i know it's a terrible pun but i had to

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TT!!! <3 <3 <3 

@tyranttortoise​ okay so i had wanted my first thing for you to be something from one of your fics BUT i couldn’t just miss your birthday!!!

you are a super duper sweetheart, an excellent writer, and your fics are some of my faves!! i hope your birthday is as amazing and fantastic as you are <3 thank you for everything you do, and for always bringing a smile to my face! may the year ahead of you be filled with lots of love and happiness and aDVENTURE ANDSExyskeletons–COUGH–and lots and lots of fun!! take care!!! ^u^

(also red isn’t really that tall ((or smooth)) he’s standing on a lil stepping stool pfft)

anonymous asked:

Could you write “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” for Royai? Your writing is incredible!! Thank you <3

Thank you so muchh!!! You’re too kind, anon! Sorry this took so long, but here you go!

This prompt is from this list, and my askbox is always open if anyone wants to send me anything!


“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“You and I both know it’s a gun, Colonel.”

Roy looked at Riza as she entered the office, her face drawn in a grimace for having to work overtime alone with Roy, and his smirking at that terrible line, seemingly not even mad about being left with only Riza in the office.

“You’re right, that particular phrase doesn’t tend to work too well on women,” He leaned back in his chair, “You should be the one saying it to me, Lieutenant.”

“I would, sir, if I ever resorted to using such cheesy lines on anyone, which, unfortunately,” Riza dropped her files on Roy’s cluttered desk, “Will be never.”

“Oh come on, Lieutenant, you have to admit some of these are hilarious,” Unfazed by the growing pile of papers on his desk, Roy stood up.

“All of them are terrible,” Riza crossed her arms as the Colonel rounded to the other side of his desk and came to stand in front of her.

“Hey Riza,” He cocked his head to one side, and Riza sighed, mentally preparing herself for what was to come.

“What, Colonel?”

“If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.”

How was it that every pick up line Roy seemed to have just got worse and worse?

“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a couch potato. Because you use your work as a pillow instead of actually doing it normally,” Riza couldn’t help but retort. However, instead of discouraging Roy, he seemed to take it as a challenge.

“Hey Riza,” He leaned back onto his desk, and surveyed Riza’s unimpressed face, “Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.”

“Hayate would go berserk if he thought someone suspicious was following me.”

“If this office is a meat market, you must be the prime rib,” Roy kept smirking, and Riza was immediately overcome with the urge to turn away and leave.

“I’m the only rib here,” Instead, though, she indulged Roy in another comment.

“It’s a good thing I wore gloves today. Otherwise you’d be too hot to handle,” He fired back, and stood up so that he was once again close to her.

“You wear gloves every day. It’s a weird obsession of yours,” Riza waited for him to close the distance between them.

“You wound me, Lieutenant,” Roy clutched at his heart, “But even so, I will only stop loving you when an apple grows from a mango tree on the 30th of February.”

God, the pickup lines just got worse and worse…

But in a dumb way, Roy was kind of adorable telling them. At every single cheesy one-liner, Roy’s grin grew wider, and his eyes lit up brighter. It was almost like he was a teenage nerd again, trying to win her friendship through chemistry puns. Even though Roy may outwardly have a stern, brooding demeanor, in reality he was such an embarrassing dork.

And as much as Riza hated to admit it, this was one of the many reasons she had fallen in love with Roy. Seeing his excitement at terrible chemistry puns and even more terrible pickup lines was endearing in its own, strange way. Honestly, if he wasn’t such a weirdo, Riza didn’t know how their relationship would work out.

“Hey baby, I must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on,” This time, Roy whispered into Riza’s ear, and she almost batted him away, despite actually beginning to enjoy herself.

“Riza, You’re so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces,” Roy continued, somehow almost telepathically picking up on the fact that Riza, despite her initial protests, liked his stupid jokes. Damn, he knew her too well.

“Colonel, I thought you were the only Flame Alchemist here,” She turned around to him,

“Riza,” His warm breath managed to tickle the hairs on Riza’s neck, “You know what this shirt is made of?”

“100% Amestrian-grown cotton.”

“Boyfriend material.”

Roy wrapped his arms around Riza, and she laughed at first, lamenting the fact that she had fallen in love with such a dork.

Upon hearing the laughter spill from her mouth, Roy pecked her cheek, “There we go! I knew one of these lines would work!”

Riza only laughed harder, “If anything, I’d be less willing to go out with you after listening to that mess! Any weaker woman may have even slapped you in the face for trying to pick her up like that.”

“It’s a good thing I have the strongest woman I know right here in my arms, then,” Roy’s hand ran across her back, the silk of his gloves incredibly smooth against the cotton of her uniform, “Besides, I’d never really use any of those lines on anyone outside. I do have a reputation to uphold as the city’s hottest bachelor and slickest womanizer.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Riza brought her own hands up to twiddle the gold rope hanging from his shoulder epaulet, “But I guess that does raise the question of why you know them all.”

“A long while ago, Hughes threw a book at my head screaming at me to get a wife, and as it turns out, some author had the time to type hundreds of wonderful pickup lines out for me to use.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you seem to have memorized them all,” Riza leaned her head on his shoulder, not caring about the gold stars pressing into her cheek.

Before answering, Roy brought his own head down to rest on hers, “I find them very amusing, Lieutenant, and even though you try to deny it, I know you do to.”

“I do not.”

“There she goes again…” Roy sighed, but Riza could still feel the smile on his lips.

And she was absolutely sure he could feel the same small smile on hers.


All terrible pickup lines are from this website

GameDaze: I’m kinda obsessed with Bloodborne

Yeah, I know I’m not the only one but it honestly took me by surprise. Bloodborne has entered my blood (sorry for the terrible pun) and has taken hold. When I’m not playing Bloodborne, I’m thinking about playing Bloodborne. When I am playing Bloodborne, I’m thinking about what I’ll do different the next time I play Bloodborne. I haven’t had this happen with a game in a long long time. 

What surprised me the most about Bloodborne is just its sheer brilliance in world design. Everything is connected, and while you won’t realize it in your first few hours, you’ll come to understand just how truly magnificent From Software’s design team is when it comes to map design. Yarnham feels like a real lived in world, full of mystery and unspeakable horrors. Oh dear sweet baby Moses – the enemy design in this game is the stuff of horrific nightmares. My 8-year old self would piss his pants at some of these monstrosities. Hell, I’m a grown ass man and I am still left utterly agape at some of the bosses and enemies crawling and hiding from some of the dark corners of Yarnham and beyond. And there is quite a bit of beyond.

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After 16 hours and some change, I’m left wondering how the hell the art team at From Software sleep at night coming up with this stuff. 

Yes, the game is brutally hard at times – but you learn to deal with it. Actually, that’s incorrect. You don’t learn to deal with it, you learn to get better. In an age where autosave points are the norm, Bloodborne takes you back to the days when such a thing didn’t exist. The best we had was leaving our NES on and hoping to God that Mom or Dad would not turn the blasted thing off while we were out.

I know that Bloodborne isn’t for everyone. 

You will die, a hell of a lot and you’ll swear and say, “Fuck this game!” and then if you’re anything like me you’ll come back 30 minutes later with a renewed vigor and a new strategy. Odds are high that you will also die – again. But that’s part of the excitement of Bloodborne. That and seeing what the hell lies around the next corner. From Software has created what is in my opinion one of the first landmark titles for this console generation. A love letter or sorts to old school gamers looking for a challenge, and a creepy welcoming claw to fans of horror – true horror– that hasn’t been experienced in gaming for quite some time.

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
-H. P. Lovecraft