i know the tag has like 90 of these in it by now

Alright Guys

Yo can I just give a big shout out to my boy Alan Cumming, now some of you might be like whooooo??? but you’ll probably know him as the villain in Spy Kids  

or if not then he’s in the Good Wife and Nightcrawler in the older X-Men films. 

Now Alan Cumming is bisexual and totally open about it and has been for a long time, since the 90s, back when bisexuality was far less readily talked about than it is today (not saying there isn’t still huge bi erasure problems but back then they were way worse) so he was one of the few people publicly standing up for bisexual people back then which is super cool plus he’s done loads of work for AIDS charities and GLAAD so I reckon he’s a pretty awesome guy.

Now on CBS this fall there’s gonna be a show starring Mr Cumming called Instinct, it’s gonna be about a normal guy who’s a teacher but used to be a CIA Officer so now has to fight bad guys while trying to keep up with his normal life. The uber cool thing about this is that the main characters gonna have a husband and they’ll be trying to adopt kids and do cool things so this is gonna be the FIRST EVER Network Drama where the main character’s gay. 

How cool’s THAT?

So basically what I’m saying is let’s build the hype and get this show super successful so network execs will see that LGBT shows can have high ratings and be mega profitable :D

101 Writing Prompts

1. “I didn’t know you two were related.” “We didn’t either.”

2. “I’m not saying I’m gay, but I would be if they were asking.”

3. “I’ve tried my hardest to fall for you, but it’ll always be them.”

4. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.”

5. “I didn’t even want to come to this party. You lied to me about the pinata.”

6. “Spin the bottle is such a cliché. I’m in.”

7. “I have to go in there with you? I didn’t sign up to play 7 minutes in hell .”

8. “That’s not how you pronounce my name and I’m not even sure you tried.”

9. “Are you new here?” “We’ve been in the same math class for six years.”

10. “You really shouldn’t touch that… I told you.”

11. “I recognise you. Do you have a dog.”

12. “ You’ve never seen Harry Potter?

13. “Can’t we just lay here for a minute?”

14. “We have to stop running into each other like this.”

15. “Is it weird if I say that your dad’s really hot?”

16. “I know it’s 2am but can we meet up?”

17. “I don’t know how we ended up sleeping together but I know I’m mad about it.”

18. “Whatever you do, just don’t tell anybody!”

19. “I don’t come here often, it brings back unwanted memories.”

20. “They told me I’d forget about you; that I’d move on but it’s been three years and here I am.”

21. “I’ve waited so long for this moment, but now it’s here I don’t know how to feel.”

22. “You can’t just say that and then disappear!”

23. “I always hear my neighbour playing this beautiful music, but I’ve never actually met them.”

24. “Would it be alright if I pet your dog?”

25. “I’m so sorry to bother you this late but an owl got in my house and I have no idea how to get it out.”

26. “We can’t call the police! They’ll never believe us!”

27. “Why are you buying plane tickets? Are you leaving?”

28. “I swear I’ve seen them before in a dream.”

29. “I don’t want to be your partner either but we have to get this assignment done.”

30. “I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.”

31. “It’s your fault, and I don’t think this is something you can fix.”

32. “This isn’t easy for me either.”

33. “I would never do this to you if I didn’t have to. You know that, right?”

34. “Can you at least promise me that?” “I don’t think I can, not this time.”

35. “I’m sorry but it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that.”

36. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard to you want me to hit you?”

37. “I’d be scared if I were you.”

38. “You can’t go in there alone .”

39. “This seems like a lot of effort to go to for a mediocre joke.”

40. “Delete that picture right now or Mr.Snuggles gets it!”

41. “You didn’t go through my photos did you?!”

42. “Uhhh, I went through your photos and I have some questions.”

43. “I swear to god, if you tag me in one more bad meme I’ll make you regret it.”

44. “I really want to kiss you right now. I know I shouldn’t, and somehow that makes me want it more.”

45. “You have individual ringtones for everyone? What’s mine?”

46. “ Why wouldn’t you lock the door?

47. “Did you know kissing burns calories?” “I’m happy with my weight, thanks.”

48. “Your bad pickup lines aren’t cute, they’re just bad.”

49. “I’ll give you fifty bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we’re together. They always ask if I’m dating and I can’t have that conversation again.”

50. “I don’t think you’re ever too old for trick-or-treating.”

51. “We’re dressing up for Halloween this year and that’s final.”

52. “I forgot what we were fighting about in the first place.” “I didn’t.”

53. “Fuck you.” “Not with that attitude.”

54. “90% of people admit to having at least a slight bondage kink, and 10% are lying about it.”

55. “I don’t understand why you won’t just use a map on your phone.”

56. “You know my house has a door? You don’t always have to use the window.”

57. “The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did.”

58. “You know, I was joking in that birthday card when I said I’d help you hide a body.”

59. “Can we please turn off this song.” “But it’s a masterpiece .”

60. “I’ve known you for two years and I think I’ve been saying your name wrong the whole time.”

61. “Wow, you really are blind!” “Thanks for the update, can I have my glasses back now?”

62. “It might be petty but you borrowed my pencil three weeks ago and I’m gonna need it back.”

63. “I think they have a crush on you, which sucks because I’m kinda into them.”

64. “Just go and talk to them, they dont bite!” “What if biting turns me on? If they dont do it then what’s the point?”

65. “You can’t say that in front of children!”

67. “Seven years old is practically an adult.”

68. “Dude I ordered this on eBay and you have to see what they sent me.”

69. “I didn’t realise it meant so much to you.”

70. “I wish I was sorry, but I don’t regret any of it.”

71. “My friend thinks you’re cute, personally I don’t get it but this isn’t about me right now.”

72. “Not everything is about you!” “Untrue.”

73. “You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”

74. “This is why I hate family dinners! It always gets awkward.”

75. “This can only end two ways and neither of them are pretty.”

76. “Not everything can be butterflies and rainbows! Things get hard sometimes, that’s just how it is!”

77. “My mom told me I shouldn’t talk to strangers, and you’re definitely strange.”

78. “I can’t believe you fell asleep when I was showing you my favourite movie of all time.”

79. “You shouldn’t be out here alone, it’s dangerous.”

80. “I could lie here with you forever. I wish I didnt have to leave.”

81. “Everything’s changing and I hate it! I liked the way things were.”

82. “You look so incredible, if that didn’t look so good on you I’d probably tear it off.”

83. “Do you think they noticed that we left?”

84. “The funny thing is, you could have fixed this and you didn’t even try.”

85. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I’m only asking because it hurt when I did and I thought I might have done it wrong.”

86. “That was super cheesy and I’m lactose intolerant.”

87. “You didn’t tell me you were gay!” “You didn’t tell me you weren’t.”

88. “Your friend told me you had a crush on me, I just wanted to let you know your friend is a snake.”

89. “Are you staring at me or are you staring past me?”

90. “If you we’re a guy/girl would you go out with me?” “I am a guy/girl.”

91. “Sounds stupid. When are we doing it?”

92. “Can we tell my parents that I’m at your house, just incase they get suspicious?”

93. “This is the part in the movie where we kiss or one of us dies. My fingers are crossed for option one.” “Speak for yourself.”

94. “I’m offended that you don’t have more faith in me but, honestly, it’s understandable given past experience.”

95. “Its just a blind date! What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could literally die.”

96. “I would light myself on fire to keep you warm and you wouldn’t even hand me a coat if I were freezing.”

97. “I trusted you, and so I guess I should have seen this coming.”

98. “I had a really weird sex dream about you and I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly.”

99. “Okay, but this is the last time I bail you out!”

100. “All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop I’m going to kiss you.”

101. “I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

anonymous asked:

Hey! Regarding the sixpenceee fiasco I've been reading her posts and stories for like years and it might just be because I usually skim but I don't recall any specific stories that target mental illness. Do you have any clear examples??? Rly shocked tbh bc I used to love her

I’ve been seeing the stuff go around for a couple of years now and I admit at first I didn’t pay it much attention, which is a shame because a lot of those call out posts had good links that are now all gone because of people deleting. As a result, a lot of the initial stuff that made me start thinking more critically about sixpenceee’s posts have been deleted. I’ve spent the last few days trying to source them again via people’s new urls and internet archives, but literally 90% of the links are gone.

So, I’ve done a bit of digging of my own, and I’ve managed to find some still live posts that I think illustrate what I’m saying a bit better. I’ve screencapped them all and will be hosting the images myself independently of a specific post, so the links should always work.

I’m specifically focusing on the content of this ask here, with posts that use mental illness as entertainment, or treat it in the same way as regular “creepy” (i.e. horror) content.

  • The case of Margaret Schilling is a post about a woman in a psychiatric hospital who died after getting lost in the building, and her body wasn’t found for many weeks. There is a short paragraph at the end about how the hospital is apparently haunted by Margaret now, but the majority of the post focuses on her being mentally ill and the suffering she must have felt being lost and dying of cold and exposure. There’s also a picture of the stain her decomposing body left, so beware of that. It’s tagged #paranormal.
  • The Mentally Ill Man Who Cured Himself With a Gun is a post about a man with serious OCD who tried to kill himself by shooing himself in the head, resulting in brain damage that “cured” his OCD. The photo is of a man with a gun to his head, if that will bother you. It’s tagged as a science post.
  • Short Creepy Story is a story from Reddit where the “creepy” event is a schizophrenic woman acting strangely because of her hallucinations. That’s it. Dude’s mum is schizophrenic and he goes upstairs to find her in the bathtub thinking she’s in The Little Mermaid. The title is “short creepy story” so like, yeah.
  • The Child Star is a story from Reddit which focuses on children being sexually abused and not understanding what’s going on, and the police interviews with one of the grown up children who is now clearly suffering from mental illness thanks to the trauma. (Full story)
  • The Suicide Orphan is a story from Reddit which focuses on an orphan that drives people insane and results in them committing suicide, and I know that this isn’t the only example where sixpenceee posts things that use suicide as the main element of a horror story, which is exploitative and also I personally think it’s inappropriate to use something that comes as a result of serious suffering and imply that it was the creepy ghosts that did it. (Full story)
  • “Psychopath” post includes a link to a quiz where you can see where you “fit in on the psychopath sprectrum”. I’ve seen people mention her using outdated terms in her posts and so this is here as proof that it does happen, and also because “do you have a severe personality disorder?” is a bit of a cheap entertainment trick in my opinion.
  • Karin Catherine Waldegrave is a post about a woman who replies incessantly to her own posts on social media, believing she is the target of a conspiracy. It’s clear she’s likely mentally ill. The post is tagged #creepy.
  • Chinese Water Torture is a post about the torture method that drives victims to extreme stress-related mental instability, and is here both because of that and because the fact that it’s tagged #creepy, which doesn’t seem appropriate.
  • The Edmonton Train attack video shows someone apparently in an altered state of mind through drugs or mental illness (or both) attacking someone on a train. She gifed a video which has since been deleted but a different video of the attack can be found on Youtube, and described it as “insane”.
  • Drawings of a Young Schizophrenic Boy is exactly what it says – a bunch of drawings from a young boy suffering from schizophrenia. The boy is quite obviously distressed by his hallucinations but the post is treated like the other paranormal posts, designed to shock and scare. The post is also tagged #creepy, which is inappropriate. (Close up of caption and tag, as the image is difficult to read)
  • Made By a Paranoid Schizophrenic Patient is another drawing by a person suffering from schizophrenia, also tagged #creepy, and this one with a self-promo in the caption.

I also found a post where sixpenceee addresses the claims of ableism. She says she agrees on the points made about films and stories portraying the mentally ill/physically disabled as “scary”, and that she tries to avoid using words like “insane”. She also asks people to differentiate between her paranormal/creepy posts and her scientific posts. However, she still continues to frequently refer to things as “insane”, both as descriptors and to self-promote her blog (1, 2, 3).

This covers the things I’ve seen people claim she does, but if anyone has any other links (especially things saved from earlier posts like this) feel free to add on.

Witchcraft Asks #1-105

Here is the list of the 105 witchcraft questions I just finished answering. I answered one each day but feel free to answer them all at once or however you want to do it. Tag your it!

1. Are you solitary or in a coven?
2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?
3. What is your zodiac sign?
4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?
5. Do you work with a Pantheon?
6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or 
any other kind of divination?
7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)
8. How would you define your craft?
9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?
10. How long have you been practicing?
11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?
12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation?
13. Do you have a magical name?
14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?
15. What was the last spell you performed?
16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?
17. Do you write your own spells?
18. Do you have a book of shadows?
If so, how is it written and/or set up?
19. Do you worship nature?
20. What is your favorite gemstone?
21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?
22. Do you have an altar?
23. What is your preferred element?
24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?
25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?
26. What got you interested in witchcraft?
27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?
28. Have you ever used ouija?
29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?
30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?
31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?
32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?
33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?
34. Do you meditate?
35. What is your favorite season?
36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?
37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?
38. What is your favorite witchy movie?
39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?
40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.
41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?
42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?
43. What is your favorite witchy tool?
44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?
45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?
46. Do you practice color magic?
47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?
48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?
49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?
50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?
51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?
52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?
53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?
54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?
55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?
56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?
57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?
58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?
59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?
60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?
61. What is something witch related that you want right now?
62. What is your rune of choice?
63. What is your tarot card of choice?
64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?
65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?
66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?
67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?
68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?
69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?
70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?
71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?
72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?
73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?
74. Do you ever work skyclad?
75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?
76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?
77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)
78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?
79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?
80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?
81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?
82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?
83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?
84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?
85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?
86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?
87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?
88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?
89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?
90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?
91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?
92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?
93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?
94. What techniques do you use to 'get in the zone’ for meditation?
95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?
96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?
97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?
98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?
99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?
100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?
101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?
102. What is your favorite color and why?
103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?
104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?
105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?

Consider… for just a moment… chubby Katelyn…. Like her vixen outfit is a little tight and no thigh gap,, soft tummy,, soft girl,, listen:

- her fingers aren’t long and slim and she bites her nails until they bleed, but her hands are?? Adorable?? something about them that Aaron just loves,, what great place for a diamond ring, hmmm??,, ,
- she has the cutest dimples when she smiles tbh
- and right after a game,, when shes a little more out of breath than the other girls, and her cheeks are red, and her hair is falling out of her ponytail and sticking to her forehead,,
- wow im weak, what a beautiful and talented girl, I’m in love
- Aaron works out extra hard so that he can be Strong and carry her all day and give her piggyback rides because she deserves it
- once everything settles in the minyard vs minyard situation and its okay for her to hang out with the foxes more, she becomes the new designated innocent child that everyone dotes on
- The girls will take her clothes shopping and sometimes things don’t fit right and she gets sad and a little embarrassed because allison is in the dressing room with her trying to get the dress to zip up in the back but it’s just not happening
     - allison pops her head out the door and says something to Dan and then looks back and goes “this is absolutely fucking ridiculous, this dress is so cheaply put together, it’s not made to fit anyone, I bet even I couldn’t pull it off,”
     - Dan knocks and allison opens the door to take a new dress from her (it’s a little bigger) and she gives it to Katelyn while still ranting
     - “you know you almost have to go a couple sizes up just to account for the poor craftsmanship!!”
     - Katelyn knows that allison is being overdramatic to spare her feelings but she’s highkey grateful for it and this new dress?? Fits great??? And it looks hella cute on her?? So it’s a win/win
- hear me out,, I’ve learned some tricks for feeling good about yourself when you’re a little bigger and I’m here to tell you that Katelyn’s hair is long. like it frames her face perfectly and ends somewhere below her boobs, and its just kind of all over the place and in the way all the time but she doesn’t have the heart to cut it anymore
- she goes walking with Neil some mornings, and one time they walked passed this guy who started harassing her about her weight and she tried to just ignore him but Neil was NOT HAVING IT, he had to explain his bruised knuckles to Andrew later
     - Aaron overheard what happened and now he doesn’t hate Neil quite as much

- anyway yeah just,,,, consider chubby Katelyn,, please,

Ch 93: Not the end for Ymir?

Chapter 93 gave us the confirmation that Ymir has in fact been eaten by Galliard, Marcel’s brother, seemingly marking the ending point of her character once and for all. Given the context of the new episode, as well as the little focus or pages dedicated to her apparent last moments, many of us are very upset with the seemingly lackluster climax of her character arc; and her decision to abandon Historia to save RB and let herself be killed seems to go very much against everything her characterization according to many fans. 

The point of this post isn’t to argue about any of that, but instead, to illuminate a possible indicator that we may have not seen the last of everyone’s favorite goddess.

Please let us think back to chapter 50; one of the most impactfull and monumental chapters in the entire series, for many reasons. It marks the only time so far in the story that Eren has successfully manipulated the founding titan within him, the godlike power at the center of the current (and probably final) plot, aimed at his very first enemy; that alone marks a milestone in the series, not to speak of the various character interactions happening along the way. Among others, this chapter also marks the moment Ymir chooses to abandon Historia, the person she seems to care for more than anyone else, despite the fact that the coordinate marks a real hope for the walled world to survive the dangers Ymir is aware of. 

Now, despite the fact that this game changing power debuts in this chapter, the narrator this time around focuses on one arguably lesser important event: the aforementioned separation. Let’s look at it.

“At the time, we didn’t know what Ymir’s actions meant. But after that, the armored titan stopped chasing after us”-narrator, chapter 50.

This narration is interesting for various reasons. First of all, it marks one of the rare occasions in which the narrator is not impersonal, but in fact identifies with present characters. Other notable occasions of this include Kenny’s flashback in 69, and Eren’s description of the photograph in chapter 85 (both chapters with heavy plot and thematic value for the story, just like ch 50, if I may add). Here, the narrator refers to himself as part of a group, but opposes themselves against the armored titan, implying narrator is not part of RB’s team, but in fact of the Survey Corps escaping back to the walls (most likely part of the EMA, maybe even Armin himself considering Marina Inoue typically voices the narrator. We should hear that animated soon enough). 

That’s not the only thing the narrator is implying though. The use of the past tense as well as “at the time” is crucial. It literally means that, although they did not understand Ymir during chapter 50; at the time of narration, some form of understanding is clearly present. If, at the time of narration, the narrator was still as clueless as back then, there would be no need for “at the time” of past tense, but this particular formulation very much implies that an understanding of Ymir’s actions is very much there in the present time. And here’s the thing: even though Ymir’s death has been confirmed, our characters among which the narrator finds himself have yet to reach a point of understanding Ymir’s actions.

First of, let’s determine “Ymir’s actions”. Ymir herself is a big mystery to our cast, but according to the narrator, Ymir’s actions are what directly precedes the armored titan not following narrator and co; in which case, “Ymir’s actions” has to refer to her abandonment of Historia and her helping out R and B. In that case, the narration above implies the following: the narrator part of the surviving SC forces will eventually come to understand the meaning behind Ymir’s betrayal. Now, as of chapter 93, let’s ask the question: Does anyone present back then understand Ymir?

yeah……

Ymir herself expresses surprise at her actions, Ymir herself is unsure of her actions when writing the letter, which marks the most recent time anyone inside the walls has received information concerning Ymir. As of chapter 90, the last moment we spent with whomever the ch 50 narrator is, said narrator has yet to reach a point of understanding Ymir. OUR CAST STILL DOES NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF HER ACTIONS, AS FORETOLD BY CHAPTER 50. Isn’t that basically a confirmation that Ymir’s story isn’t done yet?

You may counterargue that its been 4 years and that Isa has changed his mind since, esp since he doesn’t want to drag the story out at anymore. But I find it so hard to believe that, in one of the most important chapters in the series, one that is still relevant to this day, the narrator focuses on this one plot point that simply ends up dropped over the course of the series. Chapter 50 is too important for that kind of redesign, wouldn’t you say? Who knows, maybe it’ll wind up different in the anime and will mark a retrofit by Isayama that fits better in line with 89 being the end of her story, but until we see it animated, I’ll chose to keep doubting that.

As for how Ymir’s story can still be told to our main cast? Here’s one possible option: Galliard

 According to the (admittedly bad) fan translation, Galliard understands Ymir and her wish to bring back her titan-something neither us readers nor the narrator in question do as of right now. Granted, this could just be terrible translation, but Galliard could wind up being the gateway between Ymir and the main cast. Or its something entirely different. In a story about time travelling memories, matter that forms out of thin air, and the literal power of a god capable of reshaping the planet and controlling an entire species, death seems like a far too small barrier to stop someone from being relevant to the story, one way or another.

Since the majority of this argument is based off the lines spoken by the narrator in 50, there is a minor chance this is all ridiculous blunder if the official translation turns out to somehow differ from the Japanese original, and if anyone knows if it does, I would appreciate if you could inform me. But otherwise, I personally will start taking those words from chapter 50 as heavy evidence Ymir’s story hasn’t fully been told yet. I don’t want to create false hopes for anyone, but until proven otherwise, I don’t think it’s too unreasonable to believe in it. 

Things People Have Said in my APUSH Class

- Who put the map on the back of The Declaration of Independence?

- People marrying for money seems to be a recurring theme in this class.

- I bought this Donald Trump shirt as a joke because I’m moving to New Zealand and I can watch the failure from outside the country, but I had to donate money to his campaign and it ended up costing me about $60.

- Is Pocahontas real?

- John Francis Fitzgerald is Edmund Fitzgerald’s grandpa.

- You know it, you love it, you smell it on the way to Chicago, that’s right kids, Gary, Indiana.

- Did Abraham Lincoln get shot because he revealed the location of The Book of Secrets?

- One time I saw Nicholas Cage at a parade and now we’re friends.

- The musket is a terrible weapon, Mel Gibson is a liar, and The Patriot is not a good movie.

- What do you mean New York City is on an Island?

- Someone on Tumblr sent me anon hate because I called Thomas Jefferson bae in the tags. (side note: I sent that person anon hate about Jefferson)

- Maybe Aaron Burr can shoot me instead so I don’t have to take the final.

- Can John D. Rockefeller pay for the textbook I may or may not have lost?

- Teacher: (describing an affair without saying they were fucking) They were getting to know each other in the biblical sense.

Student: What religion were they practicing?

Teacher: Baptist.

- Student: Why isn’t Lincoln on any paper money?

Teacher: He’s traditionally on the five…

- The Americans won the Revolution because they hid in the woods… like squirrels…

- Mrs. Lincoln was a female dog.

- Folks, watching the John Green videos is not enough.

- When you graduate high school you will not remember anything from The Missouri Compromise. What you will remember is “Ma, Ma, Where’s my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha.”

- Here are the three presidents I would fight, in order: Woodrow Wilson, Thomas Jefferson, and James Buchanan.

- And Hamilton was so pleased with himself that his bonds plan was being used yet again, so he rose from the dead, wrote a musical, and won a grammy

- If you’re..uh… sensitive.. leave now. *pulls out a copy of The Jungle*

- Student #1: He’s the richest man in the world! He sleeps on a bed of gold!

Student #2: Carson, are you telling me you don’t sleep on a bed of gold?

- Everyone from the Democratic Party wanted this nomination. Even William Jennings Bryan wanted it, and he’s dead.

- And then part of the tape was (air quotes) “ accidently” erased. *teacher aggresivley shakes his head*

- You will need to acquire, either by theft or by asking, a credit card to pay for the AP exam

- I just read an essay that compared the New Deal to Wilson’s actions during the Civil War. And it was one paragraph. Good luck on the AP everyone.

- Teacher: The AP is in 5 days. It’s time to panic.

Student: I thought it was time to panic 15 days ago.

Teacher: Some people didn’t get the message. Now it’s really time to panic.

- So is there like… a meal included in the $90 exam?

anonymous asked:

hello! correct me if i'm wrong but i think you're the jikook lover i follow who recently said they love reading fics?? so i was wondering if you know of fics/scenarios that build on that iconic hotel vlive when jimin may have been hiding in the bathroom? 👀 i thought about that last night and my imagination went kinda wild lol if not, any jikook recs will do! please and thanks! JIKOOK FO LYFEEEE💞

Hi Anon!! Sorry this was so late, the past week has been pretty wild for me. But anyways to answer the first part, no unfortunately I dont know of any fics that build off of that iconic vlive :( im sorry.

BUT that recent vlive came out right? With Jimin in the bath robe and that Jikook stare….ah yes. I know theres a couple of fics that build off or are just based off of that.

 A Private Conversation by ambers

 the jimin effect by euphoriae

I read these two recently and they were 👌👌 A++ would read again. As for my other Jikook recs, oh boi *cracks knuckles* here we go:


Blow Me Like Your French Horn by ohdizzy Chapters:8/8 >>> Ahhh! I love this fic!! Its so hilarious and adorable and such a great read honestly. I highly recommend this fic!!


Constraint by Harlot Chapters:1/1 >>> Basically Jungkooks journey from str8 to gay but oh, oh m a n, Its so beautifully done. Right from the beginning, all the emotions that Jungkook goes through are very real and the Jikook was developed so well. Please give this one a read.


He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (Seven Days) by jeonify Chapters:2/2 >>> God, this really is a tear jerker this one. Its very sweet and fluffy and angsty and just so perfect. You can never go wrong with soft!Jimin and internationalplayboy!Jungkook 😊


Dream Maker by graesun and Polkari Seuta (VeritasEtVita) Chapters:12/12 >>> okokokok guys, read this fic. You will not regret it omg. The perfect mix of fluff, angst, smut and more fluff, this fic is a snipet into the lives of Jikook, who are just barely getting by with what little money they have, but theres lots of kisses, laughs, some angst and cute domestic shit™ This fic made me feel so many things and I loved it so much!! Give this one a try guys.


Don’t Think, Don’t Speak, Just Smile for Me by Ragi Chapters:27/27 >>> This fic left me shook for a solid week man, good god. So soft, so sad, so real. I loved the realism regarding homophobia and idols in Korea. Everything in this fic is written with care, and handled very well, plus the Jikook is beyond soft. I enjoyed this fic sooo much.


Glass Diamonds by GinForInk Chapters:1/1 >>> Skater Jungkook, Dance teacher Jimin, A+ smut and fluff, read this fic.


Well Done! by annafeu Chapters:1/1 >>> Okay, I suggest giving the tags a thorough peek through before reading this one because its twisted as fuck, but so damn amazing. This one features Bunny!Jimin, Wolf!Jungkook lots of filthy smut and grade A Jikook. Really great read, however do please read tag warnings before starting if you think you might be uncomfortable!


The Hook series by miskeen >>> Cute as fuck, domestic as fuck, hot as fuck, fuck. Read all the stories in this series please, theyre all 10/10 amazing.


The Good Doctor by snarcsics Chapters:1/1 >>> Frick doods, this was some of the hottest, well written Jikook fics ive ever read. Featuring sex addict Kook psychologist Jimin, and some excellent office sex, yes.


two sides; same story by namjoone Chapters:4/4 >>> Basically Jikook are neighbors and they both secretly think each other are hot as fuck and they rly wanna bang but they wont actually admit it to each other, typical jikook lmao. Anyways, this is sooo good!! Super steamy and super cute 👌


I Know I Can’t Have Him (but I want him anyways) by Shealezz Chapters:4/4 >>> ft fuckboy!Jimin and innocent!Jungkook (also fwb v/min) man this is filthy lmao, but a fantastic read!! God bless innocent bottom Jungkook honestly. Amen.


A Touch of Sin by pettey Chapters:10/10 >>> One word. Beautiful. Absolutely, beautiful. Right from the start to the finish, this fic had me feeling things in every chapter. Its graphic and raw but so beautiful. Highly recommend this one!


Okay last one before I get too carried away….


Relax, Dont Do It by yoongidontdoit (sammyinnerdglasses) Chapters:4/4 >>> Funny, adorable, smutty (extreme switching™) and overall so so good. Wild party animal Jungkook swearing to go at least 90 days without partying, late nights, or sex. But then he meets Park Jimin and that last part becomes slightly extremely hard not to do… *lenny face* Pls read this lmao.


Okay!! Thats all I got for now. I hope you enjoy 😊

A List of 101 Jungkook/Jimin Recommendations

Since I began reading Jungkook/Jimin stories early last year, I’ve tried to keep track of all the ones that left a lasting impression. Unfortunately, I most definitely have missed out on other amazing stories that I have either not read or have not been able to recall (a lot of the ones on Tumblr I’ve unfortunately got no way of digging out of my 20,000+ likes).
Regardless, I hope you find something in this list :)
(List is in no particular order, and I’ve tried to include summaries as provided by the authors themselves. Also, please read the tags accordingly, as the list includes stories covering a wide array of topics)


Start a Riot by chihiro (Rating: E)

- Jeongguk and Jimin have been at this for a long time. The only difference now is that Jimin has grown up and Jeongguk sees no reason why he shouldn’t have what he has wanted since a long damned time.

sweet like honey by graseun (Rating: M)

- we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue

Nowhere We Can Really Be Free by bangswing (Rating: E)

- Jeongguk is awakened to the supernatural walking beside him, wearing an ugly sweater and the sweetest smile.

Keep reading

3

To ask for a slot, please send an e-mail to ephdrawz@gmail.com (this is NOT my Paypal address). Please do not send important information through Tumblr’s ask system, as it is inconsistent.

All payments will be done through Paypal (via invoice). Payment will be required after you have approved the sketch of your commission and confirmed all the details.

I will send WIPs of my process, of course.

The commission queue is pretty much list based, not slot based.

Keep reading

|| something to talk about ||

[[request prompt: Can I request a Peter x reader where she’s the new girl and her and Pete accidentally wear the same nerdy shirt on her first day? and it keeps happening randomly over and over that the whole school thinks they’re a couple and ships them??]]

tags [permanent + peter parker]: @ghostedwolf , @lovelybaka , @animexchocolate, @psychicwitchphilosopher , @pharaohkiller , @moonlight53 , @literatureandimmature, @daydr3ams-away, @wannabe-weasley , @mcusebstan , @tmrhollandkay , @pepcvina , @nekonerdxox , @lokigirl18 , @fangeekkk , @kylielo22 , @wavy-ley , @lghockey , @buckysendoftheline , @1022bridgetp , @potterjamesharry , @aenna-4 , @mcheung0314 , @samanthasmileys

**please don’t repost/plagiarize this story. Reblogs are fine**

——

{Find x}

Midtown High, a school filled with vastly intelligent students where everyone was expected to take AP and Honors courses.

You honestly did not belong here. That was all you could think about as you stared up at the open gates leading to your new school.

Keep reading

Help

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Request: “May i have 90 with jughead x reader please? Thanks xx”

Prompts:
#90 “You’ve been replaced.” - “Alright, we’ll see how you feel when you need me to kill a spider in the shower.”

AN: It’s been a while, y’all. Let’s get back to it.

Everything Tag: @betty-coopers-number-one-stan, @1amluke, @pissheadofficial, @teen-river-wolf, @itsjaynebird, @nooneshoney, @carouselof-progress, @apocalypticangell, @welc0met0thedarkside, @sparklingriverdale, @gryffndor, @jugheads-lawyer, @prettyboydean, @cherylblossomisaqueen, @sgarrett49, @jugheadjns, @5sunshines
Jughead Tag: @keepcalmandflywithtoothless, @lostinpercyseyes, @captainsuperfangirl, @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked, @xbobaaa, @coffee-and-bloodshed, @duckseverywherex, @kawaiiwafflememe, @kanye—west, @–allyouneedisl0ve–, @annoyingsibling, @siaralovesgaming, @unicornqueen05, @theselfishllama

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tw: child sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, suicide-baiting, transmisogyny 

I never do call-outs ‘cause they take forever, but this has to stop. 

@sleepdontvisit claims they’re on a campaign to root out “inclusionist pedophiles and pedophile apologists.” 

Instead, they almost exclusively target bi trans sexual abuse survivors, frequently flat-out lying about what those survivors have said. 

(In their whole call-out list, there’s only two people who aren’t trans. And the cis people only get called out for supporting “pedophile apologists,” they aren’t calling the cis people pedophiles.)

They consistently link to receipts that don’t support their statements, knowing that people won’t click through and read all that. 

Many of their call-outs have hundreds of notes, and have goaded exclusionists and even some inclusionists into sending anon hate, suicide-baiting, and death threats to inclusionists who are bi trans sexual abuse survivors

It’s not a coincidence that bi and trans people (especially trans women) are the ones that are most frequently stereotyped as sexual predators, in both the gay and straight communities. 

(DID U KNOW: Part of the reason that the acronym wasn’t “LGB” till the early 90s was that radical lesbians said bi men shouldn’t be allowed at Pride because they were rapists.) 

It might be relevant that sleepdontvisit seems to be very biphobic, saying things like, “Why are literally all of the big bisexual bloggers literally the most cringeworthy people I have ever encountered?”

there are two lesbians on their list, out of all the bi people. 

they’re both trans women. 

And now they’ve begun going around harassing trans inclusionist survivors who haven’t heard of their campaign, by implying that they’re “pedophile apologists” too if they haven’t called out these people yet. Or if they say that it’s not okay to call CSA survivors “pedophile apologists.” 

They guilt-trip and threaten anyone who won’t help them in their smear campaign, even discoursers who are calling out individual people already. They are goading exclusionists to harass these people. One of their victims has already deleted, that I know of. 

When one survivor called them out for things like posting content about pedophilia in the ace positivity tag, their response was to go through that person’s blog and list everyone they’d reblogged from who themselves had ever reblogged from one of the people on the list. Which may have been well-intended but comes off as intensely harassing. 

And then they falsely claimed that "ace/aro minors… are being told by adults that it’s ‘normal’ for children to be sexual, so it’s important for them to identify as asexual.”

(That person even said “If you’d like, I can give you a list of exclusionists that none of you are no-platforming (and one of which went hand-in-hand with discourseprincesa and doing just as much harm but is still being defended)” and instead of taking the information, they ignored it, and instead tagged another post to boast that inclusionists ignore callouts but exclusionists call out all their TERFs. I know for sure that one isn’t true, @allosexisterfs​ is mine and it contains a list of about 250 exclusionist TERFs, that sleepdontvisit hasn’t said a word about that I know of. BUT ANYWAY) 

If you care about survivors, please spread the word to no-platform sleepdontvisit, and to stop spreading their lies. 

Keep reading

Push

Pairing: Jared x Reader

Summary: Jared kisses you before he leaves for Vancouver. Can you make the distance work, or will he be just another fling like every other shoddy relationship you’ve ever had?

Word Count: 1,077

Warnings: self doubt, talk of past abuse, fluff

A/N: A very late submission for @iwriteaboutdean‘s challenge, and my song was Push by Matchbox Twenty. I swear I’ll get better at deadlines. This took forever to write, and I have about six different versions of it floating around in my empty headspace, but this is the one y’all get. Enjoy!


Originally posted by themegalosaurus

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough.” You looked at your feet as you scuffed them across the pavement. “It’s… been a long time, Jared. I just - I don’t know if any of them have ever really loved me.” You slumped against his side.

“Of course you’re good enough, [Y/N]. You deserve so much more than they could ever give you. You deserve someone who treats you like a queen. You deserve-” He wanted to keep going, but you stopped him.

“Someone like… you?” You dared to look him in the eyes.

Keep reading

Just friends

A/N wow who knew my titles could get even shittier. okay so i dont wanna be like slacking all the time, and i know i said this fic would be up last week but my mental health has been absolutely shit so im sorry. anyway 90% is dialogue and its pretty shit but yeah here you go i guess. im lowkey proud and my goal for this fic is 300 notes (i got 280 on my last one so far). if you like please like/ reblog and send me prompts!!!

WARNINGS/ TAGS: excessive dialogue, minimal editing, lots of praise, fluffy smut, riding, friends to lovers, mentions of kickthesticks oops


Dan walked around the cafeteria in his worn out converse and ripped jeans, trying to spot which table his friends were at today. As usual they were in the very corner of the cafeteria, all huddled together and laughing. Dan sat between Byrony and Phil as soon as he reached the table. Once he placed his school lunch down on the sticky table Phil instinctively wrapped a protective arm around his best friend’s waist. Phil didn’t know it, but Dan had a huge crush on him, anyone who met them definitely knew. Thats why their friends made fun of them constantly, because Dan had told them his obvious secret.

“Tone down the PDA mate,” PJ laughed from the other side of the table.

“Oh shut up PJ, you’re just jealous because you don’t have someone you can do this with,” Phil shot back. PJ just scoffed and Dan giggled, leaning into his friends touch.

“As if, Chris clearly wants PJ to fuck him,” Dan said without thinking.

“Dan! You said you could keep a secret you dick head!” Chris blushed violently and hid behind his own hands.

“Wait what?!” PJ exclaimed as if it wasn’t obvious. Everyone laughed except for Chris, who was still hiding. PJ took Chris’s hand from his face and held it while whispering something that no one else could hear.

“Oi, tone down the PDA mate,” Phil mocked.

“Oh shut up Phil,” Byrony but in, “So how long have you and Dan been together Phil?” Dan blushed and hid in Phil’s side. If they kept making jokes like this Phil would find out soon, and he couldn’t have that, it would ruin his friendship with Phil.

“Come on ass hat. You all know were not together and never will be,” Dan remarked.

“Mhm sure honey,”

~~

Later that day they were all going out to a movie, Dan had a backpack with a blanket and “secret” snacks to sneak in for him and Phil. Knowing them, they’d end up putting away the arm rest in the theater and cuddling while wrapped in the blanket, no matter what movie it was. Dan found it as his own personal heaven and suggested movie nights each week months ago. It was his only way to get the physical affection he craves and not be teased by Peej.

“Hey Phil, do you want to come over tonight? My mums not home, we could stay up all night.” Chris asked waiting in line for their tickets.

“Sorry mate I’m already going to Dan’s tonight.”

“Yeah to fuck!” Peej laughed at his own dumb adolescent joke. Byrony giggled and nodded her head.

“You aren’t funny dick, we’re just friends!” Dan defended.

“You literally sat in Phil’s lap on the way over here,” Byrony said while giggling more, “And he played with your hair!”

“Thats what friends do!”

“Uh huh sure”

~~

During the movie Dan had somehow migrated into Phils lap again. Phil was playing with his hair with one hand and rubbing agonizingly slow circles on Dan’s hip with the other. Dan had no clue how Phil did this and still somehow payed attention to the movie. The entire time he buried his head in Phils neck and he was imagining fucking Phil. He knows its wrong to think about these things while he’s in his best friends lap but he cant help it.

Slowly Dan started to grow hard, he shook his head and tried to think about anything else. grandma grandma grandma.

“You okay babe?” oh yeah, another thing, they always called each other babe and baby, but they’re just friends mind you.

“Mhm just tired,” Dan faked a yawn and snuggled farther into Phil’s neck.

“Go to sleep then, I’ll carry you out to the car later and wake you up when we get back to your house.”

“Mmk darlin, night.” Although Dan was faking the yawn he was quite tired, and he wanted to stay up late tonight. He decided it was best to just stick with the lie and go to sleep on Phils chest.

~~

Dan was currently snoring lightly on Phil’s chest and muttering something incomprehensible while being carried out to the car.

“Oi, wake princess up,” Chris snickered.

“I’ll just sit him on my lap and buckle him in with me. Let him sleep asshole.”

“You know he likes you right?” Byrony stated matter of factly.

“Yeah right, stop joking guys, you know I like him, theres no need to get my hopes up,” Phil scoffed and sped up towards the car.

Their three friends shook their heads behind him. Dan and Phil would find out eventually. Right?

~~

“P-Phil,” Dan said lightly while tightening his grip on him. Phil thought that Dan had woken up so he responded with a small “hm?” but got no response. They had just dropped off Byrony and now were heading towards Dan’s house. Since Phil didn’t get an answer he just assumed Byrony slamming the door woke up Dan for a split second.

That was until Dan grinded against Phil’s thigh. Phil felt a surge of arousal shoot through his body. Dan did it again and Phil gasped. Dan opened his mouth to moan again but Phil quickly covered his mouth. He couldn’t believe this. His best friend, not to mention his crush, was having a wet dream. In his lap. In the back of their friends car. Moaning Phil’s name! Phil debated waking him up, or just waiting until they got home and ignoring the whole situation. His awkwardness decided the second option was best.

Only seconds later Dan was grinding again and panting against Phil’s hand which was still covering his mouth. Phil prayed to every god he could think of that this car ride would be over soon because he was starting to get hard under his sleeping friend. He knew that he shouldve moved his hands from where they were on Dan’s hips because he didnt want to invade his friends space during a dream like this. Phil’s self conscious had a different idea though and moved his hands somewhere worse. Dan’s plump ass. He knew it wasnt right but he couldnt fight his instincts. Dans grinding slowed, but only so that he could push back into Phil’s hands.

Phil squeezed hard and Dan’s eyes shot open.

“Oh no,” Phil whispered almost completely silent.

“Ph-”

“Okay guys, we’re here.” Peej announced from the front seat, “See you guys Monday. Have a good weekend.”

Dan slowly and cautiously crawled out of Phils lap, careful to hide his hard on from his friends as they said goodbye. When Chris and PJ pulled out of Dan’s drive way Dans mouth failed to make a sound even though he opened it.

“I’m so sorry Dan! I dont know what i was thinking but you were grinding on me- and- an- and you moan- moaned my name! My body was just reacting I’m so so so sorry!!” Phil spat out quickly.

“Hey, ba-Phil, don’t worry, its okay, I lik-” Dan paused and didnt finish his thought, “Lets just go inside. We dont have to talk about it if you dont want to okay babe- Phil.”

“Oh god I’m so sorry for making things awkward I didnt mean to but you kept going and oh god im so sorry-”

“Has anyone ever told you that sometimes you need to shut up Philly?”

“Make me,” Phil shot back but instantly regretted it. “Oh my god I didnt mean t-”

He was cut off by Dan’s lips against his.

“Do you really think you touching my ass bothered me? You even said yourself that i was moaning your name idiot.”

“Shh,” Phil joked and grabbed Dans hand. The kiss had boosted Phil’s self confidence, and he thought back to what his friends said about Dan having a crush on him. “How about we go up to your room baby? We can handle the little problem I have and sort our relationship out afterwards.”

“O-okay,” Dans usually dominating voice was small and timid now. He led Phil into the house and tugged his hands up the stairs. He wasnt leading because Phil didnt know where to go, of course he did, but because Phil was going at the slowest pce possible so that Dan would have to wait. “Please Phil, come onnn~” he whined.

Once they reached Dans room he flung the door open. “Calm down baby, you’ll get what you want if you wait.”

“But I want you now-” Dan was going to continue complaining like a child but he was cut off by a kiss.

Phil pulled away and smirked,“Thats pay back for cutting me off earlier dick.”

“Philly! No cussing!”, he playfully hit him on the chest. He was glad that his crush changed nothing. Hell, him grinding on his friend while having a wet dream changed nothing. They were still best friends and this moment made that clear to Dan. Phil smiled goofily at him and leaned in again, only to end up kissing Dan’s cheek though because Dan moved at last minute. Dan giggled and did it again when Phil attempted another kiss.

“Oh whatever babe, now come on, I wanna kiss you more.”

“Hmm- Nope.” Dan slid out of Phil’s grip and giggled as he ran across the room and leapt onto his bed. Phil chased after him, laughing also. He sat down next to Dan and just gazed at his friends eyes.

“You’re so gorgeous Dan,” he said as he reached out and cupped his face, “Can I kiss you again?”

“I dunno can you?” Dan teased. Phil rolled his eyes and leaned in slowly. Their lips collided and Dan swore he could feel his heart beating out of his chest. It all seemed so real, Phil’s hand in his hair, Phil’s lips on his own. Quickly he became paranoid. Even though they had this moment of goofing around would their friendship change after tonight? Would they end badly? Apparently Phil could hear him thinking because he pulled back.

“Dan, baby calm down. We can stop if you want, we dont have to do anything. We can even pretend this never happened if thats what you want. I would never do anything to hurt you love.”

“I’m just scared- I want you though, now come here again,” They kissed at Dans pace and soon Dan leaned back and rested his head against the pillows. “Will you touch me? Please? I dont care what you do. Just please-”

“Of course princess. Can I straddle you?” Dan nodded and Phil climbed into his lap. He lowered his hands down to Dan’s sides and looked up for consent before putting his hands under Dan’s shirt. It was all so intimate, Dan couldnt help but moan at the light little touches running up and down his chest.

“Please- just give me more please baby I’ll do anything.”

“We’re gonna go slow okay? Just wait and you’ll get what you want.”

Phil took Dans shirt off after asking if it was okay and slowly started to kiss over his chest. “You’re so pretty, have such a nice chest and a lovely stomach.” He pinched Dan’s side in a joking manor and smiled up at the giggling boy.

Dan blushed and looked away,“Oh come on youre just saying that,”

“I know you just found out I fancy you, but ever since we met I have thought that. Youre truly breathtaking Dan, and if youll let me I’d really really like to touch you right now.” He kissed down Dans stomach, closer and closer to his pant line.

“Plea-” His plead was cut off by a loud moan as Phil kissed his dick through his skinny jeans. “More. More More More Please!”

Phil unzipped Dans skinny jeans and started to pull them off. They got stuck at mid thigh and Dan burst out laughing. “Stop laughing you dick!” That only made him laugh more. Phil silenced him though by mouthing over Dan’s briefs. Dan gasped as soon as he felt the warm sensation through his underwear and Phil could feel his friends cock twitch.

“How far do you wanna go love?”

“Can- I- um-” Phil was sliding Dans skinny jeans off fully as Dan was attempting to speak.

“Mhmm?”

“Can you fuck me?” Dan said in one breath. Phil smiled up at him while he took his own shirt off.

“How about you ride me? That way you can control the pace baby. Does that sound nice?” Dan glanced at Phil’s exposed chest and was only half listening when he nodded. “Have you ever prepped before? If you know what im trying to say…” Phil stared down at his feet and blushed as he was saying this. Dans confidence had shot through the roof with all of the compliments Phil was giving him so he decided to go with his cocky response.

“Of course I have, I did this morning in the shower. Thinking about your nice thick cock. I want it everywhere. In my hand, in my mouth, in my ass.” Phil groaned and hurried to take off his own skinny jeans while Dan kept going. “I even did after school too, before the movie. I was thinking about you touching me the whole time. Thinking about your fingers trailing all up and down my chest. Thinking about your lips nipping at my neck-” he was cut off by Phil doing just that. He left a love bite right above his shoulder and then carried on with more all over Dan’s neck. He left one right below his jaw, one on his collarbone. Anywhere he could reach.

“So I dont have to stretch you then?” Phil laughed in a teasing way and asked Dan where he kept the lube.

“Be-bed side table-” Dan blushed as Phil pulled Dan’s boxers down.

“Hm? Why are you so nervous? What else am i going to find?” He said casually as he slipped off his own boxers and reached for the drawer.

When Phil opened the bed side table he expected pornos, or the pair of joke hand cuffs PJ got Dan last christmas. But not all of these. No. He would never guess that dan would have these.

Lets just have a run down of what exactly Phil was looking at. A drawer full of bright pink and purple dildos. And vibrators. And lacy panties. Black ones to be specific. And two bottles of empty lube and one fairly empty bottle of lube. His jaw dropped as his picked up a huge vibrator. Phil would say that hes a pretty big guy down there but this fucking vibrator was at least ten inches.

Dan hid behind his hands as Phil examined all of the different vibes and such.

“Hm.. maybe we’ll have fun with those later, but for right now I think I’ll just have you ride me.” He smirked again cheekily and Dan just rolled his eyes and grabbed the last bottle of lube and a condom.

“Shut up and turn over so I can ride you, you dick,” he said as he rolled the condom onto Phils dick.

“Oh look at Mr.dominant coming out. Who wouldve guess you’re dominant with all of those toys in there?” Phil snickered at his own joke but Dan just hit his chest and shut him up with a kiss.

Since Dan was acting so needy Phil decided it was best to just get on with it. So he had Dan straddle him and positioned his cock right at Dan’s entrance. As Dan slowly sunk down onto the tip of Phil’s dick they both groaned. Phil had to try with all his might to keep his needy teenage body from bucking up into Dan.

“Oh god- can I go further?” Dan asked.

“Of course you can doofus.”

Dan tweaked his nipple for that comment; which was simultaneously causing pain and pleasure for Phil. He began to go further, taking in an inch at a time and pausing to groan and take a breath. It was pure agony for Phil to just sit there completely still so he tried to distract himself with praises for Dan.

“Good job baby boy, you take me so well, look so good like that.”

While Phil let these praises out Dan had nothing to do but gasp and moan. When he finally got all of Phil’s cock inside him Phil stopped with the praises and instead bit all over Dan’s neck again. The love bites from earlier were already starting to fade since they were nothing more than a little nip, but Phil was determined to leave a mark this time. He sucked and pulled at the skin with his teeth, pulling away only a couple times to kiss over the freshly bruised skin. When he was done leaving a bright red mark Dan was panting and pleading him to let him move.

Of course Phil immediately told him to go whenever he was ready so Dan began bouncing up and down. Even though Phil knew Dan was a virgin he guessed by all of the sex toys that Dan was used to having something up his ass.

“Please Phil, its not enough, I need you to fuck up into me~”

Phil listened and started to thrust up at the same time that Dan was coming down. He knew he found Dans prostate because Dan gasped and went even faster at the same angle.

“God baby you look so good, fucking yourself so good. Can’t wait to see your pretty face when you cum.”

These little comments only seemed to spur Dan on more, but soon it was too much and he was completely wrecked. He lifted himself up off of Phils cock and laid next to him.

“Phiw- is too much- need you to fuck me, m’ legs are too tired…”

“Of course they are you lazy oaf,” after his remark Phil got right to it. He slid his cock right back into Dan and started to thrust back and forth. He could see Dan getting needier by the second, begging for more and blushing and gasping. Phil was entirely blissed out by all of the sounds Dan was making and by how good it felt.

“Do you think you can cum untouched baby?” Dan nodded fiercely and moaned at the though of it. He reached behind Phil and pulled him down closer by his neck.

“Fuck- Phil I’m getting close-”

“You look so good baby, I bet you’ll look stunning when you cum. Begging for more, youll look so perfect.” Dan moaned at his words and started to grind back against Phil movements. Phil found Dans prostate again and pounded into it relentlessly, still letting little praises come out. “Such a good boy. Take me so well. You feel so good.”

Dan writhed on the sheets beneath Phil and clenched his sheets tight with both fists. “I need you Phil- need to kiss you.” Phil obliged and leaned down to kiss the needy boy beneath him while keeping the same speed.

“Are you going to come baby boy?”

Dan groaned and released as a response. He felt as if he was floating for a second. His vision got blurry as he released white streaks all over him and his best friend. When Phil saw the completely blissed out face of Dan he locked eyes with him and released inside the condom.

As Phil pulled out Dan found himself feeling empty. Even though some of his toys were huge, none of them felt that good. Phil reached over to Dan’s bedside table and grabbed some tissues that were obviously there for this reason.

“So..”

“No- no talking now please. Jus’ some cuddles please?” Dan looked up with a pleading, almost innocent look and Phil just couldnt resist. He threw out the tissues and the condom and laid next to Dan. Dan instantly wrapped his legs around Phil’s waist and arms around his neck and kissed him swiftly on the cheek. “Night cutie, we’ll talk in the morning over some pancakes and tea okay?”

“Sounds great love, goodnight.”

doodleboots  asked:

You said your house was haunted by "parakeets and Amish Satan" EXPLAIN

…I don’t remember posting about that on here omfg how deep in my personal tag are you? 😂 Those are two different stories so this is probably gonna be long.

Alright, so I was always that freaky little ‘I see dead people’ shithead when I was a kid. You know, that asshole kid that gives detailed descriptions of relatives that died before they were born and says they see them on the ceiling or some shit? That was me. Important to the stories. I’ll start with the parakeets.

Okay, so when I was like…Maybe 5 or 6, I really wanted to get a pet. We had a dog, but I was not the dog’s favorite person, and I was in that whole ‘I wanna prove I’m responsible’ stage of childhood, so I ambushed my parents with the pet question when we were out to dinner. (Which was a strategic move, as I knew all the waiters at the restaurant liked me and would maybe throw in a pity “Aww, get the girl a pet” comment as a guilt trip if they over heard the conversation. It totally worked lmao)

So, after a long debate about animals, my parents decided to get me parakeets. Which, I had not been aiming for (I wanted something cuddly, and I like birds in theory, not in practice) but I was not in a position for arguing when I was about to get a pet, so I agreed and we headed off to PetSmart and got two birds.

Now, over the course of my childhood, I only had three birds- Blueberry, Banana, and Snowcap. You can probably figure out what they looked like, I was not the most creative child. So, in our old house, which was, frankly, a better house, they had a great life! We kept them in the living room, right next to the huge glass doors that lead to the backyard so they got a lot of sunlight and fresh air, we were great about cleaning up their feathers, they didn’t feel attention starved so they weren’t too loud or annoying. It was great.

Then we moved to our current house, and that’s where it starts getting complicated.

See, my mom and I were both on a depression battle, and if you know anything about that, it made it very hard for us to do things. Energy wasn’t there. So while we were obviously still feeding the birds and everything, we definitely let the cage get messy and stopped cleaning up feathers. We had them on the bay window in my living room, so it looked like a mess, which really pissed my Aunt Gail off. Gail was a psycho bitch, for reference, but she had moved in with us to help pay bills and insisted the birds were taken out of the living room, which I wasn’t really down with, but I also wasn’t down with her locking me in a closet, so I listened to her. So Blueberry and Snowcap got banished to the computer room, where there was very little light, always loud music playing, and barely any attention for them. I remember they’d get so loud and we’d just throw a sheet over the cage or turn the lights off or yell for them to shut up. As it stands now, I realize we definitely ended up mistreating the birds, and I feel incredibly guilty about that, but as a little kid with very little patience and a fear of birds, who was mostly following her mother and aunt’s actions, I didn’t understand. I got pretty detached from them because of where I was mentally, and I remember when they both died (separately- Blueberry held on for a while, so she was sadly alone for a while), I like, forced all emotion about it away and just didn’t focus on it. Do you know what I mean? I was pretending like I wasn’t effected, like it was a non-issue, and like tbh I didn’t even let myself focus on how effed up that is until a couple years ago. But that was just the headspace I was in.

Okay, so anyway, birds: I always hear them outside my window during the day, chirping up a storm, but at night? It’s usually dead silent, with the occasional hoot from an owl who’s literally only there to make me think about the movie “The Fourth Kind” in the middle of the night. Fuck that owl, I don’t want to think about that movie.

Sometimes, though, when I’m having an Insomniac Episode ™ , I’ll be in the computer room (there’s no wifi in my house, we’re still in the 90′s) late at night, messing around, and for a short amount of time I’ll hear birds, like, screeching. And I never really thought much about it, because like, nature can do whatever it wants, but it started getting a little odd. Like, I’d leave the computer room to go downstairs for a bit, and I’d hear absolutely nothing. Dead silence, even though the kitchen is directly below it and thus has the same trees, or even if I leave the door open, it’s just quiet. But the second I step off the step and into the room, it starts back up. Weird, right? I started feeling really eerie about it, and started purposefully leaving the computer room whenever it started up.

And then, that lead me to noticing when it started up…It was always at 3:00am to 4:00 am. Which is, you know, The Witching Hour. The Ghost Hour. The Demon Hour. Plenty of names, but all the same concept. Any self-respecting paranormal fucker knows that things get weird at 3:00 am. The veil’s a little thinner then.

And that in itself freaked me out, but I always feel pretty freaked out at that time anyway, because as mentioned, I’m That Asshole Kid who hears disembodied voices and sees things out of the corner of my eye and always feels like something is right behind me. That’s only gotten better and worse with age in different ways- but anyway, while the bird stuff was freaking me out, I had yet to put together what it was, because frankly I’m just a wimp and I thought it was overall anxiety making me hear things.

So then, a little under a year ago, I’m watching some show about the paranormal and animals, and some dude is recounting a story about a ghost cat or something, and I remember being like…what the fuck, animals can be ghosts? What? Because that’s not something that ever occurred to me before, and not something I had heard of. And the guy went on to say something like if the animals were mistreated in life, they have as much chance to come back as a person-ghost who died tragically or something. And I just like, had a flash, of realizing how we had definitely mistreated the birds, and how I only hear screaming birds in their room, at 3:00 am, and it was just sort of an “everything clicked together moment”, and I was like, shit. I’m being haunted by my old pet parakeets.

I still hear them all the time, but I mean, I’m not turning out lights or telling them to shut up anymore, because honestly? They definitely have a reason to complain and make their voices heard over that. Like, if they need to let out frustration from beyond the grave, they definitely have my attention.

Okay, on to Amish Satan.

So in…Fifth grade, my class took a field trip to Lancaster, to tour some old coal mines and see some donkeys and stuff. It was nothing special, honestly, but it was a fun trip. So anyway, they had a little gift shop the let us go into because what’s a field trip without souvenirs? And they were mostly selling coal related stuff- I’ve got a little statue of a mouse made out of coal on my nightstand that I got there. But they were also selling these little Amish dolls, right? So as a young girl with a great love for dolls (I used to have a huge collection of all kinds), obviously I had to get one.

So I picked out a guy doll because I loved the shade of blue they used for his shirt, he had little black suspenders and a black hat, it was cute. Paid the store owner, got on the bus with my new little friend to head home.

(Completely unrelated to the story, but back then I was anime trash and decided to name this poor thing Kiyo after the main character from Zatch Bell lmao)

So anyway, on the bus home, I started getting slightly…unsettled by the fact he didn’t have a face. Like, it didn’t bother me when I bought him, but now it was starting to really freak me out. I kept asking the teachers why Amish dolls didn’t have faces, but no one had answers for me, which was frustrating, because I thought if I could understand the reasoning, it wouldn’t freak me out as much.

I was starting to regret buying it, but when we got back to school, my friend Rachel whipped out a sharpie and said “It’s yours anyway, just give him a face yourself!” which sounded like a relatively good idea. I drew the least intimidating face I could- two simple big eyes, point for a nose, big goofy smile with his tongue sticking out. It’s cute and dumb. Seriously, I still have the doll, you don’t look at this thing and think “Satan” at all.

So, me and my friends played with this doll all the time. We’d use to make him do tricks and flip him around and stuff- I remember one year we accidentally got him stuck on the Christmas tree and left him up there with all the decorations because we thought it was the funniest thing ever. This was like our go-to doll. We loved the thing. And sure, I’d have a weird experience every now and then, but I had absolutely no reason to think it was connected to the doll, because the things weren’t that out-of-ordinary for me.

So, in sixth grade, I had to start going to this free children’s hospital in the city called Shriners, and there were always a lot of Amish people there, because it was free and they have higher risks for birth defects and problems. And I was a super shy child, but at the same time I didn’t want to sit quietly in a waiting room for a millions years, so I’d usually quietly bond with a kid over some of the toys the waiting room had out, or if I was just reading I’d still make a point to smile politely at everyone I made eye contact with. The adults always seemed suspicious of me, but I figured it was just a whole ‘Amish vs The English’ thing, or because my health problems were a lot less physically obvious than their children’s and they were upset about that. It made me feel uncomfortable, but it was nothing serious.

Except one day, I was making small talk with one family and the little girl had a doll out, and I just said something like “Oh I have one of those dolls! It has a face on it though.” And her mother got all wide eyed and dragged her kids to the other side of the room while talking in their language (I don’t know the name of it) and I was just like???? Oh shit what did I do??? Like it was strange omg.

So anyway, time goes on. I get older, I stop playing with dolls, and actually end up selling or trashing most of them. I kept the Amish doll around though, but it wasn’t like me and my friends were playing with him every day anymore. He was just there. Something inside of me couldn’t bear to get rid of him, but I wasn’t doing anything with him either.

And after a while, it started to feel weird. Like…uncomfortable. Sort of a ‘why don’t you play with me anymore’ vibe, which sounded so stupid, because I was in high school at this point, I could not justify thinking an old toy was sad. This isn’t fucking Toy Story, you know? (Incidentally, while I love the Toy Story films, they’re also lowkey my worst nightmares).

I remember edging around him. Like, he still has the same dumb, cutesy face drawn on, but something was making me uncomfortable to be around him. I felt watched and guilty and nervous. At some point he ended up on the staircase leading to my computer room, just laying there for a couple years. Neither me or my mom ever bothered to touch him.

Okay, so then I go away for my only semester of college, and one day I was in the group chat with my friends and we were talking about creepy things that have happened to us. And I brought up this doll, and they were kinda interested and I remember saying “Watch me come home for break and he’s not gonna be wear I left him” as a joke.

I get home from break…Guess who’s not fucking on the steps like he’d been for the past 3 years?

I was cracking up, I remember texting my friend Zoe who started freaking out, but I was like “Okay, creepy coincidence, but obviously my mom must’ve just moved him or thrown him out”.

…Except my mom had no idea what I was talking about. She had no memory of this doll, let alone walking past it all the time for three years while it sat on the steps. She swore she didn’t move it.

So I was like…okay,

So then I’m back home officially and I still can’t find it. I searched everywhere- not even because I wanted the doll, just because not knowing where it was was making me feel even more nervous and anxious than having to tip-toe around it. I had random scary thoughts pop up in my head of it appearing in my room suddenly, or moving on it’s own. I was really freaking myself out- being paranoid is what I’m best at.

Okay, at some point down the line, one day I’m on my couch just flicking through channels, and I come across a marathon of a show called “Amish Haunting” (Honestly, check it out if you like ghost shows, it’s pretty cool). The episode that happens to be playing is feature a segment called “The Faceless Doll” and the paranormal experience that family had when an English neighbor gave their young daughter a doll with a face. Shit got fucked up for this family. Real shit guys.

They explained within the episode that the reason for faceless dolls is because the Amish believe that fake faces- like on dolls, in photographs, what have you- are an invitation for the Devil into your home. They believe he can use the fake eyes to see into your life and watch you and grow stronger and mess you up, basically. So, when 10 year old Molly drew that face on, not only was she accidentally disrespecting the Amish’s beliefs, she was basically unwittingly inviting Satan into her house, and then using him as a best play mate with her two other Catholic School Girl friends. Iconic.

I have since found the doll- mind you, in a place where he literally never should have been- but things seem…Calmer? I do occasionally feel a little watched, but honestly I feel like now that I’m aware my doll is potentially housing Satan, we’re on better terms? Allegedly a couple of my friends have had weird experiences after insulting him, but I wasn’t around so I can’t confirm or deny. Like, I definitely still get creeped out by him, but not as much, and I don’t feel a weird sad aura around the doll anymore.

So, now I’m just kinda hoping we stay on these chill mutual grounds and I don’t, like, get possessed or anything. But yeah, that’s the story of Amish Satan, you just gotta be a little respectful with him.

anonymous asked:

voltron au where the paladins are the cheerleading squad and allura is captain of the football team and quarterback. coran is the cheer coach

PLEASE THANK YOU SM LIKE.

I’ve been seeing a lot of high school au posts floating around where Shiro is a football player and Allura is a cheerleader but c’mon… C’mon. Why would Allura cheer when she could get in on that action like??

I know shitall about football so bear with me:

  • Allura is the captain and starting quarterback of her high school’s football team. She tried out her freshman year and all the guys laughed at her, but then she took off her jacket to reveal her TOTALLY JACKED arms and she was immediately put on the team.
  • Allura is responsible for 90% of the gay awakenings at her school lol
  • Allura has gone to school dances with black eyes because of rough games but she still looks good. She always looks good.
  • Lance is the cheer captain because he gets to cheer on hot guys and Allura, wear a uniform that makes his ass look amazing, and he lives for the Attention™. Lance became cheer captain his sophomore year and immediately tried asking Allura out to fulfill the stereotype that the QB and head cheerleader are always a power couple. Now it’s become more of an inside joke between them lol.
  • Shiro is a photographer for the school newspaper and he is an absolute LEGEND because he always gets the most amazing photographs. He can perfectly capture the football spinning in midair, a player jumping to catch an overhead ball, the victory dance of someone who just scored a touchdown, that sort of thing.
    • His best photos always involve Allura though so everyone is lowkey like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
    • Also Shiro wears glasses lol can you imagine him like… Standing a few dozen feet behind the goalpost, camera constantly raised to his eye, wearing this ugly and baggy old sweater, camera pouch slung across his shoulders and back… He’s a hot nerd. This is so cliche I love it.
  • Coran is a science teacher who also coaches football because idk, Coran seems quirky enough to do that. When Allura told him she was trying out, Coran immediately bought little personalized flags with her name printed on them and gave them to all her friends. Coran claims he doesn’t have one because it would be unfair to show so much favoritism, but he cheers the loudest whenever Allura makes an amazing throw.
  • Hunk and Pidge are part of the radio station and responsible for setting up the sound equipment at games. They’re also the sports commentators for the school’s radio channel. They’re actually fairly popular because they both know absolutely nothing about football, so their commentary is like 25% actual sports content and 75% gossip.
  • Keith is the dead soul who mans the concession tent and is only doing this because he needs the money. Shiro is his ride home, but Shiro looooves staying after every game to take pictures of the team (GEE, I WONDER WHY) so Keith resignedly tags along and usually ends up going with Shiro to the aftergame dinners the football players and cheerleaders have. He always ends up sitting next to Lance and the two spend the entire night just bitching at each other.
    • Keith also has a habit of just… Leaving the concession stand at random points to go hang out with Hunk and Pidge in the radio booth. When it’s cold he likes to bring a cup of hot cocoa with him down to where the cheerleaders sit and drink it right in front of a freezing Lance.
Tales of Delicious Revenge from a Recovering Retail Worker

I discovered this sub a while ago and it has breathed new life into my withered soul. Today, it’s time that I return the favor.

These tales of petty revenge all took place over the three long years that I had the misfortune of working retail at a big-box store best known for its red bullseye logo and bitchy middle-class clientele. Enjoy.

ONE: THE TAG SWITCHER
I was working in the fitting room one night when this lady bustles in with 3000 different items of clothing that she wanted to try on. Unfortunately my store had just lifted the item limit for the fitting room, so I begrudgingly had to let her take everything back.

She proceeds to make a HUGE mess in the fitting room (leaving clothes inside-out all over the floor, tags ripped off of items, size stickers peeled off and slapped onto the wall… the whole nine yards).

After she leaves, I report the ripped off tags to Assets Protection (per fitting room policy) and, figuring that would be the extent of my revenge, I resigned to cleaning up the mess she left me.

Then I get a call from the manager. He wants me up at the registers to do back up. I had worked the registers before, but it was exceptionally rare for me to get pulled away from the fitting room to do backup. Still, I don’t protest and I head up to the register.

Guess who my first customer is? Yep, the mess-making bitch from the fitting room. The manager has directed her straight to me, and I can tell from the wide-eyed look of horror on her face that she realizes she has just been lead into a trap.

She slowly begins to plop her items onto the conveyerbelt and tries to make nervous small-talk. At first I assume she’s just feeling awkward about the mess that she left… but when I get a better look at her items, I immediately realize there’s something much fishier going on.

Her purchase consists entirely of women’s clothing, and I recognize most of the items as brand new stuff that has recently come in. Stuff that should cost full price. So when I see nearly every single item’s price tag covered with a bright red 70% off clearance sticker, I realize that something’s up. When I look down at the first item from her pile, my suspicions are confirmed: the item I’m holding in my hands is a woman’s Mossimo Black clothing item, but it has a bright blue Circo tag that belongs on infant boy clothes.

Busted! This bitch was switching tags on clothes to get a lower price! Not only that, but she was so brazen (or stupid) that she used tags from the wrong department!

I don’t make it immediately obvious that I’ve figured out her scheme. Instead, I think fast. From my experience in the fitting room, I know every item of clothing has a little white tag on the inside that has a nine-digit item code. So instead of scanning the items, I proceed to type in each and every item manually, using the ACTUAL numbers inside each garment.

The woman watches this all unfold with a nauseous look on her face, as item after item rings up at full price ($19 - $29, compared to the $2 or $4 price tags she had stuck on each item). As her total grows, so does the look of combined hatred and fear on her face.

Finally she stammers something about “coming back later” and runs off towards the exit. The Assets Protection guy watches her walk out, then comes over to me. He reveals that he had been watching this chick before she even went into the fitting room, but he didn’t have enough on camera to approach her. Since I was the only team member working that night who was familiar with the clothing / tags, the manager put me on the register to check her out.. literally!

TWO: THE PHONE SHOPPER
It’s the week before Christmas and the store is frantic. I’m manning the phones (which are ringing off the hook), and one night I get a call from Bitch Princess, who wants to know if we have any [insert name of whatever animatronic hatching robot dog toy every kid had to have that year].

Now the store’s holiday policy said we could confirm availability over the phone, but we weren’t supposed to put high-demand items (like the barking bird robot thing) on hold for a customer. Regardless, I was still un-jaded enough to like hooking people up (I’m still waiting on that lifetime of good retail karma to kick in…)

I let BP know that this highly-coveted toy has been flying off the shelves for weeks and I’m doubtful that we have any in stock, but I can happily check for her if she’s willing to go on a brief hold. She impatiently agrees to the hold, and I set the phone down.

After being slightly delayed by a customer that ambushed me on the sales floor, I miraculously find ONE of these stupid toys on the shelf. I grab it and head back to my post, excited to tell BP I just saved Christmas, but when I get back I find the phone ringing again. Recognizing the number on the caller ID display, I quickly deduce that Bitch Princess has hung up and is now calling back.

I barely get a chance to recite my scripted greeting before BP cuts me off, yelling that I put her on hold for “30 minutes” (more like 7), that she’s a customer and it’s my job to assist her, some nonsense about her having priority over the customers in the store, blah blah blah. I want to point out that literally NONE of what she’s saying is true, but I keep my lips sealed.

Instead, in a ridiculously pleasant voice, I say: “ma’am, thank you SO MUCH for your patience. I checked the sales floor and couldn’t find [stupid toy], but the computer is telling me that we might have one in the backroom. If you bear with me for another minute here, I can—”

She grumbled that yes, I could check the backroom, but I “better hurry” because she doesn’t have time for this. Smiling gleefully, I put the phone back on hold and proceed to return [stupid toy] to the spot where I found it on the sales floor. I then spend a nice chunk of time helping out ACTUAL customers in the store.

Eventually I remember that BP is still waiting on hold and I return to the phone. “Ma’am, good news… we do have ONE in stock,” I say. BP immediately barks at me to put it on hold, and a devious Grinch-like smile spreads across my face. “I’m so sorry ma’am, but we’re actually unable to put high-demand items on hold at this time. All I can do is confirm that it’s currently available on the sales floor…”

BP unleashes the wrath of a thousand fiery infernos and demands to speak to a manager. I oblige, transferring her to the closing manager (who confirmed the store policy, before promptly being hung up on).

I was pretty pleased with the turn of events, but the cherry on top came a short time later when BP actually shows up at the store, only to discover that the toy had already been purchased by another guest.

THREE: THE SHOE SNATCHER
It was nearly closing time, and I was tasked with “zoning” (or straightening up) the shoe department for the night. It was nearly impossible for me to get anything done, though, because this obnoxious woman kept making me drop everything to help her shop for shoes for her toddler.

The worst part was that the woman didn’t put anything back where she found it. Instead, she just leaves the shoe boxes strewn throughout the aisle (wtf). She finally leaves, and I drag myself over to the massive mess that she’s left behind.

As I’m returning all of the discarded shoe boxes to their rightful locations, I’m popping them open to make sure the correct shoes are inside. When I open one of the boxes, I discover a very sweet sight indeed: a dirty pair of toddler sneakers.

It’s a scam I’ve seen far too many times: someone swaps out a pair of new shoes with their old dirty shoes. Only this time, instead of getting away, I had caught the crook red-handed (or red-footed?)

I tucked the shoebox under my arm and quickly retraced the woman’s steps. Sure enough, I was able to find her in the grocery section. And sure enough, her toddler was sitting in the cart wearing a pair of brand new cartoon character sneakers.

I approached the mom with a giant shit-eating grin on my face and said: “I’m so glad I caught you! You almost left without these!” I held open the box with the dirty sneakers.

The woman had the nerve to pin the blame on her child, playing it off as if her kid had swapped the sneakers. Smh.  

BONUS: HERE’S ONE THAT’S SHORT & SWEET FOR THE ASS CLOWN IN THE COMMENTS WHO COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS BEING TL;DR  

Holiday shit always gets marked down to clearance the day after a holiday and people tend to get a little worked up about it. One time, this guy calls the store the day after Easter and asks how much the white chocolate Cadbury mini eggs had been discounted. I told him they were marked down 30% (the standard first mark down) and he’s not satisfied with that and hangs up. He proceeds to call back EVERY DAMN DAY to ask for the price, and every time he’s rude and weird about it. When they finally get marked down to 50%, I think he’ll bite… but nope. Still not cheap enough.

Finally at 90% he’s interested and asks me, over the phone, to take every single bag off the sales floor and put them on hold for him. I tell him no (goes against store policy to hold clearance), but since the candy is about to be defected (taken out of inventory), the manager tells me to just do it. So I wheel a cart over to the clearance aisle, and that’s when I hatch a plan.

There are two kinds of candy leftover in clearance: white chocolate Cadbury mini eggs, and white chocolate m&ms. For whatever reason, we have about 50 bags of each. Feeling a spirit of pettiness overtake me, I fill the cart with the m&ms and push it to the front with a 24 hour hold ticket. I wasn’t there when the guy showed up the next morning, but I’d imagine he was pretty livid to discover the wrong candy on hold, and then to realize that the actual candy he wanted had been defected out.

Valdangelo Headcanons

Making this because I love all of you who helped me get to about 100 followers!

Also I’m Valdangelo trash.

Lezzgo!

  • they got together after about - oh I dunno - TEN THOUSAND CENTURIES
  • jk just about seven years
  • they’re huge nerds
  • they play mythomagic together and go against each other in video games - especially in overwatch
  • and they talk about superheroes - 90% of the time about who would win: batman vs iron man
  • its so cute, and everyone teases them about it
  • don’t forget how they’re small and scrawny
  • you’ll just see lil’ leo sleepin in nico’s lap while nico looks like he’s cuddling a teddy bear and you’ll start squealing
  • but they’re also REALLY scary
  • like, oh ma gawd, you piss em off, it’s like awakening Satan from his eternal slumber
  • fucking hell will reign down and all you can do is run
  • nico can control the dead and literally becomes shadows and leo can summon fire and his intellect is smarter than most grown-ups - the tag team that can fucking murder you
  • gay and bi jokes
  • bi, nico!” “nice to see you togay too, valdez”
  • they listen to emo music 24/7
  • like nico’s always hearing My Chemical Romance and Leo is in love with Fall Out Boy
  • but they are little when compared to the best - Panic! at the Disco
  • “MISS JACKSON MISS JACKSON MISS JACKSON”
  • “GUYS, MY MOM TOLD YOU TO CALL HER SALLY”
  • oh and they also watch some strange shit
  • not that kind of strange shit - get your mind outta the gutter - I’m talking about mystery/creepy/horror shit
  • examples: STRANGER THINGS, SHADOWHUNTERS, AMERICAN HORROR STORY, AND - FROM OUR LORD AND SAVIOR - SUPERNATURAL
  • like they are legit pining for destiel
  • also they are IN LOVE WITH VOLTRON
  • SHUT UP IM HAVING A MOMENT
  • most of the camp make jokes about how klance is the upgraded version of them and theyre like “wait? we’re a tv trope now???”
  • they love dancing and singing together
  • like at the campfire nico is strumming the guitar and singing ed sheeran songs while leo is dancing like a fucking god and it’s beautiful
  • death jokes
  • lots of unhealthy death jokes
  • “nico, you look like death.” “I AM DEATH”
  • “leo, if you go in there, you’ll die!” “eh, been there, done that”
  • they usually make art together - leo with machines and nico with painting/sketches
  • everyone’s so jelly of their skills because that is not humanly possible wtf
  • nico gets along with hephaestus well because theyre both lonely souls and kinda understand each other
  • leo at first yells at hades because “WHY THE FUCK HAVE YOU NEVER HELPED YOUR SON YOU UNGRATEFUL-” 
  • and hades immediately likes him because leo really loves nico and wants to protect him and he’s a feisty little child
  • so he‘s chill with them
  • plus leo makes a lot of puns that nico hates and hades LOVES puns so…
  • persephone takes a lot of liking to leo
  • one time she kidnapped him for a kind of bonding time and nico got so jelly he went down to the underworld and kidnapped leo back
  • sadly leo refused to take off his flower crown
  • nico’s the dominant one in the relationship
  • no comment
  • they both protect hazel with their FUCKING LIVES; you mess with her you be dealing with two badass gremlins
  • but lets move to some angsty shit
  • they talk about everything together - what projects leo’s doing, what happened on a quest nico was given from his dad, so and so
  • they never keep a secret from each other
  • but from time to time bad memories come up and they talk to each other about it
  • dreams, Maria and Bianca, Esperanza, their times in Tartarus (WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF LEO SACRIFICED HIMSELF AND ENDED UP IN TARTARUS FUCK ME UP HOLY SHIT), and everything that has affected them during their horrible lives
  • they cry a lot but mostly just when they let it all out to each other
  • they hug and kiss and maybe have some comfort sex to help each other feel better
  • it’s really sweet
  • the two of them try their best to support one another
  • they whisper sweet nothings to each at night, know when to give each other some space, after they fight they both try to apologize no matter who was at fault, but they mostly just talk about…everything
  • and after several years of being together, nico proposes to leo on the mast of the former Argo ||, the ship that brought them together
  • no pun intended

So, here are my Valdangelo headcanons.

Thank you! I love you all!