing I knew to do. I said, “Congratulations! How many years?”

The man who’d spoken up burst into tears. His partner stood up and wrapped me in the tightest, warmest hug I’ve ever had – and I’ve never liked being touched by strangers, but this was different, and I hugged him back.

“Thank you,” he whispered, halfway to crying himself. “Thank you so much.”

When he finally let go of me and sat back down, they finally got around to telling me they were, in fact, two couples on a double date, and both celebrating anniversaries. Fifteen years for one of them, I think, and a few years off for the other. It’s hard to remember. It was a jumble of tears and laughter and trembling relief for all of us. They got more relaxed. They started holding hands – under the table, out of sight of anyone but me, but happy.

They did get dessert, and I spent more time at their table, letting them tell me stories about how they met and how they started dating and their lives together, and feeling this odd sense of belonging, like I’d just discovered a missing branch of my family.

When they finally left, all four of them took turns standing up and hugging me, and all four of them reached into their wallets to tip me. I tried to wave them off but they insisted, and the first man who’d hugged me handed me forty dollars and said, “Please. You are an angel. Please take this.”

After they left I hid in the bathroom and cried because I couldn’t process all my thoughts and feelings.

Fast forward to three days ago, when my own partner and I showed up to a dinner reservation at a fancy-casual restaurant to celebrate our fifth anniversary. The whole time I was getting ready to leave, there was a worry in the back of my mind. The internet web form had asked if the reservation was celebrating anything in particular, and I’d selected “Anniversary.” I stood in the bathroom blow-drying my hair, wondering what I would do if we showed up, two women, and the host or the server took one look at us and the “Anniversary” designation on our reservation and refused to serve us. It’s not as ubiquitous anymore, but we’re still in the south, and these things still happen. Eight years of progressive leadership is over, and we’ve got another conservative despot in office who’s emboldening assholes everywhere.

It was on my mind the whole fifteen minutes it took to drive there. I didn’t mention it to my partner because I didn’t want to cast a shadow over the occasion. More than that, I didn’t want to jinx us, superstitious bastard that I am.

We walked into the restaurant. I told the hostess we had a reservation, gave her my last name.

She looked at her screen, then looked back at us. She smiled, broadly and genuinely, and said, “Happy anniversary! Your table is right this way.”

Our server greeted us, said, “I heard you were celebrating!”

“It’s our anniversary,” Kellie said, and our server gasped, beaming.

“That’s great! Congratulations! How many years?”

And I finally breathed a sigh of relief, and I thought about those men at that restaurant ten years ago. I hope they’re still safe and happy, and I hope we all get the satisfaction of helping the world keep blooming into something that’s not so unrelentingly terrible all the time.

any post about a “group chat” just reminds me of how it feels like everybody in the world already has their little group of friends and i’m just kinda constantly floating in and out of people’s outer circles, so even if they consider me their friend they’d be just fine without me since they have so many people they like more than me

Here’s all the things that I’ve been working on. (Have fun scroling.)

1st: The people that I follows A.K.A my senpais:

@nekophy - First and for most, you’re amazing. Your art is beautiful in every piece. Your OCs are cute and adorable. You YOURSELF is amazing a hyperactive. Keep on being a cute little stick cat! Also I want to draw you as a cat and not a stick cat so sorry for that

@angexci - I can’t say how wonderful you are in any way possible. Your traditional are perfect, but your digital art is so awesome! You are amazing, everytime you post something, either a shitpost or an art piece, I love it all. So continue being a cool bird!

@jakei95 - One question, HOW. THE HELL. ARE YOU. SO FREAKING CALM?? Okay, you’re really, AWESOMELY cool. Your characters are cool, cute, awesome at the same time. Your art is TOO COOL, OKAY?? Also, you’re funny, like EXTREMELY FUNNY. Please continue on being a funny and cool potato! :3 I dunno I drew the background galaxy

@gabi4chan-akatsuki - I know your blog is not art related but I like Vocaloid and your Vocatale AU. I ADORE your Vocaloid covers, it sounds amazing. So just keep on tuning!

@wilyart - I know you don’t post much, but you are still amazing. I don’t have much to say aside from that your art are fabulous.

@kyashee-art - I. LOVE. EVERY. PIECE. OF ART. YOU MAKE. THAT’S ALL I COULD SAY. I can’t say anymore than compliment your art. I made this before you changed your mascot so oops.

@trashy-artzy-me - You’re one of the best traditional artist I’ve ever know. Personaly I feel that you’re cool :). Keep on being amazing!

@blogthegreatrouge - I can’t say you’re cool and amazing enough. You’re the first person i followed, the person that I made my blog for, the first person that I actually motivates me to post on Tumblr. Your art are all from the heavens. Except those sin art. So I hope you never give up and continue on!

@renrink - *inhales* YOU ARE SO COOL. Especially your AU, Reapertale is so cool and I’m waiting for your stuff. Your art are so goddamn wonderful, like DAYUM. I once tried to color like you but I failed so bad, I deleted it. :P. Just continue on being a cool dude gal!

@walkingmelonsaaa - I can’t say your art is amazing enough. Your lines, your coloring, your porotions! It’s beatiful! You are an art goddess to me, to everyone who knows you. So keep on making amazing art! I didn’t know what to draw for the background so I tried and it sucks >:(

@zarla-s - To be honest, I know you from Quotev XD, I read your fanfictions and I’m still waiting and I read the comics and I compared it and I’m surprised. Anyways, your art are so cute, espescially the skelebros! I want to say you’re great! Continue on!

@golzy - I know you’re on hiatus but I wanna say that I want feels too :3.I love your art, you’re talented at a young age. I’m cheering for you! I drew you in your Gay Daddy outfit with some fixing—

@camilaart - Through all the things that happened, you pushed through and fly up above! I wish you would never give up! Ever!

Sapphire by @sapphirescarletta123

Rey by @reyindee

@yugogeer12 - You’re from a cool gal to cute bean. AN ADORABLE BEAN!!! Your art are so goddamn cute!! So cute man! Your Epictale AU is great and EPIC! Keep on being a mixure of a cute and EPIC!!

@allesiathehedge

2nd: People that I follows A.K.A my senpais in CHIBI FOOOOOOORM!!! XD:


Sharky by @myebi

@ania-da-peasant - Though those idiotic people send hate, send you ask that lacks inteligence. You still pushed through. You was pushed down before but you stood up and face them. So never lose hope! Stay DETERMINED!

@theodd1sout 

@owlturdcomix

@mudkipful 

@rosannapansino RosannaPansino

Perf by @perfectshadow06

3rd: For some of my followers:

@notch0607 @mkitkat @broken-tale-comic @nekokurisu @locis-didi @lazyartz @xxlisagamerxx @undertalefan1111 @anda-blr @cyberbullybro @saskiakawaiistudio @4jen

4th: My awesome friends!:

@mercury-draws-shitz - You’re great, even though it may not feel like it, it is. You’re the first one that actually made fanart for me :’DD So keep being cool!

@thekawaiichibigirl - You are a great friend, though you’re depression is bad, you’re pushing through!! I was– I mean EVERYONE was very worried, so don’t do that ever again. Those people are still hating but you’re answering them in a bad a$$ way!! Sorry Arty Just keep being who you are!!

@anndreemurr - We talk for like once and some how became friends X’DD So just wanna say that your art are everything! It’s so beautiful! So continue being cute and cool :D

@ithinkiamanartist - You’re the one that I talk to the most XDDD omg okay umm.. *inhales* YOUR COOL. You’re just like a cool big sister to me. Da coolest were cat big sister I’ve ever nyew. Your art is coot and cool just like you! Continue on being coot and cool kay sis? :) 

@armitie - Yay time for my first friend I ever made here :’D You are a little roll of memes and shitpost oh ye– You’re the meme sister and super SUPER weird. Your art is super duper cute!! ((I like slim bodies)) Though we don’t talk much, I still love you with every inch of— So keep on doin’ it!

@elamania - Time for my second friend that I made here! Where you’ve been? Nah just kiddin’ I’m not gonna joke like that. I must say that your coloring are wonderFUR!! Get it ‘cause you’re a cat? Yeah? Okay ._. 

@unlikelykingdomsuit - I know we rarely talk, but I still love your art. You’re real FURtastic! Yeah. Puns. I suck at it. But I still want you to know that care about you. Holy that sounds cheesy

@burntsalmonfishy132005 - HI LITTLE CHICKEN!! The second Vietnamese friend I made. You’re a cute little spammer. Yup - u - b Your art is adorable as heack! So keeo on being a cute little chick! ;D

@mikaru-blackspade - I know you’re banned from any social media but you’re still my first Vietnamese friend. You’re a great artist even if you don’t think you are. I wanna say keep on doin’ it!

@pandurrpink - Though we just became friends like a few weeks ago, you still counts as my dear friend. AND HOLY YOUR COLORING IS EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Continue to be an amazing artist Pandurr!

5th: The youtubers that I subscribe:

Aphmau

PopularMMOs

GamingWithJen

DanTDM

LDShadowLady

JaidenAnimations

Domics

StacyPlays

Ha! I can do something better with my birthday than writing and doing this. Only llike 3 or 4 people wish me “Happy Birthday”. This joke is so lame.

anonymous asked:

hey i kinda miss your old style. like without the metaphors. you had a good humor! you still do but i just don't see any of those anymore :/. will you make any more soon?

Something I’ve been thinking about.

Warning: Lots of text ahead. Putting it behind a “Keep reading” thing.

Keep reading

(long post, sorry)

In spite of everything I love Harley Quinn but, damn, writers treat her so badly. I swear, the temptation to make her actually stupid must be terrible because it’s so often implied, or explicitly stated, that she slept her way through school. First of all, it does not work like that.  Second, she’s not a therapist or a psychologist, she’s a psychiatrist, she’s a fricking MD and a damn young one too. Managing pre-med and collegiate gymnastics that she relied on to keep her scholarship? Harley is fucked up, but she’s not the dumb blonde she plays. (also stop making her stacked, she’s a gymnast. she is 4’11” of pure muscle and is not top heavy)

If you want a good Harley backstory it’s simple. She’s ADHD but medicated and slightly robotic because of it. I want to take special care not to demonize meds but, rather, people’s disapproval of neurodivergence and a lack of focus on what is best for a patient rather than what is most convenient for others. So, maybe, around ten years old Harley is a hyperactive space cadet who’s brilliant at tests but sloppy at coursework, who would be a gymnastics prodigy if she could actually focus on technique and put in practice time instead of fooling around. Then the meds come and it’s actually really cool because she can do the things she needs to do instead of just wanting to do them, doing something else entirely, and getting in trouble. People are proud of her, she’s proud of herself. But now there are expectations. Family and teachers and coaches overschedule her, find worth only in her success and don’t care about her mental health at all as long as she’s performing and castigate her when she does fail. Fuck if you don’t internalize that. But she doesn’t look unhealthy and she’s doing amazing. She actually has to choose between the Olympic trials and continuing her grad studies. She probably has some issues with self-harm but it either doesn’t look like self-harm or is well covered up. 

When Arkham accepts her, fresh from her residency, it’s not a mistake. The woman is amazing. All they can see is a mountain of achievements rather than the seething ball of nerves, self-loathing, and imposter syndrome boiling just under the surface. That’s when Joker comes in. He’s got the Hannibal Lecter shtick down. Where everyone else sees an intelligent driven young woman he sees a frightened overwhelmed girl who is working her hardest to convince the world she’s anyone other than herself. Sending her into a nervous breakdown would be too easy so he doesn’t even bother. Instead he’s open with her, almost friendly. The other doctors are amazed, Harley is amazed, she’s not done anything particularly revolutionary but, for the first time in forever, it looks like the clown prince of crime is showing progress. He unravels her and it’s a challenge, she flinches back and gets very serious when he comes too close to the real Harley under the professional. Still, soon she’s questioning everything. She doesn’t even really like her co-workers. She hasn’t had a real friend in years. She’s forgotten how to have fun. Did she ever want this to be her life or did she just do it for other people? It starts so slowly that it looks, at first, like she’s getting better at self-care. Maybe something totally silly one weekend, a trampoline park where she can enjoy the way her toned body moves without stressing out over landings, a face painting booth at a street fair, some garishly colored downright tacky decoration that clashes with her sensible apartment. Suddenly she realizes how much she hates knowing the difference between cream and ecru. The beigeness of her life is repulsive. She hates the person she’s pretending to be even more that she hates herself which is really saying something.

After her weekend of freedom she would have called in sick if it wasn’t so suddenly important to see him. The relief she feels at talking to one of Gotham’s most infamous supercriminals is disturbing but it is relief and she’s been swallowing a slow-motion panic attack for hours. She admits, though she shouldn’t, that she took his advice about doing something fun and he teases her, what would straight-laced Doctor Quinzel do for fun? Did she realphabetize her sock drawer or buy a new clipboard? It’s not important to impress him, it’s really not. He’s dangerous, cruel, and he looks so proud when she admits that she bought a lamp shaped like a lawn flamingo. The only mistake, he says, is that she should have stolen it. She hopes the wicked thrill it gives her doesn’t show on her face. It does. She almost even laughs. He likes it when he can make her laugh and she likes it when he likes things.

It’s wrong and unprofessional, the relationship she develops, and she knows it but her whole life she’s been so high strung. Nothing she’s done has been for her, she’s not sure she knows how to really do selfish things anymore, but he knows the selfish things she needs to do. It feels good when she follows his advice even when it’s small things like the rainbow striped socks she wears concealed under her very bland slacks and sensible shoes. She’s so happy, almost giddy, and he loves her happiness, he loves her, he loves the real her that she’s had to beat down and hide for so long, the her that even she isn’t able to love. She is able to love him, though, and since he loves her she’s able to love herself for him, to protect and nurture something so important to him.

When the choice comes between her old self, the tedious endless labor of making the world proud, and Him, the spectacular man that brought color into her life, it’s not even a question. She kills Doctor Harleen Quinzel, she throws away the version of her that let herself burn just for medals and hollow accolades. She embraces Harley Quinn and it’s so much a part of her nature she can’t even see that she’s still living her life for someone else’s approval, except this time that person is a murderous clown. She hasn’t let her hair down, she’s just put it in pigtails instead of a bun.

Don't Label Jin in BTS with Female Pronouns or Automatically Associate Him with Namjoon

Please, don’t call/or imply that Jin is a mom/wife/parent/princess etc.; claim indirectly that Namjin is the only Jinship; or automatically associate Jin with Namjoon as a default, because of these reasons:
1. Misrepresentation of Jin’s personality: BigHit restricted Jin’s personality because they wanted him to have a certain image as being cool, calm and collected until around 2016, when BigHit finally allowed Jin to act like himself. As you can see in recent videos, Jin is much more playful, outgoing, childish and loud. However, the label of mom still remains despite the fact that he doesn’t exhibit the stereotypical traits of a mom anymore. Cooking and taking care of the members does not automatically make him a mother. This is why I don’t want him to be called mom/wife/princess anymore, because you’re misrepresenting who he actually is. All the members say Jin ist the most childish.
2. “But the other members call Jin mom, and Jin has called himself it as well”: Yes, I acknowledge that this has happened; however, J-Hope and Jimin has also been labeled as moms. J-Hope especially have been referred to as the mother-figure much more frequently than Jin. Both J-Hope and Jimin have done actions that can be perceived as stereotypical mom-traits. Why does the label only stick to Jin? Plus they’re calling him uncle now.
3. The appropriate context: If you’re going to label someone as mom, at least it should be in a context where the member actually acts in a way that is stereotypically considered motherly. Instead often what happens is that Jin is labeled as a mother/wife no matter how unlike a stereotypical mother/wife he actually acts.
4. Double standards and hypocrisy: For example, Jin has nearly kissed Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook but this is still considered a son-mom-moment, with comments like “Mommy Jin, what are you doing trying to kissing your son?”, “Cute mom-and-son bonding moment” or “Stop cheating on Namjoon.” This limits our perception of Jin’s relationships, because they are all reduced to son-mom-moments. If near-kiss-moments had been between any of the other members than Jin, the interactions would not have been interpreted as a mom-and-son-moment. But just because it’s Jin, his interactions are judged differently. In other words, there is a double standard on how Jin is treated compared to other members. It is hypocritical that Jin is judged differently.
5. Limiting the way we perceive Jin’s relationships: It also limits the type of relationships Jin is allowed to have, both romantically and brotherly. The mom/wife label is indirectly forced on people like me, when people continue to comment things like mom/wife. When people comment that Jin is “cheating on Namjoon” or “Mom Jin and dad Namjoon taking care of the kids”, people implicitly make it clear that Jin can only be shipped with Namjoon (even if it’s just a joke), and when people, even if they don’t bring in Namjoon, call Jin mom they are indirectly reinforcing the ship and the role Jin has.
6. Shipping: Worse is when Namjoon or mom jokes are used to promote their ship. Saying that Jin is “cheating on Namjoon” or imply in any way that Namjoon or Jin are in an actual relationship, dismisses Jin’s other relationships with the other members. and implicitly reinforce that Jin can not be shipped with anyone than Namjoon. This often happens when people don’t want Jin to be shipped with anyone else than Namjoon, so they make “jokes” and misgenders him because they don’t want Jin to be shipped with anyone else then Namjoon.
7. Indirectly/Implicitly preventing shipping: Saying things like “You can’t ship mom and son, that’s incest” and “Everyone already knows that Namjoon and Jin is married”, is a dismissive gesture, that is implicitly preventing people from interpreting Jin’s relationships in another way than mom-and-son. People hide behind this “joke”, to prevent Jin from being shipped, brotherly or romantically etc., with anyone else than Namjoon.
8. Stereotyping of Moms: “A stereotype is a preconceived notion about a group of people.” By calling Jin mom/wife, people are indirectly implying that making food and taking care of the members, is how a mom should/and is acting.
9. “But it’s a compliment”: Maybe people mean it as one, but it’s still problematic to perpetuate a stigma about moms, and implicitly about gender roles.
10. Gender roles and heteronormativity: By stereotyping Jin as the mother and Rap Monster as the father, people are implying that there needs to be a “submissive” and “dominant” in the relationship, often in relation with “femininity” (female) and “masculinity” (male). Instead of just being a relationship with two men, people are indirectly strengthening the perception that there needs to be someone traditionally feminine (female) and someone traditionally masculine (male). Even though I don’t believe anyone is intentionally intending to be homophobic or sexist, this is still a case of unintentional and internalized sexism and homophobia, that stigmatize and generalize people. This is heteronormativity.
11. Misgendering: About the princess/mom/wife label, Jin once corrected a fan when she called him princess, he wanted to be called prince. This can be applied to the mom/wife label too.
12. “But we know that he is a man, it’s just a joke”: Jokes can be problematic and harmful, and as I mentioned before, it still misrepresents Jin’s personality, stereotypes him and limits how we view his interactions with other members.
13. “It’s still a joke. Calm down. If you don’t like the comments, just ignore them.”: People are entitled to their opinion, but don’t tell us not react or tell us it’s just a joke, because we understand that it’s just a joke, but we don’t find it funny. Stop trivializing our feelings, perspectives and experiences and blame us for implicitly for being “too sensitive” and “not being able to take a joke” when so many people do not like that Jin is called mom/wife/princess etc. Our feelings should be acknowledged. We should not be marginalized and overlooked, and we need to speak up, because if we don’t, people will continue to call Jin mom/wife/princess. Stop misrepresenting Jin’s personality; stereotyping him; being hypocritical about how you chose to interpret Jin’s relationships/personality as mom/wife/princess when you wouldn’t have done the same with another member; and limiting how we view Jin’s interactions and relationship with the members.

Side note: English is not my first language, so I’m sorry if I didn’t articulate myself well enough. I made a post about this before, but this one is much more organized, and I added several points.

3

Alright, HERE we go! Awhile ago I had an idea for a MP100/Voltron crossover, and after mentioning it to @x-i-l-verify​ and loooots of brainstorming later, we have…*gestures vaguely* this. These are more or less screenshot redraws just to kind of get across who is who. :) More info, reasonings and musings under the cut, because well…it got long…

Keep reading

i have too many feelings about michelle jones so here have headcanons and peter x michelle

this was obnoxiously long because i have no control so lots of stuff is under the cut and it became very fic-like at the end there, whoops. 

one (THIS ONE!) | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

  • so michelle moved with her family to new york when she started high school
  • and mj was actually pretty sad to leave her friends back in chicago because it had taken a long time to make those friends and she always feels awkward around new people
  • so she isn’t very happy about The Move
  • she comes from a loving family
  • like, she gets kissed every night before she goes to bed, her parents read her bedtime stories until she was ten, she used to wear matching outfits with her mother, family movie nights were every friday
  • her parents were really good to her for the most part and just loved and supported her
  • they’re also pretty smart and since mj has pretty much always been inspired by them so intelligence and the acquisition of knowledge is really important to her
  • hence reading and academic decathlon, but she’s also into math and science too because she’s very driven and doesn’t have that many friends in new york so what else is she gonna do?
  • and her parents are an interracial couple and they’ve encountered a lot of hate and mj was always so sad when she walked out with her mother and people would give them weird looks
  • so she’s tried to end hate whenever she can and fights to give a voice to those who are silenced
  • but now cue mj going to high school in new york
  • she joins academic decathlon ofc because who do you think she is she lives for this shit
  • and then! there is this little shithead on the team PETER PARKER
  • like who the fuck does this kid think he is
  • answering all these questions, acting like he’s sooo smart just because he happens to know a lot of facts and is really good at physics and speaks spanish really well and also happens to be really dorky and adorable and okay maybe he’s kind of attractive too and maybe mj starts throwing herself more into academic decathlon and possible CONSIDERS joining band but that’s ONLY BECAUSE PETER IS A SHITHEAD AND SHE NEEDS TO SHOW HIM HE ISN’T THE ONLY TALENTED ONE OKAY
  • anyway

Keep reading

So yeah maybe I ran out of questions but you ran out of answers.
where the fuck were you when i was half drowned in a bottle of whiskey just asking for a text back?
where the fuck were you when life crawled under my skin and tore itself out from the inside?
where the fuck were you when I was going through it last November and you said looking at pain this close made you uncomfortable?
where do you get off with telling me I shouldn’t talk to him and that he’s bad and he only cares about one thing when the only goddamn time you were interested in me is when my clothes were off and yours were too
look at this game we played because it never was that to me but you only just now put your cards down so you could hold her fucking hand and
i can’t be mad about it I can’t feel it in my chest like a jolt of electricity i can’t beg for you to come back when you were never even here so
yeah
maybe i ran out of questions
but only when you stopped fucking answering them.
—  so block me again we’re not even friends– lily rain

They call you Magpie, occasionally— Bloodhound more recently— and you like to collect things.

You’ve always been careful about it, of course— learning where, if they exist at all, the lost and founds are, how to stumble across the people around who have the uncanny ability to know everyone and everything that matters to them, the places locals always check for items gone adrift— and you’ve heard strange things about EU, even before you actually arrived. Nothing concrete, nothing substantial, but enough on the forums and ratemyprofessors and hidden in deep corners of the web that you take extra care this time before continuing your finding (and returning, which is, admittedly, more of an entertaining challenge).

So instead of picking up the curiosities or collecting the feathers and bits and baubles, you watch, as you always do, and you’re thorough, as you always are. It takes some months and some seeing things you perhaps shouldn’t have and some time spent imagining solutions you likely couldn’t spare, but when all is said and done you think you’re ready to begin.

When you take the feathers, you leave behind piles of birdseed (your cockatiel’s favorite, and millet too when the plumage is especially colorful). When you find bottle caps, you bring them to the fountain and throw them in the highest tier; for the koi in the pond and their gasping mouths, you bring stories (words, the important thing is the words) whispered in the dead of night and shut up in the pretty green bottles left for you on the sidewalk. You find marbles in your pockets, bright as bubbles catching the sun, and make earrings out of them using the delicate wire you’re given every time you leave interestingly-shaped driftwood in that hole beside the dumpster (the earrings you keep, and sometimes give away to classmates worried about getting caught (or getting Caught, depending) in the rain). You give poetry and songs (whatever’s in your head, be it Bon Jovi for a week, the lines of that play you’re struggling with, or the rhymes that occasionally overtake your thoughts) to the crows and the trees and they give you nothing, but nor do they take.

The squirrels you know better than to deal with. A senior warned you (indirectly, eyes straight ahead as you both walked along), and when you accidentally leave your doodle notebook under the tree, you are left shaking pine needles out of your hair for weeks (it does smell nice, to be fair).

You never take found things without giving in return, and never give without expecting to leave empty-handed. It is a kindness, all of it, and you treasure the thanks you get (you do not always get thanked, and you do not mind).

With the lost things, you tread more carefully. You peek at them from the corner of your eye and wait a day (sometimes two, sometimes three, depending on how hard it is to only cast a glance) in order to see if the item is claimed; eventually (reluctantly, sometimes, but you do know how to help lost things find their homes, and you don’t want to leave them), you pick them up.

If it’s made of anything shiny, you leave it by the crows, rattling off as many interwoven lines of poetry you can cobble together about guarding and glittering, returning and finding, dropping off folded tinfoil sculptures as well (the crows have never given you anything back, but nor has anything been taken, and so you figure it’s fair they keep whatever they feel they’re owed). Though you only intend for them to keep watch and draw attention (whenever something pretty is misplaced, everyone looks at them), you begin to leave them your little aluminum figures whenever you catch wind of anything (or anyone) disappearing as a good luck charm, fond of how they watch and listen and protect what’s them and theirs. It is meant to be an idiosyncrasy, but you start to notice that they gather around the places those lost things turn up. You don’t give thanks and you pick up no more of their feathers than usual. When something is returned you make sure those involved discover a sudden and temporary interest in reading classic poems aloud.

When it’s anything that seems personal (or urgent), you hunt It down; a sigil that looks like an abstract swirl or perhaps an eye or perhaps a hand. Usually someone’s wearing it, frequently it’s purple, and always it’s on the softest-looking piece of fabric around; you drop the item nearby, wrapped in pairs of the warmest socks you can get on short notice, and grin before moving along. After the third time, when you get pins and needles walking away, you also start folding paper flowers out of the lists you keep of what you pick up where (and, if applicable, what you left in return). You leave those stuffed inside the socks, and notice that in certain places nothing turns up anymore (you do not blame It for being more skilled than you).

When it’s just an ordinary lost thing, you bury it, and leave a circle of pebbles above; later, you place a crow’s feather in the middle as well. You check back in a week and usually it’s gone. If it’s still there in two, you put it in the school’s lost and found, and at that point, more often than not, you later end up discovering it in your room.

You begin to get a reputation.

You hope, perhaps (probably) vainly, that it will do you no harm, and that you will not become one of the lost things you are so fond of.

You do what you can to keep safe; you owe no one a thing, and there are quite a few that owe you (and owe you very much).

You like to collect things, but you don’t collect debts. You do much freely, and you find value in kindnesses, but you value yourself, of course, most of all.

You hope you will not become lost, one way or another. You try to remember that, before, your help was freely given and the debts you were owed forgiven more often than not. You hope your (what-started-out-as-)innocent hobby will do you no harm.

You begin to get a reputation.

x

How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*

i. domesticity

I drink milk every day because my doctor says I need it to grow. Kind of like I need this calcium rush in order to make my bones stronger so I stop cracking them so easily. Preventing them from ever reverting to the weak, knobbly knees of last summer when a boy I had a crush on. Had a crush on, crushed me. Like a pulp. Into grains. Like a spoon grinding up soggy cereal swimming at the bottom of a bowl. I wake up in the middle of the night, remembering I didn’t drink 3 glasses today, and run to the refrigerator in my socks and chug it straight from the gallon, barbaric and yearning like a schoolgirl hitching her skirt up too high, and picture the white flowing through my veins. Softening me. Rounding me out. Giving me curves. I get a brain freeze instead and pray I’ll stop crying over spills and that I can sleep with this cold lurching in my stomach.

ii. vicinity

Maybe one day my hair will stop being so limp in the heat, but I don’t think that kind of thing can be anticipated, so I just have to wait. Girls like me live in the back of an un-air-conditioned convenience store, ratty sweatpants, tight tank tops, and crawl out with week-old receipts bursting from their pockets. Like glued ribcage kind of girls, like elastic hair tie, red marks around the wrist kind of girls. The cashier doesn’t mind when I snag a magazine from the rack and browse through it without paying because no matter how hard I try, I end up looking pre-pubescent anyway. And they let things slide. For a girl like me, at least. I’m saying, lopsided bun, wide eyes, a mouthful of crooked teeth, stars pulling them into their places, I was always too scared to get braces. The cover has some headline about how to enlarge your breasts naturally, which I think might be useful, and another about how to communicate effectively with others without saying hurtful things, which makes me laugh. I flip to the back to check my horoscope and eat that prophetic, adolescent shit catered to the teenage soul up like Eucharist laid under the tongue. Swallow down a spoonful of March’s: “Prepare to face some stress this month, but that’s okay! You’ll be able to get through it and find time to relax.” I want to rip out the page and shove it into my bra, like keeping these soft, meaningless words close to my chest will make them seep into my heart and change me. Stop making me think so much, fill my brain up with Arizona tea and static instead. But I’m cheap, and I shove the magazine back. I think my chest will stay flat forever.

iii. mobilization

I seek healing. Mending. I’m fingernails deep, sitting in the back of a subway at 3 a.m., pressing crescent moons into the leather seat, trying to dig up salvation. You can’t find that here, you can’t find that in the cracks between the tiles, you can’t find comfort in the ground up cigarette butt stamped into the floor. I’m wishing against this fogged up glass I could say anything, anything that would make sense for once, so someone could help me. Like please, my mind is bending in backwards, like please, I don’t think this underdeveloped chest can take any more of this resentment or it’s going to explode through my ribcage, out of my flesh, like please, I don’t want to hurt anymore. And it’s not my fault that I launch myself around like I’m in some sick little competition, pretending I don’t care, like I’m having the time of my life. Of course I’m not, of course I’m not, I don’t think having your hands shake and your brain go fuzzy whenever you think a little too much is fun, something to be documented for the world to see. I guess I’m different from other people that way, I’d rather people think I’m having a good time than actually have one without anyone knowing. I wish I knew how to sew, so I could stitch up my fibrillating heart, no matter how sloppy and crooked, but the needle jabs my finger as the subway lurches left, and I bleed, I bleed, I bleed.

iv. unearthliness

My mom told me not to walk naked in front of the altar. Disrespectful, she called it, and even though I agree, sometimes I test my divinity and emerge from the bathroom, the steam from the shower wafting off smoke like the incense in its pot. Young god, skin tinted green from fake gold. Young god, empty stomach, fruit scooped out of its rind, leaving me seedless. This hatred has roots, and I don’t know whether I want to dig out my insides with my hands or fill myself up until I’m close to bursting. I let people think the scratches on my knees are from a night of alcohol and a boy tugging my hair. Of course, it’s that and not child worship on a scratchy rug, not begging for forgiveness, not praying for glamour and glory, not hoping for. Of course it’s not hoping for something better.

—  this pain lasts in every location
What it's like falling for the sign
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b></b> (Check the persons sun or Venus you are falling for. If you check your own, that shows how the person who's falling for you feels like.)<p/><b>Aries:</b> You crave for closeness with them. You beg for them not to leave. It's hard to tell them tho, cause whenever you are with them, you forget what you were planning to say. Their presence makes you live in the moment. Falling for an Aries is like spending New Year's eve every day.<p/><b>Taurus:</b> "Oh shit I like them." Falling for a Taurus messes you up. You find yourself defending them. Having eye contact with them makes you calm and gives you hope. It would seem so easy to just make them be with you, but because they are so sweet you just do anything to make them happy. It really feels like Valentine's day to crush on them.<p/><b>Gemini:</b> You know they are a little shit and you like it. They make you feel a little spark every time you see them. Their smirk is your daydream. Seeing them walk away hurts your heart so bad. Surprisingly seeing them somewhere lights your happiness and excites you. Falling for a Gemini feels like the last week of school.<p/><b>Cancer:</b> You always find yourself wondering how come didn't you fall for them earlier. How could you not notice all these cute things in them. Every day you find something new to love in them. You wanna take care of them and share your live with them. You'd give them the moon. Falling for a Cancer is comforting. A good night's rest after a long day.<p/><b>Leo:</b> You knew they were beautiful, but when you fall, oh how can they shine so bright. You find yourself looking at them the way you've never looked at anyone else. You'd give them anything if they asked. Making them sad is your biggest fear. You want to be the wall they can lean on. You want their approval. The feeling you have when falling for a Leo is the same when having a romantic dinner.<p/><b>Virgo:</b> You would be the happiest person on earth, if you could just spend time with them. Being somewhere with them and getting to watch them live feels like an ultimate prize. Their laugh is your lullaby. Their touch would make you fel so accepted. You wanna be the thing for them to study and make them let you learn about them. Falling for a Virgo feels like a privilege.<p/><b>Libra:</b> It feels so sweet falling for them. You want to drown yourself in false hope. You do everything to brighten their days, but they don't notice. It's frustarating, but they give you the most to daydream about. If they looked you in the eye, your heart would stop. Your days feel like Christmas parties.<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> Falling for a Scorpio is so intense. You would throw yourself out there for them any time. Their touch makes you feel so wanted. You could just stand there and admire them for days. Kissing those lips is what you dream every time. The way they look at you makes you wanna do crazy things. It feels like being a voodoo doll when you fall for a Scorpio.<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> It feels like they put a spell on you and are now acting all innocent about it. Their charm caught you and now you are trying to understand what should you do. It's frustarating, not knowing how they react to anything. You try to show them how much you care, but you don't know if they understand. Falling for a Sagittarius is like talking to someone behind a wall.<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> They seem so cute. Too cute. You can't handle their cuteness anymore. All their feelings are hidden and you are trying to find them. It feels like they are calling for you and running away from you at the same time. You try to let them know, but they seem to ignore or misunderstand everything you say. It's like playing hide and seek with someone who's so much better at it than you.<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> They seemed like so much trouble and still you fell. You let them take you. It feels pretty lonely to like an Aquarius. World makes less sense. Falling for an Aquarius feels like following them into a labyrinth and being left behind. Aquarius' happiness is the thing you crave for, so it doesn't matter to you.<p/><b>Pisces:</b> When you fall for a Pisces, you don't care about the flaws you are seeing when you get to know them. Even with their flaws they seem so flawless. Making a Pisces smile feels like such an achievement, even if it's not that hard. You just wanna sit there and watch them be happy. Falling for a Pisces feels like watching a child learn.<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
Its Tough To Be A God

So, we were traveling through a swamp one time, an Elf Ranger, Half-Elf Druid, Half-Elf Bard, and Draconic-blooded Human Bard, and we all get ambushed by these giant insects and a talking, barnacle infested crocodile. He’s all like, “You DARE trapse about in my territory?? I. am. a. GOD! And I SHALL EAT YOU ALL”

An epic battle ensues, ending with the Druid disemboweling the croc to rescue this Murloc they’d witnessed get eaten. (Its not actually a Murloc, but it looks like one, and I can’t think of anything else) That Murloc stumbles out and declares: “You have killed our god, Floopdoogal! All hail new Floopdoogal!” And a whole bunch of others come pouring out of the woods, hailing the Druid.

The Druid, disturbed, is like, “How do we get rid of these guys?”

The Elfy Bard: “I could pretend to stab you??”

Druid: “Yeah, but then you’d be cursed.”

Ranger: “But they’re so useful?? We could use them as bait.”

Draconic Bard:  "Or meat shields!“

Druid:  Sigh “Let’s see if we can get this lifted somewhere.”

________________________________________

Cut to sometime later. The Murlocs are back, of course, and someone happens to notice barnacles growing out of the Druid’s skin.

Druid: “No, no, no, no, no. Can someone just kill me? Literally, kill me, I don’t even care right now.”

The DM is obviously having way too much fun with this.

________________________________________

Cut to us exploring this sunken fort. After someone opened a chest, the DM rolled the dice and smiled cruelly. In the middle of the Druid speaking, her eyes start bulging out of her head and pop out on stalks, granting a bonus to perception checks even as the others look on in horror.

The Druid just sighed, reached for her scabbard, and started drawing her scimitar, turning the blade to her neck while the Elfy Bard tugged her arm down.

________________________________________

The curse did get lifted, eventually, and there was much rejoicing.

Druid OOC: I’m not a god anymore??? FUCK YEAH

“You’re Giving Up On Us?”

A/N: hi, everyone! sorry i haven’t uploaded in a while. school has been keeping me more than busy lately! 

warnings: this is angsty (i think) ??

requested: @pxrrishly

thank you for requesting! i hope you enjoy it x

word count: 2,474

Originally posted by 2tiedships2

Y/N knew what she was getting into when she first started dating Harry. She knew that his job would often take him away from her, whether it was because he had to go on tour or due to late hours at the studio. She could take that. I mean, both Y/N and Harry were doing a pretty good job so far. A long distance-relationship wasn’t going to fail them, now. Right?

Harry had been on tour with the boys countless times before and it never really got in their way. But all because they compromised. 

Compromise.

Had it depended on the occurrence in which both of them would sacrifice bits and bits of their days now, Y/N would’ve forgotten what the word means long ago.

At late hours like these, in the dead of night, when she’s lying wide awake in bed, are the best timing for her thoughts to creep in, and as much as she doesn’t want them roaming around her head, they already settled a home up in there.

She reminisces the times when they’d both stay awake longer than usual — or wake up earlier than supposed to — just so they could talk and see each other as much as possible through video-calls. She reminisces the times when she hadn’t a worry in the world about where their relationship was leading to. She reminisces the times when it still felt like he was putting effort into communicating and contacting her while he was away, just as much as she was. But most importantly, she reminisces the times when she still felt like he was there with her, no matter how far he actually was.

But now that Y/N looks back at how it used to be and where they are now, she can’t help but feel as though someone just ripped her heart open and out of her chest.

The frequent and recurrent calls and texts here and there during her day began to become scarce when compared to the early days in their relationship. Texts that were always replied to, once he had the chance to write back a quick response, turned into hers always being the last sent and with the ‘Read’ tag underneath. What once was a continual exchange of ‘i love you’s barely happened anymore. Perhaps because they forgot or simply didn’t have the time to do so.

And eventually, he almost completely stopped trying to reach out to her. And when he did, it’d often be just a text telling her how busy he was and how he wouldn’t be able to talk to her later on in the day. He was tired. And so was she. For different reasons, of course. Clearly, he wasn’t aware of how much this whole situation was taking a toll on her.

However, it wasn’t as severe as it sounds. It’s not as if he completely forgot about her existence. He loved her too. He really did. But the pressure and hard-work mixed together wasn’t exactly the best combination, sometimes — specially at times like these. Harry knew this wasn’t an excuse because as much as people claim to be too busy or too tired for something — or someone —, they can always make time for them if the effort is really there. He’d talk to her whenever he found the chance to but, somehow, it just wasn’t enough.

For instance, she never cared about how tired she felt. As much as she needed to practically hibernate due to all the pressure and stress her work was putting her through, she’d always wait up for him to call her, just so they could see each other’s faces and share even if just a few words. She waited. She was trying. And as much as she wished to admit Harry was trying too, the only response she got from him were simple and very direct texts explaining how he wouldn’t be able to FaceTime her tonight.

Y/N missed him. And she couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had given up on them. For what other reasons would he practically stop trying altogether?

Harry had been on tour for almost a year now and she felt like she couldn’t take it anymore.

Y/N loved him. She really did. But how was she supposed to carry on with their relationship if the effort he once put into it was long gone? Sure, they’d still Skype each other occasionally, but the distance —both physical and emotional— was too much for her.

Video-calls that used to last around 2 hours — all because the two of them wished to cherish as much as they could whenever they had the chance to see the other — turned into 15-minute chats. Comfortable silences that was once part of their relationship turned into nerve-wrecking silences for her — the thoughts and ways of how she’d break the silence were all her mind surrounded with. And with vague words exchanged here and there, they’d quickly end the call and retreat themselves back to bed.

Y/N was never one to demand the presence and affection of her boyfriend every living minute of their day, but she needed something back from him. She couldn’t be the only one trying and willing to make things work. She just wanted to feel him close whenever she had the chance.

The tension between the two of them was undeniable. And as much as Y/N tried to understand what had changed so abruptly, she couldn’t find any answers. They had just become… distant. It’s not as if they had been arguing or fighting lately, or having silly disagreements. It wasn’t any of that. And she wasn’t sure what it was, but the fact that things just suddenly and unexpectedly changed without a proper reason or cause, made this situation even sadder for her.

For some odd reason, the freedom she once felt to share everything with him was now almost non-existent. Y/N knew she could but she didn’t know how to. And that’s how she figured he felt too. Harry eventually caught up onto her change of demeanour towards him and even though he was apprehensive to ask her if she was okay, he still did, gladly. (Un)fortunately — he really couldn’t tell —, she always replied with the same words, telling him that ‘yeah, just stressed with work s’all’, or ‘I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?’, and brush it off with a small laugh. They never sounded honest for him though, and he never pressed on those answers because if something was wrong, she’d let him now… Right?

Harry didn’t want it to be true but he thought that he knew the answer to the ‘why wouldn’t I be okay?’ Y/N always pulled on him. He was well aware that they were distant and even awkward around each other at this point and he absolutely hated it. Harry knew she was not okay and he had a feeling that it was partly his fault. But he couldn’t know if she didn’t talk to him. Was he supposed to just brush it off or second-guess each time she said it?

It was bound to happen that her walls would cave down on her eventually—she just hoped it would have taken longer than this.

“Hello, love”, Harry greeted as soon as she answered his Skype call. She looked exhausted.

“Hey”, Y/N returned simply, not making direct eye-contact with him.

“Everything okay? You okay, love?”, he tentatively asked her, hoping for a real answer this time.

“’course I am. Why wouldn’t I b-”, she was immediately cut off.

“Love-”, he sighed. “Y/N… C’mon, talk to me. What’s in your mind? You don’t seem okay”. Harry was hopeful she’d give him something this time. After all, hope was all he had left.

“Harry- I don’-”, she let out a huff. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“But you know it’s not healthy to bottle up emotions, love. I’m here for you, you know that, don’t you?”

“No. Harry. I don't”, Y/N snapped.

“What? I’m always here for you-”

“Now, is that true, Harry?!”, she cut him off. She couldn’t keep her facade up for much longer. “You barely call or text me anymore! And I get to see you, what?! Once a week through a computer screen?! You don’t even put effort into us anymore! How would I be okay knowing you’re giving up on this relationship?! Tell me!”, Y/N was agitated to the extreme right now; her voice was loud and her cheeks were flushing up a bit—something that happened when she felt uneasy. She just wanted him to understand her side of the story. He might’ve been oblivious to it but she needed him to understand.

“Hey, hey, hey, now! Don’ put all the blame on me! You know damn well that I’m tired too! Sorry if I can’t exactly be right there at this moment to kiss your feet, princess! You know how my job works!”, Harry shot back. He might’ve felt bad and guilty when she started talking but after she accused him of such things, he wasn’t going to have it.

“You’re not denying it. God, I’m so stupid…”. Having a bad thought is something, but having someone somewhat confirm it goes to a whole new level. Harry wasn’t denying it. He was, indeed, giving up on them. Y/N’s mind was racing as she received what she thought was her reality-check.

“Y/N…”, he was strangely calm this time. Something was definitely up.

“Oh, so now you’ve got something to say?!”, she spat at him once again and if he was just previously coming down to his senses again, he wasn’t anymore. Her attitude was getting straight to his nerves.

“You know what? Just go straight to the point, yeah? I know what you’re doing here. Might as well just rush things up, no? I got better things to do…”

“Wow, Harry. Wow, really?! You don’t think that discussing this relationship is important?”, Y/N incredulously asked him, not waiting for a response.

“I didn’t say tha-”

“Well, you didn’t have to. I might just do you a favor and rush things up for you, yeah?!”, she huffed, mocking his previous words. “I can’t do this with you anymore. Clearly, you don’t give a shit about this so I might as well just end it, yeah?”. Y/N’s voice was slightly shaky but she managed to cover it up with a cough. She wasn’t sure if she had exploded way too suddenly and quickly in the course of their conversation but this was the least of her problems right now. She was literally breaking up with him.

“So you’re breaking up with me?!”. It was Harry’s turn to be stunned now. “You said I was the one giving up on us, but look at you now! Are we really not worth the fight for you?!”

“Oh, don’t put this all on me, Harry! You know damn right you gave up on us long ago! I’m just doing us both a favor ending this vicious cycle we’re in!” Y/N yelled, following with a sniffle and a sudden change in the room. It was quiet. None of them dared to say anything else at this moment. She had tears pricking at her eyes, begging to run free across her cheeks — but she wasn’t going to allow them. At least not now.

Vicious cycle? Is that really what you think this is- is that really what you thing we are? This could be nothing but a rough patch for all we know and you’re literally just throwing it all away?!”, Harry couldn’t believe the words he just came in contact with. How dare she say that?

“You know what?! I’m done arguing. Goodbye, Harry. I hope you have a great life!”

And just like that, Y/N ended the call and as much as Harry tried to be fast enough to stop her, his screen went blank and she was gone.

Right after she shut her laptop close, she broke into sobs. Did she make the right choice? Was there any chance left for them?

It wasn’t exactly an easy breakup — if you could even call it that. Y/N was aware of the words exchanged just now but she didn’t really feel as though as they were broken up. I mean, it’s Harry we’re talking about here. They’ve been together for the past two years and their relationship literally ended through a video-call.

It just didn’t seem… real. None of them got any closure. She literally shut the argument close, leaving both herself and Harry as confused as they could be.

Y/N knew what she was bound to do the next few days: grieve their relationship. Saying she was happy throughout their journey together was at least minimizing it all down to one word. There was no way she could describe what their love and connection felt like.

Both of them said things they didn’t mean. But was it worth going back on her words and apolozing? The pain that was unintentionally inflicted on her due to the distance and lack of contact with Harry was enough to bring her mind right back to where it was, in the first place. But, isn’t small contact better than none?

She was so stunned by the episode that just occurred that she didn’t even think about how Harry was feeling right now. Was he happy? Relieved that they were done? Sad? Shaken up?

And that’s how her next few days were spent: with her battling against her mind to give her some peace and with questions practically swimming around her mind — questions to which she had no intentions to finding the answers to.

Whenever, Y/N finds herself in hard situations, like a breakup, for example, she likes to be alone. She simply felt utterly lost and helpless — even though there was nothing simple about these two emotions.

She had to face the fact that she was now on her own and figure out a way to overcome Harry and hers breakup. Y/N had never loved someone as much as she did him and moving on would be complicated and perhaps even challenging. Might as well try to start now already, no?

Her trace of thought was immediately interrupted by a loud knock at her door, making Y/N huff in annoyance and get up from her lying position on the couch.

As she was making her way to the door, the person she missed most spoke on the other side of it, making her halt every movement she had — including her breathing.

“Y/N, love, please open up?”

part 2? yes? no? let me know! x

thank you for reading x

Masterlist

Why doesnt SOMEONE do something aobut ALL THESE FUCKING BOTS ON social MEDIA ???????????????
  • Co-Worker: *internally* The new guy is so cool. Well, I guess he's not the new guy anymore because he has been working here for months now, but he's still great. I look up to him so much. He's funny, and outgoing. He even gave me a cute nickname. He never recognizes my affection for him, but I think today is the day. Today is the day he'll realize how cool and cute I am.
  • Co-Worker: H-Hi!
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Do you like music?
  • New Guy: Yeah, I mean everyone likes music. Kinda weird if you don't. You're friends with that rep, right?
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: You know, the mopey one. Dark hair. Does she like me?
  • Co-Worker: Everyone likes you. I like you.
  • New Guy: Yeah, but that rep. That rep doesn't talk to me.
  • Co-Worker: I'm sure she likes you. You're so cool and kind and... uh, Britney Spears followed me on twitter!
  • New Guy: Whoa, what!? Britney Spears!? You're fucking joking!
  • Co-Worker: I'm serious. I guess, I'm really cool now. Hahahahahahahaha.
  • New Guy: Lemme see.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: Lemme see your phone. I wanna see Britney following you. Can you like DM her?
  • Co-Worker: You're not allowed to take your phone out at work.
  • New Guy: Come on, no one cares.
  • Co-Worker: Uh, here you go, I guess. *hands new guy her phone*
  • New Guy: *checks twitter* ...This is a bot.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: It's not the real Britney Spears, this is very obviously a bot.
  • Co-Worker: No, it's totally her. How can you even tell?
  • New Guy: First off, she only has two followers. One of which is you and the other is another Britney Spears bot. Secondly, her twitter name is Brittany Spear. Third, all of her posts are about discount fishing rods.
  • Co-Worker: Oh... I guess I didn't notice.
  • New Guy: You're fucking with me aren't you?
  • Co-Worker: *sweats* Sure, yeah.
  • New Guy: *laughs* I love you, braids. You're funny as shit.
  • Co-Worker: You love me!?
  • New Guy: Yeah, as a minor work acquaintance. Hey, if you talk to that rep later on, tell her to hit me up some time.
  • Co-Worker: Sure... yeah.
  • *later*
  • Co-Worker: *checking phone* It can't be a bot. It's definitely not a bot. Why would a Britney Spears bot follow me. I'm not even interested in fishing. It has to be the real Britney. *DMs the bot* Hey, hello Britney.
  • Brittany Spear: hi what're up :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney, I knew you were real!
  • Brittany Spear: lol hey ! :) :P
  • Co-Worker: Britney, you have to prove to this guy at my job that you're real. He's so cute and I love him so much and I want him to notice me.
  • Brittany Spear: wow hey did you kno that u can decrease you're morrtgrage rate by up to 20% check it out at www.extra.savings.ca/riwuWqoaQ/ref/100200
  • Co-Worker: Britney, this is serious.
  • Brittany Spear: Hi :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Brittany Spear: do U want boys to like U 🤔
  • Co-Worker: Yes, Britney! Show me the way!
  • Brittany Spear: is verry easy just follow this link and find your way https://find.your.way.jp/4wfwf42435753g$single/trinity/
  • Co-Worker: *clicks link*
  • Co-Worker: *pupils dilate*
  • *later*
  • New Guy: *working halfheartedly*
  • Co-Worker: *stumbles into new guy's cubicle* Greeting.
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Does your like fishing?
  • New Guy: Nah. Never been much of an outdoorsman unless it involves extreme sports.
  • Co-Worker: Cooooooool. Go to www DOT amazone DOT co DOT de FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH yourdiscountnow FORWARDSLASH for 90% discount code on premium fishing rods.
  • New Guy: You alright, braids? You sound kinda complete weird, and your eyes are a little completely black.
  • Co-Worker: Actavis, sizzurup, lean, drank. I've low prices completely legal real prescription email me at colombiaeastdrugstore AT gmail.com w FORWARDSLASH offers 100% secure line. Encrypted currencies accepted: BTC, Dogecoin.
  • New Guy: Uh... yeah. *leads co-worker out of his cubicle* I'm kinda completely busy at the moment. So I'll talk to you later braids. You should probably get back to work too.
  • Co-Worker: Been rejected? I can help you. Popular girls are on hand to chat 24/7 with advice at www DOT ez DASH chat DOT co DOT nz FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH res575929682
  • *later*
  • Brittany Spear: *tweets* Why is it so dark? Why am I so numb?

anonymous asked:

I just want to say that yours headcanons and interactions with everyone here just crack me up so fcking much, honestly, you guys are a true blessing. And, if it's okay, could I request the RFA+V+ Saeran falling hard for MC but they just don't notice, like, at all, and, God help them, they are trying their very best, what the actual fuck MC (it's okay if you don't wanna do the request, I hope you guys have a great day!)

A/N: omg you’re such a cutie thank you <3 ヾ(´▽`*;)ゝ”and did you mean like mc doesnt notice that they’re completely in love with them??? (soRRY im so exhausted lmao) but dude i’m completely mc in that case ripperoni  ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG:

               - I thought…losing his eye was like… enough to show how much he cares about you

               -He’s always making you food and snacks in cute little shapes (especially hearts)

               -When the two of you play LOLOL he’s always giving you the best loot and diving in front of your character to make sure you don’t die

               -Always joining new clubs that either you’re in, or they cover a topic you’re interested in

               -That way, he can spend more time with you and enjoy some of the same things!

               -Not to mention it he actually really enjoys it all and learns something new about you every time

               -He’s even managed to hug you close for long periods of time without turning red or stuttering!

               -But you still! Don’t! See it!

               -You always think he’s just being really nice and a great friend! Sure you secretly like him but you don’t want to ruin the friendship if he doesn’t like you back!

               -Saeyoung’s made it his personal mission to get the two of you together because Yoosung just won’t take initiative and you’re just oblivious as hell

*ZEN:

               -He’s always hanging off of you, how are you not even suspicious?

               -Always has an arm around you, hand on your shoulder, even on your knee when the two of you are sitting

               -For fucks sake MC, he kisses your cheek and holds your hand when the two of you walk anywhere are you DENSE??

               -Always bringing you flowers, chocolates, you name it

               -HE EVEN MAKES UP SONGS TO SING TO YOU

               -He’s so dramatic about everything. Every time you don’t react to his romantic gesture, he’s practically throwing himself to the floor in a sobbing fit

               -He’s even held you by the shoulders, looked you in the eyes, and told you how much he really likes you

               -You just responded with a tilt of your head, innocently asking, “Like…. you like-like me?”

               - hoW HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED BY NOW?????

               -EVEN AFTER THAT, YOU’RE STILL OBLIVIOUS. MC, why. Just, why. He loves you but wOW

*JAEHEE:

               -She’s not exactly surprised that you don’t realize her feelings

               -More subtle with her emotions than the rest of them

               - even jumin is more open about his feelings for you, who would have guessed

               -She’s always inviting you to attend new cafes, or to show you her favourite ones!

               -Also makes you a lot of coffee/tea and cakes!

               -The two of you spend a lot of time discussing books the two of you have read, and theorize about those that abruptly ended

               -Always looking you straight in the eyes, smiling, and will constantly turn a light shade of red

               -But you don’t get it?? Is she getting a fever? Is it even hot enough in here to make her red like that? Is she alright?

               -You’re always putting your hands on her cheeks, trying to see if she’s ill and it just makes her blush 10x more

               -Dammit MC she’s gonna pass out at this rate, get your hands off of her, just notice that she likes you so the two of you can cuddle and she can get over turning as red as she does!

*JUMIN:

               -You’d think it’d be really obvious

               -I mean the man has next to no emotions but when you come around he’s practically a puddle on the floor- how in the world don’t you notice?

               -Always making sure you’re comfortable with anything the two of you do

               -If he invites you to lunch and you don’t like the restaurant, he’ll cancel his reservations and find a new place immediately

               -AND HE DOES EVERYTHING HIMSELF. Not once does he ask Jaehee or another employee of his to set up plans or grab something for you

               -Listens to your opinion more than anyone else’s. He’ll take it to heart and do whatever you suggested (that is if it isn’t drastic)

               -HE LETS YOU PICK UP ELIZABETH? CUDDLE WITH HER? GIVE HER KISSES? DOESN’T THAT TELL YOU HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU??

               -The dude tried to move you into his house almost immediately, seriously MC how can you not tell

               -Completely showers you in gifts all the time. If you aren’t there to physically receive them, he’s telling you what he got you and sends you pictures

               -He thinks it’s absolutely adorable that you have no idea, but at the same time it lowkey drives him crazy because he juST WANTS TO KISS YOU, MC. PLEASE. JUST, P L E A S E

 

*SAEYOUNG:

               -This lil brat tries to hide that he’s completely in love with you until he just can’t take it anymore

               -Come on he’s built you Robo-cat, gone over personally to protect you, and a lot more, what do you waNT FROM HIM

               -Sends you memes in the middle of the night because he thinks you’ll find them funny

               -Calls you at night just to talk until he can hear you fall asleep on the other end of the phone

               -He’s also buying you a lot of little things because he thought of you when he saw it, and couldn’t bring himself to just leave it

               -You’re the only one he’ll let drive his babies. HIS. BABIES. MC, COME ON

               -Always looking at you like a love-sick puppy. Whenever you do something completely adorable he gets as red as his hair

               -He’ll lightly brush his hand against yours when the two of you are walking close together, and watch to see if he can actually grab your hand

               -Gives you the Flynn Rider smoulder more times than you can count but all you do is giggle because it’s your favourite movie. Your giggle is like heaven but MC whY CAN’T YOU SEE HE LIKES YOU

               -HE EVEN SINGS THE LITTLE MERMAID SONG “KISS THE GIRL”(or he changes the lyrics to boy, depending) TO GET THE POINT ACROSS BUT ALL YOU DO IS JUMP IN ON HIS MUSICAL NUMBER. One day MC, one day.

*V:

               -He’s gentle with everyone, but you??

               -Well, he’s gentle but he plays around a LOT more

               -Playfully pushes you, pinches your cheeks, he even does gross shit like lick your cheek okay but i do the same

               -Leans close to you all the time. When the two of you talk, he’s leaning into you, staring into your eyes

               -Y'all even spend the night at each other’s houses watching movies or just talking about life

               -How the hell can you not tell that this giraffe loves you??

               -Always taking beautiful photos of you! Well…almost always

               -His favourite photo album is full of pictures of you being goofy, and packed which terrible candid’s of you, but he lOVES THEM SO MUCH MC LOOK AT HOW AMAZING YOU ARE

               -He plans trips for just the two of you so he can take pictures and you can see the sights! Takes you to romantic dinners! Y'all even go to festivals and carnivals together.

               -He’s always holding your hand because he doesn’t want to lose you in a crowd. Or that’s what you think. In reality he just wants to hold your hand; MC please he’s so cute just kiss him already

*SAERAN:

               -He just plain sucks at sharing emotions

               -But he thought he was pretty obvious?

               -Like there are times that you’re the only one he’ll even acknowledge? That’s pretty self-explanatory there MC

               -He takes you out for ice cream all the time, walks around town, whatever you want. He hates people, he doesn’t willingly go out for that. Unless you want to

               -Always invites you over to just hang out and play some games, watch some movies, or sometimes just to nap

               -Even asks you to teach him how to cook/bake, so he can spend a lot more time with you!

               -Sometimes you give him this dazzling smile that just makes his heart flutter and he can’t even look at you

               -You also like to hug him and he practically passes out every time. It scares you a little bit because you can’t figure out why?? Is he okay??? Are you dead??

               -But he steps out of his comfort zone and hugs you back?? You’re so happy and you absolutely love it! You think that maybe he’s finally becoming more social! You have no idea that he only hugs you because??? It’s you

               -Please just admit you like this man so he can get comfortable MC, he’s too awkward to ask you out himself

AntiSepticEye: Explained

Alright, I’m going to sit down and clear up anything and everything I can think of about Anti right now, so I don’t end up random-spamming for no reason and hitting my post limit again. This is going to be long, but I want people to read it, so hang tight. 

What do we know about AntiSepticEye?

- He is an entity that shares a body with JackSepticEye.
- He has proclaimed his purpose is to take over Jack’s channel.
- He was named by the community, not by himself.
- He alludes to drawing power from the community noticing him.
- He has taken over Jack three times now.
- Each time has been slightly different, for different reasons.
- Each time, he has taken over something new that belongs to Jack.
- He has knowledge of, and interacts with, at least one of Jack’s other Egos. (Doctor Schneeplestein)
- Doctor Schneeplestein, and himself, have both alluded to him being an outside entity that gets inside a person’s brain to take control.
- Jack, on multiple occasions, has referred to him as a demon.
- He has explicitly stated that he has killed Jack.
- He wears different clothing than Jack; specifically dark green hair, a black tee shirt, and gauges. Occasionally has black eyes or one ‘septic’ eye (green/blue).
- Always has a slit throat.
- Prefers to speak/type in glitched Zalgo text.
- Has associated himself with childrens’ laughter.

So what does this mean? What is AntiSepticEye?

Many have speculated that Anti may in fact be a demon whose sole purpose is to kill Jack and take over his channel. But have you noticed how he acts?

- Giggles almost incessantly.
- Twitches and glitches.
- Smiles almost constantly.
- Makes broad movements, sometimes violently.
- Points a knife at the camera.
- Holds a knife to his own/Jack’s neck.
- Reaches towards the camera.
- Directs all speech towards the camera.
- Whispers in the background.

How he speaks?

- Speaks with confidence, usually in absolutes. It’s all mine. There’s nothing you can do.
- Places blame for his existence on the viewers. This is all your fault. You just watched.
- Talks almost always about Jack. You can’t save him. He’s gone forever.
- Acknowledges social media. They all follow me now.
- Talks about the others (Jack, Schneep, Chase) as if they’re less than he is, but also acknowledges that they’re precious to the audience in a way that he is not.
- Talks about how ‘weak’ Jack is, specifically his body, and how that allowed him to take over.

All of this is attention-grabbing, it’s made explicitly to get us to pay attention to him, to Anti. He does everything in teasing trails, cliffhangers, hints and messages that get everyone talking about him and he seems to love it. But when things go wrong, he gets angry. He gets upset because he’s not receiving the attention he craves.

- I’m tired of pretending.
- How many times must we… keep fooling around? Over and over, fucking circles!
- I’m. In. CONTROL. This is MY world.
- Has become upset enough to actually swear.
- Shows extreme distaste for the mocking name of “Glitch Bitch”.
- Lashes out some with his knife.
- Talks much more grandiose than usual, especially about himself.
- Stresses that he cannot be gotten rid of.
- Thumps his chest, gets closer to the camera to stress that he is the center of attention.
- Sarcastically uses the words ‘favorite boy’ in reference to his next victim, who is slightly unclear at the moment - likely Jack or Chase.

He hates that he has to pretend to be Jack for so long in order to wind up the perfect amount of tension to get everyone involved. He hates that he had to ‘go in circles’, that he had to wind down so that he could explode again. He hates that if he stays, the hype will eventually die. He absolutely hates that people are rooting against him, with their #septicsave tag and theories of how to destroy or get rid of him. He hates that the attention may be on him, but more of it is on his victims. He hates what his hype has become. That’s why he’s upset.

So did Anti kill Jack?

Jack himself said after Say Goodbye that no, Anti did not kill him. This, according to Anti, was him pretending. So you can see why people would be skeptical of the vlog after Kill JackSepticEye stating almost the exact same thing. Anti didn’t kill me.

The thing is, this is a vlog - there is no intro of ‘Top o’ the mornin to ya laddies, my name is JackSepticEye.’ This isn’t Jack. This is Sean. Yes, there is a difference between Sean and Jack, if you think about it he’s ‘in character’ for almost all of his videos. Same for Markiplier, for PewDiePie, for any other gamer that goes by a pseudonym or nickname. They don’t always act the way they do on camera in real life, because they’re playing a character and they’ve become comfortable in that. 

So from this, we can infer that it could technically be possible for Anti to kill Jack. Because Jack is another persona of Sean’s. But did he kill Jack? Well, Schneep stated that he has almost lost Jack once before, and had to save him. We can infer that this incident took place during Say Goodbye, where Anti first took over, and Schneep must have saved Jack just after. In Kill JackSepticEye, though, it’s implied that not only did Anti kill Jack, but he also killed Schneep. We’ve seen, though, that Anti seems to be able to function perfectly well with Jack simply incapacitated. After all, if he hadn’t been killed during Say Goodbye, then what says he was actually killed during Kill JackSepticEye? Again, what Anti does is all for attention. If he really kills Jack, then he can’t ‘kill’ him again at a later date for more hype. Then again, with his frustration, he may have been forced to take drastic measures.

As far as we know, this is a ‘Schneeplestein’s Jack’ equation - Jack is either alive or dead, and we won’t know until Sean or Anti opens the box on us, revealing everything.

You didn’t answer my question. What is AntiSepticEye?

I know, you needed that information first.

It’s implied that Anti is a demon, yes, but what kind of demon? Some have speculated that he’s a Bill Cipher sort of demon, able to make ‘deal with the devil’ sort of trades, and that’s how he killed Chase. We have no evidence for this, but it’s a nice theory if you like angst. Another thought is that he’s not a demon at all but some sort of sentient virus that takes over a brain via the blood and corrupts it. Working off of the virus theory is that he’s able to take over electronics instead, although it doesn’t explain why he’s able to take over Jack’s body. These are all good theories, and mine is just one of them, but I think it has enough merit to warrant a read:

AntiSepticEye is part of Jack. Part of Sean, and his collective of Egos. He always has been. This would make it impossible for him to actually kill Jack without killing a part of himself, thus making his own form weaker. Why does Anti want to kill Jack? Because he wants to take over his channel. Why does he want to take over the channel? Because he wants attention.

But why does he want attention in the first place?

This is something I’m not sure anyone has actually covered, at least not that I’ve seen. Anti’s been constantly referred to as a demon, but if he’s part of Jack, then what does that mean? He’s one of Jack’s demons. His internal ones. In my mind, he’s less of an Ego like Markiplier’s, and more of a Side like Thomas Sanders’. He’s the embodiment of Jack’s greediness, his want for more attention and more views. It’s something that definitely helps him, likely motivates him to make sure he gets videos out and stays on schedule, but when left unchecked it does things like make hype over sudden, unexpected merch.

The thing is, Anti feels frustrated. He feels ignored because he tried so hard to make this happen, to build up to his grand finale of actually killing JackSepticEye, and the community ruined it for him by defending Jack, and Chase, and Schneep, and even the Egos he hadn’t even targeted. They made him upset by using the #septicsave tag, which by a large majority was used to separate him from the rest of the egos– from the rest of himself. It was used to make him seem like an outsider, something other, something evil. They wanted to save the others from him, but they stopped caring about Anti himself.

The first time he surged, everyone was focused entirely on him. They drew fanart, made theories, but it was all about him and that’s what he wanted. He wanted to feel heard and feel like he existed because before then he’d never been noticed. Jack had never put him out there to be noticed. He loved it so much he appeared not too soon after, introducing Jack at PAX East. The results were still positive, but not so much so, and he decided he needed to step up his game and go into hiding for a whole lot longer than that.

But when he started back up again, the short burst of hype was filled with people saying things like, ‘he’d better not come back again’ and ‘I hate this’ and ‘just get it over with’. Like people didn’t want him to show up again. Like they didn’t appreciate him. And that’s probably what upset him the most, the fact that we didn’t seem to want him around anymore. The effect was multiplied when people started making assumptions about Chase, bringing him into the equation and shoving Anti further into the ‘bad guy’ role without him doing anything. That’s not what he wanted, he wanted the attention to be on him, not his supposed victims. And because he felt ignored, felt pushed aside and dismissed in favor of the more ‘important’ sides of Jack, he got mad.

In almost all of the pictures Anti posted, even where he’s smiling, he looks pissed. His expression is tight, less of a smile and more of a grimace or snarl. He’s not smiling at all in the other two, glaring into the camera. We made him angry, we didn’t give him the attention he wanted, and so he had no choice but to yell and scream at us, to make us listen. But we didn’t listen, we just yelled back and begged him to ‘post the next video and get it over with’. Not because we wanted to see him again, but because we wanted him to be done and go.

So he did. He never posted the next video. He went back to his Jack facade (or possibly let Jack go) and left us alone, because that’s the only way he’s going to get attention. And he hates it. He hates being excluded like this.

So what do we do about it?

I propose that the next time Anti shows up, if he shows up again, we give an overwhelmingly positive response. Anti is a little messed up in the head, he may be psychopathic or sociopathic to some extent, but that doesn’t mean he’s not looking for our attention, our approval. He’s always watching us, watching us watch him, looking at our reaction to see if he’s doing it right, if he’s doing what we want him to do.

If we give him loving responses, tell him how happy we are to see him again and draw fanart of just him, put the spotlight back on him, maybe he won’t be so upset. Maybe that’s how we apologize for hurting his feelings. For making him mad. We give him what he wants, and maybe he’ll see he’s just as important to us as the other parts of Jack are, and that he doesn’t need to threaten them get our attention. He doesn’t want to be Jack, he doesn’t want to kill Jack. He wants us to love him just like we love Jack. He wants the attention, the love and support Jack has, that Chase and Schneep and Jackieboy Man and Marvin the Magician and even SepticEye Sam have. He’s always treated as a demon or a monster, or some outside virus.

But he’s not. He’s part of Jack. And I think we need to show him that we understand that.

We love you, Anti. Please come back. <3


tl;dr - Anti is a part of Jack, and we need to love and respect him.