Summary: you try your best to explain your past, and have a little run in with a super soldier
Pairings: Dean x Reader, Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 998
“Whose Dean?” Bucky asks gruffly. He hadn’t spoken to you in months, doesn’t look at you, eyes trained firmly on the floor. His muscles are tense, a curious look on his face as he worries at his lower lip.
Your heart sinks as you realize how badly you had destroyed your friendship, how it could never be the same between the two of you. If only you had kept your mouth shut, but you had taken a chance, the one you had not taken with Dean.
Dean had been too good, too pure for you, just as Bucky was.
You destroyed everything you touched, ruined the beauty in the world. You were nothing, merely a shield to be used by those around you, your mutation affording you near invincibility.
“(Y/N)!” Steve snaps, drawing your attention to him.
Groaning out loud at the look on his face, you know there was no getting out of this one.
He wouldn’t let you get away without an explanation, not this time. “Who was that? And who’s Dean?” he asks, His Captain America persona coming out in full swing.
You sigh heavily, not knowing where to begin or how to explain, end up floundering for a second before settling on the truth. “Cas is an angel. Dean is… was a friend,” you reply, not daring to meet his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t believe the vague explanation.
Steve snorts in disbelief. “You don’t react that way to a friend, Shadow. Tell me the truth,” he demands, Bucky nodding vigorously at his side.
Sam offers you a look of sympathy coated in curiosity. “She said Angel? Ain’t anybody gonna comment on that? No?” he says, trying to divert the attention away from what was obviously a touchy subject.
“We fought Aliens,” Steve deadpans.
“I’m a brainwashed ex-assassin,” Bucky adds.
“(Y/N) absorbs the power of others,” Steve continues.
Sam deflates, shrugging his shoulders in a defeated “I tried” motion.
Clenching your jaw and squeezing your eyes shut, you breathe heavily in through your nose, willing away the memories Cas’s unannounced visit had stirred up, the heavy realization you would have to do better than the bare minimum settling uneasily in your stomach. “Cas is an angel and my friend. We hunted together with two brothers. They were my family,” you answer, keeping your voice neutral, masking the pain the memories have conjured.
“And?” Steve prompts.
Annoyance flares at his persistence. “And nothing, Cap. I don’t see how this is any of your business!” you snap.
His eyes go wide briefly, unaccustomed to being on the receiving end of your ire. It softens his demeanor marginally, seeing how upset this is making you, but when Steve makes to speak Bucky cuts him off.
“He’s an ex?” he asks bitterly, his eyes finally meeting yours. The blue sucks you in, holding you captive.
The familiar butterflies that stir when he looks at you flap in your stomach. Your hands’ bunch in your hoodie as you break his gaze. Confused and angry you rise from your seat. “Again, I don’t see how this is any of your business, Barnes,” you spit angrily, stomping in the direction of the kitchen with the intention of making yourself a cup of tea and retiring to your bedroom for the evening, ignoring the heavy footfalls of a certain soldier behind you.
“What do you want?” you finally ask, turning to face him, hands on your hips, face set in a deep scowl.
Bucky’s face falls, he shakes his head sadly “What happened to us?” he asks quietly, the heartbreak in his voice so tangible, so heart-wrenching, you have to suppress a whimper. “I’m sorry,” he says as he raises his oceanic blue eyes to meet yours. “I’m sorry I hurt ya.”
You squeeze your eyes shut, revulsion at yourself rising steadily in your throat. “Bucky,” you sigh, taking a step toward him cautiously. Abandoning all caution you rise on your tiptoes and wrap your arms around him. “It’s not your fault. You can’t help how you feel. It’s my fault and mine alone,” you reply earnestly as Bucky clutches you firmly to his chest.
His grip is almost crushing, like letting you go would be physically painful. “Can we go back to what we were? I miss you.” His fingers dig into the flesh of your back with bruising force.
You linger in the embrace, knowing this would be the last time you would hold him this way, the last time he would voluntarily embrace you, or look at you. Choking back the sob threatening to spill out, squeezing him tighter, burying your face in his chest and taking a deep breath the ever present smell of snow fills your nose. Clean and fresh, you savor it, ignoring the wetness of your cheeks. “No,” you say quietly.
Bucky stiffens, a mixture of a whimper and a snort leaving his throat “Why?” he asks emotionlessly.
You step away from him, putting much-needed distance between you. “Because I love you,” you state.
He sucks in a harsh breath, his mouth falling slack at your words. “I… you what?” he asks dumbly.
Shaking your head sadly, you smile tearfully at him. “I love you and will not drag you down with me. I’m no good for you, friend or something more. Stay away from me, Bucky. You deserve better.” Turning away from him, you march toward the gym hoping to find Wanda or Vision, anyone, to spar with to help you forget, to numb you against him, to erase the look on his face from your memory because you knew how much damage you had just caused.
You knew the implications of your words, you knew how badly Bucky would react to you pulling further away from him. At this point, you could only hope Steve would forgive you for doing more damage to his friend. But, better to cut it off now, at the knees, before you broke Bucky permanently.
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