i know it won't last but i am beginning to like how easy this relationship is

The Silence

Originally posted by refretable

Pairing: Dan x reader or Phil x reader 

Genre: romance, angst, a speck of fluff (I think)

Song: The Silence by Mayday Parade

TW: a lot of sadness

Word count: 988

Because listening to this song on my iPod made me think ‘You know you wanna fanfic this.’ This one’s gonna be pretty short since I still got a bunch of fanfics I gotta write and this is more or less something I wanted to get out of my head so I don’t put this on the side and never get back to again. Also, let me know if you want to see a part 2. I didn’t expect to end this in an open-ended way.

I didn’t know how it came to this. There was a time when our time together wasn’t on a schedule, when YouTube didn’t put a hindrance on our home dates and nighttime strolls. Somewhere along the way, secretive meetups transformed into occasional kisses and a few text messages every week. The burst of happiness I felt in the beginning dwindled into a small wad of optimism when I even get the chance to see him.

Seeing him nowadays doesn’t bring the instant smile to my face. If I do, whether it’s on an electronic screen or in-person, it’s a relief to remember he’s still alive, that none of his near-death experiences struck him to an actual moment of death. There’ll be a single second of being glad he hasn’t forgotten me, but other than that, we may as well just be friends. It’s as if the days we get to be alone together is our way to remind ourselves we’re still in a relationship.

We’re still a couple.

We should’ve broken up as soon as we realized our physical and emotional distance was coming between us. I should be the one to say “we should break up,” fragile words I can’t take back once I say them aloud. It should be easy. It’ll be the start of a clean break. Once we walk away from all this, we can walk away from the burden of our own love.

But that’s our flaw. Our love isn’t what’s making us unhappy. Our love is proof of a dream that came true since we met two years ago. Being his girlfriend is pushing us to be patient, waiting for the right time to reveal our relationship to the public. When we say “I love you” to each other, I think of how lucky I am to have him as my boyfriend, a guy who’s one-half of Dan and Phil.

Our problem is we’ve given up. Once the obstacles began to pile up, we didn’t take the time to address them. We left them to become an invisible wall dividing the both of us. He buried himself in YouTube while I focused on (school/work). By the time I came to terms that we were beginning to turn into the couple who spent so much time apart to the inevitable point of breaking up, it was too late to undo the damage. I was scared of bringing up the issue to him. Not once did we have a major argument since we met, and I didn’t want to allow our distance be the reason we fight.

So I keep my mouth shut. I cry myself to sleep to release my frustrations. I endure the indifference in his eyes whenever he films a video on his main channel or the gaming channel, his soft irises gazing at his best friend in a way that should be reserved for me. I keep a straight face when we go on a date and I see the new coldness in his eyes when he looks at me, the kind of coldness that makes me think he’d rather be doing something else than spending time with his girlfriend.

I’m dying so much in the inside. I want to set us free from the predicament, to end the silence and go back to how we used to be. It breaks my heart to have a boyfriend I don’t know if I can call a boyfriend anymore. I know he still loves me enough to stay with me, but I need more than our status. I need us to be what (your ship name with you & Dan or you & Phil) is supposed to be.

Ice cream weekends and my journal entries about every new memory we make together.

Being invited to parties and VidCon, albeit under the label as his friend.

Teasing him about his change from straight hair to curly hair and his tendencies to fall asleep anywhere and anytime.

And so, so much more.

Today is our second anniversary. Five hundred days since the day we first crossed paths. I woke up this morning to a text from him informing me he’s busy filming a couple videos. However, he promised to take me out tonight to celebrate.

He didn’t forget. Maybe there’ll be a miracle and we can have one night where we can genuinely behave like a normal couple. Even though tomorrow will reset to how we are now, at least I could be happy for a portion of the day.

I go about my day as usual. Before I know it, I’m at the doorstep of my home. I unlock the front door, and when I go inside, I’m greeted by a pleasant surprise. A moderately-large box sits on my sofa. Upon closer inspection, I find my name written on the top flap, along with a Post-It taped to the top.

Sorry it isn’t much. Happy birthday love.

Trying not to get my hopes up, I open the box. Inside is something that literally brings me to my knees.

I take out every packaged journal in the box. One, two, three… I keep counting until the box is empty. Thirty. The same price of the first journal he bought for me on our first Christmas as a couple.

My throat constricts in a silent sob.

Maybe this is his way of breaking the silence. He’s doing it before I do.

Of course he wouldn’t be blind to my inner suffering. Only an idiot would be oblivious to how much we’ve grown apart these last several months.

A grin forms and I laugh like a maniac. It’s going to be okay. My one-night plan may not be for one night after all.

He’ll be done making me sad.

I stand back up and stuff the journals back into the box. With tear-stained cheeks, I head to my room.

I’ve got a date to prepare for.

  • Ski Lodge Spec Script Scenes 1/2: http://bmwwritinggmw.tumblr.com/post/146443779744/ski-lodge-head-script-reblog-if-you-like-it
  • Ski Lodge Spec Script Scene 3:
  • http: //bmwwritinggmw.tumblr.com/post/146828068669/ski-lodge-head-script-pt-2-reblog-if-you-like
  • Ski Lodge Spec Scene 4: http://bmwwritinggmw.tumblr.com/post/147783629219/new-edited-ski-lodge-spec-script-part-4-reblog
  • Ski Lodge Spec Scene 5:
  • http: //bmwwritinggmw.tumblr.com/post/147837013969/ski-lodge-spec-script-scenes-1-5-in-case-you
  • Ski Lodge Part 6 (Conclusion):
  • : Bus ride home, most kids on the bus already. Josh and Topanga at the front in their seats. Camera angle from back of bus, watching kids get on :
  • : Smackle gets on first quickly, goes to a seat in the back, crosses arms look’s out window:
  • : Maya next, passes by Josh in the first seat, they lightly smirk at one another, Josh breaks gaze by looking down, Maya keeps walking, pleased with herself, sits middle of bus by window:
  • : Lucas next, steamrolls right past Maya:
  • Maya:
  • Oh hey Huckleberry, where ya be-
  • : Lucas keeps going and sits down, leaving Maya looking confused:
  • Riley next on bus, stops, looks at Lucas then looks at Maya, then Lucas, than Maya, Lucas than Maya:
  • : Maya, raises eyebrows and mouths:
  • Come sit down now???
  • : Riley gives one last glance at Lucas and then sits with Maya, looking somber, Maya looking at her slightly concerned:
  • : Farkle comes on, Riley watches him walk by as he goes down and sits with Smackle in the back, not even glancing her way:
  • : Riley sinks her head down, disappointed:
  • : Maya Still looking concerned:
  • : Zay and Cory on the bus last, stop and look at everyone who is totally silent, no one looking at each other:
  • Cory:
  • Uhm, Mr Babineaux?
  • Zay:
  • Yes, Mr. Matthews?
  • Cory:
  • : Pointing to all the kids:
  • What’s going on here, what is this?
  • Zay:
  • Don’t know that yet, sir.
  • Cory:
  • Ya gonna find out?
  • Zay:
  • Plan on it, sir.
  • Cory:
  • It gonna be a huge disaster?
  • Zay:
  • Looks like it, sir.
  • Cory:
  • : Looking disgusted:
  • Nature.
  • : Zay sits down next to Lucas:
  • Cory:
  • : Peppy:
  • Okay well how about a little bus ride entertainment everyone, eh? A little sing along maybe? 99 bottles of cola anyone?
  • Josh:
  • 99 bottles of...cola?
  • Cory:
  • We’re only approved for general audiences
  • : Shrugs:
  • Josh:
  • Ah, okay
  • Cory:
  • So, 99 bottles? She’ll be Comin Round the Mountain?
  • : No one even looks at him:
  • Josh? Ya wanna help me out a little here?
  • Josh:
  • Sorry my brother, you’re on your own with this one.
  • : Puts on headphones:
  • Come on everybody! What’s a road trip without some singin!
  • : Silence, no one looking:
  • How about a little eye spy? License plate game? Truth or dare?
  • Everyone:
  • NO!!!!!
  • : Cory taken aback, looking hurt by everyone yelling at him:
  • Topanga:
  • Okay, Captain Cory, why don’t you just sit down and take a nap.
  • : Cory doesn’t move:
  • Topanga:
  • That’ssss it, alright, come on and just sit down with me.
  • : Cory sits with her, sinking down slowly:
  • Topanga:
  • : Whispers:
  • Let the kids live, remember?
  • Cory:
  • : Humorously frustrated:
  • A bunch of maroons, all of ‘em!
  • Topanga:
  • : Patting Cory on the shoulder:
  • I know Honey, life’s tough. I know. Maybe you should think about getting a helmet.
  • : Cory gives her a dirty look than lays his head on shoulder of Topanga, falls asleep almost instantly and snores his girly snore:
  • : Topanga chuckles to herself:
  • : Flash over to Maya/Riley:
  • Maya:
  • You alright, Honey?
  • Riley:
  • : Fake Riley smile, almost tears in her eyes:
  • Yeah Maya, I’m fine.
  • Maya:
  • : Steadfast in Riley’s eyes:
  • It’s going to be okay. I am here for you. I am ALWAYS here for you. Whenever you're ready to talk about it.
  • Riley:
  • : More tears in her eyes, sits facing forward, matter of factly:
  • Except there’s nothing to talk about.
  • Maya:
  • Like I said, whenever you're ready.
  • : Looks out window:
  • : Pan to Zay/Lucas:
  • Zay:
  • You alright man?
  • Lucas:
  • : Extremely sarcastic/rude:
  • Oh me? Me, am I alright? Yeah, Zay, I’m great. I’m totally fine. I’ve literally never been better.
  • Zay:
  • Dude that couldn’t have been easy to see Ma-
  • Lucas:
  • Not now Zay, OK? Just…Not. Now.
  • : Zay nods, glances over at Maya, then back at Lucas shaking his head slightly, Lucas just looking out the window, angrily:
  • : Pan back to Farkle and Smackle :
  • Farkle:
  • : Jiggles leg nervously, looks over at Smackle, who glances back, both nervously awkwardly smirk at each other and look back down, riding in silence :
  • : Long pause:
  • : Farkle breaks silence:
  • Smackle…Can I ask you something?
  • Smackle:
  • Alright.
  • Farkle:
  • …Why do you flirt with Lucas so much?
  • Smackle:
  • : Glances over hastily:
  • What? Are you trying to accuse me of something? Because after last night-
  • Farkle:
  • No, no of course not, I’m not accusing you of anything. And I’m so sorry if last night made you uncomfortable, but there was no reason to be. I just really want to know...Why do you flirt with Lucas?
  • Smackle:
  • I ….I guess I’m not totally sure I know that answer.
  • Farkle:
  • : Pauses briefly :
  • Well. I think I do.
  • Smackle:
  • You think I like Lucas?
  • Farkle:
  • No, I don’t think you like Lucas.
  • Smackle:
  • Then what? What is it that you think?
  • Farkle:
  • : Takes a deep breath, then looks at her and begins:
  • I think you are Isadora Smackle. One of the most beautiful, intelligent, wonderful people in the world. And I think that you never used to know that…how beautiful you are. But I also think that has changed. I think you are starting to understand it, and I think you are learning how to be confident. Not just with me, but with everyone around you. And so you flirt with people like Lucas and Zay because you’ve never been brave enough to do it before.
  • Smackle:
  • I never mean to upset you, Farkle-
  • Farkle:
  • : Very matter of fact, looking at the ground:
  • I know that. But Smackle that’s the thing. I’m not upset that you flirt with them, or anyone. Maybe I should be, but I’m not. I’m actually glad.
  • : Smackle looks taken aback/confused:
  • : Farkle looks straight into her eyes:
  • I care so much about you that there is literally nothing i want more than to see you happy and loving yourself. That’s all that matters to me...Do you understand?
  • Smackle:
  • I think so.
  • Farkle:
  • I like you. Sometimes I think one day I could more than like you. You are the first girl I have ever felt that way about. But you’re changing. We all are. And I don't know exactly how to handle that, but sometimes I think that maybe you and I are better as teammates, then we are at being boyfriend and girlfriend. I just know that I always want to cheer you on, Smackle. I never want to be what holds you back.
  • Smackle:
  • But you aren’t holding me back. You make me want to be better.
  • Farkle:
  • Yea! Yea in math and science and school! You do that for me too. But do you ever think you would be happier having the freedom for new social experiments, without worrying about what I think? Because I think you deserve that, Isadora. I think deep down you want that. And I know you don’t want to hurt me, but you won’t, OK? You can tell me anything and I promise you won't hurt me.
  • Smackle:
  • : Ponders, pauses:
  • Maybe a part of me wants that. Yes. But I care about you, too. And you are right, I do not want to hurt you.
  • : Grabs his hand:
  • You have helped me feel, Farkle Minkus.
  • Farkle:
  • And you have helped me understand love, Isadora Smackle.
  • : Smiling at each other:
  • Farkle:
  • And I’m really sorry about last night. I don’t want to hurt you either. Even though I’m still not quite sure why you were.
  • Smackle:
  • I don’t think I was hurt. I think I was confused. Perhaps in denial. But I’m not anymore.
  • Farkle:
  • : Perplexed:
  • Denial? About you and me?
  • Smackle:
  • No, not you and…me.
  • Farkle:
  • Then what?
  • Smackle:
  • You’ll see.
  • Farkle:
  • : Still perplexed, then looks down, silence:
  • Smackle:
  • So…
  • Farkle:
  • So…
  • Smackle:
  • Did we just…
  • : Using air quotes:
  • Have a “break up”?
  • Farkle:
  • Yes, I think maybe we did.
  • Smackle:
  • Hmm. I have never experienced the end of a romantic relationship before. Do I cry now?
  • Farkle:
  • : Chuckles:
  • I haven’t either. But no Smackle, not if you don’t feel sad.
  • Smackle:
  • Should I feel sad?
  • Farkle:
  • It’s okay if you don’t.
  • Smackle:
  • Maybe a little sad. But mostly I feel…content. Is that an acceptable way to feel?
  • Farkle:
  • : Smiles to himself:
  • Yea, that’s totally acceptable. I think I feel that way as well.
  • : Flash forward to everyone exiting bus, Topanga Cory and Josh standing out on the curb as everyone gets off:
  • : Riley comes out first:
  • Riley:
  • Thanks for taking us skiing, you guys.
  • : Maya comes up behind her Riley:
  • Maya:
  • First of all Riley, you didn't even ski. You realized there were no bunnies on the bunny slope and stayed inside drinking cocoa all day.
  • Riley:
  • They had the mini marshmellows!
  • Maya:
  • I know honey.
  • But yeah, thanks Matthews. It was…interesting.
  • : Josh and Maya smiling coyly at each other:
  • Cory:
  • : Looking back and forth at the two of them, growing concerned:
  • Wait a minute, what’s going on here? what IS this??? What happened this weekend?!
  • Josh:
  • : Quickly, shaking head vigorously:
  • Nothin!
  • Maya:
  • Nothing!
  • : Maya slowly, slyly smiles at Josh again:
  • …Nothing yet, at least.
  • : Winks at Josh, Josh smiles back, sees Cory staring at him angrily, quickly puts on a straight face, Cory looking like he is going to explode:
  • Maya:
  • OK Riles time to go!
  • : Maya quickly pulls Riley by the hand and runs away, Riley stumbling being dragged by her:
  • Cory:
  • : Chasing after them:
  • Maya...Maya! Shawn is NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS!
  • : Zay next to exit, Lucas after:
  • Josh:
  • : Reaches for a pound:
  • See ya later guys, hope you had a fun-
  • Lucas:
  • : Pauses to look at Josh annoyed:
  • ....Oh yeah whatever
  • : Stalks off quickly mumbling:
  • ....creepy creep creep...
  • Josh:
  • : Looks perplexed at Zay:
  • What’s up with that guy?
  • Zay:
  • He uh, yeah he gets that motion sickness thing, ya know. Makes him crabby so…
  • : Salutes Josh:
  • See ya!
  • : Runs off after Lucas:
  • : Farkle and Smackle exit last, wave goodbye to Topanga and Josh, start walking, together:
  • Farkle:
  • : Stops:
  • So…
  • : Reaches hand out to for Smackle to shake:
  • Teammates, then?
  • Smackle:
  • : Looks at hand, then Farkle, grabs him into a hug:
  • Yes. Teammates. And friends.
  • : Pull away from hug:
  • Smackle:
  • : Points finger in Farkle’s face:
  • But just because I have just shattered your Farkle heart to pieces, I mean look at you, you’re a mess-
  • : Gestures up and down at Farkle:
  • : Farkle, surprised looks down at himself, wondering how he is acting/looking like a mess:
  • If you think I am going to go easy on you in debate team, calculus club, or any other activity we may have to compete in- you’ve got another thing coming, buster. You’re just going to have to toughen up.
  • Farkle:
  • Oh, I’ll mend this broken heart, Isadora. And then? I’m gonna bring it.
  • : Silly joking sneer at her:
  • Game on, Nemesis.
  • Smackle:
  • : Sneering back:
  • Game on.
  • : Two start walking away from each other, Smackle turns back around:
  • Smackle:
  • Oh. And Farkle?
  • Farkle:
  • Yea?
  • Smackle:
  • I wasn’t the first girl.
  • Farkle:
  • ????
  • Smackle:
  • The first girl you liked. I was not the first.
  • Farkle:
  • : Getting upset/defensive, starts to walk back towards her:
  • Smackle, what? Yes you we-
  • Smackle:
  • : Puts her hand up to stop him:
  • I told you I was no longer confused after last night. And I am not. I now understand everything. Soon, you will understand also. You are almost as smart as me, after all.
  • : Pats him on the cheek:
  • Farkle:
  • Smackle, what!?
  • Smackle:
  • Like I said…You’ll see.
  • : Smackle walks away, Farkle left standing there, confused:
  • Fandom: I am looking for feed back so please share it with me.