i know you say you like it

10

You always talkin’ about what you give and what you don’t have to give. But you take, too, Troy. You take…and don’t even know nobody’s giving.

Fences (2016) dir. Denzel Washington

creating my own “school” frankensteined together out of materials i can find online in order to learn about subjects that matter to me or that i’d like to create works based on is honestly the ideal, not getting into academia. unfortunately my adhd and anxiety and stuff make both hard (though what i want to do still feels significantly easier)

2

Whose bad end is this again?

aka thoughts that keep me up at 2am if we had his ROUTE

2

Funny how that works, huh?

killing stalking and captive prince are the kind of things you can’t really….leave a patient private message to someone about. they’re not things where the bad in them is subtle. they’re not something people can say “i didn’t know” about. they’re blatantly bigoted and disgusting and you shouldn’t be giving second chances or sending careful messages to the people that actively consume and/or produce content about them. end. of. story.

there’s something about even’s little nod in this scene 

because even knows. he’s not oblivious, he notices the way isak reacts to his presence, to him. he’s been noticing him for weeks, weeks before they first met. he saw the way isak was when he came over to his place the previous week, he saw the look in his eyes, the light in his eyes, he saw the way he smiled and laughed, he noticed the changes in his voice. he probably memorized his facial expressions and the things he said last friday. kept replaying them in his mind every single day, in class, before going to bed, when he was with other people 

earlier in that episode, when he came to give isak his snapback, in a matter of seconds, he understood that isak hadn’t told his friends he had gone to his place, he understood that he didn’t want them to know. because he sees and understands. he remembered the cardamom on the cheese toasties five weeks later, how they were sitting on the floor of his room as they ate them, he remembered isak saying he had a drop of water in his throat, he remembered isak talking about parallel universes. because he pays such close attention to isak and the way he looks and moves and speaks and all the things he says

do you think that even, who saw this boy on the first day of school, who was probably looking forward to seeing him even when it was just at school, in public, in rooms and hallways with other students, would not notice how isak was acting? notice the way he’s been looking at him the moment he showed up at his place for the pregame? the way he starred at him when he kissed sonja and looked at him straight in the eyes? how tensed he was as he told him about sonja and how they’d been together for years? the intonation of his voice as he said his okay’s (been together since we were 15. okay. can’t dump her. okay). do you think that even who’s been desperately trying to spend time alone with this boy he was falling for would not notice the smile that spread all over isak’s face when he realized that even was messing with him, the smile he was trying to stop it, in vain? do you think he would not sense his attraction to him? the vulnerability?

of course even notices. and since he came to see isak in his kitchen, he’s only been kidding, pretending not to be serious. but with that little nod, he grows more serious. with that little nod, it’s like he’s saying i see you, i see it, i’ve seen you for a while. it’s reassuring. it’s okay. it’s understanding. i know, isak. i know. me too

i can’t stop thinking about what kind of criers dan and phil would be. i feel like dan’s crying would be a slow build up. his eyes just get watery at first, and he tries so hard to keep it in, but eventually the tears start cascading down his cheeks. he’d get a runny nose and his forehead would crease out of frustration because he hates crying, but he does it all the time. when his crying hits its peak, he’d be a blubbering mess, wiping furiously at his tears and constantly blowing his nose. he doesn’t like to be comforted while he’s crying, but when he’s finished and all that’s left is tear stained cheeks, he’d cling to the closest thing, preferably another person that would play with his hair, rub his back, and comfort him quietly.

phil on the other hand is a quiet crier. it happens really suddenly because he’s not afraid to be emotional and soft. his tears build up and he doesn’t try to hold them back. his eyes get red and puffy, and he tries to wipe away the tears quickly with his sleeve. he gets sniffly, but hides it by taking deep breaths through his mouth. his eyes are glossy and doe-like when his crying reaches the climax. he likes to be held the whole way through, even if it’s just someone holding his hand or resting a hand on his knee. physical contact calms him down and helps him feel more real. his favorite thing is when people rub their fingers up and down his arm, it nearly lulls him to sleep, but it distracts him from whatever it is he’s crying about.

and only 47 i'm gays in my i'm gay account

“I grab both sides of her face and force her to look at me”

“I don’t want to ever see you like that again.”
“I’m alright. I’m still here. Okay?”

Satya “Symmetra” Vaswani & Sombra

“Why do you struggle?”   “What’s the fun in playing fair?”