i left it to nothing

Hayley privately quit the band for a brief period in the summer of 2015, feeling exhausted and thinking she had nothing left to say or sing. “I just was done, I thought, there’s gotta be something else that I’m good at in my life. Maybe it’s time for me to go find that.” But after she left, Taylor York started sending her unfinished tracks just to see what would happen. 

 “We both had doubts, and we had unity in that” Taylor says. “I told her she didn’t have to do stuff. But I just kept writing, and then there was this time that she got it again.” - Hayley Williams and Taylor York for the Fader Magazine, speaking the influence Taylor had on Hayley’s decision to come back to the band

My favorite lyrics from each song from Something To Tell You.
  1. Want You Back - “I’ll give you all the love I never gave before I left you.”
  2. Nothing’s Wrong - “Heartbreak by design.”
  3. Little of Your Love – “You gotta give me just a little of your love, baby. And I’ll try.”
  4. Ready For You - “Maybe you played way too hard to get. So I kept it moving to another one night stand.”
  5. Something to Tell You – “Because I know if I tell you that everything’s alright. Oh, we could stay at this moment, I’d never say goodbye.”
  6. You Never Knew – “Was my love too much for you to take? I guess you never knew what was good for you.”
  7. Kept Me Crying – “Kept me crying for so long, my tears have dried.”
  8. Found It In Silence – “Something else on your mind all this time. I was right, wasn’t I?”
  9. Walking Away – “I know you did it so many times before. But I never thought I’d be the one you’d betray.”
  10. Right Now – “You left me searching for a reason. Why’d you leave? Left me in the dust.”
  11. Night So Long –  “And I say goodbye to love once more.”

At this point summertime terrifies me, it’s not even that the worst of my trauma memories are from July/August… it’s just that everything happens in the summer for me. Good and bad. Summer is the fire that inevitably burns me out. I’m always curious about what will come of it at first but by the end of July I feel as if there’s nothing left of me. And it’s like that every damn year.

E and Gray are sad, the fandom is sad too, jake didn’t actually get arrested, layla is dead, it’s been seven years of one direction, i miss my dad, i haven’t talked to my dad since tuesday, i haven’t slept in 2 weeks, i sat on my glasses and broke them


Any more reasons i should be crying right now!?! Come on life throw them at me, i have nothing left to lose!!

My apologies to the decent guys, who have no plans to hurt me.
To the guys who will fall madly for a girl who can’t reciprocate,
Because my heart is out of service.
My apologies in advance to the men , who will give their all , and then look down at their empty hands ,
because I have nothing left to give.
I am sorry to all the men I will fail,
All the men I won’t trust, that are worthy ,
Because I put my trust in the wrong people.
I’m sorry for the endless doubts,
And not giving you a chance.
I apologize in advance , to anyone who may love me in the future.

i’m not trying to make my posts psychoanalyzing myself seem self pitying it’s more about me trying to connect different aspects of my life and emotions to figure out my exact problems and where they stem from because i feel like if i find the root of the problem i can work through it and heal and let me tell you. the feeling of having no value or worth as a woman and a human being on this planet is deeply embedded in me. i feel like it’s woven in the fibers of my skin so if i try and pull those toxic threads out i’ll unravel completely and have nothing left. i don’t even know exactly what it is about myself that i despise so much and i was definitely taught to believe my existence depends on whether or not i can please and serve a man and i feel immense guilt when i stray from those thoughts and start to find value in myself and realize i’m… allowed to exist.

5

Wouldn’t you trade it all to have Thomas Hamilton back again?

Just because I left
does not mean you are nothing
just because I left
does not mean you can never be happy
just because I left
does not mean this is the end
just because I left
does not mean I do not love you.
—  I left when I promised you I wouldn’t // A.M
To my first love,
I don’t think you will even recognize that these words are for you. I knew you didn’t think you were beautiful, or even relatively attractive, but I would have loved to spend the rest of my life convincing you of your perfection. Your flaws were what defined you. Your strength in the face of all your adversities, all the abuse you endured, inspired me. Your beauty was unconventional and every day I have gone without it, without you, tore my soul apart. Years have passed and we’re both adults now. The façade of childhood has left me. I no longer believe in the things I once fought for. I no longer recognize who I was with you. I doubt I ever cross your mind. Truth be told, you rarely cross mine. But, you still do. You continue to have this hold over me, a hold that forces me to compare all my lovers—past, present, and future—to you. Why? Our love was imperfect, abusive, tarnished. We held each other’s hearts in our hands and repeatedly poked and prodded and exploited the weaknesses we found until one of us cried for mercy. We reduced the other to tears on more occasions than I care to revisit. I wished you nothing but happiness when you left me. You wished for me to feel every suffering this world had to offer. You wished for me to feel as dirty, broken, alone, betrayed, as you felt when our truths were revealed. I was fucked up, you’re right, but you were as well. You are not without blame here. We were both too damaged to ever be good for each other. Your wish came true and for years, I have lived with a searing pit in my stomach. As I sit here and write these words to you, I realize that you are the reason I am like this. You are the reason I am the way I am. You are to blame for my cold, unfeeling ways. I may have loaded the gun, I may have pressed it into your hands, and I may have aimed it at my heart, but you are the one who pulled the trigger. I wrote this to put you out of my mind forever. I wrote this for the closure you never granted me; the closure I used to repeatedly seek through apologies and professions of guilt while you turned your back on me, admonishing me with threats if I did not disappear from your life. I wrote this because it’s been over four years since we met and two since you left and I still cannot get my thoughts off you. You ruined me, we ruined each other, but you recovered quicker. I am leaving you on this page. I am leaving the memories, the sleepless nights, the love, and the abuse here, in hopes of finally being free.
Regrettably yours,
A.H.
—  the-hasslehaas, It’s been a year since I wrote this and the freedom has come.