i know its an endorsement.. but

How To Promote Your Artist: a Seminar by Simon Jones
Endorsed by Simon Cowell
Transcribed by Me

*read this in the most annoying white man voice ever*


Hi! I’m Simon Jones! You might know me as the PR Mastermind behind *looks at smudged writing on hand* Won… Dis…? One… Dictation? *looks at his PA* what does this say? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter, because this seminar is all about me, and my expertise :) You might be wondering, “Simon, what is it like to be the PR Mastermind behind that one band?” Well, I’m here to break it down for you in just a few easy steps. :)

1) Your Artist is nothing more than their gender: You might think you’re representing artists and musicians, but let me tell you, that’s not the case at all! No one cares about the music!! Get that thought STRAIGHT OUTTA YOUR HEAD, PAL. Cause all these girls – *whispers conspiratorially* there’s a 100% chance all of your artists’ fans are 12 year old girls, by the way – only want one thing *wink* if you *wink* know what *wink* I mean *wink wink*.


*looks at his very confused PA*
*PA appears to be asking question. She looks as if she is quietly suffering*


No Cindy my eye is fine. Gosh. AS I WAS SAYING, I know what you’re thinking, I know what you’ve seen on the internet, that it may seem that your artist has a wide fanbase – full of various ages, genders, sexualities, and religions – but, well, they don’t matter! Lol :)

2) Next, we’ll move on to Fake Relationships: Because nothing says success like contracted romance. Remember, it’s not about the music, God forbid. Haha, am I right, Jerry!…

*Jerry, the audience member, is confused.*
*I relate to Jerry*

….You’re catering to the weaker sex after all :) And all they care about is their Dream Boy (aka Your Client)… What? Sit down, Mike, I don’t care if you’re representing women, fake relationships are for everyone. The Simon Jones Method doesn’t discriminate. 

Finally, we have number three, and this is the most important. I like to refer to this segment as:

3) Personal Life is Key: I’m sure after all this staggeringly great advice, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed, but that’s okay! We’re still going full speed ahead, because this last point is the most important, and that is to Exploit Your Client’s Personal Life As Much As Possible. At every opportunity. No holds barred, guys, don’t forget!!! Just really *dig* in there – into all the inappropriate subjects – and pull out all the… Um? Excuse me?? No, I do not think it is without integrity, Barbara. If you have a problem with that you can leave the – Okay Barbara has left the seminar, but that’s okay, because we don’t need her anyway. *looks at his PA* Please banish her for all eternity. Thank you

*The PA sheds a tear*
*I feel for her*

Unfortunately, that’s all the time we have for today! Tune in next week for our next segment, titled; On Babies, Fake Pregnancies, And Where To Find Horrible People. Remember! It’s not about the music, at all!!!!!!! Don’t sell that!!! Umm, I am being forced off the stage, the security guards are coming, but it’s not about the music!!! Don’t forget!! EXPLOIT EXPLOIT EXPLOT, THAT’S MY MOTTO

*Simon Jones is being dragged away*
*The audience erupts into confused applause and tears*
*I weep for humanity and for The PA, who follows behind her screaming boss, resigned to her fate*

ride! (or die)

“You should date T’Challa.”

“Honey-bear, what the hell-”

“Tony. Tones. Think of it. I’ve gotten to shovel talk actresses. Biochemists. CEOs. Pepper Potts. If you date T’Challa I’ll get to shovel talk an actual king. If that’s not the best friend ‘I win’ bomb, I don’t know what is.”

“I’m not going to date T’Challa just so you can shovel talk him!”

“All my fun, man. You just ruin it.”

“…I’m going to date T’Challa because his ass is to die for!”

just a warning

I’m feeling significantly more tin-foil-hat-ish today, so I’ll be reblogging TJLC meta analysing series 4 and the possibility of new content. However I remain unconvinced that the BBC would replace Apple Tree Yard on short notice in the schedules, since it’s been promoted to all the major news outlets and this could risk a significant ratings loss for the broadcaster on a flagship drama programme. Our community is at its most brilliant and lovely in close analysis, and I want to enjoy that a bit longer. I am NOT encouraging anyone to blindly believe or get their hopes up. I also don’t forgive Moftiss for the personalised f-you’s to the fandom in TFP that left us crushed and passing around suicide hotlines. Maybe they thought it was funny and obviously fake, but we don’t know what they were thinking and can only go by the effect it had on us. So by reblogging further TJLC meta I’m not endorsing or approving of their actions.

anonymous asked:

You have good reasons for disliking kin, but some people with personality disorders sometimes use their favorite characters as a way to find an identity. Of course there's other ways to cope with personality disorders, and you of course have a right to control what kind of people follow your blog, but I just thought I'd throw that out there in case you didn't know. I'm not kin myself nor do I have a personality disorder so idk what it's like to be either

im also against self-diagnosis, and by FAR most kin ive seen who claim that are self-diagnosed, and usually half of those personality disorders they cant even be diagnosed with (if theyre too young for example), which makes their opinion invalid imo

its also not a coping method i feel like is healthy, so i dont endorse it as a coping method.

anonymous asked:

Mom you laugh now but you don't know about my job, my secret cash, or how I'm technically the ruler of an entire country just for endorsing people and medicine. I'm living the life man and its right under your nose. - The Punmaster

you’re grounded

hand over all your assets 

anonymous asked:

You mentioned watching Always Sunny, any thoughts on the s12 premiere? It left me with a lot of conflicting feelings (much like this show in general usually does).

Always Sunny walks a very fine depiction/endorsement line. Kinda like South Park, I normally find it effective, though the premiere was… Yeah, “conflicting feelings” is good. I actually very much like this review of it, which puts the discomfort into words well.

For all of its pretense of using brusque, “edgy” comedy to expose the uncomfortable realities of how most people live with some degree of racial prejudice,”The Gang Turns Black” ultimately falls short because it isn’t saying things that its audience doesn’t already know. Nothing that happens in the course of the show is news to black people, and its black characters are nothing more than literal costumes for its white actors to emote through.

Instead, what we’re left with is 30 minutes of a shoddy musical about a bunch of mildly racist white people reveling in what it means to be a mildly racist white person. Moments of black pain, suffering, and murder are played up for laughs in a way that doesn’t invite reflection or introspection, but rather on-screen giggles and punchlines—proving that Sunny isn’t nearly half as funny as it thinks it is.

The take-aways of Sunny are always a little wanting, and normally “omg that’s so horrible” kind of humor. I think at times there can be introspection, and South Park is much much more successful in that department. But Sunny is also very firmly a show about terrible people being terrible, and we’re not at all meant to be comfortable with the scenario described.

There’s plenty of very positive reviews too, though I can’t help but notice a common pattern among the writers. I will say at the least there seems to be an attempt at commentary?

My favorite Sunny episodes are always more in the absurd direction though, like “The Waitress is Getting Married” or "The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre". Or even “The Gang Misses the Boat”. The ones where their interplay is the star.

We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment… and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly.

Who is the mastermind?

That’s been my other question following Trespasser. So Solas wants to restore his people through destructive means, but what about Mythal? I think we need to consider the possibility of not only her agreement and active support with such a plan, but also potential involvement in its inception, if not singular creation.

Certainly in the games, we’ve seen Flemeth turn up conveniently to push events in a certain direction for the supposed benefit of our heroes. On every occasion, she’s mentioned something about catastrophic and chaotic change, and her clear endorsement of said change. The coming of the new age. She’s been harping on about it for at least a decade before Solas returned to the scene, and we know she’s been biding her time long before that.

She also states her motive for revenge - one can infer, against the evanuris for presumably murdering her, and to a lesser extent the damage done to the world / the people as a result. This cannot come about without getting them out to deal with them. We also know there was a connection between the two before, and the inclusion of Fen’harel statues with Mythal’s implies at the very least some sort of defined alliance. Her death was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Solas. 

So the question remains: whose plan is it really? Both certainly seem to agree with / have contributed to it, but I will be very curious to see just who might have suggested it in the first place, and who’s calling the shots, or whether they really are the two generals at the head of it. It would make it much easier for Mythal not to announce her immediate connection with him as well, as she would have the hearts of the modern elves, unlike Fen’harel. I would not be at all surprised to find the pair of them thick as thieves in this, nor would I be surprised if Solas had taken up Mythal’s mantle.

I nudge history, when it’s required. Other times, a shove is needed.

it’s so hilarious to me that people somehow equate wanting a redemption arc for a character with an explicit endorsement of that character’s actions. it’s such twisted logic. of course i know this character is wrong!! of course they’ve done evil things!! that is literally why i want them to be redeemed!!

Y’know while both Marinette and Adrien have moments of jealousy in the series, the show never seems to portray their jealousy as a GOOD thing.

Like I know that we’ve been over this a thousand times, especially given Adrien/Chat Noir’s jealousy in “Copycat” but even then said jealousy resulted in the villain of the week, so clearly the episode wasn’t endorsing his behavior.

And in both “The Bubbler” and “Volpina” Marinette’s stints of jealousy make things worse. In the bubbler, it causes things to get much worse than they probably could have been, and in Volpina it, again, result in the villain of the week.

My point is that Miraculous doesnt show either of its main charactes moments of jealousy as cute or positive, and every time they let their jealousy dictate their actions it has consequences.

And I think that’s actually a pretty good thing.

I do not, NOT, NOT support nor endorse 50 SHADES OF SHIT!

Folks, if you ever see a post coming from me claiming I LOVE THE FUCK OUT OF 50 SHADES OF GRAY AND SUGGEST YOU ALL GO SEE THE MOVIE please know IT’S NOT FROM ME! Seems Tumblr are the ones making people look bad by somehow under your name re-blogging 50 Shades of Gray posts as an endorsement deal. Truly I am 1000% against the film as well as the book it originated from. I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS FILM, I DO NOT SUPPORT THE BOOK, I DO NOT CARE TO BE APART OF SOMETHING THAT 100% SUPPORTS SEXUAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE, NOR DO I CARE TO BE AFFILIATED BY IT. I am guaranteed 1000% against 50 Shades of Gray and the person who began this FILTH to begin with. Seriously I think the author needs to have her FUCKING SICK HEAD EXAMINED for even remotely thinking abuse can be considered “romantic”. YEAH, just try telling that to the many women and men who have been subjected to abuse throughout their lives and forever hold the scars associated with it as proof. I DO NOT ENDORSE ABUSE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM so please if you see a post in regards to 50 Shades coming from me endorsing it, do not go and unfollow me as a result thinking I support this film as well as abuse that goes with it cause I DON’T.

DAY 2445

    Jalsa, Mumbai               Dec  25/26,  2014             Thu/ Fri  1:18 am

The Yash Chopra Memorial Award bestowed on me by the dignitaries of the Government … the Governor, Ministers and luminaries …

I am eternally humbled and grateful .. it was awkward to sit there and listen to all the accolades that come your way. I have not yet learnt the art of carrying the right expression when listening to praise. And I shall never learn, for I have never believed in the praise that comes my way.

I am not deserving I know, but it would help if the moment of acknowledgement came within closed doors and drawn curtains ..

I leave to morrow for Kuwait, to be involved with a brand that I endorse … KALYAN jewellers. Its just for less than 24 hours after which I shall fly straight to Hyderabad for yet another award, the ANR Award, instituted by Akkineni Nageswar Rao, a mighty legend of the Telugu cinema father to Nag, now no more with us, but his family give out an award in his name each year. They have chosen me this year .. I am most obliged and happy !

Nag and I worked in Khuda Gawah, though Nag is a huge super star in Andhra Pradesh and Telugu cinema ..

I am humbled and in the grace of the Lord ..thank you all ..

 

sometimes i want to reblog a really good response to a really bad post but i don’t because i don’t want to give that post more circulation but also like, especially because with the current way reblogs are displayed on the dashboard, you can’t tell from the beginning that there’s going to be commentary and so possibly this post isn’t being endorsed, you know? so i know some significant number will read the original post with considerably more charity than it deserves before getting to the debunking and be more likely to have its ideas worm their way into their minds and anyway it sucks. i mean i could snip the op but do people even do that anymore

DAY 2456

Jalsa, Mumbai              Jan 5,  2015              Mon  11:57 pm

ICICI Bank, that massive organisation, who I Brand Ambassador, celebrate their Annual day and the completion of 60 years ..‘jab saatha tab paatha ..’

When you reach 60 then have you arrived at the time when you will know all, have the ultimate in maturity, be the elder in aspects .. 

For me that was some 13 years ago, but for the Bank that I endorse it was 60 years and was given the privilege to be on the panel of a discussion on the 'Quest for Leadership’… me ! Leadership ..? I was the wrong person especially when you have the Nobel Prize winner this year for the Peace prize Shri Kailash Satyarthi, who fought against child labor, their sale and their degradation, on the same board along with the past managing Director of the Bank, Mr Kamath ..

This organisation with its most modern and massive structure in now the bustling Bandra Kurla Complex, which boasts some of the more modern environs of the city, was celebrating its annual day, and rewarding its members for all the exemplary work that they have done ..

But quite obviously the icing was listening to the Nobel winner Shri Kailash Satyarthi and his views and impressions on the work he does for children who get sold in various societies to do labor in factories, in menial jobs and frighteningly, as child armies given guns and weapons to fight, not necessarily for the right cause !!

It was revealing to learn that some of the children had been bought for a 10th of the money their bidders would bid for an animal .. a buffalo say !!

There is such a devastatingly unpleasant and disgusting practice preached in various parts of the world, purely because the human child was brought up in an environment that spelt poverty. Some of us become professionals, doctors, engineers, entertainers, educationists .. some … sadly become poor ! They think that is their classification and so must remain so … without opportunity, without access to better environment, education and a life .. simply because they were born poor ..

But many of us have been born poor .. unaffordable in many respects to what we may want and to be told by elders that it was beyond the capacity to provide them with a better deal .. so we understand .. we understand and we endeavour to either take it upon ourselves to improve our lot, or be stricken with what the Almighty gave us , because He gave it to us !!

Without opportunity, without hope and without the effort of care, the young- one can simply resign himself or herself to the circumstances that he is introduced to … OR … he can rise above all and change the world .. like so many have done ..

The will to fight .. to be adventurous, to be recognised and the belief that it can be achieved, is what makes the difference between endeavour and complacency …

Leadership gains its title from the following it excites. If there are no followers, whose leader are you in any case ..? Once that happens then leadership demands a somewhat dangerous proportion - for you must continue to have followers, to survive and maintain your status. Dropping off from a position of a lead is depressive. The element of continuity will guarantee, position. The element of superiority, of what the other cannot, of what is fresh and different and unthought of, is what defines effort to be supreme and in leadership. One can succumb to the effort required. Fine. But not without a strong practical of battle. One may perish .. but they that fight, you shall remember the vigour you fought with, and shall always appreciate it .. provided of course they are true sportsmen .. ! There may not be many .. Fine. At least you demonstrated what was right and strong. For that will shall make you to build individually to one day … one day … come back to that field and ride to victory ..

The second or the No: 2 position is not too deplorable a position. In fact it is an advantageous one. Its the race you partake in, on the race track of the Formula 1  car racing. You identify your goal, the finish line. You start the race among many contestants. You pick wisely the one you know and feel shall lead the race. You slither in with some guile and effort to just behind him and remain there in the second slot. The speed of racing cars causes a vacuum right behind them because of the velocity of the air they displace. Get into that vacuum, in the second position. In the draft of the vacuum, you shall be sucked in with minimum power effort to display. Your leader is moving at speed to create the vacuum, and you have judiciously slipped into the position of least power, and maximum spot. When the finish line is in sight, you accelerate out of the vacuum and your reserved power energy, overtake the leader … and WIN !!

The number 2 slot in life is not such a degrading position after all .. !!

Most number 2’s, runner’s up, in life have gone on to win the title .. the race on athletics, politics, war, entertainment, corporates … et al .. 

The perseverance and the opportunity to move in at the time it needs to move in, is what makes the difference between you and another ..

And if you ever do not … remember that there are many in the positions of the second that have been given recognition and monumental reverence !!

In the early century wars in the mid Europe region, a monument was constructed of the enemy that lost. An example of how well they had fought and how important it was to recognise their war effort. Victory shall give many opportunities to be embalmed in memory and celebration. When you honour the one that lost, you celebrate the effort of a desired victory .. you celebrate that they could have been in your position, too ..

May you all be winners … but may you all also bring not despair for the effort of a loss .. it could have been victory .. it could and will be that milestone, which shall inspire and provoke you to win … tomorrow !!

My love and more …

Amitabh Bachchan

DAY 2809

Grand, Kolkata                   Dec 14/15,  2015                   Mon/tue 12:35 am



So 2 awards in hand, familiar groundings, a gracious hug from the ‘little one’ who is curious to know which office I keep going to every other day, and back on plane over fogged, musty and etherial skies to Kolkata ..

And back to ‘TE3N’ in the dump !

Garbage does have its very inert qualities .. and at times it may be worth your while to be surrounded in its myth and filfthed .. its quite an exhilarating experience .. without the customary mask and gloves and boots, which have and do adorn most workers in the profession, it does become somewhat of a ‘FOGG’ occasion .. 

And no .. I am not endorsing the DEO .. just that it was a fascinating word to use at that juncture ..

Yes .. ouch .. when random pieces of dumped glass pieces find your palms .. they always do .. don’t they .. palms, feet .. portions which one has never done without ..

Conducting the crowds .. always a joy to see them there and to see their constant and unstoppable enthusiasm ..except when one of them decides to pop in, his or her face onto a lonely street .. 

Ahhhhh … the joys of film making ..

Forlorn and discarded .. denounced and dethroned ..

For such are the moments of life, when amidst the most boisterous of noises both off and on .. we come to admire that section of the brain which shall teach and educate us all, to withstand, to denounce, to be in fight for the right ..

All and everything …

Considerable amount of workmanship in its creation … would you not think ??


Its some years done for another film or films … K3G and MAH .. Main Azaad Hoon .. significant that the winter season would host two diametrically opposite films .. both had some commonality .. the music … music that was suggested and created by yours truly ..

the ‘Shava Shava’ number an effort with Aadesh Srivastava and moi, when I seemed to have exerted myself in creative suggestion and come out right ..

and the ‘itne baazoo, itne sar..’ sung in the film at a Stadium .. we shot it in a stadium in Goa and in order to keep the 50,000 crowd that showed up through and advert in the press, I actually did a concert performance on stage with the music and orchestra of Kalyanji-Anandji, in order to kep the crowd involved and not desert us in the middle of an all night shoot .. so I would perform a number live on stage for the crowd, then beg them to participate in the shooting, then another performance and then .. so on and so forth .. it was such a wonderful experience and filled with emotion ..

The scene too was one of grave sadness, and when the DOP, our Cameraman Mr Bhatt, saw those 50,000 hands go up in tune with the playback song, which had again come about with my composition and suggestion, he just could not hold back his tears .. moved away from the camera while it ran and just broke down ..

For all of us there it was a similar disposition .. the song the words the feel of the moment, and the emotion … all just put together an incredible atmosphere .. the film did not do well, it failed, we lost money, but I had wished for the content to be made and we did just that ..

Many felt that my suicide was not acceptable .. it showed ,me in poor defeatist light .. whenin fact all my other films depicted strength .. so for me to succumb to pressure instead of fighting to give in and end your life was the draw back ..

My director on ‘TE3N’ narrates me a most alarming incident which took place during the release of the film here in Kolkata in a cinema theatre ..

The scene in the climax when I jump off the high rise and die, a fan watching the film from the balcony, and one that was a most devoted fan, screamed :

‘Guruuuu .. tumi ekla jabo na ..’ ‘you will not go alone’ ..

And jumped off the balcony into the stalls below .. I am yet to discover what happened to him later on ..

( did I not narrate this tale earlier once ..??)

Well even if I did .. its here again and its here again because we are in Kolkata where it took place and there shall be reason to remember such ..

Reason for such is so evident in each moment of time that passes by .. !


But some day all that shall find its way here on these pages ..

My love and affection to all the Ef .. those that connected and those that did not ..


Amitabh Bachchan