Imagine how fucking horrible I felt during the ending of FFXV bc I was a fucking dumbass who only saved glitchy stupid pictures nOT KNOWING THE GAME WOULD SLIDESHOW THEM DURING THE END CREDITS I PROBABLY CRIED TEN TIMES HARDER THAN I NORMALLY WOULD AS IGNIS WITH A SALMON BODY OR NOCTIS WITH HIS FACE LITERALLY UP IGNIS’ BUTT IN MIDAIR DOING THE SPLITS PLAYED ACROSS MY SCREEN TO STAND BY ME
i just want u to know that i went through your entire "theory and criticism" tag with my boyfriend whilst he painfully said "no" or "bad" or "don't approve" or, once even, "not cool" (in response to the bird on cool whip) to every picture. thank you for providing this experience for me.
that’s exactly what the theory and criticism tag is meant for, thank you
15 000 000. How much is this? I can’t even imagine this amount of people in one place. But we are. And this place starts with TOP OF DA MORNIN’
If we all could hold hands we could hug the Earth!
so much for what you are doing. You are not just playing games. With
your thoughts, ideas, enthusiasm you inspire me, you make my day brighter. My
life now is a mess and I can’t find my place anywhere. But every time I feel bad and
in need for a helping hand, I know that you are there for me. Even if you don’t
know who I am. And your positivity, honesty, thoughts you share with us can
really cheer me up. Thank you. Thank you so much for being here.
I was too shy to
express my feelings for a long time. But now I just need to let the words
out. I know it’s the right time. And I know that one day they will reach you. And so will my love, respect
and support for you. And a couple of pictures :’)
Your way is in front of you. And before the next step you can just turn around to see how much people support you, how much people can have your back if you need.
And I hope you’ll see me there. As a voice from the crowd. As a friend.
my intention with transcribing that exchange from rose buddies was just to let people know that hey! griffin doesn’t really like it when you call pictures of him as a kid are “cursed.” i’ve probably said stuff like that once or twice in the past unthinkingly! but now, knowing he isn’t cool with it, i’m gonna stop. i advise you do too in order to respect griffin’s boundaries! you aren’t a bad person if you said “cursed image” in the tags of a post once or twice - what matters is that you change now that you know better.
but as a general word of advice, since i think this is a good time - don’t reblog photos of real people (especially internet personalities) if you don’t know where they came from. it’s fine to reblog pictures of the mcelroys as kids if the mcelroys actually consented to publishing them. for example, the photo of them with dave chapelle, or the pictures of travis and griffin that mary smirl posted for maxfundrive - those are meant to be seen.
but if you don’t see a PUBLIC instagram, twitter, or facebook source? if you can’t tell if something is MEANT to be shared? don’t reblog them. because sure, that blurry photo of a teenage nick robinson is a bit goofy and “relatable,” but are you seeing it because someone rifled through his second aunt’s private facebook?
it’s alright to be fans of real people. just remember: don’t be cruel, don’t be creepy, don’t be invasive. above all else, respect their boundaries, privacy, and feelings. they’re just regular people who say funny stuff for a living. their whole LIVES don’t exist for our consumption. we’re fortunate that they feel comfortable sharing what they do. don’t abuse that trust.
i make a funny post about my feelings of numbness; a person points out i have executive dysfunction. for a second i snort; i know i have mental illness, nothing new here under the sun. but then i realize how many of my symptoms i forget are symptoms. that it’s not normal to be tired all the time. that it’s not normal to get angry for no reason. that the fact i carefully balance between depression and anxiety isn’t a normal railroad track to be walking - i know that it’s not normal to constantly wonder if the train is coming; i forget other people aren’t standing in the way, that being hit isn’t even an option.
there are a lot of posts that make me laugh at first. “do you ever feel you’re running out of time for no reason?” the person asks. “anxiety,” another replies. it’s sort of sad-funny. but i wonder how many of us are asking “am i okay?” “is this me or a symptom or normal?”
how very sad none of us know what to expect out of this. i have a diagnosis and i still wonder if it’s normal to panic on buses. is it normal i’ve been having panic attacks since i was young? i picture my seven-year-old self with new technology. would i have typed into google why can’t i sleep or would i have assumed everyone constantly feels like they woke up from a bad dream?
do people who are healthy ask “does anyone else”? do people who are healthy ever have to wonder if they’re in one piece? what is it like?
“anyone else get bad feelings in classrooms?” i wonder aloud. somebody looks at me with pity. now it comes down to the question: is it me or anxiety?
Ellie Lee: let’s take a pic looking cool.
Jin: I’m a mother fucking bad ass look at my fake ass gun I will fuck u up with just one finger
Namjoon: if looks could impregnate you’d be pregnant 85 times already
Taehyung: sit on my face
Jeon: look at all the fucks I give
Yoongi: soft swagger thumbs up
Jimin: I don’t know whats going on but I’m going to just act cute 🤗
Hoseok: I’m here to fuck shit up hashtag fuck bitches and get money hashtag mister steal your girl hashtag where’s the weed
it gets easier to talk about but it also gets harder to talk about. i have to unfold things carefully, but the map shows better. here’s the first time i got hit by a parent, here’s the first time i got hit by a partner. they’re around the corner from each other, mirror images or hands holding or two sides of a blade. the look on people’s faces always is the same when they find out. like the words hurt them in the pit of their stomach. i feel bad when it does that; i know what it’s like to be suckerpunched. often i comfort people right after: oh, no, it’s okay, i’m okay now, it’s fine, i’m all in one piece, i got out, i’m a resilience child, i learned kindness, i found inner peace, i meditate twice a day, i do yoga and drink kale shakes and eat as if nobody ever made my teeth bleed. some of these are lies, but that is fine too, because it’s better that people don’t know an ugly truth.
sometimes i forget who in the room knows. i laugh about what happened like a punchline (get it) and people stare at me with mouths open like moons. oh my god, did that really happen to you? i don’t know. sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else, out on a distant planet. sometimes it feels like it never happened at all. sometimes it feels like it’s still happening. how can you laugh at that? and is that true? how do i say “because if i don’t laugh it’s serious” because of course it’s true. for proof: raise your hand a fraction too smooth. watch the shadow pass over my face. watch me curl away. watch me change. like a chameleon girl, i shift my shape. someone who doesn’t know laughs. you’re certainly jumpy. the girl at the table who helped me cover the bruise stares at me, watching my chest, trying to figure out if i’m panicking. he’s confused when quiet are you okay questions touch my skin - only those who know, only those who are watching.
and i smile, because it’s easier to talk about but it’s harder to admit it still effects me. memories should be left in the kingdom of dreams. sometimes i feel like i should be done with it already. i stare at a picture of cartoons that says if you don’t know these, you didn’t have a childhood. i know all but two of them. some of them i watched after it happened. i really liked scooby doo. in the end, the mask comes off and the bad guy is revealed and he goes to jail. in real life, i wait for someone to come take his mask off. it just makes him mean. the blue lights of the law never show up on the green of our lawn. i had a pretty good childhood, i think. it made me interesting, at least. i picked blueberries.
i laugh about it a lot. talk about how it’s funny that if you got abused there’s just, like, a second round of partner abuse, sitting out there, waiting for you. that you’re the most likely to pick an abuser from the crowd - or worse, like beauty and the beast, watch yourself become her. see your rotten hands and think of your father. isn’t that funny! that i can take a hit and i’d rather take a lifetime of them than be the one doing the giving just once. i talk about how you walk in the eclipse of it. that it confuses you when the sun comes out. that when you find someone who won’t hurt you, you still walk on eggshells, waiting for them to hurt you. i say it through a smile, because if you bend yourself the right way, your life looks more like comedy-drama than just plain tragedy. i watch fantastic beasts and where to find them and when the abused child turns out to be beyond saving, i hear myself laugh in a bark. or it was a sob. i can’t tell. it doesn’t matter. in my world, children like me learned about magic early, and how our own actions can turn a man from a gentle person into a savage beast.
okay, i say, smiling, maybe if you put it that way, yeah, i was abused and it wasn’t funny. but come on. think of the puns! you could say my life was really a hit! now don’t be upset. it’s funny. it’s funny. it’s funny.
There will be a compilation video of all the parts into one video, so please don’t make one lol. it’ll come out in a few days.
Sorry for all the watermarks and the low quality finished picture guys. :C I’ve been getting a LOT of art theft lately and I just know that this is just a buffet on a silver platter for those art thieves if I make this full quality like usual, even with a watermark. but I hope you enjoy! There’s no watermark in the video but that’s only because if someone screen shot it, it still would look bad as a print or whatever.