Not good enough
Prompt: “Do you have any idea how many people are dead because I wasn’t clever enough, wasn’t quick enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t good enough?”
word count: 1260
Being Peter Parker best friend wasn’t an easy task. The boy was the most unselfish, caring and intelligent person you have met, however he was also the most oblivious one. He didn’t seem to notice how you were totally in love with him and had been for a couple of months now. The only person who knew was Aunt May, who insisted you told him about your feelings since he probably felt the same way.
“ I just know it Y/n! Can’t you trust me on this one?” you remember May saying as she tried to convince you of asking Peter out.
You wanted to, you really wanted to believe her, however you knew that was impossible, so you just keep on pretending that everything was fine and there were strictly platonic feelings. Although it was really hard for you, specially as you were heading to Peter’s to watch a movie together. The sort of things a couple will do in a date. Except you weren’t a couple, and it wasn’t a date.
Whatever, you were settled for pinning after Peter in silence.
Peter was supposed to be home after the Stark internship, however he wasn’t there yet. As you waited for the boy to arrive you lied on Peter’s bed and closed your eyes for just a moment.
After what felt like minutes later but was probably hours you heard some shuffling around, excited to see Peter again you lifted the covers but instead of finding your best friend you saw spiderman crawling down from the ceiling.
As you realized that his back was facing you, you quietly got out of bed and stood behind him, trying to be as quiet and quick as possible. You lifted your right arm above his head and pulled his mask to you, revealing a brunette haired boy in front of you.
You couldn’t believe what you were seeing, it couldn’t be true.
“Pe-Peter? Is that you?” you stuttered, trying to calm yourself down
“What are you doing here?” His voice was low and it sounded kind of, angry? He still wasn’t facing you even though all you wanted was to see his eyes.
“I was waiting for you! How long has this been going on?” Despite your words Peter was still facing the wall “ Look at me Peter!”
He finally turned around but he kept his eyes locked to the ground as he said
“You were never supposed to find out, now that you know you can’t be here; you have to go!”
Why on earth wouldn’t he want her to know? They were best friends, they were supposed to tell each other everything!
“Why didn’t you want me of know? Do you not trust me anymore?”
His eyes locked at you with a glint of confusion and hurt. Of course he trusted you, but he had to protect you. He approached you and grabbed your shoulders as he said
“I do trust you, God Y/n I trust you more than I trust myself, but- but is not is safe for you! And I never wanted you to know who I am”
“Peter are you kidding? You are a freaking superhero! You have saved so many people! Why wouldn’t you tell me?!”
This was too much. Peter couldn’t stand there while you praised him for such things. Had he saved people? yes, but he had also let so many people down. So many people he couldn’t stop or save. It was just a matter of time before someone figured out his feelings for you and tried to hurt you. He didn’t deserve your love let alone your friendship. He didn’t deserve you.
“ I’m not as good as you think I am.”As you looked into your eyes you could see how fragile and weak this boy really was, how much he was hurting.
“Peter I know you. You are the same guy who helps old ladies find their way to the subway, the kind of person to help a little girl get her cat back from a tree, you helped me so much when I lost my father, with or without the mask you are still that guy”
“All I ever wanted was to protect you and Aunt May, I couldn’t bare to lose any of you! You have to stay away from me or they’ll come to get you!”
“Peter before I knew about you being spider man I could have gotten killed as well and it didn’t happen! And anyways, who is them?”
Was Peter in any sort of danger? Is that why he wanted you away?
Up to this point you have both tried to keep your voices down, however as the argument got more heated you started to raise your voices as well.
“Do you know how many people want me dead? They will do anything to get to me! Including hurting you!”
“Why would they hurt me?!”
“Because I love you! I love you more than anything! And if anything happens to you because of me, because of who I am I wouldn’t forgive myself!”
Peter gasped in horror as he realized what he had just said. He couldn’t believe he had said that out loud and neither could you. Did he really meant it?
He tried to push you away and turn around but you cupped his face before he could do so. You stared into his eyes and tried to show him how much he meant to you, how much you cared for him.
“Pete, I love you so much, I have loved you for a while now”
You brought you face close to him ready to kiss him until he mumbled under his breath.
“Mmmh?” What was Peter saying?
“You shouldn’t love me, I’m not good for you” He tried to push you away one more time as he said, “Do you have any idea how many people are dead because I wasn’t clever enough, wasn’t quick enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t good enough?”
It finally hit you. Peter felt so guilty over so many things that weren’t his fault. He was still punishing himself for deaths and accidents that weren’t him to blame.
“Peter you are the best person I know. You are the only one who knows all my fears, what makes me laugh and what will make me cry. You know exactly what to say and do to make me happy. And all those deaths, they are not your fault Peter! You are not a bad person, if anything you are the most noble and brave guy I know”
You approached him once again, this time holding him near to you as you hugged him. You lifted your face to see he’s already staring at you. There was truly nobody else who could make you as happy as he did.
You stared at his lips as both of you got closer, closing the distance between you. Finally after what felt like an eternity his lips touched yours, colliding into a sweet kiss that you’ve both been waiting since a long time ago. You grabbed the back of his head and pulled his hair as he brought you even closer. After a few moments you both pulled away trying to calm down your breathing, your forehead touching with his.
When you finally opened you eyes and saw his you felt safer than anywhere else, You both knew this was exactly where you belonged. In the arms of each other.
“Peter, there is no one else I rather be with”