i know i was born to become a magical girl

i’m not going to argue about beauty standards because i’m a hypocrite, i hate them and find them evil but take enjoyment and satisfaction in conforming to them perfectly

but, listen

it’s a cruel and damaging lie to pretend women and girls know those things instinctively

i was brought up really strangely, both neglectfully and overprotectively, and was taught nothing about beauty products or dressing myself

as a result i spent a lot of my younger years wearing poorly-coordinated outfits, poorly-applied make-up and not knowing about any skincare products that could have actually made a difference to me, not to mention the tragedy that was my hair

and tbh? i thought that was it. i just didn’t have some gene that made you Magically Know how to perform femininity well, how to use make-up or clothes to accent what you wanted to accent or conceal what you didn’t like about yourself. because women are meant to pretend that beauty is effortless and easy, as if we’re born knowing about make-up brushes and coordinating accessories

after i detransitioned i went on the internet and decided to painstakingly learn those things, and they have become an interest now, meaning i absorb this knowledge and have developed a certain intuition in myself

but the girl before and who i am now? two completely different people. and only now do i realise i wasn’t just stupid or deprived of some natural instinct. they just aren’t things you know. you don’t have to know them! they’re not some woman test, they’re skills you have to learn and most likely, if you want to perform them to a socially-acceptable standard, you will have to learn them from someone else. and that person wasn’t born knowing those things either

and women do absorb those toxic attitudes, sometimes they can be rude because “isn’t x rule obvious?”. no, it is not, tbh. and it wasn’t obvious to you either, when you were five, you might have observed it when you were ten, that’s if your mother knew about it. there is absolutely no shame in admitting that. it’s important, i think

i set a high standard for myself. everything has to match and be done just-so. current!me would have looked at past!me and know instantly that past!me had no idea how to dress/paint her face/style her hair. and i would feel bad for her because i know that hurts and people treat you like you’re stupid and you don’t know how to fix it. and past!me would have looked at current!me, and wondered how she did it

anyway the point is: have fun with your appearance, whether you conform to those things or choose not to (which honestly is so so brave in this society) and don’t listen to people who treat you badly because you don’t know things nobody was born knowing. it’s all a hoax, tbh