i know there are other lady winners!!

Has Anyone Made This Comparison?

So I was going through the books I loved as a kid today, and:


The Westing Game:

Sam W. Westing, a rich old gentleman, dies and leaves a strange will, cocerning some family history and calling the benefactors, who are seemingly random people, to find out who murdered him. The winner will inherit Westing’s fortune.


The benefactors of the will, who barely know each other and have little if any blood relations, try to win The Westing Game. Danger and mystery unfolds. Westing’s murderer is supposedly out for everyone.


The 39 Clues:

Grace Cahill, a rich elderly lady, dies and leaves a strange will, cocerning some
family history with a Treasure Hunt, naming seemingly random people as benefactors.
The winner of the Clue Hunt will find the Master Serum, which makes you the Utltimate Human 2.0.

The benefactors of the will, who barely know each other and have little if any blood relations, set on the quest. Danger and mystery unfolds. There is a fifth branch of the family, supposedly out for everyone.

Tension between boundaries

Member: V

Genre: Side smut

Description: He’s a friend…that’s all he is. Or well, all he’s supposed to be. It’s not right…you know it isn’t. But still, you can’t imagine how right it would feel to just cross these boundaries and act on your selfish desires…

Requested by: @blackflame21

Request: A scene where kookie/V challenges you to the pocky/papero game and can you make it smut-ish?

“Player 2 - Winner! Player 1 - Loser” flashed in big, bold letters across the screen, a grin of triumph slipping onto your lips. The boy next to you groaned loudly before falling back onto the floor, dropping the shiny red controller in defeat. Covering his dark, chocolate eyes with the crook of his arm, he sighed in exasperation before grumbling in an annoyed tone;

“It’s not fair. How have I not won a single match?”

“That’s because you suck at games TaeTae.”

Lifting his arm, he narrowed his eyes as he glared at you from the floor. You tossed him a smirk over your shoulder, before turning you attention back to the game on the screen.

“Come oooon. Let’s play another round so I can beat you for the 34th time.” You grabbed a chip from one of the open packets in the mess of snacks and soft drinks, popping it into your mouth as you started selecting your character.

You were sitting in V’s room, the small television set sitting on a wooden coffee table against the cream coloured wall. His bed sat in the corner, dark blue covers and white pillows covering the structure, and a shelf was mounted on the wall with an array of books (mostly comics) balancing on the piece of wood.

“No way, I’ve had enough poundings to last me a century.”

You rolled your eyes, but put off the console anyways, feeling a little sorry for the boy who was so inept at playing games. Moving over, you flopped down onto the boy, your head resting against his abdominal. He gave a grunt, groaning again as a chuckle escaped past his plump, pale, pink lips.
“Y/N~, get ooooofff. You’re so HEAVY,” he moaned, giving a cry as you elbowed his side.
“Shut up Taehyung, or do you want to get beaten in real life?”

You could see the corners of his lips pull into a sly smile, his voice questioningly teasing.

“Is that a challenge?”

He suddenly sat upright, his toned arms firmly wrapping around your waist to hold you captive against him.
“Wah! TaeTae let go!” you laughed, and burst into a fit of giggles as he started tickling you.

A small wrestling match started, him trying to tickle you, and you furiously trying to escape his wrath. Breaking free of his torture-inducing fingers, you fell down onto your back, your chest still rising and falling in mirth.

His hands placed beside your head, he hovered over you, his short, champagne pink hair falling like a curtain around his face. The sunlight that broke through the windows softly bathed his features in gold, cascading over the strands of hair and gently outlined them in shining copper. He smiled, one that showed the crinkles around his eyes, and the lines around his mouth. Damn it, he looked like perfection like this…

You were both breathless, wide eyed and caught up in the exhilarated feeling of being near each other, the touch of one other. A moment stood still in time, where you just stared into his ebony eyes, so close you could sit up and kiss his stupid lips if you wanted to.
Rolling over, you were on top of him, a surprised expression flashing across his flawless face. You had both stopped smiling…maybe it was because you knew something was wrong…or maybe something was right? You weren’t really sure anymore…you just felt so damn strange right now.

It was always like this with him…this unresolved tension between you two that both of you always chose to ignore. The vibe of something that could be more than friends, yet never was. You had this line drawn between you two, you were never allowed to cross. The boundary was understandable though…you only met V because you were dating Kookie.
The two of you instantly hit it off, and became friends almost instantaneously. However, after Jungkook broke it off with you, there’s been a weird feeling between you two…like the chalk line on the concrete had been smudged. Like it could be erased at the slightest touch of your hands…

Moving closer to him, he made no move to stop you, his hands fitting against your hips like they were tailored to belong there…You wondered if you would do it…no, you were already doing it. This is wrong…this feels right…your head was in turmoil. It was already too late, that’s what you told yourself. If it was a lie or truth, it didn’t matter anymore.

“YN…” He huskily spoke, your breath hitching in your throat. You don’t think you had ever heard him speak like this before…

“Y-yeah?” You sounded a little nervous…maybe a little unsure…but excited too, to know what he had to say. To know where this could take you.

“Your hair’s in my face, it tickles.”

There was silence. Dumbfounded silence. He…this boy…Taehyung, you idiot.
Flicking his forehead, you growled “moron” before moving off of your spot on his chest. Ladies and gentlemen, the infamous Taehyung. Who doesn’t know how to read the mood for shit.

The boy suddenly gasped, reaching for a small box amongst all the other sweets.
“I just had a brainstorm”

“You need a brain to have one of those TaeTae” you retorted.

“Shut up freckle-face.” he shot back.

Holding up a colourful box of milk and chocolate pocky, a grin was plastered across his face; a very concerning grin for that matter. You already had an idea of where this was going…

“I challenge you to a game of pocky; winner gets to order the loser to do whatever they want.”

The cocky tone in his voice told you that he was planning on winning. Your competitive side that came out when you were with him was itching to accept the challenge…but this was dangerous. Your self restraint would snap if you did something like this…no. Rather not…the tension was bad enough as it already is, and the boundary was already wavering.

“TaeTae, that challenge is stupid.”

He raised a questioning eyebrow, a mocking lilt slipping into his voice.
“What’s wrong Y/N? You scared of loosing?”

At that you got up, and confidently walked towards him, seeing his insulting expression falter. Sitting down on your knees, you snatched the little box from his hands, pulling out a milk pocky.

“Prepare to loose Taehyung Kim.”

At that he smirked again, biting the edge of the pocky as he said between his teeth;

“Prepare to eat those words.”

Leaning forward over the boy, you bit the other end, an adrenaline rush already starting to consume your body. Both of you started biting at the opposite ends of the sweet, your lips inching closer by the second. It wasn’t really clear who had the lead, but it felt like time had slowed down to an excruciating rate. You just couldn’t get to his lips fast enough.

There was only about two centimeters left between you and a heavenly, guilty transgression. It was a sin you had both agreed to commit, and winning didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was crossing this damned chalk line…finally throwing this stupid boundary out of the way and just indulging yourselves in this tension, this crime, even if it’s labeled that way. You were about to close the gap between you two, when you heard V sigh, and release the pocky.

Looking over at him, you could see guilt in his eyes. Of course…what else could be there besides guilt?
He glanced at you, biting his lower lip in frustration before sighing heavily again and running his slender fingers through his downy hair as his dark eyes left yours.

“You were right, this challenge is stupid…I should’ve never suggested it. Sorry Y/N…”

His eyes of rosewood caught yours again, and you could see him grimace. Why? Was your expression that pathetic? Did he pity you? No, maybe he looks like that because he doesn’t have the guts to-
Guts to do what exactly?! Betray his friend? Nice going Y/N…man, you’re such a freaking idiot! Lowering your head, you only nodded. This was the last time…even you knew that. It had to be at that moment or never again…shit. Where do you go from here…? Where were you supposed to go from here…

Clenching his teeth, the boy cursed under his breath, his big hands cupping your cheeks.

“Oh screw it it all to hell.”

Pulling you in, he finished the pocky in one bite, his lips crashing against yours in an intense, sweetly, sinful kiss. Your wide eyes took in his scrunched up ones, as if it he was being torn apart by both regret and relief…
Ah…
He erased the chalk line.

Closing your eyes, your hands flew to his silky hair, tangling your fingers in the light strands and feverishly kissing back against his perfect lips. It was hot and rushed, as if you had waited a thousand years for this. Disconnecting from his lips from his for a second, you whispered between your frantic pants;
“What took you so long?”

He desperately latched onto your lips again, talking in between his frenzy of kisses.
“I know I know, I’m sorry…”

Breaking away, he pressed his forehead against yours, still cupping your cheeks with his hands. You were both out of breath, the way his heavy breathing sounded against your ears driving you absolutely insane.
“But Jungkook is my friend…I didn’t know what to do with…with this.”

It sounded like he was in pain…maybe he was dealing with this far longer than you…maybe since the moment you walked into that house, and shook the large hand with the slender fingers, that looked like they were made for pick pocketing.
From the moment those hickory eyes met yours, and he smiled politely, strained. When you smiled back, introducing yourself as Y/N and found yourself surprised at the shocked expression that graced over his face. He stared a while longer before smiling…and this time, he smiled. The one with the crinkles that you adored…the one with the lines, and the one that made you want to laugh…maybe it had been since that moment.

“Y/N…” He murmured, grazing his rose, pink lips against yours before you molded your mouth urgently against his, feeling his tongue slide along the entrance of your lips. Withering at the feeling, you eagerly granted him access, moaning at the new found pleasure. Your whole body felt like it was burning, the heat intensifying with every long awaited touch. He yanked you onto his lap, his hands finding themselves on your hips again. You were kissing V…Taehyung’s mouth was on yours… This was unreal. This was so unreal.

He battled for dominance over your mouth, but you refused to grant it, your tongues in a passionate duel for power. Pulling away, you gasped for air only to have him catch your lips with his, slipping his tongue into the moist slot of your mouth.
This time you were caught of guard, moaning into the kiss as your mouths moved in wet ecstasy.

Hearing the sound, he kissed you harder, his fingers hooking themselves through the loops on your denim shorts. Parting from your lips, his eyes hungrily scanned over your flushed face, glassed over eyes and devoured lips. That was him…that expression, that look…that was all because of him.

Running his lips over your collarbone, he left an open mouthed kiss on the crook of your neck, dragging his tongue across the sensitive skin.
“TaeTae” you whimpered, pressing your hips against his in an attempt to increase the friction. He gave a low hiss, suddenly lifting you up in a single motion. You threw your arms around his slender neck and wrapped your legs around his waist, your lips locking again to send tremors down your body.

Tossing you onto the bed, you heard it creak under the boy’s weight as he climbed on top of you, tracing your jawline with kisses before nibbling on the lobe of your ear. He grabbed your flashy earring between his teeth, a soft mewl pushing past your lips as he pulled on it before his rough voice brushed against your ear.

“I won the pocky game, so you have to do whatever I tell you to…”

A seductive smile played on your slightly bruised lips, as you traced a line down his chest with the tip of tour index finger, speaking in a soft, sensual tone.

“What do you want, TaeTae..?”

Sitting up in a straddling position, he teased the hem of your black T-shirt, his eyes becoming half lidded and a wolfish grin creeping onto his features as he said in a husky voice;

“The shirt…take it off.”

You stared at him in disbelief for a second. This cheeky, sly bastard. But it only held a second, chuckling softly to yourself, thinking that he really was an idiot. He could have asked for anything, but instead chose something he could have easily done himself. It didn’t matter though…it was kind of cute in a way…

“Your wish is my command…” you sweetly replied, humoring the boy.

Crossing your arms, you grabbed the flimsy edges of your shirt, slowly and deliberately pulling it up and over your head and gradually revealed your bare form. Tossing the shirt to the floor, you looked up at him from under your thick lashes, teasing a lock from your loose hair by twirling it around your finger. All you had on at that point, was your denim shorts, and very lacy, very revealing black and strawberry coloured bra. You couldn’t help but revel in the boy’s expression.

“Damn it Y/N…god you’re sexy.”

He peppered your collarbone with kisses, playfully tugging at the straps of your bra. You pulled at his hair, gasping as he flicked his tongue across the edges of your exposed breasts, his hands snaking around your body to tease the material with his digits. Your head was becoming more cluttered by the second. Everything was moving so fast, but it didn’t bother you. You had both been waiting so long for this, fantasizing about it every day to the point of insanity…

You felt his hands on the clasp, and felt warmth seep into your cheeks. You weren’t usually nervous, but this was one thing he’d never seen before…damn it, this was so awkward.
Noticing your embarrassment, he tenderly kissed you, gently speaking against your lips.
“Getting shy now, are we?”
You giggled, kissing him back, a little deeper this time.
“Idiot, just because it’s you…”

You lost yourself to his lips, thinking that if you could just kiss this boy forever, how nice that would be…time would become a foreign concept, and you would just-
Your brow furrowed as you paused, thinking that this has kind of been going on form a while now. He suddenly released your lips, fumbling once more before covering his face with his hands. Startled, you felt nervousness creep over your skin.

“W-what’s wrong?”

The boy groaned, still keeping his hands in place. Was it just you, or was his face as red as a tomato in summer?

“I can’t get the stupid clip on your bra loose” he mumbled through his hands, a familiar, dumbfounded silence occupying the room.

You groaned loudly, falling backwards onto your elbow and dropping your head back in exasperation. A heavy sigh, filled with annoyance.
Idiot. Moron. Stupid. Simpleton. Dimwit. Imbecile.

He hugged your body tightly. Plopping his chin onto your chest.
“Y/N~ don’t be angryyyy…” He whined. You tried to hide the smile threatening to spill over your lips, but he had already seen it. Grinning, he whimpered; “Yyyyyy/Nnnnn”
“Pfff, you idiot.” You chuckled, finally giving in to the boy.
At that he beamed, kissing your navel before adding in a whiny tone, “you can never stay mad at your TaeTae” and with that he promptly blew a raspberry against your belly.

Bursting out in giggles you threw your arms around the boy, ruffling his hair in affection.
“Yeah, but you can’t read the mood for shit Taehyung,” you laughed, earning a pout from the boy. He held you close against him, delicately bestowing a loving kiss on your forehead, before rubbing his nose against yours, causing you to softly giggle into your hands.

The boundary was gone…you had indulged yourself on this relentless tension…
In it’s place was just sweet adoration for this boy, and the impatience for more and more memories with him. The affection you had waited so long to receive, and even longer to give.
Infatuation with his hair, his eyes, his hands…such fondness and yearning for this boy, that tou were sure you would only be able to look at him.

You weren’t allowed to tell him that yet though. That would most certainly spoil the fun of showing him instead.

“Hey, TaeTae…”
“Hmmm?”

You grinned at the boy, mischief dancing in the corners of your eyes. Reaching for the little box beside the bed, you pulled out a chocolate pocky, tapping V’s nose with the end of the delicious and tantalizing sweet. A sinful little sweet, that held a little secret between your lips.

“How about round two?”

~end.

(Final) Show Diary of Stuff Noteworthy Only to Me, Day 28 (End of Daves)...

It is Sunday, around 1:30 pm, as I write this. If you must know, my boss of 24 years, Dave Letterman, is where he always is on this day, somewhere on Pit Row at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. His driver, Graham Rahal, is currently running ninth with 132 laps to go. Maybe by the time I finish this, he’ll be further up on the others. And so will you people….

If you must know, I feel relieved and extremely proud. But that’s all I can give you right now. Mercifully, for the purposes of this exercise, how I feel is not important. You saw it, you know how it made you feel. That’s all that is relevant, practical and real. But I can take you through the last day and maybe they will be something there. Something else. Something else, like that last 78 minutes we all had together.

THE MORNING: I am not a superstitious man, but I do love subtle symbolic gestures. So, I decided to wear the same grey glen plaid suit I had worn to the last show at NBC 22 years ago. I didn’t think of it until Chris Albers posted that photo of me on Twitter at my desk. I knew I still had the suit, and I hoped it still fit. In the spirit of rigorous honesty, I could have worn it as is, all zipped up and buttoned, but I might have passed out somewhere during the Taco Bell remote. So, I had my dry cleaners take out the pants an inch. I got a lot of compliments, and when I would tell people the significance of the suit, they would look skeptically until I produced a photo or two from my pocket.

THE WORK DAY: The final show had been lovingly built brick by brick by Barbara Gaines over the last six months. Her title was Executive Producer. Her everlasting credit will be my best friend. By the time we all turned up for work Wednesday, there’s was almost nothing to do. Almost. The four tape pieces (Kids, Taco Bell, Day In The Life and the final montage) had gone through their last incarnations and had been signed off on by Dave. The guests for the Top Ten had been booked. We knew there may be some final changes to the list, but that wouldn’t happen until rehearsal, which was five hours away….which is like a generation on a strip (nightly) show. So, for most of the morning, everyone was kinda antsy. Antsy like Alan Shepard in the cockpit of Freedom 7 (”Let’s light this candle!”). We just wanted the show to start.

The monologue, my main responsibility (along with Steve Young), had been put together the night before. We never do it this far in advance, but because there were no jokes based on topical material and Dave wanted no distractions on the final day, we compiled it just after the Tuesday night taping and just before a 7 pm technical rehearsal. We settled on 11 straight jokes and five enhancements (one live element – the giant print on the cue card, and four short tape pieces) for 16 total jokes, which is the number we usually shoot for. We knew if we got anything on Wednesday that we really liked, we could slot it and replace what we had. We monkeyed with the order a bit, but the Tonight Show joke (written by Mulholland and Barrie, aka “The Boys” even though they’re Dave’s age) was always going to be first out of the chute. In 24 years, I remember a handful of times when the opening remarks had been set a few hours before the taping (Anniversary shows, the first show at CBS, the first show after his heart surgery), but never the day before. 

For those of you who really want the complete monologue deconstruction, we started with 22 jokes under consideration (on cue cards) and we quickly got down to 12, then 10. The last two jokes cut were a mini-run, I now enter a new phase of life: Moping…. I now enter a new phase of life: Shouting out answers while I watch game shows…. They were cut because he had done a joke that day, I now enter a new phase of life: Googling “foods that help your prostate…”  which he felt was the best version of that premise and it didn’t make sense to revisit. So, we had 10. We were one short. I pitched a joke to him written by Steve Young that he had passed on: My son is not clear on what’s going on. He keeps asking, “Why does Daddy have to go to prison?” He remembered it and laughed and realized we had nothing in the monologue on his family. So, it went in. Over the years, I have pitched a lot of jokes in the eleventh hour and I would say he’ll take one for every 20 I offer up. It was especially gratifying because it was a Steve Young joke, and it didn’t sound like anything before or after. The final breakdown of jokes was also pleasing in its numerology: 3 for The Boys, 3 from Chris Belair, 2 from me, 2 from Steve Young, and one from Chris Albers, who wrote jokes at the old show when he was Paul’s assistant before moving on to a 18-year career running Conan’s.monologue. Chris was one of a half dozen former writers I invited to contribute to the final opening remarks: Gerard Mulligan, Adam Resnick, Larry Jacobson, Frank Sebastiano and Jeff Stilson. They were all touched and grateful to have the chance, and I loved that one of them scored.

Even though we had a monologue, the main opening remarks writers (me, The Boys and Belair) pretended it was just another day and turned in our submissions at the regular time, along with the freelance guys. Dave considered a couple, but nothing made it through. My last effort looked no different in format than my first, which I typed on an IBM Wheelwriter and turned in Monday, October 21, 1991, except that just under Opening Remarks  Scheft  5/20,  I wrote the last line of Catullus poem #101 (Atque in perpetuum, frater, ave atque vale.). In the makeup room, he asked me to translate the Latin, and I managed to not choke up when I said, “And into eternity, brother, hail and farewell….”). Truth be told, there was one joke of mine I would have loved him to slot in under the wire: 35 years ago, I stopped drinking. I think that’s long enough, don’t you?  

The three of us (Dave, Me and Todd Seda) ran through the cards three times, just like always. We ended up replacing one of the taped elements (”Me in 2 Weeks”) with a Steve Young piece called “Comedy We Would Have Done Tomorrow,” a beautiful last deep wink and nod to the notion that we were cluelessly continuing as if the show was not ending. We kept the hologram of Dave saying goodbye to the staff and the cultural impact moments from “The Simpsons” and “Wheel of Fortune.” For once and at last, everything was in the right order. 

Rehearsal, which I only attend if I’m in a sketch, was noteworthy for two moments, neither of which I witnessed. After the Foo Fighters had run through “Everlong” live for the first time to accompany Barbara Gaines’ epic montage, she leaped onto the stage and hugged Dave Grohl.

Six months she had worked on this, her singular swansong after 35 Dave years, with Randi Grossack, Mark Spada and a battalion of self-doubt. Can you blame her for lunging?

The other moment happened during the Top Ten rehearsal. 8 of the 10 celebrities were happy with the lines we had written for them. Tina Fey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus wanted to consider other takes. Julia settled on a line written by Mike Leech (”Thanks for letting me take part in another hugely disappointing series finale….”) which the next day was proclaimed the “winner” of the Top Ten. Tina took something a little more subtle and much more pointed (”Thanks for finally proving men can be funny….”) That line, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and ladies, was written by Caroline, whose last name I don’t know. I don’t know because she was the writer’s intern and we never got that formal. But on the last day of the last show, she scored the final two entries on the final Top Ten. Oh yeah, she already had Bill Murray’s line (”Dave, I’ll never have the money I owe you….”) We were all genuinely thrilled for her. This 21-year-old has all the resume she needs going forward. I will be happy to help her in any way I can. But I’ll need her last name. (UPDATE 6:30: My pal Brian Koppleman found her on Twitter. Caroline Schaper @carolimeschaper)

Our final day together in the dressing room preparing for the taping was remarkably similar to all that preceded it. Dave, Me, Nancy, Barbara, Jude and Matt laughing about something from another show, another year. Jane with the makeup. The only difference was Les Moonves stopping by to say hello, and at 4:26, many people yelling “Biff is coming!!!!” for the last time instead of just wardrobe person Natalie Fowles. Dave walked slowly down the stairs to the stage door, as he always does.

THE AUDIENCE WARMUP: I don’t remember much. I looked out and saw Regina and Harry, both beaming, and I had to look somewhere else. So, I looked to their right and saw Donna Reilly Roboto, who was Dave’s nurse during his heart surgery and then came to visit Adrianne half a million times when she was in the Cornell Weill Cardiac-Thoracic ICU with chemo poisoning, in Sloan-Kettering after successful esophageal cancer surgery and in our living room during the long slow recovery. So, you’ll understand if all I remember was Dave’s very last line: “This is the most important show of my life….”

THE TAPING:  You’re gonna have to believe me, there’s nothing to report. Zero. Move along. Nothing to see here. Show’s over… The taping ran 20 minutes long, which means nothing was edited out. Nothing was redone (5/27 UPDATE: Nothing EXCEPT the intro to the Taco Bell remote, when Dave mistakenly said “1976″ instead of “1996,” which is why in the redo it got a knowing inside laugh from the audience). You saw what everyone else saw. So… I’ll leave you with this incredible photo by Pulitzer Prize winner John Filo, snapped seconds before the end of the final commercial break:

It was a long long last break as they set up for the Foo Fighters. The band must have played Ian Hunter’s “Central Park and West,” Dave’s favorite New York City song, for ten minutes. Around minute ten, Paul looked at Nancy Agostini and pointed to his watch. That is where we are here. Nancy is staring at stage manager Eddie Valk, waiting for him to give the 30-second cue. Todd is holding the last cue card, THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT, which Dave will utter at the end of his final remarks. Me? I’ve already said the last thing I will say to my boss: “You know how to do this….” I cannot tell you exactly what I’m thinking here, except I can see he’s happy. Hell, anyone can. I know he’s okay. I know he’ll be okay. So, if I had to write something in a thought bubble for me, and I’ve made my living with words, the best I could come up with is “What now?” 

(Seriously, though, can we give it up for the suit?)

You want to know if I got emotional? Just once. In the middle of the Final Montage, in the middle of that masterpiece, I looked over at the podium just as Nancy Agostini grabbed Barbara Gaines and threw her behind the podium so she could observe what she had so lovingly wrought on the podium monitor. That elegant, beyond affectionate gesture was not lost on me. Three years ago, Gaines had chosen Nancy to replace her after nine years running the show from the floor. In the 33 years between NBC and CBS, Barbara Gaines had been behind the podium longer than anyone. Barry Sand, Robert Morton, Rob Burnett, Jude Brennan and Maria Pope had toiled before her. Then Nancy, the very first writers intern at NBC who I have know since she was 20 and living in an all-women’s hotel, and who, like I have to tell you, is not from this Earth. For Barbara, giving up the tiller was not easy, but necessary and an act of supreme humility. And now, she got one last moment at the podium. The last moments of the last show. That got me. Good Christ, that got me.

Enough. Race is over. Rahal finished 5th. Didn’t get the podium. Thanks for indulging me these last 28 days.  As College Boy would say, “Some guys just live right.”

My time is up. You’ve been great. Enjoy The Truants….

5. Katya (Season 7, 5th Place & Miss Congeniality; All Stars 2, TBD)

“Katya is at the intersection of glamour and comedy. You can find her right on the corner, selling her ass.” The highest ranking queen from Season 7 on this list and another queen from the upcoming All Stars 2 season, Katya is one of the most loved queens to ever appear on the series. Like BenDeLaCreme and Pandora Boxx, Katya was a fan favourite eliminated at the top 5 spot leading to a huge backlash on social media. Katya was the only standout performer on her season and was the only queen who was in a similar league as legendary queens from seasons past. During her time on Drag Race, she won 2 challenges (RuHollywood stories and a sharing win for the dance challenge) and essentially did well in every challenge except the two she lip synced for (Glamazonian Airways and Hello Kitty Ball), although with the last one, it was debatable as to whether her or Pearl should’ve been in the bottom two with Kennedy. And when it comes to lip syncing Katya is one of the best. Her Russian Shtick includes gymnastic and other acrobatic tricks, and her “Twist of Fate” lip sync is one of my favourites, I mean who doesn’t like a slow split? Regarding the runway, Katya may not have been one of the high fashion queens on her season, but her campy conceptual looks still puts her much higher on the fashionable list than other queens from Season 7. Even RuPaul and the producers acknowledge that they made a mistake by letting Katya go home too soon when they jokingly called Katya’s name before announcing the winner to give Ru a glass of water. The primary reason though that fans love Katya is for zany personality and hilarious one liners. For being the most quotable queen of Season 7 I will end this post with some of my favourite Katya quotes:

“I don’t know what Miss Crab Lady is doing in that lipsync but the bearded hoe is turning it out!”

“Ginger’s transformation is pretty remarkable. She goes from Kathy Bates to Bob Hoskins.”

“I’m not a dancer, per se, but I can move my body in a compelling way – it usually compels people to leave the room.”

“When in doubt, show them your asshole.”

“I’m not actually that young, I’m just ignorant.”

“I believe it was the great American painter Bob Ross who said, ‘The key to a swollen vagina is… courage.’”

“I’m trying to just serve sexy and confident whore slutty cougar on the prowl. 3rd rate Faith Hill impersonator. 80% sexy 20% disgusting.”

“In Russia death and sex are the same. Cold, wet, dark and painful.”

“In America talk is cheap… in Colombia talk is… Spanish.”

“I don’t take anything personally, except most things.”

“I do not jump for joy. I frolic in doubt.”

“I touch myself so you don’t have to.”

And one of my favourite Katya outfit descriptions: “If Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio barely survived a meth lab explosion, and then she was cast in a porno musical of Raggedy Ann.”

these performanceverse plot bunnies are killing me

you know how john set up the holmes foundation for sherlock for their first christmas together

i want them to co-produce a competition show for high school age actors.  the winners get a four year scholarship to a perfoming arts college.

sherlock can be the head judge.  the other two can be a critic and a director.  john can be the contestants’ mentor along with one of their lady actor friends.

every week the high schoolers have a new acting challenge.  the two who are in danger of being eliminated have to have an act-off that’s totally improvised.

but all the contestants no matter how they do get a smaller scholarship and a free week at an acting camp.

sherlock tries to be all gruff and harsh and critical but he’s a softie for these kids who are trying to learn to be actors.  the kids are all in awe of their mentors and john has tons of feels about not having had a chance like this himself and how differently his career might have gone if he had and several of the kids are gay and worried about coming out and they go to john for help…

BUNNIES EATING ME

Smile of the day

So I overhear two elderly gentlemen talking over a newspaper in the library today.

Man 1: “Oh that’s the winner of Eurovision. Is that a man or woman?”

Man 2: “Hmm… has to be a man, don’t you think??”

Man 1: “You think so? I don’t know about that….”

Me: *can’t keep silent because CONCHITA* It’s a man, in drag. His name is Tom and… *explains further* *and yes, simplifying it a bit*

*and waits for a phobic comment or other….* -_-

Man 1: “Wow. Really?”

Man 2: “Yeah I figured those hips were a bit narrow for a lady.”

Man 1: “Hehe.”

Man 1: “Is that beard real?” *obviously jealous*

Me: “Well mostly… it’s real but dyed.”

Men: “Ah…”

Me: “And I think she’s absolutely gorgeous.”

Man 1: “Oh yes… she does have a beautiful face!”

Man 2: “Mm.”

Man 1: “I guess she’s one of those, what do they call them… queers??”

Man 2: “Yeah I don’t know.”

Man 1: “So pretty though.”

The… innocent confusion + immediate acceptance from these old men was so heartwarming. They sounded like two young children, just discovering the world and totally excited about it.

AHS: HOTEL

So this season is over, here’s an stocktaking of the show until now:

AHS top 5 best seasons:

1. Asylum
2. Murder House
3. Hotel
4. Coven
5. Freak Show

AHS top 5 best Sarah Paulson’s characters:

1. Bett and Dott Tittler
2. Lana Winters
3. Sally McKlena
4. Cordelia Foxx
5. Billie Dean Howard

AHS top 5 Evan Peters’ characters:

1. Mr. James Patrick March
2. Tate Langdon
3. Kit Walker
4. Jimmy Darling
5. Kyle Spencer

AHS top 4 Denis O'Hare’s characters

1. Liz Taylor
2. Larry Harvey
3. Spalding
4. Stanley Specer

AHS top 4 Lily Rabe’s characters:

1. Sister Mary Eunice
2. Aileen Wuornos
3. Misty Day
4. Nora Montgomery

AHS top 3 Angela Bassett’s characters:

1. Marie Laveau
2. Desiree Dupree
3. Ramona Royale

AHS top 3 Finn Wittwork’s characters:

1. Tristan Duffy
2. Dandy Mott
3. Rudolph Valentino

AHS top 3 Kathy Bates’ characters:

1. Madame Delphine
2. Ethel Darling
3. Iris

AHS Hotel best new cast members:

1. Matt Bomer (Donovan)
2. Wes Bentley (John Lowe)
3. Cheyenne Jackson (Will Drake)
4. Mare Winningham (Miss Hazel Evers)
5. Lady Gaga (Elizabeth March/The Countess

This season:

•Hotel was, for me (I’ve passed watching the show since 2011), FINE. Not bad, not super good, just fine. It was a little boring sometimes, the story tangled a lot and in parts I didn’t understand it, but for the charade they did with Freak Show, I think at least this season wasn’t that bad as season 4.

•As a lot of us have been saying it, Hotel gave to Evan Peters and Denis O'Hare their best characters of all AHS seasons. Evan’s talent has been overshadowed in the show a lot and obviously, I’ve seen how James March has been the pay to Evan for awful characters like Kyle. Evan always plays the good kid (yes, we love Tate because we think he’s a “”“good”“” kid), but March was supposed to be the bad man in this season, well, he was and that’s why we loved him. James March took us out from the same rutine to see Evan into the role of good kid, suffered and confused man who is taken by bad human but he isn’t. James was a VILLIAN, a REALLY GOOD VILLIAN and the best way to refresh Evan Peters into the show. I have to say that I dream with a season where Evan is the real starring role and he can show us finally his amazing talent and not only we have to see him in fifty-fifty, a season where he could shine with his own light.

Denis O'Hare was, for me, the revelation of all this season. THAT MAN KNOWS HOW TO ACT, ADMIRATION IS LITTLE FOR WHAT I FEEL FOR THAT MAN. Liz Taylor is maybe one of the best characters in all the AHS universe. Denis is always into the list of the underrated actors as so many good actors in the show like Frances Conroy, but I think this season he was the star of the show, he has had to be in all the seasons he has been in. Liz was the leader of the hotel, the sarcasm, the elegance, the great story behind this character was amazing, clean, beautiful. Denis had own light, he brought to his real life a little of Liz, and that only happens when you understand your character so good, you live it. Denis is a fantastic actor and, if he is in new seasons, please, GIVE HIM THE LOVE, THE ADMIRATION AND THE LEADERSHIP HE DESERVES.

•The not-curse at the end for the show: Lady Gaga. I remember when they announced that Lady Gaga was the replacement for Jessica Lange in Hotel and I was like “what the fuck is this?”. Well, I didn’t regret to have thought that but she surprised me, I thought she would be a disaster but she was good, she can act, at least. I think they accepted the propouse to put her into the show for publicity, and that failed them at little, I think. The ratings were low, comparting Hotel with Coven or Freak Show, so that means that it was one of the mistakes for them this season. Ok, Gaga was good, but not that good to get a Golden Globe… I’m not gonna be again the discord’s Apple, because some say she was, I say she wasn’t. ANYWAY, I feel like Gaga was a complement, I think they write the character to her so she can be in the show. Period. But they gave her almost all the attention, really unjustice with the other cast members, some of them have been for years in the show but it’s understandable, you know, she’s LADY GAGA, Grammy winner, known for her eccentricity and good music. Conclusion, I like her as SINGER, not as ACTRESS. Gaga, please, keep going with music…

•The performance of Sarah Paulson was stunning. She always leaves me blown away with her characters, I know nothing can make me get over Bett and Dott, but Sally won my heart since the first time. Sarah lived in the character so good and Ryan Murphy has to consider her more for villian roles, she’s good in it.

•Matt Bomer, Cheyenne Jackson and Wes Bentley. I want them for future seasons, I really need more of them. Matt was amazing, a good performance. Wes impresed me, he’s a great actor, but as leading role, he wasn’t that good, I feel like he needed more force, I don’t know… And, now, why the fresh hell I never haven’t seen Cheyenne Jackson before? He was amazing, I need more of him, he’s a potential actor, he needs a leading role more offend!!

•I have a dilemma with Chloë Sevigny. God, as the amazing actress she is, she didn’t showed NOTHING in this season. I think producers concentrated more in make Gaga look good than in the other members of the cast like Angela Bassett, Kathy Bates (SHE’S THE QUEEN, MAN, WHY THEY DID IT?!) And Chloë. We saw her in Asylum and she was stunning, and I think she could have a great role this season, but Alex was awful, a really bad character for an actress like Chloë who can show us her brilliant performances finally. I’m upset with it, they had to have priority with oldest members of the cast, I mean, they could make Gaga look good as same as they could make good characters to real actresses like Bassett, Sevigny and Bates. Angela and Kathy were overshadowed this season, but the most one was Kathy. Iris was good, yeah, but a flat character for Kathy: Iris was desesperate for the love of her son and what else? EXACTLY! NOTHING. Ugh, they despised Kathy a lot. Well, at least she could give us an innocent Iris, but that’s not enough.

•I want Lily Rabe back into the intro and I want a space for Mare Winningham in the intro. I want more John Carroll Lynch, Gabourey Sidibe, Anthony Ruivivar, and the little babies Lennon Henry and Shree Crooks (Holden and Scarlett Lowe) in future seasons. They did great roles in this season, some of them like Gabourey and John Lych were already in other seasons, but I need them MORE.

•Finally, we saw Hotel was connected with Murder House and Coven. I think it was a little cruel to kill Queenie, she was the only one from the Coven who I really liked.

•Best Episode: Devil’s Night

Worst Episode: She Gets Revenge

Favorite moments:

  •Hotline Bling (obviously!!)

  •The birth of Liz Taylor

  •Tristan Duffy’s crazy in the runway

   •Mr. March’s story and the building of the hotel

   •"Your boy has a jawline for days"
  
   •All those killers having a dinner with March

    •TRISTAN AND LIZ TOGETHER

    •The Countess’ head into the best place she deserved: a water box

    •"I googled you"
     
      “That sounds obscene”

    •Donovan saying mom to Iris before die

    •Liz Taylor’s reason to stop Will and Elizabeth’s wedding

10 Favorite Characters:

•Liz Taylor

•James Patrick March

•Sally McKlena

•Donovan

•Tristan Duffy

•Aileen Wuornos

•The Countess

•Will Drake

•John Lowe

•Miss Evers

(Thanks for reading this, it’s too long but I had the need to do it)