i like how he looks physically pained

Six Common Misconceptions about the Chronically Ill

What those who are healthy rarely understand about those who are sick or in pain.


More often than not, chronic illness and chronic pain go hand-in-hand, so when I use the term “chronically ill,” I’m including people who are in chronic pain. My hope is that it won’t be long until these common misconceptions become uncommon ones, as people become educated about what life is like for those who suffer from chronic illness (130 million in the U.S. alone).


Misconception #1: The way a person looks reflects how he or she is feeling physically.

When people say to me, “You look great.” I know they’re trying to be nice, so I make an effort to respond graciously (with something other than, “Well I don’t feelgreat,” spoken in an irritated tone of voice). But the truth is…there I am, “looking great,” while my body is pulsating with flu-like symptoms, my muscles are aching, and my heart is pounding so hard that sometimes it feels as if it must be visible to others on the outside of my body!

When others see someone whom they know is struggling with his or her health, I hope they’ll remember that they have days when they leave the house looking great but feeling terrible. If they understood that this is how most chronically ill people feel all the time, this common misconception would be well on its way to becoming an uncommon one.

Misconception #2: If people’s mental state (emotional stress for example) makes them feel worse physically, then their chronic illness cannot possibly be physically based.

If you’re not sick or in pain, I invite you to try this simple two-part exercise, so you can test this misconception out for yourself. Part One. The next time you feel under stress—maybe you’re angry at someone or worried about something—stop; close your eyes; and pay attention to how your body feels. Can you feel that your muscles have tightened? In addition, your heart may be beating faster and your whole body may be pulsating. You may even have broken out in a sweat. These are just some of the ways that mental stress manifests in the body of a healthy person.

Part Two. Keeping that stressful mental state in the forefront of your awareness, now imagine that you suffer from chronic pain and/or illness. What would happen? Your body would respond to the mental stress the same way it did for you as a healthy person. But now, that response would be in addition to your chronic, everyday symptoms. And if those symptoms happen to overlap with the physical symptoms that accompany mental stress—tightened muscles, racing heart, pulsating body and maybe even sweating—you can see how a person’s mental state can easily exacerbate the physical symptoms of chronic illness.

This is why keeping mental stress to a minimum is so important for the chronically ill. It’s important, but often impossible. Why? Because we live in the same stressful world that healthy people live in.

Misconception #3. Preparing for an event by engaging in “radical rest” will assure that when the occasion arrives, the chronically ill will feel better than had they not rested.

I can “radically rest” for several days in a row before a commitment (I’ve had some events for my new book that I’ve been doing this for) and yet, on the day of the event, feel terribly sick. Resting may increase the odds that I’ll be less sick than usual on the day of the event, but it’s no guarantee.

This misconception can lead to friendship-threatening misunderstandings if, for example, a chronically ill person has to skip one event but then not another one, even though he or she engaged in the same amount of rest leading up to the two occasions.

The truth is that the same amount of resting before each of two events may not yield the same results. That’s the unpredictability of living day-to-day with chronic pain and illness. It can lead to feelings of terrible guilt, which is why it’s essential that the chronically ill treat themselves with self-compassion.

Misconception #4: If chronically ill people are enjoying themselves, they must feel okay.

When an important occasion arises, people who are chronically ill have learned to put up with the symptoms of illness, including terrible pain, so they can try to enjoy what they’re doing, especially the enriching experience of being in the company of others. Please don’t assume that a person who is laughing is a person who is pain-free, ache-free, or otherwise feeling good physically.

Misconception #5: Stress reduction techniques, such as mindfulness meditation, are a cure for chronic pain and illness.

Stress reduction techniques can be effective tools to help with symptom relief and to help cope with the mental stress of ongoing pain and illness. However, unless a person suffers from a distinct disorder called somatization (in which mental or emotional problems manifest as physical symptoms), stress reduction techniques are not a cure.

Misconception #6: Being home all day is a dream lifestyle.

Maybe But is being home all day feeling sick and in pain a dream lifestyle? I think not. It would be wonderful if healthy people could remember that the chronically ill aren’t home all day frolicking around, doing whatever strikes their fancy. They’re often bed-bound or couch-bound…and in terrible pain.


My heartfelt wish is that people will become educated about what life is like for the chronically ill so that, some day soon, we can say these are six uncommon misconceptions.

From PsychologyToday.com

Ok but what some people don’t realize is that living with my mind has got to be the hardest thing I’ve EVER had to do in my short life. There’s a book I used to read as a child about a boy that has the chicken pox. His mother warns him against scratching his skin so as so not make it worse, and as a result of the agony he endures from the itchiness of his skin and not being able to do anything about it, he physically tries to run away from his own body. He like literally wants to detach himself from his physical body so as to not endure that pain. That’s the closest thing that’s come to explaining how I feel with my anxiety, depression, and OCD. I can’t even explain it to my doctors, that’s how bad it is. I want to be rid of my own brain. My friends brush it off when I try to explain myself and my parents look away and pretend it’s a phase. Someone listen and help, please

fangtasyflan asked:

I feel you on how much you relate to Steve Rogers; when I talk about him to my family, they assume I'm obsessed with this huge, gorgeous blonde super soldier, but they don't understand that on a deeper level, I understand how alone he's feeling, how out of his reach everything seems, how displaced he seems to be. He is so important to me because it's like looking in an internal mirror; everyone worries about the outside, no one but a select few seem to know what's going on inside...

yeah. he’s determined, he’s passionate, he follows his heart, he deals with depression, he gets hurt but keeps fighting and deals with the pain later, both physically and emotionally, and sometimes he pretends he’s fine when he’s not because people are counting on him and there’s something he needs to do… and that’s all me too

and trying to explain his relationship with Bucky is hard, because to me, that’s the relationship type I breathe, whether it’s romantic or not. I get attached to people and have such a singleminded focus on them, and I know it’s neurotic and maybe on the obsessive side, but there’s also deep loyalty and devotion there, and I’d do anything for those people, I’d die for them, I stay alive because they’ve asked me to, because they’ve told me they need me… and I’m worried sometimes that a day will come when there is nobody telling me they need me, or when that won’t be enough, because that one person I need more than anyone.. I’ll have lost that one too many times

anonymous asked:

hi tash! So I have a crush on my friend and we are really close. We know each other since we were babies and I'm afraid of ruing our friendship. He's really shy so I really don't know how to tell him. Can you help me? thanks xx

hey anon. I always think it’s best to get your feelings off your chest if you are serious about this friend, rather than continue on as only friends because it will be more painful for you to keep your feelings pent up inside than to tell him how you feel. At the same time though, I wouldn’t tell him though until you’re pretty sure he likes you back. If you aren’t feeling that he’s interested in you, it’s probably best not to say anything to be safe. 

Look out for signs that he’s crushing on you as well. Shy guys tend to show they like you by getting nervous around you.  You can try being a little flirtier or more physically affectionate to show him how you feel and see if he responds back positively. When you are confident he likes you back, that’s when you can try to tell him how you feel and be honest with him. 

Even if he doesn’t like you back it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end of your friendship so don’t be afraid. But don’t rush into it either, see how you go :)

xx Tash