i laughed so hard at this i just

anonymous asked:

"you want my 8 inch?" "what? you gonna fuck me twice?" JIKOOK PROMPT *SCREAMS*

Jimin lets out a breathy sigh as Jungkook decides to nibble softly just at the top of his ear lobe.

Jungkook had been kissing up and down his neck for the better half of the ten minutes they had been like this. Jungkook draped on top of the older as Jimin had his hands gripping the back of Jungkook’s t-shirt tightly in his fist. And things were heating up fairly quick.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” the younger continued to press punctuated kisses with each word.


Jimin lightly guided Jungkook’s face towards his with his hand and finally connected their lips once again. All the want coursing through his veins were poured into the kiss.

“Jungkook, I want you,” he pulls away.

A slow and sly smile spreads across Jungkook’s face before he darts back down to continue making Jimin’s skin bloom with purple. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jimin responds lowly.

In all his years of knowing Jungkook, Jimin had always known that he had never been good at dirty talk. Jimin tended to avoid making conversation with Jungkook during sex and for a good reason. His cringeworthy dialogue was enough to make anyones dick go soft in seconds. Typically it’s not too bad, Jimin simply brushing it off and giving Jungkook reassuring words followed by a pat on the cheek. But the words that come out of Jungkook’s mouth next were truly horrendous.

“You want my eight inch?”

Jimin’s nose wrinkles and cringes immediately at the words. The older almost instantly stops what he is doing to push Jungkook away enough for him to look the younger in the eye, a retort ready on the tip of his tongue.

“What? You gonna fuck me twice??”

Jungkook is silent, eyebrows furrowing, not quite understanding what the older had just asked him. Jimin could almost see the cogs turning in Jungkook’s head—he had never been good at math.

Jimin knew the second he got it because Jungkook’s mouth had dropped in disbelief and stuttering immediately followed.

“You…wha—asshole!”

Jimin simply could not hold back his laughter, bursting into a fit of uncontrollable snorts earning him a hard slap to the shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” the man below him gasps out between laughs. “Jungkookie you just really suck at dirty talk.”

“I thought maybe I had gotten better…”

Jimin ruffles his hair, laughter dying down. “No, you really didn’t. I think it’s best if we stick to the basics.”

Jungkook groans and rolls off of him, plopping himself down to lay next to the older.

There was a beat of silence.

“So…does this mean we’re not gonna fuck?”

“Jungkook.”


(Author’s note: 8 ÷ 2 = 4 inches)

Send me a Jikook prompt and I’ll write you a “3 to 10″ sentence fic

anonymous asked:

Could you do some class 1-B romantic headcanons please!!! specifically Kuroiro, Honenuki and Monoma. Thank you either way and I just wanted to say how much I love your writing!

Oh boi is this a hard one. I hope they’re alright.


Kuroiro:

  • Surprisingly good at wooing people. Not in a try hard way either. He just has a natural gift for making a person feel special. He puts it all on his good listening skills.
  • The type of guy that functions really well when he’s in a group and talking with his crush but the second it’s one on one he forgets how to human.
  • Makes you laugh with his puns.
  • Forgets when the last date you two had so you could either get 5 in a month or 2 in one month.
  • Genuinely tries to get involved in the things you like.
  • It’s hard to read him seen as he has a slight resting bitch face but oh lord does that smile shine like the sun when it comes out. 

Honenuki:

  • Soft boy with a soft heart.
  • Looks terrifying but he picked you some flowers and got chocolate because that’s what romance is right????
  • Even if you ain’t a thing he picks out a really sweet birthday present for you.
  • Rather quiet until he feels like being chatty but it’s never an uncomfortable sort of silence. He’d rather listen to you talking all day.
  • Gets nervous that people find him scary because of his face.
  • Kiss his cheeks! He likes that!
  • He’s got this jealous streak in him, there’s nothing actually harmful about it, but he tends to get competitive when he sees other people making you happy and wants to make sure he’s living up to his title as boyfriend.

Monoma:   

  • Thinks he’s a casanova but he sexts like a straight white boy and calls it romance.
  • Uses the word thrussy.
  • A certain someone has to smack him around the head when they find out about his awful misadventures in flirting.
  • But when he stops trying to be something he’s not he’s quite irresistibly charming. Smug in the way where you don’t know if you want to kiss him or punch him.
  • Goes to great lengths to convince you that the three course meal he just made you was no biggie. He totally didn’t spend hours sneaking around after you to try and pick up on any types of food you hate. Ofc not.
  • Sends you selfies nearly everyday. 
  • Sends you selfies pulling silly faces when he thinks your texts sound weird.
I Lose Weight As Life Gets Heavier

Things are so hard to lift:
Head
Pen
Spirits
My eyes to meet yours

You look at me with pity
Bring attention to my broken mind
Which I so desperately try to distract

I can laugh when I’m alone
Away from your pity-eyes

I hear you cry because you blame yourself
And I adopt that blame as my own

Please
Just leave me alone

Removed from the perpetual pain of empathy

Sometimes your love for me
Hurts more than anything

anonymous asked:

Why'd the two even perform welcome to the madness together if Otabek wasn't even going to ice skate?

To make an even more shocking performance than Viktuuri. Yuri asked Otabek to join him into shocking the audience (which happened irl too lol, good going Yuri). Throwing his glasses into the audience wasn’t enough, he needed something that fit with the madness. So he tested Otabek’s gag reflex lmfao. I laughed so hard at that. Shippers find it sexy, I just find it hilarious. Out of all things he stuck that finger in Otabek’s pie-hole.

That glove would never slide off that easily. I just imagine if it was a real life scenario, Yuri would put his finger in Otabek’s mouth and Otabek bites down. Starts pulling but nothing happens. Yuri gets grossed out by the saliva, Otabek’s giving it his best, he bites too hard, the glove doesn’t budge, the audience is into it they think it’s all planned. Finally Yuri just removes it himself then shakes all the slobber off.

Those two are so good and funny as friends… At least I’m having fun. It relaxes me with all the weird theories around about how they flirt and there’s sexual tension and shit. Aaah gosh.

anonymous asked:

Im Iranian, therefore I am asian. How fucked up are educational systems that people don't even know continents? Fuck man, up their curriculums ...

Hi, Anon!!!

I KNOW RIGHT?! Like, why do school systems not teach this??????

People get so surprised when Iranian people say “we’re Asian”, and one time, my friend whose Iranian said that when we had to talk about our ethnic backgrounds bc it was multiculture day or something like that, and everyone just looked at her like ???????? “How can you be Iranian and Asian???”

And then she looked at me and we both were trying SO HARD to not laugh but oh my Allah!!

THIS EXACTLY.

anonymous asked:

so we were painting in art right? and i was using an off-white, just minding my own business when suddenly some kid points at me and goes "ARE YOU USING MAYONNAISE" with this terrified look on his face, like he was about to start crying, and let me tell you i have never laughed so hard in my life

O-oh gosh! W-well I’m g-glad it wasn’t m-mayo too!!

I wanna take a minute & talk about this clip from @therealjacksepticeye video. I can’t even begin to talk properly about how much it moved me but I am going to try.

I wanna start by saying he’s 100% right. You can’t imagine how just a little bit of kindness from..well anyone really can make a world of difference. And even possibly change the course of someone’s day or even their life. I know cuz it happened to me.
I’m not looking for sympathy so not going to go into details but lets just say issues from my past left me in an extremely dark untrusting place. Honestly I think I was just about at rock bottom then the unexpected happened….I found Jacksepticeye’s channel. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed/stress free or laughed so hard. And was also pleasantly surprised at how welcoming most of the community was since I am quite a bit older (28yrs old) than alot of them. I wasn’t so lucky with other ‘fandoms’ but thats another story.

Anyway this is getting to be too long so getting to the point. I can honestly say thanks to Jack & this community I have started coming out of my shell again. It makes me want to help others feel happy like I do.

So thank you Jack and everyone I have met since joining the community. Hopefully this makes sense..I have never have been good with words

I’m fucking laughing I was just playing CTF and picked Sym and this person who had been trolling rlly hard as Sym the match before and pissing everyone off (putting the teleporter on a ledge so you fall off etc) got hella salty and wanted me to swap but I said no so they picked Mei and spent the whole match following me round shooting me and putting ice walls in my way lmao the salt is real

anonymous asked:

honestly , i stopped going to therapy because one therapist forced me to swear to "let anger out" or smth. and then one told me "haha i remember when i was in my vegan phase" and she looked to my dad and said "she'll be over it soon" and i've been a vegan for about 6 years ? phase ? ok?? i just wish it was easy to find a good therapist tbh

LMAO honestly ,,,,, i am laughing not to cry like i feel you so hard on this one. luckily i got a good one on my second try but my first one oh dear god. one time she asked me who my favorite in one direction was and i said niall and she said, and i quote: “boys like him don’t like it when girls look like this!!!1!!” i was deadass GAPING at her. like. what kind of world do we live in????

kittiofdoom  asked:

my replies are broken for some reason but I promise you I am the biggest noodle who loves Regis and Clarus too much and gets overly emotional all the time about them ahhaha

Maaannn I swear if anyone had told me just last year that around this time, I’d be writing smut and shipping just about everyone with everybody I’d have laughed so hard in their face.

AND NOW LOOK AT ME, TRASH LORD, LOOKIN ALL OVER TUMBLR FOR MORE CLARIS GOODNESS

But I have company on this ship. *hugs* Where do they serve the margaritas on this bitch?

11 Questions Tag Meme

Thanks @canadiangold for the tag!

1. What instrument do you play or wish you could play?
-I play the piano, albeit poorly (self-taught, mostly just sight-reading and plunking through songs). I did play trumpet for 7 years in middle/high school concert and jazz band

2. Tell us the short version of your most embarrassing moment and most proud moment.
-Embarassing: laughed so hard I farted in front of my then-crush (MORTIFYING)
-Proud: holding my son for the first time♡

3. Given an unlimited budget and a month free of responsibility, where would you go and what would you do?
-I know it sounds cliché, but travel Europe (where I haven’t been yet). A week in Ireland, a week in Scotland, a week in Spain, a week hiking the Swiss alps

4. How far would you be willing to travel to meet an internet friend irl?
-almost 2 hours amiright Jess? But in all actuality if I could turn it into a family vacation I would go pretty far if it meant a chance to meet a good friend

5. Are you getting into a new artist or style of music lately? Tell us about them
- Appreciating the happy simplicity of older video game music (e.g. lots of animal crossing/old school pokemon tunes while I drink my coffee in the morning)

6. What would you like your room/house to smell like after a busy day at work/school/etc?
-Okay, so I have this scent warmer that’s called Cozy Chai and I want my entire existence to be surrounded in this scent. Just a delicious, warm, spicy scent to snuggle up in a big chair with a good book to.

7. A generous family member just gave you $1000. What will you do with it?
-Lame grown-up answer: put it into savings for the future
-Fun childish answer: fund my arm piece and Bowie tattoo (when I can finally get them done)

8. How far have you flown? Are you afraid of flying?
-Vancouver to Munich was my longest international flight, Van to Halifax (east coast of canada) was longest intercontinental. I quite enjoy airplanes

9. How many countries have you visited? Which one was your fave? In which would you like to live until retirement age?
-Traveled to…. USA, Netherlands, Belgium, France, Italy, Austria, Germany, Costa Rica. Costa Rica was probably my favourite/living choice (I spent a month & a half working at an ecological reserve with sea turtles, so there’s really no comparison;) ), but for Europe I did find Paris and Salzburg to be SO charming, of the cities we visited

10. What are 3 things on your wishlist these days?
-Impossible things! A pregnancy (hah), a dog, and 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep

11. Tell us 2 things on your bucket list.
-fluency in a second language (not my garbage Franglais that I stumble through now)
-run a marathon


—————————–
Now, my questions for YOU.

1. Tell me about your favourite childhood pet.

2. If you could learn everything there was to know about a particular topic, what would it be?

3. You have to tattoo one inspiring word to yourself on your body. What is it?

4. Do you have any hobbies?

5. You get to spend the day with a celebrity/musician/artist. Who is it?

6. If you could be great at any sport, which one would it be?

7. Where would your dream home be located? Tell me about it.

8. In which fictional world would you like to spend a year?

9. Pick a superpower. Any superpower.

10. What is your favourite drink?

11. Are we mutuals? Why did you start following me? (Vanity, thy name is April)

I tag…
@queenxolivier @the-flame-and-hawks-eye @insertcaffeine @minifloye @nofearinfailure @capthawkeye @littlebean-jellybean @thosewhoearnit @theysangastheyslew And anyone else who wants to do this!

anonymous asked:

Just need to get this out! I'm 18 but I still have a curfew since I'm still in highschool. Anyways, tonight me and this guy went out and just were hanging out and driving. Not really doing much except talking. Long story short we ended up almost driving out of our state because we weren't paying attention, just laughing and having fun, and I was super past curfew when I got home. Totally worth it. Ive liked him for so long and he finally kissed me and I'm not even sorry that I got grounded tbh

This is what I love to hear! You’re making so many good memories and this low key made me grin so hard! :’) I can’t believe you guys finally kissed! Are you an item now or are you just taking it slow?

I love that you guys just said “yolo” and kept going haha! I honestly wish I could just do that right now. I’m so happy you finally got your man, bb! :’) 💕

anonymous asked:

Legit every time I rewatch the part where Iris sings RHTY, I can't stop smiling. She's so precious. (I'm also pretty sure those smiles/laughs were 100% Grant and Candice, especially in that moment lol.)

AGREED. Again, it isn’t hard for them to come off natural in those scenes because I think it’s just them. Barry’s smile was so genuine and cute. 

when you look at how many things i write for jack, i mean every single word i say. and when he replied to me one day with “this means a lot to read and put a big smile on my face :) thank you!” i always look back at that moment and just smile so much. it means so much to me that one of my most favorite people saw what i wrote for him and even replied to it. he never fails to make me smile or laugh. he doesn’t even have to like or reply, him being able to read what i wrote for him means a lot to me already. i mean, he replies to so many of his fans on a daily basis. he replies to tweets, posts, fan art, messages, etc. since jack had a huge impact on my life, it’s going to be really hard for me to ever forget him. i could write this paragraph all day long, but, just to make things short, he makes us so happy and we make him so happy. all the messages we write him, all the fan art we draw for him, all the edits we make of him, all make him happy. his videos make us happy. we care so much about him and he cares so much about us that he’s willing to do anything possible to make sure that we’re happy and okay. thank you jack (i know you said that we shouldn’t thank you, but you deserve every single thank you) 💚

I need prayers (again) (always). Not just me. The whole court. Our whole caseload. Everyone who knows someone on our caseload. Everyone involved even remotely with the justice system.

Just pray for us. It’s a struggle, sometimes, to see the wood for the trees, to seek real justice, and to dodge red tape and shitty rules to make sure it’s carried through. It’s hard not to start laughing at unfunny things so they won’t hurt so much. It’s hard to look each other in the eyes. It’s hard to come home and not hate what you have because you meet so many people who never had a chance and who never will. It’s hard to look in the mirror, sometimes, even, because you start to see what your clients see and it’s not a pretty sight.

My mother just looked at me in the face and said I ruined her evening with my brother and I start fights with my stepdad are you kidding me?

The two of them laughed at me when i was trying to explain what Gender Was. And everytime I act smart they laugh. It wasnt about I did wrong she is just not listening they treat me like crap.

As soon as I find someone I am leaving and never coming home again. I am not taken seriously by anyone and I am done working so hard when they dont want accept me.

I honestly need a ledge talking down before i do something stupid.

Like hell the red lion is gonna let keith go so easily

bonus: black paladin, out. *throws double peace signs*