12:01am. march 16, 2017.
it is officially 2 years since I first heard twenty one pilots, since I first saw fairly local on my dash and made one of the best decisions of my life: to hit play.
I’ve been struggling, I won’t lie about that. I wish I could say I’m getting better instead of worse. I wish I was happy, I wish I took care of my body more often, I wish I appreciated more of the little things, I wish I didn’t still spend most nights awake and emptily staring at the walls at 4am.
but I guess the important thing is, I’m still here. And I have the boys to thank for that, I have tyler and josh, even if they don’t know who I am. I owe them my life. I owe them for surviving countless nights spent in torment, now wondering “what if?”. what if I didn’t have their music? what if I didn’t have the wonderful people I met through this band to talk to? what if I didn’t have them to channel my thoughts into? what if..? would I still be here? that’s the question. am I happy about that? about still being here, fighting? maybe I will be one day. but for now I can take one day at a time and enjoy the few beautiful things this world has to offer, in between the heavy darkness. and I have tyler to thank for this, I have josh, michael, mark, brad, chris, nick, jenna, and so many others to thank. and I will never take that for granted. I will forever remember the times I’ve seen them live, when I realized they are real. I’m not alone. they exist. I’m sobbing thinking about it now, I miss being close to their radiating positivity, warm as the sun. so, once again, I put as much emotion into these two words as I can muster: thank you.
and you know what frens? stay alive. whatever your past, “know this: you can start over, each morning.” and that’s a beautiful thing.
p.s. happy birthday fairly local, the song that started not only the blurryface era but also this stage of my life. it’s great sharing this date with you.