i know i'm giffing things people have already giffed a thousand times

anonymous asked:

I'm asking this out of curiosity, how can you just let go of a ship like captain swan? you were a hardcore captain swan shipper and you were part of their journey from the very beginning and now you barely care about them if at all. it's just I don't know i thought you were staying till the end & would even have a hard time saying goodbye to them after the show ends. sorry if this came off as rude I'm totally just curious just cuz you were so invested for years now you don't care anymore

Well, honestly, I have discussed this subject before, and tried to be straight about it, and I’m sure you didn’t mean to be rude and are genuinely curious. Still, though, it’s a bit discouraging?

I’m still here. I’m still active on tumblr, I still reblog CS gifs fairly regularly, and I know what’s going on in the show, and I’m looking forward to the wedding. I’ve made several long posts on my process of stepping back from the show and why that happened. It’s certainly not that I just “let go” overnight. It’s been going on for almost a year, and it has not in the least been easy for me. CS got me back into fandom after a long time away. I don’t need to prove my bona fides as a shipper to anyone; I’ve shipped them since 2012, been on tumblr for them and an incredibly active and prolific fandom member since 2013, written multiple novel-length fics and countless drabbles for them (and am still working on TDH, which is my second-longest project EVER behind The North Remembers), answered thousands of questions, written just as many specs and metas and spoiler and roundup posts, went to my first ever con (way out of my comfort zone!) to meet Colin, and still have many dear friends who have changed my life. I don’t ever regret any of the time I did spend on them. I have loved them for a long time and I still care. I just am engaging with it differently, and I have had to do that for several reasons.

As noted, I was super invested during season 5. SUPER. It got to the place where I was thinking about it almost every waking moment, even as I was trying to adjust to a new city and country and degree study and the ups and downs that came with that. My mood was totally dictated by spoilers or theories or how people were reacting to them or how I was going to have to hold things together during an angsty time with all the people I had to comfort/talk through the pain of the Dark Ones/Underworld arc. It took a lot out of me, to be honest. I couldn’t even enjoy the show quite the same way because I was so dependent on it all working out and the effect this had on my ability to deal with things. I’ve always been honest about my years and years of anxiety and depression and what I’ve had to do with that, and the show was something for me to focus on and to try to get me out of my head (again, during an otherwise stressful year). Honestly, that level of addiction/dependence isn’t healthy for anything, especially what is, at the end of the day, just a TV show. The s5 finale burned me the hell out after all that pain with pretty much nothing to show for it, and I struggled over the summer with the thought that I was finally having to withdraw from it in bits and pieces. I watched 6x01, but… nope. That pretty much put the lid on it that I wasn’t prepared to go back at the same level again, and probably wouldn’t be.

As noted, and as anyone who has read my fics can attest, I have no problem with angst. I love angst, even long-term and complex angst. I love serious and dark and morally challenging stories, they are some of my favorites. But as I have also said, I do have a problem when that angst results, to my view, in no measurable story progress and the endless repetition of long-played-out character arcs. I just watched CS struggle to be together for all of season 5. I don’t want to watch more of Emma Has Walls or Killian Keeps Secrets Because He’s Guilty or Oh Look, They’re Separated and Will Die. It’s just… not interesting to me. So I still love them as a ship, but I’ve almost completely disengaged from wanting or expecting canon to provide any kind of satisfying or well-thought-through fulfillment for them. I’ve written tons and tons of fics (and novels). I write all the time. I analyze things for a living. I am an English tutor and a history teacher. I’m a storyteller. I have spent a long time with these characters and coming up with and thinking through what I want to see for them. That doesn’t mean I’m Better ™ than the writers, but it also means that any effort I put in feels like way more than they are, and that’s not a fun or stimulating way to engage with a fandom.

I don’t do hate-watching, and I certainly am not about to rain on the parade of people who do still love it as much as ever (which as I have said many times, I am happy for them). So it’s just better to focus on things that I DO actively enjoy and which I find rewarding and engaging. This year has been incredibly tough for me since about last November and the Orange Nazi’s election (and before that, really). I don’t need to put my limited and valuable free time into things that are just going to drain me or make me annoyed more than I already am. Fandom, once again and though it sometimes can be anything but, is supposed to be fun. And I am trying to space out my interests and have several different places to turn to for inspiration, rather than putting all my eggs in one basket. As noted, it’s just not healthy, and I have to take care with that.

As also noted, I was truly happy about the CS engagement and I will watch their wedding and probably reblog a lot of gifs from it. But I can look at said gifs and enjoy their cute moments and feel as if I’m getting what I need to, rather than having to slog through all of season 6. And honestly, if OUAT is losing people like me – a super, SUPER dedicated fan with years of investment and high-level commitment and fandom participation and creation – it doesn’t take too much guesswork to see that it’s probably losing regular viewers like crazy as well, and that’s why the ratings have taken a nosedive. I know I’m not alone, because I know a lot of fellow fandom people who just can’t muster up the same level of investment, and we’ve all paid our dues. We don’t have to “prove” anything or get caught in the inevitable “Who’s a Real/Better Fan” drama that just makes the whole cycle even more draining. We’re just engaging how we choose to, over a fictional narrative that has meant a ton to us, but has also changed, and we have as well.

So yeah. I still care. I am still a fan. But I think it’s important to remember, as always, that fandom is a FICTIONAL space, and that the people who engage in it are real, with all the hangups and changes of interest and needs and triggers and emotional reasons that go along with that, and we only interact with each other on a very limited basis through tumblr, which is obviously not face to face and where we curate the content we want to post/focus/present. It’s not objective, and it’s fun and amazing and collaborative, but it can also provide a somewhat limited perspective of who people are, what they’re doing, and why they decide to move on from something. So yeah, that’s where I am.

:)

Episode 7! 

[If you’re curious about the previous mega-posts, feel free to read them here:

Episode 1  Episode 2  Episode 3  Episode 4  Episode 5  Episode 6]

It’s mid-November and we’re right now in the central part of the Yuri on Ice series. This is where things start to get interesting, right? To make things better, number 7 is my lucky number, so I was expecting something good from this episode.

Have I ever told you that I have an unbelievable good luck when it comes to OTPs? No matter what kind of ship it is, if it becomes my OTP, my OTP will become canon. No matter how gay. This has never failed me (I don’t have maaaaany OTPs, though, but still).

So far, it seems like Yuri on Ice won’t break my streak of OTP good luck. I told you all to trust me, right?

What did I expect from this episode, knowing this? I read about Japanese fans theorizing about a kiss and, let’s be real, I really wanted it to happen. It either had to happen in this episode or in the last episode. 

Turning to figure skating (because yes, I’m a figure skating fan and I’m watching this show for it too), I really wanted Leo to make it to the podium and qualify for the GPF. Bias? Noooo. (Yes.)

I also wanted #JusticeForPhichit. He didn’t get good quality animation last episode and he also deserves a better score, so I hoped he could improve his standing in the FS and, if he beated Yuuri, make my predictions true.

I was also really curious about Georgi. As I predicted a couple of days ago, I thought he was going to fail during his FS. I’ll probably be using the #PoorGeorgi hashtag a lot these days.

For this episode, I’m going to change my way of watching it: so far, I stopped the video every time something interesting happened, took screencaps and wrote my opinion. This time, I’m going to watch the whole episode first, scream inside, die, and then rewatch it for screencaps and to write everything. The cons of this new way is that it might take me a bit longer to watch and I won’t have a way to scream as I watch it, which is something I love to do when I’m overwhelmed with feelings. It might also change the way I write this post. The pros, however, is that I have more time to think about what I want to write, and might skip unimportant things to focus on the most important ones. I will still talk about the impressions I had while I watched the scenes for the first time, don’t worry. Also, I hope Crunchy’s player doesn’t make it too hard to skip scenes so I can take screencaps better.

Okay. I’m ready. (I’m not.) Let’s watch this.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How do you cope with Sam hate. I'm so tired of it. I want to cry.

*hugs you tightly* I’m so sorry it’s gotten you down, Anon! ❤️ You don’t deserve that. 

It always baffles me that people hate Sam. They’re welcome to love and hate whoever they like, of course, but the vitriol that gets leveled at Sam knocks me back sometimes.

I wish I could say I’m impervious to it, but it gets me down, too. I track a lot of meta tags because I like to read different perspectives, and I run into a lot of unwarranted criticism and outright hate that way. Sometimes (and I know I shouldn’t) I get it in my head that I want to understand people’s reasons for hating Sam, and I go and seek hate out, which is never particularly good for me. I have developed a few ways to cope with Sam hate, though, and I hope that maybe one of them works for you!

Things I learned from experience:

  • There are exception, but a lot of people who post hate aren’t interested in discussing things or revising their opinions; responding to hate, a lot of the time, is just going to be emotionally exhausting.
  • However, It can be relaxing to write up your thoughts publicly or privately. I know I have tens of thousands of words of things I’ll never post in which I just vented into a blank document for a while.
  • If you’re able to, don’t hesitate to blacklist certain terms. I have a few phrases blacklisted so I can read them if and when I want to. I don’t block anyone, but I have made use of the blacklist so I have some more control over where I see this stuff.

Those are just things that help me, though. Here are some more general things that may help.

Drown the hate with love.

Sometimes when Sam hate gets me down, it’s satisfying to go looking for blogs that exist to spread positive things about Sam! You may already be following all of these, but they’re good resources.

  • @samwinchesterappreciation posts everything. There’s meta, fanfiction, graphics, and gifsets, as well as original graphics and other works by the super-talented members.
  • @happysamdaily is a great place to go if you want to be bombarded with pictures and gifs of Sam’s smiling face.
  • @sam-winchester-admiration-league posts tons of really happy Sam stuff and is a great resource for encouraging and uplifting messages about Sam.
  • @sampositive is currently on a short hiatus, but it’s another place that only posts Sam love!
  • The #sam love club tag is pretty awesome! I track it to see lovely fan works and Sam appreciation.
  • Feel free to add any others. (These are just some off the top of my head!)

Seek out like-minded people.

If I or anyone else writes or posts things that make you feel bad, you should never feel bad about unfollowing or blacklisting things. 

Drown the hate with passionate counterarguments.

When I’m feeling down, the @bittersamgirlclub is one of my favorite places to go. Reading meta and thoughts by other people who are passionate lovers and defenders of Sam is affirming and encouraging. Through it, I’ve met some amazing people! The BSGC also reblogs lots of gifs and stuff, so it’s a great place to be. 

I also started @samwinchestermeta so people would have a place to go to seek out Sam-positive and Sam-centric analysis. Sometimes it’s good to counter angry, rage-filled hatred of Sam with equally passionate defense of Sam. *whispers* there’s a tag for that. (Beware strong language and stronger emotions.) There’s also this tag for meta writers refuting a lot of the popular accusations people throw at Sam.

Don’t be afraid to reach out.

I know a lot of the people in this corner of fandom are super sweet! Feel free to message me if you need to vent–on or off anon! (And if it takes me a while to respond, feel free to send a message checking in! Sometimes I lose track of things, and Tumblr sometimes eats messages, too…)

It hurts when people make what are often blatantly false accusations against Sam, and a lot of the people here don’t have like-minded friends in real life, so Tumblr is a good place to find a wonderful community of people who love Sam.

I hope at least one of these will help you to combat the Sam hate!

If anyone sees this and wants to add anything to it, feel free.