He begins & strikes it through.
He strikes that, too. It doesn’t feel right to call her Larissa. He’s never done that before.
I have no idea where to start. I don’t think I’ve ever written a letter to anyone important and I am not good with words, believe it or not. I can sure as hell talk your ear off but I guess not even half of what I say is actually important? At least that’s what I’ve been told. But you still always listen to me and I didn’t really appreciate that until, well, now. Because now you’re in Kenya and I am still at Samwell and it’s weird without you. Weirder than I expected.
I don’t know how to put in words what I’ve been feeling since the beginning of the semester. There’s a Lardo-shaped hole in my chest and I am trying to fill it with studying and kegsters and weed but it’s no use? Jack told me to just write you a letter, tell you that I miss you like it’s that easy, so that’s what I am doing but there’s so much more I want to say. I wish I could just call you but you don’t have your phone down there.
There’s a whole ocean between us and it fucking feels like it, too. I hate that. I love that you got the chance to go to Kenya and all but I hate that you’re there and I am not.
He sighs, scratching his head. There is no way he can put all his feelings into words, there’s just too many of them. Too much he doesn’t understand.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was gonna miss you just not like this. It feels really strange to not have you around every day anymore, to not smoke up with you or just have your presence in the house. And I think that ‘abesence makes the heart grow fonder’- thing is totally right now because if I’d have to put a name on it then I think I’d say I am totally gone on you? Like, crush-wise, not in a friends-way. I don’t know if that makes sense, I am sure you have way too many adventures happening in Kenya to even really think too much about us…or me.
I don’t blame you at all, Kenya must be great. I just, I don’t know. It’s been months and there hasn’t really been a sign that you’re well & up at all? So, are you okay? Do you like Kenya? Do you miss the guys? Do you miss me? I just want to talk to you because I miss you terribly. I didn’t even ask anyone to go to winter screw with me because it didn’t feel right. Ransom and Holster totally chirped me for that.
Alright, so, I probably won’t ever send this off because it would totally change things and I don’t want them to change. I just want you to know that you are very missed around here.
Shitty looks down at the paper. He won’t send it off, he can’t, but he’s glad he wrote it down. He doesn’t want to ruin Lardo’s trip by bringing too many feelings into this. He folds the letter, puts it in an envelope and hides it in one of his drawers.
Then he opens up his computer and types out a short email message to Lardo. He knows she got email in Kenya, even if she can’t check it daily. He knows it’s better that way.
When Lardo moves into the Haus, putting all her stuff in she’s relieved. Shitty & her had agreed that it would be better if he just left his old furniture for her because she’s always liked his desk a lot.
She moves her stuff into the cupboard and the dresser and opens the desk drawers, only to find something still sitting in one of them. An envelope with her name on it, in Shitty’s handwriting.
She smiles. She’s been waiting for that letter for almost two years.