i know our relationship was not healthy

My speciality in life is the analysis of fictional relationships that I can only hope for.

First of all, Makkachin gave me a heart-attack last week so look at him all healthy and so excited to see Yuuri.  We also know that this was a phenomenal episode when #savemakkachin2k16 wasn’t the first thing on our minds as I make him the first thing on this post.

Sliding over from Makkachin’s adorable face is Viktor’s tired one. This is a man who just came back from roughly 20 hours of flight time with probably minimal sleep because on the way to Japan he’d been concerned about Makkachin and back to Russia he was worried about how Yuuri was going to do without him.  This was the first time since he became Yuuri’s coach that he left him to go out there alone.  He asked Yakov to step in but we all know that Yuuri’s life energy and drive is almost entirely dependent on how much Viktor he’s getting.  Viktor’s face is one of tiredness, worry, and he’s been thinking a lot of how he can be a better coach to Yuuri.  

They both run to each other immediately.  It’s like episode 7 all over again but this time they don’t meet on the ground in a beautiful kiss.  There’s a certain desperation in each others’ eyes that makes this even more intimate.  They only see each other even when the entire world is staring.

This is obviously not some normal, casual student-coach relationship.  This is two people who are entirely in love with each other.  They’ve been apart for less than 24 hours and they crave the touch of the other so much.  I’m crying someone hold me like Viktor holds Yuuri.

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Like the litteral moral of Yuri!!! on Ice is : sacrificing your self for others is unhealthy and toxic as fuck, don’t do it ! 

And that’s so beautiful because everytime Yuuri tried to self-sabotage under the disguise of “nobly sacrificing himself because he’s not worth it anyway”, Victor came out with a big sign saying “NO”

This whoel relationship was like a big punch in the face of all the “I am only my romantic relationship” it was amazing. 

So people, enjoy your romantic relationships, enjoy the joys and fight through the sads. But never ever ever let it become the only thing you are. Nor expect it to be the only thing your partner should be.

Yuuri litterally tried to Icarus his way back into his ivory tower before finally realising that he had a real human being in front of him and that he deserved to be considered as one and not as a fear or a fantasy.

When you’re in a relationship there’s two people. Don’t forget yourself in it and don’t forget your partner in it.

How Do I Make My Relationship Great?

No relationship is perfect all the time; it takes effort. There are many things you can do to help build a healthy relationship, but you can’t do it alone.

Here are our top 10 tips for a healthier relationship:

  1. Love yourself. You’ll be a happier partner. Know your own strengths and be proud of them. Take care of yourself, including your emotional health.
  2. Share your feelings and listen to your partner’s. If you’re upset or concerned, talk about it. Working through difficult situations builds trust and helps make relationships stronger.
  3. Be honest and expect honesty. Be truthful about what you do, think, and feel.
  4. If you want to know what’s on your partner’s mind, ask. Be ready to listen to what they have to say, and don’t assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
  5. Spend time on your own and encourage your partner to do the same. Sometimes people think true love means spending all of your time together. But it’s actually healthier to spend some of your time with different people. That way you can grow as individuals, and have meaningful relationships with friends and family too.
  6. It’s OK to have disagreements. Partners often have different desires, opinions, and ideas. Everyone has the right to think differently. Make sure you respect each other’s unique points of view.
  7. Forgive. Even in a healthy relationship, no one’s perfect — making mistakes is a normal part of life. Apologizing and forgiving helps you move on, and holding grudges isn’t healthy.
  8. Help your partner(s) feel good about themselves and expect the same in return. Acknowledge each other’s efforts and accomplishments.
  9. Talk openly and honestly about sex. This is the only way your partner(s) will know what’s comfortable for you and what gives you pleasure. Make sure you have each other’s consent every time, and never pressure, guilt-trip, or pester.
  10. Take care of your sexual health. In a healthy relationship, partners protect each other’s sexual health. Getting tested for STDs and having safer sex are important. Make an appointment at your local Planned Parenthood health center to get birth control and/or STD testing.

I said this yesterday, I’m saying it now and I will say it tomorrow. Even if Kara was given a real footage of Lena breaking Metallo out of prison, she would literally still fight for Lena because she just knows Lena is innocent; an angel sent from heaven, despite everyone telling her otherwise. The fact that the writers are still sleeping on the potential to develop their relationship (that is based on trust and care) into something more and healthy because we already have our one (1) token gay couple is beyond homophobic.

ok honestly being in a healthy & loving relationship is so weird? in a good way! my gf being proud of being w/ me & wanting to show me off to people she knows is so WEIRD b/c i’ve never been in a relationship before where the other person has looked @ me & been like “yes!!! i’m so happy to date them!!! they’re beautiful!!! i want everyone to know!!! we are dating!!!” especially w/ people they know? wanting people they know to know we’re together? that’s…….. a lot. i get confused & frazzled about it b/c i never thought that was s/t i was allowed to have. be a part of. blep

I don’t want unconditional love.

I want love that’s conditional on being good to one another, and good to other people, and being happier together than we would be apart.

I want love where everyone has healthy boundaries.

I want love where we call each other out if we’re being jerks.

I want love where we give and receive those call-outs compassionately and humbly.

I want love where we bring out the best in each other. 

I want love where we know we can change our relationship if we aren’t bringing out the best in each other – whether that means restructuring our relationship, or ending it. 

This isn’t a defeatist attitude. I don’t expect my relationships to end – but I need to know that my partners won’t put up with absolutely anything from me, and I need them to know that I won’t put up with absolutely anything from them. The only way I can be confident in that is knowing that we’re all willing to walk away if it comes down to it. That doesn’t mean it will necessarily ever happen, but it’s the way, paradoxically, I can feel most confident about my relationships. We’re together because we are good to each other, right now, as we were yesterday, and as we plan to be tomorrow.

I don’t want unconditional love. I want robust love with reasonable conditions.

My anchor boyfriend and I started dating over a year ago but over the past 6-8 months we’ve been fighting almost every day, usually because of his jealousy or passive aggressiveness. Recently I’m constantly walking on eggshells to avoid an argument, and over half of our plans end in him getting angry. I know some fights/jealousy is inevitable but I need someone to tell me that fighting that much isn’t healthy and that I’m not crazy for feeling like I deserve less chaos in my relationship

Fighting that much is not healthy.

You are not crazy.

You deserve less chaos in your relationship.

“Walking on eggshells” is a miserable place to be and will wear you down. Long-term anxiety from a bad relationship can destroy your physical health, your relationships with family and friends, and can even impact your career and finances.

Do not feel guilty or ashamed for needing to walk away from a situation that makes you unhappy.

You are not obligated to stay in a relationship that isn’t working for you.

If you need help leaving this relationship, talk to a therapist! That’s what they’re there for - they are Feelings Experts who can walk you through a tough situation. Just like you’d hire a lawyer if you got arrested, or a doctor if you got sick.

You can do this! Get out of there! His behavior and his feelings are not your responsibility. You deserve to be in a place with less fear, less anxiety, less fighting. 

a-drop-of-darkness  asked:

Just wanted to say thank you for being you. You and ETD are the only example of a healthy relationship I know of. I hope you feel better!

Ach, on the one hand I feel that is very sad and I’m sorry, but on the other, thank you.

We work very hard at our relationship and I’m glad some of the rewards of that show. We enjoy each other’s company a lot, most of the time :p

We still piss each other off and say and do insensitive things but we always try to resolve them quickly once we’re aware of it. I grew up in a household which was incredibly unhappy because no one would talk to each other about things until it was too late. I never wanted that for my marriage.

4 years in and some ten years overall togetherness we seem to be doing okay :)

Of course it helps we’re both the right kind of weird for each other too. I can’t imagine growing old and eldritch with anyone else

You know what I can’t wait for? Starting a family together. Our pets, our children, coming home to you after a long day at work. That’s what all this waiting is for; your hand in marriage and a long, healthy, happy future as a family.
—  Our LDR

As many of you know, I am smitten with Richonne. I know that no television relationship will ever match the beauty and stereotype-defying complexity of Richonne. Never. But, as I was sitting here reading through the various posts provided by Richonners I realized YOU ALL, the RICHONNERS, DESERVE a LOVE letter!

One can try to claim that my admiration of Richonners is biased, be it that I am a Richonner myself. However, I argue against such a claim with proof. The proof of Richonner brilliance lives in our posts, our metas, our analyses. In this fandom I have found intelligent, gorgeous, open-minded beauties who know and recognize true, healthy love. Richonners can see Michonne’s stunning beauty and see how she is the perfect woman for Rick. Richonners SEE how Rick Grimes truly SEES Michonne–sees her strength, dignity and regal beauty. Richonners understand why Danai is a true role model and should be for girls across the world. Richonners understand how special Andrew (and his mom) is for understanding that Rick and Michonne belonged together in light of and despite melanin and difference of skin color.

Each of YOU do the math and the SCIENCE and provide GIFs that break down the development and glorious nuance of our OTP.

YOU. Yes, YOU, lovely, beautiful Richonner, are a gift and a blessing to me, to this world. Keep on keepin’ on…and remember Richonne is NEVER going anywhere. The two great warrior lovers are here to stay. And, I’m down for sharing my gravesite with any of you who continue to die alongside me because of Richonne’s powerful, escalating WONDER and BEAUTY.

This is just a shout out to my Christian brothers and sisters who are struggling with the faith, the Bible, the lifestyle, and culture of Christianity, especially American Christianity. As someone who is going through this, I know for a fact how lonely it can be, especially if you’ve always surround yourself with Christian friends and have a Christian family, etc. But I just want you all to know that a) it’s 100% healthy and okay that you’re struggling and questioning things, and b) you’re not alone. If we don’t question what we believe or try to deconstruct it at least once in our lives, then are we really leading a healthy relationship with Christ and with God? It’s like being in a relationship with someone where you never work on being improving aspects of the relationship or working on other areas. Simply praising someone or asking for help does not create a solid foundation.

I’d encourage you to do lots and lots of research. That’s where I’m at right now. Also, make sure to keep your heart and mind humble and open. Anger is good, born make sure it doesn’t develop into resentment or bitterness. Open dialogue with various people from various backgrounds. Meditate on this. Keep an open dialogue with God, and allow him space to fill and reach you. Read scriptures from other spiritualities and religions. Compare, contrast. Think critically. But also, have patience. Have patience with yourself, your journey, but also with the world around you. Remember to empathize and show grace. This road maybe a long, winding one, but it’s important, it’s crucial. And you’re not going about it alone. You’re going to be alright.

anonymous asked:

You seem to interpret Spike much differently than I do! Of course, that's the fun of enjoying his character :) Did you think their was any possible chance that Spike could offer a healthy relationship to Buffy while soulless? Because while I get that Spike is supposed to be "evil", he also seems to get what Buffy needs a lot of the time. I personally found it difficult to understand how he went from "I know you'll never love me" to insisting that Buffy does. Was that lin manipulative or genuine?

Thank you, Anon, for being so civil about our disagreement regarding Spike. I honestly appreciate it! That’s how one does fandom right! 

Tbh, even though I am and forever will be Spuffy trash, I don’t really think Spike could’ve had a healthy relationship with Buffy while soulless, as much as I would love to feel otherwise. It’s not that Spike is supposed to be evil, he is evil by definition. He is a vampire, a demon soul inhabiting a formerly human body. Yes, Spike seems to be much more in touch with his humanity than most vampires, but it always seems to be the “darkest” side of humanity since all his actions are motivated by selfishness and the need to satisfy his own desires. He does show emotion and empathy occasionally, but I wouldn’t exactly say he gets what Buffy needs. He has the vantage point of the outsider, and he’s definitely quite observant and insightful - not only when it comes to Buffy but as regards pretty much everyone. So yeah, he definitely reads Buffy quite well, and at the beginning that helped him get to her when no one else was seeing through her and understanding what she was going through. Later on, however, he pretended to be reading her and getting her when in reality what he was doing was feeding her lines so that he could keep her to himself (”you came back wrong” - “you belong with me, in the darkness”) 

When it comes to Spike going from “I know you’ll never love me” to insisting Buffy did love him, well, that’s literally his M.O because that’s the twisted concept of love he learned as a vampire. You need to remember that he only knew “love” as a vampire, and it was always associated with pain, torture, manipulation and mind games.

Drusilla: “We can love quite well, if not wisely.”

Spike: “If I want Dru back, I just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I’m gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I’ll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again.

We need to remember that no soul = no moral compass. There’s no sense of good and evil, and every action is to cater to their own primal needs. I don’t think it’s possible for a vampire to love in a healthy, selfless way without a soul. 

walks with EXO #8: krisho
  • kris: what are you doing? making your life a shit again?
  • suho: kris, i know we are not married anymore, but for our kids, we should try a healthy relationship, where we can speak ourselves out and be friends without being afraid of anything.
  • kris: i know where baekhyun learned this things to say to sehun now. i don't wanna be friends anymore.
  • suho: what? not even for the kids?
  • kris: i wanna get back. to you.
  • suho:
  • suho:
  • suho:
  • suho:
  • suho:
  • exo: *appears out of nowhere. kai appears from teleport with bags from china. they all go away with judging looks towards kris. luhan is strangely with a fish and seaweed in his hair. sehun apologizes countless for him*
  • kris: what the fuck i just wanted to back to make music with exo. she has Always been crazy

anonymous asked:

So I know your obvious answer to "my boyfriend wants kids and I dont" is "dump his ass" but we've been in a very healthy 11years long relationship and I also think it's because we're reaching our 30-years-old crisis that he brought it up. And while ready to stand my grounds I'm also willing to hear his arguments out ; but I still can't help thinking one will be made miserable by whatever outcome we decide on. Sorry this isnt really a question I just needed to talk.

I’m so sorry you’re suffering - I know eleven years seems like a lot of time to let go of. And I know this must feel like an enormous issue to come down to such an apparently simple choice: ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Those choices are always the hardest to make.

I won’t try and tell you it doesn’t matter, because you know that it does. At the same time, I’m not going to patronise you by saying it’s important. You know that already, too. 

And of course, nobody can make this choice for you.

Instead of telling you things, what I’ll do is draw your attention to things you’ve told me. They sound like the things you quite want someone else’s voice to say to you.

I still can’t help thinking one will be made miserable by whatever outcome we decide on.

My grandma has a fridge magnet that says: “Into every life, a little rain must fall.” It’s not possible to live wholly without regret. I’ve found that regret is always, always a lighter burden if you can tell yourself, beyond doubt, that you made the best decision you could at the time. You thought it through; you made lists. You worked out what you might lose and what you might gain. You researched it and rehearsed it and considered it as fully as you could. You took a deep breath, looked at two kinds of sadness, told yourself that you must walk onwards into your life with one of them, and you chose which kind of rain you wished to fall.

Then if it hurts, you can let it hurt. You can grieve, you can mourn, and you can move on, knowing it is your hurt and you chose it. There is a strange comfort in that. It’s easier to deal with something you opted to face, based on all the knowledge you had available at the time, than something brought about by someone else.

I also think it’s because we’re reaching our 30-years-old crisis that he brought it up.

How are you managing with ‘the big thirty’? Has he asked? You’ve called it ‘our’ crisis, but I don’t know if this problem has come about because of you.

If he hadn’t hit this crisis, would you have been happy to continue as you were?

Things will also differ depending on if this is a sudden change in opinion for him, or if it’s been an issue for a long time. If he’s discussing these things suddenly out of nowhere, and had previously been content with the idea of a life without children, then there’s a chance this might be related to wider issues of “where is my life going” - it’s a symptom, not so much a cause. Everyone panics when big choices have to be made. That’s fine. The anxiety will ease in time, and maybe he’ll regain some clarity - take a year, if you need to, or even two or three - then you’ll get a clearer idea of whether he wants to have children, or whether he fears not having them. (Very different things.)

But… if he’s always been openly intent on having children, or you’ve at least spotted red flags in the past, this is unlikely to be a panicked response to thirty that will pass on its own.

Eleven years is a long time. The chances are that both of you have changed, subtly, in that time. It’s a strange question, and it might take you a while to reach an honest answer - but if you were both still single, and you met him in a bar for the first time, tonight, how would you feel? What kind of future would you envision?

Sorry this isnt really a question I just needed to talk.

It’s okay - obviously, the person you need to talk to is him. But I know that might be a daunting prospect.

My practical advice here would be to take some time to think - a year or two won’t make a difference, not when you’re considered the rest of your lives. 

During that time, keep a journal. It doesn’t have to be a daily thing. Just once a month maybe, sit down with yourself and a pen and a free hour, and just write what you think. If you can’t bear paragraphs, bullet point it. Talk to him, ask what he’s thinking, and try to make a record of that too. 

This will make it easier to track patterns. 

You’ll be able to see which of you might be more comfortable with adapting - if this is a case of “absolutely not” and “maybe”, or perhaps “definitely yes” and “maybe”. That will suggest which way you might want to lean, as a couple.

At the same time, if you discover (or you already know) that this is a case of “definitely” and “definitely not”, your journal can help you with that too. I’ve found that my journal can lead me safely and quietly to conclusions I couldn’t otherwise bear to face, step-by-step, and then guide me through dealing with those conclusions.

If he struggles to talk about these things, you could ask him to put it down in a letter - even an e-mail - and he might tell you things that he can’t bring himself to voice. 

Whether they will be reassuring things or not, I can’t guarantee - but at least you will know them. Then you can make an informed, deeply-considered choice, which will do so much to help ease any grief or regret.

If you find you can’t really talk about whether to have children, it might be worth bearing in mind that raising children will involve a lot of choices to be made… choices you’ll have to talk about. If you can’t agree on whether they should exist or not, how hard will it be to decide what school they go to, what they eat, how often you see each set of grandparents, whether they can have a mobile phone at age eleven?

For right now, you might find it helpful to make two lists. Firstly, take a piece of paper and write “I would be happy as a parent if…” - complete the sentence. Maybe you’d want two nights off a week for yourself, or you can still work part-time, or you move nearer to your parents. Do that twenty times, starting each entry with “I would be happy as a parent if…”, listing what might make it seem alright.

Then, make the other list: “I would be unhappy as a parent if…” - if you ended up as a single parent? If your child had special needs and you felt unsupported? If you never got to see Mexico? Only you’ll know these things. Write whatever is true, and don’t skip the ones that hurt or frighten you the most. Put them down. They’re the most important. (At the same time, don’t skip something just because it seems petty. I’d be unhappy as a parent if I was covered in vomit all the time. It’s still a good reason.)

You might want to remake these lists as the months go by, and you might find that parts of them change.

They’re not meant to provide an easy answer, and it’s not a list of conditions you’re meant to hand to him, then have him sign at the bottom to promise. It’s more a way to expand your thoughts. 

Could you trust that most of the ‘happy’ conditions would be met? Could you cope if some of the ‘unhappy’ conditions came to pass? If you can trust in only 4 out of 20 happy conditions, and you feel like you couldn’t cope if more than 10 of those unhappy things came to be, that’s something to think about - of course, the reverse is also true.

I’d also recommend some hands-on experience of babies and children for you. See if there is a relative or good friend who would like a night-off to go to the cinema, while you mind (some might say ‘practice with’) their little one. 

Ideally, don’t do this with your boyfriend - you’re not trying to set up a romantic “See? Wouldn’t this be nice?” experience for both of you. Instead, find out if you can genuinely be comfortable looking after someone small. Approach your friends who are parents with open arms and say, “Please, show me - show me the worst, show me the best.” Ask them if you can tag along grocery shopping, or going to football practice, or visiting the museum at the weekend - whatever it is. (If you can’t bear the thought of giving up your free time to gain this experience, think quite hard about that.)

I wish I could give you a really easy answer to all this, but you’re right - “dump his ass” doesn’t cut it. 

You’re an adult with your whole life ahead of you, and you want to make the best choice for yourself.

I applaud you for that - I mean it. So many people don’t think. So many people lurch blindly into huge life choices without realising they’re choices, but you’re thinking about what’s best for you. That means you’re in the best possible hands: your own.

My final advice. 

Obviously this will be biased somewhat; but something in your mind has nudged you to ask me, not Mumsnet - even though you knew what my advice would likely be.

If you decide, on this uncertain issue, that you will lean towards what he thinks - please, please only do so if you are sure, deep down in your heart, that as you proceed forwards with this choice you have made together, he will in future lean towards what you think. Please don’t lock yourself into a life with someone who believes your wishes can always be over-ridden. As you make this decision, if you sense that a lot of future decisions are being deftly taken out of your hands, and the pattern for your life together is being set in stone, make it only with great caution.

It’s one thing to draw together, as two adults, to a decision you admit you might not have made on your own. 

It’s another thing to grant someone power of authority over your life.

My inbox is always, always open. And I wish you all the happiness in the world. x

Argument. (Request)

“I’m not the one hanging out with a new girl every week!” I yelled with an annoyed tone as I widened my eyes at Justin.

It was our 3rd argument of this week and it wasn’t even healthy. Justin won’t admit or own up to anything he does, he’s stubborn and so am I, meaning our relationship can go two different ways. And right now, it was going the worst possible way.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You know I love you, so why can’t you accept the fact I have other GIRL friends” Justin yelled as he rolled his eyes, and spoke in the same annoyed tone as I was.

“It’s not even about that Justin. Do you think I give a fuck that you hang out with girls? It’s just that you never ans-“

“Yes, you do! You get so fucking jealous and clingy sometimes and that’s the sad truth Y/N” Justin snapped, making me raise my eyebrows and drop my mouth. “Just lay off me for a bit”

This is what I hate about our relationship. It’s good one minute bad the other. I think I have a pretty valid point though, Justin is always seen hanging out with some girls every week, and never bothers answering my calls or texts. Regardless, I know he loves me, but it gets annoying after a while, you know? And for somewhat reason, he thinks I’m jealous, which pisses me off even more.

“Really? Is that what you think of me?” I asked, as I looked down at my shoes and back at him.

Knowing Justin, he’d have a sudden realisation of what he had just said in a matter or seconds and start to apologise, but this time he didn’t, making me feel like this was true. I mean, I’ll admit I’m sometimes up Justin’s ass about things, but it’s not that bad, I just want to spend time with him or hang out. Who cares anyway? He’d rather hang out with other girls than me right?

“I need some air” He spat before brushing past me and heading for the kitchen.

I let out a sigh, and went upstairs to our bedroom. What he just said really upset me, and the fact he doesn’t even realise made me mad in a way. Grabbing a bag from underneath the bed, I threw some clothes and some belongings in there, I just wanted to get out of here already.

Jogging pretty fast back down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab some water and my keys, I watched as Justin held a cigarette between his fingers. He knew I hated it when he smoked. Was he seriously doing this on purpose to annoy me, or was he trying to relieve stress. Not wanting to ask, I just rolled my eyes and walked out.

“Where the fuck are you going?” I heard Justin yell from behind me. Turning my head, I saw him walking towards me.

“I’m leaving. Don’t try and give-“

“Baby!” He moaned, pouting his bottom lip “I’m sorry, I was just kidding, chill out”

“Whatever. I’ll see you later” I replied, still upset, before slipping on some boots and leaving the house. Did he seriously think I was that easy?

So i spent my valentines day coming out to my family

Mum:So you’re lesbian?
Me: No not precisely…
Mum: so is it because we’ve been bad parents and you don’t want to associate yourself with it and make our mistakes
Me: no your bad parenting and shitty relationship has nothing to with mine (:

I sorta wish i was just gay? It would be easier to explain and cerainly less nervewrecking.

Mum:So. You know. Dont close yourself off from the possibilty of dating a man

Me, a demisexual person, in a healthy homoromantic relationship for 6 years: hahaha fuck off mum 👌

I don’t want to pass the diet mentality on to my kids. I know my parents never intended to pass it on to my sister and I but it did and we’ve both had/have? Eating disorders. In high school my mom was on the school dance team and they would have weekly weigh-ins in front of the whole team and they were required to stay under 120 lbs. My parents never mocked us for our weights or suggested we go on diets. But we watched and learned their eating habits of restricting and over eating and emotional eating. I don’t want to blame them because they are just stuck in that way of life. I just want the cycle to stop. I don’t want my kids to see me trying the latest diet craze or talking about needing to lose weight. I want to be able to model having a healthy relationship with food but I know I have a LONG way to go to do that. Its so freeing to not log calories and and compare myself to others on this site and put my energy into hobbies and work and family and have my weight maintain. I know I can do it and I just need to keep reassuring myself that I don’t have to be at war with myself and my body. I hit my step goal today and instead of thinking “oh good I’m burning lots of calories”.. My first thought was “sweet! I’m getting a lot of movement in today” which are 2 different mindsets.

tldr: I’m tired of dieting and diet culture.

Saturday night

I realize I’ve been incredibly open about my breakup with Lucas over these last few weeks and I want to thank you for sticking around and putting up with my nonsense. I imagine he’s being a lot more reserved than I am, which I totally respect. Then again, he was always the more cool, calm, and collected one in our relationship.

Anyway, writing my feelings down in this journal of a blog has been helping me deal with this breakup in a really healthy way. I’m realizing certain things—most importantly that he and I will be ok. Also, bonus, I’ve made so many wonderful new friends along the way. Everyone has been so good to me. I know some of you live hundreds of miles away, but it’s almost like you’re right here with me—like we’re sitting in a cafe somewhere in New York City, talking, catching up over two cups of coffee.

I guess there’s really only one thing on my mind tonight: I hope you don’t think of me as this terrible person who’s trying to make Lucas seem like “the bad guy” in all of this… because he’s not. He has and always will be the most wonderful man I have ever met. 

He was so good to me. He loved me. And I loved him. We just grew apart, unfortunately. It happens. That doesn’t make him a bad person. 

I feel like I’ve been writing about him and our breakup so much that it never occurred to me to give him the credit he deserves. There was a time when he and I were best friends. No matter what sad, horrible thing was happening to me, he always managed to bring color to my black and white days. And he taught me to seek out adventure, which is quite possibly the greatest gift a guy could give me.

I would love to sit here and spend the next hour listing all the good things I got out of our relationship, how happy he made me, but I feel like this photograph says it all, so I’ll just leave it right here:

Goodnight, everybody. Sweet dreams.

Dear Future Wife...#636

I’ve learned a lot about love since I met you. I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I want and need and what I have to offer and what I am capable of. I learned from your example and I’ve learned from my reactions to your actions. This is what I know so far.

Love is absolutely everything it has been cracked up to be. Our love that we share exceeds all of my previous expectations. I know this is rare. I know people who absolutely love each other may not feel how we feel. Everyone loves and receives love differently. I am not anyone else. I can only speak to my love and my life. But what I’ve learned is that love alone is not always enough.

We love each other. Yes. That much is clear. Our love grew quickly and explosively. Our physical attraction maybe just as quickly and explosively. But beyond those expected chemistries, we care for one another. We don’t play games. We ask questions and check in and talk things through. I trust you implicitly, but we had to build that trust. We are open with each other. We share stories of good and bad times. No questions go unanswered forever. If we don’t feel strong enough to answer at the moment, we give the other space. We laugh and we cry and not always separately. We say “I love you,” and we say exactly why and how and sometimes for no exact reason except that we just felt it right then. We look at each other like the other is the most precious treasure that exists. We’re honest. We’re present and dependable. We protect each other and feel protected. We shift with each other and go with the flow. We talk of the future as a plan and no one feels intimidated or pressured. When things get tense, we don’t shut down. We are kind and gentle with each other. We say “I don’t like the way that makes me feel, can you try to change that?” and we listen and do our best. Sometimes we can’t do anything but listen. Sometimes even that won’t help or fix anything. We kiss because it’s the best. We make out because we tell ourselves it’s not going to lead to more. Then making out, more often than not, will end in “we should have gone to sleep earlier, but that was totally worth it.” We do things we don’t think is that big of a deal because we know the other loves those little things. We send cute notes. We watch the show they want to watch. We laugh all the time. We make each other laugh so often and in unexpected moments.

We are a good match. Nothing is forced. But we also work to make us work. It’s been easy in a lot of ways, yes…but it’s been so so hard in many others. We have overcome huge obstacles to give us a chance. We work at this every day because we are worth it. We stay together because we both want each other more than anyone else. We don’t fight. We don’t shut down or run away. We don’t ignore. We don’t keep secrets. We don’t manipulate or intimidate. We don’t hurt or yell.

This list is long but it’s in no way close to complete. I guess what I’ve been trying to say is “thank you” for treating me well, with care and appreciation and respect and honesty. Love is the easy part. But everything else is easy with you, too. I love you. But I so much more than love you. We need a new word that means “love+everything.”

anonymous asked:

Do you find that your age gap contributes to misunderstandings? Is conflict resolution a bit weird between the two of you?

Ask Mod Shiro about their age gap relationship [Link]

In a healthy relationship, your ages should never be brought into an argument. Our ages only come up when dealing with nostalgia or comparing and contrasting our educations. So, no there isn’t an issue on that part, because we largely see ourselves as equals. There are areas where he is better at (such as cooking) and better for me (computers or cultural concepts). Only then our expertise are brought into play depending on what the conflict is over. The moment they use “because I’m older than you!” then you know it’s not gonna end well. You need to see each other as equals.