i know it seems like nothing to us

I will not tell you to get over the person you’re thinking about… that would make me a hypocrite. I will not belittle what you’re going through by repeating tired old platitudes like ‘it gets better’, ‘you’ll find someone better’ or ‘you deserve better’…
I will not tell you that you’re holding onto ashes when the fire has long since burned out or that the rest of your life is waiting for you the moment you are ready to accept that the past is behind you… These are all things you’re probably not ready to hear and you need to realize them for yourself.
But the one thing I will tell you this; I know how it feels to miss somebody. It feels like you’re dying inside. Like you can actually feel your heart ripping and tearing because it so desperately wants to be where happiness is, but you were foolish enough to find happiness in a person – which everyone says not to do – and now they’re gone and they’ve taken your happiness away with them. I know that feeling of helplessness… that confusion of staring at empty hands that used to have everything but suddenly seem to have nothing… I know that pain. I know it all too well… and I feel it. I feel it until I can’t feel any more and then I start to heal a little and I feel it all over again.
So no, I won’t tell you to get over the person you’re thinking about like it’s something easy you should have mastered yourself by now because it’s not… it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. But what I will tell you is you’re not doing this alone and if you promise to keep trying… so will I…
Dysphoria Tips

To start this post off, not all of these tips will work for everyone! Everyone’s dysphoria is different and everyone has different things that help! 

Also, I am not a doctor or anything like that! And I am a trans guy, so that’s what this is all coming from, I can try to look up how other genders deal with dysphoria, but I think a lot of these ones will also help other genders


- Showering (I know this doesn’t help everyone)
Okay, so I know it may seem like confronting your physical form may not be the right thing to do, and it might not be, but for me taking a shower/bath really helps because I focus more on the routine and what I’m washing than my actual body
Also! Using products that match your gender might really help!! I use the more “masculine” smelling products for my body and it’s super nice ^^ They also have products that are more “gender neutral” if that’s more your thing

- Do something distracting that you enjoy
For example, I love going on walks, drawing, writing, and gaming and any of things things could be distractions from things that you don’t want to think about! You of course don’t need to pick one of the things I enjoy doing, there are lots of things you could do like sports, blogging, listening to music, hanging out with your pets (they aren’t going to judge you!), etc.

- Find someone who won’t judge you!
I know this might be hard for some of you, but I know that I have at least one person to talk to every time I get upset about this sort of thing! My friends will not misgender me, and they will reassure me that I am a guy and I do pass, and all that good stuff! If someone is hurting you and misgendering you and not respecting you, you can cut them out of your life! You are not obligated to keep these people around because of their feelings
Pets can be used for this too! Your animals will never judge you :3 Hell, they probably don’t even know what gender is :D

- Find things about yourself that you like
This doesn’t have to be about your body, but it can be! If you take the time to think about positive aspects of yourself, you might feel a little better. And if you can think about the positive things about your body, like the color of your eyes or the shade of your skin, or how great your smile is, or how cool your hair was in that one selfie, it might make you feel a little better about how you’re feeling about yourself right now c:
If you don’t want to or can’t think about positive things about your body, try thinking about things you’re good at or things you like about your personality! Like how great of a person you are, how nice you can be, how cool you are, or how dedicated you are! Something like that!

- Treat yourself
I know not everyone can go buy themselves their favorite dinner or anything like that due to money, but you can do simple things like watch your favorite movie! Or just let yourself eat that expensive ice cream you bought last week :3 Curl up in your favorite blanket with that one pillow that’s just right, or put on that makeup/outfit that you love! It’s in the little things

- Try not to think about “passing”
I know this is extremely hard, but “passing” is just a social construct. Nobody “looks like a boy” because boys can look like anyone, and the same goes for other genders as well! This is definitely a hard thing to tell yourself, especially since a lot of people don’t get it, but it might help some of you!

- Find inspiration!
Find someone who you look up to, or who is transitioning/has transitioned. Some people (like me) might feel resentment at them for being further into their transition than them, but other might (and should try to) be filled with hope and positivity by seeing that things get better and that it is possible to change yourself into how you want to (or do) see yourself

- Look back
If you’ve already started your transition, look back to months, or years ago! You will be surprised at how far you’ve come
You might even feel more hopeful about the future after having seen how much you’ve changed since before

- Find people to talk to
Find people who are, or have been, in the same or a similar scenario; they know what it’s like and they may be able to help you! They can share what it was like for them and what helped them

- Just. Stop.
Seriously, if you can, don’t do anything that day. Sometimes, people just need a break or some time alone. So, if you’ve been saving up those hours at work, take the day off if you can! If you know there’s nothing important at school the next day, try to stay home and not put yourself through more stuff
Keep yourself safe and comfortable during your break! Maybe use this time to use one of the other techniques at the same time ^^

- Keep a diary
This might seem silly, but I keep a diary off and on and it really helps me! Sometimes people just need to open up, but not to a person 
I named my diary Tina, so it kind of felt like I was talking to a person, though haha
Also, just getting all of this down on paper (or on the screen) might help

- Wear your favorite outfit!!
Find that outfit that makes you feel like a hundred bucks and wear it! It doesn’t matter if you’re staying in your house or going somewhere, wear that outfit and own it! Take a lot of pictures if you like the way it looks c:

- Selfies
Take selfies when you look hella good and how you want to look, so that when you’re feeling down and dysphoric, you can look back at your selfies and be like “damnnn I look hot”

- Workout
This might seem like a horrible idea, but I’ve heard that it works wonders! Just go get beefy or run into your legs feel like jelly
This might also help you sleep, which might help by getting rid of your thoughts

- Sleep
If you can take a nap, or just crash out, do it! You don’t have anything planned and these thoughts won’t stop? Go to sleep. You won’t be thinking of anything if you’re unconscious

- Avoid negativity
If you know someone is going to bring you down, avoid them
Same goes with places! If you know that a certain place is going to be negative or bring negative thoughts on, it’s probably best to avoid that place

- Drink ice water
I find that the painfully cold liquid can really wipe the mind with it’s shocking temperature

- Meditate
If you’re into meditation, or want to try it, I hear it does wonders to find that inner peace and just forget you have a body or end up thinking more positively about that body

- Watch your favorite show
Focusing on something you love, like a series filled with interested characters who aren’t you and find themselves in lots of situations can really take your mind off of things

- Burn incense or candles
Burn it right next to your bed (carefully tho) and make sure it’s a scent that you love! This way, if you don’t get out of bed, you can still have something to enjoy

- Read
Read a book, or a fanfiction, or anything that will capture your full attention, so that you have something better to focus on

- Modify your body!!
Like piercings, and hair dye, and stuff! Hell, even those temporary tattoos are pretty cool :3 This way, you can feel like you’re doing stuff to your body on your own terms
You can even just draw on yourself with a sharpie or something!

- Clean
Maybe just do some laundry or put things in neat little piles! Any amount of stress taken off will feel super good and also you might find that one outfit you lost months ago! (if you’re anything like me haha)

- Name and pronouns
Write down your name and pronouns on things to make you feel a little better seeing that that’s what you want to be called, and it can just be written down like that!
You could also ask some supportive friends to read them or just call you by them for no reason at the moment haha

-  Take up a new hobby
You could spend the time you spend being dysphoric, doing something you enjoy! Learn a new language, or learn how to do arts and crafts, or buy some gardening supplies!

- Save up money
Just stick some coins from the dryer in a jar and start saving up for your transition! It’ll make you feel like things are going faster than they are

And remember: You are valid! No matter what anyone tells you, or how you feel, you are valid! <3

WARNING: YOU ARE ABOU TO WITNESS A PERSON CRYING AND LOVING A YOUND ANGEL NAMED KIM TAEHYUNG. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK

Precious….. That’s probably the best way to describe this amazing, talented, beautiful young man.

Actually,maybe precious is not even enough to describe this amazing young man.

Maybe, there is no word that can properly describe Kim Taehyung, known as V(which stands for Victory). 

Who is Taehyung?

He is talented

Originally posted by my-fjo

hardworking

Originally posted by fyeahbangtaned

Beautiful

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

Positive

Originally posted by cutiehuns

and so much more.

Just look at that beautiful smile:

Originally posted by sonyondan

Its so bright

Originally posted by jimins-bootae

So happy

Originally posted by trickeu

So precious

Originally posted by taetaeinbloom

However, there are so many people that wish to destroy. that precious smile. 

So many people who wish to take this sunshine and extinguish it.

This year oh what didn’t haters do to try and bring him down.

The mean words…

The death threats….

The accusation of him being an abuser when all he did was play around with a fan.

All the meanwhile the poor, poor boy was suffering, as he was trying to get over the death of his beloved grandma. A woman who raised, him cherished him, led him for many years was suddenly gone and Taehyung had to keep that smile

Originally posted by jjks

  pretend that he is alright…. 

Originally posted by btsboo

That he is not hurting….

That he is not in severe pain.

That takes strength and courage. After all not everyone can go forward. Not everyone can receive comfort 

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

without lashing out on everyone in front of him at any moment.

Taehyung does not deserve hate. Not even a dislike. After all for what?

Maybe people hate him cause of how caring he is

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Maybe they hate him because of his huge, kind heart

Originally posted by apgujeon

Or is it his love for animals?

Originally posted by urbeautifulway

It could be because of his love for kids.. His wish to one day be an amazing father and husband.

Originally posted by deathlymaze

Or maybe its because of jealousy. 

Maybe its because people have never learnt to love, to care, to hope like he did.

Maybe its because he fight to stay sting and to improve every day, as a dancer, a singer and most importantly as a person.

Originally posted by bwirang

There are people who envy those that smile. That hate those who look misfortune in the eye and say I can do this for myself, my family, friends, members.

There are people who hate people who are kind.

Originally posted by taelephant-s

Originally posted by abcyndee

Most importantly ere are people who will never ever be able to fathom that some kid from Daegu got where he got. They are filled to the brim with envy. They think that they are the best but here is the thing.

Taehyung is  person who used to dream of being a farmer.

Originally posted by wintaery

He is a person who befriended Jimin immediately and then told of his friends when he saw Jimin sitting alone.

Originally posted by uniquesoullove

Originally posted by minsecretsoul

He is a person who cares for his members.

Originally posted by eatjin

Originally posted by bangtaneed

Originally posted by adachan16

Originally posted by strawberrie-kookie

Originally posted by taekookie-bts

But most importantly he does not sit on his phone writing hate speeches.

Originally posted by ultranicolet

Instead he works hard. Improves. Develops.

Originally posted by kths

So please Taehyung do not let others bring you down. When i have a hard time I think of how you smile. How you sing. How you dance.

And I thank you for that.

You do not know how many people you help indirectly.

Originally posted by hellosarang

You do not know how much you mean to so many of us. 

After all, you are our sunshine, our precious Taehyung.

Originally posted by fy-taekook

There is nothing wrong with being 4D or alien like. But there is something wrong with making it seem like  negative thing. I know fans try to protect Taehyung but we can never know what he really feels 100%. So lets just make the things around Taehyung as positive as positive because Taehyung deserves the world. No, he deserves the universe.

Actually, scrap that.  

He deserves far more.

Originally posted by bwipsul

We love you Taehyung! So please stay healthy, happy and remember that its okay to cry.

We love you, I love you. And though you may not know us its ok.

Because we are here.

Originally posted by taeguk

I promise.

Lets spread the love for Taehyungie !

Thank you for reading!

Originally posted by buisually-appealing

Happy Tuesday.

I’m calling it “Yurio Catches Puberty” as a working title. (PG for swearing and puberty.) (Warning for body image stuff, very minor.) 

***

“WHEN WILL THIS BE OVER?”

The scream of anguish from the rink’s locker room shower made Yuuri look up sharply. He’d only arrived in St. Petersburg yesterday, but this couldn’t be normal, even if nobody else seemed to be paying the slightest attention.

“AUGH!”

It was definitely Yurio.

“Yurio?” he started to ask, but Georgi clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t engage,” he hissed.

Yuuri looked at him, wide-eyed.

“What’s going on?” he whispered, as Yurio began a steady, at least quieter stream of cursing in Russian, then English, then Japanese that Yuuri definitely hadn’t taught him.

“Puberty,” Georgi said.

Yuuri blinked. “Puberty?” he asked.

Georgi gave him a disgusted look. “Of course,” he mumbled to himself. “The golden boy didn’t suffer puberty…”

He wandered off, now also cursing, and Yuuri had ten seconds of silence before Yurio kicked the shower door open and strode out, towel around his waist.

(There is a readmore below! Read more!)

Keep reading

Public Shame

As I mentioned, I recently read Jon Ronson’s book “So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed” and thought it made some very compelling points on the renaissance of public shaming in the age of social media.  I was going to post my highlights, but then I realized I’d highlighted about 30% of the book, so instead:

I wrote down what I thought were some of the key, take-home points the book made, and pulled quotes from the book in no particular order for each of them.  It’s  still a wall of text, but feel free to wade in if you’re interested.

Again, I strongly recommend giving this book a read.

  • Public shaming is often motivated by a belief that one is Doing Good
  • Public shaming is about social conformity
  • Public shaming can make us LESS aware of viewpoints different that our own 
  • Shame works because we are all afraid
  • Shaming others can bring out our own brutality
  • Shame leads to dehumanization and “death of the soul”
  • Shame leads to violence
  • Technology has strange warping effects on how public shaming affects us (and social media shaming can have longer impacts than we expect)
  • There is evidence that “De-shaming” may have more positive outcomes than shaming

quotes from the book supporting each point under the cut. (bolding mine, quotes by paragraph and in no particular order)

Keep reading

Angsty Bojack Horseman Sentence Starters
  • “The most important thing is, you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you.”
  • “You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me.”

  • “Life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it?”

  • “Am I a good person?”

  • “That’s the problem with life, either you know what you want and you don’t get what you want, or you get what you want and then you don’t know what you want.“ 

  • “There’s nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what’s ahead." 

  • "Family is a sinkhole, and you were right to get out when you had the chance." 

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.” 

  • “You didn’t know me and then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.” 

  • “Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets”.

  • “We’re just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less.” 

  • “I don’t think I believe in ‘deep down’. I think that all you are is just the things that you do.”

  • “You were born broken, that’s your birthright.”

  • “You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy.”

  • “you’re a selfish goddamn coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn’t give a shit about who he hurts. That’s you.”

  • “You know, it’s funny… when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

  • “I’m sorry, alright? I screwed up, I- I know I screwed up.”

  • “You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!”

  • “You are all the things that are wrong with you.”

  • “Fuck, man. What else is there to say?”

  • “We’re not doomed. In the great, grand scheme of things, we’re just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten.”

  • “The only thing that matters is right now, this moment, this one spectacular moment we are sharing together.”

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.”

  • “He’s so stupid he doesn’t realize how miserable he should be. I envy that.”

  • “It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day.”

  • “I can’t keep asking myself ‘Am I happy?’ It just makes me more miserable.”

  • “It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn’t have to be that way.”

  • “When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It’s not you, you tell yourself. It’s that bad thing you did.”

  • “It’s so cruel to let people love you. All you’re doing is promising you’ll one day break their hearts.”

  • “One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”

  • “There are some people you can’t save. Cause those people will thrash and struggle, and try to take you down with them.”
  • “ Hey, I wanted to talk to you about… you know. I feel bad about what happened.”
  • “I don’t forgive you.”
  • “No. I’m not gonna give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it’s never, ever going to be okay!”
  • “You have to believe me. I did everything I could.”
  • “I had a good life, but what I needed then was a friend! And you abandoned me. And I will never forgive you for that.”
  • “Now get the fuck out of my house!”
  • “ Look, I’m sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier.”
  • “Do you… do you think it’s too late for me? I mean, am, am, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? “
  • “I, I, I need you to tell me that I’m a good person.”
  • “I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be… and I’m sorry.”
  • “ What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you? “
  • “I want to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.”
  • “If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.”
  • “ You can’t just disappear. You really hurt a lot of people.”
  • “In this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make.”
  • “It’s so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”
  • “You like being there to rescue me. Because it makes you feel good about yourself.”
  • “ You know that I don’t do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So what’s the point?”
  • “ Uh…. Oh, god, I’m drowning. I feel like I’m drowning.”
  • “Hey, we have all done shitty stuff before. Most of us aren’t as proud of it as you seem to be.”
  • “It doesn’t get better and it doesn’t get easier.”
  • “I can’t keep lying to myself thinking I’m gonna change, I’m poison.”
  • “I come from poison and I have poison inside me and I destroy everything I touch. That’s my legacy.”
  • “I have nothing to show for the life I have lived. And I have nobody in my life who’s better off for having known me.”
  • “You’re gonna wanna kill yourself, and there’s going to be no one left to stop you.” 
The Types as I Know Them

The list isn’t complete but still :^)

ISTJ: They’re really quiet and more awkward than awkward at first but once they get used to you, they don’t really shut up and they talk to themselves when you’re around to make it seem like they’re having a conversation with you

ENFP: They’re really clingy and they do a lot of developing while you know them and they kinda disappear without saying anything for a while but they come back like nothing happened which is pretty chill and also contradictory

ENTP: Gets high and drunk a lot, like, a lot a lot but loves everyone while they’re under the drunk affect. You’d sort of expect them to be the dictator type because of their egoism but they’re really not. It’s sort of like their egoism is a little card they play a bit too much

INFP: Can literally write paragraphs about how awesome you are when you’re feeling down. Or just when they’re happy about something. They write a lot of positive paragraphs

ENTJ: Really bad at understanding jokes like they take them too seriously and try to understand the meaning and if it’s a joke about them, they’ll say “Is that really a problem with me? You should’ve told me earlier before announcing it, gosh”

INTP: Probably the most extroverted introvert like they can easily rap in front of a stranger when asking a question but get so exhausted after a few hours and need like 9 hours of sleep but they can also be like a monkey when they’re hyped but they never actually sleep so yeah, your local mad scientist with issues??

INTJ: They’re really hard to communicate with at first but once you get under their skin enough, they’re one of the best people to sit around with and do almost nothing

ESTP: They can make anything seem funnier than it really is and they repeat the same short joke all the time and the joke doesn’t seem to lose its worth. And they never forget things really so they’re probably the best people to have inside jokes with

Love can be a miracle, darling

Pairings: Harry x reader in the beginning, Draco x reader in the end

Word count: 2281

Requested: Hey, can you write a Harry Potter x Reader where they have been dating for a while but the reader caught Harry cheating on her with Cho and they have a huge fight. After that, she keeps crying and Draco tries to cheer her up and they kiss. Pleaseeeee <3 by @partyiinthedungeons

A/N: I hope you like it and sorry for posting it so late. I did my best to finish it today because of my full schedule. Sorry for the mistakes because i am sure there are and let me now what you think ♥ 

Originally posted by crystelgreene

Being Harry Potter’s girlfriend had it advantages and disadvantages. The good part was the loyal friends you got by your side and the bad…well the bad are the slytherins always trying to offend you somehow. Well, they were mostly hostage toward Harry not me but the fact I was ready to kill everybody who had said something bad about him was enough for a way the others to mockery him.

But besides the bad attitude we got in fifth year, I was more than happy to be with him. Half of the school thought he was a liar, a boy wanting an attention and I were just a chick using him to become famous and so on. However, Harry never paid so much attention to those words but I did. I tried not to but it was hurting to hear such lies. Harry was so nice to stay hours after curfew to calm me down, to say he loved me and that’s all that mattered. He even said that if I wanted we would break up so he could see my smile again. I, of course, punched him slightly always exclaiming that he was much more important than some stupid students.  

We were going to Hogsmeade on dates, drinking butterbeers, shopping at Zonko’s, we basically tried everything there for such a short period. I did my best to stay focused when helping him with his homework but usually ended making out on the sofa in the common room. That led to an angry Hermione who didn’t skip an opportunity to remind us we were falling behind with it. But let’s come to the present where the interesting part is.

Today was just an ordinary Saturday. We had finally finished another rough week. Early in the morning I woke up and after dressing up, I headed towards the library. There was an hour till breakfast so I decided to spend it while searching information for Snape’s essay.

“Hey (Y/N)! Why are you awake so early?”, Hermione’s voice ranged through the empty library.

“I just want to get something done. I don’t want to fall and spending time with Harry isn’t helping me.”, smiling I sat down next to her.

“You managed to find the truth! Only for that I will lend you my notes, but don’t tell the boys.”, we both laughed and after promising I would not each one of us continued her work.

“If we don’t hurry we will miss the breakfast. Come on.”, I packed my things and with my friend we exited the room going straight to the Great Hall.

There weren’t a lot of people but our boys were already on the Gryffindor table. Harry was reading something while Ron was eating…a lot, as usual. A smirked appeared on my face as I went to my boyfriend as quiet as I could. He was facing me with his back so I used this opportunity to cover his eyes, well specifically his glasses. The boy jumped due to being surprised. His hands left the newspaper and touched mine trying to identify the person messing with him.

“(Y/n)!”, my boyfriend exclaimed seconds later and turned around to face me. There was a smile on his face which caused me to smile, too. I sat down next to him placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Don’t tell me you are still reading those lies.”, I took the newspaper from his hands but Hermione did the same to me, making the research instead of us.

“Well, you were late, so we had to take it.”

“You two are disgusting.”, Ron noted as he continued to eat.

“You will be too when you find a girl, oh my pardon, if you find a girl.”, Hermione retorted as she closed the paper and put it in her back.

We all laughed while Ron gave Granger a dead look.

“What are we doing tonight?”, although it seemed as an ordinary question, it wasn’t. Since some weeks, we were training spells in out secret group, or so called D.A.

“We have a studying session at 8 pm. as always (Y/n), how can you forget about it?”

“Oh, sorry Harry but when I see you I forget everything.”, we usually played this game of being so in love only to make no suspicions but we did enjoyed it, it always amused us.

After we finished our lunch we went to the lake. The weather was fantastic and neither one of us wanted to spend the whole day locked in the castle. We sat down next to a tree trying to stay in its shadow and began doing our homework. I can’t say we desired to do it but there was a trip to Hogsmeade tomorrow and I didn’t want to miss it because of stupid two meters long essays. Harry and Ron were complaining instead of working, Hermione used her energy to quarrel with Ron while I and Harry laughed at their ‘family problems’. The time was passing by and soon dinner came. After we were done, we agreed to go to the Required room separated so Umbridge won’t be able to catch us.

“What are you going to teach me today, Mr. Potter?”, I teased my boyfriend as we were heading towards our wanted direction.

“Someone is eager for knowledge? You should spend less time with Hermione.”

“Oh, shut up!”, I punched him slightly and laughed, “You are just jealous that I’m coping with school, while you might be failing.”

“That huts. That’s it! You made me cry, what kind of a girlfriend are you?”

“Come here and let me kiss you, you’ll feel better.”, leaning closer we shared a kiss that would had definitely turned out in a heated one if it wasn’t somebody’s cough to make us separate.

“Hey there lovebirds! You can continue that later, we have a work now.”, Fred Weasley smirked and entered the Required room. We followed his actions.

This time Harry showed us some others spells. I was with Neville who surprisingly was doing much better than me. I was doing well to be honest, practicing with Ginny, Ron, Harry, but maybe like 30 minutes later I didn’t fail to notice something. Cho Chang, a ravenclaw girl Harry used to like in his fourth year, was now watching my boyfriend carefully, trying to get his attention. That made me mad and that’s why I got hit my Neville’s spell that paralyzed me for a moment.

“I hit her, I did it!”, Neville screamed at top of his lungs happily, “Sorry (Y/n).” He then came closer and helped me stand.

“No problems. I am happy you did it, Neville.”, he was so happy that I couldn’t tell him I wasn’t paying enough attention to block the spell.

No matter what I did afterwards was, to put it mildly, horrible. I tried to practice but my eyes were glancing and Cho and Harry. I knew he was helping her but I didn’t like she was doing poor just for his attention. Harry was observing everybody and when he saw my actions he came closer and gave Neville time for a rest.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”, I could read the care in his eyes and it made me feel a little better. Besides everything Harry was with me, not with her.

“I’m fine now.”

“If you wanted to train with me you could have just asked.”

Till the end of the lesson I was actually getting more and more capable of using the new spells. Deep inside me I felt pleasure to show Cho I was better that her. When the ‘class’ was over we were heading out by three. I wanted to stay and help Harry to clean but he refused, telling I’d better go and rest. I listened to him and left the room with Hermione and a tall Hufflepuff boy. We were already on the stairs when I realized I had forgotten my barrette.

“Wait for me, I’ll be back in a minute.”, after notifying Hermione I ran upstairs.

The door was slightly open. Cursing the stupid people who left it that way I entered the room but stopped where I was. My eyes widen when I saw Harry and Cho kissing in front of me. She had put one of her hands on his face, while Harry had placed his hands on her both sides. My eyes were filled with tears by now.

“How could you?”, was the only thing my mouth let out. I felt a strange feeling in my throat, not letting me to breathe or talk anymore. Harry and Cho jumped away from each other, both looking at me as a deer looking at the headlights coming towards her.

“(Y/n), I-”

“Don’t!”

I exited the room and ran in some direction not caring where I was going. Suddenly I felt somebody grabbing my hand and spinning me around. It was Harry with his messy hair and sad face.

“Stop.”, he said softly.

“Let me go, please. Let me go!”, I managed to find my voice again and screamed at him.

“It’s not what it seems.”

“Oh, really? Because it seems you still love Cho and was messing with me the whole time!”, he didn’t know what to say, he did try but nothing came out, “Have you ever loved me, Harry? Have you?”

“Of course I have, I still do.”

“Do not lie to me! Do not!”, licking his lips, the boy was about to talk but I interrupted him, “I cannot believe you used me like this.”

“I-I didn’t, I-”

“Are you sure because stuttering like this now shows me I am right.”, I bit my lips trying to prevent the others tears to roll down my face, “Look at me, look at my eyes and say you did not use me to forget Cho or to fucking make her jealous! Look at me for god’s sake and say it!”

But the boy was still looking at his feet ashamed.

“I loved you, Harry. Everything I have ever said was true. I showed you my feelings, I gave you my heart…and for what? To be your little toy!? To be the girl you would go to if Cho didn’t like you back?! To be the second option?! Fuck you Harry!”, I screamed at his face, spun around on my heels and attempted to get away from him.

“No, (Y/n), wait!”

“Don’t you dare touch me again or call me, Potter. Don’t you dare!”, this time my voice was low, almost calmly but I felt how he trembled from it. I didn’t mean to threaten him but his presence was no longer wanted around me.  

After minutes of walking I ended in the Astronomy tower. I sat down and let myself cry out all the pain inside me. How could he do this to me? I believed him when everybody thought he was a liar, I was beside him every time he was bullied…and what did I get? A knife in the back! As I was sobbing a voice spoke beside me.

“I see there are troubles in heaven, huh?”

“What do you want Draco? I am not in the mood for your stupid jokes”, but as soon as I turned to face him, his expression changed. With some steps he came next to me and kneeled down.

“Hey, hey. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was that serious.”, he spoke with a soft and caring voice, something I’d never thought I would hear from him.

“Don’t act as you care.”

“I do care if you haven’t noticed, darling.”

Looking at him, especially at his eyes, some moments ran through my mind. He had always been good to me, never saying bad about me, helping me in Potions, not gloating when I fail… For the first time I felt I could tell him what happened, what I was feeling and he would care about it. All those small details were showing something deeper and complicated to be explained.

“I-Ha-Harry cheated on m-me.”, saying those words out made me sob again. Draco wrapped his hand around me, getting me closer for a hug.

“Hey, look at me.”, with his forefinger he lifted my chin up so now I was facing him, “He doesn’t deserve your tears.” He remover some of them, “He doesn’t deserve your love. You have to stand up, smile and show him what he has missed. Show him you are happier without him. You are the one who deserves better – somebody who would do anything for you, and by anything I really mean anything. You are so kind, funny, just amazing. I cannot explain it but each time I see you, my mood changes. I become more gleeful just because of hearing your voice, laugh or seeing the spark of joy in your eyes. You deserve somebody that can make you feel the same way you make me feel… ”

Without thinking I leaned closer and connected our lips. The kiss was salty due to my tears but was enough to make me feel butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t feel it only with my body; I felt it with my soul. It warmed me up, made me feel loved. That kiss wasn’t like the kisses I’d shared with Harry. It was kind of passionate but showing things that could hardly be explained even from the hand of a skillful poet. It was something not to read about but to feel it.

“I’ve never thought you could be showing such emotions.”

“Love makes miracles with everybody, darling.”, he smiled and leaned for another kiss.  

I am a millennial. Generation Y. Born between the birth of Aids and 9/11, give or take. They call us the global generation. We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it’s because we’re the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it’s because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world; an indifference to suffering. I know I did anything I could to not feel: sex, drugs, booze. Just take away the pain. Take away my mother, my asshole father, the press, and all the boys I loved who wouldn’t love me back. Hell, I was gang raped. Two days later, I was back in class like nothing happened. I mean that must’ve hurt like hell, right? Most people never get over stuff like that and I was like, “let’s go for Jamba Juice”. I would give everything I have, or will ever have, just to feel pain again. To hurt.
—  Madison Montgomery, AHS Coven
Humans are Weird-Death

Hey guys, so I wanted to add to the humans are weird thing that’s going around, and this kinda came to me in the shower, so…enjoy?

Zah Rem was dying. They knew it the moment the Ra-Sek corridors of the station began to feel cold. It had been easy to dismiss the chill at first. The Humans always kept the main corridors to a barely tolerable 24 degrees Celcius, the Terran unit of heat. So Zah Rem had kept to Ra-Sek corridors, content to survey the movement of their officers from the comfort of warmer areas.

But then they had Stopped in the Ra-Sek sustenance area. The area was used infrequently as most of the new officers preferred to communal sustenance area, and so some time had passed before a Terran ensign accidentally stumbled across them. The human had run to get help, and that’s how Zah Rem found themself in the infirmary, a heat unit glowing above their bed as machines monitored every pulse of their internal fire.

To the Ra-Set, the Cooling was a very private matter. It was some small mercy really- a natural death for a Ra-Sek happened over the course of only days, and after the initial passing ceremony the Ra-Sek left the dying in peace to contemplate their life. At least, that’s how it had been before.

A human, mouth closed in a Ra-Sek neutral expression, sat at the end of their bed, eyes occasionally flicking between the machines and their pad. This one was the human counterpart of Zah Rems previous station and they knew this one well. She would not be leaving unless the dying process miraculously reversed. Humans always seemed to treat this like a logical possibility.

Zah Rem had lived such a long time, even for a Ra-Sek. They had seen the rise of space travel for their people, the first contacts with other races, some friendly, some hostile. They had seen stars flicker out of existence. And then, they had seen the arrival of Terrans. What a ludicrous, terrifying thing that had been.

The humans had arrived in strange, nonsensical machines seemingly only barely capable of long distance space travel. Most of them had arrived asleep. The Ra-Sek had initially been very wary of this smaller race. Humans could regulate their own body temperatures. Humans lived short lives but took life-threatening risks, seemingly for pleasure. Humans reproduced quickly and freely, having offspring even in space, so far from their own world. Humans would fight, losing limbs they could not regenerate, and then fight more.

In short, they were too dangerous not to make allies of. And so the Ra-Sek had, and in their many years, Zah Rem considered this one of the wisest choices of their people. The humans had helped them explore planets previously thought uninhabitable. They had seen human shipmates run headfirst into aggressive unknown flora and fauna and categorize it, collect it, and make it known. In one instance, they had seen the entire brunt of humanity brought to bear on a now extinct warmongering race, simply because this race had been dubbed “bullies that don’t play fair”.

The human shifted in her chair. “Hey dragon, still alive?”

Zah Rem exhaled a plume of steam. They knew this word referred to them, and that it was a reference to a Terran creature that may have never even existed. They had seen a picture once, and they did see the similarities to a Ra-Sek. That didn’t mean they had to answer.

The human sighed and flicked her eyes up and across, a human gesture of annoyance. “I know you’re alive, your monitors are going. I wanted to ask if you need anything.”

“Need? I am dying, there is nothing more I need.”

The human curled her upper lip, almost perfectly mimicking the Ra-Sek gesture of annoyance. Human mimicry really was uncanny. “I know that, but, is there anything you want? Water? Food? A book? Are you just…gonna sit there until it happens? Aren’t you…y’know, uneasy?”

Now that was a strange word to use for this state, and Zah Rem wondered if their translator had translated the Terran Common incorrectly. “Uneasy? Why would I be…Uneasy?”

The general shifted in her chair again, suddenly transfixed by her pad. “Well, I mean, are you…afraid?”

Zah Rem tilted their head, trying to mimic a gesture they had seen humans use. “Why would I be afraid? I am dying, this is a normal process for all living things.”

The human seemed frustrated, and Zah Rem once again saw the wisdom of their own tradition of leaving the dying to cool in peace.

“I know that! I just mean…aren’t you afraid of what happens next? Like, to you…after you die?” her shoulders curled inwards.

After…death? Zah Rem snorted. “Nothing happens after death. Death is the end of life…is it…is it not so for Terrans?” A pang of fear twitched in Zah Rem’s core. Humans…died completely, true? They thought of all their deceased human shipmates the other humans had burned, or buried under soil, and suddenly they were…uneasy.

The general waved at the air “Don’t call us that. And yeah, yeah, human’s die all the way too-“Relief. “But, some humans…we have this…idea, that a part of us, the sentient part, lives after we die. And, I don’t know where it goes, but death comes to collect it, and guide it to where it’s supposed to go next.”

“Death…comes? As in, the concept of death is…sentient? and… travels to the location of the dying to take their consciousness? Where? Why?” Zah Rem’s internal fire quivered, and the monitors began to chirp and hum in complaint.

“Woah woah take it easy!” Their human counterpart stood, touching their forelimb gently. This gesture would have been aggressive among Ra-Sek, but they had long since learned that humans touched other beings freely. Her hand was warm, and the heat soothed Zah Rem’s own heat. The monitors quieted.

“Y’know what? Forget I said anything, it’s just a dumb Terran myth. You wanna see this picture of a cat I found?”

And, for once, Zah Rem really, really did.

The next few days passed quietly. Healers checked the monitors as discreetly as possible and the general was a constant presence, sneaking back in every time the Ra-Sek healers shooed her out. For the most part, she worked on her pad, guiding the directors of her officers. Zah Rem was mildly envious of this, but they felt the cooling settling in, and they were content to reflect on past action instead.

Well, mostly content. Try as they may, Zah Rem could not shake the idea of death as a sentient presence, and tendrils of fear began to snake into the waiting, fear that, like in so many impossible ways, the humans might be right about death. They did not want their consciousness to be taken. They took to scanning the room when their human wasn’t looking.

This fear was probably what exacerbated the process. It happened suddenly, their internal temperature falling, falling, and the general was shouting, calling for help and Zah Rem knew they were beyond help, nothing could help, but they were so afraid of Death being attracted by the cries, if only they could-

And suddenly they were alone in a space that was not bright, and was not dark. They…no longer felt cold, but not warm either. It made Zah Rem…uneasy. And then they heard footsteps, and in the distance there was a small flicker of light.

The light drew closer and closer, and with it Zah Rem began to make out a figure in strange clothing. The figure wore long, black clothing that flowed downward, with a hood that obscured the head. It was carrying a long stick with what looked like a small ball of fire on top. They also saw the glint of long, sharp looking metal, reminiscent of a Terran knife.

Zah Rem bared their teeth. A weapon. This must be Death. If it was, it wouldn’t steal their sentience without a fight.

The figure closed in.

“Stop. Come no further.” Zha Rem growled. “I am Zah Rem of the Ra-Sek. I have seen races rise and fall. I have seen stars flicker out of existence. I have fought alongside humans. I will not let you take my consciousness.”

There was a moment of silence. And then a strange sound came from the hooded figure. A soft, musical sound, not unlike a Ra-Sek trill, very much like…a human laugh. The figure lowered it’s hood.

Of course, Death would be a human.

Zha Rem felt the anger leave them all at once. The human smiled, mouth closed, and reached its dark hand out to touch Zha Rem’s forelimb. Their touch was warm, and Zha Rem felt the warmth coil around  their core, lighting it once again.

“Are you ready to come with me?”

And Zah Rem found they were.

{PART 16} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; You begin to regret revealing all the details about your painful, tragic past to Jungkook. Meanwhile, Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin share their knowledge with each other in the hopes of figuring out what intentions lie behind Yoongi’s actions.

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time)

{Part 1} // {Part 15} {Part 16} {Part 17}

Keep reading

You Could Be Twins - (Peter Parker & Tom Holland AU)

Prompt: Peter Parker meets Tom Holland

Warnings: Fluff, mistaken identity 

Word Count: 1,098

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: This is a crossover. Enjoy!

~Masterlist~

“Ned I don’t know if this is such a good idea to go to this party. We aren’t even popular” Peter told his best friend.

“Peter come on this is going to be great. Maybe this will be your in with Y/N” Ned reminded him.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Okay...weird shit happejed to you throuout yojr life, but has anything happened on Halloween specifically (other than you selling your soul to a demon)

Alright, it’s time for the requested and promised Ouija Board Story™

Listen, before I start this I wanna put a REALLY STRONG trigger warning on it- I really, truly recommend you not read this if you’ve been affected by suicide or get very easily freaked out by thoughts of death and the afterlife. I am not fucking kidding around here, okay? Someone in my family killed themselves over the summer and I’ve been trying so hard to not think about this whole event, because it’s terrifying to imagine anyone I know in this situation. Really think about it before you keep reading, okay? While this is an interesting and cool story I’m posting for Halloween, I don’t wanna get anyone too freaked out. If you think this is gonna mess with you or sit with you, just keep scrolling. 

This happened in 2015. My friend Zoe (@commando-rogers) decided to have some friends over for Halloween, because like, who doesn’t want plans on Halloween, right? Also there was Alexa (@starshiprangpr), Patricia (@trishaslats), Liz, and Ian (I don’t know if they have accounts if they do I’ll add them later). I’ve known these guys for years, so it was sure to be a fun night. 

Now, like. I’m bored with life. I’m freshly 20 years old. It’s Halloween. I’m dressed like Mabel Pines. I’m ready to fucking party. And we did have, you know, regular, normal fun at first- ate junk food, joked around, stuff like that. Average hangout. But then, a few hours into the night…Zoe pulls out a fucking Ouija Board. 

I’m immediately on the other side of the room, tbh. I’m very interested in paranormal stuff, and I was raised Catholic, and I’m also not a dumbass, so I know not to fuck around with Ouija Boards. You just don’t use them, ever! It’s never a good idea! Even if nothing talks to you through it, you’re still opening yourself up for something to happen. But I also knew this was five against one, so I didn’t stand much of a chance complaining. I conceded to watching whatever happens from a safe distance on the couch and not actually touching the board. Lord knows, I insisted, with my luck? Touching the board will get my ass possessed. 

The girls seemed to somewhat agree with me on that- Ian was the only person who agreed to use the board with Zoe. Ian’s a very smart, logical guy, you know, like the token genius asshole friend that you love to death even if he gets a little condescending occasionally? Love the guy. But he was pretty sure it was all bs and nothing would happen, versus Zoe’s deep belief in the paranormal, so they made a bit of a weird pair working the board. I remember texting my friend Raychel about what was about to happen, and getting the response “YOU MOTHER FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE FIT ALL THE HORROR MOVIE ARCHTYPES GET YOUR BULLSHIT TOGETHER AND DONT DO THIS”. And I agreed with her, honestly, but I did actually have a strong curiosity to see if anything would happen. Zoe had told me all about her trying to use the board by herself before (bad!!! idea!!!)- she said she never got any words out of the board, but her camera or phone or whatever she was trying to film the session with would always malfunction or die unexpectedly. No one expected what happened though. 

Now, before I really start, I wanna say- could this have all been an elaborate hoax by Ian or Zoe? Sure. Absolutely. Believe that if you want- but Zoe was so freaked out and even got all shook when we were going over details the other day, and Ian seemed really rocked, and honestly I can’t think of anything they’d get out of keeping up a ruse on it for two years now, especially when people they’re good friends with were literally crying during this mess, so…I really don’t think this was fake. Like, I want to believe it was fake. As I mentioned in the trigger warning, this has really stuck with me and been bugging me as of late, so if one of them suddenly fessed up that it was a prank? I would fucking jump for joy! But it doesn’t look like that’s the case (otherwise, they’re just, you know, dicks by this point). So, anyway, whether you believe it or not, just know that I am absolutely not lying about anything that happened in this story. I’m recounting everything truthfully. 

Okay, so…Ouija Boards have rules, you know? You have to be polite, say hello and goodbye even if nothing speaks to you, you have to keep at least two fingers on the planchette and ‘charge’ the piece, I’m not going over all the guidelines right now. And also, when a living person is manipulating the planchette…Like, you can tell. You can feel it. Zoe and Ian charged the piece, we all said hello, and we waited in silence. 

Zoe asked ‘Is there anybody here?’

Nothing happened for a long moment, but then…the planchette slowly started sliding towards ‘YES’. 

Ian was trying to look like his eyes weren’t wide, and going ‘Zoe! Zoe are you moving it!’ but Zoe was already having a mild freak out, her voice higher then normal and repeating ‘Holy shit holy shit holy shit!’ (like I said…she’s a deep believer in the paranormal). 

When it finally landed on yes, she took a deep breath and tried to seem a bit, I guess, politer. “Um, okay, hi, I’m Zoe? This is Ian and our other friends. What’s your name?”

…K…E…V…I…N.

Patricia made some joke about the name but got shushed. 

“Are you…usually in my house?”

‘NO’.

“Are you…here for someone?”

‘YES’.

We’ve only been at this for a few minutes and there was already that feeling in the air- you know, the one that gets over described every time anyone recounts a paranormal experience? Just a heavy feeling in the air, a twisted feeling in your gut, the feeling that someone is right behind you. Tension was building even though nothing had really happened to warrant it yet. 

“Who are you here for, Kevin?”

The planchette starts to slide towards the ‘I’. Cue to five girls yelling “IAN” in high pitched, worried (and some teasing) voices as the boy in question’s eyes are flying out of his head. 

It spells out the rest of his name. Zoe asks, “Is there anything you want to say to Ian?”

…H…E…L…L…O.

Me, an asshole who needed to cut some tension before she got sick: “Hello from the other side~~~~~~”.

Pillows were thrown at me.

The board respelled ‘Hello’. 

I will literally never forget the awkward forced smile on Ian’s face, or the raised eyebrows, or the way his confused voice cracked when he said, “…Hi, Kevin?” 

…H…I.

“How do you know Ian?”

…F…R…I…E…N…D…S.

Ian looked at is, giving an insistent whisper of “I don’t know any dead Kevins!”

That had us all stumped for a few moments, before “Do you think maybe like, past lives?”

Zoe asked Kevin if that was right. The planchette flew to the ‘YES’. 

“So Ian was your friend in his past life then? Who was he?”

…E…V…A…N.

“Evan! So how did Evan die?”

…C…A…R.

“Oh. Were you, like…with him?”

‘NO’.

“How did you die then?”

Nothing happened for a few minutes, the piece didn’t move an inch. They recharged it and Zoe tried again. “Was that a rude question? Do you not want to talk about that?”

‘YES’.

“I’m so sorry, we’re not trying to be rude.”

…F…I…N…E.

We started brainstorming for better questions (Zoe or Ian had to be the ones to formally ask, though). 

“Where were you from?”

…O…H…I…O.

“And what year did Ian die?”

(I’m going to admit here that I can’t remember the exact year, it was definitely around the 1920′s or 30′s, though. We all thought it was a bit odd that the death year wasn’t exactly close to Ian’s birth year)

“What year did you die?”

He spelled out the same year. 

“Oh? Um…how long after Evan did you die?”

A long pause, and then: …W…E…E…K. 

“But you didn’t reincarnate like Ian?”

‘NO’. 

“Why not?”

The board fell silent again. They recharged. “Sorry. Um…Why did you decide to find Ian in his current life?”

…B…E…S…T…F…R…I…E…N…D. 

Before we could all start flat out cooing at that, it kept going, spelling out ‘…S…A…F…E.’

“Oh, so you’re his guardian angel?”

…C…L…O…S…E. 

“Close?”

No response. “Okay…How did you know Ian was Evan?”

…H…I…S…E…Y…E…S. 

(cue everyone going ‘awwwww’) “You have the same eyes when you reincarnate?”

‘YES’. 

“So…what were you doing before Ian was born?”

It fell silent again. 

“Kevin? We’re sorry?”

…F…I…N…E. 

“What did you mean by ‘close’ to a guardian angel? Are you not an angel?”

‘NO’.

“So…what are you, then?”

…S…T…O…P.

“Okay, sorry. Um…Is anyone else here with you?”

…Y…E…S.

“Who’s here with you?”

…D…E…A…T…H.

DEATH.

WHEN I TELL YOU WE SCREAMED. No one was Goddamn prepared for an answer like that! We’re just a bunch of asshole teens! None of us actually wanna die! What the fuck!!!! 

While we were all busy freaking out and trying to rationalize, Zoe managed to choke out a “Is…Death here for someone in this room?!”

‘NO’. 

“Is Death going to effect someone in this room?”

‘NO’. 

That got us to all calm down slightly, but….We were literally just told DEATH IS AMONG US. We were still freaking out, and were trying to figure out what Kevin meant by that. After a while though, something clicked. 

“Kevin? Does Death just have to be with you in order for you to talk to us?”

‘YES’.

THIS.

THIS LITERAL GODDAMN GHOST GOT PISSED OFF AT US.

AND SAW THE OPPORTUNITY TO FUCKING TROLL A BUNCH OF SHITTY TEENS. 

AND HE GODDAMN TOOK IT.

I HAVE NEVER RESPECTED A MAN MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I STILL CANNOT GET OVER THIS. Eternal hats off to you, Kevin, oh my God.

We all slowly recovered from that scare, a little more wary about pissing Kevin off but also…more curious, because there was a lot to ask and a lot he seemed to want to hide. 

“Um…so is Heaven and all that real?”

A very, very long pause. Zoe and Ian almost went to recharge and try a new question, but then it slowly slide over to ‘YES’. 

The pause seemed to make it clear it wasn’t something he really wanted to go into. But, “So…what’s Heaven like?”

A long pause. …D…R…E…A…M.

“…And…is hell real?”

The planchette immediately flew around the board, spelling: …N…I…G…H…T…M…A…R…E.

None of us really knew what to say about that. 

We asked a few more questions, but Kevin still didn’t want to talk about himself that much. He liked talking about Evan, though (After this night, we had a running joke for a little bit about ‘cant believe we’re shipping Ian with a ghost’. There were some ‘implications’ I remember we all picked up on) But he still avoided questions pertaining to him. Zoe had a very worried look on her face around this point. She had been very curious about Kevin’s unwillingness to talk about certain topics, and things were slowly piecing together in her mind. She tried once more to get answers. “Kevin, I’m really sorry for asking, but I just- Um, I’m sorry, but did you kill yourself?”

There was a bright flash in the room. 

That made everyone jump and look around- we had caught it in the window, but we couldn’t see anyone outside or around the house. Zoe’s parents and brother were upstairs. We couldn’t find anything that would have caused it. It was just a flash, but we were completely alone and with the timing of the question…Well, everyone was unsettled about it. 

We eventually settled back down and recharged the board. “Kevin?…Did you?”

Slowly, it slid towards the ‘YES’. 

“…Because Evan died?”

‘YES’.

“And…that meant you couldn’t be reborn?”

‘YES’. 

“So…what happened?”

It stayed still. 

I had a very sick, sinking feeling in my stomach at this- I’d gone to Catholic school for 9 years, and I knew suicide is classified as a sin. In the more modern times the Church stopped being awful about it, always prayed for suicide victims and didn’t deny them burials anymore and always told the families the same spiel about being in God’s hands, but…It was still considered a mortal sin none the less. I told the group as much. 

Zoe said in a small voice “Were you…in hell?”

A long pause. ‘YES’. 

Fuck.

“Um…for how long?”

…F…O…R…E…V…E…R.

“That’s why you’re not a guardian angel then? Because you were in hell?”

…D…E…M…O…N.

“How did you…get out to find Ian?”

…L…I…L…I…T…H.

We’d all been on edge with the turn of the conversation, but that. Fuck. I nearly lost it at that. Zoe and the other’s asked who Lilith was, because she’s not common curriculum, but, well, short story answer- She was created before Eve, but she didn’t want to submit to Adam, so she was tortured to give birth to a dead child every day, but other accounts and stories of her do go on to say she became a lead torturer/essentially queen of hell. Fucking. 

Lilith let you out of hell?”

…Y…E…S.

“Why? Like what for?”

…I…D…O…N…O…T…K…N…O…W.

“You don’t….You have no idea why they let you out?”

‘NO’. 

“So you found Ian and became his…Guardian demon? Is that a thing?”

…Y…E…S.

“Does everyone have one?”

…Y…E…S. 

“Do I have an angel or a demon?”

…D…E…M…O…N.

Zoe, even though she’d been talking to a seemingly reasonable demon all night, looked a little worried about that. Back then we had a running joke in our friend group that Zoe was Satan, and well “Um, do I have a demon because of all the jokes I make?”

…Y…E…S.

“Um??? I’m sorry? Fuck.” 

We were all a little #shook but trying not to laugh at the look on her face at that. She went on to check with Kevin that having a demon instead of an angel didn’t actually mean anything bad, she wasn’t in like, undead trouble or anything, the only difference is the demons are usually working off a debt or something versus the angels not…But when Zoe and I were going over this the other day, she did suddenly realize that she hasn’t made a single Satan joke since this night and she’d ‘feel weird if one was made now’. Make of that what you will. 

He said me and the other girls all had Angels (Shoutout to you, Sarah! I’m still kicking at 22!).

Patricia, however, wanted some proof that ‘Helena’ existed and was there for her. Which is reasonable. She asked if her angel wanted to tell her anything. There was a brief pause before the planchette spelled out: …E…R…I…K…I…S…G…O…O…D. 

We were y e l l i n g. Listen, I know that’s clearly not going to be convincing evidence to a bunch of random people reading this, but basically Erik had been dating her best friend at the time and she was just…Very worried about the relationship. Very worried. For many reasons.‘Erik is good’ is exactly the thing she needed to hear from a guardian angel. (And, spoiler alert from two years in the future: he IS good!) But like. She teared up hearing that. It was nice. 

We tried to stray into lighter topics than the whole hell thing, because, again, fuck- I remember thinking to myself at some point ‘this poor guy is after-living the plot to a really great book’- but none of us wanted to upset him again and none of us wanted to get anymore upset ourselves. Liz had already had a panic attack by this point (the hell talk obviously got to her), and she was actively trying not to sob as she asked if she could speak to any passed on family members. We were told pretty much everyone gets reborn and there was no one else around except for Kevin and the other guardians (and good ole’ Death, of course). 

Ian’s got a big birthmark on his face, right? It’s adorable and we often made a lot of jokes about it (fondly), so at some point, while trying to stay on lighter topics, someone asked ‘Did Ian have that birthmark in his past life?‘

…S…C…A…R.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard about that theory that birthmarks have to do with how you died in a past life, but….shook. We all started trying to figure out if we had any meaningful birthmarks. Zoe got further freaked out because she has one on her wrist and one on her temple. What the fuck did she theoretically get up to in a past life?

That was the last really substantial thing he gave us, all the other questions tapered off so we could try to pretend we hadn’t learned we were talking to a demon who went to hell for no seemingly good reason and also no one would be able to talk to dead loved ones. After we finally came to a loss for questions, and people started having to leave- we just did the proper ‘goodbye’ and everything, followed all the rules, put the board away and split up. Liz was still drying her eyes when she left. Ian was mumbling to himself and swearing up and down he didn’t fake all that.  Zoe was frantically researching the information we received and kept repeating that that was the craziest fucking thing that ever happened to her (and she actually did find some thread about guardian demons). We talked about it for a bit before I went home. 

And, it’s like…Again, this could be nothing. But it doesn’t feel like nothing. It feels like a shifted view because…Even if it’s not real, it’s still an outlook on the afterlife that I had never considered before, and it’s…horrifying? This whole night I’ve just never been able to shake, I can’t get it out of my head, because if it is true? Fuck. If it’s true, fuck. The whole drive home I couldn’t help but think ‘ignorance is bliss’. 

It just left me with so many questions, questions I literally don’t think you can get the answers to until it’s too late, and…I don’t know what to do about that. 

The Train

Pairing: Y/N and Harry

Word Count: 4201

Prompt: Y/N walks in, and Harry notices she’s wearing yellow again, this time it’s a yellow sweater with a pair of dark skinny jeans and brown ankle boots, her hair is pulled back into a pony tail with a white scrunchie with little smiling suns and he swears that he has to squint to look at her. “Oh! I know you-you’re the guy from the train,” Y/N beams, “Harry, right?” she sets down the tray of muffins.

 “I didn’t tell you my name,” Harry snaps.

 Y/N pouts, “well yeah, but I’m also not stupid,” she says. 

“Are you joining us today Harry?” the man asked, “I’m Seth, I run the group.”

“Why else would I fucking be here,” Harry grumbled.

 Y/N grabs a muffin, ignoring Harry’s sour attitude, “here, they’re made with love,” she smiled, holding out the blueberry muffin.

 “Fuck off,” Harry says. He watches as her smile fades and the glint in her eyes seems to disappear, for a split second Harry feels like a dick, but then he realizes he doesn’t care and Y/N should just shove the muffin up her ass.


Harry was annoyed.

It really hadn’t been his day at all. His morning was terrible, he woke up next to a blonde and he tried really hard to remember her name-only to fail. When he asked her to leave she insisted on making breakfast, to which Harry responded with “feel free to grab something and leave” and then he proceeded to shower. When he got out, the unknown girl stood in his kitchen making herself a smoothie and toast. Her red lips in a pout, “come on, you can’t be in that big of a rush,” Harry ended up calling security, she was crazy.

When he went into the studio he was blank, the songs he did come in with were rejected and he couldn’t find the energy or muse to write another one. He was out of inspiration, nothing amused Harry anymore. He found himself not enjoying the things he used to love, drinks seemed to be the only thing that made him feel something (and it was only for a little bit). He didn’t enjoy being surrounded by his friends and family, his love for writing was slipping through the cracks, and his energy was fading.

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my opinion on twenty one pilots 

  1. amelia earhart - first woman to fly across the atlantic ocean solo, i mean if that’s not badass what is 
  2. charles lindbergh - apparently his nicknames were slim, lucky lindy, and the lone eagle i guess that’s cool 
  3. bessie coleman - first black woman and first native american woman to hold a pilot’s license, also badass, a cool gal 
  4. jacqueline cochran - apparently one of the most gifted racing pilots of her generations, that’s rad
  5. bob hoover - it doesn’t say much about him but he’s wearing a cool hat in his photo, i approve
  6. louis bleriot - this dude has a big mustache
  7. buzz aldrin - you know him, you love him, good ol’ buzz
  8. steve fossett - first person to fly non-stop around the world in a balloon, i commend him 
  9. chelsey sullenburger - a true icon of our generation
  10. jeane yeager - the first non-stop, non-refueled flight around the world in the rutan voyager aircraft apparently? that’s sweet
  11. glenn curtiss - apparently he started as a bicycle racer, and was like you know what, let’s try out planes. this dude has ambition and i can respect that 
  12. hanna reitsch - germany’s most famous test pilot and a nazi, not cool
  13. dick rutan - apparently flew the same flight with jeane yeager yet the plane was named after him, rude. don’t like him and his name seems made up
  14. harriet quimby - first woman to gain a pilot’s license in the us and again, has a cool hat. idk what it is but pilot’s sure do like their hats 
  15. antoine de saint-exupéry - a rich french dude, i know nothing else about him
  16. dogulas bader - idk but he’s smoking a pipe in photo tho so obvious he’s going for some kind of look 
  17. wiley post - first pilot to fly around the world, like one day he just decided to do it, i mean good job i guess but i would not do that 
  18. howard hughes - a business man and owner of hughes aircraft company? apparently he had a lot of money?
  19. richard e. byrd - no personal feelings on this guy from the 5 seconds i spend researching the topic 
  20. raymonde de loche - she seems cool i like her
  21. amy johnson - john travolta was before her in google but i’m not putting him on this list, she’s got the typical aviator glasses on in the photo and seems cool. i like her

and thus concludes my opinion on twenty one pilots

anonymous asked:

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a little like writing or loving

for nursey week, day 2: “surprise or simplicity.”


“If that pen explodes in your mouth,” Dex says from the bathroom doorway, “I am not gonna feel bad for you.”

Derek startles–and does drop the pen out of his mouth–and looks up. “What?”

Dex cocks a brow at him, flicking off the bathroom light and flopping down on the hotel bed next to Derek’s. “You’ve had two pens explode in your mouth from chewing on them like that,” he says. His red hair is wet, tousled from where he must’ve run his hands through it after his shower, and he rolls onto his stomach, propping himself on his elbows to look at Derek. “What’re you glaring at, anyway?”

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Reckless

Prompt: @whothehellisbella‘s song challenge - I’m In Here by Sia

A/N:This. Was. A. STRUGGLE!!! I wound up outlining a whole series that I felt really went with this song (yet to come), and this is the blob that I wrote for a one shot in in its stead. It’s angsty af and sooooo damn long. Idk team. Idk.

Warning: aaaangst, poor relationship dynamics.

Word Count: 6247 I’m fainting. This is the longest fic I’ve ever posted. I’m done.

Originally posted by captaincentenarian

“She gonna be okay?” Tony asked, handing Steve a cup of the shitty black sludge that the cafeteria passed off as coffee. His sharp brown eyes scanning the windows for any glimpse of you through the partially closed blinds. The muffled steady beeping of the monitors was a comfort, at least.

“Think so,” Steve sighed, finally lifting his gaze from his feet to mimic Tony’s glances into the room. He’d been seated opposite your door with his elbows on his knees and his head buried in his hands since your arrival. “As long as the grafts take and she gets through the quarantine stage, she should recover alright.”

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You once said that a step towards recovery means I’ll need to break myself into pieces, darling I’ve been trying to put my heart back together. I like to step on myself sometimes, I don’t take compliments well because I don’t think too highly of myself. When you step on the same lego piece everyday even your ego starts to melt a little. You once said that if I find someone to hold my thoughts before I hold their heart– then maybe she’s the one. Or maybe there’s no one out there, who knows, right? We can circle around this a little longer than always, but I’ll always run back to the why. Why do I want to conquer my memories? Each city that I’ve built for them inside of my head is still bright and I’ve not let a single light bulb blow out, I’m so out of it– while thoughtlessly I’ve been reaching out of my head, my heart likes to beat me to it. It says that love can only be achieved if I chase after it. You once said that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Do you still believe in those words? Because if I’m not cruel to myself, I could be cruel to someone else. If I read enough books, do you think I’d finally own a chapter in my own life? If I open up some more, will I close off opportunities for myself to the prospect of loving myself? And what about them? Vanity is my master and I’m a slave. It’s okay to be a little vain sometimes, right? I’ve got it in my veins, maybe I’m the only honest one. You once said that if I trip over the same rock and stub my toe a million times within a week, you’d still say it’s okay. Like falling requires gravity to bend to my whispers. Like drowning demands my lies to swim back to shore. Like dying seeps through my eyes, how can I love if all I’ve got is missing pieces? You once said that a river flows like time and if I’m out of seconds– you’ll just record your voice saying I love you until I finally get it. I remember everything that love has to offer, but never the person. I remember the feeling of infection that is affection. And if I walk alone and get hit by a car, maybe it’s just another story that I won’t write. Some words live in between the lines, I’ve been seeing dualities. Life and death is just a kiss and hug. Black and white, storms and clouds are just pears and apples. Poetry and prose likes to sound sweet, but it’s the bitter bits of me that’s suicidal. Love and hate was born from strangers, so you never knew the difference between the moon and the sun– the lightness of tomorrow likes to coat the darkness of past days. Cigarettes and lung cancer, a dance of smoke that disguises itself as stress free, do you think I’ll die healthy? Drugs and my body, which one will make me feel better if I’ve been sweating for a week? You once said that we’re spinning around in a circle just waiting for someone to stop by– grab my attention and you can have my voice, steal from my hands and you can have my poems, which hurts more to have loved or to not have loved at all? An empty silence that’s so full of itself– I can’t hear myself think inside of my own head. I’ve got file cabinets tagged under read later, but I’m a sucker for love– so I feed into it. You once said if the sky breaks into a brighter day, you’ll be there. That is wishful thinking, my favorite kind. Words can’t give meaning to our story, but we still write. You once said that it has to mean something. Every statement paused long enough for several lifetimes to become real again. It feels like such a long time, but we’re still in love with them in there somewhere. It’s buried. It’s in a coffin, but it’s there and we know it. We can hear it. We can hear it. Fuck, we can hear it. That little beating that isn’t ours, it’s always theirs. And that’s my fear, you once said that maybe that’s my fate– I’m supposed to cling onto that strand of innocence, of who I used to be, to remember what it feels like to feel, it has to mean something. Giving meaning to nothing, my favorite pastime. Giving something to someone, the only way that I’ve been living. You once said that until I learn to keep more for myself, I’ll always end up in square one– alone, but as long as I’ve got you, it’s not true, right? Some thoughts like to sleep alone, that’s not one of them. Hold onto that piece of us, the poetic storm that is joy. Keep your kindness to a burn, a stretched out sunrise screaming your name is my simmer. I know about nothing and that’s my one redeeming quality. I know that I don’t know shit, and that’s why I write like this. I know that I don’t love like I used to, and that’s why I love like this. I know that I’m not the same person from last year, and that’s why my guilt likes to trip up. I know that I’m no longer in love with her, but I can’t seem to explain the empty feeling unless I spell her name backwards under a star somewhere that I can’t touch. I know that I’m still messed up, but I’m just taking advantage of my youth. You once said some people will get over you in a week, but it’ll take you a lifetime to get over someone. If forever is a drug then I’ve overdosed. If always is a lie then I’ll take the beautiful. If never is more and a secret is sore– then I’m sorry about the words that didn’t stop, I am trying. I am always trying. You once said that if we kiss the ocean long enough, the mountains will answer. I’ve buried my love letters on the highest mountain and emptied my heart into my art. If I live long enough to spread my wings, do you think I’d still be condemned? Life is too short to live in the past, but I can’t stop asking about my what ifs. Love is too long to just be over, but I’ll just keep painting over it with a new layer of red. If you’re still reading, then I’m still writing. This yin and yang battle of ours has no meaning. Tortured souls live in the canvas and I’ve seen enough chains– I shall be unbound someday. You once said I love you– darling, that’s the only fucking truth that I believe in. You once said that soulmates aren’t always lovers– I guess it’s just you. You once said that flowers don’t just bloom, they wilt– so I guess I’m just withered. You once said that if you had your way, I’d own the universe. You don’t get it. When you became my best friend, I got it.
—  You once said