i know that because now im going back and editing this one

top 10 phan moments that make me wanna rip my heart out

yeah, just ten moments among hundreds, let it be part one or something. tell me what i’ve missed because i want more suffering in my life.

10) mind control.

i mean, i appreciate the subtlety. i crave those tiny moments that you only notice when someone points them out to you. but this! you can’t miss this one, this moment is shoved down our throats. this is so “i’m allowed to do that to you, to be in your personal space, and gaze into your eyes for no reason, just because i want to”. and phil’s face in that moment, so much joy and mischief, he claps his hands and gazes back.

9) chest touch.

drama queen howell strikes again, it hurts to rewatch it srsly, why is he so extra? but what is phil doing ladies and gents? he slaps his chest in the weirdest way possible, he brushes it, it’s like he wants to shove him but reassuringly and the movement happens so fast you have to pause for a second to comprehend it. that sweet gentle boy is so fond of dan’s unnecessary commentary and yeah, it completely distracts us from what dan is saying at that moment.

8) feel my heartbeat.

was that necessary, really? like, i don’t ask my friends to feel my heartbeat when i’m scared, that was such a “horror movie at first date” bullshit, that’s not what people do?? and when dan does feel that beautiful hummingbird heart, phil just covers his hand with his own palm because yes, you gotta feel it very close, no air between your hand and my chest. dan immediately looks into the camera to show us that yeah, i know you’re there, nothing strange, and makes a comment about phil dying. wow.

7) phil the delivery man.

i don’t know what to say. it’s so simple but why does phil have to make such an act of bringing dan his charger, why does he talk in that stupid voice?? they have a banter, and then phil FIXES DAN’S CHARGER FOR HIM, like what?? who asked you to do that? where’s my IT guy au (literally, he’s got glasses, look at him). and before he leaves he plays the piano that nerd, what an attention seeker, and then bows!! is he tipsy? did he have a pre-liveshow orgasm or something? dan laughs fondly and it’s all i need in the world.

6) child beer.

what’s happening and does it even matter. phil’s hiding on the floor, but why? to surprise us? eh whatever. so he’s got that magical japanese powdery stuff and he wants dan to taste it. the biggest problem for me here, ahem, i mean the thing that just kills me every time is that phil spends the whole time (eight minutes) on his knees and he looks so cute when he makes that beer, holds it close to the camera, and then lets the foam sit so dan can have the ultimate child beer experience.

it reminds me of that hot chocolate video, where he does something so trivial but he’s so gentle and loving about it. i still don’t understand why they didn’t do a simple taste test like bros, but phil had to make it for dan, he wanted to see his reaction. and then he tries it as well, touches the glass rim with his lips at the same place where dan’s mouth just was (gross).

and i just can’t ignore how that boy sneaks past dan’s room after that, he’s playful, he stops to say that he googled something and dan was wrong, and domesticity, i wanna die.

5) sleeping phil on tour.

i kinda wanna talk about the angle here because i don’t understand how it was filmed (camera is pretty static, dan’s hand reaches from the side, not behind), but i don’t know if it matters here. what matters is how gentle dan is. of course, he starts with classic nose tickling, which is what “messing with a sleeping friend” usually implies, but then he frees one strand of phil’s hair and just lets it fall. wow, fantastic prank, dan.

and let’s separately discuss that pout/kiss phil does after he opens his eyes. i know you want a slow mo replay, so here we go:

that’s what i call “im gonna stay asleep but i love you”. where’s the nearest cliff so i can fling myself into abyss?

4) the look.

context what context. why did they keep it? why did they put it on fullscreen instead of hiding in the corner? two full-length looks dan, really?? you know what he looks like, why do you have to examine him like that in front of us you slut. and it just passes, without acknowledgment, they just turn back at us simultaneously and I’M STILL DEAD at that moment, i don’t care what happens next.

3) snoot. proot. (i just filmed you doing that)

i don’t even care what it was. something about piano sounds or whatever, but this video haunts me. THERE’S SO MUCH TO IT. first, phil is lying on dan’s bed (at least in the official version it’s dan’s, not mutual), just chilling?? and dan’s working i guess. so they are not actually doing something together but it’s a cozy evening, why would they spend it in different rooms? dan says something, idk, and phil replies “yeah” in that deep voice I SWEAR i haven’t heard from him before. dan makes the sounds again, like can you believe he’s an actual dork in real life, it’s not an act, he’s actually the weirdest boy alive, and he so obviously doesn’t know he’s being filmed. because when phil says “i just filmed you doing that you’re so weird”, he’s so delighted, he laughs at himself, he turns around, his hair is pushed back omg they are both so sleepy and i rejoice. i think this video gives us a rare but fantastic insight in their everyday life, phil must be keeping so much silly videos like that on his google drive and we never get to see them BUT SOMEHOW he posts this one, probably because dan is cute and he wants everyone to know it.

2) you loved it. you wanna do it more.

so, yes. you know this one. where do i even begin?? they play this dragon quiz and then 1) phil says “you loved it” in the strangest voice, like the voice we never hear from him, it’s deeper and quieter, he looks at dan even though dan’s not looking back; 2) dan is looking down as if he’s fiddling with an ipad or something, it’s almost a bts moment, something they would usually edit out. AND THEN THREE SECONDS OF SILENCE while dan kinda processes what’s going on and phil still looks at him expectantly. seductive as fuck. and now this quiet “alright”, i’m just… dan looks like he’s gotten the hint, so he’s a little embarrassed and they share the softest laugh. 

the thing is, we know how often phil makes sexual innuendos and dan always reacts the same way: he looks into the camera, he throws a witty comment in, he puts it on display to show us that there’s no intimacy in that moment. but not this time. i don’t understand why they didn’t edit it out. i just… don’t.

1) pantless liveshow
this is the ultimate. this is the weirdest and the most awesome thing these two gave me and i’m not even sure what can top that. the moment when phil decides to grab the humidifier and show us, he looks at the screen, says “one second” and stands up very awkwardly while dan turns the laptop away from him and makes the weirdest “how you doing” face. 

WHAT THE FUCK. did they think we were so used to them weirdos that we wouldn’t even notice that shit? but fuck, they do it again, they want to show us the spray and dan goes “should i go get it? you have to do phil’s corner”. like, i can’t function, i honestly can’t. AND THE WORST PART is when dan returns and we can see him covering his legs with a blanket just too fast like it’s not that cold boy come on.

i have no explanation and i have every explanation. i don’t deserve all this suffering.

A Letter to my Ex Best Friend

Sorry for any grammatical errors. I haven’t edited it yet so I’m sorry in advance lolll. But this is something very personal that I wrote today and hopefully someone else could relate. 

————-

I was going through my memory box today and a lot of stuff that involved you came up.  It brought me back to the good times and I almost texted you but then I remembered that you’re just a stranger now. It’s been a couple months since we last talked. Crazy huh? How in just a year we went from being inseperable to complete strangers. If someone had asked us a year or two ago if we could see our life without each other in it, we would have laughed and said no; Now here we are.

I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about you or that I didn’t miss you. I do miss you, a lot. So much has happened since we last talked, and I wish I could share it all with you. There has been times where I picked up my phone to text you but then I would remember you’re not that person anymore; And it’s sad because for the longest time it seemed like you’d be that person who stayed in my life for a long while. I miss being close with your family and being able to call your home my home as well. I miss having the privilege of saying I had more than one family. It’s crazy how much can change in a short amount of time.

I hope you don’t hate me for walking away when I did. I hope one day you understand that I had to or else we would have never known just how toxic our friendship had been. There is quite a few things I know I could have done better and shouldn’t have done, same goes for you. We are both to blame for our friendship being as unhealthy as it was. Though it was so unhealthy, we shared a lot of great memories and I’d like to think it was equally good as it was bad.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry we’re not best friends anymore and I’m sorry I had to be the one to walk away. I’m sorry for any pain I caused. I’m sorry I couldn’t be your person anymore. I’m sorry we couldn’t do everything we wanted to. I’m sorry I tried to blame you for our friendship ending. I’m sorry I tried to hate you because damn did I try. I tried so hard and for awhile it worked because hating you and being mad at you was easier than missing you. But I realize that I could never hate you, no matter how mad I am about what happened. I’m sorry this is how it had to end for us, but that’s life for you. Not everything goes the way it should or how you want it to.

But I would like to thank you. Thank you for being my person for as long as you were. Thank you for being patient with me while I learned how to trust another person. Thank you for the memories I will never forget. Thank you for caring enough to break through the walls I had worked so hard to build over the years. Thank you for being the person I could run to for everything and anything. Thank you for being the person I could count on. Thank you for being the person I could confide in without the fear of judgement. Thank you for teaching me how to love and be loved. Thank you for showing me that I can still trust others and be trusted. Thank you for proving to me that people come into our lives for a reason and though they may not stay, the lessons learned are a blessing.

I would like to say I can see us being friends again in the future but I’d only be spitting out false hope. It would never be the same and if I happen to see you one day, I’ll smile and walk away. My heart will break a little and all our memories will hit me like a train but I’ll feel grateful for the time we did have together. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever and unfortunately I learned you are one of those people. They say some people only come into your life to teach you a lesson and leave, but the most important people leave a mark. Well you left a mark and I am thankful for you coming into my life when you did.

I know you may never see this but I needed to get it off my chest. There were a lot of words unsaid and a lot of words I wish I could have said. I guess I’m writing this to get a small sense of closure for myself.

I hope you and your family are doing well. I hope you get everything you want and more in the life you chose for yourself.

You’ll always hold a place in my heart.

Sincerely,

Your Ex Best Friend

sirius black (age 16-21)
  • wears eyeliner
  • always has a rubber band for his hair on his right wrist
  • got a muggle tattoo gun secondhand and enchanted it so he could make his tattoos move (see: a moon that changes shape according to the current phase)
  • loves boys
  • especially remus
  • people thought he was dating james for years - so much so that they were surprised when he was actually confirmed to be dating remus
  • likes stealing his boyfriend’s sweaters
  • braids lily’s hair and lets lily braid his
  • didn’t cut his hair at all over his first year at hogwarts; when he came back home over the summer (to get clothes before going to stay with the potters) his mom told him to cut it and his response was to never cut it again
  • can sing
  • wanted to start a band called ‘the marauders’
  • gives kisses to everyone when leaving a room, especially peter, because it makes him slightly uncomfortable
  • gives everyone matching marauders tattoos on their left shoulders
  • has asked both dumbledore and mcgonagall on dates
  • mcgonagall: get out of here and stop being ridiculous black
  • dumbledore: ah sirius i’ve already promised my heart to one james potter
  • paints his nails and got detention for flipping someone off after they told him it was ‘a girl thing’
  • has a reputation as a heartbreaker for some reason, when he’s never dated anyone
  • they seem to think he ‘leads them on’ when he’s been hung up on remus since their third year
  • used to scare frank longbottom, still doesn’t know why
  • hung a poster of a muggle girl for the following reasons
    • the fact that she was a muggle would piss off his parents
    • he knew they’d get even more pissed if he hung a poster of a muggle boy, but he wasn’t ready to tell them he was gay
  • has convinced his friends to go to muggle music festivals during the summer more then once, during which has gotten both flowers braided into his hair and into several fights
  • wants to kiss remus so badly sometimes his hands shake and his heart aches
  • nothing happens until remus has a particularly bad transformation and they’re sitting in the shrieking shack after he’s back to his human form and peter and james have gone to the kitchens to get food to bring back and he has his arm around remus’ shoulders and remus is leaning into him wrapped in a blanket and suddenly he looks up and sees sirius looking at him with an expression that looks like it belongs on the face of someone in a fucking nicholas sparks movie and he grabs sirius by the chin and kisses him hard and sirius is so shocked he doesn’t respond at all for half a second then he sighs into remus’ mouth and they make out for a solid fifteen minutes until james and peter come back with the food and they just hear from the door ‘jesus christ, i was worried they wouldn’t do it this year’ ‘shit, wormy, i owe you ten galleons’
  • obsesses over his best man duties when james asks him
  • feels both proud and slightly guilty that the other boys aren’t in the same position as him so he tries not to gloat
  • tries to get james to use sleekeazy’s hair potion at his wedding, fails
  • does lily’s hair and calm’s james’ nerves and ties remus’ tie and gets the dirt stain out of peter’s pants from where he fell thirty minutes before the ceremony
  • makes a killer fuckin speech with absolutely no editing or censorship and gets scandalized looks from family members but cheers from their hogwarts friends
  • loves his friends so so much and is willing to die for them
  • knows things are probably about to go to shit because they could all die any day now but for now relishes in the best day they’ve had and probably will have for a while
8 reasons why you should watch Sense8

[READ ON MEDIUM FOR A BETTER LAYOUT AND VIDEOS]

Most people probably know by now that Sense8 fans just pulled off the impossible and brought the ridiculously expensive and technical/organizational nightmare that is this show back from the death for a 2 hour special.

We believe we can get more than that, so does Lana Wachowski, creator of the show, who wrote: ‘It’s my great pleasure (…) to announce that there will be another two hour special released next year. After that… if this experience has thought me anything, you NEVER know

Netflix says it needs a bigger audience to be profitable, I’m here to fix that problem, here’s why you need to watch Sense8:

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Tips for Nuerotypicals when a borderline they may know experiences a breakdown (edited)

• WE ARE HAVING A BREAKDOWN!!!!- Im so sick of seeing posts were people get angry with mentally ill people for this. It’s so important to understand that people cope differently some of us may need someone to talk to, a hug or if you’re like me you just need some space to recollect. This doesn’t mean we hate you it is just how some people cope.

• Making us feel guilty will not stop negative coping mechanisms but will only further push us to them as a way to seek comfort and ‘safety’.

• You cannot save us. We have an illness just like any other, please don’t become frustrated if your efforts to pull us out of this funk don’t work! (However your efforts are really appreciated) if doctors got frustrated at patients for not feeling better immediately this world would be messy af.

• Sometimes the only explanation for why I’m feeling like this is that I have emotionally unstable disorder. Not everything needs to be assessed Freud style.

• SPLITTING IS NOT A CHOICE!! YOU DONT PICK WHO YOU SPLIT ON!! please don’t be offended if we split most of the time we won’t let you know because must of us beat ourselves up for feeling this way. P.s. We may not actually be splitting because you’ve done something wrong in some cases it could be a projection of how the individual is feeling about themselves.

• If we have split and we tell you about it, please, please refrain from making us feel guilty I really can’t stress this enough!!

• Having borderline personality disorder means that our ability to maintain positive and healthy relationships is very difficult.

• Please respect the coping mechanism of a borderline. Especially borderlines that just need space, however difficult this may be understand that this is someone’s mental health rather than a way to spite you or hurt you.

• Be patient!! I assure you that once we are able
to feel back in control of these feelings we will be able to interact better.

• Do not expect an apology. You wouldn’t expect a person with a broken leg to apologise for cancelling plans due to the leg you’d almost even expect it; so please don’t expect borderlines to have to apologise for the way that they feel. ONCE AGAIN IT IS AN ILLNESS AND WILL BE TREATED AS ONE.

• Some borderlines have no empathy. For example my levels of empathy depend on how I feel at the time. Right now for example
I have no empathy. This doesn’t mean we don’t care about you or about what you’re telling us. Most of the time borderlines switch their empathy off when they have to much on their own plate.

• Most importantly, we still love and value you. And even though we may have difficulty expressing this when our mood is like this please don’t forget. We are working on it and we are trying but please be patient with us, bpd is such an exhausting disorder.

If you have bpd, feel free to add your own these are just some of things I feel like I needed to point out. I am going through a really shitty time and I thought this may help others explain to people around them what they need.
NOTE: I AM NOT IN ANYWAY SUGGESTING THAT EVERYONE WITH BPD FEELS THIS WAY. THESE ARE BASED OF MY EXPERIENCE AND ARE NOT MEANT TO INVALIDATE ANYONE ELSES

A Secret | SICHENG

so you’ve chosen a secret for your seven minutes in heaven? collab with @versigny and co, choose another path here

Genre: frat/college!au | fluff | mild angst sexual themes

Member: Sicheng / Reader

Word Count: 10,400+

Warnings: language, references and usage of drugs and alcohol, sexual themes

Originally posted by taeflower

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two rotten apples [m] | pt. 3

credit: x.

❛❛we’re next-door neighbors and have hated each other since middle school but now we’re going to the same university how can we avoid the other person like the plague so there isn’t a crime scene— what do you mean you promised my mom you would keep an eye on me???? you fucking planned this❜❜ AU

COUNT → 21.489

GENRE → smut | angst

PAIRING → jungkook | reader

WARNINGS → dom and sub tones | threesome | oral sex | explicit language | penetration | public sex | grinding | graphic dirty talk | slight female masturbation | overstimulation

LINKS → 1 | 2 | 3COMING SOON


As the back of Jungkook’s head rested against the driver seat’s headrest, catching his breath, your glare hardened.

Once again, he’d fucked you and not cared whether you came or not. In fact, for the duration of his penis being in your vagina, he’d barely even touched you. And sadly, it hadn’t even occurred to you he’d used you once again until it was too late. Your clit didn’t matter to him apparently; your pleasure didn’t matter to him either. All that mattered was his dick. That’s all that ever fucking mattered.

After that weekend at the camping grounds where you actually came for once, you were expecting something better than whatever the fuck he called this performance. Your horny brain had quickly forgotten that it’d been your own fingers that got yourself off—not him—and those nights you spent in his tent were no exception. Why were you so surprised? This was Jungkook you were talking about—he would never fucking care about you or any part of you.

And that’s why this was the final fucking straw.

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VOLTRON ACTOR!AU HEADCANONS (Season 2 edition)

HELLO BITCHES IM BACK 

warning: these contain spoilers from season 2

  • zarkon’s actor is the grandpa that spoils the vld kids rotten and they all love him
    • originally the scene where zarkon beats up shiro for the black lion was going to be a bit more violent than it looked until zarkon’s actor asked the producer if they could tone it down the scene a bit because he was worried he would hurt shiro
  • GALRA CREW ARE LITERALLY THE MOST CHILL GUYS EVER
  • one time the actors of the 80′s voltron showed up in the studio and shiro cried for like 20 minutes
    • he did the thing where he doesn’t stop shaking their hands because he’s too busy gushing about how much he loved the original 80′s voltron
  • since it’s confirmed Lance’s fave song is Single Ladies they always like to play it at random because it’s Lance’s fucking tradition to ALWAYS JAM TO THIS SONG
    • ALWAYS
      • they’re filming a scene where Lance is fighting in the episode where they save Slav and then Pidge starts playing Single Ladies on the speakers and LANCE JUST STARTS JAMMING WHILE THE CAMERA IS STILL ROLLING
        • Hunk: That music’s really loud I’m gonna turn that off-
        • Lance: DON’T GO TURN IT OFF CUS YOU KNOW IT’S MY JAM LEMME GO T U R N  I T   UP
  • When Keith finished filming the scene where he undergoes the trial for the Blade of Marmora he asks all the dudes he just beat up if they were okay like a million times
    • “DID I HIT YOU TOO HARD I’M SO SORRY!!!!”
  • In episode two where Hunk and Lance end up underwater Hunk kept singing Under the Sea
  • all the Galra Keith jokes Hunk made where all improv and golden they had to keep all of them in
    • it wasn’t too long until keith started doing it too
      • “are you trying to see if my skin is purple???????!”
  • Pidge really did build all those trash models of the Voltron crew by herself
  • the actors of child!coran and baby!coran are coran’s grandkids
    • ALLURA LOVES THEM SO MUCH
    • she spoils them rotten outside of filming 
  • allura’s snapchat story was once full of just pics of her and keith getting their make up ready before filming started and they started making fun of shiro’s eyeliner at one point
  • yes they actually got a cow for the episode in Space Mall
  • everytime Keith doubts himself of his acting Lance does this
  • a lot of voltron’s fight scenes were done with motion capture + 3d effects
    • it was highly used during the last ep in season 2 with the fight between voltron and zarkon
  • the amount of times coran slipped during the episode where he has the slipperies was almost enough to outmatch the amount keith injured himself during his fighting scenes
  • it’s a running joke now for the cast that whenever they are asked a yes/no question if you answer with a yes you have to say ‘Yup’ like how Laika the yupper did
  • Pidge’s snapchat: *posts a picture of the scene where matt escaped* cryptid spotted
  • after they filmed the scene where Keith and Shiro hugged Shiro went to hug the rest of the cast because HE LOVES HIS SPACE FAMILY OK

i still got like way more but my brain is kind of deflating atm so this is is all i got for now LMAO 

Foundation

Some langst i thought up of

•Lance is jealous that Keith has Shiro , Pidge has Hunk , Coran has allura . He felt left out and unfit for the group . He truly left like a 7th wheel .

•Lance is still insecure and never had reassurance , so he thought it would be best to just leave and go back to earth .

•he thinks leaving would be the option since allura had taken over the blue lion . Plus he would be able to see his family again . (Though he doesnt really want to leave because the palladins are also his family)

•he decides to pack at night and he goes up
To blue to say goodbye and tells her she will always be his lion and he goes to red and thanks her for accepting him and his voice starts to crack and ends up crying and he says take care of keith cause he can be hot headed

 •He went inside his space pod and took one last sigh and remembered all the times he had with his friends . How he looked up to Shiro , How he will miss his bestfriends cooking , being a brother figure to Pidge while still looking for matt , becoming good friends with allura , seeing coran as his uncle and lastly , how now overcame the rival stage with keith and became close friends with him .

• He hesistates for a moment , but continues anyway . His last words were “ I know you guys can do it . Goodluck on defending the universe" and rides off into space .  

 •Next morning  , they were to report to a meeting to discuss their next attack on lotor . Once all of them was there , they questioned the absence of Lance . They probably thought he overslept or totally forgot about the meeting , so they decided to go to his room .  They knock on his door , but he there was no answer , so they all went inside . They looked around and he was no where to he found , but they saw a paper on his bed that says . “Im sorry I couldnt tell you any of this , but I left to go back to earth . I miss my family . I- I really appreciate the time we all had together and defending the universe with you guys” . P.S , Allura , take care of blue for me .  

 • 3 days has passed , Lance not knowing where he is , not knowing how many light years he is  from earth . The silence of the space pod , was uncomfortable for him . He enjoyed hearing the laughter and the voices from his friends , feeling a tear form in his eyes he tells himself , “its okay , its okay he wipes his tears and says

• “dont regret any of this . Theyre better off without me ”

 •His space pod is running out of fuel and hes also running out of supplies to eat . He had no option , but to go to the closest planet . Strangely enough it was the balmera planet . 

 •He landed safely in the balmera planet , he looked around to see the planet was lively and safe . He was shocked when he heard a girl say “hey , arent you hunks friend?” He turned around to see shay . 

, he remembered her when they were fighting and protecting the balmera from getting destroyed . Also , Hunk wouldnt stop talking about her and how grateful he was to have met her . The boy was totally inlove with her . He smiled as memories flood in of him and hunk in the kitchen , while hunk was preparing to make a special meal , Lance was just sitting ,  staring at his bestfriend prepare the meal while , he talked about the love of life . He was talking about how Shay was a very nice person and hunk had such a soft look on his face while talking about her . and Lance just smiled at his bestfriend , glad that hes found someone he was fond of . He also questions if he , himself wil also find someone he can talk about so proudly and fondly of . Then Lance , remembered how Allura and Keith were getting closer and how bothered he was by it . 

“I hate his stupid mullet so much “ Hunk turned around and gave Lance a weird look . “Are you talking about Keith ?” Lance nodded , it was him alright his rival per say , although they were getting closer to one  another so we had no say of where their relationship stand was at the moment . 

Hunk asked “do you actually hate him? “ Lance looked at Hunk weirdly , he was caught off guard with the question . Honestly , he never did , he never hated the guy . not at all . its quite the opposite , he respected him a lot due to his abilities  , he was envious of him . he would never say this to Keiths face , but hes axtually glad to be his rival . His thoughts were interupted when Shay was waving a hand in front of him , asking him if hes alright . 

“O-ohh What was that ? ,  sorry I was thinking about something” Lance sighed , hunk would be so jealous of him right now , he’d been dying to see Shay . Shay looked at lance with concern , but with a tint of curiosity , “Are the other palladins with you ? “ Shay was looking at Lance for an answer , Lance just looked at her , sweat dropped down his forehead . how was he going to explain all of this to her ? . 

“Oo-oh no just me and my handsome self ✨” Lance tried to hide the the overcoming feeling of  sadness and guilt with a smile . Shay noticed this a bit , but decided to nodd it off . “Oh I see , so what brings you here palladin?” . Lance was stuck in a turmoil , should he tell her ? Should he tell her hes just visiting ? It wouldnt be bad to tell her right? She had no way to contact Hunk so he wouldnt know and they wouldnt come looking for him . He needed to leave fast . 

“Why would he leave us ? “ Hunk slid back on the couch , looking up at the ceiling , worried about what happened to his bestfriend , if hes okay , if the galrans captured him . A lot of negative thoughts circled his mind. He knew his bestie wouldnt just up and leave . He knew something was wrong . “well he did say in the letter , he missed his family , so thats what motivated him to leave “ Pidge replied as she was typing on her computer trying to get coordinates of Lotors where abouts .  “I know that , but I think theres more to this than what we see “ Shiro replied as he walked back and forth across the room trying to think of ways to get a hold of Lance , also worried about his safety . Keith was silent throughout this , but his mind is jumbled of thoughts that occurred during the bedroom scene . Now recalling it , Lance did go to him , saying he would step down since he wasnt needed . They were getting closer or so he thought . Everytime he was getting closer to Lance , Lance goes farther away and Keithwas now angry . Lance didnt tell him anything about leaving . His head hurt . Did lance think he was useless to the team? Did he feel inferior ? His train of thoughts were interrupted when Hunk shot up from his slouch position , and screamed “ We have to go find him” everybody looked at Hunk , they knew he was serious . He was , Lances bestfriend afterall . 

“But Lotor can be roaming around and we need to find him . We dont have time to look for Lance” Keith lashed out . Keith now regretting what he said , he was angry at Lance for leaving the group . . Just leaving a piece of letter behind and went on with his life . What about his duty as a palladin? He thought Lance was being selfish . His own selfishness will cause the group to be in disaray . He looked at Hunk and saw a painful look on Hunks face  . Hunk sighed and replied . &ldquo ,no one stopped you when you tried to look for your brother (Shiro) , but you cant stop me when im looking for my bestfriend . If you guys arent coming with me , im going alone “ Hunk was determined to find Lance . He knew something was wrong , he knew Lance enough to know when he did something irrational , it was due to his inner turmoil . All that said he needed to go look for him . 

“Um my space pod kind of ran out of gas , but Ill just stay here for a bit to rest and look for some supplies , if thats alright with you guys?“ nbsp;“ Lance looked at Shay for an answer just responded  “"oh okay , please come, youre more than welcome , meet the other balmerians , we will be happy to help , since you saved us “ Lance was happy Shay was here . She was a calming person to be around , and also glad that theyre giving him hospitality . Also , he was all alone to a kind of new enviornment so , he wasnt fully relaxed yet . 

Keith looked at Hunk and wanted to apologize  , but was already walking away .  Keith got up to catch up to Hunk , only to for the both of them to be stopped by Allura .
“You guys just , please lets all calm down and talk this through , I know we are all sad about Lance , but we need to make a plan before actually going out to look for him ”

They both stopped in their tracks , surprised that Allura isnt going to tell them that we need to move on , just like she did with Shiro , but to come up with a plan to help look for him .

“I dont want him to end up alone , hurt and discomfort . I dont want him to go through what Shiro went through , so lets take precautions .” They all looked at Allura and smiled . Shiro went through a lot and went through more . She didnt want the same thing happening to Lance . She became good friends with Lance and she didnt want this friendship to tarnish . Moving on didnt help Shiro and the team . It made them mature yes , but the wound was still there .

Hunk started to walk back and Keith stopped him and apologized “Hunk , look , im sorry , I - it came out wrong and I didnt mean to say it that way ” Hunk also apologized for acting irrational “its okay buddy , and im sorry to , I just , I just worried about him . They gave each other weak smiles and walked back to the couch .

“Iv never seen Hunk so serious before , nice job keef ” Keith was about to retort , but only gave her a look . He wanted to keep his tempure on check , since backlashing isnt going to help anything . She snorted  and continued to look up at her computer screen . she stopped looking for Lotors coordinates , but instead was looking for a way to locate Lances location . This was harder than she thought since they had no knowledge of what kind of Pod Lance used .
Pidge didnt want to show that she was concerned about Lance , but in reality she really was . She was like his brother and now for him to walk out of her life like that felt like Matt was leaving her all over again . It hurted her . She didnt want to experience the pain all over again .

Shay led Lance to were a bunch of balmerans were . It looked to be a gathering of some sort . “Here lance have some food ” Lance took the food and gave it a weird look , questioning what it was , why did it look so pink and gooey , but Lance had no choice , since his stomach was practicaly screaming to be full .

“Lets do a little introduction , heres my family , thats my brother Rax , my grandmother Rena  , my father rox  , and my grandmmother Rilla” Lance bowed and pointed his gun fingers at them and greeted them . “Hey there the names , Lancey Lance , but you can call me handsome ✨” they all looked at him and gave a nervous laugh and sweat dropped. They didnt know how to react to such a behavor . Rena walked up to Lance and gently grabbed his arm , “youre more than welcome to be here , after saving us from such tragic . ” her smile was warm and big . Lance felt a gush of happiness , she reminded him of his Abuelita from back home . Her sweet singing , her good cooking , he- all of sudden tears start streaming from his eyes . 

He really missed his mother  hugs , his grandmothers hugs , the rain , the verardo beach , his little cousins , but he also missed playing on Pidges computer and using her headphones to listen to music , watching Hunk cook and charting with him about everything , training with Shiro , having small talks with Allura , helping coran clean the healing pods and Keith , he missed Keith , and His stupid mullet , he misses bickering with him . Everything was crashing down on him . He was so tired . He hated the feeling of not being of use to the team , he hated feeling like a hindurance to the team . Tired . Tired of everything . Tired of being away from both of his homes at the same time . His home at the castle of lions and his home art earth . Rena took Lances arm and asked if he was alright , Lance looked at her and he couldnt do it anymore , he hugged Rena , and poured out his heart . “Im so sorry” his voice cracked “im so selfish , im not a good friend , i-i Im so useless I hate mysel-” Rena hushed him and held him in her arms . Lance held on to Rena , he could feel his legs give out . They both fell on the floor , Lance still clutching onto Rena. Rena told the other balmerans to leave them be , except Shay . 

Shay looking sympathetically towards Lance , wishing she could help him anyway possible . She wished Hunk was here to also help him . She sar next to Lance and Rena . The tears wouldnt stop , he wanted to go home , but he didnt know which home . With the palladins or with his earth family . A fee moments later Lance fell in a slumber sleep . Shay ruffled Lances hair and wiped tears away , she looked at Grandma Rena and asked , “Do you think Lance will be okay? ” Rena looked at Lance , she thought that poor guy looked like he was having a hard time with himself , but he looked a bit relaxed in his sleep . “Yeah he will be fine . He just needs time . “ 


 Pidge pulled up a map of the galaxy “Okay so Lance shouldnt be that far from us , his space pod should only get him a atleast 2 if not three planets away from us ” Allura inserted , ” there are three possible planets that he went to since hes ran out of gas . First planet is Robus X , Ubio and lastly the Balmera Planet . . Hunk walked up to the map and closely looked up at the three planets . He examined them one by one . Robus X and Ubio was out of the list , he looked at the balmeran planet , he has a hunch he might be there . “you guys , I feel like Lance would be in the Balmera planet” Pidge looked at Hunk and grinned . Pidge went up to Hunk and lightly poked his stomach and teased him “ you just want to see your girlfriend ” . Allura , Shiro and Keith and Coran just looked at each other and shrugged . “No-no you guys , im being serious , I have a feeling hes there ” They all looked at him and remembered how Hunks hunches were somewhat accurate . And everybody decided they would put faith in Hunks hunch . Shiro walked up to Hunk and placed his hand on his shoulders and smiled at him . “ Okay Coran and Allura , lets go to the Balmera Planet “ Coran and Allura got into their position and opened up a black hole in front of them . A black hole that goes right into the Balmeran Planet .In everybodies head , they hope Hunk is right and that he is there and safe . 


 Opening his eyes was harder than he thought . He felt like his eyes were shut with glue . He was laying down on the floor a rock as a pillow , but somehow it felt really soft . Shay saw Lance shuffle on his sleep , and shook his shoulders a bit . “H-hey youre awake now , are you alright?” Lance looked up to see Shay , Smiling, but her eyes seemed so concerned about him . Lance got up and looked around the room to look for Rena . “Hey , im alright , thanks shay , by the way , wheres Rena?” Shay got up and grabbed a Cloth and put a bit if water on it and handed it to Lance . “Shes making us food at the moment , I wanted to help , but I wanted to tend to you ” Lance smiled and grabbed the cloth and wiped his face with it . He probably looks terrible from all that crying and sniffing . “Food is ready , im glad youre awake Lance ” Shay got up and helped Rena set up the table and food .  


Lance felt so bad , he felt like hes been taking advantage of them , first he comes uninvited to their planet and take their supplies to embark on his journey to earth , where he literally has no idea which way it is, next He showed him how weak he was by crying infront of them and now he is being fed .This is too much . He is always recieving , but never giving back . He Couldnt stay here any longer , he needed to leave . He didnt want to inconvinence them any longer so Lance has decided . “Hey Rena and Shay thanks for everything , but youve done enough , I cant take anymore from you guys , thank you. I really need to get going Ladies” Lance gets up to leave only to be stopped by Rena 


. “Please stay to eat , you need it ” He looked at Shay and Rena , eyes were pleading to stay with them , he was about to retort , but he sighed and gave in . Theyre too nice of a person to say no to . All of three started to walk towards the table and pick at their food . Lance looked at his food and back at both Shay and Rena . He was truly , thankful , for these two. They also reminded him of his sister and his grandma . Rena noticed Lance staring at her and smiled , “ Something the matter ? ” Lance looked away still a smile on his lips and tells them of how the three of them eating reminded him of his sister and grandma. “Ahh , I see , why dont you tell us more about your earth family ? ” Shay asked excitedly . 

Lance realized he has only known these two for only in a short amount of time , but he didnt hesitate to tell them at all . It felt natural to tell them , natural to talk to them . Hes about to tell them his life story . Not that he wouldnt mind , its just that , it felt like hes been knowing them forever , Thats a good sign . Or a weak sign because he trusts too easily , but he knows deep in his heart , these people are too be trusted . “W-well , I have a big family at home . I have 3 little cousins , 2 brothers and 2 sisters , Im the oldest one and of course my grandma , my mother and my dad . ” Lance smiled as he remembers his hometown and his friends and his favorite beach in the world . The verardo beach . “Our family would always go to the beach , even when its cold . We are commitsd to Tuesday Beach Day . Lance laughed and continued ” I always look after my brothers and sisters at home while my parents where away from work. My mom is has a resturant and my dad helps with the cooking . Also , My mother gives the best hugs!!“ Lance remembers during his birthdays , his other siblings birthdays , relatives birthday , or any holiday . There would always be a lot of food . And a lot of people would come over friends and family . It would get crazy and loud , but fun. “My grandma , she also gives the best hugs , I cant say whose hugs i like more , but theyre both the best ” Lance paused to eat some of his food and continued “ My three cousins , are a big pain in the butt to take care of . Seriously they run around all over the place ! . One time they tied me up and put my hair in a pony tail !” Rena and Shay in unison laughed , Rena thought . Lance had such a vibrant and all around fun family . Of course , there will always be discourse here and there , but would it really be a family if there wasnt ? Rena stopped laughing and wiped the tear from her eyes “Your family must be really fun to be with , truly they do love and miss you .” Lance smiled turned into a frown he thought “ love and miss me huh? , I wonder if they do , I wonder if theyre looking for me and or even remotly remember me at all” lances train of thought interrupted when Rena asked

 ” so , what about your palladin family?“ Lance looked up to Rena and hesistated to answer for a sec , but proceeded . "W-well , um theres 7 of us . 2 beautiful ladies , Allura , shes really smart and shes an altean princess and super strong , youve met her before . Theres Pidge , shes a gremlin ,but shes my little sister kinda , shes tech savy and really smart . Theres Coran , hes like my uncle , he makes me help him clean the healing pods , I really found it boring at first , but now I have fun cleaning it with him since he now puts music . Theres Shiro , hes the man I look up to the most , hes a great leader and I aspire to be like him one day . Also , hunk , my best bud , my man , been knwoing that guy ever since , super humble , hes really smart and handsome . Anyone would be lucky enough to be his girlfriend. Lance glanced over at Shay and Shay looked away with tinted pink cheeks . He couldnt wait for Shay and Hunk to actually be together . They would give Lance cavity . Lance laughed , and continued . Last , but not least , ugh mullet guy . “This guy , him and his stupid mullet . I mean hes not a bad guy , but he ignored me when we went to garrisons together , but then he gets mad over me not remembering our “bonding moment” , and now he became my rival , well , not really anymore I think . Lance puts his spoon down and puts his hand under his chin and raised his eyebrows “ I mean , well . I dont think hes my rival anymore , I guess were friends now ? I mean , Hes a cool guy flying into asteroids and cool junk like that. So ,I dont hate him that much , well I dont hate him , I dont think I ever hated him . I guess I want to he friends with him , but I dont know , I think he hates m- Lance stopped when the room filled with Laughter from both Shay and Rena 

. “I think you like this guy , I think youre mixing your feelings with hate and like and rivalry ” Lance looked at them with an unamused face with a tint of blush on his cheeks . “Who would like him? Anyway , I mean ” Lance remembers their bonding moment , (vividly) , when they held hands , when keith gave him the softest smile when he saved up from a flying sword , Keith smiling fondly at him when he made a joke about being the sharpshooter . Their backs touching one another when they were stuck on the elevator. Lances face was now a full on tomato, he turned to look away from the two of them. This is so embarrassing . “Stupid brain , stop THINKING ABOUT HIM , HIS MULLET , HIS FACE, HIS LIPS , WHY WOULD I LIKE HIM WE ALWAYS BICKER , HE HATES ME , BUT WE PROTECT EACH OTHER FROM HARM , I MEAN THATS WHAT EVERY COUPLE DO RIGHT?!?! WAIT WHY AM I COMPARING US TO A COUPLE? gaah STUPID BRAIN  

"You have an amazing family Lance ” Lance now calm , looked at his plate and back at Rena . “yeah , theyre the best . I miss them ” Lance grabbed a spoonful and continued to eat . “ Why are you trying to leave your family? ”

as he was about to eat his food , he paused midair and slowly put the spoon down . “W-well , its , just that I feel that Im not good enough to be on the voltron team” Rena and Shay concerned about him. “so this is what was bothering the kid?” Rena thought . Both her and Shay got up from their seats and hugged Lance . Rena and Shay ruffled his brown hair . “Lancey , my boy , Sometimes the world feels like its against us , sometimes its not the world , its our ourselves that we are fighting ” Lance listened contently . Shay continue “you know , Lance , when I have a problem , usually I can fix it myself , but if Im not able to . I have my friends and family . If they have a problem , I would also give them a helping hand because thats what friends and family do . You dont have to always shoulder your burdens , you have plenty of shoulders to lean on . If you dont have a shoulder to lean on you can have arms ” Both Rena and Shay wrap their arms around his shoulders . 

 "A strong foundation that can keep you up from falling down” Lance was shocked , he never felt so much love in this while , he starts to grab both of their arms and hug them . Tears streaming down his facewhile continuously saying “thank you guys so much ”. This moment , was a moment Lance , will truly forever cherish . He was so grateful to have met these two . It felt like he had just made another family , He showed them his beautiful and darkside and they embraced it . They embraced him . They accepted him and helped him even when he was just a stranger who just landed on their planet for resources . Their hospitality and love that was graced upon him and honestly he felt like he didnt deserve it ,but accepted it whole heartedly . Rena and Shay felt happy for Lance to be able to pour out his feelings , though they werent sure , if his self doubts would continue , but he would know now himself that people care about him . All three of them crying and hugging each other was interrupted when they heard a loud sound coming from outside . All of them , looked at each other , wipping each others tears and looked outside to see what was all the commotion 

. Lance shocked to see the ship , he also questioned how they were able to track him down , but then he remembered they had Hunk and In the team , so it wasnt that impossible to do so . But He was now feeling guilty and selfish and useless all over again . He now burdened the team more by making them waste their time trying to locate him , when instead should be focusing on locating Lotor and find out about his plans . Everyone gathered to see a small space pod landing . The door opened , Revealing the palladins and the princess . Shay looked over and saw Hunk , she was quite nervous , but happy so see him . Shay started to run towards the crowd and waved at Hunk . They both run towards each other and hug one another . 

  Hunk was now blushing furiously , unable to speak the words he wanted to speak “ H-hey Shay ! Lon-ng time no see ! ” Shay laughed at his stuttering and smiled at him , “ its good to see you again” The palladins caught up to hunk and shay . Shay saw the others coming up behind Hunk . Shay walked up to allura and greeted her . “ Princess Allura and palladins its good to see you guys again , how can he help you?” “Our friend has gone missing and we were wondering if you had seen him? ” Keith nervously looking around and hoping to see Lance , but there was no sign of him at all . Maybe he wasnt in this planet , maybe they were wasting all this time that he was at another planet . Wasting time when they could help him he was out there stranded or wounded “Are you refering to Lance? ” Keiths train of thoughts stopped as he heard  Lances name . He was here? Where is he ? Keith started to look around at the people . 

 Rena and Lance looked at the crowd gathering around the palladins . Lance was super anxious to approach them , he had no way out now . He needed to apologize to them for burdening them . Rena looked up at Lance and placed a hand behind his back. And looked back at the crowd . “you dont have to yet go my son , but I know youre itching to see them again” Rena turned to Lance again finding him in a turmoil . Lance didnt have a choice , they were already here so might as well go with him and explain to them whats happening with him . Talking to Rena and Shay really helped and cleared his mind a bit . Lance hugged Rena “ Granny Rena , thank you for everything” and walked off to see the palladins . He was nervous , what if they kill him?well thats not really possible . But what if they hate him now? What if theyre just here so they could tell him theyre glad to leave him behind ? Either way he/ prepared with anything theyre going to say towards him .

 "Hes here? Allura asked and Shay nodded . Every one was shocked and happy to find out that hes landed here . Hunk sighed in relief and questioned “so where is- “Im here” Lance answered he had his other hand on his neck . Rubbing it back and fourth and the other hand on his pocket trying to look for something to pick at . 

Everyone turned and looked at Lance , they saw that he had red puffy eyes , ragged clothes and looked like he hasnt been eating or sleeping in months . Pidge , Allura , Coran and Hunk start to run towards him and hug him tightly . Lance wasnt expecting that at all . He expected to be reprimanded at . Expected to be hated . His thoughts were stopped when all of them started screaming in unison . 

 “MY BESTFRIEND HOW COULD YOU , WHO WAS I GOING TO NOW WHEN I MAKE EVERYONE FOOD ?!?! ” Hunk sobbed , he was grateful Lance was safe . He wouldnt be able to live if his bestfriend was harmed and or dead . “I HATE YOU - I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE LIKE MATT AGAIN , DONT DO THIS AGAIN OR I WONT LET YOU USE MY HEADPHONES TO LISTEN TO SHAKIRA !! “ Pidge hugged Lances waist tightly . She was glad that Lance was safe , but she now haded to reprimand him later , if he ever decides to leave again , no shakira or laptop for a month . Coran screaming , “MY SONNNNN , MY SONNN YOU ARE SAFE , I FELT LONELY CLEANING THE PODS MYSELf ” Coran clinging on to his feet . Coran has lost many people in his life . Thr first gen Palladins . He didnt want to lose the other . He was glad he was safe . Shiro placed a hand on Lances shoulder and smiled at him “ Im glad youre safe ” . Shiro was reliefed that Lance wasnt captred by the galra . He was in good care and thats all that mattered . Allura hugged lances back “ YOU DARE LEAVE US ,HOW COULD YOU I FELT BETRAYED , I WAS WORRIED WE WOULDNT SEE YOU AGAIN ” Allura cried . She was began to start a new friendship with Lance and for Lance to be gone wouldve left a wound on her .  


Keith was in the back watching the commotion , he sighed contently . He was glad that Lance was okay , but still a bit mad for leaving them . Keith decided to walk up slowly to them . “H-ey , we’re glad to have our sharpshooter back. ” Keith blushed and looked away , he didnt know what say at the time other than that .maybe saying welcome back couldve been better ? .

 Everybody was now looking at Lance and Keith . Keith was embarrased to look back at Lance , but he looked anyway to see Lances reaction . Both starring at one another . Lance looked like a riped tomato . He can barely hold himself to say something . Now everybody was interested to see where this was going . “W-why are you blushing mullet?!?!” “I SHOULD BE ASKING you that , why are you blushing?!!” Keith was now embarrsed . He wished the ground undrr him would open up and swallow him . He decided that he would walk away and walk back small space pod . “Keith wait , I wanted to talk with you and everybody” Keith stopped and looked back at Lance and started walking back towards him . He remembers that he still hasnt told them the reason why he actually really left . He left them hanging , with an excuse at that . Its understandable that youd want to see your family again , but it still didnt add up , knowing Lance , he wasnt a selfish person , not at all . There was much more than "I just want to see my family”

Everybody stopped clinging on to Lance and was now facing him , waiting for an explaination . Lance took a deep breathe and told himself its okay you can do this . You can tell them . Just be yourself and tell them . After all , theyre your family . You 2 new families . The palladins and Shay and Rena.

 “I-im sorry , for being a burden again , I-” Dang it , Lance thought the tears are forming again and he still havent even gotten far into his explaination yet . Everybody looked at Lance , sending worried looks on his way . Shay and Rena walked over to Lance and gave him a patt on the back . He looked at both of them and he nodded . He breathed in and out and continued “I-I left because I thought that ……I was … I-I felt like a burden to the team . A useless weight …….. Allura has the blue lion , S-Shiro was back so he was going to take Black from Keith and Keith would want his Red back , why should I be there ? I dont have a purpose anymore …. I think. I think everybodies inferior to me , Pidge is smart , Hunk is also smart , Shiro is a leader , Allura was powerful , Coran also had knowledge and Keith , Keith I , I also admired you . I- I just I was just I just - I just felt miserable being around with people whos abilities are off the charts , but now thinking about it and thinking about thr times I-I had with the team “ Lance stopped , his breathing patterns were off and the tears in his eyes were getting heavier . "I- I felt more miserable when I left you guys ” Lance cradled himself and crying . Everybody shocked and tears filled their eyes . They went up to Lance and hugged him . “Lance , the lion switch was temporary , dont worry about it . Youre not a burden to the team . Not at all . Youre far from that . We became good friends now , you always have my back , im super thankful for you . ” Allura assured Lance . Hunk pulled lance in a crushing hug and screamed “ Why would you think that? You saved us plenty of times ! Youre my bestfriend , I know we always joke around , but really youre important to us !! I dont like seeing you hurt buudddy ” Hunk safely Landed Lance down And Pidge started hugged Lance again in the waist “ I never thought you were a burden , i think youre a great friend Lance , thank you for being a good substitute brother” Lance cried more loudly , this was it , this was what he needed . Reassurance from the team . Ressurance that he was needed and loved by his teammates or better yet , his family . Lance pulled Hunk , Pidge and Allura in a tight embrace . Shiro walks up and patts him in the head , Lance looks up at Shiro and smiles “we never once thought you were a burden ,not at all . Youre a great sharpshooter Lance . Youre always improving and honestly you improved the most so far . ” Shiro got a bit teary eyed . Lance was like his brother to him , (well maybe brother in law in the future if things work out between him and keith) Coran interjected “ NOOOO MY SON , MY GORGEROUS SON , NEVER THINK NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOUR SELFFFF ” Coran lifted his hand up to Lances hair and ruffled them . "You make all of us proud my son ”

 Keith was watching his teammates sob and cradle Lance . He wouldve been lying if he said he didnt want to , but he wasnt to keen in showing public diplay of affection . He walked up to them slowly . Hunk , Shiro , Pidge , Allura and Coran stop hugging Lance and looked at Keith coming up towards them . They all looked at each other and smiled and walked away from Lance . Lance was now confused , was Keith going to punch him? Yell at him? What what?

Keith walks up to Lance pulls on the hem of his shirt and places his forehead against his. Everybody was shocked by this . Pidge took out her made shift phone and started taking pictures . The picture was quite perfect with greenish lighting , but also sun arraying on them . The other palladins saying sighing contently saying finally . Keith sighed and looked at where he is gripping Lances shirt “I-im not good with words , but next time you have a problem , come to me , dont go far away from me , come and i-ill open my arms wide for you to hug .” Keith looks  up at Lance for an answer and they both felt liked the world stopped when theyre eyes met  . They were inches apart . Inches from closing the gap between them .  

Everybody was starring at them intensely while , Keith and Lance starred at each other for a while blushing madly . Keith was getting embarrassed and weird stares that peope are giving them . Also to his weird little speech towards Lance . Keith lets go of Lances shirt and turns the other way “A-anyway thats all . lets go home” All of sudden , everybody was screaming sounding dissapointed “NO KISSS?!?!” Keith and Lance now frozen in their place . Lance looked like he was about to pass out , while keith looked like he was about to kill everybody . 


 But all in all , Lance is happy , he didnt know they cared about him this much . Or probably they did care about him a lot , but couldnt see through it due to his negative thoughts and fears . Tears streaming down his face again , truly he was fighting himself , not the world . He realized these people actually care about him . He was needed . He was loved .It was him that needed to overcome his insecurity fears and doubts . Although , it wont be easy to overcome , but truly he has wonderful people to help him overcome it . He also made a new family . Reana and Shay , he cant wait to meet up with them And his fanily back at earth after he finishes saving the world . He truly , is blessed and glad he had wonderful people in his life . Rena and Shay opened up his eyes and made him realize that he was worth more than he thought he was . 


 He now can finally , truly and contently say , the palladins , shay and rena and his family back at earth , are his foundation . ❣️ 

 The end 💙❤️

Mental breakdown tag lol

do I use this script or not

also vedj - still going, but will probably miss some days and that’s OKAY
I’m worried for this video, because rather than generalising mental illness as important, and needs to be talked about, I go into detail about the specifics of what I’m feeling. And it’s not pretty. If you can’t relate, and I hope you don’t, I’m going to seem very very strange. But mental illness isn’t simple, it’s not all let’s blow on thumbs together to stop these darn panic attacks, or this cute cartoon girl crying in a corner. It’s so much bigger and uglier and more complex.
I haven’t been making videos because I didn’t know how to when my head has been consumed and overtaken by what I’m about to talk about. But I think I’ve figured it out.
so here’s the thing
you may have seen on twitter
i mentioned that i haven’t really felt like i’m here since i was 17 in a vid recently
and then within the last week that sort of upped as a problem by like, 80%
i went to wales for some shoots, felt crazy the whole weekend, then came back and got very panicky about the fact that I was going mad
I had slept fine, and I kept expecting to wake up better, but I just didn’t
I’ll explain what this all actually is and how it feels in a bit, plz hold
so I got back, and knew that I felt messed up, so tried registering to the doctors
walked there, in my weird dream state, took a proof of address cause I knew I needed that, handed it in, and then they said that I needed proof of address within the last two months
i was teetering on the edge of tears and also feeling really weird so I think they must have thought I was actually insane
I forgot how to say thanks and bye so I think I just left, dunno
walked home, in this strange, bright dream world
tried finding proof of address, forgot how to talk to my housemate, scared she was going to notice that I was drunk, except i wasn’t drunk
and then my mum called and said dodie
are you okay
and I just sort of
broke
i was sobbing, rummaging through bin bags to try to find some sort of proof of address, on the phone to mum, and I decided to visit home home for some sort of familiarity, cause I used to feel so normal and alive in that house, when I was younger
so I went home home, crying on the train, panicking about the fact that I was going mad and all my friends were like dodie wtf
that was when I tweeted saying I needed a break
then I saw mum and started crying about the fact that I left my old bedroom bed in dovan flat, cause I just wanted my normal bed in my normal room so I could feel normal
and I came home but of course I wasn’t magically cured because going to that house is not the same as time travel
i’m not taking a trip to 2012 when I go home, as much as I want to, i’m a broken dodie visiting a broken house and a broken ish family
I even visited my old primary school which shut down, like, years ago, and I wandered around with hedy
I don’t think that helped, cause it felt like it had just, grown leaves and aged in like 20 seconds
it just made me feel even weirder
so what am I feeling? Okay. let me explain. Or try to.
here are a bunch of messages I have sent to friends of mine, to try and explain wtf this is
“i’m so tired
I’m just so tired I feel like I’ve been awake for 4 days And I don’t feel like I’m here I feel like I’m drunk Like I’ve had three wines and shots and beer and I’m tired and ready to go home and I can’t talk to anyone because I’ve forgotten how I usually talk
I don’t even look like me
Everything is so wrong and weird and scary
I honestly think I’m going mad
I can’t stop crying
I’ve got such a bad headache” to lucy
And I’ve just constantly felt like Drunk and blind You know when you’re hammered
And everything’s really bright and you can’t remember how to talk properly and you’re not really taking anything in cause you feel really weird and you can touch things and see things and talk to people but you’re not really There
I genuinely genuinely think I’ve gone mad
And I don’t know if I’m ever going to see things like normal again” to sammy
“Here’s the thing
I’m alive
I can breathe
I can eat and talk and sleep and see and feel
So I should be okay
And objectively, I am fine
So why am I not
It’s one of those things that I keep thinking about over and over to the point where my head is like is this really happening and then I’m like is WHAT really happening
I used to not understand mental illnesses at all
I was like
Just think of cats and rainbows
But now I get it
It’s so much deeper in your brain than cats and rainbows
I used to say if I ever got dementia or something id fight it
But how can you fight it when the it is the thing you’re using to fight with
Dodie has gone full blown mad” to jon
now, thanks to the last vid, and to google, I’ve found out what this probably is
and I’m trying my best to register and see a doctor and get therapy and sort this out and also
I know what you’re thinking
if you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you’ve never had anything even close to this, if you are mentally dandy
you’re thinking dodie
you sound mental
just shut up,
turn it off
you’re fine
you’re obsessing over nothing, you’re attention seeking, just stop thinking about it
firstly, I am so happy and thankful that you feel normal and happy and go and enjoy your life because you can
and secondly, I would do anything to turn this off and feel normal again, literally anything. But I can’t. not right now. I don’t know how.
so. here’s my plan.
I’m going to act fucking normal.
I can still sing. I am still alive, on this planet, even though I don’t feel like it. I still find things funny, I still can taste food, I can make jokes, and write songs and hang out with friends, even though I literally feel like I’m hiding something from everyone and I keep looking at everyone as if I’m a robot.
but I’m going to sort this out, somehow. I’m going to sleep before midnight and wake up before 9, I’m going to give myself weekends, I’m going to do mindfullness meditation at 11am, and Im going to go running at least twice a week and eat healthy and drink water and not drink too much alcohol and treat myself when I’ve done well and not overwhelm myself. And I’m going to go to a doctor, and then therapy, and deal with this. But this will not consume me.
Yeah I feel fucking weird. Bring it. I’m so done with the constant buzz in my head - why do I feel like this why do i feel like this why do i feel like this
I just do. And I can’t change it right now. It’s not going to turn off. and I can’t just stop the world until I feel normal again, because I’ll get to my 70s and be like well shit, I missed it all.
So I’m going to do the best I can. I’m going to make the videos that make me happy. And I’m going to laugh about the fact that I’m a bit mental. Cause what else can you do.

Whilst I type this I’m on the phone to my bank to get a statement sent to prove my address to go BACK to the doctors to prove I live here then get an appointment to get referred to therapists. The NHS may be free but it’s not bloomin easy lol.

gotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.

❉ = fluff / ✥ = angst / ✱ = comedy / ✺ = 😏

admins favorites = 🍑 / 🥝


JIN

YOUR WORSE THEN NAMJOON

i don’t mind people finding out

pancakes

you ruined my pickup line

unrelated topic, did you like what you saw ?

okay, i give you permission to kill him, but please wait until Thursday 🥝

guess who loves you

DO YOU NOT WANT ICE CREAM ???


i take you out one time and suddenly i’m the local delivery guy ?? ❉ & ✱

i like you too, like a little… little lot. ✱ & ❉

👉🏼👌🏼 ?

i’m not kidding tho where does he live i’m already in the car angry and ready to go

if i have to listen to management nag about weight one more time i’m marching straight out of this building

YOONGS

i am not cute

i don’t want to talk to you anymore

come help me out here ?

if it makes you feel any better ur a great chair

roasting you is like the best part of my day

i need lady stuff

what happend to the yoongi who doesn’t take shit from anyone ? ❉ & ✥

are you texting me song lyrics ?

come to the studio and sit on my lap ✺ & ✱

text me, call me, email me, send a letter; for all i care it could be by pigeon

i promise i only type like this when i like the person i text

completely giving up, starring me.

he’s just not hitting anything other then my knees

i was thinking about making out with you all day

not the pillow part you one celled creetin

lets get another doggo

thank god, i’d thought you’d never leave me alone

yeah being as short and mean as you is a real gift.

soft min family™️

HOBI

fuck the fuck off

can i have like five of you ?

ur so pretty

have fun with math

but hobi wants some love ❉ & ✱

that’s cuz im trying to communicate with u

jung hoseok you’ll be the death of me

i wanna kiss your face every time i see you too

you know i support everything you do right ?

where did all that wisdom come from ?

stop talking to the small man

series : big bro hobi

i’m disowning you.

BOYS WILL EAT YOU ALIVE

JOON

you still up ?

yeah i can rap like the entire thing

right, and what does your mom call you ?

sure, have fun with my bras

that’s because you don’t speak Korean

i see you’ve had a few drinks ❉ & ✱

i miss your face

I’m not wearing any fucking underwear, because you never put the fucking laundry in the fucking dryer like I asked you to 100 times ✱ 

i better be ✥ & ✱ 

the company told me not to go but i couldn’t disappoint you like that

i have to go look for a new job

CHIM

ur such a loser

but you dont like shopping

the disrespect in this one is strong

it was supposed to be a surprise

you mean my singing ? ✱ & ❉ 

he’s just jaelous his dongsae had a child before him

very funny babygirl ✱ & ✺

we’ll go wherever you want

yoonmin : you’re like a candy bar jimin, half sweet half nuts.

you want me to come over ? we can cuddle

i cant sleep, are you up ?

is little jimin mad ? or should i say regular jimin ? ❉ & ✱

TAE

Hey ! i bought you ice-cream

the inventor of snapback look™

tae don’t you think the pillow wall is a bit of an overkill ?

thank god at least one of you know how to make a move

you’re not disappointing anyone by eating breakfast and lunch ❉ & ✥

did you do the english assignment ?

it’s just like 99.999% your fault

vkook : THIS IS A SHARED DORM

you’ll send me letters everyday right ?

are you telling me you’ve been smart this whole time ?

it’s in my job description

JK

wassup dudette

ayo ladies and gentleman

send nudes

what are you doing right now ?

look how cute we are

i just have a strong disliking to your personality

i like our bickering

babe i need your opinion ✱ & ✺

i’ll buy you food for a week if you tell me i’m your favorite

you could pay me a million and i still wouldn’t consider it

i didn’t want to leave your side that night because i wanted you to feel safe

stop kicking my chair

what does oppa mean ?

i miss every little thing you do

i’ll give you three breadsticks and a goat if you give me jimin

in your dreams

jk he’s not lord voldemort

i didn’t think this one through

good job, guk 

i’ll always be your kookie

some of us actually need school jk

the village called. they want their idiot back, you better get going.

happy removal day

2 OR MORE

yeah and i’m just implying that i want to take you out on a date

what are you an owl ?

jin just made the worse recipe ever and i doubt he put ANY effort into it

i don’t like going outside

absolute soul mate has 16 letters and so does fuck jungkook asap

you’ve both got the same mental age

you are pure evil

i’m so whipped, this is incredible

for now i’ll have your lovely messages to look forward to ❉ & ✥

dont mess with me park ✱ & ❉

i like to send nudes ok ? if that’s my biggest flaw i think i’m ok.

if you were any thicker you’d look at the weather app outside

don’t start with me pindick

i’m not related to you anymore

we don’t want him

he really wanted to be in the picture

softie.

i can’t believe you saw mini nochu

i gain 3k for every shirtless picture

the power of jjang jjang man

next time you plan on rapping verse1 invite me

i’ll tell them to stop bothering you

okay, but if it attacks my dog i’m giving it to jimin ✱ & ❉

CRUSH CANCELLED ✱ & ❉

way to ruin the mood loser ✱ & ✺

dont act so smug you little shit

tell him to drop dead, with my compliments

you use that meme when you get nervous ✱ & ❉

was i your second choice ? ✱ & ❉

he’s a little small, but he’ll do ✱ & ✺

bring me some vodka and condoms ✱ & ✺

your butt rights have been invoked

one can never know too many counting systems ✱ & ❉

all he’s done to me with his 10/12 looks

i’ll take you out on a real date when ur older

i dont know what your problem is, but i’m guessing its hard to pronouce

that was my… goldfish.

you did not just call me your dog

STOP ASKING THINGS I WANT TO HEAR

i’ve been staring at the wall for the past hour

HORSES DONT EAT PEOPLE

cheating series :

hold on imma go beat his ass

i told him the only thing smaller then him is his dick

this bitch gonna die tonight

i’m going to jail when i see his ass

when u gotta kill your hyung

dumped him so hard he probably got whiplash

losing a member series : 

we bangtan 6 now 🍑

how is it you’re the smartest and dumbest person i’ve ever met

YOU LOST HIM DIDN’T YOU

how do you manage to lose a human being ??

gang au series :

you act like you’ve never been shot before !

but did you die ?

is everyone alive and not in jail ?

mafia gangs dont have facebook pages.

one little girl thought it was cool i was covered in blood

teasing members series :

confess or i’ll set your mattress on fire

namjoon i will call your mother

so when are y'all getting kids

i will literally launch you into the sun

VIDEOS

footage of me at the club

footage of me at a house party

footage of me in the kitchen

footage of me with friends

why i shouldn’t be allowed to edit part 1

why i shouldn’t be allowed to edit part 2

⇁ paper doll | 02

Originally posted by jengkook

pairing ⇀ Jungkook x Reader

genre drama, slight angst, smut ||  idol+singer-songwriter!au

warnings ⇀ sex, language

word count 4.7k

When the nation’s little sister, IU, gets into a huge scandal, your agency seizes the opportunity to thrust you into that now vacant spotlight. Your self-composed song Paper Doll becomes an overnight sensation, and soon people are itching to find out who was the one who broke your heart. All hell breaks loose once netizens discover that you used to date popular idol, Jeon Jungkook. Little do they know that it wasn’t him who left the relationship unscathed — it was you.

↳ alternatively: a story on the consequences of a hit break-up song

⇁  01 | 02

Keep reading

andreil: baltimore

happy baltimore day! here’s my contribution to fandom on this beautiful day, the day neil josten is finally in the system to become a real person

“Thank you. You were amazing.”

The words echo in Andrew’s head as soon as they leave Neil’s mouth. He doesn’t say anything else, but Andrew can tell there’s something more he’s itching to get out. There’s something in his eyes, something in the way they flicker from the rest of the foxes to Andrew, that stops Andrew from pressing for more. This isn’t the place, not right now. Maybe on the bus. They have all the time in the world for answers. And Neil promised Andrew anything for shutting down the goal.

As they’re shepherded out and towards the bus, the chaos that surrounds the team jostles Andrew and he blindly follows the orange uniforms. He can’t look out for the others, for Neil, and he spares a moment to hope that they’re capable enough to survive one rowdy crowd. As long as Kevin makes it to the bus, it’ll be okay. Andrew isn’t responsible for anyone else’s safety. Neil isn’t under his protection anymore.  

Keep reading

Beetlejuice (Connor Murphy x reader fic part 1 of 2)

THIS IS A GHOST AU. LIKE CONNOR IS DEAD BUT YOU MEET HIM IN HIS LIL GHOST FORM. IT’S NOT AS LAME AS IT SOUNDS. OR MAYBE IT’S EXACTLY AS LAME AS IT SOUNDS.

Guys. It is like crazy long. And only part one. I’m going to post part two in a few days but I split them up because i’m still working on an ending. I honestly have no clue if anyone will wanna read this because it’s so fucking long. But this is like a Connor Ghost fic where you move into his house after his family moves out to get over Connor’s death and he haunts you but you guys become friends and idk this idea was so good in my head idk it I did it justice but maybe someone will enjoy. Part two will not be long because 1.) lack of motivation 2.) lack of ideas 3.) I’m making you guys read all this I won’t continue to waste more of your time. also this was so hard to edit so i’m sure there are one thousand mistakes im sosososos sorry.

TW: suicide, self harm, bullying, anxiety, depression, swearing, angst, fuck it’s sort of sad idk i feel for ghost connor

12,085 words yikes

You jolted up, your sleep disturbed by loud (and quite rude) banging at your bedroom door. You shot up quickly, trying to figure out what the hell was happening at…

You checked your phone which was shoved under your pillow, the illumination making you flinch from your unadjusted eyes.

It was 12:00.

The knocking ceased momentarily, which made you think you were hearing things due to exhaustion. Plus, there was no way it was your parents, seeing as they were the oldest middle aged people you knew, hitting the pillow before 9:30. You relaxed, regretting it seconds later when the knocking came back.

You brought your legs close to your chest, covering your mouth so whoever was there couldn’t hear your breathing. You decided to quickly get up, drawing the cover off your bare legs and moving nimbly to your empty closet, trying to avoid the maze of boxes that crowded your room. You’d just moved in, it was literally your first night at the house and probably the last day of existence. You thought this was a good neighborhood, and your parents had an alarm system. Surely your dad would come running to save you or maybe they’re calling the people. Or maybe the imagined murderer already killed them, coming for you to finish the job. You could feel the tears well up in your eyes as you closed the walk in closet door as quickly as you could. Fuck. Is this the part you were supposed to pray for forgiveness? Fuck. You had leftovers in the fridge from tonight that you were really looking forward to eat for lunch tomorrow. Then you thought how pathetic that was, having that be your last breathing thought of your fleeting life. Your door swung open, not hearing any footsteps but a sudden pounding on your closet door. You were shaking, hands covering your mouth, resulting in tears to flow.

“Zoe! I know you were in my room. I can’t get in. You fucking locked it you bitch. I’m going to fucking kill you with the key when I find it. Stop messing with my head, I don’t understand why you’re doing this to me.” The voice screamed out desperately, followed by angry sobs. Your tears ceased however. Zoe? What the hell? What’s happening? The closet door swung open, but no one was even there. All was quiet, you were so shaken up you couldn’t move for five whole minutes. It was like you were frozen. You were tired. Maybe, that was some sort of nightmare of sleep paralysis. Because where the hell did the voice come from. How the hell did your door fly all the way open without a single person in sight. You were hallucinating. That had to be it. From lack of sleep or from that weird black mold that grows in the walls you heard about in that short weird documentary on YouTube. That’s the only plausible thing. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to blink away to exhaustion. You finally exited out of the tiny space, going to reach for the closet door knob to cease it shut. Before your hand even got near it, it slammed closed, causing you to open your eyes swiftly.

“What the hell is your problem, Zo-” A boy stood before you, looking half dead. Not even half, but fully dead. His eyes were bloodshot, he looked like he had bags under his eyes, and even in the dark, you could see a large circular purple mark all the way around his neck.

You fucking started screaming.

“Shit!” he cupped his hands over your mouth, the temperature of Antarctica hovering over your lips. “I didn’t realize Zoe had friends over. Shut up you’re going to wake up my parents.” This is when you started crying. Not only did he murderer sneak into your home, he was a complete lunatic. His parents? Zoe? He was fucking nuts and he was definitely going to kill you. You went to shove him away, but your hands went through, like he was mist. Now, you started to ball. You were the crazy one. You convinced yourself you developed schizophrenia overnight and were losing it, or it was definitely the black mold. He looked as scared as you did, backing away. He touched his stomach, which his hands didn’t go through at all. His face was unreadable, then he was unreadable, vanishing into thin air.

You didn’t sleep the rest of the night.

The next day you walked around void, scared to go even take a nap. You convinced yourself it was just a nightmare. A nightmare you don’t remember falling asleep to or waking up from but that’s what you decided. You needed to tell yourself it was fine. You also googled that hallucinating black mold, and that really only grows in really old houses, so you eliminated that. It was fine. Everything was fine. Your parents commented on how tired you looked. Brushing it off, you just told them how excited you were about the new house, and you couldn’t sleep. A lie, but since you were lying to yourself why not make some more up. Night quickly approached as you tried to fix up your room, figuring where your desk and bookshelves should go. Plus, nothing else really weird happened. You stayed up, busying yourself by decorating. When the banging started again. It was midnight

“Zoe!”

Fuck.

So, reality was hitting you. Were you crazy? Was this house fucking haunted. You never really believed in ghosts, but that wasn’t to say it didn’t scare the crap out of you. The door slammed open about, without a person there. You froze in place again, waiting for it to just appear again. It went straight to the closet again, banging loudly.

“Why are you doing this?” Similar words whimpering out of his mouth. You think about running into your parent’s room, like how you did when you were 5. But you were just stuck. The hallucination, or ghost, or whatever, had their back toward you. It was definitely a guy, his voice low and sort of nasally. He had shoulder length hair, you couldn’t tell if it was black or brown, and he was wearing a hoodie and jeans. He disappeared and the closet door slammed open, as it did the other night. Connor reappeared right in front of you, your eyes wide and just in utter shock.

He hissed: “Who the hell are you?” His eyes were a very dull blue with what seemed to be brown spot that now seemed more gray than anything. They were lifeless. Below was a nose that had a few bumps down the slope, and a wide mouth with a soft, but prominent cupid’s bow. His neck was even more visible than the night before, making your skin crawl as you peered at the purple mark that was the entire circumference of his neck. You subconsciously dug your nails into your palms, feeling pain within seconds. So you were definitely awake. Next was to test if this was a hallucination from sleep deprivation. You squeeze your eyes shut, as hard as you can you think your face might melt, scared to open them back up. He was still there, with a face of confusion mixing with anger. Okay, now it was ghost checking time. You gently went to put your arm through him, ghosts are just apparitions right? Your whole hand went through his body.

“W-what..?” he stuttered out, almost like a croak.

You pondered, how could he touch you but you couldn’t touch him. A realization came to you, causing you to jerk your hand back. He could hurt you but you can’t even defend yourself against him. Tears started to spill again.

“Please don’t hurt me.” you whimpered softly, completely submissive.

His eyes widen, freaked out that you thought he was trying to hurt you. “I’m not… I wouldn't…. how… what…” he was totally as confused as you were. Probably more scared than you, if that was even possible. This boy is dead and he doesn’t even know. The sound of footsteps approach your door, and the ghost was gone.

“Why is your light still on, sweetie?” your mother comes in, wincing from the brightness.

“Sorry, I’ll wrap it up soon.” you told her, again, like nothing was wrong. You quickly turned away, shielding your tears from her. She was oblivious and didn’t even notice. Your mom walks into your room, admiring your wall of old pictures of your friends.

“This is nice…” she says, trailing off knowing you weren’t happy with the move becasue you were an hour away from all your friends now. You hum meekly, not able to say a word about the topic. “I’m really sorry honey. It was just… You know your dad got this new job. And neither of us wanted to move your senior year but… We didn’t have a choice. You know that.”

“It’s fine, mom. I’ll meet new friends! And I’ll still have them! So I’ll have twice the amount of friends now.” you struggled to fake enthusiasm, but your mother’s density seemed to buy it

“Well. You gotta go to the new school tomorrow. It’s Monday now, so you gotta get up early. You can even take my car. Maybe I’ll ask your dad if he’d be willing to buy you your own! Uh? How about that.”

“Sounds great. That’d be really cool…” you tried to say with fervor, but it came off more sarcastic.

Your mom came over to you and planted a kiss on your forehead. “You know I love you, sweetie.” you nod in response as she turns to leave, turning the light out on the way out.

The boy didn’t come back again that night

—.

School sucked. You didn’t meet any new friends. Kids looked at you weird. The school was a lot bigger than your last one. You were late to one of your classes. And the walls were bare, with the exception of some random suicide prevention posters up. They gave you a sour taste in your stomach. The words “The Connor Project” almost screaming out to you as you passed them at the end of each hallway. Was Connor a kid at your school? Is? Was? That was even more disturbing to think about, there was a dead kid at your new school that everyone is probably mourning and you have no clue who this kid even was.

Unless.

No. No! That was completely ridiculous. Absolutely not.

Once you got home, you found yourself opening your laptop typing the name of the school and the name on the posters.

Connor Murphy -  Obituaries

You clicked the link, leading you to an obit from almost a year ago that contained a school picture.

Fuck.

The colored picture was a kid looking straight into the camera. A kid that had sad heterochromic eyes. A kid with a bumpy nose. A kid with a wide mouth with a define cupid’s bow. A kid was long brown shoulder length hair.

A kid that looked eerily similar to whatever you saw last night.

You ran downstairs. Your mom making god-knows-what in the kitchen with your dad.

“Did a kid kill himself in this house.” you blurted out. You didn’t want to put it that way. That sounded insensitive. But the words were already out there. You mom was shocked, eyes wide and she brought her lips in, as if she was sealing them. You’re dad pushed up his sleeves and tilted his head to the right, squeezing his eyes closed as if he was trying to read the lines he was about to tell you, like they were tiny little cue cards in his head.

“We should all sit down.” he calmly said. Good one, father. Rehearsed that perfectly. The three of you head over to the couch, you sitting on the chair opposite, like they were having an intervention for you that you started.

Your father started. “There was a family who lived here. The Murphy’s.” Christ. It’s been confirmed.

“They had two children. Zoe… and er…” your mom took control of the conversation but paused before saying his name. “and Connor.”

“Last year… Around this time. Connor…” Your mother covered her mouth, like she was going to start to cry. You wanted to roll your eyes at her fake sympathy. Your father took her hand.

“He hung himself, (y/n)”

Your mother chimes in, “(y/fathers/n)! You don’t have to be so brash. God! Sweetie, the young man, the Murphy’s son, committed suicide. He was very unhappy, sweetie. And if you’re ever going through anything-”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll talk to you guys about anything I’m going through or whatever.” You lied. Not necessarily about the depression bit, but more over on the side of telling them things. No way in hell were you going to tell them you thought the house was haunted. They’d think you were just paranoid. “Um… where did it happen?” They knew what you meant by it.

In his bedroom. Which, is my office now. That’s why we had you take the girls room. Just because you were destined to find out. And I know that wouldn’t sit right with you” Your dad said. You sighed, sinking back in your chair. After letting all the information set in, you went slowly back up to your room, pulling out your phone.

You googled: exorcists in my area.

Bad news was that this new town didn’t seem to have any exorcists nearby, and the closest one was about 3 hours away and charged a hell of a lot. Money you didn’t have. Money you couldn’t even ask your parents for because imagining what that conversation would be like was one that wouldn’t go. Not even well, just wouldn’t go. So you decided if you’re going to be living here for the next year before going off to college. It was ghost befriending time. You felt a little stupid typing into the search bar “how to befriend a ghost that doesn’t know he’s a ghost living in your house .” Nothing. You went for something more broad. “Befriending ghosts”. More, not many, results showed up, causing you to scan through them. You read almost every article on the first two pages. Even watched some videos (with headphones in case the parents would hear). Also, you may or may not have taken notes. It was getting late, and you heard your parents go to bed. Connor was going to knock any minute, your phone was at 11:59. You walked up to your door. And as soon as a knock happened, you swung it open. Connor angrily standing there, bewildered now.

“Shit.” he said under his breath. You signaled for him to come in. “I,” he paused. “What happened to Zoe? What happened to my parents? Where are they.” he was started to catch on, realizing  something was up.

Even though you were scared, you also felt like you owed him something. You weren’t sure why, but he needed to know. At least a little.

“They don’t live here anymore, Connor.”

“What… What are you saying. Where the hell are they? And… H-how do you even know my name?” he stammered over his words, not looking at me. I tried to avoid his neck.

“Connor… do you know what you are.”

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“Do you know what I’m talking about?” He ignores you. Instead, he’s focused on the mirror hung up on the wall. Shit, he can’t look at himself like that. He will freak. You follow his line of sight, seeing you. Just you. Of course, he wouldn’t be there. He’s not living.

“Oh my god…” he started to breath heavier and heavier, until tear start falling.

“I’m so-”

“Stop! This is some weird nightmare. Some weird long nightmare… That I’m only remembering bits and pieces of as I go more and more into my sleep. I’m going to wake up. I’m going to go to school. I’m going to live a miserable life and make everyone else miserable. I’m-” He’s basically wheezing for air. He fell to the ground, you going by his side, going to try to embrace him until he disappeared.

Well. That went superb.

It had been a couple of days, and you saw no sign of Connor. But you could still sense him lingering, the air always seeming colder when he was around. You’d call out his name. And… Nothing. It was like he was hiding.

Anyway, school was the same. But today was particularly bad, it was worse by one thousand percent than all the other days combined.

You overheard some kids talking in English. “It’s the anniversary.” one said, almost as if he was amused.

“Shut up. I don’t know why you think it’s so funny. You’re messed up.” a girl hissed at him.

“I’m just happy, that’s all.”

“Happy?” she was repulsed.

“Well, if you think about it. It was either us or him.” It clicked in you. They were talking about Connor.

“What the hell do you mean by that.” she asked. You asked the same question in your head. You pretended to look for a pencil inside your bag, turning your body 90 degrees so you could actually hear better as you rummaged through your bag.

The boy with glasses breathed out, “I mean that he would’ve shot up the school if he didn’t snap his neck. That’s what I mean.” the girl looked at him with utter disgust. “You act like that’s far-fetched.”

“Connor wasn’t like that. You didn’t know him.”

“Yeah, and you didn’t either.” they paused. You glanced back, trying to figure out why they stopped. They both peered over at you.

“Could you give us some damn privacy.” the boy growled. You quickly turned back, facing the front of the room, heart beating out of your chest. Shit. Shit. Shit. You already made an enemy, and you didn’t have any friends yet to comfort you. You held your breath for what seemed like the rest of class, zoning out of their conversation, the lecture, everything. The bell snapped you out of it. You tried to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“Hey.” a feminine voice called out. You turn around. It was the girl. “I’m really sorry about Jared. He’s a real jerk. I’m Alana.” She stuck out her hand, but you didn’t shake it. You couldn’t. Hand sweat levels were off the radar.

“I’m really sorry for eavesdropping. That was so not cool.” you blurted out.

“No! No, it’s fine, really.” she reassured you, making you comfortable enough to make eye contact. “I, uh, I know you’re new here. You’re (Y/N) (Y/L/N)! I’m not a stalker or anything i just have to know everyone’s name. I’m running for senior president!” she told you, getting off topic. Shaking her head, “Anyway, enough of the self-promo. Um, what lunch period do you have?

“3rd…” you told her.

“Oh me too! If you want, you can come sit with me.” you weren’t sure if she was being nice, piteous, or deceptive. But you accepted, you didn’t want to eat in the library for the following week, pretending to catch up on your new classes.

Lunch came around and you looked all over for Alana. She spotted you before you spotted her.

“(Y/N)!” she called out much louder than needed to, and everyone looked. Your day was just filled with embarrassment. You walk over, with your head down and sit across from Alana. The boy, Jared was there along with another boy who looked severely uncomfortable as well. You made a mental note, knowing that feeling all to well.

“Hey, Alana.” you decided against a verbal hello to the boys. So you just gave them a nod. Jared just kind of stared at you while the other kid smiled awkwardly back. This was weird. Alana was weird. Jared was weird. That kid was weird. And you were weird. All weird in different ways, so it made it even weirder. You all weren’t even on the same ‘weird’ page.

“So, (Y/N). Sorry about the whole ordeal I made in English.” Jared, the boy with glasses who yelled at you, said. It wasn’t a genuine apology. Alana gritted her teeth at him. “Since you’re new to this school, I’ll tell you a little of its history.” He said, almost demented. It reminded you of something the joker would say (Heath Ledger’s joker, may Heath Ledger rest in peace). “You see, today an important day. It’s the day we lost a fellow student. The anniversary of Connor Murphy’s death.” you gulped down. This was all way too much for you. “Great guy. Really added to the atmosphere here. You see all these kids mourning?”

No one seem to be upset. Oh… you got it. He was being sarcastic.

The awkward kid cut him off, “That’s enough.” he yelled, banging his hand on the table.

“Oh, Evan. I know you must be grieving greatly. You were his best friend after all.” Evan glared at Jared. So that’s his name. Everyone was dead silent. Like, the whole cafeteria. A girl got up and ran out. You swear to god, you recognized her. “Oh, look. Your girlfriend, Zoe. Aren’t you going to go get her?” Zoe? Fuck. Zoe was the sister. Evan followed her out, chasing behind.

“She still goes here.” you accidentally asked with concern aloud. Jared looked at you scarily, almost wanting to smirk. This conversation going exactly as he wanted.

“Oh! So you know about the Murphys? How’s that?”

“Jared, stop it.” Alana told him

“No!” he said, “How do you know about them?”

You couldn’t tell them. You weren’t about to let them know you live in that house. Jared would probably harass you some more.

“I- I don’t. I don’t know anything. I’m just gonna go-” you start to get up.

“No! You can’t go!” he announced. Alana pinched the bridge of her nose. “Tell us about it?”

“About what?” you asked back.

“Are you an idiot or something? The house. Alana told us you live in the house. Come on! Is it haunted? I feel like Connor was a troubled soul. Did you exorcise it? You really should look into that!” Your eyes darted over to Alana. She didn’t look at you. Is this why she wanted you to sit there. You jolted up, walking rapidly out of the cafeteria. You went to walk down one hallway but you saw Evan trying to comfort zone, which she seemed more tense and remote in his present. You could tell it would be better for Evan to just leave her alone, but you decided against interfering. You barely knew what the hell happened other than the death of this kid Connor.

School really sucked.

Hours past. It was about midnight and you couldn’t stop thinking about it. Really, you couldn’t stop crying. You started crying because of how no one seemed to be nice at this school, then you started bawling about how your old school was fine and how you missed all your friends and the familiarity and everything that this new place isn’t.

“Why are you crying.”

Your head shut up. Connor was at the end of your bed. He stared into the mirror. At nothing.

“You didn’t knock?” trying to make a joke but you accidentally let your voice crack.

The corners of his mouth pulled up, but quickly fell. He got straight to the point, “I’m dead, aren’t I?” he asked. All you had to do was look at him, and he got the answer from your eyes. He shut his eyes.

You wanted to get his mind off the matter. “School sucks. That’s why I’m crying, if you’re still curious.”

“If you go to the one I go to, you got that fucking right.” neither one of you corrected his wording of the present tense of “to go”. But you both knew.

“People are mean.” you murmured out.

“Yeah… I know.” he clenched his jaw. Shit. You guessed that school was a factor why he did… it. “Who was mean to you?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Then what do you wanna talk about because you don’t wanna talk about the fact I offed myself, so I’m kind of running out of conversation topics here.” You didn’t say anything. He squeezed his knuckles, digging his nails into his palms like you do sometimes. You didn’t know what to say, he kept going anyway. “It wasn’t Jared Kleinman, was it?” he asked bluntly. So that was his last name. “Fucking Christ, he’s such a dick.” his voice gets a little louder. Your face must of given it away. You made another mental note to show letting your thoughts show to easily. “Avoid him. Just ignore everything he says or does. You have to numb yourself at this school, okay.”

Your ghost was giving you survival tips on how to make it through senior year. It’s ironic, because, he didn’t exactly survive it himself. But this irony was not of the humorous sort. You felt sick.

“Hey, you alright?” He asked.

“Yes, I just feel dizzy.” the room really started to spin. It’s like you momentarily forgotten you were talking to a literal dead person and when you remember, you reacted the way any normal person would. You passed out.

“Hey, um, girl.” Connor never learned your name. “Hey, um. You aren’t dead too? Right.” Connor almost started to dryly smile to himself. “Because I’m the one who gets to haunt this house, not you.” He checked your pulse. It was strange. He seemed to be able to touch you, but you couldn’t touch him. He was having the same realization as you. He got up. Looking around your room for anything he could find more about you on. He looked along your walls, looking at pictures of you and your friends. There was one of you kisses some guys cheek. Connor got annoyed by it. Why did everyone have someone but him. He looked back at you, the unknown girl to him, and bought a cover up your body. Then disappearing

The following day of school, you guessed it, sucked. You’re starting to see a pattern here.

Alana tried talking to you again. You didn’t want to talk with her though, you didn’t even want to look at her. Jared just kind of would glance at you and quickly look away, guilt lingering in his stares. Then, Evan just kept his head down. Not that you were mad at him or anything. He didn’t do anything. Well, not to you. It seemed something was up with that awkward kid. Like, did he mess around with Zoe or was he a dick to Connor? He didn’t seem like either type, so you let it go.

Jared did approach you after school in the parking lot.

“(Y/N)!” he called out nervously. You kept walking, putting in your earphones to drown him out; drown everything out. You could tell he was still calling stuff out, but you couldn’t hear it over the lyrics of Karma Police. You felt a hand grasp your shoulder, turning you around roughly. Was this kid trying to fight you? He paused your music from your headphones. “Hey.” he said shyly.

“Please, just leave me alone.” You unpaused your music and started toward your car again. This time he ran in front of you, taking out your earphones.

“I’m sorry, (y/n). I don’t know why I was like that yesterday. Just, the whole Connor thing kind of tips me off.”

You cut him off not really caring to hear more, “It’s whatever. If you really wanna apologize, just leave me alone and that’d be more than enough.”

“Please, just wait. I don’t want you to think I’m this massive asshole. I mean, I am an asshole. But I was just vindictive yesterday. Something happened after Connor’s death. Something messed up that some kid did and, I uh, I helped him with it. And I still feel guilty. It was fucked up, and I’m still angry about it. So I took it out in you, god knows why.” His voice started to tremble. You started feeling bad, now.

“Jared, it’s fine.”

“It isn’t fine. None of it was fine. Evan got out of hand, and I was just as bad.”

Confused, you stated: “Evan didn’t really do anything.”

“Not yesterday. Before… The Connor Project. Fuck. Never mind, I’ll just see you tomorrow.” Jared quickly b-lined for his car. You stood there, not understanding one bit.

Maybe Connor will have some answers.

You took a nap when you got home. You haven’t been getting much sleep, and you knew you’d have to wake up at midnight to talk to Connor. Your life was getting weird.

You woke up to a weight at the edge of your bed. Your eyes fluttered open, Connor sitting before you. His hair in front of his face looking at one of your old yearbook. The one from 9th grade.

“You look really different now.” he simpered. Everyone’s 9th grade picture was cringy. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Drawing out each name.

You tore it out of his hands. “So is this how you haunt people? Humiliation? Because the average ghost would flicker the lights on and off, or throw my valuables at me, or write murderous things in my wall with my cat’s blood.”

“You have a cat?”

“You missed the point.”

“Are you really trying to tell me how to be a proper ghost? Because I don’t believe you have that sort of experience under your belt.” he slyly stated.

Without even thinking (which you really should have fucking done), you remarked back, “says the one trying to tell me how to survive high school.” your eyes widen. Did you really just fucking say that. His jaw clenched, digging his nails into his palms, knowing he wouldn’t feel a thing. “Shit. that was supposed to be a joke. But I suppose jokes are funny, and that was just-”

He cut you off, “This sucks. This still sucks so much and I’m still in so much pain. But I can’t even hurt myself. I’m just stuck. Afterlife fucking suck. But high school was so bad, my family was so unbearable, I was so insufferable. Everything was starting to feel not real, I was numbing myself. No one was there for me. No one gave two shits about the freak. No one ever reached out. I had no one. No one to talk to. No one to vent to. No one.”

Your heart started hurting.  An “I’m sorry.” was all you could muster out.

“It’s too late.”

“I know….” you paused. You understood how he felt. Being alone. Being with people didn’t even stop that feeling. But you weren’t about to tell him that. “Do you know an Evan Hansen.” There you went with the present tense again.

The lights started to flicker, you would’ve made a joke if you both weren’t having a serious conversation about it. “Yeah.” he said simply, trying to not get angry. There was pause between the both of you before he continued. “I thought he might’ve been a nice kid. He wasn’t. He made fun of me just like everyone else… With this note. God, that stupid fucking note.”

“What did the note say.”

“Doesn’t matter. It was some prank. Jared probably put him up to it. They just wanted to get in my head.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.”

“I’m sorry.” He whipped his head at you, “Shit, I mean-”

“It’s fine, (Y/n). Just… try not to. Or whatever. I don’t give a fuck what you do or don’t do. Why’d you ask about Evan?”

“Jared brought him up to me today-”

Connor cut you off, “I thought I told you to avoid that fucking kid. He’s not a nice guy.”

“I tried. No, I tried. He like, hunted me down in the parking lot. Apologizing and telling me some stuff.”

“Don’t listen to him. He’s probably trying to make some joke. He thinks he’s the fucking class clown but he’s not even funny.” he paused, curious about what he might have said. “What was the stuff he told you.”

“Um…” you didn’t know whether to tell him about the Connor Project. It was obviously about him, but he didn’t seem to be fond of anyone at his school. Not even his sister. Now wasn’t the right time to bring that up. You know he’d be pissed about it. And now, it pissed you off, feeling like it was a pity project to make people feel better that no one actually cared about Connor.

“Woah, easy.” Connor said, sort of aggressively. He pulled your fingers off your palms, finding little red marks indenting your skin, the skin slightly broken. He brushed his fingers over the marks, you didn’t even realize you started to do that “I do the same thing. It just doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Connor didn’t re-ask what Jared told you. You two kind of talked about random stuff the rest of the night. Like your family (who were very different but similar in the rich neglectful way), your old lives (his living and yours where you used to live), and then music (which surprisingly was very similar! How many people can say their house ghost has a good taste in music. I’d take a wild guess and say next to none!) You stayed up until three, and both of you were getting tired (ghosts need sleep too apparently, existing in that form is draining.) You fell asleep first, curling up your body in a fetal position on your full size bed while Connor sat crossed legged. Before he disappeared, he had the realization that you were cute. Which wasn’t going to be good, finding you attractive.



“(Y/N)?” Jared whispered behind you. Snapping at you to get your attention. “Hey (Y/N) Pst! Hey, hey, (Y/N)!” he started yelling-whispering. “Heeeee-”

“What, Jared?” you hissed back. He leaned back in his desk, smiling widely at you in a goofy way.

“Wanna be partners?” he asked, pretending like you never said to leave you alone.

“Aren’t you usually with Alana?”

“She’s at some Student Council field trip for like three days, so I thought since neither of us have partners. Then we should just group up.”

You corrected him “You can’t find a partner.”

“Oh, I forgot. You’re miss popular. I mean, look at all the people begging to be your partner. What? You want me to get on my knees, profess my dire need of your partnership? Huh?”

“No don’t-” …And the boy was on his knees, making a scene.

“Oh, sweet merciful goddess of forgiveness. Please take mercy in me and take me on as your burden. Rise me up through the ashes and make me anew. Oh-”

“Okay okay. Please just stop… whatever you were just doing. Bring a desk over here.” you quickly told him, getting up to stop. You tried to hide your face. Half the class chuckled while the other rolled their eyes. So this was typical. Connor did tell you he was the class clown type. Though, Connor would’ve been a part of the half to roll their eyes.

The two of you started working. It was a MacBeth project. Recreating some scene in a modern day aspect. Jared wouldn’t shut up because how lame it was. Though, as you wrote the script, he would put his two cent on what memes to add. You ignored him.

You couldn’t help but to think about what Jared was telling me yesterday. You knew it was none of your business, but you couldn’t help to feel curious. Especially since you, well know Connor.

“Jared.” you said, not looking up from the paper you were writing on. “Um, what’s the Connor Project?”

He shifted awkwardly in his seat, “It’s a dead club.” You knew if he didn’t feel guilty about the whole thing, he would have chuckled at his accidentally pun. “The posters are still up just to make everyone feel better. Like the schools doing something when no one is.”

“Well, why isn’t anyone running it.”

“Why are you so curious about it all of the sudden. You didn’t want me to talk to you at all yesterday now you’re asking me questions about this. What’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one… I’m just… I don’t know. You, Alana, Evan, and Zoe just were really beat up about it. But no one else seemed to even flinch or bat an eye. Did Connor mean a lot to you.” you weren’t sure why you were asking questions you knew the answers too, people do that a lot to hear what they wanna hear.

“I don’t wanna to talk about it.” No one wanted to talk about anything, you thought.

“I see.”

Jared remarked: “You don't…”

“Why’s that.”

“You don’t know anything that went down. You know some kid killed himself and Evan started the Project. Which is now dead. T-the project, that is.”

“Well, I don’t know anything because no one will tell me.” You thought to yourself for a minute, waiting for a response. Evan started it. But Connor said that Evan wrote that mean note-

“Can we just get back to working in this stupid project.”

You complied. You still had no answers, a fuck ton of questions, and a memeless MacBeth project.

You got home later that day around 3. Connor was already in your room.

“You’re up early.” you say unphased. I mean, come on. A ghost lives in your house and you talk to him daily, what else could phase you at this point.

“Yeah, I haven’t really figured out why though.” he mumbled. He’s lying on your bed, staring at your ceiling. You notice scars all on his forearms. You don’t say anything. “I think my body thought it was 12 at night, when it was really 12 in the afternoon. I’ve been laying here for about 3 hours waiting for you to get home. Why don’t you have a clock in here.”

“Because I have a phone.”

“Yeah, but you don’t even have an alarm clock.”

“My phone is my alarm clock.”

He changed the subject, “How’s school.”

You shrugged your shoulders, looking around at everything other than him. He looked tired and so beat up. It made you incredibly sad. Connor caught on

“Is there a reason you won’t look at me.” he said, annoyed by your distance. “Am I that ugly?” That’s when you realized. Your ghost was cute. But he was hard to look at, seeing all the pain he had to go through. You wanted to start crying for him in a way. But what gave you the right to cry. Also, why did you refer to him as your ghost.

You made yourself make eye contact. Connor noted to himself that if he were alive, he would’ve blushed. But there is no blood running through his body anymore. “You happy. I’m just stressing out about this MacBeth project.”

“The modernization one?”

“Yeah, you did it?”

“I received it.” he said dryly, understanding what he meant. You looked away. He noticed. “Um, you had to partner up with someone right? Who’d you group with?” he asked, trying to steer back the conversation on the right road.

You couldn’t tell him, so you lied: “Alana. I’m not sure what her last name is.”

“Beck. It’s Alana Beck. You’ll ace that one. You’ll just have to deal with her annoying ass.” you smiled at him, reconnecting your eye contact.

“She seems okay.” you lied. You were still mad about what happened at lunch, and how she told Jared about your personal life. So you didn’t care for her.

“She’s, like, obsessed with how people see her.”

“Aren’t we all.”

“You don’t seem that way.”

“I am. I really want to make friends at this school.”

“No one’s worth your time…” he paused, going into a deep thought than coming out of it. “Alana, though. She does all this shit so other people think she’s this kind person like food drives. You know, that kind of shit. But she only does it for bonus points, like, so she can put it all on her college application.” You wondered if she was a part of the Connor Project?

“I mean, at least sees doing something.”

“But she’s not sincere about any of it. She doesn’t care.” he looked really sad again. Not even sad just empty. “I'm… I’m  just gonna go.”

“Wait, Con-” and he disappeared. Then, you felt really alone.

You tried facetiming your old friends. No one was able to pick up. It was Friday. And Fridays at your old town meant bonfire nights. Ugh, it was probably the first fire of senior year, and you were missing it. You were missing all of it. You went on instagram to see all their pictures. First, you looked at the old ones. Then the newer ones. The ones showing you weren’t missed. You noticed a message.

Jared Kleinman wants to send you a message.

Ew. No.

You read it anyway.

@JaredKleinmeme: hey i realized that this has to be a rough draft by monday and we only have half of it done. So we gotta meet up over the weekend. I would say my house but my moms are redoing our floors. So idk where you wanna meet.

No way were you coming here. Connor would have a fit. But you can’t borrow he car over weekends because your mom and dad both work during the day.

You got to message back.

Do you have a car? I don’t think we can come to my house?

He typed back within seconds.

No, i don’t. My parents only let me use theirs when i go to school.

Shit. Sure we can’t do yours???

Positive

Connor only ever seems to be in your room. Maybe if you guys stayed downstairs he’d never know.

Okay. We will make mine work.

Jared came over Saturday. You guys stayed in your living room. Everything was fine until your mom left.

Jared was focused on his computer. Writing out the rough draft.

Connor appeared at the stairs.

“Oh my god!” you screamed out, making Jared jump.

“What the hell?” Jared goes to look, but you grab his head to make him look at you. He turned flush.

“Sorry! I’m still getting adjusted to this house. Sometimes I just think I see things.”

Jared gets serious, “You don’t think it’s, like…. haunted or anything.”

He’s onto you. “Jared. Stop being ridiculous. I didn’t mean it like that.” Shit. Why did you make up that excuse?

“Yeah..” he chuckled meekly. “Sorry… I’m just… paranoid. Connor didn’t like me. For valid reasons. I wasn’t exactly nice to the guy-” a crash sounded upstairs. In a flash, Jared started collecting his stuff. “I-I-I’ll finish the project at home, just don’t worry about.”

“Jared. That was just my cat! It’s fine.” you lied. You didn’t have a cat.

“I know that this is going to sound crazy, but just in case Connor is haunting your house. He probably is a vengeful ghost and will kill me. I really have to go, okay. I’ll email you the script.” he practically ran out of your house. Connor popped up right in front of you as the door shut behind Jared, causing you to stagger back surprised.

“What the hell, (Y/N)?!” he fumed.

“No! What the hell to you, Connor!” you matched his anger. “Don’t do that shit when I have people over. Jared thinks you’re haunting the house now.”

“Well, aren’t I?” he hissed, “I can’t believe you lied to me. God, literally I told you to talk to anyone but him. But not only are you his friend, you’re inviting him over to your goddamn house. Are you trying to fuck him or something. That fucking virgin probably itching you to fuck him.” Connor was completely out of hand.

“What the actual hell, Connor. What’s your fucking problem!

“Jared! Jared fucking Kleinman is my fucking problem, (Y/N)!”

“Well he’s gone, thanks for that by the way! Just an FYI, I’d never even hug Jared if my life depended on it, let alone try and have sex with him. So, drop it!”

“Then what was he doing here.”

“A project! A stupid MacBeth one.”

“You told me you were working on that with Alana?”

Shit

You story fell through. “Shit… I… You know I couldn’t have told you.”

“Why are you working with him then?”

“Because he was the only one left in the class. Are you done interrogating me? Because now i have to worry about how to tell people my house isn’t being haunted by some freak.” You froze, your hands covering your mouth as if you could shove that last word back in, pretending you never said it.

“Go fuck yourself.” He screamed his voice cracking. You couldn’t believe you let that word leave your mouth. Especially directing it at Connor. You fucked up.

You didn’t see Connor for a full week. You tried apologizing, knowing he had to be around somewhere. He was. He always was. He’d watch you at all times. He’d watch you sit and watch TV, eat dinner with your family, watch you sleep, and write in your journal. You always felt his presence, the air always felt a little colder when he was around.

You couldn’t stand not talking to him.

The following Friday came. You looked at your friends pictures online. Then, you looked at the people from your new school pictures. And then you looked in the mirror. Coming face to face with yourself. All alone. Tears started rolling down your cheeks. You were so alone, it started to ache. Even your parents were out doing things.

You started talking out loud. “I’m so sorry, Connor. I didn’t mean that. I was… I don’t even know why I said it. I don’t believe that at all. I miss talking to you. You’re the only friend I have here and I miss you so goddamn much. I’m an idiot for saying that and I should never talk again because I always screw up and I’m the worst and I’m sorry I’m the person who moved into this house because I’m just like the people at our school. I belong there, I suppose. Even though I’m an outcast, a fucking loser. I am the freak Connor.”

“I guess we are both freaks then.” he appeared next to you on your bed. How didn’t you notice the weight before.

Tears burst out, and you cried loud. “I’m so sorry. You’re not a freak.” Connor brought you into a hug. You were shocked at first, his cold exterior touching you. You slowly put your arms around him. Not wanting to go through him.

You didn’t.

You were hugging him. Touching him.

“Connor?” you muffled into his chest.

“Mhm?” his face was buried in your hair.

“How am I touching you?”

“I think I’m letting you. I don’t really know. I don’t have a ghost manual.”

“That would’ve been handy.” the two of you chuckle lightly. But yours came out really weird because you were still crying. He squeezed you tighter.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

“I read your diary…” you disconnect from him, staring into his eyes, bewildered.

“You did what?”

He continued. “While you were at school today. I was going through your room. And I found your black book, noticed there was writing in it. And I kind of read it all.”

“You… read… all of it?” You weren’t even mad. What you felt was worse, you were mortified.

“We never talk about your problems. I don’t know. I didn’t know you felt that way… So alone.”

You were beyond mortified. You couldn’t believe he read the entirety of your diary. “Oh god….”

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m not gonna tell anyone. um… I mean I can’t. You’re the only person I talk to. Because I’m dead-”

“I get it, Connor.” you squeezed the bridge of your nose, not wanting to look at him. You wrote about everything in there.

“You don’t want to… you know. Um. Commit suicide.” Your head shot up, meeting his eyes. He looked so worried and sad. “Because, coming from me, it’s not at all worth it. Um, it didn’t solve anything. I almost wish I didn’t fucking do it. All I had to do was wait another year. Go to college. Pay for my own therapy. I could’ve done it. I was just so…. lost… and alone…. I couldn’t see a future. But you’re really great. You’re amazing. You’re like the best person I’ve ever met. And I wish I would’ve known you when I was alive. Maybe…. just maybe…” he quickly shut his mouth, knowing if he finished his sentence, he’d break. He turned away, knowing the tears that were welling up in his eyes were about to fall. You grabbed his hand, silently reassuring that it was okay to cry. Neither of you said anything for the rest of the night. You both just laid in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, innocently holding hands.

Both of you felt a sense of belonging for the first time in a while.

You shot up from sleeping the next morning, Connor’s body gone.

He read your diary. Fuck. You wrote about that one kid Tyler at your old school. That weird, awkward, awful sexual encounter with Tyler. Oh, my god. You’re humiliated.

He didn’t bring it up all weekend though - thank god - hopefully he never would. But then school came around Monday.

“Hey, um, (Y/N)?” a voice questioned you from behind Turning around, your eyes met Zoe Murphy’s. Shit. “I’m Zoe… er Murphy.”

“Yeah, um. I remember you. From the house sale, that is.” you stammered. Why was she talking to you.

“Oh, cool. Um, are you eating with anyone at lunch today? Because, I wanted to see if you wanted to sit with my friends and I? I’m just super confused on what we are doing in here and you seem to be the only one in class who actually knows what’s going on. And I’m trying to get in Juilliard, and I need to show them I’m not only good at playing in the Jazz band, but also at astrophysics. But if you’re busy, or sitting with other people, I totally understand.”

You shifted in your seat. You weren’t busy or sitting with others. But you didn’t want to sound pathetic. “I’m behind on some work-”

“Oh…” she looked incredibly sad. Like almost Connor-level sad. “That’s fine. Sorry, it was probably really weird for me to ask you like that-”

“No! N-no no no. It’s fine. Actually, I can sit with you! I’m not that behind.”

She smiled slightly, almost so subtly; you’d miss it if you blink. “Awesome! I sit at the first table by the window near the gym. Or, um, I could meet you-”

“Nope, I’ll just come to the table.”

“Sweet.” she nodded her head. “Um, I’ll see you there then?”

“Yeah… Um, for sure.” you said with weak excitement. Zoe waved and walked in the opposite direction.

What does she want now? People just don’t invite others to randomly sit with them. . Especially not the girl who moved into your old house who hangs out with your dead brother. Unless of course if you’re Alana and you wanted something out of it. Did Zoe want something more than a lesson in astrophysics from you?

The first half of the day dragged on, you not really being there entirely because your thoughts kept drifting off to Zoe, or Connor, or Jared, Alana, or even Evan. Didn’t Jared say something about Evan dating Zoe, and Connor said something about a mean note from Evan. Nothing made sense. You weren’t just a step behind, you were a full mile.

Lunch finally came, and you found Zoe right away. She was watching the door for you to come. There were a few of her friends at the table. They all smiled and said hi when you sat down. You caught none of their names. Zoe forced a conversation out of you. She kind of reminded you of your old friends: nice, pretty, talkative, cool without trying. You told her that. She smiled bigger, almost more subtly. In the middle of your explanation of spectroscopy, she interrupted you.

“(Y/N), what are you doing after school?”

Hanging out with your dead brother. You decided to go with: “Um, nothing I can think of.” instead.

“Cool. Um, do you wanna maybe hang out after? Um, we can get coffee? If you uh, like coffee.” she asked, you couldn’t help but to think it was a trap.

“I do, I do. But I have to get the car back for my mom in time for her to go to work-”

“I could pick you up. I mean, I know where you live.” she tried chuckling.

You didn’t know how to get out of this one. And a small part of you yearned for any type of friendship between the living. “Uh… are you sure? I could ask if my mom could just drop me off?”

Zoe reassured you, “No! No, it’s fine. It’s not out of the way.”

“Only if you really want to.”

“Yeah, of course! Do you wanna go right after school?”

“Do you actually just wanna follow me to my, er, the house?” you felt weird using personal pronouns when it previously belonged to her. She nodded, not bothered by it though.

You regretted it as soon as you made the official plan. This was gonna be weird.

This was weird.

Zoe followed behind, even though she knew the way better, she probably knew the back roads. You parked the car in the driveway, and quickly got in hers. She was staring at the house, looking at Connor’s room window.

“I live in that one.” Pointing at her old room, knowing it was hers, to distract her from Connor.

“That was mine!” She says excited. “The closet’s really nice.”

You forced out a laugh, sounding real enough. “I know! I love it. Most of my clothes are still in boxes because I’m just too lazy to put them all away.”

“No way! Me too. More than half of them are still in tubs on my floor. My mom is so annoyed by it. She’ll probably hang them up soon if I don’t.”

“My mom would never do that. She’s been in my room once. Maybe twice. She doesn’t really care what I do.” Zoe frowns at this. “N-not like she doesn’t care about me or anything. Just like what I do. I have more freedom than I know what to do with?”

“Oh… That’s actually really cool. Do you want to come to a party on Friday then?” Zoe blurted out, feeling like she had been too forward.  

“Um…” you hadn’t been to a party since your old town. What were these parties like. How do you dress? How do you act here?

“You could come over to my house, er, new house and get ready with me and the girls.” she made it sound appealing. This was a chance to meet friends.

“Yeah. Um, I’ll think about it.” Or this was a chance for everyone to find you weird. You were caught in the middle of your two-sided thoughts.

“Cool.” she stated pulling into the coffee shop. “I go here all the time. They have really good Matcha Tea. I’m not a huge coffee or tea person, but Matchas really good.”

The two of you went in, ordered (both getting Matcha, Zoe was right, it was really good), and sat down. It was odd at first. It felt like an awkward blind date that neither party wanted to be there. But after a while, you warmed up. You told her all about your old town, school, and friends. She told you about your new town, your school, and her friends.

“What are parties like here, anyway?” you gushed. “I’ve only been to parties where I know everyone. We play pong, drink, couples hookup in bathrooms, and then everyone talks about it at school the following Monday on who won at pong, who got blackout, and who had sex.”

She laughed wholeheartedly, “It’s basically the same. But we play flip cup.”

“Shit, I don’t know the rules for that.”

“Don’t worry. It’s easier than pong. Just watch what the people do before you.”

You both laugh, having genuine fun. She didn’t ask anything from you. Or use you for her advantage.

Something was off.

But you left it alone. She drove you home. It was around 8. You knew you had to work on some homework before bed, even through her protests. She told you to keep sitting with her at lunch, if you wanted to. You agreed.

You walked into your house smiling.

“Why was Zoe’s car in front of the house?”

Connor asked, scaring you half to death the minute you entered your room.

“God. You need to stop just popping up. You’re going to give me a heart-attack.”

“What? So you wanna hang out with her now? Are you sick of me? Did she tell you things about me. All the terrible things I did to her? Did you talk about me? No, that’d be ridiculous. She’d think you were crazy.”

There Connor went off again, rambling out his anxieties. “Slow down, Connor. We didn’t talk about you at all. You didn’t even come up.”

“Of course I didn’t, why would she talk about me. She’s probably glad I’m gone.

“That’s not true at all. The day… The Anniversary. She was crying in school. And she just looks sad all the time.” his face fell with even more grief. “Not like… ‘All the time’, like just when she thinks about you.”

“I thought you guys didn’t talk about me.”

“We didn’t. Sometimes you can just tell.”

“She wants something, (Y/N).”

“Like what. If she did, she would’ve asked today, not asked if I wanted to sit with her at lunch or go to this stupid party on Friday.”

“You’re going to a party? Who’s house?”

“Maybe… and I don’t know? I don’t even know if I’m going.”

“Don’t. Nothing ever good happens at party.”

“Are you, like, a party expert?” you ridiculed.

“Shut up. I’ve heard what happens.”

“I’m headstrong, Murphy. Now get out, I have to change.”

“I’ve seen you change before…” he said nonchalantly.

You turned red, “What!?” you hissed.

“I thought you knew I was there. You just walked in and threw off your shirt and pants.”

“Oh my god.” you held your head in your hands.

“ I tried to leave, but i still have to open doors to get to places. A common misconception about ghosts by the way. Or I just haven’t figured it out yet…” he didn’t realize your embarrassment, continuing to ramble.

You cut him off, “You’ve seen me naked?” you exclaimed.

“No! Just bra and underwear! Not full on. Not like Tyler.”

“Tyler?” you asked confused, then it hit you. “Oh my god!” You run to your bed, burrowing your face from all the humiliation. “Get out, you perv!” You shouted, throwing a pillow through him. “Wait how can things go through you if you can’t go through them?”

“Exactly what you said. Things can go through me, but I can’t go through them. Or at least I haven’t figured it out.”

You didn’t actual care at that moment, your distress taking over of all other worries. “Oh my god. Just get out.” you groaned, huffing into a body pillow.

He laughed as he closed the door, letting you get changed. “Lemme know when you’re done.”

You wait a minute, making sure you can’t sense him in your room. He may have been lying about the whole he couldn’t go through things. That’s when you decided. You were definitely only going to change  in your closet from now on.

Friday came. Sitting with Zoe at lunch was a lot of fun. She never brought up Connor or the house. I mean, why would she bring Connor up to you? To her knowledge, you don’t know him. You went home and immediately started getting ready for the party.

“Are you really going to that stupid fucking thing.” Connor groaned.

“Yes.” you mumbled, doing your hair in your mirror.

“Wouldn’t you rather hang out with me.” he huffed, lying on your bed, reading something.

“We hang out every day.” You looked over at him, realizing your diary was in his hands. “S-stop reading that.” you turned red, getting up and tackling him, trying to get it out of his hands. He held his one arm out, using the other to gently stop you. Your whole body was basically straddling him. Then, he turned red. Well, as much color as a ghost could get. You finally retrieved it, not noticing his bashfulness. “Ha!” you announced. Closing the book and putting in back on your bookshelf.

Connor just fell back on your bed, just staring at you. He never noticed how your hair framed your face, or how your eyes got all sparkling when you were happy, or how the corners or your mouth would twitch up when you blushed, revealing subtle dimples.

“What are you looking at. Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.” you joked, laughing at it yourself.

“Stay here. With me.” he asked vulnerable.

You paused, his tone throwing you off. You shook it off. “Come on, Con. You know I gotta go out and seem social. People are gonna start to think that I’m staying home all the time to hang out with my only friend, who’s a ghost.” You’d never called him Con before. He liked it.

“Not a chance people are going to start thinking that…” he smiled, finding that scenario completely ridiculous. And finding you completely perfect.

“I’ll be home tomorrow! All day, and we can play video games or watch movies downstairs when my parents leave.”

“Why do that tomorrow? When you could do that tonight?” Connor kept trying. You walked over to him, giving him the ever so lightest peck on his forehead. His stomach felt like it was filled with butterflies. He got that saying now.

“Tomorrow, Connor. I promise.” A beep came out from outside. “That’s your sister. I gotta go. How do I look?”

“Perfect.” he said glumly, but he meant it fully.

“I’m serious, Connor.”

“Me too…” you looked at him funny. “Go, she’s going to honk again. She’s the most impatient person ever.”

“Okay, okay.” you stood before the mirror, brushing your hair in the front, then to the back, then to the front again. Letting out a big, nervous sigh, then heading toward the door. “Bye-bye Murphy. Don’t have too much fun without me!” you called out, your door slamming shut behind you. Connor looked out the window. He meet eyes with Zoe, who was staring straight at her old room window, making what seemed like eye-contact with him. He basically ducked to the floor.

Once you got in the car, Zoe seemed panicked. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you good.”

She quickly faked a smile, “Yeah! No, I’m good! We gotta pick up the rest of the girls.” Something was up with her.

The night sped by. You got the girls, went back to Zoe’s, touched up hair and makeup, and went to the party. It was actually only like three blocks away from your house. You were all immediately handed shots as soon as you guys walked through the door. And then a red solo cup of beer. And then a mixed drink. This house party was a lot bigger than the ones back home. You had to drink more to feel comfortable, and you sort of blacked out. Coming in and out of consciousness. At one point you were playing flip cup (and dominating), then you were doing a beer bong with Zoe (the girl somehow beat you there, not coming across as the drinking type), then you ended up in a bathroom. On a counter. With your legs and arms around some guy. Who was making out with you. What the heck were you doing.

“Connor?” You drunkenly said.

“No, er, Jared.” that sobered you up. You shoved him off, crossing your arms.

“Oh, my God. No.” you wiped off your mouth. “Hell, no. What the fuck Jared?”

“You started making out with me first. Why the hell did you just call me Connor.” Shit. Why did you call him Connor. You jumped off the counter and stormed out of the room. Someone grabbed you by the shoulder.

“(Y/N)! I’ve been looking for you.” Zoe slurred. You tried focusing on her face, but it was spinning.

“Listen, Zoe. I gotta go home.” you said back, definitely slurring your words too.

“No! You can’t!”

“Yeah, I gotta the other girls are here. You’ll be fine.”

“No, it’s not that. I need to ask you about Conmor.” She mispronounced his name, somehow slurring an M into it.

“What do you mean. I didn’t know him Zoe.” you said nervously

“No. You do. Jared told Alana that you said you see things. And there was a bang in your house and you pretended it was a cat. But you’ve never talked about a cat before. It was like you were trying to cover up. And you kept asking questions.”

“No. No it’s not like that. I just see the posters every day.”

“I saw him, (Y/N)! And you just remind me of him. Like, not like you’re mean but like, I don’t know, your humor. Like, you say things Connor would from time to time. And sometimes, I swear you smell like him. It’s like you talk to him. And I saw him, (y/n), in your room.”

Shit. Shit shit shit. You were in deep shit. Everyone is going to think of you as a fucking ghost whisperer. You had to fix it.

You started laughing, cackling.

“Zoe. Are you serious right now? Are you that drunk? We gotta find you a bed. God, you’re a treat. I haven’t laughed this hard since my old town. Wow.” you pretended to wipe a tear from your eye, humming out the last bit of fake laughs. “I’ll see you Monday.” You turned around and your smirk fell. You had to get out of there. You stumbled down the stairs. Looking for where you came in. Why does being drunk make you lose motor control and your sense of direction?

You somehow made it out and you were walking back home, tripping over your own two feet. You didn’t even realized you made it inside until you had to throw up. You bolted upstairs, going to bathroom and letting all the different kinds of alcohol up from your stomach into the toilet bowl

“(Y/N)?” You rose your head up. Shit, was that your dad.

“Occupied, Dad.” you called out, feeling like that didn’t sound drunk at all. It sounded very drunk.

“Let me in, it’s Connor. Your parents aren’t here.”

“No. I’m gross right now.” you whined out. You were too drunk to talk to him. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Who the fuck am I going to tell. The dead bugs in your window?”

“I don’t care about who you tell. I’m scared of what you’ll think of me.” There was a pause. “Connor?”

“Let me in, (Y/N).” he said so gently and nice, that itself almost made you blush. You crawl over to the door, using the knob to pick you up and then unlock it, not even realizing you locked it in the first place. Connor opened it slowly, peeking his head in as if we didn’t want to startle you. You leaned against the wall, pointing a finger at him.

“I drank a lot.” you confessed, trying to smile and act not as drunk as you were.

“Yeah, I can smell it. Are you ok-” you interrupt his sentence by running to the toilet. He followed behind, holding your hair behind you. He saw that in a movie once. He patted your back, which made you smile into the toilet.

“Isn’t it gross that we put our face so close to the toilet when we puke.” you joked, which did derive a laugh about of him.

“You’re drunk, (Y/N).”

“I know.” you lean your head against the toilet set. “Will you help me up? I wanna brush my teeth and gargle.” Connor complied, helping you up by the waist and leading you over to the sink. You got your blue tooth brush and started brushing.

“Uh, (Y/N)… You forgot the toothpaste.” he shyly told you. You started to laugh.

“Oh yeah, can you help?” he picked up the toothpaste for you and squeezed (a lot) on. Round two: you started brushing again. Making a lot of toothpaste foam. Connor just laughed. Looking at you in the mirror, only slightly annoyed he couldn’t see himself. Even like this, with all that shit dripping out of your mouth, you still looked pretty to him. He wondered what he looked like. It this state he’s in. He noticed he still had the scars on his wrists. He couldn’t help but wonder about his neck. He couldn’t help to think it’d be unfair for him to be able to look at you all the time and you had to look at the mess he was.

You brought him out of his thoughts, “Connor.”

“Mhm?”

“Stop staring at me. You’re making me self-conscious.” you blushed madly in the mirror. He looked away, allowing you to spit all the toothpaste out of your mouth. You slowly turned the water on, missing the handle the first try, and rinsed you mouth off. You took the Listerine and just started drinking it. Connor quickly took it away from you. You gargles the rest of what you had in your mouth as Connor reached for the cup. You almost spit all over his arm, if he wasn’t able to let stuff go through him.

“I’m glad you a ghost in that instance. Because that would’ve sucked.” He noted you said instance, but didn’t say anything. He walked you to your room, “How many people can say there dead best friend helps their drunk selves out. Zero. I win!” you giggled.

Connor rolled his eyes, “You’re going to be hung over tomorrow.”

“Nooooo…” you retort, as if you were a child.

He sniggered, “We aren’t going to be able to play games or watch movies. Guess I’m going to have to read your diary again.”

“Connor! Anything but that. I’ll stay awake. The less drunk I am when I go to sleep, the less hung over I’ll be. Science.” you told him, realizing the two of you were on your bed.

“No, you should go to sleep. The longer you sleep, the less hung over you’ll be. That’s Science.”

“But I don’t wanna go to sleep.”

“And why’s that.”

“Because I want to talk to you more.”

“We can talk tomorrow.”

“No.” You rise up, your face getting close to Connors. “I wanna talk now.” you whisper.

“A-about.” Connor stammered out. You were so close to him. He’d never been this close to anyone.

“Everything…” you close the distance, placing your lips on his. He’d never kissed anyone before. He never thought he would when he was dead. He kissed back for a split second, until he remembered.

He was dead. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t let you kiss a fucking dead person. He was probably cold and disgusting. He broke the kiss.

“I’m so sorry!” you panicked, creating unwanted distance between the two of you.

“Why did you do that.” Connor hissed, getting up and pacing.

“I don’t know. I’m- I’m sorry. I’m drunk.”

“Don’t ever do that again.” Connor jumped up and stomped out the door, disappearing mid-shut.

You were mortified. Your thoughts raced, thinking of everything that happened, until you passed out from all the alcohol.

Breaking Up With Peter Parker Would Include

anon request: A request Breaking up with Peter would include Make it a tear jerker ?

okay hopefully this was tearjerker enough:’)

a huge thank you goes out to @sheodo for the ideas and @nycspidey for editing you guys should all check out their blogs!!

requests are open:))

Originally posted by sddonald22

breaking up with peter parker would include:

- during the day at school you would avoid peter as much as you could.

- when you see peter or ned in the halls you would doge them as much as possible.

- after school you would take the exit on the other side of the school rather than facing peter.

- peter would send you a text.

- “where were you today love?”

- peter was always sweet never using pet names like baby girl or babe always using princess, darling, love.

- you would leave his message on read.

- the song i found by amber run would be playing full blast in your earphones.

- you would be holding tears back at just the mere thought of what was going to happen tonight.

- taking the back alley ways home wouldn’t be the smartest but it felt like the only way to ignore him.

- breaking up with peter was one of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make.

- when you get home you would pace around thinking about how you would tell peter.

- “it’s not you it’s me”

- “i still love you but i need time for myself”

- “i have to focus more on school”

- you hadn’t eaten anything all day.

- you felt like you could throw up your empty stomach.

- you were about to send peter a text.

- we need to talk im coming over.

- before you pressed send a knock appeared at your door.

- you opened the door to see peter holding two sandwich bags from me delmours and a bunch of dvds containing all your favourite films.

- “come in pete”

- “this is for you babe”

- he would hand you a sandwich and the movies placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

- you would inhale deeply thinking to yourself.

- this is for the best.

- “peter we have to talk”

- “yeah sure y/n, what’s up?”

- you would turn to him and the smile quickly disappeared on his face based on the expression yours held.

- “sweetheart you look like your about to cry what’s wrong?”

- peter would rush to your side wrapping his arms around you.

- you would push him away wiping a stray tear on your cheek.

- “i don’t think i can see you anymore”

- “y/n you can’t see me cause your facing the other way”

- peter would laugh until he slowly realized what you meant.

- “i’m sorry pete”

- “b-but did i do something wrong?”

- “no you were the best boyfr-”

- “was i too clingy, not clingy enough”

- “peter that’s no-”

- “is it cause i’m a nerd and ned is my only friend where as you have your clique!”

- peters voice would raise to a shout scaring you slightly but it would quickly simmer down.

- tears began running down your face quicker, similar to niagara falls.

- “peter that’s not it”

- “than what is it y/n!”

- “you have been blowing me off for weeks now! this is the first movie night you haven’t skipped in a month”

- peter paused not moving at all.

- you wanted this to be easy but peter looked like you just kicked him straight in the ribs.

- “but y/n it’s the stark internsh-”

- “that’s all i ever hear come out of your mouth peter!”

- “mr stark this mr stark that!”

- “y/n i have an explanation just listen to me”

- you paused ready to hear him out. peter was a fantastic boyfriend other than when he lies about where he is so your always worrier.

- “i’m spiderman”

- “get out”

- “what why?”

- “peter if you can’t take this conversation seriously then get out”

- your voice was getting loud and booming, you didn’t even know why you were so mad.

- tears were falling down your face quickly and you could tell peter had run out of options.

- “y/n seriously look”

- when you looked up at peter he wasn’t there.
- “up here”

- you tilted your head to look at the ceiling and peter was hanging off of it.

- “peter this is more reason to not have this relationship!”

- at this point you were shouting wanting this event to be over already.

- this new found information has stressed you out even more.

- “i have to focus on getting into stanford i can’t be worried about you every waking second”

- peter was frozen to his spot, he did move a
single muscle.

- he didn’t even flinch when i spoke to him:

- “i don’t love you anymore”

- peters mouth opened to form words that wouldnt come out of his mouth.

- “i- um”

- peter sat down on one of the chairs at the kitchen counter trying to process what just happened.

- “i have spent a year and a half with you and your telling me you don’t love me anymore”

- peters voice cracked at the end of anymore sending your body into sob mode.

- all you could do was nod.

- “peter you should go”

- all peter did was sit there with his mouth slightly open as if he was still trying to get the words through his head.

- your heart ache with pain but you had to do it.
- maybe you lied slightly.

- maybe you knew he was spiderman after listening into a phone call of his with ned.

- maybe you heard him say i do this because i want to keep y/n safe.

- maybe you had to say things you don’t mean to keep peter safe.

- when peter walked out of your door and out of your life all you could say we’re four words that made your voice crack, your eyes sting with tears, and your heart ache in pain.

- “ill always love you, spider-man.

taglist: @ohheyitssophaye @curly-haired-crisp @lightwormandheronduck @midnightrose44 @sylviestars @qxmxp @runs-with-sciss0rs @michaelsmoustache @carefullyawake @aussie-mantle @tomsglee @cynderros @dailygubler @5-seconds-of-sarcasm @twinsofia @every-heart-has-scars @justyourfriendlyneighbourhoodgeek @johnsonxstilinski @courtney-chanelle @sheodo @inconsolablydepressed @nwmtagsb @sarcasticvodka

EDIT IN PROCESS


As promised, here is my list of ereri ficrecs THIS LIST IS FUCKING HUGE BTW (50+ fics). So, feel free to blacklist ‘sarah’s ficrec’ in order to keep this from clogging your dash. I think I have them organized pretty well, but I really don’t have a good understanding of the word, so yeah. Also, I feel like I should mention this: if your fic appears on this list, and I haven’t left kudos IM SORRY I AM TERRIBLE ABOUT FORGETTING TO LEAVE THEM. And, all works posted only come from Archive of Our Own. So, anything posted exclusively to Tumblr, FanFiction, etc. is not going to be on this list. Also, if any of the multi-chapter fics are rated ‘E’: IT PROBABLY HAS SOME FRICK FRACK. So, please be wary of tags. All the fics are posted in alphabetical order.

TIME TO REC SOME MOTHERFUCKING FANFICS


AU MULTI-CHAPTER (incomplete) -

Around Your Neck by morphemes 

WC: 90k+ | MATURE  - DROPPED

In the depths of the city of Trost, there lies a dangerous and violent rivalry between Sina Academy and Maria Grammar School. The debacle unfolds when Eren Jaeger takes one step too far in his hatred toward the Sina elite, when defending his best friend. With his education on the line, he’s signed up to help develop the annual festival hosted by his school for the town – a perfect opportunity to upstage Sina Academy in a form of revenge. Events lead to first encounters and Eren meets Levi, the mysterious lead singer of a local rock band, and his friends. The tension unravels as Eren tries his hardest to make his school the best it can be and attempt to keep his lacking love life in check, all whilst trying to grow up with those surrounding him. 

Domestic Relations by Shangalangalang 

WC: 37k+ | MATURE

It was only supposed to be for a little while, just until Eren got his degree in psychology and Rivaille paid back his debts to Grisha. But what was only supposed to be for a while turned into an unlikely roommate romance between a college psychology major and a hardass, sleep-deprived doctor, and it all goes downhill from there.

Everytime I Poop, I Think of You by suckaknob 

WC: 11k+ | MATURE

Eren and Levi spend the night drinking and getting into a lot of trouble. They wake up to a lot of surprises. 

Ice Cream in Winter by kazuma85 

WC: 25k+ | MATURE

Eren is a University freshman forced by his sister and his girlfriend to take dancing lessons with them. 

In the dance school, he meets his short and slightly quirky instructor with whom he already had a short and nearly disastrous encounter.

If the Seas Catch Fire by RobinRedR

WC: 46k+ | MATURE

Eren doesn’t really like gay people. Well, and that’s putting it lightly. Somehow, Armin convinces – read ‘blackmails’ – him into joining Trost High’s Gay-Straight Alliance in the hopes of altering his chauvinistic attitude. Now enter Levi, who is pretty damn smart and badass and different, and who begins cropping up everywhere like a weed in the neat flowerbed of Eren’s life. He is also, unfortunately for Eren, very very gay.

Otherwise known as the high school!AU in which pretty much no one is straight, Hanji runs the experiment of their lifetime, and maybe there is more backstory to Eren’s bigotry than first meets the eye.

Keep Your Head Up by MildlyMoonstruck 

WC: 102k+ | MATURE

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be at auditions, Levi acknowledges—if there’s anything that’s true about him, it’s that he will never do something unless he really wants to, on some level. ‘That’s the only stupid reason I said yes to this,’ he grouses, scowling. ‘Never should have watched Dr. Horrible with Erwin and Hanji that one time. Note to self: don’t let anyone know you like things. Liking things is stupid and gives people a way to exploit you because they know you want to do Dr. Horrible like nobody’s fucking business, and they were counting on that. Ugh. I hate them. I hate people.’

Enter a certain bright-eyed freshman who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut.

Keeping Time by WolfNotFawn 

WC: 25+ | EXPLICIT

Eren was a bright-eyed dreamer with hopes of making it as a singer, oh, and a hopeless crush on the man who was supposed to help him become one.

Lists by Trick_Fantasy 

WC: 68k+ | EXPLICIT

The story of Levi (“Why bother trying to make friends when you can learn to control people instead?”) and Eren (“Because you can control people better when they think that they’re your friends. They don’t even know they’re being manipulated.”) coping with social interaction at college in their own different ways.

Never Back Down by warschach 

WC: 78k+ | EXPLICIT

Eren is a stubborn omega that refuses to submit to any Alpha’s will. No one can make him surrender and therefore he has prided himself on his ability to resist the most imposing Alphas out there. Enter Levi, an beautiful Alpha that makes Eren’s inside wet (literally) and never backs down from a challenge. He set on making Eren his Omega but Eren doesn’t play nice. Now if only that nagging voice inside of him begging for submission would just shut up, Eren will be just fine resisting the beautiful raven. 

Organic Chemistry by pachysandra {WC: 26k+ | RATING: T}

Paint It Red by mc_jaeger (also eruren) {WC: 16k+ | RATING: T}

Romance Is Only a Click Away by Matcha (also eruren, erejean) {WC: 21k+ | RATING: E}

Room 23 by ghosts_desu {WC: 63k+ | RATING: M}

Sang D'Encre by minorthirds {WC: 88k+ | RATING: M}

Sometimes Things Turn Out for the Best by Resmiranda {WC: 132k+ | RATING: M}

Traffic Jams and Holding Hands by Thequietgamer {WC: 17k+ | RATING: M}

Turning Point by LiquidLithium {WC: 5k+ | RATING: M}

Undercover by bexara {WC: 7k+ | RATING: M}

Wanderlust by Sabrinanikkol {100k+ | RATING: E}


AU MULTI-CHAPTER (complete) -

3 A.M. by loveatfirstsight

WC: 101k+ | EXPLICIT

The story is about Levi: A neurotic man who suffers from depression, is successful at writing but unsuccessful at everything else. Setting: Breakfast (never in the morning) at his favorite diner, a record store that hasn’t dusted its ceiling fan since the 1970’s, a hole in the wall cafe to drink black tea and judge the terrible tongue tied poets on the shoddy ill-lit stage, a park with swings that are always annoyingly wet, and his immaculate apartment in the city. Levi is riddled with quirky traditions and struggles with anxiety, still battling childhood memories he can never completely forget. Then enter Eren Jaeger, the too loud and too passionate guitar player that takes the stage one night that just won’t stop staring at Levi. Eren is full of hope and promise and everything Levi needs, but Levi can’t have what’s good for him. Right?

34,000 Feet Above the Ground by kaorusquee {WC: 8k+ | RATING: M}

The 6th Ward by coldmakerel {WC: 93k+ | RATING: M}

Art of War by catsonfire 

WC: 52k+ | EXPLICIT

Noisy neighbors, nursling dinosaurs, satanic box cutters, shitty convenience store management, the word ‘fuck’, hereditary (but not really) homosexuality, beer and ramen, pennies, truckstops, strippers, closets, semi-public defacing, rings, house parties, “recreational” drug use, accidental rendezvous, toxic stew (don’t eat the stew), nice abs, housewives–batteries not included, over-educational movie sessions, copious domesticity, kittens named after landlords, a shit joke at participating locations, and many, many happy endings.

A modern AU in which Eren moves into the apartment directly above Levi’s.

Charnelle by madchilla {WC: 24k+ | RATING: E}

Club Tryst by ScarlettSiren {WC: 36k+ | RATING: E}

Dental Care by elliewritesthings {WC: 14k+ | RATING: T}

ED May Stand for Emotional Dysregulation… But It Doesn’t Have To by SolSermisiere {WC: 18k+ | RATING: E}

Epilogues Are Better Than Prologues by ninanna {WC: 37k+ | RATING: T}

A Forged Wedding by mistyhollowdrummer {180k+ | RATING: M}

Haute Couture Love by SailorHeichou (also eruren) 

WC: 163k+ | RATING: MATURE

Eren Jaeger is sharp, determined and hard working but doesn’t consider himself beautiful or good looking in the least. When he lands his dream job, working at Survey Corp Publications as the Executive Assistant to a high-end Fashion magazine’s Editor-in-Chief, his life is turned Topsy-Turvy. All he wants to do is work hard to become an Editor, but his boss Levi seems keen on making his life a living hell.

Levi is a notorious playboy who gets what he wants both in and out of the bedroom. As Editer-in-Chief of New York’s best selling high-end Fashion Magazine, Levi is forced to work with an overly determined, hot-headed brat with a rat’s nest for hair and the most incredible eyes he’s ever seen and it’s all because of Erwin Smith.

Holding Hands in the Rain by twisting_vine_x 

WC: 106k+ | EXPLICIT

Basically the one with thousands of words of Eren and Levi crushing like crazy on each other, and being absolutely freaking ridiculous together, and slowly falling in love against the backdrop of modern-day Vancouver.

- - -

Levi only realizes how much he’s not paying attention to anything around him when there are shoes beside the puddle he’s drawing. Looks up to find Eren standing right there in the rain, the hood on his jacket pulled back, and his hair plastered down against his head. He’s just standing there, and – he’s watching Levi with an expression that looks so fond it actually hurts; and Levi’s just managed to get his breath back and open his mouth when Eren moves closer, and Levi loses his air all over again.

It Was Monday by Nelly_Belly 

WC: 14k+ | EXPLICIT

Levi is an art student, Eren is the new model.

Junkyard Dogs by acidtowns 

WC: 70k+ | EXPLICIT

Autocracy — a system where one leader has absolute power — is the only government that exists in prison. Levi is the current ‘Top Dog,’ and for years, no one has had the mind to challenge his position — at least, no one until now. Enter: Eren Jaeger, a new inmate with indefinite mentalities and obscure motives. With the power to shake Levi’s throne, Eren becomes the one exception of everything.

Knockout by Raylou 

WC: 113k+ | MATURE

Eren joins the Keith Shadis Self Defense Academy as part of a deal with Armin. For the rest of the summer he has one-on-one sessions with the district’s best martial artist and captain of the Academy’s elite tournament competitors, Levi. Levi is known for scaring off students with his brutal teaching methods, but in order to become an instructor, he needs to prove that he can hold a student in private lessons. Levi doesn’t want to soften himself in order to get promoted, and Eren doesn’t want to become another cowardly student. Eren plans to become Levi’s first official student. The fat crush he develops on Levi is unplanned, but not entirely unwelcome.

Louder Than Words by TheArtofWar 

WC: 142k+ | EXPLICIT

My boyfriend, Eren Jaeger, disappeared ten days before his seventeenth birthday.

Six months later, he was found again, completely intact save for his mental and emotional scars. Oh, and the fact that he would never be able to speak again.

And so, we all started to rebuild from the debris that had been left in the destruction of our lives.

Love’s a Menace by seaofteeth 

WC: 17k+ | EXPLICIT

“Your favorite customer is here!” Hanji continued and damn them, Levi could practically hear their shit-eating grin. That could only mean one thing.

My Old Friend by mongoose_bite

WC: 12k+ | EXPLICIT

When Levi was a teenager, the unrequited love of his life was Eren, his best friend’s father. Fifteen years later, Levi finds himself back in Whitecrest Cove to sell his late uncle’s house.

Night Drive by shotgunsinlace 

WC: 50k+ | EXPLICIT

Working as a desk clerk for Sina Enterprises isn’t the most grandiose job out there, but it sure beats every other option Eren had jotted down since graduation. Troubled past behind him, Eren strives to make a name for himself by not fucking up the only good thing he has going for him. But when a certain foul-mouthed and dapper executive waltzes through the lobby doors, Eren is more than willing to set aside his “no fraternizing with the higher-ups” rule. However, the engagement ring on Levi’s finger proves to be a deal breaker. It was supposed to be a one night stand, one night to get each other out of their systems, but the two of them bit off more than they could chew.

No Such Thing As Fate by mysecretfanmoments

WC: 52k+ | EXPLICIT

“You forgot,” he said, with a tone of sudden clarity. “Ah. So that’s why you called me captain.”

Reincarnation AU in which Eren and Levi never established a relationship in that other life.

Not All Lips Go Blue by claralikesfood

WC: 35k+ | MATURE

Eren never expected to be here. Never, in his life, he had thought of a situation that would lead him into this. Sure he had had some strange experiences. For example, that one time he ended up wandering in a girl’s underwear shop for almost two hours, before noticing where he was (he even had chosen a pair of panties). This, however, was another level.

The Red Long Johns, Or “Be Sure to Dress in Layers” by shulkie 

WC: 32k+ | MATURE

It’s the week of the yearly Trust Initiative Teen Action Network (T.I.T.A.N.) retreat but this year Levi is left out in the cold when Hanji breaks her leg. To make things worse, Principal Smith gets a replacement chaperone—the new, very green English teacher Eren Jaeger. Levi and Eren butt heads over every little thing from professional to personal. Despite all of this, Levi finds himself distracted by the red long johns the fashion-challenged Eren wears under all of his winter gear and just how to get into them…

Serendipity by seaofteeth {WC: 10k+ | RATING: E}

A Tenuous Third Space by artenon {WC: 13k+ | RATING: T}

Thursday by yaoimage {WC: 38k+ | RATING: T}

Time’s Up by dippthy {WC: 14k+ | RATING: NR}

An Unforgettable Face by ryuusea – WC: 16k+ | EXPLICIT

“Have we met before? I recognize your face…” Levi’s brows furrow, scouring his memory as to why he knows this guy’s face from somewhere.

“Ah, you’ve probably seen one of my videos!”

“Hmm. YouTube?”

“No. Porn.”

Woke Up Dead by PresquePommes {WC: 50k+ | RATING: E}

Yesterday, I Loved You by acidtowns {WC: 14k+ | RATING: G}


CANON VERSE MULTI-CHAPTER (incomplete) -

I Trust You by twisting_vine_x 

WC: 6k+ | EXPLICIT

Later that night, he ends up lying in bed with Levi, the air cool on his skin.

Eren’s already out of his shirt, down to nothing but his pants; but Levi’s in no hurry, it seems. Still has all his clothes on, and is propped up on one elbow, trailing his fingers along Eren’s chest and stomach as Eren lies there on his back and tries his best to not squirm all over, his pants tented obscenely and his fingers twisted in the sheets. He’s flushed pretty much all the way down his neck and chest, at this point. Grits his teeth and tries to think over how hard his heart is beating.

Shit, it’s hard to think when Levi’s looking at him like that.

Inappropriate by the_original_n_chan

WC: 24k+ | EXPLICIT

Eren is trying desperately to figure out what he wants. Levi knows all too well what he wants, and that he probably shouldn’t pursue it. (Make that definitely.) But temptation is a bitch, Levi is far from a saint, and Eren is way too hard to resist.

Mikasa, I’m with Child by NeigeAuSoeil {WC: 99k+ | RATING: E}

This Cruel Yet Beautiful World by fandomesque {WC: 11k+ | RATING: E}


CANON VERSE MULTI-CHAPTER (complete) -

Beyond the Walls by Light_Within_Darkness {WC: 72k+ | RATING: E}

Blackbird by the_ugly_fic_ling

WC: 9k+ | GENERAL

The war is over. Humanity is free…

…except for Levi, whose medical complications lead to an amputation that leaves him feeling trapped, broken, and alone.

And he might have stayed there too, if it hadn’t been for a certain green-eyed soldier who was too stubborn for his own good.

Courting Troubles by Bird_of_Dreams {WC: 10k+ | RATING: T}

Don’t Let Go by twisting_vine_x 

WC: -5k | TEEN

That night, he wakes up – he’s not even sure when he managed to fall asleep – with Eren’s mouth a phantom press against his own, and his hands tangled into the sheets instead of Eren’s hair.

Lies there and pants, his heart slamming in his chest, and then wipes an arm across his eyes, and rolls out of bed. His knees aren’t quite steady and his face is flushed; and he slides on his slippers and wraps his housecoat tight around himself, and then crosses the room to splash some water on his face.

Ends up leaning over the basin with his hands holding tight to the table, doing his best to not look in the mirror, because he really doesn’t like what he sees there.

This is horrible.

Let Me Help by twisting_vine_x {WC: 12k+ | RATING: E}

The Misanthrope by kazuma85 {WC: 25k+ | RATING: E}

A Sound like Breaking Glass by mongoose_bite {WC: 53k+ | RATING: E}

These Weren’t Memories by mongoose_bite {WC: 24k+ | RATING: E}

Trompe-l'oeil by appleapple 

WC: 11k+ | MATURE

He has never minded the bitterness at the bottom of the cup.

Warm Water by KeroseneShowers {WC: 35k+ | RATING: E} 


AU ONESHOTS -

Checkout by carpebagel {WC: -5k | RATING: T}

Cuddling Under the Stars by Bluefxy {WC: -5k | RATING: M}

Embers by residualechoes {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

Five Years by ichogoangel {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

A Nest of Pillows by ErenShorts {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

Nocturnal Baby Dinosaur by Essence {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

Professionalism by Mysecretfanmoments {WC: 5k+ | RATING: T}

The Question Game by suckaknob {WC: -5k | RATING: M}

Titan Onesie by AuroraLovene {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

Tu et Moi by YourShadow {WC: -5k | RATING: T}

Unprofessional by S_N_Sterling {WC: -5k | RATING: T}

You’re Kidding? by Zzxya {WC: 7k+ | RATING: M}

Wings Like Cobwebs by seaofteeth

WC: -5k | TEEN

Eren is an incubus. Levi is asexual. They fall in love anyway.


CANON VERSE ONESHOTS -

Green-Eyed Monster by lunardistance {WC: -5k | RATING: T}

Holiday by appleapple {WC: -5k | RATING: M}

In Which Eren Regrets Trying to Socialize by Aurorealis {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

Incomprehensible by DoomedTemperament (slightly nsfw) {WC: -5k | RATING: M}

Lay with Me, Stay with Me by zhedang

WC: 4k+ | TEEN

Levi had been sleeping with Eren for over a year. Just that: sleeping.

Laundry Duty by idioticintentions {WC: -5k | RATING: T}

On the Rooftop by JaegerBombs {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

Playing Favorites by Ketita 

WC: 6k+ | TEEN

In which Levi seems determined to spoil Eren rotten, whether he likes it or not.

(For the record, Eren hadn’t expected his confession to lead to this sort of thing at all).

Rules of Breeding by milleandra (slightly nsfw) {WC: -5k | RATING: M}

Taking Flight by ilydaa {WC: -5k | RATING: G}

Ten Kisses by kittenprince (slightly nsfw) {WC: 8k+ | RATING: M}

Until the End of the World by noero  (slightly nsfw) {WC: -5k | RATING: M}

Want by artenon

WC: -5k | MATURE

Eren sits on the edge of the bed. Levi waits for him to lie down next to him so they can sleep, but Eren just continues to stare at the floor. He looks like he’s working up the nerve to say something, so Levi waits patiently, and sure enough, Eren turns to him a minute later and opens his mouth.

“Have you ever thought about sex?”


SMUT ONESHOTS 
WELL-WRITTEN SMUT ONESHOTS -

Always Taking Care of Me by twisting_vine_x 

WC: -5k | CANON

Levi should have never taught Eren how to fuck.

Ambrosia by Missmurder {WC: 6k+ | AU}

As Gentlemen by XoxStrifexoX {WC: 7k+ | AU}

Barley Legal by CuddleFuddle {WC: -5k | CANON}

Black Gloves by ryuusea 

WC 5k+ | AU

Levi gets no warning, just a jerk of Eren’s head and a glimmer of pearly whites before he feels teeth sink into the index finger and thumb of his gloved hand.

Blue Silence by loveatfirstsight {WC: 6k+ | AU}

Body Choreography by kirakiracats {WC: 6k+ | AU}

Call the Shots, Babe by MildlyMoonstruck {WC: -5k | AU}

Christening the Kitchen by JaegerBombs {WC: -5k | AU}

A Commander By Any Other Name by shotgunsinlace 

WC: 5k+ | CANON

Rising in the chain of command normally isn’t something worth celebrating, but after a division-wide toast that triggers a foreign sense of merriment in him, Levi isn’t above getting his hands a little dirty. Lucky for him, Eren’s been waiting for this night for the last six years.

Come Closer by noero 

WC: 6k+ | CANON

Completing the Hunt by murakamism  

WC: -5k | CANON

Levi marks him, over and over and then over the same spots, wishing that they would stay past morning. He’s mine, Levi thinks, and growls at the thought of others not knowing.

Countdown by Opulence {WC: 16k+ | AU}

Do, Pretty Boy, Don’t Think by erenjaegrr {WC: -5k | CANON}

Don’t Worry, I’m Weak to You by myoue {WC: 6k+ | AU}

An Exercise in Self-Restraint by kirakiracats 

WC: 10k+ | AU

Levi moves away from the only town he’s ever known, off to university and away from his two friends, Isabel and Farlan. Having roommates is a new experience, one that he thinks will be totally unpleasant, but when the last person to turn up is a gorgeous male omega, his perspective changes.

Unfortunately for him, it’s bad practice to fuck your flatmate. Levi has a tough year ahead.

Fragile by noero {WC: 8k+ | CANON}

Good Enough to Eat by kirakiracats 

WC: -5k | AU

Eren has a new kink that he wants to try, and if Levi had actually been paying attention and not been so sarcastic when they were discussing it then he probably would’ve seen this coming a lot sooner.

Good Little Corporal by erenjaegrrr 

WC: -5k | CANON

Levi wants Eren to fuck him, hard. Eren accepts the challenge.

Hang-Ups by freshia {WC: -5k | AU}

How We Love by Pinkfxy {WC: -5k | AU}

I Don’t Mind Dying if It’s You by PorcelainBlue {WC: -5k | CANON}

If We Should Happen by Resmiranda {6k+ | CANON}

Interesting (Falling Deeper In Love) by TheSketch {WC: -5k | AU}

Interruptions by FoxofNineTails {WC: -5k | CANON}

Juicy Couture by shotgunsinlace {WC: 5k+ | AU}

Kissed by Fire by gayofthrones 

WC: -5k | AU

A Saturday afternoon between the sheets.

Knot a Word by shotgunsinlace 

WC: -5k | CANON

Hanji had warned him that, sooner or later, some biological quirk would be bound to show up in titan shifters. Of all the possibilities, Levi had never expected for this to actually be it.

Last Customer by mongoose_bite {WC: 5k+ | CANON} 

Late Bloomer by shotgunsinlace {WC: 5k+ | CANON}

Making a Mess by ryuusea {WC: -5k | CANON}

Morning Snack by ackermvn {WC: -5k | AU}

Nape by ryuusea 

WC: -5k | CANON

Levi wonders if it is ironic or just pure coincidence that Eren’s weakest spot is the back of his neck. He licks one, two stripes across that exposed nape, then another up, then down, reveling in how this always turns Eren into a keening mess in his arms.

No Rest for the Wicked by Azshalade 

WC: 8k+ | CANON

Levi just wants a good night’s sleep but you can’t always get what you want.

Open Book by morphemes 

WC: 8k+ | CANON

Eren has always thought Levi couldn’t express any sort of emotion, let alone show it, but, after Levi ignores him for three whole days and Eren demands an explanation, he’s led into a whole variety of emotions regarding his corporal.

Ousama Game by shiroyasha {WC: 8+ | CANON}

Power Struggle by erenjaegrrr {WC: -5k | CANON}

Quarter to Five by gayofthrones

WC: -5k | AU

I can barely breathe when you’re here loving me.

Salt on Your Skin by kirakiracats 

WC: 11k | AU

When people ask Levi about how his summer holiday went, he’ll say ordinary things about the weather, the food, and the hotel. But actually, the first thing that comes to his mind, and the one story he’ll never tell, is how Eren had been a horny little shit at the beach.

And Levi had gone along with it.

Surprises by mitsukoooo {WC: -5k | AU}

There’s a First Time for Everything by kiokushitaka {WC: -5k | CANON}

Until the Mountains Crumble to the Sea by ohheichoumyheichou {WC: -5k | CANON}

Yellow Wall by Trick_Fantasy {WC: 9k+ | AU}

Please note that the length of some of the multichapter fics is obviously going to change (same thing goes for the ratings). So, please don’t hold me to these word counts. Also, more fics may be added, because I am positive I have forgotten some. I sincerely hope this sates all of your ereri fanfic needs, because this took forFUCKINGever. And, what are art skillz bc look at my shit drawing omfg ahahhahahahahah.

Enjoy ~

★ lvtvr’s long-winded writing advice ★

Heyo. I’m Charlie and I write. You may know me for my Keith/Lance fanfics. I don’t know if it helps my credibility, but I have articles in print that I’ve been paid to produce, I’ve translated and proofread four novels, and I’ve been writing off and on for nearly eighteen years. I’m not perfect, I’m not a master, but I do know what I’m doing. So if you write too, and you want to get better, here are some of the things I’ve learned.

Less is more.

You know the quote “Blood orange? Shut up, it’s fucking red.” Remember this while you’re writing. If you’ve ever seen one of those “100 synonyms for ‘said’ to use while writing :)” lists, here’s what to do with it: burn it. No one utters or opines or verbalizes shit. They fucking say it.

Basically: use vocabulary that you know. Turn to big fancy words if you are certain that they’re the best way to express the nuance you’re going for, but avoid them if you’re only using them to make your prose more “interesting.” Don’t worry about sounding a little repetitive. Sounding pretentious or like someone who hangs out too much on Thesaurus.com is a lot worse.

Remember your whole body.

Ever read writing that punches you in the gut and makes you feel things? Ever aspired to create something like that yourself? Well, the key to doing it is to remember the body. Stay aware of the fact that we exist in the world as messy 3D beings made of blood and meat and emotion. 

It’s natural for most people to start with visual impressions and describe what things look like, but your writing won’t start to come alive until you also begin describing what they feel like, smell like, taste like. The five senses are a cheesy but effective checklist. Throw in sounds, smells, and body sensations alongside the visual aspect.

This goes for emotion, too. If your character is sad, think back to what you felt like when you were sad. Heavy gut? Rain clouds in your head? Tears pricking at the backs of your eyes, but never quite falling? All that is a lot more interesting than simply saying “they were sad.”

For the love of God, never type “Hello.” He said.

This falls under the general umbrella of using correct grammar (which you should!), but I feel the need to point this particular faux pas out because a) it’s soooo common for people to do this, and b) I can’t stand it. This is the type of persistent mistake that actively interferes with the flow of the writing for me as a reader. I don’t care if some big-name fic author does it or if you’ve seen a million others do it – you’ll never find it in a professionally proofread and edited book. Because, at the end of the day, it’s wrong.

Compare these two examples:

“This sucks.” She sighed.
“This sucks,” she sighed.

In the first example, she says the words first, and sighs afterward. In the second, she’s sighing the words. Simple difference. If the action is directly related to how the dialogue is being conveyed, it should come attached to the dialogue. If the action and dialogue are separate, separate them. Throwing in a bunch of loose, orphaned “He said” clauses is choppy and incorrect and pisses me off to an irrational degree. Please, please avoid this. I’m begging you on my hands and knees.

Focus your characterization.

Keeping characters in character is one of the biggest challenges of writing. I find that an easy way to stay on track is to summarize the character’s way of reacting to the world in one or two simple sentences, and when you’re not sure what they would say or do, try to keep it in line with that basic conception. 

For example, I’ve characterized Keith from Voltron as someone who “feels things very strongly and honestly, but has trouble putting his emotions into words.” My Hunk is “prone to gossip, but has a heart of gold and the strongest sense of justice you ever saw.” I keep this minimalist notion of a character at the front of my mind when I write them, and it usually helps them stay themselves.

Try to keep it general, though. “Passionate about food,” “flirts a lot,” or “in love with Mothman” aren’t basic personalities, they’re character traits. They don’t tell us anything about how someone will act in a given situation, and make for poor, flat characterization.

Write what you want to read.

No, really. I know that the urge to pander is strong, as is the desire to give the people what they want. But you’re people, too. Give yourself what you want. Is this hard? You bet. But it’s worth it when someone tells you “God, reading this is so refreshing. I’m so glad it wasn’t exactly like everything else.”

Voltron-specific stuff incoming here, but I feel like it’s important. Listen. Don’t write a fic where Keith and Lance have one (1) drawn-out argument before falling in hapless, sappy love, where Keith and Shiro are brothers and Hunk and Pidge are the Hilarious Meme Sidekicks, just because you feel like you have to. If you’re really passionate about that scenario, then by all means write it, but don’t do it because you’re afraid that’s all people are going to want to read. It’s not true. More likely than not, they’re sick of reading the same fic for the millionth time, and they’d love to see your take on things.

Remember: Fanon isn’t the law. Not even canon is the law. Follow your kokoro. Go weird places. You do you. I will be cheering you on.


Kudos to you if you read this entire mess. I hope it could be of some help. Now go write! I believe in you, friendo.

NCT 127 & Hansol reaction to having an innocent, virgin GF/BF but being horny themselves

MASTERLIST

Anon: heYO HEYO WASSUP um well could you write a nct reaction (+ JI FKUCING HANSOL CAUSE THIS BOI NEEDS MORE LOVE ((and I know that not only the two of us are thirsty for him hue hue))) where their gf/bf is super innocent and a total virgin but they’re horny (the member lol)? also,,, bLESS YOUR HANSOL SCENARIOS AND YOUR ENTIRE BLOG IN GENERAL ILUBCHU

I’m actually so upset with how this came out :-( I thought it wasn’t going well and then I re-read it and was like, what kind of garbage have I just produced???🤧I’ll probably come back to edit this when I’ve had a bit of experience in this field lmao i mean i’m already half way there anyway lmfao

But yeah, this was a difficult request to do to be honest, I really have no idea how anyone would react but oh well😂

This obviously excludes Mark and Haechan❤️

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hi, i’m gonna show you how i coloured the training scene gifs from this gifset bcs i know it’s a god damn struggle to get that stupid magenta red blue out of Magnus face and i know this may not be the perfect colouring for it yet but!!! i want to share it with you guys!! 

i’ll show you how to go from this

to this!

the tutorial is under the cut :) 

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interview | cole sprouse x reader

Originally posted by dylanobrienbaby

request

written by: yours truly

edited by: @jugheadxreaderinyourhead

anonymous said: I loved guest star!! 😍 I was wondering if you could make a fic about cole how youve been keeping your relationship for months now and fans are suspecting that youre dating because of all the bts and photos of you and his ig and in one interview that youre having together someone questions you guys about it. sorry if this was long 😂 i love your fics 😘❤

a/n: basically this is another guest star part but an interview!

“god i’m so nervous”. you mutter pulling on your fingers as you wait in the green room with your boyfriend cole and co-star kj. we were about to endure a joint interview and it was your first lot of press you’ve done for riverdale.

but it wasn’t that factor that made you nervous, it was that people were becoming more and more aware of your romantic relationship with cole.

you’d been able to keep it under wraps for the whole two years you’ve been dating but now that you were both sharing the small screen people had caught on.

so you had to control yourselves whenever you were out. refraining yourselves from snap chatting each other or posting photos all over your instagrams.

you had to be strictly platonic. you didn’t need any sort of bad press if you two were to break up. so for now you weren’t a couple, you were just a couple of besties.

or atleast that’s what you thought. you thought were pulling it off. but more and more accounts for your ‘ship name’ with cole had popped up on both twitter and instagram and not to mention the constant questions when meeting fans in the flesh.

especially when they caught you out mid-date. when you two had to coyly pretend that you were waiting on other friends to excuse the fact that you were out together without the rest of the cast.

and to be quite frank you were getting sick of all the pretending and running around. sometimes you just wanted kiss your boyfriend or hold his hand whilst you walked down the streets.

not that you really had the opportunity to take a leisurely stroll down the road, being famous disney stars and all.

“you’ll be fine”, cole whispers walking toward you making sure no one was staring at the two of you. he placed a soft hand on your shoulder, instantly filling you with comfort.

“just breathe okay? if they ask don’t say yes but don’t say no, yeah? that way we aren’t lying or avoiding the question” you nod smiling to the boy as a young women calls you over to the interview room.

the three of you file in, sitting down on a huge plush couch, each boy on either side of you as the interviewer sits in her own seperate lounge chair.

the interviewer starts her intro off strong turning toward the three of you. “kj apa as archie andrews, y/n l/n as c/n c/l/n and cole sprouse as jughead jones on the cw’s riverdale!”

the three of you all smile greeting the interviewer, and the camera crew, as you settle into the interview, talking about the upcoming season and possible plot.

you were too busy worrying to even pay attention to half the stuff that was spewing from the ladies mouth, that you barely noticed her turn to you and begin to engage in conversation until kj smoothly nudged you.

patting down your dress you push your hair off your shoulder as she addressed you directly.

“so how is it for you to go from disney to the darker side of the cw?”

“i mean it’s a lot different to disney i’ll tell you that”. you pause the group laughing to themselves “i didn’t even really think i’d be coming back to acting but i couldn’t resist the role”.

she nods playing with the cards in her palms. “so anything in particular that’s vastly different?”

“well - it’s still directed for the younger generation but i feel like in disney it was more so for the children than the preteens for example…and the content we’re filming is a lot heavier than the stuff we dealt with on y/d/s but it’s also just as fun and exciting as i remember”.

“so you and cole -” you freeze at the mention of him, “both disney kids coming back to acting. kj what was it like to know that you were working with some of the greatest names in disney?”

you breathe a sigh of relief taking a sip from the glass of water on the table as you listen to kj rattle on about how much he adored cole and dylan.

“both of their shows i watched religiously. me and my mates used to love it aye. especially y/d/s with uh y/n we loved her a lot - im pretty sure one of my mates had a poster of her”.

you blush giggling to yourself. “so you had a crush on y/n?” the interviewer laughs, kj turning red at the words. you continue laughing placing a hand around his arm.

“aw kj!!!” you swoon embarrassing him further. cole joined in on the fun, “yeah he was a big fan we kinda had to push him a bit and be like ’hey buddy“.

kj shakes his head furiously to the camera his words rushing out in defence “nah nah nah”. sending you and cole into a laughing fit as the kiwi struggled to cover up his words.

“i mean i was a fan. like who wasn’t aye, but nah it’s a lot of fun filming with them and we all are good friends with the others too. but ugh yeah- it’s hard to go out anywhere because fans notice them from a mile away”

the interviewer laughs “wait people still notice you as your disney characters?” we both nod cole taking the lead.

“i mean it’s very flattering but as you can see im not the same kid with the blonde shaggy bowl cut so sometimes i question how they’d recognise me- especially from friends”.

you smile the interviewer looking to you for input “what about you?”

you nod leaning back slightly into the couch feeling coles arm against the top of the couch.

“they do yes, i go anywhere and they all yell ”c/n“ and sometimes i just forget and then they’re running and i’m running and then they’re screaming and i’m screaming”.

the room started to laugh.

“it’s a very weird situation” you giggle the interviewer cutting in.

“and you looking nothin like that girl anymore- you look amazing!”

you place a hand over your heart in awe “thank god for that” you joke poking fun at yourself. “i grew up and hit puberty and sometimes when i hear someone say ’hey you look like that girl off y/d/s? i’m like damn i must be having a rough day”.

the interviewer giggles “oh don’t be so hard on yourself- doesn’t she look hot now boys?” she slaps kj’s leg and they both nod.

“god yeah she’s come along way from disney-even though i still had a crush on c/n”, cole comments a smile growing on your face at the compliment.

“so are you all single?”

your heart plummets at the question. the dreaded question for anyone in the industry is asked whenever they are in one or aren’t. no one wants to be asked this question ever.

cole answers first surprising you “i’m not no”.

“i am” kj chirps taking a long drink from his water.

“i’m not either” you clear your throat smiling, refusing to make eye contact with cole.

the interviewer smirks knowing she got the answer you wanted “oh so you two are off the market”. she pretends to act surprised “well who are they”.

cole replies cutely “for us to know and you to never find out- all you need to know is she’s beautiful and one of a kind”.

you fight off the blush tinting on your cheeks as the interviewer wraps up the interview.

“one last question before you guys leave- serpent jughead? yes or no?”

“yes yes yes” you stammer feeling confident. “have you seen jughead in a leather jacket? serpent jughead is the best thing to come out of riverdale”.

cole blushes and the interview is officially over. cole’s manager walking over to escort us back to our green room.

“i think you might have just outed us” he teases walking dangerously close to you, his hot breathe on your neck.

“what can i say- serpent juggie just does some indescribable things to me”.

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