i know i'm not funny you don't have to tell me

  • what she says: I'm okay
  • what she means: Can I say my shit? Can I say my shit? I've got lots of shit to say. I've got lots of shit to say. I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can, I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can. I can get my hand like four inches into the can but then I have to tilt the can into my mouth but then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can so they all go spilling onto my face. What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. I'll say it again. The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small. If you feel me, put your hands up, Come on! If you feel me, put your hands up! Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of a Pringle can! Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can, your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can. Pringles! Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get are about the width of your cans?! Just... make them wider?! I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry. I want to have a daughter. I want to have a daughter so I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in the Pringle can. Yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll move on, alright? But that is priority número uno. I don't go to the gym because I'm self-conscious about my body but I'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym. Irony can be so painful. That's a Catch-22. Let's do this! I went to Chipotle, I went to Chipotle, got myself a chicken burrito. I went down the line and I got all these ingredients and at the end of the line the guy tried to wrap the burrito but half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out. He still wrapped it. I was like, dude you should have warned me! You're a burrito expert, you should have told me halfway through: "Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here" Do you fucking think I want a messy burrito? No one wants a messy burrito! The whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained within the confines of the tortilla. I wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got half of it! Like, I'm okay with small mistakes, if you've got no more chicken I'll take pork. But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit. Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like half of it, like, half of it, like, half of it, like half of it right now,I think it's time I think it's time, I think that we break this down. I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are pringle cans, and burritos. The truth is, my biggest problem's you. I want to please you but I want to stay true to myself. I want to give you the night out that you deserve but I want to say what I think and not care what you think about it. Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of me needs you, part of me fears you. And I don't think that I can handle this right now, handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. Look at them, they're just staring at me like, "come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself." I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. They don't even know the half of this right now, they don't even know the half of it. But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show so I should probably just shut up and do my job so here I go. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got half. You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme and if they still don't understand you then you run it one more time. I don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) I don't think that I can handle this right now (Hoo!) If you think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) Right now (Haa!) Now, handle this right, handle this right, handle this right now.Thank you, good night! I hope you're happy.
Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!

anonymous asked:

Hi. I really like your drawings so I think you can help me. I draw myself and I've got one friend that shows me how to paint humans. But if she sees my pictures, she always laughs and says that they are funny. I don't feel really confident and her meaning means a lot to me, so I think my drawings are just "funny". First I were really proud of them, but then she always comes and laughs. What should I do? P.S. I'm sorry for bad english. I'm from germany.

Um. wow…

That’s how you DON’T teach someone how to draw.  The thing with criticism, an important thing you should listen to, is that first you should find the good things about something you’re up to criticise. 

Say there’s a very detailed colourful drawing but the anatomy is very, very bad. Maybe one leg is bigger than the other, maybe the eyes are different shape, BUT.

You say that, hey, I like your colours! (for example)! You found a good contrast harmony! You’ve put so many details into it! And only then you say (BUT IN A KIND POLITE WAY) what this person should fix. Tell them what is not the greatest about anatomy AND HOW fix it, say that hey! I love your details, but It’s better to first finish the general shape because details can distract from it. Or, if you criticise something first then at least say what’s good about it afterwards.

People who laugh at someone work, I feel like, have absolutely zero interest in your improvement or self-confidence. In my opinion, this kind of people just want to level up in their own eyes by bringing someone down. We all know just how destroying those kind of laughs can be to people who put so much into their work. 

You’ve put your time, your imagination, your sincerity into something that means a lot to you and this itself isn’t funny at all! Your friend should at least respect your effort, because not everyone is born immediately great and have to work their way up.

I’d say don’t listen to your friend and keep being proud of your drawings! And I think you should be proud! Don’t let anyone bring you down like this.

anonymous asked:

Bucky, I totally get the no hugging thing. Getting hugged makes me want to punch the hugger (most of the time; it's complicated; fucking sensory processing issues). People seem to figure out pretty fast that you don't do hugs. How would you recommend telegraphing an aversion to hugs, extended handshakes, arm pats, back pats, etc. to those around you, especially those who don't know you that well, for someone small, female, and (apparently) cute?

have you ever tried to pet a cat that didnt want to be petted? you have your hand directly over their spine, and as you lower it they just turn into a liquid and slide away, and you wind up petting the floor where they were. learn from the cats. 

to begin with, stand just outside easy arm’s reach with new people. it will make you seem a bit standoffish but will also make it take an awkward amount of effort to pat your shoulder or grab your arm. you can compensate for the physical distance by being actively engaged in the conversation, which i rarely bother with.  in social situations, find things to hold: a drink of some kind, your phone or wallet in the other hand, which means you dont have any hands free for hugs or handshakes. make the ‘sorry, cant, my hands are full’ shrug and smile when necessary. (or, if you are me, stare people dead in the eyes and scowl. that’s pretty effective.)  wear layers; distance the touch from your skin. with handshakes, having a limp grip is your enemy; instead, do a simple firm clasp and then release. usually people will get a ‘handshake over’ vibe easily after a you loosen, but if you’re limp-gripped the whole time, there’s no end signal.  and most people will get it–girls especially–if you just tell them youre not a big toucher. if youre down to give a white lie or two, say you’re getting over a cold and dont want to spread germs. 

when someone goes for a hug, close your body language; shoulders drawn up and head tilted down, hands close in towards center mass and elbows out, widening and sharpening your profile. this is the ‘im solid and pointy, dont grab me’ shape. add in widened eyes and a bit of a lean backwards and most people will get the idea that you do not want to be grabbed. feel free to say ‘sorry, not a hugger,’ if necessary, and possibly offer an alternative that you’re more comfortable with. people usually respond well to humorously-delivered overly-serious options like, ‘can we exchange Dignified Buisnessman Nods instead?’ or ‘the high-five of the emotionally stunted?’ this is a clint technique, and he rocks it when hes not feeling like being handsy with people. i just stick with my usual scowl and glare. as long as you make it clear that you dont dislike them, and arent trying to snub them, people tend to roll with alternative options. 

if theyre not okay with it or dont get the hint, find other people to hang out with. 

  • okay but elias woke up a little later today - he wasn’t planning on meeting the boys until much later - and he’s surprised when he runs into sana, smuggling food from the kitchen into her bedroom. she’s still in her pyjamas and she isn’t wearing any make up or anything, which, well, it’s nearly 1pm. so it’s a bit odd, especially for her.
  • elias asks her if she’s okay, and why she’s still in her pyjamas. and sana just shrugs and says, quite aggressively, “you’re still in your pyjamas.” and sometimes elias would bite back, tease her, but he also knows when to draw the line. and he can just see that sana’s not in the mood, so he just says, “any plans today?”
  • sana stares at him and shrugs, says, “nei”, then makes her way into her room, shutting the door, and elias leaves her be for a little bit. but a few hours later, elias notices she still hasn’t left her bedroom, which is kind of unlike sana. so he knocks on her door. 
  • she lets him in, but she’s kind of irritated; elias ignores it and says, “what’re you up to?” as he plonks himself on sana’s bed (which causes sana to sigh irritably, but she shuffles a little to give him space to get comfy anyway).
  • “nothing,” sana says irritably; dismissively. elias just looks at her and says, “okay” and waits to see if she elaborates. when she doesn’t, he says, “what was all that about last night?”
  • sana raises her eyebrows. “i’m allowed to have friends around, elias,” she snaps. “you do all the time.”
  • “yeah, but mine don’t drink in the house, and there’s never twenty of us,” elias replies fairly, but not unkindly. he looks at her, notices how deflated she seems, how upset she looks, and so he just says, “is everything okay?”
  • “yes,” sana says quickly. “everything’s fine.” which - okay, okay, sana isn’t in the mood for talking. that’s fine. so, elias says, “how about a movie?”
  • sana looks at him, frowning, and says, “what movie?”, and elias tells her that there’s this film on today, the one they used to watch all the time when they were little. and sana, despite herself, smiles at the memory, and laughs when elias does a (very bad) impression of one of the main characters. and elias thinks there is nothing that makes him quite as proud as when he makes his baby sister laugh.
  • they end up reheating leftovers from the other night and sit cross-legged on the sofa together, watching this film, which is funny but kind of cheesy and not actually as good as either of them remember it being, but it’s okay, because sana’s smiling a lot more now; seems more content.
  • elias’ phone rings just as the films ending and shit, time got away from him; he’d agreed to see the boys today. he picks up the phone and starts talking to them, to adam, and says, “just come over to mine, man, it’s chill, my parents are–” but then he catches sana’s expression; it’s small, subtle, the way her eyes fall to her lap and she prods at her food a little disinterestedly. maybe other people wouldn’t notice it, but elias does. so, he says, “actually, guys, sorry, film without me today, i forgot i made other plans.”
  • the boys erupt into indignant shouts about loyalty and how important their youtube channel is, but elias silences them, hangs up the phone, and sana says, “what other plans do you have?”
  • “well, they made a sequel to this film, and i think it’s stupid that neither of us have seen it”. and okay, he expects that to make sana smile, but instead she frowns and says, “but they aren’t airing the sequel at the moment.” so elias rolls his eyes, then says, “we’ll just have to find something else to watch, then.” and sana looks at him for a moment before rolling her eyes and saying, “okay. find something, then.”
  • she may not have said it, but she didn’t need to, because elias can already tell that sana’s feeling just that little bit better. and he’s so glad to see it, because he really hates seeing sana upset; can’t stand it, because despite how much he teases her, he truly does think there’s no one in the world who deserves happiness quite as much as his sister. and maybe that’s why, when they squabble over the last portion of food, elias lets sana have it. just this once.
Aftermath

Title: Aftermath
Characters: Hanji Zoe x Levi
Genre: Humor / Angst
Rating: T

@levihanweek​ Day 2: Nightmare

Levi’s Nightmare: Having a heart-to-heart with Pastor Nick.


“Are you worried about your wife?”

The question shocked him out of his musings.

Levi looked up, “My what?”

But the pastor was already speaking, “You’re obviously beside yourself with stress – and it’s understandable. Not knowing if your wife has survived-”

Levi cut him off, “My what?”

The pastor hesitated, apparently realizing he’d made some mistake, but misunderstanding precisely what it was. “Your…wife? The woman we traveled with before? She’s ah – forceful. You two uh – have the same, er – strident personality. When we first met, she dangled me off the wall.”

Keep reading

SNK Chapter 90 In A Nutshell
  • Soldier: So obviously we shouldn't tell the public about, you know. *Gestures at the basement*
  • Pixis: If we keep secret from the public doesn't that make us as bad as the guys we just overthrew?
  • Historia: Baldy's right. We're going public.
  • -----------------------
  • Newspaper guy: So basically we're the descendants of a minority race who can turn into titans and outside of the walls is a giant military that wants us all dead.
  • Levi: Hit the nail on the head. So how are people taking it?
  • Newspaper guy: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
  • Citizen 1: Well hey this is pretty interesting. It explains a lot.
  • Citizen 2: HA! You expect me to believe this?
  • Citizen 3: The government is spreading lies about an upcoming war so they can put us all in labor camps and fuck our wives while we're away.
  • Newspaper guy: Mixed reception.
  • ------------------
  • Hitch: Sup bitches, heard Marlow died a hero's death.
  • Flock: Yeah he ruled. When Erwin went down, he led the charge that let us take down the beast titan.
  • Flock: But in his dying moments, I'm pretty sure all he felt was regret.
  • Jean: Dude what the fuck.
  • Flock: Hey man I'm just spitting facts.
  • Flock: OH AND ANOTHER THING.
  • Flock: I still think the commander should've survived, not Armin. You know who else thinks that?
  • Flock: Literally everyone but Eren, Mikasa, and Levi. You know, the fucking assholes who put their emotions above common sense?
  • Eren: I will fight yo-
  • Flock: Oh shut the fuck up, Eren. I get that you're the main character and shit, but more matters than just what YOU feel. You should've given up and sopped pestering Levi, like Mikasa did.
  • Mikasa: *Shame*
  • Jean: We get it Flock, you have a small penis. Just let it go, alright?
  • Flock: OH, AND ANOTHER THING.
  • Flock: Jean, Connie, Sasha, none of you stopped Levi or Eren and Mikasa from fucking us all up the ass. You just stood there like a bunch of people with smaller penises than me.
  • Flock: Come on, I signed up to save humanity. If that's not what you're about, let people know before they join this organization.
  • Armin: ...Yeah, Flock's right. Commander Erwin should've lived.
  • Eren: You don't know that, Armin! Come on, we still know nothing about the world out there! You still haven't seen the ocean, right? There's so much to learn about the world, you can't give up! If we just go beyond the walls-
  • Eren: *Flashback to what happened to Faye when she went beyond the walls*
  • Eren: Fu-
  • ----------------------------
  • *Ceremony where Historia gives out rewards commences*
  • Eren, in his thoughts: I know that our situation is bleak, and if I can change I'd be willing to sacrifice my life. And yet, I can't bring myself to sacrifice Historia.
  • Note: This is a reference to how Eren know that, when he activated the coordinate, he was touching a titanized royal (Dina), so they might be able to activate it by titanizing Historia. But he didn't tell anyone.
  • Eren: *Kisses Historia's hand*
  • --------Memory is awakened in Eren----------
  • *Back when Grisha was confronting Freida, before he ended up killing them all*
  • Grisha: Come on guys just use your powers to kill everyone trying to kill the people I love so the people I love don't have to die.
  • Freida: *Glares at Grisha*
  • ---------------------
  • Narration: Anyways so the guillotines pretty much got rid of all the titans and they retook wall Maria. And there's almost no titans left on the island.
  • Narration: So I guess all the titans are killed. One thing off Eren's bucket list.
  • Narration: SO a lot of months passed and they set off to find the ocean.
  • Survey Corps: *Reaches Ocean*
  • Narrator: Another one off the bucket list. Productive day.
  • Everyone: *FLIPS THE FUCK OUT*
  • Eren: *Somewhat sullen, contemplative*
  • Eren: So... on the other side of that ocean, there's people who are going to try to kill us.
  • Eren: We aren't free yet. Is killing the people who oppose us what it takes to finally be free?
  • Fandom: Dude chill.
  • Fandom: Also who does your hair it's fabulous
  • ------------------
  • Sorry this wasn't as funny. hopefully it's easy to understand, at least.

gruntledbananafish  asked:

Hi there! I have a situation and I'm not sure what to do. I just joined a D&D campaign and I'm really enjoying it. However, one of the guys in the campaign made a rape joke in the middle of the session. Everyone kind of ignored it. I don't know the guy super-well so I'm not comfortable talking to him directly, but it really made me feel like shit, especially because I have some personal experiences (which I don't wanna disclose). Should I talk to the DM about this? What do I say?

I can’t tell you what to do, or how to feel in those situations. I can only tell you what I would do.

I would talk to the DM right away, and I wouldn’t apologize for my feelings. This is one of those things that I think is pretty binary: rape jokes aren’t okay, and I don’t want to be around anyone who thinks that they are. If the DM makes excuses or isn’t willing to take your concerns seriously, I would tear my character sheet up right there and leave the group.

The problem isn’t just that this guy thought it was okay to make that joke, but that everyone at the table didn’t have a problem with it. I don’t know how far you want to take it, and what your personal red line is, but I’d talk to the DM first, and then I would ask for a moment at the beginning of the next session to address the group about it.

I would say something like, “I really enjoy this campaign, and I like being part of this group. But the last time we played, I felt really uncomfortable when a rape joke was made at the table, and nobody seemed to have a problem with it. If I’m going to continue to be part of this group, I want you to know that I’m not okay with that. Maybe you don’t know that 1 in 4 women has been sexually assaulted or raped, and maybe you don’t know that when you make those jokes or go along with those jokes, you’re communicating to the women around you that you don’t take it seriously, and that you’re subtly communicating to the men around you that rape and assault isn’t a big deal. Literally every woman I know has been sexually harassed at some point in their lives. More than half have been sexually assaulted, and I know several rape survivors. Rape jokes aren’t funny to me.

“I hope that this was a thing that was just sort of blurted out, that wasn’t considered, that doesn’t reflect your values or who you are. Like I said, I’m having a really good time being part of this campaign, but if this sort of thing is not a problem for you, I can’t be part of this, and I’m ready to leave right now if that’s the case.”

Or something like that. I think you get the gist of what I’m going for. If they minimize your feelings, get up and leave. There will always be other games to play in. If they want to deflect it minimize it, because they’re embarrassed, give them a moment to react, and see if you can engage in dialog about the realities of sexual assault for women.

I always believe that it’s worth making the effort to educate and enlighten someone, but that’s not the only way to deal with these things, but that’s absolutely not your responsibility. Their feelings aren’t your responsibility. What I’m suggesting is that you make it clear that this isn’t funny or acceptable, and that if they think it is, you’re not going to be part of the group. In a perfect world, they’ll sincerely apologize. In a perfect world, they will realize that they hadn’t seriously considered the reality of sexual assault, and they’ll own their actions.

I know that a lot of gamers read this Tumblr, and I know that a lot of women read this Tumblr. Maybe someone else has advice or experience they’d care to share with you.

I’m sorry that you have to deal with this, and I hope that it’s resolved in a way that lets you continue to play in the campaign, and helps these dudes grow a level in humanity.

  • Angelica, the only sober one: This stuff is basically rat poison. Everybody's wasted.
  • Alexander: (crying) You didn't even know one thing and he asked me the whole thing and I didn't even do it once-
  • Hercules: I'm like an elephant, okay, it's like if I walk into a room it's like okay, he's in there-
  • John: I'm not gonna tell you that that bitch over there, I don't have to tell, I mean I'm not gonna brag-
  • Peggy: (laughing hysterically) Baba booey. (more laughing)
  • Jefferson: Turn this music down! (singing unintelligibly)
  • Lafayette: (speaking rapid-fire French, mildly angry)
  • Madison: (laughing uncontrollably) (coughing fit) (takes another drink)
  • Washington: (happily dancing to rap music with a funny hat on)

analienanimeaficionado  asked:

Hello! I really like your blog and was wondering how RFA+Saeran+V would react when they meet MC for the 1st time and realizing that MC is much shorter and younger looking than expected. I was wondering since I'm a 19 yr old girl, 4'11", and get told often that I look 12 and am still given kiddie menus at restaurants lol. You don't have to respond, I just thought this would be a funny scenario since some characters are really tall, thank you!


Haha, some of them would have a huge difference! Hope you like these~


Zen:

  • This man is really tall
  • When he first met, he kind of looked over your head trying to find you in a crowd
  • He wasn’t taken very aback by your height
  • He think you’re cute being so tiny
  • But you do look very young which could cause trouble if he’s not careful
  • He’s very protective of you with the press, since he doesn’t want you caught up in drama
  • If you try to look a little taller, he’ll give you his opinion on different heels
  • Listens to your rants when others mistake your age
  • Sometimes he’ll take selfies to tease you, since you always end up cut off at first
  • You always have to stand on a table or something
  • Eventually, he just memorizes one specific angles so you can take it together
  • He won’t tease you if you can’t reach things though
  • He’ll get whatever you need, and even shifts things around in his house so you don’t feel bad

Yoosung:

  • He’s used to being the shortest in his group of friends
  • He’s still growing though
  • If you feel really insecure about your height, he’ll try to cheer you up
  • “Maybe you’re still growing, like me!”
  • He secretly loves it when you wear oversized sweaters
  • The sweater paws make you look like a cute puppy
  • He likes to give you piggy back rides if you’re tired or want to see over a crowd
  • Your baby face doesn’t faze him that much
  • But if someone else says something to you, he’ll defend you
  • You both have a perfect height difference
  • He can easily rest his arm around you and you fit perfectly against his side
  • Loves to hug you from behind a lot

Jaehee:

  • She’s an average height, but still pretty small
  • You guys aren’t that far off which means she has a shopping buddy
  • You and her start going shopping for heels every other week
  • You both fit each other’s clothes decently
  • Hers is a little big on you, but no big deal
  • You actually like wearing her clothes, because you look a lot more mature
  • Her style rubs off on you
  • You look like a child next to her a lot with your baby face
  • She also helps with that since she gives you tips on make up
  • Either way, she doesn’t care how you look
  • Your age is reflected in how you act, and she thinks you’re very wise and caring

Jumin:

  • Talk about height difference
  • He thought you were cute in the chats in the way you talked and acted
  • But seeing you in person, you were so tiny and adorable to him
  • Like with Zen, he was worried you might get caught up in some scandal because you two looked years apart
  • But with his cautious nature and  the fact that the body guards basically hid you, there were no issues
  • He can tell when you’re feeling insecure about your height
  • On those bad days, you’ll end up finding a new pair of heels in your closet
  • Likes to find creative ways to kiss you smoothly
  • He’ll lean down asking you to fix his tie and then just steal a kiss
  • You like it when you’re sitting on one of those tall chairs
  • For once, you can easily kiss or hug him without straining on your toes
  • He makes sure there’s small step stools in every room, just in case you need things from the top shelves
  • You can’t tell whether you find it sweet or not…


Seven:

  • He figured you were pretty tiny from your background info
  • But for some reason, in person you just seemed so much smaller
  • He actually loves teasing you about it
  • When you reacted negatively to the short jokes, he kinda stopped
  • Still got you in more subtle ways
  • Rests his arm on your head you might have almost killed him
  • Purposely holds things out of reach
  • But he’s still pretty considerate when you can’t reach things in the kitchen or dining room
  • Cuddling is really nice though
  • He’ll come up behind you when you’re sitting on floor and just envelop you in his arms and a blanket
  • One time, you were given a kids menu at a restaurant
  • He was suppressing his laughter when you were trying to explain to the embarrassed waiter
  • But you both colored with the crayons anyway

Saeran:

  • You once told him off for not taking care of himself
  • And he just casually commented
  • “What do know? Aren’t you like 12?”
  • You released some wrath on him until you found out he legit thought you were 12
  • He treated you like a normal adult after that
  • He makes references to your height, but not in a joking way
  • At least, that’s what he says…you never see the smirk he gives after you struggle
  • He’ll unconsciously pat your head as he walks by
  • The worst is when you two are walking
  • It’s so hard to keep up with his long strides
  • Whenever you’re on your tippy toes trying to reach something, he just gets it for you after watching you for a few minutes
  • Mutters “cute” but you never hear it

V:

  • He can’t see very well when you first meet
  • When he moves to place a hand on your shoulder, he accidentally places it on your head
  • He apologizes for it profusely
  • Loves it when you hug him
  • He likes the feeling of your tiny arms around his torso
  • Also likes picking you up and spinning you around if you haven’t seen each other in awhile
  • He usually interrupts people if they start to make a joke about your height or something
  • He actually never realized you had a baby face
  • He was so accustomed to hearing your voice
  • Normally, you two talked about deep things, so he could tell your maturity level
  • Makes up cute nicknames referring to your height

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

Virginity

Requested - Hi! Could you write something with Aaliyah and Y/N. Like they get along pretty well and like Aaliyah asks Y/N about losing Virginity (Y/N lost it very soon) or something like that. Thanks!

Requested - Heyy, I have an imagine request 💕 so, you’re visiting Shawn in Canada and he’s busy, so you end up spending time with Aaliyah (like take her shopping or out for milkshakes or something) and Shawn finds out and he thinks it’s really sweet and fluff fluff fluff

Your name: submit What is this?

~~~

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Shawn says for what seems like the hundredth time as he glances over at you briefly before refocusing his eyes on the road in front of him.

“Don’t be.” You respond with a cheeky smile. “I get to drive your jeep and hang out with your sister, so it’s a win-win for me.”

“Have I told you lately that you’re the best?” He asks.

“Maybe once or twice,” you tease, a smile on your face as you genuinely appreciate this time you’re getting to spend with your boyfriend, even if it isn’t a lot. You came to Canada to visit him, but he ended up having to rehearse at the last minute, which kind of ruined your original plans for the afternoon.

The drive to his rehearsal space goes by far too quickly, and before you know it you’re driving his jeep out of the parking lot on your way to pick up Aaliyah from school. Since Shawn ended up being busy, you offered to pick up his sister from school and take her to the mall. You’ve grown really close to Aaliyah over the past year that you’ve been dating Shawn, and since you don’t have a younger sister, you take full advantage of getting to spend time with Aaliyah and play an older sister role in her life.

Keep reading

The Name Game

This is ridiculous, not gonna lie. Just a little Dean drabble that came to mind last night, when I was exhausted, and I literally gave myself the giggles. So imagine that Dean x reader are just as exhausted, and that things are just as stupid funny to them as they were to me when my mind came up with this… 

I’m so sorry :D


You feel the mattress give as he crawls beneath the covers, and you smile, still mostly asleep. He’s home. He’s safe.

He’s warm and solid behind you, one arm sneaking its way under your arm, angling up across your body to your shoulder as he spoons up close behind you. A contented sigh ruffles your hair a little as he drops a kiss to your head. “Glad you’re home,” you murmur, and he gives you a squeeze.

“Me too, sweetheart,” he says, and you love the way his voice makes his chest rumble against you. Something else is nudging against you, too, and you can’t help smiling.

“Seems like Little Dean is happy to see me, too,” you tease, and he chuckles.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” he says, his voice rich and lazy, sleepy.

“About what?”

“You always call him Little Dean. Hurts his feelings.”

You giggle softly. “I mean he’s little compared to – your whole self. You doof.”

“Well, he thinks he deserves a better name. Something a little more – impressive.”

You turn to your back, the silly grin on your face matching the one on his. “Oh, really. Well, does he have any suggestions?”

“A couple.”

“Please – enlighten me.” Dean’s eyes are shining with amusement, that fourteen-year-old self inside him that loves to be naughty is just dying to come out and play, and you love that side of him.

“Well, he gave me a list. Are you ready?”

“Please,” you sputter, almost giggling already.

“Well, these are pretty – meh, if you ask me, but – The Boss. The Sniper Rifle. The Specialist. Master Blaster. The Wench Wrench. But he’d prefer one of the top two.”

You almost choke trying to contain your laughter, you can barely speak. “Please, tell me the top picks. I can’t wait.”

Dean turns to his side to face you, both of you barely containing yourselves. Dean starts talking twice before he manages to stifle his laughter enough to continue. “Okay. Brace yourself. His favorites are: Mr. Happy Fun Time…”

A smothered explosion of giggles spews out between your lips, and you clamp them shut as your body shakes with laughter. Your voice is high-pitched and forced as you ask, “And? The other one?”

Dean’s entire face is twitching with the effort to contain himself, and you keep letting out little whines, laughter that is leaking out despite your efforts to stifle it for just one more minute.

“Sure you’re ready for this?”

“Yes. Please.”

“The Jackhammer of Love.”

Aaaaaand you’re both done. Neither of you has laughed this hard in – well, you can’t remember when. There are tears streaming down your face, your stomach aches, and still you can’t stop. And hearing Dean laugh like this, well – this is the best.

You both finally calm down, panting for breath, an occasional giggle starting you up again for a few moments here and there. Dean pulls you close for a kiss, your lips smiling against his. “So – what’s the verdict?” he asks, and you look into his eyes, still shining with mirth.

“Oh, I’m sorry – but I’m gonna have to sleep on that one.”

He pulls you close, letting out a big, exhausted sigh. “Fair enough. But I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be expecting an answer in the morning.”


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Are you still taking prompts? If so: (Klangst) Keith: "Lance I... I'm in love with you." Lance: "*about to cry* Keith, don't joke like that. It's not funny." (Pls have some fluff in there too my heart can't take only angst)

Yesss <333333

Sorry fluff isn’t my strong point >.< 

“Lance…I need to tell you something. It’s important.” 

Lance stared at the boy who was shaking like a leaf in front of him. They just got done taking down a Galran ship from the inside and now they were waiting for the castle to pick them up. 

“Okay, what is it?” Lance could feel the adrenaline leaving his body, making his arms feel heavy. 

Keith inhaled and avoided Lance. Keith looked like he was trying to convince himself to say something but couldn’t get the words out. After a few moments Keith looked directly at Lance and squared his shoulders. 

“Lance I….I’m in love with you.” 

Lance blinked at Keith and and started to laugh. 

Keith looked upset and confused “Why the hell are you laughing?” 

Lance didn’t respond, he just kept laughing until his laughs morphed into a wet sound. “Keith you don’t need to lie to me.” He wiped his eyes. “I get it, we almost just died and you probably pity me but you don’t need to joke around. It’s really not funny.” 

Lance turned from Keith and hugged his torso as he attempted to stop himself from full on crying in front of Keith. 

Keith was confused. Why doesn’t Lance believe me? Keith hesitantly reached his hand out, wanting to comfort the boy but not knowing how. “Lance. You need to listen to me.” 

Lance tilted his head slightly towards Keith, indicating that he was willing to listen. 

Keith took another breath, feeling his lungs expand to their full potential. “Lance. I’m not joking. I would never joke about something like that. I do love you. I have for awhile. I’m not pitying you either.” 

Lance placed his hands over his ears “ You’re lying.” 

Keith blinked and before he could react he was hugging Lance from behind. His head was buried between Lance’s shoulder blades and he hugged Lance tighter. 

“Lance, listen to me dammit. I’m not lying. I love you. I love you for your personality. I love you for your humor. I love you for your skills and how you care about everyone. I love you for the fact that you would risk your life just to save someone. I love you for so many things, and I will tell you why everyday if you let me.” 

They were both motionless, neither daring to move. Keith didn’t let his hug slag even the slightest until Lance started to pull away. Keith reluctantly let go but soon realized that Lance was just turning about so he was facing Keith. 

Lance gently wrapped his arms around Keith and placed his head on his shoulder. “You swear you’re not lying?” 

Keith nodded. “I would never lie to you.” 

Lance hugged Keith closer “Alright because I love you too Mullet.” 

Keith smiled “Can I kiss you?” 

Lance pulled back so he was looking at the raven haired boy. “Of course.” 

As soon as their lips met, both of the boys swore they could feel fireworks between them. 

When they finally pulled away, Lance laughed again. “I don’t know about you but I think this is a perfect way to end a mission.” 

Keith couldn’t agree more. 

Fluff!!!!!!! And angst 

I hope you like it!

Thank you <3333

angry angsty memes
  • "Stop PRETENDING that I matter to you! Stop looking at me like I mean something - this! Stop THIS!"
  • "I know. Okay? I know, but you keep looking at me like I'm some sort of wounded animal."
  • "Since WHEN?! Since when has it been okay to go behind each other's backs like that?"
  • "I thought we were friends."
  • "Oh, you really led me into that one, didn't you?"
  • "What, did you think it was funny? Making me care?"
  • "This isn't going to be okay just because you APOLOGISE!"
  • "I don't WANT our friendship! I don't WANT to work for it, I don't want ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!"
  • "Is that it? Do I SCARE you? You think I'd HURT you - are you AFRAID?"
  • "Believe me, you don't want to make me mad."
  • "Get out of my way."
  • "Were you planning on telling me? Not now! It didn't even have to be now, but EVER?"
  • "WHERE WERE YOU? Where were you - the ONE TIME I need you, the ONE TIME I ask for help and you can't be bothered to show up?"
  • "What, and you think that this is enough for me? You think that this - whatever this is, you think this is always going to be enough?"
  • "Don't talk to me."
  • "Get out of my house."
Next Ep, probably.
  • Roan: Your move, Wanheda.
  • Clarke: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my Bellamy go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
  • Roan: Whoa....chill out girl....this is literally a ploy to get you two to discuss your very real feelings for each other....
Illness-Based rp Starters
  • "You've been coughing a lot. You okay?"
  • "What is wrong with you?"
  • "Gosh, you're burning up!"
  • "Um, hey? Anyone in there? Hello?"
  • "Ugh, just blow your nose already."
  • "My head might just explode."
  • "I think I'm gonna hurl."
  • "If you get me sick, I'll kill you."
  • "Ah-choo!"
  • "Okay, that can't be allergies. Are you sick?"
  • "Geez, you look like crap."
  • "That is so gross."
  • "Hey, woah. Don't pass out on me here."
  • "You really should be in bed, you know."
  • "I'm too busy to spend all day in bed."
  • "I'b fide."
  • "Please tell me there's some cough drops left."
  • "Do you think it's warm in here?"
  • "You're so pale."
  • "Have you eaten today?"
  • "They told me you passed out. How do you feel?"
  • "I'm not getting out of bed."
  • "The soup is probably great, but I can't taste a thing."
  • "You know, that's not helping me feel better."
  • "My nose hates me."
  • "You should probably stay back. You don't want to catch this."
  • "Are you coming down with something?"
  • "My throat feels funny."
Second Chances (m)

Word Count: 8,833

Warning: Yoongi smut

A/N: I decided to write something a little less serious for a change! The smut turned out a little longer than I expected it to, which is also why the story turned out so close to 9k :) I am so thankful for minyoongiish who proofread this entire piece <3 Hope you enjoy~


If you had the ability to turn back time, you wouldn’t even hesitate to use it in this moment.

“Y/N?” The voice on the other end of the telephone asks. “Something the matter?”

“Oh no,” you mumble. “Fuck.” With one finger, you frantically tap the screen, desperately clinging to the hope that this is still in your hands, that you can still turns this around for the better.

Jimin’s voice sounds both curious and irritated at the same time when he speaks again. “What did you do this time? Did you put your keys in the freezer again?”

You can’t even be mad at his terribly timed comment that you’d normally be very offended about. All you do is curse softly, reading the simple message you sent like it’s a death wish.

You: Hey :) [sent 11:27am]

“Jimin!“ you exclaim, and are rewarded with a startled gasp.

"Yeesh, don’t scare me like that!” He lets out a sigh. “Stop acting all mysterious and just tell me what’s going on.”

You tap the screen again, despite knowing that it won’t help now if it didn’t help last time. A nervous gasp leaves your mouth as you turn your attention to the call. “How the fuck do I delete a message?”

Keep reading

  • *Molly's flat*
  • Molly: *opens the door* Sorry about the mess. Double shifts *giggles nervously* I'm sure I don't need to tell you.
  • Molly's Date: *chuckles* You should see my place.
  • Molly: *spots the Belstaff on her sofa; panics* Erm...can I?
  • Molly's Date: *confused* Huh?
  • Molly: *trying to shove him through the door* Let's go to your place.
  • Molly's Date: *resisting* Why? What's-
  • Sherlock: *leaves the bedroom wearing a sheet; irritated* I've had it with your cat, Molly. That was the last straw *sits on the sofa*
  • Molly's Date: ...
  • Molly's Date: Please tell me he's your brother.
  • Sherlock: *obnoxiously flipping through a magazine* Husband.
  • Molly: *hisses* Shut it!
  • Molly's Date: *looking between them*
  • Molly's Date: *awkward* Uh, look, Molls I know I said 'up for a good time' on my profile but...
  • Molly: *mortified* No! No, no! It's not like that. He *points at Sherlock* HE married me. I had no part of it.
  • Sherlock: *very smug; mutters* Had no trouble consummating it.
  • Molly: *frowns* Why are you here?
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* My wife was about to commit adultery; I thought it best to step in.
  • Molly: *annoyed* Don't call me that. This isn't a marriage.
  • Sherlock: Well, you won't move in with me.
  • Molly: *incredulous* because you haven't asked *quickly* and moving all of my belongings into your flat isn't asking.
  • Sherlock: *thoughtful* Hmm. Anything else?
  • Molly: *thoughtful* I hyphenate my surname.
  • Sherlock: *nods* Fair enough.
  • Molly: *raises an eyebrow* I get the left side of the bed.
  • Sherlock: *folds his arms* Yes, fine.
  • Molly: And I get your other dressing gown.
  • Sherlock: *sighs* I don't want you thinking you wear the trousers, Mrs. Hooper-Holmes.
  • Molly: *smiles* I always have *pauses* well?
  • Sherlock: *looks up* Oh, right *clears his throat* will you move in with me?
  • Molly: *giggles* Yeah, why not? *pulls him to his feet; kisses him*
  • Molly's Date: *perplexed* Err...should I- *gestures at the door*
  • Sherlock: About ten minutes ago but better late than never *winks* isn't that right?
  • Molly: *playfully swats him*