Ausonius, Epigrammata 31 “In tumulo hominis
on my ashes pure wine And
the sweet-smelling oil of spikenard, o stranger, And
add to that balsam and deep red roses. My
urn spends its days in endless spring, Knowing
no tears; and I have merely Swapped
out my lifespan, not ended it. None
of the joys of my life of old Have
perished, whether you suppose That
I recall everything or nothing at all. Sparge mero cineres bene
olentis et unguine nardi,
hospes, et adde rosis balsama
puniceis. perpetuum mihi ver agit
inlacrimabilis urna et commutavi saecula, non obii. nulla mihi veteris
perierunt gaudia vitae, seu meminisse putes omnia, sive nihil.
Funeral pithos from the Greek Protogeometric B Period (ca. 850-800 BCE), depicting a goddess with upraised arms, thought to be the Potnia theron (Mistress of Beasts). Found at the necropolis of Fortetsa, near Knossos, Crete; now in the Archaeological Museum of Heraklion. Photo credit: Zde/Wikimedia Commons.
Is your period ever like one (1) day late and you get the pregnancy panic and you start thinking like damn?? What if there’s a for real embryo poppin off in there omg? Like actual human life dear heavens!! I’m too broke to be a mother?? I don’t even know what my opinion on spanking or circumcision is yet tho?? My child’s mental health is like 98% influenced by how I raise them, I???
And then your period is like “sup” and you sit there like oh papa bless 🙌 🙏
WHY U DO THAT?!? 😂 I'm legit in my hotel room staring at the ceiling trying not to "EEEEEEEEEE" in front of my fam 😁😁😂😙 (also, I was preparing to send "obv it's messy with some hairs hanging out" before I even read it 😍😍 #MESSYBUNS4LIFE)
Trying not to go “EEEEEEEEEE” huh? Try this on for size! >:D
Stiles let out a soft yawn, setting the kettle that was boiling back on the burner. It was late in the day; enough so the sun was starting to dip low enough to paint the sky a myriad of pinks, oranges, and purples. The skylight overhead provides exposure to the natural artistry, bathing the loft in its glow.
With deft hands Stiles grabs the two mugs of tea, maneuvering his way towards the fire escape with memorized ease. He knows where the coffee table is place and he knows how the couch is at a slight angle.
The window is open, curtains flowing with the wind filtering inside.
As Stiles was approaching he could finally catch a glance at Derek who was sitting on his mountain of pillows, eyes reading the thick book he got from the store on 5th.
Here he looks soft.
His feet are crossed and currently covering them were mismatched socks. He chose his thumbhole sweater to combat the slight spring chill in the air. As of recent Derek is letting his beard get thick and scruffy, covering his cheeks well. Currently his hair is up in his iconic bun, baby hairs and strays framing his face and the back of his neck, some strands sticking out from the bun itself.
Stiles can stop the smile that crosses his face.
“Put the book down bookworm.”
Derek looks up with an unimpressed look, bookmarking the page– “Stiles what did you do??” “Um, marked the page?” “You’re an idiot, you don’t fold the page! Use a bookmark!” –before sitting up.
Stiles sat on the window sill, handing over the boring mug for Derek. He gets the Jaws one every time.
“Thank you,” Derek says, blowing on the steaming liquid before taking a sip.
Stiles smiles, pushing his glasses up on his nose before letting his forehead rest on Derek’s. His free hand trails up Derek’s back and neck until his fingers are tangled in the contained inky hair on top of his head.
Derek’s small laugh is like music and the peppering of kisses he put all over Stiles’ face got him to laugh too.
“I love you,” Stiles says, teeth worrying at his lower lip.
Derek grins, “I love you too…come ’ere.”
Stiles ends up with himself between Derek’s legs on the fire escape, back pressing the other man’s front, both watching the sun set across the cityscape. It is in this moment they both know they wouldn’t trade this for the world.
hi! when i try and paint in ps, i can always see the brush strokes and can't seem to blend, even with the mar-ka brush (u know the one for blending i think). Do you have any tips for this problem? Thanks, hope everythin's ok for you!
1) It’s your lucky day, I did a post about blending not so long ago, you can find it HERE (look at question 2)
2) The “stroke effect” can also happen because of the type of brush you are using. If you are new to PS, you can try to blend with a soft edge brush and go progressively, layer after layer, at a low opacity. If you try to go too fast, the brush strokes are gonna be visible and the skin of your character (for example) is gonna look like a zebra. xD
Otherwise, the Mar-ka brushes are very good but you also have very good brushes in the PS default brush set, particularly the one at the top.
Good luck to you anon, I hope I answered your question. ♥ I’m gonna leave you now, it’s time for breakfast :)
Monica how are you? I want to know what is your favorite character on 19 days, honey! xoxo -sorry my awful english-
your english is
perfectly fine, anon, don’t worry!!
okay, so, this
question kinda hurts my heart a little if i have to be honest,
because i am deeply attached to all the 19 days characters, at least
when it comes to our main four boys, so it’s really hard for me to
pick just one!! if i really had to, though, i’d say that right now my
favourite character is guan shan!!
this is kinda funny
to me because when i first started to read 19 days my favourite was
zheng xi, so you can imagine just how upset i was when the fight
between him and guan shan happened and how much i disliked guan shan
for hurting him. if two years ago you had told me that he was going
to become my favorite character, i would never have believed you!!
the fact that i completely changed my mind about him in this period
of time, it’s really a testament to how much of a great job old xian
did with his character, and it’s also one of the reasons why i love
him so much. as a literature major, i really appreciate how he didn’t
have the classic redemption arc you would usually expect from
antagonists who later in the story become friends with the main
characters: old xian simply showed us different sides of him
throughout the chapters, let us see glimpses of his past and his
struggles, made us see who he truly is, and that was enough to make
him likeable, whichy is absolutely amazing to me!!
i also just really
like his personality tbh, i love how much of a hothead he is, but how
at the same time he also has a more quiet and emotional side to him,
and i really admire how despite everything that happened to him he
keeps picking himself up and moving forward, he’s really strong, and
i love how he never goes down without a fight: he was used by she li,
and he tian often pushes him around (even if he has good intentions),
but he is always demanding basic respect and by god he is going to at
least try and fight people if they try to order him around and look down on him!! he’s not
a passive character, and i love that about him!!
im very interested
about his past and his relationship with his dad as well, and i enjoy
the one he has with his mom a ridiculous amount, it’s just so funny
and heartwarming to me, it’s probably one of my favorite dynamics in
the story. add to all this the fact that i am absolutely enamored of
his character design and color palette, and you get why in the end i have to pick him as my favourite, i just really love everything about him!!
Did a nice long walk this morning. Grabbed an iced coffee and some peanut butter. LOL. I’m unsure if I’ll go to the gym later or call this done. Getting the heart rate higher than a walk really helps with the cramps but I’m seriously so wiped and plenty happy I already didn’t lump around all day as it is.
I might walk more later on or just lump on the couch with a heating pad and the cat all day. I slept pretty well last night but I wanted to point out something kind of hilarious. I know I probably talk about my cat a little too much but a lot of my sleep recordings have been looking like this lately because Simone starts nudging me, cooing, and trying to snuggle when she becomes attention-starved in the middle of the night (and is hoping she’ll be cute enough for an extra early breakfast). I adore this sweet, funny cat so much. Every day I’m so overwhelmed with joy that I get to take care of her.
During my walk, I listened to Red Hot Chili Pepper’sGetaway album.
i’ve been thinking about emotions a lot lately. i just realised i’m alive, merely surviving but alive. i don’t think many of us deep that people lose their lives every day. however in realising i’m alive, i realised i have an amazing repertoire of emotions that colour my existence, for better or worse. remorse, joy, fear, sadness et al but most importantly, love. love is something, you know? it can make you perform all sorts of self-sacrificial acts. it can make you cry, smile, make you feel light and also make you feel crap about yourself. sometimes i feel stupid for choosing to love people who hurt or speak badly of me. other times i feel really good for loving them, just because God is love. but yeah, love is some extra emotion (really extra) that i feel blessed to always feel because there’s no greater emotion than love. because i know even when i have nothing to give, that’s all i can offer. because i know the love i show towards others will be reciprocated, in the most random of ways more than i could ever imagine. besides, all that is good flows from the love we feel and the love we give out, right? if there’s love, there’s grace. and grace is a state of awakening to the gifts of life. hence, i stay winning regardless. the end :)
HELLOOOO i love your blog guys 💯 May i request a scenario where Tsukishima's feeling really tired and fed up so s/9 puts on some slow music, sits on Kei's lap and wraps their legs around his waist and sways to the music? And theyre seated in the middle of his bed or sumthin?? Is this too detailed???? I thought it was cute??? I need kei fluff??? I love your blog so much omg
Babe I love you so much!!!! And this is perfect, I appreciate the detail though! It makes it easier to write and it lets me know what your looking for! And boo I love kei so much so this was a blessing to write. I kinda made tsukki have a bad day I hope you don’t mind!!
It was a really rough day for Kei. It all started out in the morning. His alarm didn’t go off and he was late for school then when he was rushing to school it started to rain and downpour on him leaving him drenched. But somehow his day slowly went more downhill..he failed a couple tests and during volleyball he kept missing the volleyball, and he got hit twice in the face by a volleyball. He just kept looking forward to walking home with his s/o. The time finally when practice was over and he rushed outside and there you were waiting for him. You waved at him and walked over and grabbed his hand gently
“Looks like you had a rough day..You okay?” Looking up at him and cupping his face gently you gave him a smile and started walking with him.
“I just had a bad day was all, I just want to go home and relax.”
Giving a small nod you and Kei finally reached Kei’s house and you pull him upstairs. Sitting him on the bed yo turn on some light, soft slow music and gently sit on his lap and wrap your legs around his waist. Feeling Kei wrap his arms around your waist you gently rub his back and sway to the music.
“I know you had a bad day but its okay now, You’re at home with me and nothings going to bother us now”
Kei smiles softly at you and gives you a gentle kiss then mumbling into the kiss he says, “I love you so much.”
I’m feeling really shitty about my diet lately. I eat really well all throughout the day, I don’t even restrict myself. But the second I sit down to watch tv at night I ruin all of my progress by binging. I’m not even that hungry when I do it. It’s just like… an insatiable craving. Half of the time it doesn’t even taste as good as I imagined it would.
And then I wake up in the morning feel shameful, bloated, and mad at myself because it is never worth it. I don’t know how to stop this.. it’s really getting in the way of the progress that I’ve been making. It sucks.
My whole college experience is
nothing compared to those you see on your dear social media platforms. Most
people on my feed share their stories in college attached with their graduation
photo and with that I am so impressed with how they were able to conquer their
personal and academic struggles. Those kinds of people inspire me.
When I think of my own college experience,
I realize that I don’t have any extraordinary story to share. After all, I am just
a normal college girl who goes to school day to day with a bag full of
requirements, handouts and journals.
For those of you who don’t know,
I earned my degree from the University of the Philippines Los Baños.
I took up BA in Communications Arts and I majored in Writing. (Boring stuff, I
know. Haha.) I finished my degree course a year late; a supposedly four-year
course turned to five because hell, college was fun. At that time, I felt that
staying for another year is right for deep inside my heart; I know I am not yet
ready. There’s still so much to learn. Finishing college a little late? I don’t
care because I don’t have any regrets.
A little back story (kind of
related with this blog actually). I grew up in a small municipality of Los Baños
which has around twenty thousand households – quite large, but definitely not
small. I studied at a Christian school, one pedestrian lane away from UP Los Baños.
You see, I am an old folk in Los Baños. All my life years have been spent
in this town and so when I was younger, I’ve always wanted to leave – escape. Go
to some place no one knows me and create a name for myself. Hence, the blog.
When I applied for college, UP Los
was definitely not a choice, Diliman – Baguio were my top picks. But my parents
convinced me to put UP Los Baños on my application form because it
really is convenient to study here, so I wrote Los Baños – Baguio. Results came and
I qualified to UP Los Baños under the degree course, BS Forestry. I hated my campus
and I hated my course. Lyceum of the Philippines and UST were my remaining
options. During high school, I knew I wanted to pursue something related to
literature or the arts so for me, going to UP Los Baños with a BS Forestry degree
is a ‘no go’. But then again, my parents convinced me to push through with it.
Being the scared and weak person that I am, I heeded their advice and go with it.
My first year in college was
tough. Not only did I hate what I am studying, I felt that my blocmates hated
me. From the start, I knew that people around me are unlikely to befriend me or
to get to know me. My biology tutor told me ‘you just have that aura’. Until
today, I don’t know what she meant by that and I didn’t bother knowing because
at a young age, my parents taught me to stay silent and to never question when other
people raise their opinions about me. Towards the end of my Freshman year, I was
able to get my parents’ approval regarding my transfer to another course. I thought,
if I’m stuck here, might as well do what I am passionate about. I shifted to BA
in Communication Arts. Just like my Freshman year, I don’t have many friends in
this degree program. I am a go-straight-home-after-school kind of girl.
To gain friends and to learn how
to use the camera, I decided to join UP Photographers’ Society. I’ve always
thought that these bunches of people were so cool given the reputation inside
the University. Being the premier photography organization inside UP Los Baños,
I thought, it would be cool to be one of them… you know, do a little something
before heading home… do something that my usual go-straight-home-after-school
routine could be a bit different.
And I didn’t fail. My college experience
was improving. I gained friends, learned a lot, built connections, and probably
built a name for myself too. I realized that I am not that normal college girl
anymore. I am that college girl who loves photography with a lot of friends.
Soon after, UP Photographers’ Society thought
me to be strong and independent. When I learned how to socialize, I went to every
party, and explore what college has to offer. I met a bunch people and made
friends. I was a heavy drinker back then and I dated/flirted with a bunch of
guys too. (HAHA! College!)
Soon after, my grades started to
drop. I mean, I didn’t fail or anything but I know that I could have done a
better job to get a better grade. Soon after, I realized that the guys I’ve
been dating/flirting were a bunch of immature jerks who toyed my feelings, that
my so-called ‘friends’ were not really true, and that I am starting to ignore
my responsibilities in our organization. I had to reflect. That’s when I
realized to put all my efforts back in the organization. I realized that my
true friends are not those I met at parties but my brods and sisses inside the
organization. I spent most of my time inside the organization. Soon enough, I
was elected as a committee head and the year after, the president. Most people inside
the organization said that I got the positions out of pity. Probably, I did.
And I don’t want to comment on that because again, at a very young age, my
parents taught me to never question other people’s opinions of me, but because
I am still human, I tend to cry for feeling that I am not enough. I don’t blame
other people, if they think I am weak because I know that I really am. If there’s
one thing I am sure it is that I am stronger than who I am three or four years
ago. If I were stronger back then, I would have pushed going to a different school
or pursuing a degree course I didn’t like. But then again, all these are mere
excuses to people who don’t and won’t understand. I’ve said my sorrys and thank
yous to those who deserve it. And even if I didn’t receive the sorrys and
thank yous I deserve, I decided accept that things have their own courses.
On my last year in college, I
learned how to balance my priorities; I realized who my true friends are; I
knew who to trust with my feelings; and to where I should put all my efforts
This page is for the people whose
fingerprints never fade after touching my life:
To Ma’am Ayel, my adviser, for
being a blessing to me, the whole Humanities Department, and the universe.
Thank you for the being the coolest adviser ever!
To my BACA friends, Sir Moi,
Mckaye, Pau, Ella, Mariel, Martie, and Maine, thank you for always reminding me
that learning is beyond the grades on our transcripts, the four-cornered classrooms, and that no GWA can define a person.
To Young Entrepreneurs Society! Thanks for all the alcohol! You guys are the best drinking buddies ever!
To UP Photographers’ Society,
thank you for making me the person I am today. The passion I have for you will
continue to burn passionately as I go out to the real world. To you, I know I
am home. Thank you for blessing me with the most awesome batchmates! #FILTER
To my babies, Laureano,
Resolution, Histogram, Vennel and Debby, may you always grow in wisdom and in
To my closest college friends,
Mateo, Sims, Rein, Nico, Jim, Charles, Jermie, Joshua, Jeremy, Dadan, Mayen, Lia, Kuya
Mikey, Kuya Simon, Kuya Gelo, Kuya CJ, Ninang Ruth, CJ, Pat, and Sarah, thank you for all
the alcohol, fried chickens, and memories that we shared. I have so much of you
in my heart.
To Jahjiel, my life coach and
adviser, my soul sister, thank you for reminding me that happy girls are the
prettiest, and that to always see the good in people. Follow your
To Q, my college roommate, my
sister from another mother and father, my college best friend, thank you for
being there. You are the kindest person I know. You deserve all the goodness of
To the ‘sexiest bitches’ in my
life. Thank you for always reminding me that true friendship defies space and
time. I love you all to death, Kriztle, Mae, Pau, Althea, Kariza and Sam.
To my childhood best friend, En,
who always got my back. Always remember that wherever we are, our memories will
always stay with me.
To Earl, my geeky photographer,
my study buddy, the Ron to my Hermoine, the Shang to my Mulan, the Jon Snow to
my Ygritte, the mitochondrion when I don’t have any energy to go through
anything. You are my inspiration. ‘After all this time?’ ‘Always.’ ♡
To Daddy, Mommy and Kuya for
being the most supportive people in my life. All that I am is because of you. I
And to myself for being the
strongest person I know. May you always remember that the greatest escape is
never about where your feet can bring you but where your heart is home.
nunc scio quid sit amor. ♡
My five years in UP Los Baños
taught me to stick to my principles, to stand up for the things I believe in,
to be nice to people not because I am genuinely kind but because they deserve
it, to know when to give a shit, to know when to accept a criticism and to
ignore it, to learn that I can’t please everyone, to know that what other
people say about me says more about them, to choose my friends and make an
effort to stay friends with them, to love solitude and embrace it, to choose the
people whom I trust my emotions, feelings, and secrets to, to not say a word when I am
angry, to listen, to remember that words are sharp knives and that people will
stab you a million times with it, and most importantly to love without
reservations – to love with no extent even if it hurts, even if it seems foolish,
to give myself the love I deserve and to let myself free.
Day 1: The Sweet Hello, The Sad Goodbye
Write about a time Reyes had to say goodbye to someone important in his life - maybe when he left Earth, or maybe when a lover, even Ryder, walked away. Or you can choose to write about an important first encounter in Reyes’ life. Maybe it was his first ‘You look like you’re waiting for someone’ with Ryder in the bar, or his first time meeting Sloane. The choice is yours.
Okay so I know I’m super late to the party, but work has been stealing my time, and forcing a friend to watch The Librarians, but I’m working to catch up on Reyes Vidal Appreciation Week, I swear.
An unfamiliar man walked up to her as she lounged against the bar in Tartarus, arms crossed over her chest, in apparent boredom as she watched the patrons. Not that watching a krogan nearly get knifed by the Umi, the asari bartender wasn’t entertaining, but she didn’t have the luxury of time. And besides, watching a turian get beaten to death in the streets for not paying his ‘protection fees’ and being unable to do anything about it, had put Ivi in a sour mood. She wanted off this hellhole. The stranger stepped up beside her, his brown eyes roving over her, taking in her flame red orange hair that hung in ringlet curls around her face, and grey eyes that sparkled; Ryder was a very attractive woman, he noted.
“You look like you’re waiting for someone.”
He made a gesture between himself and Ivi, and Umi was suddenly at Ryder’s elbow, handing the newcomer two drinks, looking slightly nervous as he inclined his head in her direction; what had he done to get that kind of reverence? Not that he wasn’t attractive…in fact he was, ridiculously so. She bit her lip, looking him up and down as she took the drink he offered. His black hair perfectly coiffed, and lean muscles filled out his outfit perfectly; she couldn’t help but stare.
“I’ve got time for a drink.” She shrugged.
A drink with a handsome stranger? Her day was already starting to look up. They clinked their cups together in silence before bringing them to their mouths, letting the whiskey roll over their tongues. And savoring what flavor there was. Maybe 600 years in cryo had dulled her tastebuds, because even if it didn’t quite taste the same, it wasn’t as awful as she thought it would be. He smirked at her as he lounged against the bar.
“Shena.” He said, shaking her hand. “But you can call me Reyes. I hate codenames.”
“Really? I love them, makes me feel like I’m doing something dangerous, especially the one I have now: Pathfinder.” She rolled her eyes, even saying it out loud she didn’t believe it. “I was kind of expecting someone more…angaran.”
He chuckled, a deep throaty sound, that sent a shiver down her spine.
“The Resistance pays me to supply information–among other things.”
“So you’re a smuggler.”
It wasn’t a question.
That smirk again, as he shrugged nonchalantly and motioned for her to follow him to the window. They gazed out over the landscape for a moment, and she realized maybe Kadara was beautiful in it’s own way, just not the port. Sloane’s ways had certainly ruined her view of the planet, but without toxic water the planet could be considered pretty, not like Aya or Havaarl, but pretty nonetheless. Reyes bumped her arm gently with his as he stood next to her, bring her back to the matter at hand.
“Your man–Vehn Terev–was arrested by Sloane Kelly, leader of The Outcasts. Word spread about what he did to Moshae Sjefa.” He shook his head, one hand on his hip. “The people are calling for his execution. And Sloane…she’s a woman of the people.”
She could hear the disdain and disbelief dripping from his words when he talked about Sloane; that was not how she’d put it, not after what she’d witnessed happening under Sloane’s regime. She may have started out that way, but now she was nad with power and was using force and fear to keep herself on the throne she’d created for herself. Had she really come thousands of light years from home, slept for 600 years only to end up in the middle of a damned gang war? Outcasts, Outlaws two words for two groups catching other people in the crossfire and it needed to stop.
“Dress it up however you want. She’s a criminal.” Ivi spat.
That stung. If she knew some of the things he’d done to survive, would she still be standing with him so casually? He knew he should keep his distance, but something about her was drawing him in, making him want to get to know her better, protect her. Maybe it was the aura of power she exuded, that didn’t come from her title; it came from her very presence, but underneath, there was a certain vulnerability–hidden where no one could see unless they did the same thing and would recognize it. Maybe the two of them weren’t so different…
“You work for the Initiative. Sloane was part of the uprising on the Nexus. I doubt she’ll give Vehn up easily.”
Sloane wasn’t going to be able to stop her…
“I’m taking him–with or without her permission.” Ivi drained the contents of her cup.
He shot her a smirk; this man could be dangerous, but part of her found it alluring. The sexual tension in the air was not lost on either party as Reyes watched her for a minute. He liked her; she was headstrong, determined, inherently good, and crazy sexy beautiful. This woman…Ryder–god he didn’t even know her first name–could destroy everything he’d been working so hard to build, and there was a chance he’d let her, if the heat in her gaze setting his blood at a low boil was any indication. He’d never learned not to play with fire.
“We’re going to be friends, you and I.” Reyes grinned. “There might be another way to get to Vehn. You work Sloane. I’ll talk to the resistance.”
He nodded at her, turning to walk away, but her voice stopped him.
“How do I contact you if things go south?”
Reyes just winked at her and left the bar the way he’d come in, making her roll her eyes; that wasn’t an answer. He seemed to know this bar really well, so maybe if she asked around here if she needed him, word would get back to him that she was looking for him. She was dazed for a moment, shook her head to clear it and started out of the bar the same way. Ivi was not looking forward to dealing with Sloane again, at least Reyes was a lot more agreeable…and terribly attractive; she had to be careful or she end up distracted from her real purpose here: activate the vault and fix the water and setting up an outpost.
“Hey, you gotta pay!” Umi’s voice stopped her in her tracks.
That son of a bitch…
Ivi pulled up her omni-tool to wire the credits to the bartender, sighing exasperatedly. “Keep the change.”
Sara was awake before him again. He could hear her as she
shuffled in the dark of his apartment. He had always been a light sleeper. He
watched her in the sprinkling of twilight as she dressed in her uniform,
smoothing out the rumpled lines. The bathroom light turning on and he watched
her brush her hair with her fingers, eliminating any sign of her clearly having
just been fucked. Washing any traces of her lover from her skin.
“Leaving already?” Reyes finally spoke causing her to
“I was hoping to not take up more of your time. I know how
busy you are lately.” Sara deflected. It was true. No truer than her work. They
had become two stars dancing together brightly before passing, the two always
in orbit, and rarely touching.
He frowned. “I thought you didn’t have to return to the
Nexus for a few days.”
“SAM forwarded me a message from Director Tann.” Sara said
It was nice of her to
not make the AI lie for her, he thought bitterly to himself. “All right.
What does the Initiative need so badly that they wake one of the two human
pathfinders… and not even the one on the ship.”
They had been doing this pull for months. “You are upset.”
Sara turned to him.
“Correct me if I’m wrong but you already had SAM hail the
Tempest from one of the local moons your brother was investigating. Tell me if
I’m this is just an excuse to leave my bed.” Reyes growled.
“Reyes…” She sighed and came back to where he laid on the
bed. Gently moving the blankets down and kissing up his body to his neck.
“Sara…” He groaned, that all too familiar heat rising. “Answer
She stopped and moved to look him in the eye. “I have to go,
Reyes. You know that.” She said evenly.
“You keep leaving and coming back…” Reyes swallowed, “you
promised me a few days. No initiative ‘Scott has it’ but that isn’t true is it?”
“Reyes.” She closed her eyes.
“If you want to leave…” Reyes whispered. “Leave. I can’t
handle much more of this.”
“Is that what you want?” Sara looked at him in the eyes.
They reminded him of a man so long ago. “This is Kadara,
Sara, it is never about what we want.”
Took the beautiful being carrying my first born @diamondjadeh out for a day in the park. She’s been kind of stressed lately and she knows she has to take it easy now that she’s with child. D already knows I’m gonna stay on her about it, I like to wreck her nerves a little bit but I think I need to chill before her pregnant strength kicks in…
Answer 20 questions and tag followers you want to know better.
1.) Name - I have a really long name tbh 2.) Nickname - Ria 3.) Zodiac - Leo ♌️ 4.) Height - 5′7 5.) Ethnicity - Filipino 6.) Orientation - Bisexual 7.) Favorite fruit - mango, pineapple 8.) Favorite season - rainy season // probably autumn?? 🍃 9.) Favorite book - Harry Potter series (#HarryPotter20 ✨) 10.) Favorite scent - i have no particular fave?? idk i can’t think of one 11.) Favorite color - different shades of red ❤️ 12.) Favorite animal - cats!! 🐱 I’m scared of dogs, but they’re cute 13.) Favorite beverage - alcoholic: red wine 🍷 ; non-alcoholic: iced tea 🍹 14.) Fav hours to sleep - I like sleeping early and waking up in the middle of the night lol 💀 i get around 3-6 hours of sleep; if i’m lucky, i get 8 hours 15.) Favorite fictional character - Magnus Bane the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and Alec Lightwood the Head of the New York Institute 16.) Blanket number - one is enough for me 17.) Follower number - 704 😌 18.) Blog created at - December 2009 (yes, I’ve been here for a loooong time) 19.) Fun factoid - I’m really slow when going down the stairs because I’m scared to miss a step and fall down (that happened to me when I was in the 5th grade and ever since then I’m so paranoid and afraid of stairs lol) 20.) Favorite flower - sunflowers 🌻
If we aren’t squad goals then what is?
(These are like a week late omg i’m sorry but I’m so grateful I got to experience Vegas, 120 degree weather, the NHL Awards and the expansion draft with all of you guys. I might have almost passed out a few times but it was worth it to spend the few days we had together ❤️) @kentseyes@bradenholtgay@timomeier28@ovechkink
You know, the other day I received a message about how my blog (of late) has shown the process of mourning, of letting go, of self love and of self worth and it moved me to the point where I would like to talk to you about how I really really arrived here.
Sometimes we fall in love and then sometimes, unfortunately, it hurts in the end and we get so ashamed trying to process what happened, what we did, whether we are the problem, whether we don’t deserve to be loved and truly - I am sitting here with all authority letting you know that the longest and hardest process of life is learning to love yourself. To be fully committed to yourself because you have come to know just who the fuck you actually are. And I say this with emphasis because that means that you acknowledge and understand your flaws and also your gold and you still choose to be the person you are in love with.
I stress this because, for the sake of being candid, I fell extremely hard about 2 years ago and it ended in trauma. It really ruined me and the fact that I am reduced to tears just typing this out lets me know that I did not imagine this. It was real and it really fucking hurt. I spent the past 2 years being an empty vessel; drowning in work, blowing money, sleeping around with no attachments, cancelling people, starting a business and losing all will and interest to keep it going the minute we faced challenges, going on week long drinking binges and developing a dangerous alcohol addiction where I was as I’ve confessed to my best friend and also my therapist, “drinking to die”. I’m not proud, but it’s honest. It really has been the deepest I’ve been depressed and I think the fact that it was not obvious on the outside to many really enabled the whole thing. So the thing about it is, I look back and I realize that although he sucked for what he did it was not actually about him and I don’t think it ever was. I realize that (bare with me) God was alerting me to something. This was not the first time but it certainly was the last and here’s why:
I only really got it a few weeks ago. It took the original heartache from 5 years ago resurfacing for me to understand why these situations overlapped and why they happened the way they happened and the truth is that until now I had not actually fallen in love with MYSELF. It may be cliché but I promise you it is true. Until you fall in love with yourself in such a way, a way that is unmatched, the way a mother loves a child, the way God (if you’re a believer) loves you, you will come to understand why no friend, no lover, literally nobody else can make YOU feel small after that. You will never feel that you are too much when someone tells you that nor will you feel that you are not enough because you recognize who you are in all your mess and all your glory and you love yourself still. So if I’m not responding to texts or picking up calls or noticing you - it’s definitely the case. It has been a very personal journey and although I have kept most of the labour to myself; the first step was recognizing that there was a problem and I I feel I am in a position where I am strong enough to share and hopefully uplift someone else. It is wild to think that I am only 24 and harbored this much hurt inside of me. Right now I am drinking less, eating better, meditating and recently, working out and I am very dedicated to the process. I am very protective of this space right now and I hope it’s forever. I have absolutely no time to spare for the sake of it being wasted.
I have no great big conclusion. I had just to let that out. I can’t remember when last I felt this excited (if ever) and I can’t express how grateful and blessed I feel that life has given me better days
Hi everyone! So I know its a little late but I hit 3k! So as a celebration I thought I’d do a follow spree? Hopefully I’ll be able to do a giveaway for you guys 💞 Bht if you’d like a follow back, just like this post.
Have a nice day cuties ❣️