take this burden - part 22
Jian Yi and Zhengxi.
[ leave a trace - CHVRCHES ]
Jian Yi liked to think about their first time.
Zhengxi did too.
But they rarely talked about it.
Jian Yi had spent so many years desperately wanting his best friend.
Not just sexually, necessarily.
He just…wanted him.
After awhile, being friends wasn’t enough.
And, after a while, after being turned down so very many times- it was time to move on.
No one but Jian Yi knows the extent of the…troubles he had with his first boyfriend.
Not even Zhengxi.
But he knew enough to understand why Jian Yi was so immediately protective of Mo Guan Shan.
Zhengxi came to feel the same way almost immediately.
When Jian Yi was 17 years old he met a man that seemed to be pretty decent boyfriend material.
People like that often do.
He realized he was wrong quickly, swallowed his pride and told Zhengxi.
The next day he chose to bail his best friend out of jail and didn’t bother to visit the other man in the hospital.
Having had plenty of time alone with nothing to do but think, the first thing Zhengxi did when they stepped back into the sunshine was embrace Jian Yi.
The first thing he said was ‘I’m sorry.’
The second thing he did was hold Jian Yi’s face in his hands and kiss him until a police officer told them to clear out.
The second thing he said was ‘I love you.’
Things moved slowly between them.
He Tian thought he was suffering on day four.
It took the two of them a year.
It was an agreement they’d made.
Jian Yi was terrified that Zhengxi was doing this out of guilt, or just to make him happy.
Zhengxi couldn’t stand the thought of irrevocably destroying their friendship, or push him too far too fast.
It was all hand holding and relatively innocent kisses for the first little while.
That graduated to small displays of public affection and a bit more contact.
They’d both taken to masturbating before meeting up.
Four months passed at a snail’s pace.
They’d moved on to careful hand jobs.
Six months in they moved in together, staying in separate rooms.
Eight progressively painful months passed.
They got very, very, drunk and Jian Yi gave Zhengxi a sloppy blowjob.
Zhengxi lasted all of four seconds.
Ten months, Jian Yi convinced (begged) him to finger him.
By the time the slowest year the world had ever seen was over, they’d both reached a level of desperation akin to insanity.
12 months doesn’t sound too bad, right?
It was torture.
They planned to make an evening if it.
Zhengxi had the day off work.
He made all of Jian Yi’s favorite foods, picked out some romantic music.
He’d even lit candles.
He made sure they had plenty of lube and condoms.
He even got everything together for a bubble bath after it was all over.
Jian Yi came home from work, kicked his boots off and closed himself in the bathroom.
Before Zhengxi could process this fully, Jian Yi was back, stark naked, drying his hair.
He dropped the towel and made a beeline for Zhengxi.
He grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the living room.
‘What are you-’
‘Take your clothes off.’ Jian Yi demanded.
Even when he tried to argue that the food would get cold he had already started undressing.
When he was done, Jian Yi shoved him onto the couch and straddled his lap and kissed him deeply.
Jian Yi kissed down his jaw, sucking gently at the side of his neck, gently running his tongue over the sharp collarbone.
‘Jian Yi, I…’ he gestured towards the rapidly cooling food on the table half heartedly.
‘I can see that. Thank you. But as of right now, I’ve waited years to feel you inside me and I refuse to wait a fucking second longer.
‘G-give me the lube, I’ll get you ready.’ Zhengxi whispered, holding his hand out for the small bottle in the other man’s hand.
Jian Yi shook his head.
‘Took care of it in the shower.’ He explained, popping the cap open to pour a liberal amount into his palm before reaching down and spreading it over Zhengxi’s, already painful, erection.
He wasted no time sitting up on his knees, lining them up, and sinking down on him one inch at a time.
The wet, hot, pressure that engulfed him was so overwhelming he thought he was going to black out.
He didn’t take his eyes off Jian Yi’s face for a second.
The pain he tried to hide was heartbreaking but he clearly had prepared himself.
Before Zhengxi could tell him to take it slow, he had taken it all in.
Zhengxi stroked his back as he took several deep breaths.
Very slowly, the muscles around him began to relax.
Jian Yi lifted himself up on shaking arms before sinking down again.
‘Jian Yi, oh my god.’ Zhengxi’s voice was rough and strained.
He did it three more times.
Zhengxi shook with the effort of not flipping them over and fucking him the way he imagined several times a day.
Let him get used to it.
‘Ok.’ Jian Yi whispered.
‘What…what should I do?’ Zhengxi asked lamely.
Thankfully, Jian Yi understood.
‘I want you on top.’
They carefully maneuvered themselves so Jian Yi was flat on his back, Zhengxi between his legs.
‘Are you ready?’
Jian Yi nodded, skin bright red from the roots of his hair to the head of his cock.
‘I’ve been waiting for a very, very, long time to say this.’ Jian Yi informed him quietly, pulling the other man down by the back of his neck.
‘Fuck me, Zhengxi.’
He did not need to be asked twice.
As gently as he could, he began to move
Jian Yi wrapped a leg around his waist, tilting his hips up with a soft, contented, sigh.
After several whispered pleas, Jian Yi froze, catching his attention.
‘Zhengxi. Fuck. me. harder.’ He growled, sending shivers down Zhengxi’s spine.
When you think of someone, there’s always a few pictures that pop into your head.
Images of them burned into your memory.
Maybe they were laughing, or smiling, or doing something stupid.
There’s always a picture or two that stick.
Months before that memorable night, Zhengxi had been experimenting.
Using instructions from the internet, (where all the most reliable instructions come from) he’d found his prostate.
It had been an uncommonly difficult feat and he didn’t do it often because the angle killed his shoulder, but he when he did it was more than a noteworthy experience.
Trying to use his vague knowledge to find Jian Yi’s was awkward and likely confusing, but the look on Jian Yi’s face.
The utter shock as his back arched and fingernails dug into Zhengxi’s shoulders as he came…
That was rarely far from his mind.
Zhengxi didn’t last much longer.
They cleaned up.
The atmosphere in the room was different than it had ever been.
The tension had eased.
The elephant in the room had found someone new to frustrate.
They ate dinner, talked about their respective days, washed dishes together, and made their way back to the bedroom.
There was no uncertainty this time.
No doubts or fear that either one of them didn’t want it.
Zhengxi spoiled Jian Yi just as he’d always imagined.
He held him closely as he fingered him for god knows how long, teaching them both about Jian Yi and.
He swallowed his embarrassment, starting with tiny licks and kisses around that tight, twitching, ring of muscle, and ended with his Zhengxi fucking his boyfriend with his tongue until he begged for his cock.
They fell asleep in each other’s arms only when the sun began to rise, grateful they’d taken the next day off work.