i left. the end

anonymous asked:

It was exactly 5 years ago this week that I had a very similar experience. I had been suffering through one of the most difficult times in my life when I left a worship service having resolved to end my life with some pretty heavy narcotics I'd been stashing away for months. And as I was saying goodbye to my best friend that night (he didn't know I had planned on it being goodbye for good), he somehow knew something wasn't right. And he spent the evening with me until I told him everything...

He saved my life that night. He stayed up all night with me, crying with me. And then he helped me get admitted into a psychiatric hospital, which was the hardest and most humble thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s been 5 years. I still sometimes have panic attacks. I still sometimes get down about life. But you know what else? I learned SO MUCH while I was going through treatment. I grew and discovered my triggers. I’ve poured into young women that are going through similar circumstances…

That best friend of mine? He and I have been happily married for 2 years and my life has never been more beautiful. The reason I’m telling you all of this is because I need you to know that God is with you, and He will help you. It might be hard, but if you’re at a point like you were last night, you need to know you matter to Him and you deserve to help yourself. Please seek Him and seek help where you can. Your future self needs you. I’m praying for you. God is good- hold onto that! 🌻😊


Everything you said is perfect. 

I can’t wait to live up to that moment of life where I’m going to share my own story to other people—just the way you did—who may need the same encouragement and inspiration we used to need, too, just to stay alive. You’ll definitely be a part of that another beautiful story written by God someday, my dear. Thank you so much.

I was tagged by the lovely @ssawonder to do this little “5 things that make you happy” post! . You write down 5 things that make you happy, and pass it on to ten people. They then do the same and it keeps it going!

1. Writing- I love the moments when I’m able to simply sit down with my laptop, open a blank document, and pour out whatever I’m feeling that day. I’m left feeling less heavy by the end and even if I don’t end up sharing what I’ve written, I’m usually proud of it.

2. My pets- I have three wonderful little dogs who love to keep me occupied! They usually pick up my moods and will hang out with me when I’m down. One especially loves to get in your face with kisses and I adore it.

3. Shopping for books- Wandering around a bookstore is my favorite activity. I can spend hours hunting for the right book and just being surrounded by works of literature in general brings me a sense of joy!

4. Watching horrible zombie movies with my father- This has been a tradition since I was a child. We’ll set apart a day, order a pizza and just marathon them. I can’t even count how many badly made films I’ve seen but it’s still one of my favorite things to do.

5. Going to the beach - Even though I’m a California native I didn’t actually start visiting the beach until I was about 15. The feeling of warm sand underneath my feet is quite possibly my favorite thing in the world. I like to go on days that aren’t as crowded which tend to be colder ones. I take a blanket and sit on the shore, letting the salt in the air change my hair’s texture and just listen to the waves. It’s something I tend to do when I need to get away and clear my mind.

I tag just about anyone else who wants to do this! Writing about what makes you happy is something very healthy for you and I encourage you all to do it. ❤

anonymous asked:

I left the Army fandom because of never ending drama tbh they have a knack for blowing things out of proportion. I get you're defending bts but they often drag in issues that are irrelevant to the matter being discussed. Also they are literally everywhere mentioning bts as if people who dont like bts have a bad music taste or something. I guess its because most of the new&young kpop fans are armys so theyre still hormonal over oppars?? Its such a shame tbh because bts has great music sigh

Like for real. I can’t say Ive seem any other fandom go to these lengths. Yall think showing your ass out here is gonna make ur oppas like you???? im sure if they saw half the shit yall saying theyd block your asses so fast. 

and girls were so pretty. there was the effortless girls who had the wide eyes, the freckles, the hair pulled back. who didn’t wear makeup and always wore a smile, who knew you needed help before you asked it; the sunshine and picnic girls, who you felt carried spring with them. and the mountaintop girls, strong bodies and fierce in their bones, drinking green tea and teaching you yoga, who watched you and made sure you ate well, who knew what it was to fight for a body that listened. and the soft heather girls who knew nature and spoke gently and would show you how to hear the light hitting a lake, who would listen no matter how long the story was and somehow know what to say. and the girls who were red moons, a dangerous flash of teeth and darkness, an excited wildness that came in black leather and spoke of nights you ache when you remember, who would look at you and pin you to a board for a moment, so that for once you felt important. and the summertime girls, wide smiles and makeup that never smudged, who could make you feel as if you lived inside a photograph, who brought the feeling of the fourth of july to every party, who convinced you to come to the party. and of course the rain girls, who didn’t need an explanation, but simply were, in a way that when you made eye contact with them you knew somehow about sorrow and also about the safety of staying home. 

and girls. girls in their sweatpants in the aisle of a supermarket looking lost. girls staring down their teacher, demanding the grade they deserve. girls with their hands on the wheel, with their hands passing lotion to another, with their hands in their hair. girls upside down on the couch and spine straight in business meetings and body curled around a book. girls who were upended libraries, who were railroads, who were a choir’s last note, who were carols, who were snow, who were a racing track, who glowed or who gave warmth or else sewed cold, who bit hard, who laughed loud, who fell asleep on trains, who rode bikes in rain.

and then there was you.

Garden Girl’s gone now.

I spent the day helping her pack, only for her to lose her keys moments before she had to leave. They were locked inside her car and it took forever to get through to AAA. I felt a strange surge of guilt - the kind you get when something happens that isn’t your fault, but you still feel a little responsible because on some level you wanted it to happen. I knew I hadn’t touched them, but some small part of me doubted… a wickeder, crueler version of myself might have hidden them just to snatch a few more hours of her time. This was a cloying, yellowish thought that intensified as time dragged on. I had the absurd fear that if I reached into my pocket, I would find them, under the Altoids and the band-aides and the binoculars.

That wasn’t the case. She found them eventually, under a pile of dresses in the back seat. We both breathed a sigh of relief, but my heart fell. She was more than ready to go.

She hugged me. “You’d better come visit me,” she said.

“Can I tell you something before you go? I meant to tell you all summer but it never never seemed like the right moment.”

“No,” she said, immediately.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” I said. “I promise. It’d be easier to show you. Here.”

“Your wallet?” she looked at me quizzically.

“Yeah, um. Look inside.”

“Your ID? What am I supposed… oh. OH. Oh my god, what the fuck, why didn’t you tell me?”

“It never felt like the right time,” I said. “And I’ve told you now, so. Better late than never.”

We laughed. She swore at me in exasperation. She hugged me again, promised to keep calling me by the name she knows me by, and said her final goodbye. I watched her tail lights disappear in the thickening rain, and grinned.

be a guardian…is hard…









Previously by @jokublog


none of their outfits rly scream ‘wedding,’ but I saw ‘Hanzo in a dress’ and just……

Are you going to age with grace?
Are you going to leave a path to trace?

But oblivion is calling out your name,
You always take it further than I ever can.

When oh oblivion is calling out your name,
You always take it further than I ever can.

Oblivion, Bastille