Sooo if any of yall want to send me gift cards so i can eat while at school here my amazon wishlist tho a couple of things are just things i want or for my art if yall want to help me there too¯\_(ツ)_/¯
ETA: Ill do small art pieces for you if you want you can check it ouy on my ig (nahnopedenada) or my art blog @doddlesart which has a lot if my older sthff and slowly adding newwer things
Real question. How can you support sjm and her books (I made myself read them sine everyone talks about them and they are racist af and culturally appropriative, particularly ACOMAF) while also blogging so much about POC and representation? You do you, but as a woman of color I'm real confused by that.
I’ve spoken about this a lot. I have many problems with SJM’s books. I have problems with her poc involvement specifically and her ‘cultural appropriation’. (If I can find the questions I’ve answered already on this topic, i’ll link them, but I mostly went in depth this past summer.)
As for ACOMAF, there is definitely cultural appropriation but in a loose form of the definition. “Cultural appropriation is the adoption or use of the elements of one culture by members of another culture. Cultural appropriation may be perceived as controversial or harmful, notably when the cultural property of a minority group is used by members of the dominant culture without the consent of the members of the originating culture.” - wikipedia. In my opinion, what SJM is doing is not exactly cultural appropriation. I think she took ideas of different cultures and made them into her ‘own’ world. Now, I’m not saying she didnt misuse information. I think there is loose appropriation in the books. But I don’t think we can assign it to cultural appropriation. This isnt me saying that there arent problems with the books. There most definitely is. But I think giving this a fair shake is important (and if you know me, I love being unfair and small things can make me pop off - especially when regarding race). I also think she tried to avoid that at all costs? She hinted towards the appropriation of culture in clothing, food, and setting specifically. But I feel like she really did try to dodge that fat bullet.
I dont see acotar or acomaf being racist. I see problems in it, of course, but I don’t see it as being racist in the slightest. I see people that misinterpret the book (like making Rhys and other Ilyrians white) as racism and white washing, but i dont see the book as being racist. Now, if Rhys, Cass, Amren, and Az were actually terrible characters, or shown in that light to the protagonist, then yes, I would say automatically, this is racist as fucking hell. But I dont see that.
However, one thing that has bothered me about acomaf was specifically the treatment of the summer court. I’ve explained this before in another post which I’ll have to find. It’s not how she depicted the summer court or the people in it. In fact, I felt it was beautifully articulated. But I absolutely HATE the treatment of Tarquin. It is one of my biggest fucking pet peeves of the book. I love how she made his character, but I despise how Feyre and Rhys treated him. I am not so sure that is boiled down to race though (and again, I’m easily one to say it is. But in this instance, i’m not so sure).
Now, I can go ALL FUCKING DAY, about Nehemia. ALL. FUCKING. DAY. Because that STILL pisses me off. I don’t care how fucking strong of a character she was, I dont care how beloved she is now, she was still a person of color that killed her fucking self to FURTHER the white characters narrative. That will forever fucking piss me off. Her AND Sorcha. (I went into an entire rant about it. I’ll have to find them though)
With all that said and done, I think an important question to keep in mind is how deep do we get into things like this? If SJM was a woman that only wrote about white characters, we would be up in arms, calling her racist, and that she hates poc. If she wrote about only poc characters, being a white woman, we would be saying that shes being culturally appropriative, that she doesnt understand, that she should stay in her lane, etc.
SJM is a woman that is writing about people while I think, trying her best to be inclusive and diverse. Shes a fucking white woman writing about it though. i don’t expect it to be perfect. But as a white woman, no matter what she does, no matter what she writes about, shell be criticized by being either too white, or too out of her lane. Like, anything she does, she will literally be criticized for it and the only way she wouldnt be, is if she was a person of color. (I guess she gets a narrow - extremely narrow- glimpse of what we feel).
These are just my opinions. I know people wont agree. But this is why I, a mixed (black and armenian), bi, woman, who makes social/political art based around race in her daily life, read sjm books (Specifically acotar. I’ve fallen off of the ToG bandwagon. EoS didnt jazz me and I’m still fucking pissed about Nehemia after all these years). I would love for this to open up a dialogue though. You can tell me I’m wrong, that’s fine. I would love to hear other people’s opinions - especially people of color.
Charlotte/21/Brighton I like eating junk food and wearing baggy clothing whilst sheltering myself away from the world and getting stuck into series, films and documentaries, I love going on fun adventures and finding places with pretty scenery. I’m also a lil bit weird and obsessed with conspiracy theories and outer space (hence the alien spaceship phone case) http://gjakut.tumblr.com
i want someone to ask me what’s wrong and let me vent to them but even if they ask, i just end up saying i’m fine and i turn the conversation around onto how they are
i want someone to hug me tightly and let me sob into their chest and not let go until i’m okay because it’s so fucking hard trying to handle all of this on my own
i want people to help and i want to tell them just how shitty and difficult everything is but the reality is that i can’t open up to people because my problems are not valid or worthy of attention and talking about it makes me feel like i’m manipulating everyone
other people have it worse which means i should just suck it up and be grateful that i have things like food, clothes and shelter. but oh my god, i am just SO fucking miserable. i would give anything to just be happy, to not wake up disappointed that i didn’t die in my sleep, to not spend every day crying and shaking with anxiety and thinking about hurting and killing myself
i want to be calm, happy and at peace. i feel like i’m at war with my brain and it’s so draining, so exhausting and i feel like the most pathetic, worthless person in the world
Alex had stayed either at his office or with Gilbert for a few weeks, having heard nothing from John. He would have continued this way, but he couldn’t stand Aaron anymore and he felt that his welcome with Gilbert had worn thin. So, after he had dragged his feet for as long as possible, he went home.
it is so restful to browse tumblrdotcom on my computer and not my phone now that i have a day off. like, what a relief, to be somewhere where my blacklist works and i am not haunted by the gamble of scrolling downward, wondering if the next thing i see is going to be a hilarious meme, a gorgeous edit, or just a big old fucking spoiler for that show i don’t get to watch until a day after everyone else. i am suffused with such joy at every small, blurry line that reads “blocked because ‘dream daddy’.” with glee, i click on the activity link or even make a post of my own without fear of losing my progress on my feed. i could spend all day like this. i very likely will.
Actually, I didn’t really know what I expected but this place, it was freaking huge.
From the little I had seen of it when we arrived, in the pitch black no less, it looked like some kind old factory lot or something.
I could hear walkers groans but Negan told me that they used them to mask us being here. Funnily enough he found the best protection from walkers was walkers. Who’d of thought of that?
See I knew he was smart.
For something of this size there had to be a lot of men and women living here.
More than we had ever realised.
And when you factor in how ever many outposts he has…. He had a fucking Army.
One that could easily wipe out anyone that stood in their path.
Whatever Rick was up to, no matter how many people he could get to work with him he could never win against that. He was a fool to even try.
How many times had he been told?
When we had left Alexandria Eugene and Rosita had been shoved into the back of a truck with sacks over their heads.
I was worried thats I’d have to do, have one on my head and it kind of freaked me out. I remember feeling my breath catch in my throat at the thought.
However Negan walked right passed them towards his black truck and told me to get into the front seat before climbing in himself, slamming the door shut .
Simon and another man that I hadn’t taken notice of before also got in and before I knew it we were off, driving away from everyone I used to class as my family.
I wonder what they thought? What were they all saying now we’d left?
Looking at the man driving, who’s name I didn’t know, he looked like he had some kind of scar on one side of his face. His presence here unnerved me. There was something off with him.
As we moved further and further away Negan undid the red scarf he had around the collar of his leather jacket and wrapped it around my head, covering my eyes. I assumed so I didn’t see the way. Not that it would matter if I did anyway. Why would I go back?
Did he think I would suddenly regret my decision and run back to them, lead them back to the Sanctuary to kill them all.
Even if I did regret it I don’t think I could?
Going back to Alexandria was not something I could ever do again. He had said so himself earlier.
I hadn’t seen the man since I’d arrived, what, a couple of days ago now? Maybethree.
I was loosing track.
As soon as the scarf had been removed from my eyes I had been dragged to a room he had told one of his men to take me too. While he walked away with an arm around Eugene’s shoulders.
I had no idea what had happened to Rosita, where she was, not that I should care. She despised me. The last look she gave me told me more than I needed to know. She hated me now.
I had been taken up a flight of yellow stairs along a brick corridor and up several more flights of stairs. To this very room.
It was smaller than my room at Alexandria, not that it mattered. Lucky to have a room at all.
It held a small double bed, a sink with running water and a bunch of books and other nicknacks. There was also a small round coffee table with an arm chair either side.
Considering this was the freaking apolocolyspe this was pretty nice. I even had a window. Not that I could see out of it as it was one of those distorted ones that just let light through.
When I slept I felt him.
It was as if he was in the room with me.
Running those long fingers across my exposed skin, leaving a trail of fire as they moved.
At one point I swear I could even feel his lips caressing my skin.
My dreams were driving me crazy.
I needed to see him again.
I missed his presence.
The only time I had seen anyone was when one of the men barged in with a tray of food. I tried to speak to them the first few times but gave up when I got nothing but silence in return.
This wasn’t what I had expected, to be honest I felt a little like a prisoner than someone who had willingly come. Had I made a mistake?
Catching me off guard the door flew open again, however this time it was a face I recognised.
The guy with the scar on his face from the truck. There was still something about him that unnerved me. If could just be the scars making him look scarier than he was but… I don’t know. My gut never usually lead me wrong.
“Come on” he signalled he wanted me to follow him. Not daring to say a word I got up and walked towards him as my stomach embarrassingly grumbled loudly. Opps.
“You haven’teaten?” He sounded annoyed and turned to look at someone behind him. Craning my neck I could see it was a large man who was asleep with a sandwich in his hand. Someones in trouble.
“Lets get you some food, Negan wants me to take you on a tour” A tour? Of the Sanctuary?
“Okay” I nodded and fiddled with the sleeves on my top. The feeling of excitement filled me knowing that I was going to get out of this room, stretch my legs. Wait, Negan asked him to show around?
Where was he?
Why wasn’t he the one to give me a tour?
I wanted to see him.
“Whats your name?”
As I followed Dwight around I became to feel more than a little uncomfortable. Everyone watched me. Their eyes constantly moving as we moved.
My feelings must of been noticeable as Dwight spoke up after telling me about the walkers by the gate. Repeating what Negan had already told me. Practically word for word.
“They don’t understand, thats why they’re starring” he pointed me to walk back inside.
“Why I voluntarily came here?” I guessed. There was no way that he had forced everyone here though? Surely.
“No, that most people can understand, that you didn’t want to be on the loosing side, Negan never looses” That wasn’t why I came, but I held my tongue. That could stay unspoken for now however I’m sure it would come out at some point. Not today though “They don’t understand that you don’t have to work for points, that you have unlimited ones” unlimited?
“Points?” I didn’t understand? What points?
“Yeah” he sighed as if he was annoyed he was even having to explain “everyone here has a job and in turn they earn points, those points you use to buy things, like food and clothes”
“And I don’t have to work?” Why?
“Negan gave you unlimited points, you can have whatever you want anytime” When did that happen?
“Ok?” Feeling completely out of my comfort zone I didn’t know what to say. Why would he do that? I’d happily work. Be useful.
“The thing is the only other person who gets unlimited points is Negan himself. Even his wives get so many per week, not that they could ever use the amount he gives them,but still” Oh. Maybe he thought I’d become one and was trying to bribe me?
“I’m not” I quickly said “Im not interested in that, he knows I’m not going to be a wife”
“You sure about that?” No.
“How many does he have exactly?” I’d never been brave enough to ask the man himself and now seemed like a good a time as any. Ask someone he obviously trusted.
“Why you thinking of joining? Want to get them all a little present with those unlimited points?” He laughed as he opened a set of double doors leading to what looked like a cafeteria. It reminded me of a school.
“I already told you” He was pissing me off now.
“Yeah, yeah” he chuckled, cutting me off as he lead me over to a table. “Sit”
“I’m not a fucking dog” I said crossing my arms. Eyes were still on me from all of the people around us. Gulping I just sat down as he had asked.
“Sit down and stay, I’m going to get you some breakfast” I just told you I’m not a damn dog. Jesus.
“Oh” with that he turned on his heel and walked towards a woman who was handing out bowls to several people in a line. Food sounded good.
The food wasnt the best but it was warm and filling. Before the apocalypse I had hated porridge. It reminded me of the hospital food.. I stopped that thought right there. Not today.
“Five” Dwight suddenly spoke after sitting in silence for several minutes. He had been looking everywhere but at me as I’d been eating.
“Five?” Oh. Five wives. Negan had five wives.
I didn’t know if I should be relieved it wasn’t more or shocked it was that many.
“Ok” I nodded my head before moving the last mouthful of food in the bowl onto my spoon.
“He uses it as a dominance thing” well no shit “Its not right, the way he treats people”
I didn’t agree with it but there was no way in hell I was going to voice it. Dwight being a savior I would of thought he wouldn’t either. There was something about this man that I didn’t trust. Surely Negan could see it?
If I had the choice I would be keeping as much of a distance from this man as I could. He wasn’t good.
No shit. You’re living with a bunch of people who stand and watch people get murdered within saying a single word. Dumbass.
Swallowing I asked “Where’s Negan?” Ignoring his comment completely. I would not give him the satisfaction. Arsehole.
“Out” Oh “He had some garbage to deal with” Laughing at some kind of joke I obviously didn’t know.
Disappointment flooded me. I wanted to see him. The feel of his hand, the few times I had felt it, god, I just wanted to feel his skin on mine again.
“Is there anything you need?” Startled I looked up with the last spoonful of porridge suspended by my open mouth “Before you go back to your room, I have to take care of the prisoners” Prisoners? Did he mean Rosita and Eugene?
“Ummmmmm no?” I couldn’t think of anything. I would of liked to of wondered around on my own but I gathered that wasn’t something that I was going to get to do.
“Okay well lets go”
As he took me back to my room we went a different route than earlier. I think this place was even bigger than I originally even thought. If I was alone I had no doubt that I would get lost. Negan would have to send a search party to find me. If he cared. I mean its not like he’s been anywhere near you since you arrived.
A large dark skinned man was shouting for Dwight as we approached the door to the stairs.
“Fuck” he pointed at me “stay here and don’t move” Where was I even going to go. Had he forgotten that I wanted to be here?
God I wish he would stop speaking to me like I was a fucking dog. I’d already toldhim.
He turned away and walked towards the man, my eyes didn’t dare leave his back as he moved. What was happening?
I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I knew it wasn’t good whatever it was. Something had happened.. was going to happen… was happening.
Dwight visibly groaned before fumbling for a key and opening a door that had been hidden behind the other guy. What was he doing?
Was he leaving me here? I knew I wouldn’t be able to find my way back to my room from here. Maybe I could go backwards to the cafeteria and get someone to help me?
Would they though? I mean the looks I had been getting all day were not ones that were all that friendly.
I could hear Dwights voice speaking, angrily, but couldn’t decipher any of the words.
He disappeared for a second into darkness through the open door before dragging someone out.
It felt like the world froze as someone was pushed out of the doorway. I could both hear and feel my heart beating in my ears.
“Daryl?” His eyes shot to mine in a flash and for the first time since making the decision to be here. To saying yes. I felt ashamed.
Tossing and turning.
I could not sleep at all.
Over and over again.
My mind wouldn’t stop.
Even for five minutes.
All that was running through my mind was Daryl. He looked so broken, covered in dirt. Standing there naked from head to toe.
What have they been doing to him? Oh god.
Daryl was one of the sweetest guys I had ever met.
He never hurt anyone unless he had too.
Its one of the things that drew me to him in the first place when Shane took us out of the town. Me, Carol and Lori.
Most people couldn’t see past the redneck label.
He had a good heart.
I wish that I’d of got him freed instead…. Instead of saving someones life back home, at Alexandria?
I don’t know
I mean It wasn’t my home anymore.
And for the first time I felt like I’d well and truly fucked up.
I should of saved Daryl.
Knowing Rick it wouldn’t be long before someone was killed again for something. Why couldn’t he just play by the rules?
The door to my room clicking open made me jump. I was too frightened to move. Who was it?
I screwed my eyes shut. Maybe if they thought I was asleep they would leave. Wishful thinking.
Again the door clicked signalling it closing and it frightened me. It was just us in the room.
Whoever it was and me.
I didn’t even have my knife, they had taken it when I arrived.
What was I going to do?
If this person attacked me……..
Loud footsteps echoed as the person neared.
Coming closer and closer.
One step at a time.
They stopped suddenly and I knew they were standing right over me.
A warm finger touched my shoulder causing me to involuntary flinch I expected the feeling of something else, like a cold hard blade.
If you would like to be tagged in future parts please let me know you amazing lot :) <3
So you probably don’t give a shxt, but i won’t be on for about a week or so as I will be going on vacation with my family over to the states. I still probably will have scheduled and queued reblogs though.
I would also like to thank America for introducing smokey bones to the world. That is all
HEY it’s me. It’s Ronan. and here is my nazy new looking commissions sheet.
Most of everyone knows this but now but I’m gonna say it again: I am homeless and struggling VERY badly to survive right now. I cannot afford food or clothes or like, anything so I really REALLY need help! so i am offering commissions! Please consider me or at the very least, reblogging this and spreading it around.
Payment is through paypal and you can contact me at email@example.com
Christmas for pets is so much more fun than humans exhibit A: when u buy presents for people there’s all the stress of picking the perfect thing and spending a certain amount of money so u don’t look cheap & presenting it properly & awkwardly watching them open it while continually muttering “I have the receipt…if u don’t like it…” but w/ my rats I know that I can give them a half-empty box of tissues and some banana mash and they’ll just be like “OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE OH MAN OH MAN OH M”